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Tv, Mind Your Language - S01 - E04 - All Through The Night
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00:00Do-do-do-do-do
00:30Do-do-do-do-do-wa
00:31Do-do-do-do-do-do-wa
00:34Isn't it time we went back to the class?
00:48We're okay yet. We wait for Giovanni.
00:51Come and sit down, Sid.
00:52Charlie, this is Sid the caretaker.
00:56I'm always happy to be making your acquaintance.
00:59Nice to meet you.
01:01You want a cup of coffee, Sid?
01:03Aye, a cup of coffee.
01:05No, thanks.
01:06Now, I shouldn't have a fag.
01:07Sure you can have a fag.
01:09Hey, Max, cigarette for Sid.
01:11Oh, that's very kind of you.
01:20Sid is going to talk to us.
01:22What is he going to be talking about?
01:24Well, everything is to improve our English.
01:27Instead of us all the time speak to each other,
01:29we speak with Sid.
01:31I think that's a good idea.
01:33What are we going to talk about?
01:35You like to talk up.
01:36I'm a bit Martin Jeff.
01:38Excuse me.
01:39Who are these Martin Jeff?
01:43Martin Jeff is deaf.
01:45Ah, excuse me.
01:46What are we going to talk about?
01:49Oh, I don't know.
01:49I shouldn't see him recipe plates of meat.
01:53Excuse me, please.
01:54I am not seeing any plates of meat.
01:56No, no.
01:59Plates of meat is feet.
02:01Your feet are plates of meat?
02:04Yeah.
02:05It's slang, you see.
02:07It's dead easy if you use your Uncle Ned.
02:09No, no, no, Uncle Ned.
02:11Huh?
02:12No, Uncle Ned.
02:13Your Uncle Ned.
02:15Uncle Ned?
02:16Uncle Ned?
02:16Yeah.
02:18Oh, you mean he's crazy.
02:20No, I think you look hard-o.
02:22I think you're taking the mickey out of me.
02:24No.
02:25Well, we are interested in everything you tell us.
02:27Yeah.
02:28You're already teaching us words we not learned before.
02:30Yes, please teach us more.
02:32Yeah?
02:33All right, I'll tell you what happened to me last night.
02:35Yes, please.
02:36Well, I went home and I had a bull and a cow with a trouble and strike, you see.
02:39It was all over the dustbin lids.
02:42So I went down the front and told into the rubber dub and I met an old China plate.
02:46It looked a bit Uncle Dick, so I got him a jack-na-dandy and I had a rear and a lift.
02:51About three legs and the humble, we both got Brahms and List.
02:54And I'd stagged at home, took off me dicky dirt and me daisy roots and fell backwards on the apples and pears.
03:07Well, we are better off talking with each other.
03:11Isn't it time you were all back in the classroom?
03:13Sorry, Prof, sorry.
03:14We've just been talking with Sid.
03:16Oh, yeah.
03:17I've been trying to help them with their English, Mr Brown.
03:19Well, that should set them back a few weeks.
03:21Beg pardon?
03:22Oh, it doesn't matter.
03:23Oh, all right.
03:24We're not understanding a word he's saying, Mr Brown.
03:27He's telling us about his Uncle Dick and somebody called Jack the Dandy and Brahms and List.
03:34He was speaking in rhyming slang.
03:37And all the time we think he's English.
03:40He is English.
03:41He's what is known as a cockney.
03:43You see, rhyming slang is merely using words that rhyme with the word you wish to use.
03:47For example, mince pies are eyes.
03:49Plates of meat are feet.
03:51Yes.
03:52I understand.
03:53Uncle Ned is head.
03:54That's right.
03:54Ah.
03:55And what is Uncle Dick?
04:01I presume that's sick.
04:03And Jock the Dandy?
04:04Brandy.
04:05And the Brahms and Lister?
04:10Drunk.
04:12That's not a rhyme.
04:13Yeah, well, it's near enough.
04:14Come on, it's...
04:15What is going on?
04:19Are you here?
04:19Where is Mr Brown?
04:20Oh, he will be here any minute.
04:22He's coming from the tea room.
04:23Bravo, thank you.
04:29Ten minutes is the normal time allowed for tea, Mr Brown.
04:32Yes, of course.
04:33We were discussing parts of speech.
04:35Well, in future I'd be obliged if you'd do it in the class.
04:37Certainly.
04:38Now then, how are your students coming along with their English?
04:41Extremely well.
04:42Good.
04:42Then I shall stay and listen for a few minutes.
04:44Ah.
04:45Don't worry, I shan't interfere.
