- 9 hours ago
Mr. Warmth himself, Don Rickles gets a taste of his own medicine in this installment of the Dean Martin Celebrity Roast.
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00:00:00Ladies and gentlemen, the Dean Martin Comedy Hour presents a special 90-minute roast with tonight's guest.
00:00:12Dan Rowan, Jack Kludman, Dick Martin, Joey Bishop, Cliff Robertson,
00:00:28Lauren Green, Kelly Savala, Ritz Little, Bob Newhart, Foster Brooks, Nipsey Russell, Pat Henry, Charlie Callas, Captain Eugene Cernan, Carol Channing, Phyllis Dilley,
00:00:58Kurt Douglas, and your Roastmaster, Dean Martin, and tonight's very special Man of the Week, Mr. Don Rickles.
00:01:09Tonight, we're roasting Don Rickles.
00:01:20Rickles is the man about whom Adolf Hitler once said,
00:01:24From him, I could learn.
00:01:30Don's idea of a fun evening is to show home movies of the attack on Pearl Harbor with a laugh track.
00:01:43Yeah, Don's got a great sense of humor.
00:01:46He gets his kicks calling in phony reprieves to the death house.
00:01:49Don Rickles has the distinction of being the only civilian that was ever impeached.
00:02:02Don inherited his sense of humor.
00:02:04His mother and father were great practical jokers.
00:02:07That's how Don was born.
00:02:09He was even a rotten kid.
00:02:15One Christmas, he hung his sock on the tree, and a tree died.
00:02:25You're burning, but you're laughing.
00:02:27I know.
00:02:27But that's all behind Don now.
00:02:33Today, he's a much bigger success than I am.
00:02:38After all, he's had four TV series, and I've only had one.
00:02:42They say that behind every clown is a sad man.
00:02:55In Don's case, it's Robert Wood, the president of CBS.
00:03:00Few people know this, but Don's worked hard in show business to attain one goal,
00:03:06to save up enough money to send his mother back behind the Iron Curtain.
00:03:12It's always a pleasure now, ladies and gentlemen.
00:03:15It's a great pleasure to introduce Mr. Joey Bishop.
00:03:19Joey was a little late getting here.
00:03:21He was in Johnny Carson's garage, loosening Johnny's brakes.
00:03:26One of my favorite comedians, Mr. Joey Bishop.
00:03:42When they asked me to appear on the dais for Don Rickles, I said,
00:03:45I don't know what to say about Don Rickles.
00:03:49And they said, say whatever you want to say.
00:03:52Okay, Don Rickles is a bedwetter.
00:03:54Not only the bed, everywhere.
00:04:13There's the only one in the dais with a rubber tuxedo.
00:04:16I really, in my heart, I must say, I cannot believe we're paying tribute to him.
00:04:26I mean it.
00:04:28I mean, we've had big names here.
00:04:31Let me go to him.
00:04:32Who are we honoring next week?
00:04:33Prickly Heat?
00:04:37Ridiculous.
00:04:39I don't believe this.
00:04:41You want to honor somebody.
00:04:44I don't know a man like Dr. Jonas Sahl.
00:04:46A man who helps fight diseases.
00:04:50Why are we honoring a carrier?
00:04:54And he's known for his hostility.
00:04:57And I ask you from the bottom of my heart,
00:04:59what has he to be hostile about?
00:05:01What can a short, paunchy, bold, old, ugly person possibly have to be hostile about?
00:05:11He does have a great sense of humor.
00:05:21I mean, not on stage.
00:05:22I'm talking about practical jokers.
00:05:24Number one.
00:05:25You remember the time you took the safety belt off of Mickey Rooney's toilet seat?
00:05:35Remember that?
00:05:36Mickey almost drowned?
00:05:37Then I found out, and this was the shocker,
00:05:44because I know you don't gamble in Vegas.
00:05:46You don't go to the track.
00:05:47I found out you're a bingo addict.
00:05:49I called your wife, Barbara.
00:05:51I said, Barbara, what is Don really like?
00:05:53And she said, every night, bingo.
00:05:55I'm sure you all know why we are here, because we love this gentleman.
00:06:06Don Rickles is a fine person, a great entertainer, a wonderful father, and a great husband.
00:06:11In spite of what he says on stage, I know in my heart that it's really a good egg,
00:06:16and you all know where eggs come from.
00:06:18Thank you, Joey.
00:06:35A little while back, Phyllis Diller had a facelift, and it really did wonders for her.
00:06:40Now, when she walks down the street, the guys look at her and say,
00:06:44Oh, boy, that's because she looks like one.
00:06:49Ladies and gentlemen, a nice lady, a lovely lady, a great comedian,
00:06:55Ms. Phyllis Diller.
00:06:56Thank you very much, Dean.
00:07:09You know, the man we are roasting tonight took first prize on this last Halloween for his costume.
00:07:15He painted the top of his head blue and went as a ballpoint pen.
00:07:19He's sort of unlucky, you know.
00:07:28He lost all his hair and still has dandruff.
00:07:33My friend Don Rickles has all the charm of an earthquake.
00:07:37And I wrote this junk myself.
00:08:00But he's kind to animals.
00:08:03Every night, he puts his cat out with ether.
00:08:07He should never pull the pen out of the grenade in his mouth.
00:08:13It's not getting any better.
00:08:16You know, if they're bad, there's no saving them.
00:08:24Don, baby, you know I'm only kidding with all of this.
00:08:28I wish I could say how I really feel about you.
00:08:32But then I'd never get on television again.
00:08:34Ladies and gentlemen, the most distinguished actor, the star of grief, Griffiths.
00:08:55Mr. Warren Greene.
00:09:13I've done it a very big day with it, man.
00:09:15But then, of course, I've always liked animal acts.
00:09:18I've been listening here to people casting aspersions on Don
00:09:28and about his ability in many areas, but particularly as a comic.
00:09:37And I think that's rather cruel.
00:09:38And as an actor, I object to the discrimination.
00:09:42Because Don is a pretty rotten thespian, too.
00:09:46Do you know what a thespian is, Gene?
00:09:48Oh, sure.
00:09:49I got a turndown from one of them the other night.
00:09:51Right on.
00:10:04Let me say this about Don Rickles as an actor.
00:10:07He's had a very long theatrical career.
00:10:10You could list all his hit shows on a piece of confetti.
00:10:13And not many people know this.
00:10:16This is a fact.
00:10:16But Don was part of the Bonanza cast for all the 14 years we were on television.
00:10:22He was our fourth son.
00:10:26The one we kept in a home.
00:10:36But Don is now blessed with a very beautiful wife, Barbara.
00:10:40Two marvelous children.
00:10:41And a mother who has moved to Florida, changed her name, and sends Don money every week to stay away.
00:10:56Don, there will always be a place for you in the theater.
00:10:59A place where you can do the thing which you are greatest at doing.
00:11:04And it's right up the aisle, second to the left.
00:11:11Our next guests are Rowan and Martin.
00:11:22If you've seen them, you know that they're a very unusual team.
00:11:27Two straight men.
00:11:32Ladies and gentlemen, a couple of real funny guys, Dan Rowan and Dick Martin.
00:11:37We have not come to praise Don Rickles, nor have we come to bury him.
00:11:59No.
00:11:59He has managed to do that pretty well over the years himself.
00:12:06Now, we have always wondered why Don is so successful and can only be laid to his material.
00:12:11Great material.
00:12:12Right.
00:12:13So we have collected some of the greatest of Don Rickles' material, and every word you're going to hear is from Don Rickles' own mouth.
00:12:20These are direct quotes.
00:12:22Right.
00:12:22What did you say?
00:12:23Verbatim.
00:12:24Very good.
00:12:26First of all, here's one here.
00:12:28It says, in case there's a colored guy on the dais.
00:12:30There happens to be one.
00:12:31Yeah.
00:12:32To you, Nipsey, sorry about the seating arrangement.
00:12:34At first, they wanted you out in the hall with a bucket.
00:12:39Here, I'll make you feel at home.
00:12:41All aboard!
00:12:50If there's a Mexican on there, there is no...
00:12:54Is there a Mexican in the audience?
00:12:56Must be.
00:12:56You Mexicans...
00:12:58Hello, Jose.
00:13:02You Mexicans never fool around with a wife.
00:13:06You're too busy laying on the floor fixing the mud so it don't cave in.
00:13:12Anyway, gang.
00:13:14What is anyway?
00:13:16It says it a lot.
00:13:17I don't know.
00:13:18Anyway, gang.
00:13:19Anyway, gang.
00:13:20You must have read it wrong.
00:13:21I guess so.
00:13:22Sir, you're Welsh.
00:13:24I'll make you feel at home.
00:13:25Woo!
00:13:26Mine cave in.
00:13:30You'll never see a Jew coal miner.
00:13:32They're usually in the cabin saying,
00:13:34Irving, there's a cave in down there.
00:13:37But anyway, gang.
00:13:39Anyway, gang.
00:13:42I spent a very thrilling evening with...
00:13:45These come back to haunt you, don't they?
00:13:48I spent a very thrilling evening with Dean Martin once.
00:13:59I watched a fly go up a drape.
00:14:02Anyway, gang.
00:14:03Anyway, gang.
00:14:07I think there's more to that one.
00:14:10Oh, but we need the Italians.
00:14:12That's right.
00:14:12This is the saver.
00:14:13Yeah.
00:14:14What for?
00:14:15Oh, yeah.
00:14:17Your pizza's ready, lady.
00:14:21I quote the words of the great Indian Geronimo as he jumped on his horse.
00:14:25Ugh!
00:14:26Anyway, gang.
00:14:33He does that a lot.
00:14:37He does that.
00:14:37Remember the words of Abraham Lincoln, who said to his black servant,
00:14:43Stop that tap dancing and give me back my high hat.
00:14:47Anyway, gang.
00:14:48One of the greatest black men of our day, Rufus Johnson, said in Augusta, Georgia,
00:14:53Run, baby, run!
00:14:58And the Jew was right behind him saying,
00:15:00Look, I'll sell you a bike.
00:15:10I think it's only fair to tell you he's the one that divided these up.
00:15:13Look, I quote the words of a great general, Robert E. Lee,
00:15:18who said at Gettysburg, I think we blew it.
00:15:23You there, fella, how long have you been married?
00:15:25Four days?
00:15:26God bless you.
00:15:27Young Jewish kid, right?
00:15:29If her father-in-law dies, what kind of work are you out of?
00:15:34I know that you gave me these, but you should have taken this one,
00:15:38because I don't understand.
00:15:39What is this?
00:15:40That's the biggie.
00:15:40What do you mean?
00:15:41Oh, that's his.
00:15:42Hmm, that's the one that does it.
00:15:44What is this?
00:15:44Oh, this is his exit?
00:15:46This is the funniest, yeah.
00:15:48Oh, this is how he closes the act.
00:15:50This is the closest, yeah.
00:15:51In show business, you close with a big one.
00:15:52That's right.
00:15:52I'll do my best for you.
00:15:54Go ahead.
00:15:54Show business is my life.
00:15:59My humor, ladies and gentlemen, is directed in a way to laugh at ourselves.
00:16:04It's beautiful.
00:16:05If you accept it, if you accept it in that spirit, I am deeply grateful.
00:16:14If not, where's the hell's the punchline?
00:16:17Right here.
00:16:20Oh, we're getting to it.
00:16:22Yeah.
00:16:22If not, I wish you what you deserve, a glass of hot milk and a trip to Tijuana.
00:16:30That's it.
00:16:31That's the finish.
00:16:32Thank you, Don.
00:16:33That's it.
00:16:33That's the finish.
00:16:34Would you all please welcome the man who writes every word that comes out of Don's mouth?
00:16:55Thank you, Dino, baby.
00:16:59It is a real kick in the cooker.
