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Tv, Mind Your Language - S01 - E13 - The Examination
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00:00Do-do-do-do-do
00:30Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-mo
00:33Oh dear, Irmi, I'm losing again.
00:46Good evening, oh.
00:47Oh, hello, Sid.
00:48Hey, how you doing?
00:50Do what?
00:50How you doing?
00:51Oh, thank you very much. I'll have a pint.
00:54I said, how you doing, not what you having.
00:56Do what?
00:57Never mind.
00:58come on oh hello curly what can i get you how about excited
01:06you are the 500th person to say that tonight you win our star award a beer mat oh thanks
01:13and a point for the seed selma ritter selma ritter eh i'm giovanni capello no that's not a name
01:21selma ritter means a pint of bitter it's cockney rhyming slang ah sure i remember
01:27uh 42 pence and a packet of assaulted peas nuts please
01:34cheers thanks a lot hey how's the las vegas kid doing huh terrible
01:42you never win nothing on this machine i tell you he's fixed oh no lady behind bar telling me
01:48it is nearly time for somebody to be winning in the jack in the putt i try again
01:57but this time i'm not looking see i tell you you not win nothing
02:05ah yes but i'm getting three bars look if i'm holding them next time i'll be winning
02:11you have already spent one pound yes but if i'm getting another bar i'll be collecting five pounds
02:16oh dear me i'm not having any more ten p's could you be changing this please sorry ali i spent all my
02:24change maxi i ain't got any ten p's i'll be losing the jack in the putt
02:28ah professor good evening good evening mr brown hey you wanna tell me ritter pardon tell me ritter bitter
02:39you've been talking to sid the caretaker again sure he's teaching me more of his cockeyed slanging
02:45around cockney oh excusey thanks yes point of interest you happen to remember what a cockney is
02:53sure he's someone who was born near the sound of bulls bulls
03:00okay uh you want a drink no thanks i just called for some cigarettes excuse me please mr brown would
03:06you be having changes for a pound to be putting in the machine oh you're wasting your money early
03:10oh no i'm sure to be winning i'm holding three bars well it's your money let's have a look good evening
03:18excuse me hey what are you doing you damn fool i'm having you go on this machine you pit
03:27that is my winning how can they be your winnings i am putting the money for 10p in here is your 10p
03:45that is my money you bearded vended quiet the pair of you look why don't you share the money
03:50that's a good idea there's five of us that's one pound each i meant between ali and ranjeet then
03:58you've both won you are as wise as a holy guru thank you actually it's time you're all back at school
04:04it's your exams tomorrow you should take every opportunity to study i know okey cokey
04:09come on ali you two got it all waiter pardon genotonic and a lager please i'm afraid you're
04:21making a mistake ridiculous i know what i want genotonic for me and a lager for my husband he's
04:27just parking the car now look madam you don't understand i am a school teacher oh that's nothing
04:32to be ashamed of i think it's quite commendable that you should supplement your income by
04:40working in a public house look i'm not what you think i am i'm not interested in your personal
04:46problems i just want a gin and a tonic and a lager yes now the gin and tonic and a lager hello mr brown
04:55hello sid how are you uh i'll have a gold watch pardon a scotch i wasn't offering you a drink
05:03do what oh never mind scotch it said 20 cigarettes for me and a gin and tonic and a lager for that
05:08lady over there she thinks i'm a waiter you sure what she thinks i'm a waiter oh how long you've been
05:15doing it then what it's waiting on luck i don't wait i'm not a waiter do what never mind um one pound
05:23sixty please yeah well actually these two drinks are for that lady and gentleman over there yeah
05:27they've still got to be paid for aren't they yes but all right well i'll pay for them and they can
05:31pay me later now how much is it just for the gin and tonic and the lager uh 72 72 all right cheers good
05:38help ah good help
05:46here we are 72 please didn't i see you take a drink of my lager yeah but it was uh it was only a sip oh yes i
05:52suppose you were tasting it to make sure it was fit to drink no no that is purely accidental i have
05:57a good mind to report you to the brewery well frankly i couldn't care less what you do your
