- 28 minutes ago
Tv, Mind Your Language - S01 - E01 - The First Lesson
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Do-do-do-do-do
00:30Do-do-do-do-do-wa
00:34Paa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa
00:37Pасс-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa
00:39P��고-po-po-po-po-so
00:40Enter.
00:54Squeeze me, please, lady.
00:57Yes, what is it?
00:59i'm coming here for to be learning the english you're early oh no i'm ali
01:05don't beg your pardon my name is ali ali nadim i'm coming here for to be learning the english
01:11ah yes yes you wish to join our new class english as a foreign language yes please
01:16and i'm hoping to be unrolled
01:18hoping to be unrolled like it say in your syllabus you mean hoping to be enrolled that is what i
01:29said hoping to be unrolled yes well i'm afraid you cannot be unrolled enrolled until the english
01:37teacher arrives now she should be here in a few minutes in the meanwhile perhaps you would care
01:42to wait in the classroom go down the corridor turn left at the bottom and wait in room five
01:46five understand no well let's start again go down the corridor down carry door good turn left turn
01:59left right confusing me left or right it's left look you just go down the corridor turn left and wait in
02:12room five room five ah now i'm understanding you room five yes jolly good thank you
02:24oh dear emmy i'm not going where i'm looking no no i wasn't looking where i was going that made the two
02:30of us excuse me sorry enter mrs courtney miss oh sorry i'm your new teacher jeremy brown b.a oxon
02:42you're a man yes well this is most unsatisfactory this won't do at all i assure you my credentials are
02:49impeccable academically perhaps i'm talking about sex oh i also assure you my morals are perfectly
02:56respectable too i'm referring to the fact that you are a man i distinctly requested the local authority
03:02to send me a woman teacher especially in view of what happened with mr warburton mr warburton yes
03:09he was teaching english to foreign students last term i'm afraid he only lasted a month
03:14then he departed dead demented
03:19yes the strain was too much for him typical of the male sex no stamina oh he seemed to be able to cope
03:27at first and then one day he just snapped it was really quite disgusting really what did he do climbed
03:33out of the classroom window onto the roof took off all his clothes and stood there stark naked
03:37singing i've got a lovely bunch of coconut well there's no need to worry on my account i mean i'm
03:45not likely to climb out of the classroom window i know you aren't oh thank you for your confidence
03:49it has nothing to do with confidence we've had the window frames nailed down
03:56how very thoughtful well i really would appreciate the job mrs courtney miss miss
04:00i am qualified and i rather do need a job what with the economic situation and inflation all right
04:04there's no need to whimper you can start immediately thank you on a month's trial thank
04:09you if you last that long i'll do my best now where will i find my students class five down the
04:16corridor and turn left right i'm looking forward to meeting them i'm sure we're all going to get
04:19along extremely well
04:25well i'm pleased to meet you all we are also pleased to be meeting you
04:47i am brown oh no
04:55you are committing a mistake mistake yes please you are not brown we are brown
05:02my name is brown i am your teacher are you professori yes
05:20thank you right uh would you all like to sit down sit down
05:25all right now just uh take a note of all your names nationalities and occupations all right
05:41yes it's the first time i'm coming
05:47is this class to learn english well i have the faintest idea what you're saying but i'm sure
05:52you're not trying to find the needlework club it doesn't matter have a seat for favor
06:01sit down
06:08no not there
06:15right i'll just go around the class and uh take your names yes yes what is your name
06:20maximilian andrea archimedes papandriani
06:26i think i'll just put you down as max
06:29uh take it you're greek he's right from athens
06:33good and what is your job uh i walk with sheeps
06:39you walk with sheeps
06:41for a shepherd you work on a farm
06:43uh no no not far but you just said you work with sheep no no no no sheeps big sheeps
06:49woof woof woof woof woof woof woof
06:54yes sheeps donkers
07:01right
07:03i woke in office
07:04good thank you and your name anna schmidt chairman au pair
07:09Usual German efficiency?
07:12Germans are always efficient.
07:14Not a...
07:15Japanese.
07:20Much more efficient.
07:22Nine Germans are the best.
07:25Japanese make a much better television.
07:28And a...
07:30Camelos.
07:31Please, let us have no racialism.
07:35In this class, all are equal.
07:37Your name.
07:39Giovanni Cupello.
07:41Italian.
07:43Where do you work?
07:45I work in Ristorante dei Popoli.
07:47A waiter?
07:48No, not a waiter.
07:49A cucuda.
07:53Cucuda?
07:54Si, a cucuda ravioli, a cucuda spaghetti, a cucuda lasagna.
07:59A cucuda everything.
08:03A chef.
08:04Okay.
08:04And your name?
