- 3 weeks ago
Mr. Crawford announces a company retreat to the Caribbean. The gang is joined by Bob Denver.
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00I'm going crazy here! This job is driving me out of my nuts!
00:09Oh, come on!
00:11The job is what the job is.
00:14We should have to keep our nose to the grindstone, keep paying our dues, and eventually we'll be a writer.
00:18I can't do it anymore, I tell ya! Oh, God, we're in crisis!
00:21Now, now, calm down, calm down!
00:24Look, in times like this, I'm meaning just to go to that part of our nature that we can always count on,
00:29to be optimistic and uplifting.
00:33Could one of you please cut that rope?
00:38Research.
00:39Yeah, hi, Mr. Crawford.
00:41You want me to say what?
00:43All right.
00:46Ladies and gentlemen, let's give a big research room welcome to the one, the only, Jim Crawford.
00:51Thank you! Thank you!
00:53Thank you!
00:55Hey, it's nice to be back in the research department again.
00:58What the hell is going on?
01:01Oh.
01:02Not much of an entrance, Paul.
01:05And he calls himself a showman.
01:08What's the matter, Sherman?
01:09Oh, I'm sorry, I'm a little depressed.
01:13I've got just the thing to solve your problem.
01:15Waterton Publishing Company is going on a company retreat
01:18to the Isle of San Ramon,
01:21the semi-precious jewel of the Caribbean.
01:23Ah, hey!
01:28We're really going to the Caribbean?
01:30We leave the first thing in the morning.
01:32Top that, Paul.
01:34I'm going back in my office.
01:38Yeah!
01:39Wow!
01:40This city is exciting.
01:46Dangerous.
01:47Troubled.
01:49That woman's not wearing underwear.
01:51Is that all you can think about?
01:54Food and sex?
01:55Yes.
01:56Please, focus.
01:57Look out!
01:58No time for smell talk.
02:09We're late.
02:11Petty, hold the elevator.
02:13Petty.
02:14I think Louise is so sweet.
02:23I think this woman is wearing underwear.
02:26I think there's too many people in this elevator.
02:29And I think you're all idiots.
02:31It's going to work.
02:32I have never had such a sense of well-being in my life.
02:51I don't know what it is.
02:53If it's the birds in the sky or the caress of the trade wind.
02:57Well, I'm guessing it's the four boilermakers you had on the plane.
03:01Yeah, they didn't hurt.
03:03Got to admit, it is awful nice down here, though.
03:05Nice?
03:06Come on, this is just what the doctor ordered.
03:10We went to the doctor.
03:11What's wrong with us?
03:13Relax, would you?
03:14Why should I?
03:16He's not.
03:18Just unwind.
03:20Fine.
03:21There, I'm unwound.
03:24Mmm, I want one of those rum drinks.
03:27I'm going to get a cabana boy to bring me one.
03:28You want one, Louise?
03:29Ooh, a tall, strong one sounds good.
03:32Like fuzzy navel?
03:33Well, I'm not that picky.
03:35What do you want to know?
03:36Enough rum to make him horny?
03:40Oh, you're talking about drinks, aren't you?
03:43All right, I'll just take a club soda.
03:45Come on.
03:47Ray?
03:47Robbie?
03:48Lois?
03:49Enjoying the retreat so far?
03:50Oh, it's great, Mr. Crawford.
03:52Ah, we're in the island.
03:54It's Senor Crawford.
03:55You all look so relaxed.
03:57I think I'll just have to join you for a while.
04:02Hola, Maria.
04:05Hello, Mary.
04:07Como estas?
04:08How are you?
04:12All right, people.
04:13First seminar starts in five minutes.
04:15Oh, come on, Mr. Brackett.
04:17No one really goes to these meetings.
04:18I don't know about that, but I do know my department will be present and accounted for.
04:22Couldn't we have our seminar on the beach?
04:24That way we could drink, swim, and learn.
04:26And roast a pig.
04:28Everybody up.
04:29Up, up, up.
04:30You too, Herman.
04:30All right.
04:31All right, I'm coming.
04:34Mr. Crawford, is there any way out of these seminars?
04:37El cielo lindo.
04:39The sky is pretty.
04:41Mr. Crawford.
04:42Vamanos a la montanas.
04:44Let's go to the mountain.
04:48Dear God, there's no tape in this.
04:51Clean at the end of the guitar.
04:54Happy as a cold.
05:00El senor Crawford es loco.
05:06Mr. Crawford is crazy.