04:47I make it a practice to drop in on classes from time to time to see what sort of progress
04:51is being made.
04:53It's beef stroganoff in the cookery class tonight.
04:56Are you trying to get rid of me?
04:57No, I just thought you might fancy a bit.
05:00I mean...
05:00Well, I don't.
05:04So, will you please begin?
05:05Yes, of course.
05:06Right.
05:07For the rest of this period, we're going to talk about shopping.
05:11Oh, I like him.
05:12He's very good.
05:16Shopping.
05:17I like his polonaise.
05:25Giovanni, that's Chopin.
05:27He must have misheard me.
05:28No, we're going to talk about shopping, buying things.
05:31Now, I have here various items, which at some time or another you'll all probably have to
05:35purchase, so I'm going to hold them up and ask you to identify them and we'll see how
05:39well you do.
05:40All right?
05:40Who shall we start with?
05:41Ali?
05:42Yes, please.
05:43What is this?
05:44Apple.
05:44Yeah.
05:47Lovely.
05:48Jelly good.
05:49You're not supposed to eat it.
05:51Oh, I'm most sorry.
05:52I only had a small bite.
05:55You might as well finish it now.
05:57Shuli, what is this?
05:59It is orange.
06:01Oh, orange.
06:04Oh, orange.
06:05That's better.
06:06You really must work at those R sounds.
06:09I try very hard.
06:11Try saying, around the rugged rock, the ragged rascal rung.
06:17Lound the luggerd lock, the ragged rascal rung.
06:25Yes, you're going to have to keep practising.
06:27Anna, what is this?
06:29Paper bag.
06:30Yes, but what's inside it?
06:34I do not know.
06:34I cannot see inside.
06:36Well, it's flour.
06:37You know what flour is.
06:38Yeah, what you wear at a wedding.
06:43No, no, no.
06:44It's not that kind of flour.
06:45This is flour to make pastry and bread.
06:47Ah, vise mail.
06:48Yes.
06:50Jamila?
06:51Yes.
06:52What is this?
06:53Gadget.
06:54Yes, I'm sure you're right, but what is it in English?
06:58In English, I don't know.
06:59Have you never heard of a carrot?
07:03Carrot?
07:04Yes, carrot.
07:07Oh, yes.
07:08Horse and carrot.
07:10Incredible.
07:14Incredible.
07:15No, no, no, no, Jamila.
07:15That's horse and cunt.
07:17This is...
07:18This is a carrot.
07:20Right?
07:21Er, who can tell me what these are?
07:24Fish fingers.
07:25Good.
07:26Well done, Anna.
07:26Excuse, please.
07:27No, Ali, don't say it.
07:29What do I not say?
07:30You were going to say something about fish not having fingers?
07:32Yes, please.
07:33Yeah, well done, though.
07:36Match.
07:38Tomato.
07:38Good.
07:40Tarot.
07:41Potato.
07:43Potato.
07:44Ah, so.
07:49And, er...
07:50Giovanni.
07:52Lime juice.
07:53Good.
07:54Juan?
07:54Cow juice.
07:56No.
08:02Milk.
08:03Ah, si, milk.
08:05Do you know where we get milk from, Juan?
08:08Si, senora.
08:10The milkman.
08:13Quiet, please.
08:14We get milk from cows.
08:17Si, vaca, cow.
08:20Ranjit.
08:22Cornflakes?
08:24No oats.
08:26Oats?
08:27Ah, that is oats.
08:29My friend, who I'm working with, every morning he's telling me, last night he's had his oats.
08:40He's telling me, he's making them very much.
08:44Yeah, I'm sure he does.
08:47Who can tell me what this is?
08:49Backel.
08:50Good.
08:50And where does bacon come from?
08:53At the milkman.
08:56Bacon does not come from the milkman.
08:59Every week, I buy the bacon from the milkman.
09:02Pig.
09:03Pig.
09:03Pig?
09:04You are calling me a pig?
09:07You are a pig, you Italian ravioli.
09:11Ah, shut your plates of meat, you uncle.
09:14All right, that'll do.
09:17Juan, what Giovanni was trying to say is that bacon comes from a pig.
09:21Sola.
09:23Now, can anyone tell me what we call a pig after it has been killed?
09:28Yes, please.
09:28It is dead pig.
09:33Amazing.
09:35No, Ali, you know that's pork.
09:38Right.
09:38What is this, anybody?
09:40Pin of meat.
09:41Yes.
09:42Well, actually, it's a tin of dog meat.
09:44Oh, blimey.
09:46You are putting dogs in tins to eat?