08:09And jim.
08:11What is your name?
08:13Kya kaha?
08:14Me, Jeremy Brown.
08:17You...
08:17Patanji, kya kaha yo?
08:20Max.
08:21Anna Schmidt.
08:25Giovanni Cupello.
08:27You.
08:28Oho.
08:29Aap naam puch rahe ho.
08:30Acha, maya ligh deht ki ho.
08:32Acha, maya ligh deht ki ho.
08:36Ligh diho.
08:37Eight minute fiter na karo ji, ligh na pard na atam.
08:39Acha.
08:39Yes, yes.
08:41Write your name down.
08:44Good.
08:45Acha.
08:46Yes, yes.
08:47Write your name down.
08:48Good, good.
08:49It's no good.
09:06I need your name in English.
09:08No Urdu?
09:10No Urdu.
09:12Khae, tu mein yaha khae ke liye hain.
09:14Ingresi aati ho, ti tu mein...
09:15Sikhne aati, ingresi koi.
09:17Aapko kya chahiye?
09:18Ab muje pata ni kaha se laun.
09:19Main pata ni kya chahiye aapko.
09:21Dekho ji, say hi khae hooga.
09:23Ingresi kya pata ni dekho.
09:25Ye to nhi kaing kaagas joo apko chahiye.
09:27Acha, certificate of registration.
09:29Jamila Ranja, housewife.
09:33Good.
09:36And your name?
09:37I am Ali Nadeem from Lahore.
09:42I am working at the moment, not anywhere at all.
09:51You're unemployed?
09:52Yes, please.
09:54Only one day a week I'm working.
09:57What do you do then?
09:58I'm going to the unemployment exchange
10:00for to be collecting my money.
10:04Oh, blimey.
10:04I get more money for not being working
10:08than when I am working.
10:11Yes, but before you discovered
10:12this secret of eternal wealth,
10:14what did you do?
10:15Blimey, I worked.
10:17At the Taj Mahal.
10:19In Delhi?
10:20Oh, no.
10:21No, Patini.
10:22Taj Mahal Tandiri restaurants.
10:24Jalikut, Chapati and Papadams.
10:28A thousand apologies for my lateness.
10:31The omnibus was going backwards.
10:32I'm sure there must be a more logical explanation.
10:37It is the absolute truth.
10:39I was told to be taking a number 27 omnibus
10:43and I complied.
10:44But it went in a backward direction.
10:47No, I think you meant it was going the other way.
10:49That is the gist of what I am saying.
10:51A thousand apologies.
10:53Sorry.
10:54Perhaps you'd like to sit next to Ali, your countryman.
10:56I cannot sit there.
10:57It's impossible.
10:59Why is it impossible?
11:00I'm sick.
11:01Oh, dear.
11:04Well, it's not contagious.
11:05Perhaps you ought to come back when you're better.
11:07I do not comprehend the gist of your conversation.
11:10You said you were sick.
11:12No, no, no, no, no.
11:13I am not referring to my physical state of mind.
11:17My religion is sick.
11:19And he is Muslim.
11:21Islam is the only true faith.
11:24And Muslims follow a false prophet.
11:26How dare you be speaking about God's holy messenger, you damn fool?
11:30Sikhs are unbelievers and infidels.
11:32Sikhs are peace-loving people.
11:35And if you are not careful,
11:36I will have much pleasure
11:38in dispatching you to your holy messenger
11:40with this.
11:42I will not tolerate any religious intolerance.
11:44Now put that knife away.
11:46He called me an infidel.
11:47Well, he didn't mean it.
11:48Did you?
11:48Most definitely.
11:50But draw by the five rivers of Punjab
11:54to slice your throat
11:55from there to there.
11:58Oh, ear to ear.
11:59Ear to there.
12:00Oh, there to ear.
12:02Yes, yes.
12:03There will be no throat slicing in my class.
12:05If you want to do that sort of thing,
12:06you should have joined the sports and pastimes.
12:09Put your knife away
12:10and be a good chap
12:10and go and sit down.
12:12How do you feel about Roman Catholics?
12:13Oh, I treat them like my brothers.
12:16Good.
12:16Well, you can go and sit next to Giovanni.
12:18A bit.
12:19Infidel.
12:19Gentlemen, please.
12:21We're here to learn English.
12:22Not start a holy war.
12:24And what is your name?
12:26Ranjit Singh.
12:28And you're from which country?
12:30Punjab.
12:31And what is your job?
12:33I am a very important member
12:35of the British underground.
12:37Underground what?
12:38Just the underground.
12:42Mind it up!
12:45Oh, that underground.
12:49And your name?
12:51Harold Nagasumi.
12:57My name is Cardiff.