05:16The information is transported by paper, computer, or fiber optic cable.
05:23The facts must be checked.
05:26God, this is driving me crazy.
05:28This freak's been droning out for over three hours.
05:31No, and he hasn't even introduced himself yet.
05:35Sherman!
05:36Sherman, how's it going?
05:37Oh, actually, right now, not too well.
05:40Ah, well, I've got just the thing to pep you up.
05:42Some top-flight entertainment.
05:44Sherman, I want you to meet Bob Denver.
05:46Hey, little buddy, over here.
05:48Yeah.
05:55Bill, you...
05:55You are as crazy as a loon.
05:59I'm sorry, he's very...
06:00Oh, my God!
06:02It is Bob Denver!
06:03Yeah.
06:04Jeez, what are you doing here?
06:05This guy brought me down so I could talk about my new book, Gilligan, Maynard, and Me.
06:09See?
06:09$12.95.
06:10Slightly more in Canada.
06:12What?
06:13Yeah.
06:14Fet.
06:16This is a publishing company.
06:17The last thing they want to talk about are books.
06:19What else do you have on tap?
06:21What do you mean?
06:22Well, entertainment.
06:23Singing, dancing, shadow puppets.
06:25I don't do any of that.
06:27Well, you've got four hours to learn.
06:28What?
06:28Stop bothering me.
06:31I thought Tina Louise was nuts.
06:35Hey.
06:35Hey.
06:36Hey, Jay.
06:36Jay, where have you been?
06:37Out exploring.
06:38Learning local customs.
06:39God, do I envy you.
06:41Find out anything interesting?
06:42Yeah, actually, a lot.
06:44They speak a combination of French, Spanish, and Indian down here.
06:47They use a lot of garlic and coconut milk in their cooking.
06:50And lap dances are $10, and if you want them to touch you, they're $20.
06:55Why'd you come back here?
06:56Well, can I borrow $20?
06:59Look.
07:01Sorry, Jay.
07:01I've got to get back into Mr. Bracken's seminar.
07:04Oh, to hell with the seminar.
07:05Come on.
07:06Let's explore the south side of the island.
07:07Yes.
07:08Let's go.
07:10Hoist the main sail and don't stop till we're at full mast.
07:14We can't even walk when we're in that condition.
07:16How do you expect to sail a boat?
07:17Well, are you on board or not?
07:24Jay, to hell with the seminar.
07:25Let's go explore.
07:26Now you're talking.
07:27Rent a car.
07:28We'll take a tour of the island.
07:29Right.
07:30Oh, my God.
07:30Oh, my God.
07:31Oh, my God.
07:31Do you know what that is?
07:32Yeah, I just talked to him.
07:33Get out of here.
07:36Excuse me.
07:37Hi.
07:37I'm a really big fan of yours.
07:39I love that.
07:40Hi, bird.
07:41Know what I mean, bird?
07:43Yeah.
07:43I'm sorry.
07:48Sorry, Mom.
07:49Jay.
07:56We should have a phone in here.
07:57I'll call a tow truck to pick up the car.
07:58I cannot believe you hit that donkey.
08:02I swerved.
08:03I didn't kill it.
08:04I stunned it.
08:05Maybe so, but the governor's still going to be late for the trade conference.
08:09Just grab me a beer.
08:10I'm going to call a tow truck.
08:11All right.
08:13Uh, dos cervezas, por favor.
08:16Okay.
08:16Sure, partner.
08:17Hi.
08:17Hey, I'm Eddie.
08:18Eddie's Bait and Boots.
08:19Oh, hi.
08:20Herman.
08:20Hey, nice to meet you, Herman.
08:21There you go.
08:22You enjoy your stay, all right?
08:23Yeah.
08:24Look around us, guys.
08:26This is what we've been missing cooped up in that crummy office in New York.
08:29This is real island life here.
08:31Oh, I could almost picture us spending some time here.
08:34I could picture us being a regular.
08:37I could picture us with some horrible lip deformity from this filthy bottle we're drinking out of.
08:40Hey, look.
08:43We want to be a writer, and this is the kind of place that could inspire us.
08:45Well, look at that fisherman.
08:47Can you imagine how many fantastic tales that man must have?
08:51And there I was.
08:53And there she be.
08:55I was the largest fishhissed I ever spied.
08:59Well, I have to admit, there are a lot of colorful characters around here.
09:05Exactly.
09:05There are enough stories here to last us a lifetime.
09:08I just read the funniest little native story on the bathroom wall.