09:49I think I've heard enough.
09:51They are better than they were.
09:52They could hardly be worse.
09:57She's absolutely right, you know.
09:58Some of you are very behind with your English.
10:00I mean, I spend a lot of time preparing these lessons,
10:02and some of you don't take them half as seriously as you might.
10:05It's time you all put your shoulders to the wheel.
10:07What wheel, please?
10:09Learning.
10:09I think you'd better stay a half hour extra tonight.
10:13It's Friday night!
10:15Haven't I got a date?
10:16Well, I don't care.
10:17I want you to do all the exercises on page 53.
10:19All of them.
10:20And you don't go until you've finished.
10:39Good night.
10:46I've locked up the tea room, Sid.
10:49Thanks, Glad.
10:50You fancy a drink, girl?
10:51No, child.
10:52I want to get home.
10:53Oh, I must have a pint.
10:54My throat's spitting feathers.
10:56Oh.
10:58All right.
11:01What was that?
11:02I think it is somebody at the door.
11:04Come in.
11:15Hello?
11:16Is anybody there?
11:19That's it.
11:26Cheerio, Sid.
11:27See you Monday.
11:29Good night, Betty.
11:30Good night.
11:30Oh, it's no good.
11:41I can't get it open.
11:44Oh, it's no good.
11:57I can't get it open.
11:58I know.
11:59Why not we smash the door up?
12:01Down.
12:03It's worth a try.
12:04All right.
12:04Stand back, everyone.
12:05Be careful of splinters.
12:07Be careful of splinters.
12:16I haven't broken the door.
12:19I think I've broken my arm.
12:21We are all going to die.
12:24Don't be so dramatic.
12:25Maybe we all shout again.
12:27I don't think my throat could stand anymore.
12:28Hey, look.
12:29There's a man in the street.
12:32Help!
12:33Help!
12:34Help!
12:35Help!
12:35He won't hear us from up here.
12:37Wave to him.
12:39He's seen us.
12:41Good.
12:42He's waving back.
12:43Because he obviously thinks we're just being friendly.
12:48Ah, he said, go on.
12:49We are all going to die.
12:52Nobody is going to die.
12:54What we need is something to attract the attention of the passerby.
12:58Yeah.
13:00Danielle should wave from window by herself.
13:02Yes, it still may not be sufficient to attract enough attention.
13:05It would if she took her clothes off.
13:08That's a good idea.
13:10No, it isn't.
13:11Look, it's just a sit down.
13:12And everyone, go on.
13:14We'll just have to think this one out.
13:16There must be a simple solution.
13:18Well, if there isn't, we'll just have to stay here till somebody misses one of us.
13:22But what if nobody is missing anybody?
13:25We could be being stuck here together until Monday morning.
13:29Oh, I know.
13:30We are all going to die.
13:33Hallie, nobody is going to die.
13:35Only you is going to die.
13:37Me?
13:38Yes, because if you say we're all going to die once more, I shall strangle you.
13:40Well, there are 11 of us here.
13:42It's quite obvious that sooner or later one of us will be missed.
13:45Will you be being missed, sir?
13:47Well, no, but I live alone in a flat.
13:49But, for example, take Danielle.
13:51I would love to take Danielle.
13:53I am sure that being an au pair, your English family will miss you when you don't return.
13:59No.
13:59They are away for the weekend.
14:02Oh.
14:03Oh, well, Anna, what about your English family?
14:05Are they away?
14:05No.
14:06They'll obviously be worried.
14:07No.
14:08No?
14:08It's my weekend off.
14:09I was spending it mid-Daniel.
14:11Oh.
14:12We are not going to die.
14:14Hallie!
14:14Well, Taro, what about you?
14:18You're married.
14:18I mean, won't your wife miss you?
14:21Wife?
14:22Already missing me.
14:24Well, there you are.
14:25Unfortunately, she is with parents in Tokyo.
14:32Well, what about you, Giovanni?
14:34I mean, you work in a restaurant.
14:36Surely your employer will miss you.
14:37Yeah, sure he's going to miss me.
14:38Yeah, well, so presumably he'll do something about it.
14:41Yeah.
14:43He's going to give me the sack.
14:47Look, somebody is bound to miss Sunday.
14:49And if the worst happens, then we'll...
14:52Oh, don't worry.
14:53We can survive the weekend.
14:54We've got plenty of food and drink.
14:56Just have to keep our spirits up.
14:58Try and keep cheerful.
14:59Think of things to do to pass the time away.
15:01I tell a joke.
15:02Good idea, Giovanni.