06:02attitude is typical of the working class mentality it's people like you that are ruining the country
06:06you're nothing but a peasant and you sir are a bourgeois snob 72 please i refuse to pay for a drink
06:13that has been contaminated by your lips oh i see well all right don't pay you have it on me here you go
06:26silence this is disgraceful ten minutes past seven and mr brown has not arrived oh but you're mistaken
06:34he's here he's here isn't he anna yeah that's right he's always early yes please tonight he was
06:41here so early that he was here ten minutes before he arrived he's just gone out oh and where has he
06:49gone out too uh a toilet i beg your pardon a tea room would you like to try again what they mean is
07:00first he goes to the tea room then the toilet yeah yeah yeah oh it's got me sorry i'm late oh but you're
07:07not really according to your students you were here all the time ah yes well well where exactly were
07:14you but we told you i am asking mr brown well ah yes um and what is going on i don't know but from
07:31my sign language i think they're trying to say that i was having a cup of tea in the toilet
07:36actually miss courtney i'll tell you the truth i am late and the reason is this i just popped across
07:39to the pub for some cigarettes was uh mistaken for a waiter bought two drinks for two people i've never
07:42even met before was called a peasant and finished up by pouring a glass of lager over a gentleman's
07:46head you're an even bigger liar than your students i would have thought that you would
07:52have made an effort to be earlier this evening after all it is your last chance to teach them
07:56something before they take their exams tomorrow yes miss courtney you're quite right as usual
08:01not that i think any of them have the remotest chance of passing
08:05oh come on see new places please she thinks well stupid well i think she's got a point
08:14yes one uh what you think about this exam you think we pass do i think you'll pass one for the past
08:2313 weeks you've all been coming here to study right 13 weeks of hard work diligence and application 13
08:27weeks of blood toil and sweat slowly little by little you have improved when you sit down to take your
08:32examination tomorrow i have no doubts whether you'll pass or not you haven't a cat in hell's
08:36chance you're not giving us any confidence maybe some of you may manage to scrape through but i
08:44shall be most surprised if you all pass i shall pass to prove superiority of the public of china
08:50yes well we'll see about that in the meantime i want tonight to talk about the exam and afterwards
08:55if you have any questions about any points you're not sure of then just ask and i'll do my best to
08:58answer them excuse please not yet taro i want to talk about the exam first and then you can ask a
09:04question awesome now the first thing is i shall not be taking you excuse please masterji where will
09:13you not be taking us to i mean that i shan't be here tomorrow when you take your exam oh jelly good
09:19we can be reading all the answers from our books there will be somebody here oh dear i am thinking
09:27i'm going to be up a gummy tree in any case you're not supposed to cheat it's uh customary for another
09:34teacher from another school to take an examination of this kind excuse me please later taro please okay
09:42now when you take your examination the lower cambridge certificate isn't too difficult
09:47uh the exam is divided into three parts right first there's an oral examination then a written
09:52one and then comes dictation is that his name is that whose name the man who is going to be taking
10:01us to be doing the examination dictation dictation is when a person reads something out aloud and another
10:09person copies it down ah like the short finger typist yes please excuse me please you can ask your
10:19question in a moment taro right when you've completed your examination the papers are taken away to be
10:26marked and you'll be notified of the results by post so please make sure that you write your names
10:30clearly on your papers a christian name and your surname i cannot do that why not i'm not a christian
10:37i don't want to be gigantic about it ranjeet write your surname and fore name i'm not having four names
10:43also oh the prefix for in this case is spelt f-o-r-e and means first for example four finger
10:53moment a moment a moment a moment a moment four finger one time
11:01no one not four fingers
11:03si si a one a two a three a four this is my four finger no that's only one thing
11:15wonder if i should cancel tomorrow never mind all right excuse please yes you can ask your question
