- 2 months ago
Herman dating an attractive model, but his deep-seated insecurities and anxieties (personified by his internal "Wimp" character) cause significant relationship trouble, leading to typical internal bickering among his "Fantastic Four" (Genius, Angel, Animal, Wimp) as he struggles with his self-esteem in this romantic situation.
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FunTranscript
00:00This is Herman Brooks. Herman is just like the rest of us. Every day he has to make all kinds of decisions. Like what to wear, whom to date, and when to panic.
00:19Now, these decisions should be easy. But if you take a look inside Herman's head, you'll see why he sometimes has trouble making up his mind.
00:30I'm Herman's intellect. Without me, he couldn't hold his job, pay his rent, or tie his shoes.
00:36I'm Herman's sensitivity. Without me, he wouldn't feel tenderness, honesty, or love. The good things in life.
00:42I'm Herman's anxiety, and I keep him out of trouble. And believe me, there's trouble everywhere.
00:48I'm Herman's lust. Without me, he'd miss out on all the good stuff. You know, fun, food, babes.
00:54Sometimes they agree. Usually they don't. But this struggle is going on inside all of us. And it's all going on inside Herman's head.
01:18Hi, Louise. I see you're still in your photography class.
01:23Make sure this goes directly to the archives. In one piece, you idiot. You have any idea what that's worth?
01:31It's old and extremely valuable. Now get out of here!
01:35Louise, what are you doing?
01:39I'm capturing your true essence on film. I call this one Happy Face?
01:43I don't think so.
01:47You can call this one Woman on Burge of Unemployment. Now get back to work.
01:52Not everybody likes getting their picture taken.
01:55But Herman, I need subjects.
01:57It's gonna be tough, Louise. Only needy, narcissistic, self-indulgent people really like that kind of attention.
02:02Morning.
02:04Oh, that's great! Okay, care back!
02:07Now get me happy!
02:09Get me sad!
02:11So sad! Oh, I love it! You're beautiful!
02:15Hey, Herman.
02:17Louise, I don't know what you're doing, but...
02:19Knock it off.
02:21I'm in my worst clothes.
02:23Seriously, I can't stay long.
02:27Listen, I spoke to my friend Tony. He said you can come to the photo shoot at McAnally's.
02:31They're closing the place for the day.
02:33Oh, Jay! How can I thank you?
02:35I said a wallet size will be fine.
02:37Okay, I'll get my stuff.
02:39That was nice of you, Jay.
02:40It was nothing. You might want to come to this photo shoot, Herman.
02:43I can't. I've got work to do.
02:45Take an early lunch, Hermo.
02:47Okay, but it better be worth it.
02:54It's worth it.
02:57I think I'm gonna black out.
02:59You're disgusting, Jay.
03:01Herman, how can you hang around him?
03:06Herman!
03:07I'm sorry. I must have blacked out.
03:09I can't believe it. You only see these women as objects.
03:13Hey, Jay! Glad you could come.
03:15Tony, you remember Herman?
03:16Yeah, and this is my friend Louise.
03:18Hi.
03:22Louise?
03:23I'm sorry. I must have blacked out.
03:27I see you brought your camera. Come on, shoot with me.
03:30Jay!
03:32Now you're in my will!
03:36Would you look at this, Hermo? Do you believe this?
03:38I've got to admit, I have never seen such beautiful women.
03:41Agency guys, right?
03:43Actually, we're agency executives.
03:46Well, do me a favor. Do you guys like this hoisted high or low?
03:50Okay. Now let's see it low.
03:53Now high. Low. High.
03:57You know what? I think we could lose it altogether.
04:01I think high is just fine.
04:05Thanks.
04:08Wow. Well, I think she likes you.
04:10What? She just said thanks, Jay.
04:12I'd consider it a good sign if I don't get poked in the eye.
04:16Give me a break. Look at her.
04:17That's the most beautiful woman in the world.
04:19She doesn't go out with guys like us.
04:20She goes out with your friend with a ponytail, an earring.
04:24Let's get out of here.
04:25Women like that are way out of our league.
04:27I agree. This is degrading to all of us.
04:29Well, if this be degradation, play on.
04:37I'm not going anywhere.
04:40Very well.
04:46I'm out of my league here.
04:47I'm starting to feel a little stupid.
04:49Hey, Herman, you got a minute?
04:51Sure.
04:52We need some contrast in this next shot.
04:53Now, a guy in a suit would really help me out.
04:55What do you say?
04:56I don't know.