15:03We'll all tell jokes.
15:04That'll help pass the time.
15:05Go ahead, Giovanni.
15:06Okay.
15:07Now, there was this man, see, and he had gangrene in the leg.
15:11Oh, sure.
15:12So?
15:13Are you sure this is a joke?
15:15Sure.
15:15It's very funny.
15:20Anyway, he goes to the hospital to have the leg chopped off.
15:25After the operation, when he comes back to being conscious,
15:28he sees the doctor looking very worried.
15:33What's the matter, doctor, he say?
15:34The doctor reply,
15:38Signor, I've had the bad news,
15:40and I've had the good news.
15:44So the man say,
15:45Hockey-cokey,
15:47give me the bad news.
15:50And the doctor say,
15:52I've chopped off the wrong leg.
15:56Santa Maria, the man say.
15:58Well, what's the good news?
16:00And the doctor say,
16:02Your other leg is getting better.
16:10Oh, God.
16:11But that's not a joke.
16:15Very droll.
16:16Ah, another Uncle Ned.
16:18Anybody else got a funny story?
16:23Do you know it take two Sikhs to milk one goat?
16:28Two?
16:29Yes, please.
16:30One to be holding the tits,
16:32and one to be pulling the goat up and down, up and down.
16:35And do you know that in Pakistan they have no ice?
16:44Because the man who is knowing to be making ice has emigrated.
16:50Are you saying all Pakistanis are stupid?
16:53No.
16:54Just you!
16:55You!
16:57Sit down.
16:58No more racialist jokes, please.
17:00Anybody else got a funny story?
17:02Por favor.
17:03A funny story, a joke?
17:05A chiste.
17:06Ah, chiste.
17:07Yo tengo uno.
17:08¿Y es?
17:08SÃ, yo.
17:13Resulta que habÃan tres hermanos.
17:16Y estos tres hermanos estaban invitados a este convite, ¿no?
17:20Y le dijeron que no se rascaron, que tenÃa sanda.
17:24Uno tenÃa sanda.
17:25El oro tenÃa sanda.
17:27Y el otro tenÃa sanda.
17:28Y cuando estaban comiendo,
17:32entró sanda.
17:33Hay que tener sanda aquÃ.
17:35Y empezaron a cantar.
17:37Y le decÃan,
17:38¡Oh, qué desvado!
17:40¡Ay, que tenÃa sanda aquÃ!
17:43¡Ay, que tenÃa sanda aquÃ!
17:45¡Ay, que tenÃa!
17:46¡Ay, que tenÃa!
17:47¡Ay, que tenÃa!
17:49¡Ay, que tenÃa!
17:49¡Ay, que tenÃa!
17:51¡Ay, que tenÃa!
17:52¡Ay, que tenÃa!
17:52¡Ay, que tenÃa!
17:53¡Ay, que tenÃa!
17:54¡Ah, Dios!
17:58¡Ay, que tengo!
17:59¡Ay, que tengo!
18:00¡Ay, que tengo!
18:04¡Ay, que tengo!
18:12Bueno, pues,
18:13I'm sure that was extremely hilarious
18:15if you only knew what it was about.
18:16Taro, what about a Japanese joke? In English, please.
18:25Odo, Japanese Proverbs say,
18:30Men who seduces girl on hillside, not on the level.
18:41That's very clever.
18:43Suli, what about a sample of Chinese humour?
18:48In Democratic Republic of China, we have no time for decadent bourgeois humour.
18:53No, I don't suppose you do.
18:56Danielle, what about you?
18:58Oh, I have a French joke for you.
19:00Good.
19:01Yes, I'll tell you about the Catholic priest.
19:03Yeah, that sounds better, yes. Come on. No, no, no.
19:05Tell us you look.
19:07Come on.
19:12Well, there was this priest out working and a gendarme comes up to him and say,
19:18Father, come quickly. There's a man on top of the Eiffel Tower and he's going to jump.
19:23So, the father goes to the tower and sees this man.
19:27What are you doing? You're mad.
19:29Think of your family. Think of your wife.
19:32So, the man, he says,
19:34My wife has left me. I have no family.
19:37So, I jump.
19:39So, the priest, he tries one more time.
19:42So, he says,
19:43But it is a sin against the Catholic Church.
19:46And the man, he says,
19:48I am not a Catholic.
19:50Okay, says the priest. Jump.
19:59Yes, Anna, what about a German joke?
20:01I do not know any jokes.
20:03No?
20:04Hey, Professor, why don't you tell us a joke, huh?
20:07Yeah!