09:12There once was a man from Aruba.
09:14Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
09:15Like the scuba, something the size of a tuba.
09:18Yeah.
09:18Yeah, I'll pass.
09:21That's the tow truck.
09:21Hey, come on.
09:22No, wait a second, Jay.
09:23You know what?
09:23I kind of like this place.
09:24What do you say we stay a while?
09:26Hey, come on.
09:26Come on.
09:26Just one beer.
09:28All right, one beer.
09:29Everybody limbo!
09:36So, see, you could say that I knocked the governor off his ass.
09:43His ass.
09:44See, because he's on a donkey and ass is another word for one of that.
09:48There.
09:52See, I wish I had 20 bucks.
09:56So, where were we?
09:57There I was.
09:59And there she be.
10:01Aye.
10:02It was the largest fish this old I ever spied.
10:06Aren't these people amazing?
10:07More than amazing, they're inspiring.
10:10This fisherman would make one hell of a character in one of our stories.
10:13Have you ever seen a man like this?
10:15You ever smelled a man like this?
10:17Herman, do you want to take a walk with me later?
10:22I know this private cove where we can go skinny dipping.
10:27Behold the man from Aruba!
10:32Sure, I think I can get away.
10:35Hey, Eddie.
10:37Hey, I got to say, man, this is paradise.
10:41Oh, you're telling me.
10:42It's breaking my heart that I got to sell this place.
10:44But, you know, me and my girlfriend, you know, we've been planning to sail around the world and I got to hurry up because I ain't getting any younger.
10:49No, I got to tell you, man, you're walking away from a great place.
10:53You know, I just never felt so relaxed.
10:56Herman?
10:56Whoa!
10:58Depression!
11:00I didn't think you'd come to a place like this.
11:02Can I buy you a drink?
11:03Herman, I'm not here for my delight.
11:05I'm here to take you back to the hotel.
11:06Oh, come on.
11:08Loosen up.
11:08I had to get my friend a drink.
11:09I don't want a drink.
11:11Now, I'm willing to overlook this youthful indiscretion.
11:15But you better stop all of this silliness.
11:16Get right back to the hotel, young man.
11:18We have work to do.
11:19Well, we knew this couldn't last forever.
11:21Come on.
11:22Get off this stinking ship.
11:23Hey, wait a minute.
11:24Why couldn't it last forever?
11:26Life's too short to spend it cooped up in that crummy research room.
11:29Come on, Herman.
11:31Right.
11:31All right.
11:32No.
11:34No, it is not all right.
11:36Eddie, are you really selling this bar?
11:39Yeah, and it's going at a good price.
11:40Why?
11:40Hey, everybody.
11:43The next round is on the house.
11:45I'd like to introduce myself.
11:47I'm the house.
11:48What?
11:49I'm buying this bar.
11:50Arr!
11:52Ah!
11:54I still can't believe Herman bought that bar.
11:56I know.
11:57It feels kind of weird going home without him, doesn't it?
12:00Herman bought a bar?
12:01Jay, you were there.
12:02I was?
12:04I need a Bloody Mary.
12:07Senor Crawford, dice hola.
12:09Mr. Crawford says hello.
12:13There you are.
12:15I believe you owe me a check.
12:17I don't owe you a damn thing.
12:18What do you mean?
12:19I did everything you asked.
12:20I sang, I danced, I even made you soup.
12:22And it was nutritious and delicious, but not a bit entertaining.
12:25So I'm not going to pay you.
12:27Come on, I need that money for the flight home.
12:31I'm going to call my agent.
12:32He's the one that gave me the recipe for the damn soup.
12:39Hi, Herman.
12:40Hi, guys.
12:41Well, it is official.
12:42I spent my entire life savings, but Eddie's Bait and Booze is now Herman's Eddie's Bait and Booze.
12:48Wow, Herman, I can't believe you're actually going to chuck everything and move down here.
12:52Get real, Louise.
12:53What's he got to chuck?
12:55A rowdy little apartment and two pairs of shoes.
12:58Oh, Eddie, that's not very nice.
13:00No, no, Louise.
13:01She's absolutely right.
13:02There's nothing for me in New York.
13:03But down here, down here I can live.
13:06And Eddie says the bar practically runs itself, so I'll have plenty of time to write.
13:10Congratulations on your career move, Herman.
13:13I'd say four years of college, three years of hard work in a publishing firm
13:17certainly qualifies you to make a perfect peach daiquiri.
13:22Well, Mr. Bracken, I know you think this is a stupid and impulsive move on my part.