04:57Oh, come on. It'll be fun.
04:58You know, actually, I came here with my friend.
05:00Why don't you use him?
05:02Because you're cute.
05:03And he looks like the kind of guy I'd poke in the eye.
05:07Well, okay.
05:09All right.
05:13Just get around, Herman.
05:15What hit me?
05:16Oh, nothing.
05:17Something's going on.
05:18No, don't look.
05:19Get out of my way.
05:20Listen, I've got some news for you, big guy, but you've got to take it easy.
05:31Yeah, a little overstimulation for the big guy.
05:37All right. I think that's enough.
05:40Thanks, Herman.
05:42You did great.
05:43Oh, yeah.
05:44Well, it helps if you love your work.
05:46I'm Jennifer Fairgate.
05:47Herman Brooks.
05:51Ask her out.
05:52Somebody say something.
05:53I want this woman.
05:56Don't you remember Sally Wrightwood?
05:57Do you want that kind of rejection again?
06:00Hi, Sally.
06:01My name's Herman.
06:02Beat it, squirt.
06:03I was just watching you and I wanted to tell you, I think you're the most beautiful girl in school.
06:09How old are you, four?
06:11I'm 12.
06:12So you want to go out for a soda?
06:14Look, I'm a 16-year-old very popular cheerleader.
06:18I wouldn't be seen leaving a burning building with you.
06:22So I get the French kisses out of the question?
06:26It was nice meeting you.
06:28Hey, Jennifer.
06:29Yeah, right.
06:30See ya.
06:31Oh.
06:34I can't believe she just poked me in the eye like that.
06:37Look, I'll see you later, Jay.
06:38What the heck is the matter with you?
06:40What?
06:41That woman likes you.
06:43Jay, just because a woman doesn't blind you doesn't mean she likes you.
06:47Thanks a lot, Tony.
06:48I really appreciate it.
06:49My pleasure, Louise.
06:50Oh, and I'm sorry I grabbed your butt like that.
06:54It happens.
06:57You like him, huh?
06:58Like him?
06:59I want to see him naked in a tub full of jello.
07:01I want to rub tomatoes off the whole bird's body.
07:03I want to eat ice cream off his chest.
07:05Louise!
07:07Sorry I haven't had lunch yet.
07:08Oh, Mr. Brackett.
07:09Ten thousand dollars.
07:10You okay, sir?
07:11Ten thousand dollars, Herman.
07:12What about it?
07:13That rare book I messengered this morning never made it to the Waterton Archives.
07:14And the insurance company won't cover it because I didn't get a receipt to prove it was picked up.
07:18Do you know how much that book is gonna cost this company?
07:21Just a guess, sir.
07:22Somewhere between nine and eleven thousand dollars.
07:23Eddie, I need your advice about men.
07:24You don't have to give the ring back.
07:25It was a gift.
07:26It's yours.
07:27Actually, I haven't gotten that far yet.
07:28I've been chasing this gorgeous guy, now how do I get him to chase me?
07:31Steal his wallet.
07:32know how much that book is going to cost this company?
07:34Just a guess, sir. Somewhere between
07:36$9,000 and $11,000.
07:42Eddie, I need your advice about men.
07:44You don't have to give the ring back.
07:45It was a gift. It's yours.
07:48Actually, I haven't gotten
07:50that far yet. I've been chasing
07:51this gorgeous guy. Now, how do I get him to chase
07:54me? Steal his wallet.
07:57Hi, Herman.
07:59Jennifer, what brings you up here?
08:01Well, we were talking, and I turned around, and you were gone.
08:04I thought for sure you were going to make a pass
08:06at me. Yeah, I was just about to, but
08:08I stopped breathing.
08:11So what do you do here?
08:12Here. You're going to have to give me
08:14a little time to come up with something good.
08:16You have till 6. I'll meet you
08:18downstairs for a drink. It's on me.
08:20Lucky drink.
08:22Ah.
08:26Wow.
08:27What a body. What was she doing here?
08:28She wants to buy me a drink.
08:30Oh, boy. Okay, don't panic.
08:31Just tell you you're up here looking for a book or something.
08:33You're really an editor or a publisher.
08:34Or a surgeon.
08:35I'm not going to lie to her.
08:37She's just a pretty woman, that's all.
08:38Oh, just a pretty woman, huh?
08:39Just a pretty woman.
08:41Look at this.
08:42You, my friend, are going out with the fantasy
08:45of every man.
08:46Penny, I really want this guy.
08:48What do I do?