00:17:04To be here tonight, honoring my buddy, boys, that real sweet heart of a guy, Donald Rico.
00:17:16How big will be.
00:17:21This is the man who gave me my break in show business.
00:17:26It is not easy getting started as a writer.
00:17:29Not too many comics come to Argentina shopping for Joe.
00:17:38It has been an honor and a pleasure to be associated with you.
00:17:49You are a real pussy cat.
00:17:53I have hoped to perform in New York, in Hollywood, in Miami Beach, in Paris, in London, in Vegas.
00:18:01You are the only man I know who has burned more places than I have.
00:18:07I have a real fine actor, Mr. Casey Cassandra, ladies and gentlemen.
00:18:36when it comes to comedy
00:18:44Bobby Newhart knows where it's at
00:18:47why he don't go get it
00:18:48I don't know
00:18:49ladies and gentlemen
00:18:53the funniest psychiatrist I know
00:18:56Mr. Bob Newhart
00:19:06Bob Newhart's spot
00:19:09Don is my best friend
00:19:22which just gives you some idea
00:19:25of the difficulty I have in making friends
00:19:27as some of you may have already
00:19:32known
00:19:33Don's hotel room was recently robbed
00:19:36the only thing that was taken
00:19:38was the music to Don's act
00:19:40so far the Chicago police
00:19:45have picked up 33,000 people
00:19:48who might have had a possible motive
00:19:50Don is just about to sign
00:19:56one of the largest deals
00:19:58in the history of Las Vegas
00:20:00why he is signing Frank's deal
00:20:02we'll never know
00:20:02but Don has not done that well
00:20:07in television
00:20:08he's had four series now
00:20:09the last one
00:20:10a couple of Dons
00:20:11received a minus four
00:20:13Nielsen rating
00:20:14this means
00:20:17there's no one watching
00:20:18but several people
00:20:19without TV sets
00:20:20had heard about the show
00:20:21and said if they got one
00:20:22they wouldn't watch
00:20:23that doesn't matter
00:20:37I'm going to get it later
00:20:41so I may have to stay up here
00:20:42if you don't know
00:20:42but Don's career
00:20:45continues to skyrocket
00:20:46will be announced
00:20:51in a few days
00:20:52in the trades
00:20:54in the papers
00:20:54that Don has been chosen
00:20:55as the national spokesman
00:20:57for preparation H
00:20:58which
00:20:58we're all quite excited about
00:21:10many unkind things
00:21:15have been said about Don
00:21:16as his best friend
00:21:18I think it's
00:21:18incumbent upon me
00:21:20to tell you the true facts
00:21:21and I don't think
00:21:22Don will take umbrage at this
00:21:24because
00:21:24Don doesn't know
00:21:25what the hell
00:21:26umbrage means
00:21:26it's been said
00:21:31that Don never helps
00:21:32other performers
00:21:32I remember when I was
00:21:34starting out
00:21:35Don pulled me aside
00:21:36and gave me some advice
00:21:37we have a saying
00:21:37in our business
00:21:38be nice to people
00:21:39on the way up
00:21:40because you meet
00:21:41the same people
00:21:42on the way down
00:21:42Don told me
00:21:44you run into
00:21:45entirely different people
00:21:46and the hell with them
00:21:47many people say
00:21:54Don is not a good father
00:21:55but
00:21:55Don is very proud
00:21:57of his daughter Mindy
00:21:58and his son Larry
00:21:59I know this
00:22:00I was in his house
00:22:02at the time
00:22:02Larry came in
00:22:03Larry wanted a turtle
00:22:05and Don rushed out
00:22:07because anything
00:22:07Larry wants
00:22:08he immediately
00:22:09rushes to get
00:22:09as soon as
00:22:10the football game
00:22:11is over
00:22:11and brought him
00:22:13back a turtle
00:22:14and Larry gave it
00:22:15to him the next day
00:22:15and said
00:22:16the turtle has
00:22:17blisters on his feet
00:22:18and Don took it
00:22:19back to the pet shop
00:22:20and the owner said
00:22:24that's impossible
00:22:25that turtles
00:22:25don't get blisters
00:22:26on their feet
00:22:27and gave him
00:22:27some salve
00:22:28and Don helped Larry
00:22:29put the salve
00:22:30on the turtle's feet
00:22:31and the next day
00:22:32Don brought back
00:22:33the turtle
00:22:33it again had blisters
00:22:34this went on
00:22:35for five days
00:22:35finally gave him
00:22:37a new turtle
00:22:37Don took it back
00:22:38to Larry
00:22:38and gave it to him
00:22:39and just as he was
00:22:40leaving
00:22:40he turned around
00:22:41something told him
00:22:42to turn around
00:22:43and there was Larry
00:22:43going
00:22:44vroom
00:22:45vroom
00:22:45vroom
00:22:46diamonds may be
00:23:06a girl's best friend
00:23:08but Carol
00:23:08is an audience's
00:23:10best friend
00:23:10ladies and gentlemen
00:23:11here's the lovely
00:23:12and talented
00:23:13star of Laura
00:23:14Miss Carol
00:23:15Terry
00:23:15thank you
00:23:25thank you
00:23:27you know
00:23:27I cannot understand
00:23:30why everyone
00:23:31here tonight
00:23:32keeps picking
00:23:32on poor dear
00:23:33sweet Don
00:23:34he's really
00:23:35a very good
00:23:36hearted man
00:23:37truly he is
00:23:38I remember once
00:23:39when I was appearing
00:23:41at the Waldorf Astoria
00:23:42in New York
00:23:43and I used to sing
00:23:44a number called
00:23:45don't take your love
00:23:47from me
00:23:48well I was singing
00:23:49this song one night
00:23:50and when I got
00:23:51to the part
00:23:52that goes
00:23:52would you take
00:23:54the wings
00:23:55from birds
00:23:56so that they
00:23:57can't fly down
00:23:58was the only person
00:23:59in the audience
00:23:59who stood up
00:24:00and shouted
00:24:00yes
00:24:01yes
00:24:02so you see
00:24:12I am here tonight
00:24:14as one of Don
00:24:14Rickles' friends
00:24:16it's a minority
00:24:17group
00:24:18there's so many
00:24:21terrible things
00:24:22have been said
00:24:23about Don
00:24:23tonight
00:24:24that I would like
00:24:25to say a few
00:24:25nice words about him
00:24:26you see
00:24:26I'm not like
00:24:28all of you gentlemen
00:24:29here on the dais
00:24:30I don't hate Don
00:24:32really I don't
00:24:33because as our
00:24:34president said
00:24:35you can't hate
00:24:37anybody
00:24:38you don't
00:24:38respect
00:24:39now I'd like
00:24:51to introduce
00:24:52Nipsey Russell
00:24:53Nipsey is living proof
00:25:02that black is beautiful
00:25:04not funny
00:25:05but beautiful
00:25:06there he is
00:25:09my good pal
00:25:10Mr. Nipsey Russell
00:25:11they found
00:25:20an orangutan
00:25:21suffering with a hernia
00:25:22fed him poison
00:25:24from a rattlesnake bite
00:25:26gave him the soothing voice
00:25:28of a wild hyena
00:25:29and he is man of the week
00:25:31tonight
00:25:32Don Rickles
00:25:41who has the personality
00:25:43of a lemon taster
00:25:44is not without compassion
00:25:47for his fellow performer
00:25:49when Peg Leg Bates
00:25:51was seriously ill
00:25:53and down on his luck
00:25:54Don Rickles
00:25:55gave him money
00:25:55he said
00:25:56I know it's tough
00:25:57on you Peg
00:25:58here's a few dollars
00:25:59to help you out
00:26:00till you get back
00:26:00on your foot
00:26:01he has suffered rejection
00:26:07frustration
00:26:08only yesterday
00:26:09in a moment
00:26:10of flirtatious
00:26:11sexy attitude
00:26:14he tried to pick up
00:26:15a woman on Hollywood
00:26:16and wouldn't buy him
00:26:17and he was chased away
00:26:18by the two boy scouts
00:26:19that were helping her
00:26:20across the street
00:26:20she hit him with a crutch
00:26:24it's because you're hostile
00:26:28Don
00:26:28patting after Dean Martin
00:26:30a sex symbol
00:26:31and a superstar
00:26:32who upped his prestige
00:26:34in the business
00:26:34through charm and grace
00:26:36he upped his prestige
00:26:38Don
00:26:38up yours
00:26:40I know that Don
00:26:58admires the man
00:26:59he said to Dean Martin
00:27:00he said
00:27:00Dean and my actor
00:27:01I do a song called
00:27:02I'm a nice guy
00:27:03he said
00:27:03but my musical performance
00:27:04is a little awkward
00:27:05what should I do
00:27:06with my hands
00:27:07while I'm singing
00:27:08Dean said
00:27:09put them over your mouth
00:27:11in his humor
00:27:16he makes some
00:27:17ethnic slurs
00:27:18well
00:27:18once when we were
00:27:20all in Florida
00:27:20I saw Sammy Davis Jr.