13:26Herman, I just hope this is what you want.
13:30It is.
13:32Well, in that case, good luck.
13:34I'm going to miss you, son.
13:36Okay, people.
13:38The shuttle's here.
13:39Let's load up.
13:40This is the hard part.
13:41This is where we have to say goodbye to our friends.
13:43I don't know if I can do it.
13:45Oh, come on.
13:45It's not sad.
13:46This is exciting, remember?
13:48Look, you wrote it right here in the ship's log.
13:51Today, I started on a new adventure.
13:53It's a whole new phase of our life.
13:55I'm excited, but a little worried.
13:56For the first time, I noticed there's hair down there.
13:59I wrote that.
14:00That's our junior high diary.
14:05Goodbye, Herman.
14:06Good luck.
14:08I'm sure you'll be as successful down.
14:10I'm here as you were in New York.
14:12Well, thanks, Eddie.
14:13I think.
14:15Guys, we're going to miss you.
14:16Oh, Herman, I'm really going to miss you.
14:17Oh, well, come on.
14:18It's not like we're never going to see each other again.
14:20We'll stay in touch.
14:21Oh, we say we'll stay in touch, but we really won't.
14:24And then the knowledge that we're not staying in touch will drive us further apart.
14:27And then if we should meet by happenstance, it'll be with the discomfort of two distant
14:30lovers.
14:31And, Jay, you said there was no liquor in that orange juice.
14:34Oh, well, Herman, I guess this is really it.
14:42Well, Jaybo, listen, I'm the don't go for mushy goodbyes.
14:46You know, I'm just, I'm not into that.
14:47So, good luck.
14:49Take care of yourself.
14:50And I'll speak to you soon.
14:52Herman, there's a phone call for you.
14:54Oh, thanks, Eddie.
14:54Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right, Mike.
14:59Yeah, I'm stranded here on the island.
15:01Yeah, ha, ha, ha.
15:02Very funny.
15:02Will you get a grip on yourself, too?
15:05What?
15:06What?
15:06Where is he?
15:09Okay, okay.
15:09No, okay.
15:10I'll be right down.
15:11Jay, wait.
15:12Oh, Herman, I'm going to miss you.
15:14Jay, will you pull it together?
15:17Look, something's come up at the bar.
15:18One of my waitresses didn't show up.
15:19And last night, my bartender broke both his legs in a boating accident.
15:23Oh, God.
15:24A cute waitress?
15:26Where do you think she is?
15:28But that's not the point.
15:29Look, the point is, I'm, I'm, now I'm shorthanded.
15:32You think you might be able to stay and help me out for a couple of days?
15:35Oh, I don't know.
15:36Oh, come on, Jay.
15:36Hey, it'll be a blast.
15:38It's you and me behind the bar.
15:39Hey, you, you'll get a taste of the great life I'll be living down here.
15:44Get those margaritas, huh?
15:45Okay, okay.
15:46I'm getting them, I'm getting them.
15:49Here are your margaritas, Jay.
15:50Finally.
15:50You win.
15:54I can't believe you did that.
15:55Those are for the customers.
15:57Well, you got your revenge.
15:58I got a brain freeze.
15:59My alcohol kicked in.
16:04I feel better.
16:06But now I got to pee.
16:09Okay, here you go.
16:10Hey, hey.
16:11Maybe if this place ever calms down, you and I can go to that, uh, that private cove you
16:16told me about.
16:17Back off, buddy.
16:18I don't date locals.
16:19So this is a life we dreamed of, huh?
16:24Okay, so it's not going according to plan.
16:26It's not going according to plan.
16:28This sucks.
16:29Come on.
16:30When we're in a bar surrounded by booze we can't drink and chicks we can't pick up.
16:34It's just like being in a bar where we can't drink or pick up chicks.
16:39Bad news.
16:41There's a hole in the hole and we're taking on water.
16:43Okay, okay.
16:44Don't panic.
16:45We can pack that hole.
16:46There I was.
16:47And there she be.
16:49Oh, Lord, not again.
16:50I, it was the largest fish this old I ever saw.
16:54Look, look, I'd love to hear this story.
16:57Again.
16:58But I, I'm a little busy right now, okay?
17:00Well, we gotta talk.
17:01Look, not now, Jay.
17:02I gotta get some more rum.
17:03Hey, don't snap at me, island boy.
17:05I, I'm sorry.
17:07All right, I'm, I'm really sorry.
17:08What?
17:09I have to go.