13:00Japanese representative of Bushida Electronics.
13:06Very good.
13:07Very good.
13:08And finally, your name.
13:11Por favor.
13:11Your name.
13:13What is your name?
13:14Por favor.
13:15Nome.
13:16Ah, nombre, sí.
13:19Juan Fervantes para servirle, señor.
13:22No need to ask what nationality you are.
13:24Por favor.
13:26Spanish.
13:27Por favor.
13:28What is your job?
13:31Por favor.
13:33Trabajo.
13:34Ah, trabajo, sí.
13:36Trilaga.
13:38Trilaga?
13:39What, do you lag trees?
13:42Wargintonic.
13:43Two whisky coca.
13:45Trilaga.
13:48Trilaga.
13:48Sí.
13:49Ah, you work in a bar?
13:50Sí, sí, bar, bar.
13:51Well, Mr. Bryan?
13:52Yes, thank you.
13:53Apart from one attempted murder and a possible race riot, I seem to be coping reasonably well.
13:58Well, what I really came to inform you about was the registration fees for the students.
14:02Ah.
14:02Now, it's five pounds per head, and I should be grateful if you would collect the money and bring it to my office in your tea break.
14:07Right, I'll do that.
14:09Well, we have one thing to be grateful for, anyway.
14:12Sex won't be rearing its ugly little head.
14:14Beg your pardon?
14:15Well, in my experience, it isn't race or religion that causes the problems.
14:19It's usually the presence of some foreign beauty.
14:22Jealousies, intrigues, all that sort of thing.
14:25Yes, well, looking at my class, I don't think we'd be too bothered with anything like that.
14:28I've come to learn English.
14:42Have I come to the right place?
14:57Enter.
14:59Mrs. Courtney.
15:00Miss.
15:01Miss.
15:02I've just brought the registration fees for the students.
15:04Ah, good.
15:05Now, how many students have you?
15:06Nine.
15:07So, there should be 45 pounds in there.
15:09Well, that all depends upon the rate of exchange.
15:11I don't know.
15:14Not all of them had five pounds in English money, so I collected 29 pounds 50 in sterling,
15:18and the rest is made up of 2,000 yen, 3,000 lira, 250 pesetas, 75 drachner, 50 francs, and 12 Deutschmarks.
15:25According to this morning's financial papers, that should give us a profit of one pound 42 and a half p.
15:30Then I suggest you take it to the bank in the morning and convert it to English currency.
15:36Right.
15:36I'll do that.
15:37Oh, by the way, how's the femme fatale?
15:40Ah, yes, Danielle.
15:41Well, at the moment she's in the tea room with Italy, Spain, and Greece trying to establish diplomatic relations.
15:45Well, I hope she's not going to cause any bother.
15:48Oh, no, I'm sure she won't.
15:50Look, I'm going to sit here.
15:51No, it's me who's going to be sitting here.
15:54Before you, we'll sit over there.
15:56And before you, we'll sit over there.
15:58You take it on me.
16:00Who, me?
16:01You go back, sit where you were before.
16:02No, I sit here.
16:03You're not sitting here.
16:04Ha!
16:05Who's going to be stopping me?
16:06Me.
16:07Ha!
16:08Ha!
16:09Yourself.
16:10You think you're tough?
16:12Come out aside.
16:13Okay.
16:17Where are you going?
16:18We go outside to have a punch down.
16:20You mean a punch down?
16:22I'm going to, uh, how you say, knock his bloody block off.
16:26We say who's a bloody blocker, he's a knocker, dog.
16:30Oh, just a minute.
16:31What is all this about?
16:32I tell you, Mr. White.
16:33Brown.
16:34Oh, excuse me.
16:36It's about where we sit.
16:37Well, what's wrong with where you were sitting before?
16:40It's my eyes, professori.
16:41I've got to sit nearer the front.
16:45Here.
16:47Oh, I see.
16:48And I suppose it's got nothing to do with the fact that Danielle is sitting here, too.
16:52She is?
16:56I never noticed.
16:59You see, it's my eyes.
17:00I'm a little short as I did.
17:03And also a much bigger line.
17:05It's not true, Mr. Green.
17:06The name is Brown.
17:07You see, I'm a colour blade.
17:10That's not it.
17:14And, Max, I suppose you've got trouble with your eyes as well, have you?
17:16Oh, no, no, no.
17:17My eyes are okay.
17:19It's my ears.
17:21I'm not hearing very well.
17:22That's a likely story.
17:25What you say?
17:25I say, you both go back and sit where you were sitting before.
17:30Now.
17:30Santa Maria.
17:36I hope you don't think I was, uh, how you say, too forward?
17:43No, no.
17:43I'm sure you weren't in any way to blame at all.