08:49All right, Louise, take notes.
08:50The key words are cool and aloof.
08:52You want him to think you don't care.
08:53Make him come to you.
08:55Got it.
08:57Hey, Jake.
08:58Tony!
08:58Tony!
09:15Let's leave.
09:16This is ridiculous.
09:17You know, you're really starting to tick me off.
09:19He's right.
09:20We're just seeing her because she's an incredibly beautiful creature.
09:23We don't know what she thinks or what she likes
09:25or if we can respect her.
09:27What are we doing?
09:28Voting for her?
09:30This is highly unproductive.
09:32Let the swine have his way.
09:34Okay, but remember.
09:39Hi, Sally.
09:41Hey, that's the guy.
09:42The little Casanova.
09:47Herman.
09:48You made it.
09:50You look like you were pretty busy.
09:52Oh, forget them.
09:53Let me buy you a drink.
09:55Sure.
09:56Have you figured out what you do yet?
09:58Yeah, I'd like to tell you a great lie
10:00to make myself sound incredible,
10:01but the truth is, I'm an astronaut.
10:05Thanks for the honesty.
10:07And when I'm not on the space shuttle,
10:08I work in Waterton's research department.
10:12Yeah, you attract a lot of attention.
10:15That's why they pay me so much money.
10:16So, do you want to go to dinner or something?
10:19Dinner?
10:20I met a chic who gave me a diamond necklace
10:22just to have dinner with him.
10:23I have never been that hungry.
10:26Have you ever been to Angeletti's?
10:28I couldn't afford water in Angeletti's.
10:30Well, I can.
10:31Come on, let's go.
10:31Oh, Dr. Brooks, how was surgery today?
10:44It's really only a temporary apartment.
10:46I should only be here another five or ten years.
10:49It's very nice.
10:50I used to live in a pension in Rome
10:52that looked just like this.
10:53You lived in Rome?
10:54From now on, you order the pizza.
11:00You know, I've been with you all night,
11:02and you haven't even come close
11:03to making a move on me.
11:05Yeah, I know that.
11:07Well, it's very refreshing,
11:09but I have to admit,
11:09it does make me wonder
11:10what a kiss from you would be like.
11:14Enough is enough!
11:15What about our feelings?
11:19Absolutely we'll have feelings.
11:20There'll be feelings all over the place.
11:23We'll feel plenty.
11:25Well?
11:27Well?
11:29No more Mr. Nice Guy.
11:35Well, here comes the sex.
11:39May I suggest that we get the condoms now,
11:42because I'm usually not listened to
11:44until 20 minutes after it's over.
11:48She does seem very nice.
11:50Okay, I'll sign off on this.
11:52Wait a minute, what's going on?
11:53Something's wrong.
11:53What's the matter?
11:54Something's wrong.
11:55We're not working.
11:57You mean we're not?
11:58No, we're not.
11:59What the hell is wrong with us?
12:01We're the most beautiful woman in the world.
12:02There's no lead in a pencil.
12:05We didn't drink.
12:06We're not taking any medicine.
12:08What is going on?
12:10It's the whip!
12:11Kill the whip!
12:14Hey, I'm sorry.
12:16She's beautiful.
12:17She's been all over the world.
12:18She makes a fortune.
12:19And we have nothing to offer her.
12:21I can't do it.
12:22And that is final.
12:23All right, forget him.
12:24He's a pan-ass anyway.
12:26We can do this without him.
12:27All right, all together now.
12:28Jennifer, I don't think this is a great idea right now.
12:40Why?
12:40What's wrong?
12:41Well, now that I think about it, I have a lot of work to do.
12:44And it's getting late, and you've got that shoot tomorrow morning.
12:47And besides, I'd like to get to know you a little better.
12:50And maybe you can get to know me.
12:52I mean, it shouldn't be that hard.
12:54I mean, that difficult.
12:55Well, okay.
12:59Um, can we try this again?
13:01Sure, sure.
13:02How about Friday?
13:04Friday it is.
13:05Okay.
13:06Well, um, thanks for dinner.
13:09Ciao.
13:11Ciao.
13:13I want some answers, and I want them now.
13:15What the hell is wrong with us?
13:16Well, not to point any fingers at anyone, but the answer's very simple.
13:20We have just become impotent!
13:27Impotent.
13:35Touch?
13:36Look, Jay, we had dinner, and that's it.
13:38Now let's drop it.
13:40Hey, Mr. Bracken, want to see some of my pictures?
13:42I got some really good ones of you yelling.