00:27:23water skiing
00:27:23through the Everglades
00:27:25enjoying himself immensely
00:27:26at the wheel
00:27:28of that boat
00:27:29in the broiling hot sun
00:27:30pulling Sammy Davis
00:27:32on the water skis
00:27:33was Don Rickards
00:27:34I had to shout
00:27:35my accommodation
00:27:36I said
00:27:36Don you're beautiful
00:27:38working so hard
00:27:39to entertain
00:27:40your little friend
00:27:41I said
00:27:42you're personifying
00:27:43brotherhood
00:27:44he said
00:27:45I'm baiting alligators
00:27:47Don Rickards
00:27:58has won many friends
00:27:59in many places
00:28:00before many groups
00:28:01by his philosophical
00:28:02observations
00:28:03before a physical
00:28:04fitness group
00:28:05he said
00:28:05if you want to look young
00:28:07hang out with old people
00:28:09and a Billy Graham
00:28:12revival
00:28:15he said
00:28:17he said
00:28:20if you want to be
00:28:21forgiven for your sins
00:28:22the first thing
00:28:23you've got to do
00:28:23is sin
00:28:24at the Naval Academy
00:28:29he said
00:28:30don't give up the ship
00:28:31sell it
00:28:32tomorrow
00:28:36he said
00:28:37forget about the Indians
00:28:40if they're not happy
00:28:41the way we treat them
00:28:41let them go back
00:28:42where they came from
00:28:43I was going to write a song
00:28:47about you tonight
00:28:48Don
00:28:48but the notes
00:28:49on the piano
00:28:50don't go that low
00:28:51so I say to you
00:28:56blow the trumpet
00:28:58beat up brotherhood
00:28:59beat the freedom drum
00:29:01but don't sing along
00:29:03with my people
00:29:04or we shall not overcome
00:29:06Mr. Cliff Robertson
00:29:16is a fine actor
00:29:17who won an Oscar
00:29:18for his portrayal
00:29:20of an imbecile
00:29:21in the movie
00:29:21Charlie
00:29:22and after you hear him
00:29:24you'll know why
00:29:25they picked him
00:29:25for that part
00:29:26ladies and gentlemen
00:29:30one of the most
00:29:31versatile actors
00:29:32in Hollywood
00:29:33Mr. Cliff Robertson
00:29:35thank you Dean
00:29:44I'm very happy
00:29:45to be here tonight
00:29:46because I happen
00:29:48to know something
00:29:49about Don Rickles
00:29:50that might interest you
00:29:52for the past 20 years
00:29:53Don has been leading
00:29:54a double life
00:29:55by night he's one
00:29:57of America's
00:29:58foremost comedians
00:29:59the king of the insult
00:30:00the pasha
00:30:00of the put down
00:30:01but by day
00:30:03he has a different
00:30:04profession
00:30:04by day Don Rickles
00:30:07is a priest
00:30:08that's right
00:30:10he's pastor
00:30:12right here in Los Angeles
00:30:13at the parish
00:30:14of St. Hockey Pup
00:30:15I don't know
00:30:18I don't know
00:30:19why you should be
00:30:19so surprised
00:30:20to find out
00:30:20that Don is a priest
00:30:22after all
00:30:23Joey's a bishop
00:30:23and Eva
00:30:26Eva Marie's a saint
00:30:28and I'm in a hell
00:30:29of a lot of trouble
00:30:30right now
00:30:30Father John
00:30:33has totally devoted
00:30:34his life
00:30:35to good works
00:30:36every penny
00:30:37he earns
00:30:38as a comedian
00:30:39he donates
00:30:39to the Don Rickles
00:30:40home
00:30:41for the incurably
00:30:42obnoxious
00:30:43some of his congregation
00:30:49some of his congregation
00:30:51have taken a while
00:30:52to get used to
00:30:53Don's style
00:30:54in his sermon
00:30:55the church organist
00:30:56wasn't too flattered
00:30:57when Don asked him
00:30:58where his monkey was
00:30:59and a nun
00:31:02a nun
00:31:03a little nun
00:31:04was a little startled
00:31:05once
00:31:05when Don
00:31:06told the man
00:31:07sitting next to her
00:31:08to please keep
00:31:08his penguin
00:31:09on a leash
00:31:10few people
00:31:12were taken aback
00:31:13at first
00:31:13by Don's version
00:31:14of the marriage ceremony
00:31:15do you
00:31:17dumb dumb
00:31:18take this
00:31:18fish face
00:31:19to be your
00:31:20lawfully wedded
00:31:20yo-yo
00:31:21but Don
00:31:23Don has been
00:31:24very successful
00:31:25as a priest
00:31:26the members
00:31:27of his parish
00:31:28are very careful
00:31:29not to commit
00:31:30any sins
00:31:30whatsoever
00:31:31that's because
00:31:32for a penance
00:31:33Don makes him
00:31:34watch reruns
00:31:35of his old
00:31:36TV series
00:31:37incidentally
00:31:50some of Don's
00:31:51friends
00:31:51couldn't be here
00:31:52you're amazed
00:31:53how I can talk
00:31:53without looking
00:31:54at the cue card
00:31:55don't you
00:31:55but they sent you
00:31:57some wires
00:31:57and I'm gonna
00:31:58read some
00:31:58I am
00:32:01oh god
00:32:04I'm gonna
00:32:05saw you
00:32:06this close up
00:32:07you know
00:32:07yeah
00:32:09horrible
00:32:10there's one
00:32:14from Herb Schlosser
00:32:16the president
00:32:17of NBC
00:32:18dear Don
00:32:18you had a series
00:32:19on ABC
00:32:20Friday night
00:32:21at 10 o'clock
00:32:21it was cancelled
00:32:22then you had a series
00:32:24on CBS
00:32:24Friday night
00:32:25at 10.30
00:32:26and that was cancelled
00:32:27do me a favor
00:32:29Don
00:32:29get off
00:32:30Dean's show
00:32:31fast
00:32:31our next guest
00:32:37is Jack
00:32:38Klugman
00:32:39you all know
00:32:40Jack
00:32:41he's half
00:32:41of the odd
00:32:42couple
00:32:42maybe next time
00:32:44we'll get the
00:32:44funny half
00:32:45ladies and the
00:32:47winner of two Emmy
00:32:49awards
00:32:49Mr. Jack Klugman
00:32:50Don
00:33:02has appeared
00:33:02with a lot
00:33:02of great stars
00:33:03as we know
00:33:03Clark Gable
00:33:04and Tony Curtis
00:33:05Debbie Reynolds
00:33:06Clint Eastwood
00:33:07he has appeared
00:33:07with them all
00:33:08once
00:33:09what a performance
00:33:13he gave in the
00:33:14movie Rat Race
00:33:14it almost got him
00:33:15the lead in Willard
00:33:16then he made
00:33:26a very important
00:33:27film
00:33:28Bikini Beach
00:33:29remember that
00:33:30he played a
00:33:31sand dab in Heat
00:33:32then in quick
00:33:36succession
00:33:37he was really hot
00:33:37he made the man
00:33:38with the x-ray
00:33:38eyes
00:33:39and Edward laughing
00:33:40and Kelly's heroes
00:33:41those pictures
00:33:42they really make it
00:33:43easy to sum up
00:33:44his movie career
00:33:45in one word
00:33:46over
00:33:47again he's
00:33:52faking
00:33:52don't fake the
00:33:53laughter
00:33:53but he's going to
00:33:55make a sensational
00:33:56comeback
00:33:57because next week
00:33:58Don starts his
00:33:59own life story
00:34:00he's going to film
00:34:00Deep Mouth
00:34:01applause
00:34:02thank you Jack
00:34:15and now I'd like
00:34:15you to meet
00:34:16Pat Henry
00:34:18Pat
00:34:19worked and
00:34:21traveled with
00:34:21Frank Sinatra
00:34:22for years
00:34:23which is one of
00:34:25the reasons
00:34:25Frank went
00:34:26into retirement
00:34:27very funny
00:34:30comedian
00:34:31Mr. Pat
00:34:32Henry
00:34:33applause
00:34:34thank you
00:34:41baby
00:34:41as you know
00:34:44ladies and gentlemen
00:34:44there's something
00:34:45about Don Rickles
00:34:46very few people
00:34:47know
00:34:47first of all
00:34:48Don
00:34:49was born
00:34:50an only twin
00:34:50laughter
00:34:52and to look at
00:34:55Don
00:34:56you know
00:34:56he wasn't a
00:34:57very pretty baby
00:34:58in fact
00:34:58at birth
00:34:59when the doctor
00:34:59held him up
00:35:00he slapped him
00:35:01right in the face
00:35:02laughter
00:35:03and when his mother
00:35:10saw him
00:35:10she slapped the
00:35:11doctor in the face
00:35:12laughter
00:35:13as you know
00:35:18Don was a
00:35:19bottle fed baby
00:35:20even his mother
00:35:22didn't trust him
00:35:22up close
00:35:23laughter
00:35:24to get on
00:35:28the good side
00:35:29of all the kids
00:35:29in school
00:35:30Don would tell
00:35:30him he had
00:35:31E-S-P
00:35:32unfortunately
00:35:34he was trying
00:35:34to spell car
00:35:35laughter
00:35:37laughter
00:35:39laughter
00:35:41laughter
00:35:42laughter
00:35:43but
00:35:47you wonder
00:35:48what kind
00:35:48of a guy
00:35:48Don really is
00:35:49he once
00:35:50invited
00:35:50Jewell Gibbons
00:35:51over for lunch
00:35:52laughter
00:35:53he served
00:35:54him poison
00:35:54I-V
00:35:55laughter
00:35:55one of Don's
00:36:14closest friends
00:36:15couldn't be with us
00:36:16tonight
00:36:17because he's up in
00:36:18Canada filming on
00:36:19location
00:36:20but he insisted on
00:36:21being a part of
00:36:22tonight's roast
00:36:23so ladies and
00:36:24gentlemen
00:36:25direct from
00:36:25Montreal
00:36:26there's one of
00:36:27Hollywood's
00:36:28foremost actors
00:36:29Mr. Kirk Douglas
00:36:30applause
00:36:31thank you Dean
00:36:32I'm sorry to be up
00:36:34here in Montreal
00:36:34when you're roasting
00:36:35Rickles down there
00:36:36that's always been
00:36:38my favorite dish
00:36:40roast weasel
00:36:41laughter
00:36:42I shouldn't have
00:36:43said that
00:36:44after all
00:36:45weasels have
00:36:46feelings too
00:36:47laughter
00:36:47but actually
00:36:49I owe a great
00:36:51deal to my
00:36:51good friend
00:36:52Don
00:36:52you see
00:36:54when an actor
00:36:55prepares for a
00:36:56character
00:36:56he gets ideas
00:36:58from observing
00:36:58real people
00:36:59all around him
00:37:00and Don Rickles
00:37:02has always been
00:37:03a real character
00:37:03now in many
00:37:04pictures I
00:37:05patterned my
00:37:06characterizations
00:37:06after him
00:37:07for example
00:37:08I'm doing a
00:37:08picture up here
00:37:09in Montreal
00:37:09right now
00:37:10that's based
00:37:11a little bit
00:37:12on Don
00:37:12it's called
00:37:13Mousy
00:37:14now if it was
00:37:15really based
00:37:15on Don
00:37:16completely
00:37:16it would have
00:37:17been called
00:37:17The Rat
00:37:18laughter
00:37:19I remember
00:37:20that in
00:37:20Spartacus
00:37:21I played
00:37:22a gladiator
00:37:23who fought
00:37:24more than
00:37:24300 men
00:37:25to death
00:37:25that was
00:37:26based on
00:37:27Don
00:37:27he can't
00:37:28get along
00:37:28with anybody
00:37:29either
00:37:29laughter
00:37:31yeah Don
00:37:31gave me
00:37:31the inspiration
00:37:32for the
00:37:32dual role
00:37:33of Dr. Jekyll
00:37:34and Mr. Hyde
00:37:35you know
00:37:37anybody more
00:37:37two-faced
00:37:38than Don
00:37:38laughter
00:37:39he also
00:37:40gave me
00:37:40my characterization
00:37:41for the
00:37:42trumpet player
00:37:42in Young Man
00:37:43with a Horn
00:37:44because he's
00:37:45another blowhard
00:37:46with a lot
00:37:46of lip
00:37:46now
00:37:48in The Bad
00:37:49and The Beautiful
00:37:49though
00:37:49it was
00:37:5050-50
00:37:51I used
00:37:52myself
00:37:53for the
00:37:53beautiful
00:37:53and him
00:37:55for the
00:37:55bad
00:37:55laughter
00:37:56and champion
00:37:58my price
00:37:59fighter
00:37:59like Don
00:38:00did know
00:38:00when to
00:38:01quit
00:38:01and finally
00:38:03in my last
00:38:04picture
00:38:04scalawag
00:38:05I played
00:38:05a peg-legged
00:38:06pirate
00:38:06who like
00:38:07Don
00:38:07doesn't have
00:38:08a leg
00:38:08to stand
00:38:09on
00:38:09but he
00:38:09sure
00:38:09knows
00:38:09how to
00:38:10steal
00:38:10the money
00:38:10and run
00:38:11laughter
00:38:12good luck
00:38:12Don
00:38:13applause
00:38:14applause
00:38:15our next
00:38:17guest
