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00:00Letting us be ourselves
00:02So don't mind me if I repeat myself
00:04These simple lines be good for your health
00:06If you keep them crime rhymes on the shelf
00:08Live love life like you just don't care
00:10But I believe it's never scared
00:12Rain and noise is the moment they fear
00:16Get up, it's still a beautiful idea
00:18Get up, throw your hands in the air
00:20Get up, and show you
00:22Get up, get up, get up, get up
00:26Get up, get up, get up
00:28Take off your prosthetic leg, replace it with a rocket
00:34And tell everyone it's your mistletoe
00:36It's Friday, we're live, and it's time for the last leg
00:40Tonight on the show, the Ukraine peace deal
00:42Keeps repeating on it
00:44We digest another weird week of politics
00:46And we'll serve up a taster
00:48For stand-up to cancer
00:50Plus we'll be joined by comedians
00:52Amy Gledhill and Guz Khan
00:54On the show that tries its best
00:56To stomach the news
00:58Who am I going to wink at?
01:00Who am I going to wink at?
01:02Who am I going to wink at?
01:04Who am I going to wink at?
01:06What?
01:08G'day, I'm Adam Hills
01:10Welcome to the last leg
01:12The show that heard Netflix has bought Warner Brothers
01:14And now can't wait for Voldemort's edgy stand-up special
01:16With me as always is the pride of Dartmoor
01:18Josh Whittacombe
01:20And the man who was described by an AI app last week
01:22As having a unique limb situation
01:24Alex Brooker
01:26Thank you
01:32We will cover that in a second
01:34As well as today's bizarre World Cup draw
01:36But Josh, it has been a sad time in your house this week
01:40It's been a sad time
01:42We've lost, well not lost, our hamster
01:44I don't need to, our hamsters died
01:46I know
01:48We've all been, you told me that last week
01:50And I thought, oh, I feel really sad for the small ginger squeaky thing
01:54Where is he going?
01:56What's this joke going to be?
01:58I don't know where, you're talking about the hamster surely aren't you?
02:01No, because his hamster died
02:04Amazing
02:06I'll tell you what, Hillsy, on that
02:08I really bonded with the hamster
02:10Because, you know, you think about
02:12No, you think about it
02:13And it's something about his little pink hands
02:15And his, um
02:20His furry little face
02:21And the way he always shits in the same corner of the room
02:27It's all a bit of fun
02:28But anyway, a hamster died
02:30But the problem was, the ground
02:33You go and bury him in the garden
02:35Yeah
02:36But the ground, because it's been
02:38It's winter
02:39I'm aware
02:40Yeah
02:41It's frozen, so we couldn't dig a hole
02:43Yeah
02:44So we had to put him in our freezer
02:47Someone had the weirdest reaction to that I've ever heard
02:50So there's a hamster in your freezer?
02:52We've had a hamster in our freezer
02:53What, like, lying in state?
02:55Lying in state?
02:56Lying on stakes?
02:57Lying on stakes?
03:00Well, we've got, like, David Beckham queuing up to pay his respects
03:05Yeah, so we had a hamster in our freezer, right
03:08Um, he was dead, just to be clear
03:10Because obviously if we'd got it wrong
03:12Imagine if we'd just frozen him
03:13And then in like a thousand years he'd come back to life
03:16And then he'd have gone
03:17I don't understand what's changed because I'm a hamster
03:19Yeah, exactly, yeah
03:20But so we then had to buy a spade off Amazon
03:23You bought a spade?
03:25I bought a spade off Amazon
03:26Well, did your bank call you and say there's been some unusual activity on your bank?
03:32It's an odd thing to buy on Amazon
03:35Why?
03:36I don't know, it's just like, what's your, like, your, you may also like cable ties, gaffer tape
03:41Start falling
03:45How are the kids taking it?
03:47So my son, my daughter was a bit upset
03:49Yeah
03:50But my son, who's four, that's kind of, this is what they say about pets, isn't it?