11:23now tara request permission to visit
11:27oh yes of course thank you
11:36right has anybody else got a question yes after tomorrow will we see you again well that depends
11:42on so many things whether i'm engaged for another term or whether any of you decide whatever the
11:46results of your exam to come back for a further course
11:49i will give you my address and you can come and see me anytime
11:56mr brown can you spare a moment please certainly i suggest you all study your verbs until i return
12:05as you know another teacher will be taking the exams tomorrow yes now the gentleman who used to be the
12:10principal of this college will be supervising your class he's in the office now and i thought it might
12:14be a good idea if you met him oh i'd like to do try to make a good impression it does no harm if
12:20he is favorably disposed towards you this is our english teacher mr brown
12:25good evening mr capelli are all ready for your examination sure everything's gonna be okie-gokie
12:55buona sera everybody has anybody got a pen yeah but please remember who it belongs to sure i remember
13:04hey what are you doing i tell you i've just been studying my verbs so i'm gonna write them down on my
13:11hand so i don't forget typical of western dishonesty no i think it's a good idea hey you wanna write verb tenses too
13:18no i'm hockey on verbs but uh no good old pronouns so write the pronouns no need i already write them on
13:25handkerchief smart it is wrong to cheat don't you agree ali not at all i am also cheating you also have
13:38got something written on your handkerchief no it is in my head this is terrible if you're found out you'll
13:46be disqualified old japanese philosopher he say men who deals from bottom you shall end up on top
13:56you as well terror not good uh adverbs so have some written on cheer
14:04oh nice to see you all bright and early i expect you're feeling a bit nervous yes i am not nervous oh
14:15good i am putrefied petrified yeah well do your best well listen i'm not supposed to be here so i
14:25shall be in the pub all right oh but if you all call in when you finish your exam i'll buy you all an
14:30end of term drink well uh good luck tarot thank you you must be nervous that's the first time you
14:38haven't stood up and bowed good luck one muchisima good luck giovanni thanks professori you're not too
14:48nervous to shake hands are you oh see i'm very nervous oh nonsense come on there that didn't hurt did it
14:53not a lot that's funny where did that ink come from maybe your pen has got a leak let me see your
15:04hand giovanni there's nothing there professori the other one it's nothing there either but there's
15:11something there though isn't there oh no my pen's got a leak as well i suppose while it was leaking
15:20it just happened to write a few verbs down sorry professori my verbs is a bit bad yeah well i suggest
15:26you clean all that off i don't seem to have a handkerchief myself max has got a handkerchief
15:35what's that sticking out of your top pocket oh that that's not a proper handkerchief
15:41maybe ali's got proper handkerchief let me see that handkerchief max
15:45i see pronouns are your weak point that's right oh i'll keep this what other little tricks have
15:56you all been up to early you're very quiet you keeping something under your head
16:04oh blimey how are you guessing that
16:06i didn't and while i think of it tarot would you like to stand up please
16:18very ingenious all right one where's your
16:22where's your little crib hidden
16:26for favor never mind por favor i know it's somewhere it's written all over your face no
16:34not right in my face
16:36this is no laughing matter come on one where is it
16:41under the table
16:41my friend
16:48he's not cheap
16:50thousand apologies
16:56danielle
16:58hannah
16:59jamila
17:00sulee
17:01we're not cheap
17:02prefer to pass exam on all mellets
17:04well i'm glad to hear it glad to hear
17:06some last minute coaching brown no i just came to wish them good luck they're going to need more
17:14than luck goodbye mr brown listen i'm sorry about yesterday goodbye mr brown goodbye good luck
17:24now i want absolute silence during this examination understand same again don't you think you've had
17:30enough that's good i've had enough i'm still standing yeah you've been the loot wise well that doesn't
17:36mean anything oh yes it does last time he went in the ladies
17:45oh hello sid
17:46same again thank you
17:48half a bit of please mavis and whatever sid's drinking
17:51said tells me you're not married that's right i'm not
