00:00If you're an avoidant and you believe needing nothing is a strength, your attachment system
00:04isn't superior, it's underdeveloped. Let's just call it what it is. Needing nothing does not mean
00:08you're evolved. It means your nervous system learned to shut needs down. Secure people don't
00:13brag about needing nothing. They can self-soothe and co-regulate. They can stand alone and lean
00:18in. Avoidance often confuse emotional numbness with strength, but when your nervous system is
00:22just shutting off, that's not mastery. It's survival. At some point, needing somebody just
00:25wasn't safe. So your system adapted, but adaptation is not the same thing as growth.
00:29And this is where people get hurt because when one person can carry nothing, the other
00:32person ends up carrying everything. That's not independence. That is emotional absence with
00:37good PR. And if this is hitting a nerve, good. This isn't an attack. It's an invitation. Here's
00:41what no one will teach avoidance. Strength is not needing nothing. Strength is having needs
00:45and staying present anyway. When someone expresses a need or you want to, and your body starts
00:49to tighten and you get that urge to withdraw, that I've got this on my own story starts to
00:53pop up. Pause. And instead of disappearing, just need one small need. I need a minute to
00:56process. I need some reassurance right now. I need to slow this conversation down. You
01:00don't have to become needy. You just learn how to not shut down in these high intensity
01:05moments so your nervous system can learn something new. That's how attachment systems mature, not
01:10through isolation. It's through tolerating connection without fleeing. Needing nothing isn't the goal.
01:14Having capacity is. So stop calling emotional shutdown strength. Secure people don't need less.
01:18They can just handle more.
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