13:44No, I do not want to see any pictures.
13:46I want to see a receipt that I didn't get.
13:48I want to see where my next job is coming from
13:50when Waterton finds out this company is out $10,000.
13:54I'm dead, Louise.
13:55Not yet, you're not, sir.
13:57I'm heading the streets, and I'm going to find the messenger
13:58if it takes me all afternoon.
14:00Thank you, Hetty.
14:01I appreciate that.
14:03Hetty?
14:04In a city this size, where would you start?
14:07Bloomingdale's.
14:07Jay, Jay, I've got to talk to you.
14:15I have a problem.
14:16Really?
14:17What's up?
14:18Nothing.
14:18That's the problem.
14:21Okay, I'm lost.
14:22Jay, I'm having trouble...
14:24hoisting my mainsail.
14:28You have a boat?
14:32No.
14:32Jay, I think I'm impotent.
14:36Oh, ooh.
14:39Jeez, what can I say?
14:40I'm really sorry, Herm.
14:41This ever happened to you?
14:42You mean when you're with a woman,
14:44and you're going through hell
14:44because your mind is willing,
14:46and nothing else is,
14:47and you panic and turn to her and say,
14:48Helen, I have to leave your apartment now.
14:50I'm having a brain hemorrhage.
14:53Yeah.
14:54No, no, that's never happened to me.
14:56She's coming over Friday night,
14:58and I think she's going to want to continue what we started.
15:00Okay, just try to relax there, pal.
15:02After all, she's just a woman.
15:03Yes, I can't believe it.
15:04Shouldn't this happen when I'm, like, 90?
15:06When you're 90,
15:07the only way you're going to get hot with a woman
15:08is if you get cremated together.
15:18Now, stop it, dammit.
15:20We're not going to worry about this.
15:21We're not going to think about this.
15:23We'll just let nature take its course.
15:25Okay, big guy?
15:26It's no use.
15:26I'm finished.
15:27Washed up.
15:30Hi.
15:31Hi.
15:31Sorry I'm late.
15:32It's okay.
15:33How was work?
15:34Oh, not bad.
15:35I was shooting a lingerie ad
15:36with the backfield of the Miami Dolphins.
15:38Ten bucks says you looked a lot better than they did.
15:48Well, anything?
15:53Is there something wrong, Herman?
15:55You're as stiff as the board.
15:57Can we change the subject?
15:58I know how work can get you.
16:00How about a neck rub?
16:02Yeah.
16:04You know, I like you, Herman.
16:08You're a little quirky, but I like you.
16:10I know.
16:12Well, it must be tough to look at me cut down in the prime of my life.
16:17Ah, there'll be more.
16:18More rivers to cross.
16:19More mountains to climb.
16:21It's all the same to anyone.
16:22I'd like to climb those mountains that are smashed into our back right now.
16:25Come here.
16:28Come here.
16:31Look, I know you want us to get to know each other better.
16:35But I have to admit, this pushing me away, it's really turning me on like crazy.
16:40Make love to me, Herman.
16:45Get out here, whip, you sniveling, whining, spy-less coward!
16:51Flattery will get you nowhere!
16:53Oh, give me a break, would ya?
16:55I'd really like to.
16:57But I don't think I can.
16:59You're gonna have to try.
17:00Look at him.
17:01He's not a pretty sight.
17:02What's the matter?
17:14Look, I can't do this.
17:16Is there something going on I don't know about?
17:18Herman, are you gay?
17:22You're kidding?
17:23Look how this apartment is decorated.
17:26Well, then what is it?
17:28Look, it has nothing to do with you, it's me.
17:32Well, what about you?
17:34Okay, clinically speaking, I am having trouble...
17:38hoisting my mainsail.
17:42You have a boat?
17:45Jennifer, I'm...
17:46I'm having trouble getting aroused, and it's never happened to me before.
17:51Did I do something wrong?
17:53I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but you intimidate the hell out of me.
17:56Me?
17:57Yeah, you.
17:57You're a centerfold.
17:59You're rich.
17:59You party with sheiks.
18:00You spend your day in your underwear with the Miami Dolphins.
18:03I'm scared to death of you.
18:05All right?
18:06And I feel like I'm 12 years old every time you come near me.
18:09Well, let me tell you something.
18:11Sheiks are spoiled, and you have to bow to them all the time.
18:15And having some money in the bank doesn't solve all your problems.
18:19And I couldn't tell you what any of those Miami Dolphins look like.
18:22Because all I was thinking about was you.