17:54i'm not married as well oh congratulations
17:57i haven't even got a boyfriend really
18:01how about you so i haven't got a boyfriend either
18:06look have a drink with me all right
18:11hey i said there's your pigs here pigs here yeah you're learning ain't you good help how's your
18:17little she's still living
18:21you don't mean that yeah do you know when i was coaching i used to worship the ground she walked on
18:26now worship the ground has come into her it's not a very nice thing to say no it's more sincere
18:35you take my tip son you stay single well i've got no choice at the moment i can't afford to get
18:39married still i've got josephine who's josephine is that your beer crumpet no my siamese cat
18:48well my students will be hard at it by now yeah there is a lot of it about
18:52i was talking about the exam oh i'm gonna miss them next term yeah well cheer up son what do you
19:02you want us and have a drink what a good idea yeah and this time i'll have a pint
19:22penny for them oh i was just wondering how my students were getting on with their exam oh i
19:27expect they'll be all right i hope so i wonder what to do with myself now that term's over in
19:32the evenings yeah it must get a bit lonely for you living on your own oh i don't live on my own
19:36exactly i've got josephine oh yeah she's a marvelous i mean i i wonder i wouldn't know what
19:41to do without her she's very affectionate every morning she wakes me up by nibbling in my ear oh that
19:46must be nice for you i didn't allow her in the bedroom at first no no no no no she wasn't as clean as
19:55she might be she was to sleep in the bathroom oh that sounds a bit uncomfortable oh no she was quite
20:02happy on the floor she must think a lot of you to put up with that oh she does every evening when i
20:07come home she runs up to me and rubs her body against my leg she's siamese oh well that explains
20:18the trouble is like most siamese she's uh she's inclined to be a bit oversexed yeah she sounds
20:25i'm thinking of having adopted
20:29you were such a nice fellow um oh never mind where's it oh he's gone back to the school that is if he can
20:34find his way back
20:39see it oh yes miss chutney you reek of drink are you pardon drink if you insist
20:49i'd like to talk with you a sherry you've had more than enough already oh thank you
20:54oh have you finished yes please how do you do i'm very well how do you do i mean how did you get
21:05on with your exams oh but we hope we haven't let me ship around them i was partner would you care for
21:13a sherry before you go oh i'd be delighted i do sit down oh it takes me back a row here in the old office
21:24oh i expect you miss the hurly-burly of school life yes i sleep night now there we are oh thank you
21:34you know miss courtney i didn't know that you indulged well i don't really just the occasional sherry
21:44ready for another well have you all got a drink yeah well i'd just like to say uh i wish you all
21:51every success uh it's been great uh teaching you and well i shall miss you you have been giving us
21:57much wisdom i am so sad oh you are a wonderful teacher we never forget our english teachers yeah
22:10you are nicest in philia i've met profissori it's been a real pleasure
22:22she say you won't be the same next time yes we owe you big data well cheers cheers good health
22:32ah well i really must be going i'm meeting my wife oh just one moment before you go mr short how do
22:40you think the foreign students got on with their exams terrible how do you think you got on with your
22:45exam fantastic answer to the question what is a sentence the chappy in a turban answered a sentence
22:53is what you get when you're sent to prison the questions are being very easy to answer to the
23:01question what is the past participle of i write the spanish fellow answered i have rotten
23:09i answer everything okay and the chinese lady was writing backwards of course i don't know how they
23:19answered their other questions but if what i saw is anything to go by then i should be very surprised
23:24if any of them pass goodbye miss courtney well i'm very proud of you all i knew you wouldn't let me
23:30down right shall we have another drink who's round is it wait oh what are you doing with my wife
23:49you stupid fool let me buy you both a drink no no no no please please please have this one on me
24:19gutes be in a drink and like this one on me
24:28you stupid fool for me
24:29but i think you would have to have an additional drink
24:34first time and then you're ready to go
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