00:38:18is
00:38:19the great
00:38:20impressionist
00:38:21Mr. Rich Little
00:38:22yes sir
00:38:24Rich can
00:38:25applause
00:38:25Rich can be
00:38:28anybody
00:38:28who wants
00:38:29to be
00:38:29why he chose
00:38:30to be
00:38:30Rich Little
00:38:31I'll never know
00:38:32laughter
00:38:33when you're in the
00:38:35business
00:38:35as long as me
00:38:36you'll know
00:38:36how to read
00:38:37them lines
00:38:38baby
00:38:38applause
00:38:38a really
00:38:42great
00:38:42talent
00:38:43Mr. Rich
00:38:45Little
00:38:45applause
00:38:47applause
00:38:49applause
00:38:50applause
00:38:52applause
00:38:54applause
00:38:56thank you
00:38:58Dean
00:39:01for that
00:39:02strange
00:39:02introduction
00:39:03laughter
00:39:03Don
00:39:12I'm a nice
00:39:13guy
00:39:14I'm so delighted
00:39:35that Carol
00:39:35Channing could be
00:39:36here this evening
00:39:38instead of
00:39:39staying at home
00:39:39and watching
00:39:40Milt Chamberlain
00:39:41drop basketballs
00:39:42in her mouth
00:39:43applause
00:39:44applause
00:39:45applause
00:39:46applause
00:39:47applause
00:39:48ah
00:39:49hey it really
00:39:51is an honor
00:39:52to be here
00:39:52tonight
00:39:52to pay tribute
00:39:54to this truly
00:39:55outstanding human
00:39:56being
00:39:56Don Rickles
00:39:58applause
00:39:58not many people
00:39:59know this
00:40:00but Don
00:40:01recently
00:40:01volunteered
00:40:02to take part
00:40:03in a series
00:40:04of experiments
00:40:05being conducted
00:40:06at the UCLA
00:40:07Medical Center
00:40:08see they're
00:40:09trying out
00:40:10new drugs
00:40:10on Don
00:40:11to see
00:40:11if they're
00:40:12safe
00:40:12for rats
00:40:13applause
00:40:14applause
00:40:15I did that
00:40:18as myself
00:40:19but
00:40:22I ain't got
00:40:25to laugh
00:40:26I know
00:40:29what the
00:40:29impression
00:40:30that's what
00:40:34you've been
00:40:35saying for years
00:40:35right
00:40:36why don't you
00:40:36go home
00:40:36take a warm bath
00:40:37why don't you
00:40:39rub a duck
00:40:40drum
00:40:40applause
00:40:41I've
00:40:42uh
00:40:42applause
00:40:43applause
00:40:44applause
00:40:46applause
00:40:48hey I've
00:40:49really been
00:40:49looking forward
00:40:50to this occasion
00:40:51in fact a few
00:40:51nights ago
00:40:52I had a dream
00:40:53about Don
00:40:53Rickles
00:40:54just my luck
00:40:55laughter
00:40:56actually it was
00:40:57more a nightmare
00:40:58I dreamt that
00:41:00all the world's
00:41:01major political
00:41:01leaders had
00:41:02gathered at the
00:41:03White House
00:41:03in Washington
00:41:04for a conference
00:41:05to bring peace
00:41:06to the world
00:41:07and in my dream
00:41:09Don Rickles
00:41:10was president
00:41:10of the United
00:41:11States
00:41:12and he was
00:41:14greeting them
00:41:15all
00:41:15now here are
00:41:17some of the
00:41:17things that
00:41:18President Rickles
00:41:19was saying
00:41:19in my dream
00:41:21ah King
00:41:25Fasal of
00:41:26Saudi Arabia
00:41:27so so so so
00:41:28so glad you
00:41:29could come
00:41:29hope you find
00:41:31the parking
00:41:31place for your
00:41:32camel
00:41:32anyway Dan
00:41:34may I say
00:41:34something your
00:41:35highness
00:41:35and I say
00:41:35this from
00:41:36the bottom
00:41:36of my heart
00:41:37you've got to
00:41:40be the ugliest
00:41:41king I've
00:41:41ever seen
00:41:42in my life
00:41:42your face
00:41:52was a building
00:41:52and be condemned
00:41:53anyway gang
00:41:55Mopsy Todd
00:42:01I love you
00:42:02you're a wonderful
00:42:04little guy
00:42:04you're a little
00:42:05taggy
00:42:06I know you've
00:42:07got a lot
00:42:07on your mind
00:42:08but try and
00:42:08remember next time
00:42:09no starch
00:42:09on the collar
00:42:10huh
00:42:10Fidel Castro
00:42:13what are you
00:42:13doing here
00:42:14tonight you
00:42:14hockey puck
00:42:15what you do
00:42:16get a note
00:42:17from the Russians
00:42:17saying you
00:42:17can take
00:42:18the night off
00:42:18incidentally
00:42:19is that a beard
00:42:20or are you
00:42:20sticking your head
00:42:21under your armpit
00:42:22anyway gang
00:42:24is he coming
00:42:31towards me
00:42:31huh
00:42:32if you see
00:42:33teeth it's not
00:42:33an ivory hunt
00:42:34anyway gang
00:42:35isn't this fun
00:42:37huh Dan
00:42:38huh
00:42:38isn't this fun
00:42:39staying up late
00:42:40and everything
00:42:40huh
00:42:40isn't this great
00:42:42and it's better
00:42:42than sitting
00:42:42around the house
00:42:43discussing your
00:42:44next series
00:42:44anyway gang
00:42:46hey look
00:42:48who's here
00:42:48all the way
00:42:49from the
00:42:49Soviet Union
00:42:50Mr. and Mrs.
00:42:51Brezhnev
00:42:51don't tell me
00:42:53let me guess
00:42:53which one
00:42:53is which
00:42:54huh
00:42:54hey
00:42:59Premier Tanaka
00:43:00of Japan
00:43:00what are you
00:43:03looking so
00:43:03scared for
00:43:04you hockey puck
00:43:05John Wayne's
00:43:05not here tonight
00:43:06last time
00:43:07I was in
00:43:08Tokyo
00:43:09I met
00:43:09your beautiful
00:43:10wife
00:43:10and your
00:43:10lovely kids
00:43:11and I must
00:43:12say
00:43:12that's
00:43:12quite a set
00:43:13of Tanaka
00:43:13she's got
00:43:14there
00:43:14and then
00:43:18all of a
00:43:19sudden
00:43:19I awoke
00:43:21the dream
00:43:21was over
00:43:22I was awakened
00:43:22by the telephone
00:43:23I picked it up
00:43:24it was Don
00:43:25Rickles' agent
00:43:26telling me
00:43:26he wanted
00:43:27$75,000
00:43:29for appearing
00:43:30in my dream
00:43:31you know
00:43:41because of
00:43:41Don's
00:43:42biting style
00:43:43of humor
00:43:43some people
00:43:44have the idea
00:43:45that he has
00:43:46a cruel streak
00:43:47don't you
00:43:48believe it
00:43:49and so
00:43:50knowing what
00:43:51a fine person
00:43:52Don Rickles
00:43:53really is
00:43:54it hurts me
00:43:55when I hear
00:43:55stories about
00:43:56him that I
00:43:57know to be
00:43:58false
00:43:58and I would
00:43:59like to take
00:44:00this opportunity
00:44:00to deny
00:44:01some of these
00:44:02nasty rumors
00:44:03in the first
00:44:04place
00:44:04it's not true
00:44:06that when
00:44:06Don was a
00:44:07little boy
00:44:07he used to
00:44:08hide his
00:44:09grandmother's
00:44:10bedpan
00:44:10in the freezer
00:44:11simply untrue
00:44:14nor is it true
00:44:16that he staples
00:44:17worms to the ground
00:44:18so that birds
00:44:19trying to pull
00:44:20them out
00:44:20will get
00:44:21hernias
00:44:22it's not true
00:44:27that Don once
00:44:28said to
00:44:28Pope Paul
00:44:29tell me
00:44:30your holiness
00:44:31how come a guy
00:44:32as successful
00:44:33as you
00:44:33never married
00:44:34and it is
00:44:39absolutely untrue
00:44:40that in Don's
00:44:41home
00:44:41there is a
00:44:42roll of
00:44:43sandpaper
00:44:43in the
00:44:44guest bathroom
00:44:44all these
00:44:47stories are
00:44:48completely
00:44:49false
00:44:49Don Rickles
00:44:50is the
00:44:51kindest
00:44:51sweetest
00:44:52nicest
00:44:52person
00:44:53you will
00:44:53ever meet
00:44:54and I
00:44:55am the
00:44:56queen
00:44:56of Romania
00:44:57well our
00:45:01next speaker
00:45:02is one of
00:45:04Hollywood's
00:45:05outstanding
00:45:05actors
00:45:06Tali Savalas
00:45:07a man
00:45:09whose talent
00:45:10outshines
00:45:11his head
00:45:12ladies and
00:45:13gentlemen
00:45:14the star
00:45:14of Kojak
00:45:15Mr. Tali
00:45:16Savalas
00:45:17you know
00:45:33they say
00:45:34that hate
00:45:34and love
00:45:34are very
00:45:35close
00:45:35emotions
00:45:36and Don
00:45:38Rickles
00:45:38here is
00:45:38proof of
00:45:39that
00:45:39because
00:45:39he's
00:45:39one of
00:45:40the few
00:45:40people
00:45:40I hate
00:45:41to love
00:45:41and I
00:45:44can say
00:45:44that
00:45:44sincerely
00:45:45because
00:45:49for a long
00:45:50time now
00:45:50Don has
00:45:50been one
00:45:51of my
00:45:51or he
00:45:52claims to
00:45:52be one
00:45:52of my
00:45:52best
00:45:53friends
00:45:53during our
00:45:55early days
00:45:55in New York
00:45:56he used
00:45:56to babysit
00:45:56for me
00:45:57he's much
00:45:58more mature
00:45:58as you know
00:45:59Don and I
00:46:00were inseparable
00:46:00we had the
00:46:01kind of
00:46:02friendship that
00:46:02nothing could
00:46:04ever break
00:46:04up
00:46:04it lasted
00:46:06until he
00:46:06moved across
00:46:07the street
00:46:07but to this
00:46:10day I know
00:46:10I can
00:46:11I can
00:46:11count on him
00:46:12in any
00:46:13emergency
00:46:14Don
00:46:14he's always
00:46:15right there
00:46:16when he
00:46:16needs me
00:46:17and you
00:46:23know
00:46:23I played
00:46:24a very
00:46:24big part
00:46:25in Don's
00:46:25life
00:46:26I was
00:46:27the one
00:46:27who introduced
00:46:28him to
00:46:28Barbara
00:46:29Barbara
00:46:29I'm sorry
00:46:30Barbara's
00:46:32his wife
00:46:33so I get
00:46:33to pick
00:46:34up the
00:46:34litter
00:46:34now
00:46:39he
00:46:42he
00:46:42also
00:46:43helped
00:46:43straighten
00:46:44her
00:46:44tooth
00:46:44before
00:46:44she
00:46:45married
00:46:45Don
00:46:45but she
00:46:46wound up
00:46:47with this
00:46:47molar
00:46:47you know Don
00:46:53and I made a picture
00:46:54together in Yugoslavia
00:46:55it's called
00:46:55Kelly's Heroes
00:46:56Yugoslavia
00:46:58oh Don
00:46:58never forget
00:46:59one of the few places
00:47:02in the world
00:47:02where you can still
00:47:03enjoy yourself
00:47:03without having a good
00:47:04time
00:47:04after the movie
00:47:11was completed
00:47:12the whole gang
00:47:12chipped in
00:47:13presented Don
00:47:14with a gift
00:47:14certificate
00:47:15for 25
00:47:16electric shock
00:47:16treatments
00:47:17someone
00:47:21someone wants to
00:47:25find an actor
00:47:25as a person
00:47:26who tries
00:47:26to be
00:47:27everything
00:47:27but himself
00:47:28in Don
00:47:30Rickles case
00:47:30believe me
00:47:31anything else
00:47:32but himself
00:47:33would be an
00:47:33improvement
00:47:47an affair
00:47:51like this
00:47:52would not be
00:47:55complete
00:47:56without our
00:47:56next guest
00:47:57he's famous
00:47:59for his
00:47:59after dinner
00:48:00speeches
00:48:01he's one of the
00:48:02legends
00:48:02of show business
00:48:03and he certainly
00:48:05needs no
00:48:05introductions
00:48:06still
00:48:06but here he is
00:48:15a wonderful
00:48:17man
00:48:18I come here
00:48:32tonight
00:48:33ladies and
00:48:33gentlemen
00:48:40I'm
00:48:40disturbed
00:48:41and saw
00:48:42them a crazy
00:48:42evening
00:48:43to see
00:48:44our dearly
00:48:45departed
00:48:46friend
00:48:46Don
00:48:47Rickles
00:48:47words alone
00:48:50cannot convey
00:48:51the grief
00:48:52that I feel
00:48:52in my heart
00:48:53for this
00:48:53wonderful man
00:48:54who was
00:48:54taken away
00:48:55from us
00:48:55all too soon
00:48:56by the hand
00:49:03of our
00:49:03heavenly
00:49:04father
00:49:04however
00:49:06we can all
00:49:10take solace
00:49:11knowing
00:49:12that Don
00:49:13has gone
00:49:14and entered
00:49:14that big
00:49:15stage door
00:49:16in the
00:49:16score
00:49:17to join
00:49:19the other
00:49:19greats
00:49:19from the
00:49:20house
00:49:20and
00:49:20doors
00:49:20of show
00:49:21business
00:49:21such luminaries
00:49:26as George M.