18:24Oh, why me?
18:28Because you're sweet.
18:30And you're real.
18:33I'm a woman, Herman.
18:35Not a centerfold.
18:37And this woman is telling you she chooses to be with you.
18:40Why don't we go to the movies?
18:45Can I join you?
18:47Are you gonna hit me?
18:49Nah.
18:50Okay, then.
18:52Look, uh, I know I call you names and pick on you a lot, but...
18:56I just want to let you know that a lot of times when you were scared, it was me that came and protected you.
19:01It was me that held your hand when we learned how to swim.
19:04It was me that stood up to bullies.
19:07Hey, remember the time when we passed gas in English class and blamed it on Freddie Logan?
19:12Yeah.
19:14That was me.
19:17We're a team.
19:18And now I need your help.
19:20You need my help?
19:21Yeah.
19:22You gotta put this Sally thing behind you.
19:25You heard what Jennifer said?
19:26She likes us, and that includes you.
19:29That's in the past.
19:31We're not Little Herman anymore.
19:33We're Big Herman.
19:35At least I'd like to be Big Herman again.
19:39You know what?
19:40I just remembered.
19:41I think I've seen every movie.
19:43Every movie?
19:44Yeah.
19:45Every one.
19:46Oh.
19:53Oh, Herman.
19:55I want you to know that I'm okay.
20:12But maybe waiting is a good idea, and we should get to know each other a little better.
20:17Who said that?
20:20I did.
20:21Oh.
20:23Oh.
20:28Oh, what the heck.
20:39Oh, Louise, do you have any more of those pictures with Jennifer and me together?
20:42She wants one.
20:43Oh, yeah, sure.
20:43Here.
20:44You can have these.
20:45What the hell's going on?
20:47Isn't anybody working?
20:48We're just looking at my pictures.
20:50Put those damn pictures away.
20:52Excuse me.
20:53But don't yell at me.
20:54You're the one who lost the book, and all you do is yell at everybody else.
20:57You know what picture went second place in my class?
21:00Men yelling.
21:01You should see yourself yelling at this stupid delivery guy.
21:04Louise, I don't think...
21:07Did you say delivery guy?
21:09There he is carrying my book.
21:11I don't need a receipt.
21:13Here he is holding the book.
21:15Thank you, Louise.
21:20So?
21:21So what?
21:22Did the eagle fly?
21:23Yeah.
21:24I'm okay, Jay.
21:25Yeah, I guess it happens to every guy once in a while.
21:28I gotta admit, it was pretty frightening.
21:30Well, she sure is one hell of a woman.
21:32Jay, that is just one hell of a picture.
21:35That is not the woman I'm going out with.
21:37By the way, you know how you shared your problem with me?
21:39Well, now it's my turn.
21:40I, uh, can't seem to get the old car out of the garage.
21:44Jeez, Jay, you too?
21:45I'm sorry.
21:46Well, just do what you told me to do.
21:47Try to relax.
21:48Talk to her.
21:49No, Herm, my battery died.
21:51I need help pushing my car out of the garage.
21:56Hey, Sally.
21:57Yeah, what do you want?
21:58I just thought you'd like to know that I graduated college,
22:01moved to New York, got a good job, nice friends.
22:03And I think it took a lot of guts for a 12-year-old to hit on you.
22:07And one more thing.
22:10The name's Brooks.
22:15Herman Brooks.
22:26What are we doing for Valentine's Day?
22:28You're driving me crazy.
22:29That's the general idea.
22:31This Thursday night, Fox presents special Valentine episodes of The Simpsons,
22:36Drexel's Class, and 90210.
22:38With your hosts, a couple whose name is synonymous with love.
22:42Al and Peg Bundy.
22:44Am I not fit to die?
22:45Now, stay tuned for Get a Life, next.
22:48The Simpsons, Drexel's Class, and 90210.
22:52The Simpsons, Drexel's Class, and 90210.
22:54The Simpsons, Drexel's Class, and 90210.
22:54The Simpsons, Drexel's Class, and 90210.
22:55The Simpsons, Drexel's Class, and 90210.
22:55The Simpsons, Drexel's Class, and 90210.
22:56The Simpsons, Drexel's Class, and 90210.
22:57The Simpsons, Drexel's Class, and 90210.
22:58The Simpsons, Drexel's Class, and 90210.
22:59The Simpsons, Drexel's Class, and 90210.
23:00The Simpsons, Drexel's Class, and 90210.
23:01The Simpsons, Drexel's Class, and 90210.
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