20:10Oh, all right. I'll tell you one that I heard at my last school.
20:13One of the boys was sent home one day and his father asked him why was he sent home and he refused to tell him.
20:17So, the father went to see the headmaster and the headmaster said,
20:19I'll tell you why your son was sent home.
20:21When one of the teachers asked him who pushed over the walls of Jericho,
20:24he said it wasn't me.
20:26So, the father said,
20:27Well, if he said he didn't do it, he didn't do it.
20:32Excuse, please.
20:33What's the matter, Ali? Didn't you understand the joke?
20:35Yes, but what I don't understand,
20:37who did push down the walls of Jericho?
20:40Oh, well, uh, anybody else got a joke?
20:45No?
20:46Oh, never mind. What about a sing-song?
20:48Yeah.
20:49I am knowing good English sing-song.
20:51All about rolling me over in the clover.
20:56I don't think you got that one, thank you.
20:58Uh, does anybody know Daisy?
21:00Is she beautiful?
21:02No, it's a song, Daisy.
21:04It goes like this.
21:06Daisy, Daisy,
21:08give me your answer, too.
21:11I'm half-crazy,
21:14all for the love of you.
21:16Oh, well,
21:18I know we'll meet again,
21:22some sunny day,
21:26a sunny day.
21:31Thanks, sir.
21:32Oh, well.
21:38Right.
21:39What shall we sing next?
21:41Can't we have a rest?
21:42I don't know that one.
21:43Is it French?
21:44Oh, what do you mean?
21:46Uh, yes, I'm sorry.
21:47Uh, can anybody tell me the exact time?
21:51Three minuten,
21:52three minutes after 11.
21:54Good.
21:55Only another 58 hours till Monday morning.
21:58Good night, John.
21:59Good night, John.
22:00Good night, John.
22:01Good night, John.
22:02Good night, John.
22:03Good night.
22:04Good night.
22:05What?
22:06My wife's an angel.
22:07You're lucky.
22:08Mine's still living.
22:13Hello!
22:15What's up?
22:16I must be as drunk as you are.
22:18There's a teacher waving at me through the window.
22:21I think I must be worse than I thought.
22:23I can see him and I don't even know him.
22:26I hope you haven't dragged me down here on a wild goose chase.
22:35I'm telling you, I definitely saw him.
22:37It's most inconvenient.
22:38It's not my fault if I lost the key in the front door.
22:41Of course it's your fault, you silly little man.
22:45Ah, at last.
22:47Miss Courtney, how nice to see you.
22:49I'm afraid I can't return the compliment.
22:51Come on, come on, out you go.
22:53Good night.
22:54Good night.
22:55Sorry about all that.
22:56Come on, now.
22:57Good night.
22:58Good night.
22:59Quickly.
23:00I'll go and see if there's anybody else about.
23:04I really am very sorry.
23:05I should hope you are.
23:06I hope it hasn't inconvenienced you.
23:08Well, of course it's inconvenienced me.
23:10I was quite happily curled up in bed with Daphne du Maurier.
23:15I am really sorry about this.
23:17Oh, I've...
23:18Now, what's the matter?
23:19I've left my shopping in the closet.
23:20Well, for heaven's sake, hurry up and get it.
23:31For heaven's sake, are you going to take all night?
23:33No, I'm just putting these things away.
23:34Well, do hurry up.
23:35Sid?
23:36Sid!
23:37Sid!
23:38Sid!
23:39Sid!
23:40Sid!
23:41We're locked in!
23:42Oh, we mustn't panic.
23:43We can last out till Monday morning.
23:44Have a carrot.
23:45Let's have a sing-song, shall we?
23:46Shall we start with Daisy?
23:47You know how it goes?
23:48Daisy, Daisy!
23:50You know how it goes?
23:51You know how it goes?
23:52You know how it goes?
23:53Daisy, Daisy!
23:54You know how it goes?
23:55You know how it goes?
23:56You know how it goes?
23:57You know how it goes?
23:58Daisy, Daisy!
23:59You know how it goes?
24:00You know how it goes?
24:01You know how it goes.
24:02You know how it goes.
24:03You know how it goes.
24:04You know how it goes.
24:05You know how it goes.
24:06You know how it goes.
24:07You know how it goes.
24:08You know how it goes.
24:09You know how it goes.
24:10You know how it goes.
24:11You know how it goes.
24:12You know how it goes.
24:13You know how it goes.
24:14You know how it goes.
24:15You know how it goes.
24:16You know how it goes.
24:17You know how it goes.
24:18You know how it goes.
24:19You know how it goes.
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