00:49:27Coran
00:49:27and
00:49:28Al
00:49:28and
00:49:29Ricardo
00:49:29Cortez
00:49:30yes
00:49:41ladies and
00:49:42gentlemen
00:49:42Don
00:49:42Rickles
00:49:43shall not
00:49:43pass this
00:49:44way again
00:49:44and for
00:49:45that we
00:49:45can all
00:49:46be great
00:49:46but then
00:49:51just for a
00:49:51moment
00:49:52he
00:49:53counted
00:49:53those
00:49:54last
00:49:54poignant
00:49:54days
00:49:55in
00:49:55Don
00:49:56Coran
00:49:56before the
00:49:58final curtain
00:49:59rang down
00:49:59for eternity
00:50:00his lovely
00:50:06wife
00:50:07Barbara
00:50:07came to
00:50:09his deathbed
00:50:10with her
00:50:10new fiancée
00:50:11George
00:50:11Bush
00:50:12under that
00:50:20surface
00:50:20of hatred
00:50:21and cruelty
00:50:22was a layer
00:50:22of warmth
00:50:23and love
00:50:24and under
00:50:25that layer
00:50:26ladies and
00:50:26gentlemen
00:50:27was another
00:50:28layer
00:50:29of even
00:50:30more hatred
00:50:30and cruelty
00:50:31there's much
00:50:35more I can
00:50:35say but I
00:50:36have to
00:50:36leave
00:50:37I'm doing
00:50:39a moral
00:50:40griffin
00:50:41and now
00:50:42it is the
00:50:43request of
00:50:43the family
00:50:44that we
00:50:45all get
00:50:46into our
00:50:46remercines
00:50:47and drive
00:50:48out to
00:50:49Don's
00:50:49final resting
00:50:50place
00:50:50the
00:50:52forest lawn
00:50:52animal
00:50:53cemetery
00:50:53all I can
00:51:01say
00:51:02is we
00:51:02define
00:51:03West
00:51:03D.P.
00:51:17That's
00:51:18Mr.
00:51:18Charlie
00:51:19Callis
00:51:19ladies and
00:51:20gentlemen
00:51:20ladies and
00:51:29gentlemen
00:51:29let's
00:51:29welcome
00:51:30a great
00:51:30astronaut
00:51:31and a
00:51:32great
00:51:32pal of our
00:51:32men of the
00:51:33week
00:51:33captain
00:51:34Eugene
00:51:34sermon
00:51:35thank you
00:51:50thank you
00:51:54thank you very
00:51:55much
00:51:55Dean
00:51:55I
00:51:55very sincerely
00:51:57want to say
00:51:58I'm very
00:51:59proud to be
00:52:00called a
00:52:00friend of
00:52:01Don's
00:52:02and it's
00:52:03certainly a
00:52:03privilege to
00:52:04share with
00:52:05you this
00:52:05evening
00:52:06this honor
00:52:07I guess you'd
00:52:09call it an
00:52:09honor that
00:52:09you're bestowing
00:52:10upon Don
00:52:11because from
00:52:11what I've
00:52:12heard you
00:52:12deserve it
00:52:13all
00:52:13the real
00:52:17reason I'm
00:52:19I'm here
00:52:19this evening
00:52:20is that I've
00:52:20been credited
00:52:21with what
00:52:22some people
00:52:23with what
00:52:23many call
00:52:25a remarkable
00:52:25accomplishment
00:52:26I'm one
00:52:29of a handful
00:52:29of men
00:52:30who have
00:52:31achieved
00:52:31the near
00:52:33impossible
00:52:33yes ladies
00:52:35and gentlemen
00:52:36I Gene
00:52:36Cernan
00:52:37have actually
00:52:38spent ten
00:52:39whole minutes
00:52:40with Don
00:52:41Rickles
00:52:41without
00:52:45bellying them
00:52:46in the mouth
00:52:47I've known
00:52:50Don for
00:52:50quite a few
00:52:51years
00:52:52as a matter
00:52:52of fact
00:52:52that may
00:52:53be one
00:52:53of the
00:52:54main reasons
00:52:54that I
00:52:55chose to
00:52:56go to
00:52:56the moon
00:52:56hopefully
00:52:59to get
00:53:00a little
00:53:00peace and
00:53:00quiet
00:53:01for a
00:53:01change
00:53:01and wouldn't
00:53:04you know
00:53:04it
00:53:04while we're
00:53:05out there
00:53:06a quarter
00:53:06million miles
00:53:07away from
00:53:07home
00:53:07on our
00:53:07way
00:53:08to the
00:53:09moon
00:53:09someone
00:53:09decided
00:53:10to pipe
00:53:10up
00:53:11your
00:53:12act
00:53:12Don
00:53:13up into
00:53:14the
00:53:14spacecraft
00:53:14I
00:53:16later
00:53:16found out
00:53:16that our
00:53:17mission was
00:53:17a little
00:53:17bit more
00:53:18than just
00:53:18a lunar
00:53:18landing
00:53:19but it
00:53:19was somewhat
00:53:19of an
00:53:19endurance
00:53:20test
00:53:20they were
00:53:23actually
00:53:23checking our
00:53:24threshold of
00:53:24pain
00:53:25but you know
00:53:27very sincerely
00:53:29Don you
00:53:30would have
00:53:30made a
00:53:31great astronaut
00:53:32and I
00:53:33really do
00:53:33mean that
00:53:34if we
00:53:35decided
00:53:36to send
00:53:37Don
00:53:37Rickles
00:53:37to the
00:53:38moon
00:53:39I
00:53:39know
00:53:40we'd
00:53:40all
00:53:40save
00:53:40a lot
00:53:40of
00:53:40money
00:53:41because
00:53:41I'm
00:53:41sure
00:53:42the
00:53:42vote
00:53:42in
00:53:42America
00:53:43would be
00:53:43for a
00:53:44one-way
00:53:44trip
00:53:44God bless you
00:53:45our next
00:54:01speaker has
00:54:02never met
00:54:03Don
00:54:04Rickles
00:54:04boy that's
00:54:07a lucky
00:54:07guy
00:54:08but he
00:54:10asked especially
00:54:11if he could
00:54:12come here
00:54:12tonight just
00:54:12to pay
00:54:13tribute to
00:54:14him
00:54:14ladies and
00:54:14gentlemen
00:54:15would you
00:54:15please welcome
00:54:16Mr. Foster
00:54:17Brooks
00:54:18thank you
00:54:39thank you
00:54:40very much
00:54:41as the
00:54:44poor
00:54:44Frederic
00:54:45and gentlemen
00:54:46just told
00:54:46you
00:54:47I have
00:54:54never met
00:54:54Don
00:54:55Rickles
00:54:56in fact
00:54:59he's probably
00:55:00wondering
00:55:00what I'm
00:55:01doing
00:55:01here
00:55:02he has
00:55:06never even
00:55:07seen
00:55:07never even
00:55:08seen
00:55:08he has
00:55:12never seen
00:55:12me
00:55:13before
00:55:13he has
00:55:22never heard
00:55:23heard of me
00:55:23and our
00:55:24paths have
00:55:25never
00:55:25crawled
00:55:25draw
00:55:26however
00:55:33however
00:55:33Mr.
00:55:33records
00:55:34you
00:55:34and
00:55:34I
00:55:34do
00:55:34have
00:55:35an
00:55:36indirectly
00:55:37relationship
00:55:38you
00:55:40see
00:55:41I'm
00:55:41fooling
00:55:41around
00:55:41with
00:55:42your
00:55:42wife
00:55:42so you
00:56:01see
00:56:01we do
00:56:02have
00:56:02something
00:56:03in
00:56:03calm
00:56:03I
00:56:06hope
00:56:06you
00:56:07understand
00:56:07Don
00:56:08we
00:56:09have
00:56:09tried
00:56:09to
00:56:10keep
00:56:10us
00:56:10very
00:56:10discreet
00:56:12so don't
00:56:15tell
00:56:15anybody
00:56:15will you
00:56:16my wife
00:56:22would be
00:56:23furious
00:56:23if she
00:56:23found
00:56:24down
00:56:24about it
00:56:24Don
00:56:29well I
00:56:29really
00:56:29must
00:56:30compliment
00:56:30you
00:56:31on
00:56:31your
00:56:31spouse
00:56:31Mrs.
00:56:32Mrs.
00:56:33Pickles
00:56:33I
00:56:36say
00:56:36that
00:56:36because
00:56:37she's
00:56:37a real
00:56:37dilly
00:56:38and
00:56:45I
00:56:45must
00:56:45also
00:56:46admit
00:56:46you
00:56:46have
00:56:46a
00:56:46very
00:56:47lovely
00:56:47home
00:56:48incidentally
00:56:51you're
00:56:51out
00:56:51of
00:56:51scotch
00:56:52if
00:57:04you
00:57:04happen
00:57:05to
00:57:05think
00:57:05of
00:57:06her
00:57:06pick
00:57:06out
00:57:06some
00:57:07pretzels
00:57:07you
00:57:18know
00:57:19that
00:57:19what
00:57:19your
00:57:19wife
00:57:20and
00:57:20I
00:57:20love
00:57:21to
00:57:21do
00:57:21most
00:57:21watching
00:57:24you
00:57:24while
00:57:24you're
00:57:25on
00:57:25t
00:57:25t
00:57:26while
00:57:26you're
00:57:27on
00:57:27t
00:57:27tv
00:57:28when
00:57:31you're
00:57:31on
00:57:31we
00:57:31just
00:57:31laugh
00:57:32and
00:57:32chuckle
00:57:33and
00:57:34giggle
00:57:35and
00:57:36sometimes
00:57:36we
00:57:37even
00:57:37turn
00:57:37the
00:57:37sound
00:57:38on
00:57:38and
00:57:48we
00:57:48are
00:57:48always
00:57:49sad
00:57:49when
00:57:49you
00:57:50finish
00:57:50life
00:57:50you're
00:57:51you're
00:57:51right
00:57:51it
00:57:52means
00:57:53you're
00:57:53on
00:57:53your
00:57:53way
00:57:54home
00:57:54and
00:57:54I
00:57:55better
00:57:55cheese
00:57:55it
00:57:55which
00:57:58reminds me
00:57:59you're
00:57:59out of
00:57:59Velveeta
00:58:00too
00:58:00now
00:58:13please
00:58:14don't
00:58:14don't
00:58:15blame
00:58:15your
00:58:15lovely
00:58:16wife
00:58:16for
00:58:17any
00:58:18of
00:58:18this
00:58:18our
00:58:19getting
00:58:19together
00:58:20was
00:58:20all
00:58:20all
00:58:21my
00:58:21doing
00:58:22it's
00:58:23all
00:58:23my
00:58:23fault
00:58:24I
00:58:25haven't
00:58:25be
00:58:25the
00:58:26one
00:58:26who
00:58:26answered
00:58:26her
00:58:27ad
00:58:27in
00:58:27Hollywood
00:58:27free
00:58:28press
00:58:28you
00:58:44know
00:58:44your
00:58:45wife
00:58:45thinks
00:58:46that
00:58:46thinks
00:58:47very
00:58:47highly
00:58:48of you
00:58:49Don
00:58:49she
00:58:50tells
00:58:50me
00:58:50you
00:58:50are
00:58:50one
00:58:51wonderful
00:58:52man
00:58:52and
00:58:53I
00:58:53know
00:58:53that
00:58:54you
00:58:54you
00:58:55must
00:58:55be
00:58:55put
00:58:56up
00:58:56with
00:58:56all
00:58:56her
00:58:57snoring
00:58:57she
00:59:00tells
00:59:01me
00:59:01that
00:59:01since
00:59:01she's
00:59:01been
00:59:02Mrs.