17:10What?
17:11I'm sorry.
17:12I gotta get back to work.
17:13Okay, okay.
17:13Well, all right, look, thanks for helping me out and doing it for no pay.
17:18Oh, don't worry about that.
17:19I've been helping myself to the sushi bar.
17:21Sushi?
17:23Jay, that's bait.
17:27Don't be so provincial, Herm.
17:29Everybody eats sushi these days.
17:31You're eating chump and enjoying it, bud.
17:36Uh, well, look, all right, so long, Jay.
17:40Good luck, all right?
17:40I'll call you in a couple of days.
17:41Yeah, take care.
17:42Okay, okay.
17:43I need an order of fries, and where are those margaritas?
17:45Oh, yeah, yeah, okay, I'm sorry.
17:46All right, there's my place.
17:48And there she be.
17:50There's two more beers.
17:51Abandon ship, man, the lifeboat!
17:53Women and children first!
17:55Oh, good.
17:56I get two seats.
17:59Look, I know, I know, I know you want your fries, I know you want rum, and I know it
18:04was the largest fish your old eye ever spied.
18:06Now I will get you people everything.
18:09Just back up!
18:10The line was in me teeth when a great white surfaced and pulled my retainer from me mouth.
18:24And so, I'll be air searching for that shark.
18:29Aye, and when I find him, I'll know him for his perfect smile.
18:37Will you get out?
18:38Please, I'd like to close up for half an hour before I have to open again.
18:44Aye, Captain.
18:46It be eight bells, turkey.
18:48And I got to take care of my little tidy mates.
18:52And secure their safe passage.
18:54Passage.
19:08Knock it off, will ya?
19:13I'm sorry.
19:15But I'm just a friend.
19:16I'm just a...
19:16Our life in New York.
19:18Why can't we just admit it?
19:19We made a terrible mistake.
19:22Oh, look.
19:23Crying's not gonna help anything.
19:25Now, we've committed to this.
19:26We're gonna see it through.
19:26Besides, we're the only one who's homesick.
19:29No place like home.
19:35No place like home.
19:36No place like home.
19:38So, how's it going?
19:39Well, how can I put this?
19:43It sucks.
19:45What do you mean?
19:46Well, you know, I thought this place would be just what I needed to change my life.
19:51And I should have known that inspiration doesn't come from where you are.
19:55It comes from who you are.
19:57And now I'm stuck.
19:59Herman, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
20:01I'm gonna buy the bar back from you.
20:03Oh, really?
20:04Yeah.
20:05Yeah, hey.
20:06Why the heck not?
20:06And I'll give you 50 cents on the dollar and not a penny more.
20:09I just bought it three days ago.
20:10Hey, don't bite the hand that feeds you.
20:12Every time you open your mouth, the price goes down.
20:14That's like extortion.
20:1540 cents on the dollar.
20:15You can't just...
20:1635 cents on the dollar.
20:17Okay, okay.
20:17Deal.
20:18Deal.
20:1830 cents on the dollar.
20:19Pumper.
20:20You know, I gotta tell you, running this bar was one of the toughest things I've ever done.
20:24How did you manage to turn a profit?
20:26Oh, oh, no.
20:27I don't turn a profit running the bar.
20:29I turn a profit selling the bar to starry-eyed city folk who think this place is paradise.
20:33Well, I got a bar to sell.
20:35Go on, Herm.
20:39There I was.
20:40And there she be.
20:42I, it was the largest fish this old I ever spied.
20:47All right, all right.
20:47I know you didn't catch the fish, and I know it had a perfect smile.
20:50But now, do you have a boat or don't you?
20:52Our lad, you're stuck on the island.
20:56And the irony will not be lost on me.
21:02Well, I guess I'm really stuck here on the island.
21:04Oh, no, please.
21:05No joke.
21:06Hey, hey.
21:06I'm in the same boat as you.
21:08Hey, come on.
21:09Come on.
21:09I'll buy you a drink.
21:10Welcome, my friends, to Crawford, Eddie's, Sherman's, Eddie's, Bait and Booze.
21:16Care for some sushi?
21:22Say, frio, hoy.
21:26It is cold today.
21:29Here, mate.
21:30You might want to have a little listen to this.
21:34He, he, he.
21:38Avast.
21:40Give me a compass bearing for the head, me hearty.
21:46Pardon me.
21:47Which way to the lavatory?
21:51Splice the main brace, a double top for all hands.
21:57Can I buy you a drink?
Be the first to comment