17:48Teacher, please.
17:49Mr. Blown?
17:53Yes?
17:55Please forgive my rapeness.
17:57I apologise, but I lost my way.
17:59Not to worry.
18:00What is your name?
18:01Chung Su Li.
18:03Chung Su Li.
18:04And where are you from?
18:05Democratic Republic of China.
18:08And what is your job?
18:10Sacritally.
18:11Chinese diplomat.
18:13Very nice.
18:15Right.
18:16Where shall we put you?
18:16Uh, Taro, how are relations between Japan and China?
18:25Depends on a political viewpoint.
18:30Japan.
18:33Light wingo.
18:35China.
18:37Right to wingo.
18:40I see.
18:41Are you light wingo or left wingo?
18:43Right or left wingo?
18:44I follow teaching of Chairman Mao.
18:46Ah, well, in that case, you'd better sit next to Jamila, the Indian lady.
18:49All right?
18:50Right.
18:51Now, we will start by learning a few basic English verbs.
18:55And firstly, we will take the verb to be.
18:59To be.
19:00To be.
19:00To be.
19:02To be.
19:03I am English.
19:05You are Chinese.
19:08He is Italian.
19:10She is French.
19:12He is barbarian.
19:16You are asking for a kid up your big brown backside.
19:19Now, look.
19:20Pay attention, please.
19:23I am.
19:24I am.
19:25You are.
19:26You are.
19:28He, she, or it is.
19:30He, she, or it is.
19:32He, she, or it is.
19:33He, she, or it is.
19:34He, she, or it is.
19:35We are.
19:36We are.
19:37You are.
19:38I am.
19:39You are.
19:40They are.
19:41They are.
19:42They are.
19:43All right.
19:44I shall now go round the class and ask you each to give me a sentence using the verb to
19:50be.
19:51To be.
19:52To be.
19:53I am, arseo.
19:59I amu, very, happy, To be, learning oYngeresh.
20:08Very good.
20:11Good.
20:11Giovanni, he is, he it ah fool.
20:18Good, but not is it ah, he is a fool.
20:22Yes, he is a fool
20:26She is
20:30She is beautiful
20:34She is wonderful
20:37She is yes. Yes. Thank you much
20:42Juan it is for favor
20:48It is
20:50For favor
20:53It is raining your viendo it is raining
21:09For favor doesn't matter sit down
21:15Sully it is
21:17It is duty of every citizen to overthrow imperial woman so say chairman mouth
21:24Yes, well, that's his opinion good Danielle we are
21:30We are
21:32We are lucky
21:38To have such words
21:44Very true
21:46Ali
21:47You are
21:51You are
21:53You are
21:55You are
21:57You are waiting for me to speak an answer
22:00Well done
22:01Well done
22:03Anna
22:04Unfortunately I am not understanding the question
22:08I want you to give me a sentence using you are
22:13I am
22:14No, not I am, you are
22:16For example you are from Pakistan
22:18I am from Pakistan
22:19I am from Pakistan
22:21Good yes, but now use you are
22:23But I cannot say you are from Pakistan because you are not, are you?
22:25Repeat after me, you are English
22:27No, no I am from Pakistan
22:29What am I?
22:30You are confusing me
22:33No, no, I'm from Pakistan.
22:35What am I?
22:37You are confusing me.
22:39You arse!
22:41You be poof!
22:43Don't you carry me a poof?
22:45I've been freeing you.
22:51Sit down.
22:53Sit down, please.
22:55Right.
22:59There's really not much more we can do
23:01until you all
23:03get the textbooks I was telling you about.
23:05What I would like you to do is some homework,
23:07all right? I want you to write me an essay.
23:09A short story
23:11about your life here in England.
23:13The things you do, the things you like.
23:15And I'll see you all
23:17on Wednesday.
23:23Ah, Mrs. Faulkner. Miss.
23:25Miss.
23:27Well, I've just dismissed the class for the night.
23:29I've heard all there is to for the first session.
23:31You look a trifle under the weather.
23:33Job getting you down already.
23:35No, no, I'm fine. Never felt better.
23:37There's just one thing, though.
23:39Yes?
23:41That window you nailed down, the one Mr. Warburton climbed out of.
23:43What about it?
23:45Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
23:49You, uh, uh, what about it?
23:51You, uh, uh, what about it?
23:53Whoopt why aim to have done?
23:55You, uh, what about you, uh, and I try to play really well.
23:57And I tend to be compensatory.
23:59You, uh, what about you?
24:00Just ask me, guys?
24:02You, Plus, I tend to be like, you.
24:04You're supposed to be like, class,
24:05you, uh, what about you?
24:06You, uh, what about you?
Be the first to comment