00:59:02Rick
00:59:02Rick
00:59:03Rick
00:59:03Rick
00:59:03Rick
00:59:04Rick
00:59:04Rick
00:59:04She
00:59:18says
00:59:19every
00:59:19day
00:59:19with
00:59:20you
00:59:20is
00:59:20Thanksgiving
00:59:21by
00:59:23Ellie
00:59:23that's
00:59:23what
00:59:24she
00:59:24gets
00:59:24for
00:59:24marrying
00:59:24the
00:59:25turkey
00:59:25now
00:59:48ladies and
00:59:48gentlemen
00:59:49it's time
00:59:51for revenge
00:59:52there's
00:59:55our
00:59:55man of
00:59:56the
00:59:56week
00:59:56the
00:59:58merchant
00:59:59of
01:00:00venom
01:00:01Mr.
01:00:03Don
01:00:04Rick
01:00:05Mr.
01:00:26Chairman
01:00:27Honored
01:00:30Guest
01:00:31Monsignor
01:00:33Duffy
01:00:34Rabbi
01:00:36Kinbite
01:00:37and
01:00:38Deacon
01:00:39Leroy
01:00:40some
01:00:46church
01:00:47in the
01:00:47back
01:00:47know
01:00:47Deacon
01:00:48Leroy
01:00:48while
01:00:52a
01:00:52kid
01:00:52ma
01:00:53gathering
01:00:53it is
01:00:56a
01:00:56without
01:00:57question
01:00:58in fairness
01:00:59to Mr.
01:00:59Dean
01:00:59Martin
01:01:00this
01:01:00this
01:01:00has
01:01:01been
01:01:01one
01:01:01of
01:01:01the
01:01:01longest
01:01:02evenings
01:01:03I've
01:01:03ever
01:01:03spent
01:01:04in my
01:01:04life
01:01:04except
01:01:06for
01:01:07the
01:01:07drunk
01:01:08who
01:01:11was
01:01:12just
01:01:12charming
01:01:12I
01:01:14know
01:01:14the
01:01:14hour
01:01:14is
01:01:14late
01:01:15the
01:01:15dinner
01:01:16was
01:01:16absolutely
01:01:17fantastic
01:01:17I must
01:01:18say
01:01:18a
01:01:22bowl
01:01:22of
01:01:23peanuts
01:01:23and
01:01:23water
01:01:24with
01:01:24a
01:01:24guppy
01:01:24in
01:01:24it
01:01:25one
01:01:29of the
01:01:30cheaters
01:01:30I
01:01:31would
01:01:31like
01:01:32to
01:01:32tell
01:01:32you
01:01:32something
01:01:32about
01:01:33this
01:01:33they
01:01:33make
01:01:33it
01:01:33seem
01:01:34to
01:01:34you
01:01:34out
01:01:34there
01:01:34in
01:01:34television
01:01:35land
01:01:35that
01:01:35we're
01:01:36all
01:01:36here
01:01:36with
01:01:36big
01:01:36turkey
01:01:37dinner
01:01:37or
01:01:37something
01:01:37going
01:01:38these
01:01:40people
01:01:41are
01:01:41all
01:01:41called
01:01:42and
01:01:43my
01:01:43name
01:01:43is
01:01:43mentioned
01:01:44like
01:01:44he
01:01:45don't
01:01:45care
01:01:45he's
01:01:45he's
01:01:46at
01:01:46home
01:01:46with
01:01:46his
01:01:46wife
01:01:46going
01:01:47everybody
01:01:47loves
01:01:48him
01:01:48he
01:01:50doesn't
01:01:50know
01:01:50he's
01:01:50here
01:01:50right
01:01:51now
01:01:51but
01:01:53he's
01:01:53a
01:01:53millionaire
01:01:54and
01:01:54he
01:01:54says
01:01:54hey
01:01:55as a
01:01:55favorite
01:01:55I'll
01:01:55come
01:01:55down
01:01:56and
01:01:56we'll
01:01:56kid
01:01:56with
01:01:57the
01:01:57Jew
01:01:57for
01:01:57a
01:01:57couple
01:01:57hours
01:01:57I
01:02:03say
01:02:03to
01:02:03you
01:02:03Dean
01:02:03with
01:02:03all
01:02:04sincerity
01:02:04if
01:02:05Italy
01:02:05goes
01:02:05to
01:02:06war
01:02:06so
01:02:07help
01:02:07me
01:02:07I'll
01:02:07back
01:02:08the
01:02:08other
01:02:08side
01:02:08can
01:02:12you
01:02:13imagine
01:02:13if
01:02:13Italy
01:02:13was
01:02:14at
01:02:14war
01:02:14and
01:02:14he
01:02:14was
01:02:14a
01:02:14general
01:02:15hey
01:02:15I
01:02:15think
01:02:16we
01:02:16all
01:02:16attack
01:02:16but
01:02:25I'd
01:02:25like
01:02:25to
01:02:26say
01:02:26I'd
01:02:26like
01:02:26to
01:02:26clear
01:02:26up
01:02:26a
01:02:27matter
01:02:27right
01:02:27off
01:02:27the
01:02:27bat
01:02:28and
01:02:28tell
01:02:28you
01:02:28from
01:02:28the
01:02:28top
01:02:29tonight
01:02:30I'm
01:02:30very
01:02:30delighted
01:02:30because
01:02:31this
01:02:31is
01:02:31a
01:02:31long
01:02:32road
01:02:32I
01:02:33had
01:02:33my
01:02:33first
01:02:34big
01:02:34break
01:02:34on
01:02:35the
01:02:35Dean
01:02:35Martin
01:02:35show
01:02:35through
01:02:36Dean
01:02:36and
01:02:36Greg
01:02:36Garrison
01:02:37his
01:02:37producer
01:02:38when
01:02:38they
01:02:38put
01:02:39me
01:02:39on
01:02:39the
01:02:39show
01:02:39for
01:02:39the
01:02:39first
01:02:40time
01:02:40with
01:02:40every
01:02:40celebrity
01:02:41in
01:02:41Hollywood
01:02:41and
01:02:42I
01:02:42was
01:02:42completely
01:02:43soaking
01:02:44perspiring
01:02:46and
01:02:47I'd
01:02:47like
01:02:47to
01:02:47say
01:02:47right
01:02:48out
01:02:48in
01:02:48front
01:02:48so
01:02:48it's
01:02:48not
01:02:49lost
01:02:49in
01:02:49tape
01:02:49that
01:02:50I
01:02:50thank
01:02:50you
01:02:50Dean
01:02:51really
01:02:51because
01:02:52if
01:02:52it
01:02:52wasn't
01:02:52your
01:02:53wonderful
01:02:54belief
01:02:54and
01:02:55believing
01:02:55in
01:02:55me
01:02:55and
01:02:56Greg
01:02:56really
01:02:57maybe
01:02:57this
01:02:57day
01:02:57would
01:02:58not
01:02:58have
01:02:58come
01:02:58about
01:02:58and
01:02:59I'm
01:02:59very
01:03:16his
01:03:18lovely
01:03:18wife
01:03:18sits
01:03:19by
01:03:19the
01:03:19bed
01:03:19every
01:03:20night
01:03:20saying
01:03:20try
01:03:20to
01:03:20reach
01:03:21the
01:03:21medicine
01:03:21when
01:03:26you
01:03:27go
01:03:27this
01:03:27time
01:03:27a lot
01:03:28of
01:03:28women
01:03:28are
01:03:28going
01:03:28to
01:03:28collect
01:03:29no
01:03:35he's
01:03:35got
01:03:35a
01:03:35lovely
01:03:35wife
01:03:36his
01:03:36lovely
01:03:36what's
01:03:36her
01:03:37name
01:03:37Catherine
01:03:40she's
01:03:40a
01:03:40lovely
01:03:40girl
01:03:41you'll
01:03:41find
01:03:41her
01:03:41in
01:03:41the
01:03:41lobby
01:03:41later
01:03:42going
01:03:42would
01:03:42you
01:03:42buy
01:03:42me
01:03:43a
01:03:43sweater
01:03:43probably
01:03:45stricken
01:03:46broad
01:03:46but it's
01:03:46embarrassing
01:03:47really
01:03:47I'd like
01:03:49to say
01:03:49going down
01:03:50the line
01:03:50first of
01:03:51all
01:03:52Nipsey
01:03:52Russell
01:03:52a dear
01:03:53friend
01:03:54many
01:03:54many
01:03:54times
01:03:55you've
01:03:55asked
01:03:55to hang
01:03:55out
01:03:55with
01:03:56me
01:03:56but
01:03:56I
01:03:56felt
01:03:56it
01:03:56embarrassing
01:03:57I
01:03:59being
01:03:59a
01:03:59Jew
01:03:59I
01:03:59don't
01:04:00need
01:04:00no
01:04:00watermelon
01:04:00truck
01:04:01around
01:04:01me
01:04:01and
01:04:04don't
01:04:04put
01:04:04that
01:04:04over
01:04:04your
01:04:04head
01:04:05couple
01:04:05of
01:04:05guys
01:04:05from
01:04:05Georgia
01:04:06will
01:04:06come
01:04:06up
01:04:06here
01:04:06but
01:04:09I
01:04:09love
01:04:09you
01:04:10Nipsey
01:04:10black
01:04:10or
01:04:10white
01:04:10it
01:04:11doesn't
01:04:11matter
01:04:11to
01:04:11me
01:04:16our
01:04:18society
01:04:19today
01:04:19we are
01:04:19all
01:04:20brothers
01:04:20in
01:04:20arms
01:04:20as
01:04:21Nipsey
01:04:21told
01:04:21you
01:04:21people
01:04:22out
01:04:22there
01:04:22we
01:04:22just
01:04:22got
01:04:22to
01:04:22get
01:04:23America
01:04:23to
01:04:23buy
01:04:23that
01:04:23I
01:04:25love
01:04:25Nipsey
01:04:26oh
01:04:27we
01:04:27have
01:04:27a
01:04:27seal
01:04:27in
01:04:27the
01:04:27crowd
01:04:28I
01:04:33like to
01:04:33say to
01:04:33Tully
01:04:33Savalas
01:04:34from the
01:04:34bottom
01:04:34of my
01:04:35heart
01:04:35really
01:04:36Tully
01:04:36I
01:04:36kid
01:04:36you
01:04:37I
01:04:37never
01:04:38liked
01:04:38you
01:04:38as
01:04:38an
01:04:38actor
01:04:39and
01:04:43Tully
01:04:43is
01:04:43the
01:04:43kind
01:04:43of
01:04:43guy
01:04:44with
01:04:44no
01:04:44money
01:04:44that
01:04:44keeps
01:04:45saying
01:04:45to
01:04:45the
01:04:45Russian
01:04:45girls
01:04:46you
01:04:46want
01:04:46to
01:04:46fool
01:04:46around
01:04:46now
01:04:50his
01:04:50wife
01:04:51is
01:04:51listening
01:04:51in
01:04:52that's
01:04:52inhumored
01:04:52because
01:04:53he
01:04:53has
01:04:53wonderful
01:04:53family
01:04:54and
01:04:54a
01:04:54wonderful
01:04:54wife
01:04:54and
01:04:55Tully
01:04:55and
01:04:55all
01:04:56of
01:04:56us
01:04:56in
01:04:56Yugoslavia
01:04:56were
01:04:57lonely
01:04:57and
01:04:57we
01:04:57thought
01:04:57of
01:04:57our
01:04:58wives
01:04:58constantly
01:04:58may
01:05:00we
01:05:00be
01:05:00paralyzed
01:05:01god
01:05:01forbid
01:05:01if
01:05:01we
01:05:02were
01:05:02alive
01:05:02but
01:05:08being
01:05:08in
01:05:08Yugoslavia
01:05:09the
01:05:09biggest
01:05:09excitement
01:05:10we
01:05:10had
01:05:10was
01:05:10watching
01:05:11Tito's
01:05:11dog
01:05:11go
01:05:12to
01:05:12the
01:05:12bathroom
01:05:15Bob
01:05:16Newhart
01:05:17made
01:05:17the
01:05:17claim
01:05:17that
01:05:18he
01:05:18was
01:05:18my
01:05:18closest
01:05:18friend
01:05:19I
01:05:19have
01:05:19never
01:05:19met
01:05:19Bob
01:05:20Newhart
01:05:20I'll
01:05:23put it
01:05:23to you
01:05:24another
01:05:24way
01:05:24Bob
01:05:24Newhart
01:05:25goes
01:05:25to
01:05:25many
01:05:26gay
01:05:26parties
01:05:27that's
01:05:29why
01:05:30you hear
01:05:30him
01:05:30going
01:05:30you
01:05:32want
01:05:32to
01:05:33dance
01:05:33Cliff
01:05:36Robinson
01:05:36is a
01:05:37fantastic
01:05:38actor
01:05:38Cliff
01:05:38is
01:05:38sort
01:05:39of
01:05:39like
01:05:39Clint
01:05:39Eastwood
01:05:40kind
01:05:40of
01:05:40down
01:05:41kind
01:05:41of
01:05:41well
01:05:41you
01:05:42died
01:05:42Cliff
01:05:43that's
01:05:43what
01:05:43you
01:05:43did
01:05:43Cliff
01:05:45is the
01:05:45type
01:05:45of
01:05:45guy
01:05:46you're
01:05:46in
01:05:46a
01:05:46raft
01:05:47and
01:05:47you're
01:05:47alone
01:05:47and
01:05:48you're
01:05:48a
01:05:48survivor
01:05:49and
01:05:49Cliff
01:05:49Robinson
01:05:49is
01:05:50the
01:05:50guy
01:05:50with
01:05:50you
01:05:50and
01:05:51you
01:05:51want
01:05:51the
01:05:51shark
01:05:51to bite
01:05:52you
01:05:52on
01:05:52a
01:05:52tushy
01:05:52so you
01:05:54have
01:05:54a
01:05:54little
01:05:54excitement
01:05:55but
01:05:56you're
01:05:56a
01:05:56fantastic
01:05:56actor
01:05:57Cliff
01:05:57you've
01:05:57told me
01:05:58that
01:05:58many
01:05:58many
01:05:58times
01:05:59and
01:06:02I
01:06:02wish
01:06:02you
01:06:03in
01:06:03your
01:06:03career
01:06:03a lot
01:06:04of
01:06:04luck
01:06:04really
01:06:04you're
01:06:05marvelous
01:06:05and thank
01:06:06you for
01:06:06coming
01:06:06we've
01:06:06been so
01:06:07close
01:06:07I met
01:06:11the guy
01:06:12once
01:06:12buying a
01:06:12paper
01:06:13but thanks
01:06:15Cliff
01:06:15for coming
01:06:15by
01:06:16I know
01:06:16how busy
01:06:16you are
01:06:16with your
01:06:17busy
01:06:17schedule
01:06:17standing
01:06:18by the
01:06:18studio
01:06:18gate
01:06:19at
01:06:19Warner
01:06:19Brothers
01:06:19saying
01:06:19to the
01:06:20cop
01:06:20at the
01:06:20gate
01:06:20won't
01:06:20anybody
01:06:21see
01:06:21me
01:06:21but
01:06:24good luck
01:06:24to you
01:06:24Roman and
01:06:25Martin
01:06:25you were
01:06:25completely
01:06:26bad
01:06:26but I
01:06:30say this
01:06:30to Dick
01:06:31and Dan
01:06:31one of the
01:06:32great teams
01:06:32they hang out
01:06:33together
01:06:33when Dan
01:06:34went on
01:06:34his raft
01:06:35around the
01:06:35world
01:06:36Dick was
01:06:36saying
01:06:36I hope
01:06:36the wind
01:06:37shifts
01:06:37but they're
01:06:40a great
01:06:40they're a
01:06:40great team
01:06:41they've had
01:06:41great success
01:06:42they're going
01:06:42to be on NBC
01:06:43again this
01:06:44year
01:06:44look at this
01:06:45they both
01:06:45went
01:06:45are we
01:06:46I don't
01:06:48know
01:06:48I hope
01:06:50not
01:06:51but
01:06:51I love
01:06:54you both
01:06:54and you're
01:06:54marvelous
01:06:55men
01:06:55Jack
01:06:56Klugman
01:06:57I say
01:06:57from the
01:06:57bottom
01:06:58of my
01:06:58heart
01:06:58Tony
01:06:59Randall
01:06:59feels
01:07:00he can
01:07:00work
01:07:00alone
01:07:01in the
01:07:01series
01:07:01you
01:07:03are
01:07:03annoying
01:07:04I never
01:07:06knew you
01:07:06had that
01:07:07much
01:07:07hair
01:07:07you
01:07:07can't
01:07:08even
01:07:08tell
01:07:08to see
01:07:13Jack
01:07:13Klugman
01:07:13in real
01:07:14life
01:07:14you can
01:07:14skew
01:07:15of him
01:07:15and tell
01:07:15he
01:07:15Savalas
01:07:16Joey
01:07:20Bishop
01:07:20we won't
01:07:21bother
01:07:21you
01:07:21I know
01:07:21you're
01:07:21just
01:07:22resting
01:07:22I'll be
01:07:27kid
01:07:27Joey
01:07:27I know
01:07:27him
01:07:28a long
01:07:28time
01:07:28and I
01:07:28said
01:07:29to
01:07:29Joey
01:07:29when I
01:07:29got
01:07:29married
01:07:30I
01:07:30said
01:07:30Joey
01:07:30I
01:07:30got
01:07:30married
01:07:31he
01:07:31said
01:07:31hey
01:07:31you
01:07:31want
01:07:32to
01:07:32see
01:07:32my
01:07:32car
01:07:32Joey
01:07:35and
01:07:36Cliff
01:07:36Robinson
01:07:36could
01:07:36hang
01:07:37out
01:07:37together
01:07:37the two
01:07:39you
01:07:39could
01:07:39just
01:07:39sit
01:07:39in
01:07:39the steam
01:07:40room
01:07:40and watch
01:07:40towels
01:07:41roll up
01:07:41Lauren
01:07:43Green
01:07:44one of the
01:07:44great
01:07:44Jewish men
01:07:45of our
01:07:45time
01:07:46who was
01:07:46that's
01:07:47kind of
01:07:47funny
01:07:47because
01:07:48we all
01:07:48have
01:07:49backgrounds
01:07:49and he's
01:07:49a great
01:07:50American
01:07:50and to
01:07:50be
01:07:51pop
01:07:51cot
01:07:51right
01:07:51and stand
01:07:52around
01:07:52it always
01:07:53struck me
01:07:53funny
01:07:53to see
01:07:54this
01:07:54man
01:07:54in
01:07:54Bonanza
01:07:55saying
01:07:55all right
01:07:56boys
01:07:56let's
01:07:57get
01:07:57the
01:07:57horses
01:07:57up
01:07:57no Jew
01:07:58rallies
01:07:58horses
01:07:59around
01:07:59no way
01:08:01we sit
01:08:02in a
01:08:02big wagon
01:08:03and go
01:08:03bring
01:08:03bring
01:08:04those
01:08:04horses
01:08:04over
01:08:04here
01:08:05rich
01:08:13little
01:08:13someday
01:08:14you gotta
01:08:14do you
01:08:15and maybe
01:08:15your wife
01:08:16will leave
01:08:16you
01:08:16you're a
01:08:18magnificent
01:08:19man
01:08:19Foster
01:08:20Brooks
01:08:20I cannot
01:08:20say your
01:08:21talent goes
01:08:21without
01:08:22speaking
01:08:22you are
01:08:22a marvelous
01:08:23man
01:08:23really
01:08:24Pat Henry
01:08:29is my
01:08:30dear friend
01:08:30he knows
01:08:30Frank Sinatra
01:08:31personally
01:08:32in fact
01:08:32they're that
01:08:32close
01:08:33when Frank
01:08:33takes his
01:08:33car out
01:08:34Pat runs
01:08:35in front
01:08:35of the
01:08:35car
01:08:36and checks
01:08:36for
01:08:36mines
01:08:37you don't
01:08:42find guys
01:08:43with that
01:08:43kind of
01:08:44loyalty
01:08:44anymore
01:08:44Frank
01:08:46did say
01:08:47to
01:08:47say
01:08:47hi
01:08:48to
01:08:48you
01:08:48Dean
01:08:48I
01:08:49know
01:08:49how
01:08:49much
01:08:49it
01:08:50means
01:08:50to
01:08:50you
01:08:50he's
01:08:52the
01:08:52kind
01:08:52of
01:08:53guy
01:08:53you
01:08:53can
01:08:53say
01:08:53goff
01:08:53a bit
01:08:54Frank
01:08:54Sinatra
01:08:55was hit
01:08:55by a
01:08:56bus
01:08:56well I'm
01:08:56going to
01:08:56take
01:08:56my
01:08:57nine
01:08:57and
01:08:57live
01:08:58live
01:08:59right up
01:09:00on a
01:09:00green
01:09:00and then
01:09:01Frank's
01:09:01going to
01:09:02hear
01:09:02your
01:09:02attitude
01:09:02and you're
01:09:02going to
01:09:03wind up
01:09:03on a
01:09:03hook
01:09:03in a
01:09:03garage
01:09:04in
01:09:04Chicago
01:09:04anyway
01:09:08look at
01:09:10that
01:09:10the big
01:09:10Irish
01:09:10guy
01:09:10went
01:09:11what
01:09:11does
01:09:11that
01:09:11mean
01:09:11Rose
01:09:12you
01:09:13Irish
01:09:14guys
01:09:14they
01:09:14don't
01:09:14know
01:09:14anything
01:09:15you
01:09:15just
01:09:15know
01:09:15how
01:09:15to
01:09:15go
01:09:15to
01:09:16picnic
01:09:16and
01:09:16take
01:09:16a
01:09:16can
01:09:16of
01:09:17beer
01:09:17and
01:09:17go
01:09:17well we
01:09:21need the
01:09:21Irish
01:09:21because we
01:09:24ain't going to
01:09:24put out no
01:09:24fire
01:09:25you can
01:09:25better
01:09:25know
01:09:25well isn't
01:09:27it the
01:09:28truth
01:09:28get in
01:09:28there
01:09:29Captain
01:09:29Duffy
01:09:29get in
01:09:30there
01:09:30Quinn
01:09:30get that
01:09:31fire
01:09:31out
01:09:32and the
01:09:33Jewish
01:09:33guys
01:09:33usually
01:09:33outside
01:09:34more
01:09:34wood
01:09:34Herbie
01:09:34more
01:09:35wood
01:09:35and the
01:09:38black
01:09:38man's
01:09:39on the
01:09:39corner
01:09:39going to
01:09:40bet we
01:09:41and the
01:09:50Polish
01:09:51kid's
01:09:51going
01:09:51for
01:09:51what
01:09:52I'm a
01:10:04nice
01:10:04girl
01:10:05son of a
01:10:11gun
01:10:11when you
01:10:11fool with
01:10:12a wife
01:10:12you must
01:10:12light a
01:10:13match and
01:10:13blow up
01:10:14and last but
01:10:19not least
01:10:19Captain
01:10:21Cernan
01:10:21I was
01:10:22overjoyed
01:10:23that this
01:10:24man would
01:10:24be here
01:10:24tonight
01:10:25I must
01:10:26say
01:10:26I was
01:10:27at the
01:10:27launch
01:10:27when
01:10:27Apollo
01:10:2717
01:10:28went to
01:10:28the
01:10:28moon
01:10:29many
01:10:29many
01:10:29of us
01:10:30forget
01:10:30great
01:10:31courage
01:10:32and great
01:10:32Americans
01:10:32at a
01:10:33time of
01:10:33need
01:10:33with our
01:10:34country
01:10:34today
01:10:34and I
01:10:35do not
01:10:35preach
01:10:36politics
01:10:36or just
01:10:37try to
01:10:37do jokes
01:10:38but in
01:10:38this man
01:10:38I take
01:10:39exception
01:10:39because he
01:10:40is a
01:10:41delightful
01:10:41wonderful
01:10:42great
01:10:42hero
01:10:42and I
01:10:43must tell
01:10:43you ladies
01:10:44and gentlemen
01:10:44to see
01:10:45that rocket
01:10:45take off
01:10:46from the
01:10:46launch pad
01:10:47and to
01:10:47be with
01:10:47his family
01:10:48and his
01:10:48dear
01:10:48ones
01:10:49and to
01:10:49watch
01:10:50this
01:10:50great
01:10:50wonderful
01:10:51human
01:10:51being
01:10:51call
01:10:51me
01:10:52the
01:10:52night
01:10:52before
01:10:52and say
01:10:53hey
01:10:53Don
01:10:53we're
01:10:54going
01:10:54to
01:10:54go
01:10:54to
01:10:54the
01:10:54moon
01:10:54to
01:10:55listen
01:10:55why don't
01:10:55you go
01:10:56over to
01:10:56the
01:10:56ticky club
01:10:57or what
01:10:57have you
01:10:57with the
01:10:58wife
01:10:58and have
01:10:58a couple
01:10:58of drinks
01:10:59and boom
01:10:59it was so
01:11:00casual
01:11:01and so
01:11:01beautiful
01:11:01that I
01:11:02just stood
01:11:03in awe
01:11:03and I
01:11:04was
01:11:04mesmerized
01:11:05by this
01:11:05great
01:11:05hero
01:11:05I say
01:11:06to all
01:11:07of you
01:11:07Americans
01:11:07and not
01:11:08to embarrass
01:11:08Eugene
01:11:08I
01:11:09thank you
01:11:09for being
01:11:09here
01:11:09tonight
01:11:10most
01:11:11important
01:11:11these
01:11:11are
01:11:11all
01:11:11performers
01:11:12but you
01:11:12are
01:11:12really
01:11:13outstanding
01:11:13gentlemen
01:11:14I
01:11:14thank you
01:11:14for coming
01:11:15Captain
01:11:15I
01:11:16want to
01:11:32Dean just
01:11:34said
01:11:34I'll go
01:11:34to the
01:11:35moon
01:11:35tonight
01:11:35you
01:11:38would
01:11:38but nobody
01:11:39would look
01:11:39up
01:11:39I
01:11:43must say
01:11:43from the
01:11:44bottom
01:11:44of my
01:11:45heart
01:11:45really
01:11:45and Kirk
01:11:45Douglas
01:11:46who was
01:11:46so kind
01:11:47to appear
01:11:47here tonight
01:11:48Kirk is a
01:11:48dear friend
01:11:49I was over
01:11:49his house
01:11:49one night
01:11:50and we
01:11:51had dinner
01:11:51and I
01:11:51said Kirk
01:11:52how do you
01:11:52feel
01:11:52he said
01:11:52how's my
01:11:53body
01:11:53look
01:11:53and I
01:11:55said
01:11:55wrinkled
01:11:56I
01:11:56know what
01:11:59I said
01:11:59you keep
01:11:59playing
01:12:00everything
01:12:00back
01:12:01just keep
01:12:01drinking
01:12:01and say
01:12:02to yourself
01:12:02your voice
01:12:03is not
01:12:03dumb
01:12:03he's
01:12:07wonderful
01:12:07though
01:12:08can you
01:12:08tell he's
01:12:0868
01:12:09anyway
01:12:10Captain
01:12:13his young
01:12:13wife's
01:12:14in the
01:12:14back
01:12:14is that
01:12:14how old
01:12:15he is
01:12:15can you
01:12:24remember
01:12:24a joke
01:12:24tomorrow
01:12:25he dies
01:12:26anyway
01:12:28I must
01:12:31say
01:12:31on behalf
01:12:32of my
01:12:33dear wife
01:12:34that
01:12:35Foster Brooks
01:12:36made some
01:12:36comments about
01:12:37she is a
01:12:37lovely lady
01:12:38when we
01:12:39were married
01:12:39I will
01:12:39never forget
01:12:40on the
01:12:40wedding night
01:12:40she looked
01:12:41at me
01:12:41and went
01:12:41this is
01:12:42exciting
01:12:43in all
01:12:50honesty
01:12:50to all
01:12:51you married
01:12:51folks out
01:12:52there
01:12:52I say
01:12:53from my
01:12:54heart
01:12:54my wife
01:12:54I married
01:12:55a volume
01:12:56a volume
01:12:59the guy
01:13:00the guy in
01:13:00the back
01:13:00the Puerto
01:13:00Rican
01:13:01guy went
01:13:01what the
01:13:02volume
01:13:02and the
01:13:04Mexican
01:13:04guy went
01:13:05that's
01:13:05something
01:13:05you plan
01:13:06to
01:13:06dump
01:13:06somewhere
01:13:07anyway
01:13:07gang
01:13:08here's your
01:13:13volume
01:13:14anyway
01:13:15by the
01:13:18way
01:13:18Phyllis Diller
01:13:19who I
01:13:19love
01:13:20really
01:13:20when
01:13:21when she
01:13:21was born
01:13:22she must
01:13:22have hit
01:13:22the hospital
01:13:23wall
01:13:24that's why
01:13:28the hair
01:13:28is
01:13:29you know
01:13:29she
01:13:30came out
01:13:31and the doctor
01:13:31went
01:13:31oh we
01:13:32missed
01:13:32Charlie
01:13:33and I've
01:13:36seen many
01:13:37beautiful women
01:13:37in my
01:13:38lifetime
01:13:38Phyllis
01:13:40help her
01:13:41she's a
01:13:43lovely
01:13:43comedian
01:13:44and a
01:13:44dear
01:13:44friend
01:13:45and a
01:13:45wonderful
01:13:45husband
01:13:45wore
01:13:46Donovan
01:13:46couldn't
01:13:46be here
01:13:46tonight
01:13:47his cape
01:13:47blew up
01:13:48on the
01:13:50wedding night
01:13:50he stood
01:13:51on top
01:13:51of the
01:13:51sink
01:13:51and went
01:13:52Batman
01:13:52anyway
01:13:55I can
01:13:59say anything
01:14:00I want
01:14:01Dan
01:14:02Dan Rowan
01:14:03sitting here
01:14:03going
01:14:04you can't
01:14:04say that
01:14:05what am I
01:14:06going to do
01:14:07you and
01:14:07Dick did
01:14:07on your
01:14:08special
01:14:08and here
01:14:08he is
01:14:09Charlie
01:14:09and his
01:14:09monkey
01:14:10which wasn't
01:14:13bad because
01:14:14that will
01:14:14be picked
01:14:14up
01:14:15anyway
01:14:16I'd like
01:14:17you to
01:14:17know
01:14:18that
01:14:18on behalf
01:14:19of my
01:14:19wife
01:14:19Barbara
01:14:19my dear
01:14:20mother
01:14:20in Florida
01:14:21who I
01:14:21love dearly
01:14:22and I
01:14:22spoke to her
01:14:22on the
01:14:22phone
01:14:22tonight
01:14:23I said
01:14:23mom
01:14:23I'm going
01:14:23to be
01:14:24on Dean
01:14:24Martin
01:14:24show
01:14:24and she
01:14:25said
01:14:25send him
01:14:25my
01:14:26love
01:14:26she used
01:14:30to know
01:14:30Gabby
01:14:30Hayes
01:14:31anyway
01:14:32but
01:14:33on behalf
01:14:34of my
01:14:34manager
01:14:34Joseph
01:14:35Scandari
01:14:35one of
01:14:35the great
01:14:36Italians
01:14:36really
01:14:37he's not
01:14:37here
01:14:37tonight
01:14:38his ice
01:14:38truck
01:14:38blew up
01:14:39on behalf
01:14:42of my
01:14:43manager
01:14:43Mr.
01:14:43Scandari
01:14:44my
01:14:44darling
01:14:45wife
01:14:45Barbara
01:14:45my
01:14:46mother
01:14:46my
01:14:47two
01:14:47children
01:14:48my
01:14:48mother-in-law
01:14:49and my
01:14:49family
01:14:49I have
01:14:50been blessed
01:14:50with one
01:14:51thing
01:14:51my humor
01:14:52is aggressive
01:14:53it is
01:14:53nonsense
01:14:53the new
01:14:54hearts are
01:14:55dear friends
01:14:55the Rowan
01:14:56and Martins
01:14:57everybody on this
01:14:58day is
01:14:58tonight
01:14:58has made me
01:14:59feel a little
01:15:00bit important
01:15:00each day
01:15:01as an actor
01:15:02when you take
01:15:02an approach
01:15:03with an image
01:15:04of being
01:15:04aggressive
01:15:05and strong
01:15:05you must
01:15:06wake up
01:15:07every morning
01:15:07as my
01:15:07father said
01:15:08he said
01:15:09Don
01:15:09when you're
01:15:10different
01:15:10your heart
01:15:11is open
01:15:11to a little
01:15:12ache
01:15:12but remember
01:15:13when you're
01:15:14different
01:15:14you might
01:15:15capture all
01:15:15the stars
01:15:16but the whole
01:15:17world will not
01:15:17rally around you
01:15:18but you have a
01:15:19chance of having
01:15:20them notice you
01:15:20so go home at
01:15:21night
01:15:22put your head
01:15:22on the pillow
01:15:23and thank God
01:15:24for what you've
01:15:25attained
01:15:26and maybe
01:15:27God will look
01:15:27down and say
01:15:28hey
01:15:28I am grateful
01:15:30to you son
01:15:30for doing
01:15:31something different
01:15:32I like to think
01:15:33that I am
01:15:33different
01:15:33I like to think
01:15:34that the public
01:15:35will understand me
01:15:36if they do
01:15:37I am grateful
01:15:37to all of you
01:15:38I wish you
01:15:39what I have
01:15:40as I say
01:15:40in my performance
01:15:41when I appear
01:15:42people around you
01:15:43who care
01:15:44that's our show
01:15:59for tonight
01:15:59I'd like to thank
01:16:00our guests
01:16:01and a very special
01:16:02thanks to our
01:16:03man of the week
01:16:03Don Rickles
01:16:05a man who's
01:16:06free of all
01:16:07prejudices
01:16:07he hates
01:16:08everybody equally
01:16:09goodnight everybody
01:16:12I'm all the way
01:16:12home Catherine
01:16:13we'll move to
01:16:14hot chocolate
01:16:15thank you so much
01:16:15I'm all the way
01:16:16and I'm all the way
01:16:29I'm all the way
01:16:29and I think
01:16:30you have to
01:16:31I'm all the way
01:16:31I want to
01:16:32and I know
01:16:32you have to
01:16:33make sure
01:16:33she's free of all
01:16:34and I know
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