03:54It teaches them about death
03:56And he started to get sad, I think he realised we were going to die for the first time
04:01So that was quite sad
04:02Well, yeah, because he's going to need a bigger freezer
04:07He'd fit in one of them family chest lights
04:10Well, we are live on your telly right now
04:12You can ask us any questions about the news
04:14Messages on Instagram, the hashtags, is it okay?
04:16WhatsApp, the number is 07956175908
04:20Or you can scan the QR code on your screen
04:22For example, is it okay that last week on the show
04:24We asked an AI app to describe Alex and this is what it said
04:28What do you make of his hands?
04:31Yeah, so I do notice that he's got a prosthetic arm
04:36Or kind of a unique limb situation going on there
04:39A unique limb situation?
04:45A what situation?
04:47A unique limb situation
04:49I'll tell you what
04:51Thank you AI, you are one of the nicest people on earth
04:54Wow
04:55I mean I've never wanted to start a band
04:58But unique limb situation
05:03It's actually a lie
05:04I did want to start a band a few years ago
05:06And I just never managed to get Atomic Mitten off the ground
05:12I love that even AI is worried about being cancelled
05:16So politically correct
05:18So tonight we're very proud to say at the end of the show
05:20We are going to bring you the world exclusive debut
05:23Of Alex's new band
05:25Unique Limb Situation
05:27Or as we like to call them ULS
05:30We've been talking about during the week what the album would be called
05:33I'm really pushing for the notorious PIP
05:37I think the best of album will just be called the incomplete ULS
05:41Never mind the bollocks look at his arms
05:50Of your...
05:51One for the Phil Collins fans
05:53Short jacket required
05:55Lovely
05:56Lovely
05:57I find it funny, I don't get that
06:00Well because of your arms
06:02Yeah no it's a Phil Collins
06:04By the way we asked AI to design a few band posters
06:07Depending on which genre Alex decided to go with
06:09It came up with an emo version
06:13Now that guy looks like he keeps hamsters in his freezer
06:20Yeah that's a band called He Really Needs The Cure
06:24Or Cripnot, I can't decide
06:26And then it came up with the country version
06:28Why do I look like Crocodile Dundee?
06:34That's not a thumb
06:38Alright the big story this week is that there's still no peace in Ukraine
06:41Mainly because Russia wants an extra peace of Ukraine
06:44Now look we haven't talked much about this during the series
06:46So let's cover the basics
06:48A few weeks ago the US hammered out a peace deal between Russia and Ukraine
06:51With the help of Russia but not Ukraine
06:54It basically gave Russia everything they wanted
06:56Including land they've taken during the war
06:59And some land they haven't even captured yet
07:01The only thing not offered to Putin
07:03Was a back rub from Volodymyr Zelensky
07:05The deal was then taken to Ukraine
07:07Who said and pardon my Australian
07:09You fucking what?
07:11Ukraine then suggested a few changes to the deal
07:13Which was taken back to Putin
07:14Who this week said no I want the original deal
07:16And I will take that back rub
07:18Lads?
07:20I just...
07:22He's so snide isn't he?
07:23Vladimir Putin
07:24This is what I've come...
07:25This is...
07:26This is my geopolitical analysis of him
07:27Yeah
07:28I just think...
07:29He's just...
07:30I'm fucking bored of him
07:32It's just always a lot...
07:33Ever since we started he's always moaning
07:35He's always shithousing
07:37He's always threatening
07:38And I just think at this stage of him now
07:40He's basically...
07:41He's just like a Twitter troll with nuclear weapons
07:43Yeah
07:44Pretty much
07:45I love that Alex is bored of him
07:47And that's the most...
07:48But you know what I mean
07:49He's like...
07:50No, no, no, no
07:51The most threatening man on the world
07:52Is he though?
07:53No
07:54Cause he like...
07:55You know he's just sort of geezer
07:56You know if you like...
07:57If you go on a stag do?
07:58Yeah
07:59And it's like everything's planned
08:00But there's one who goes
08:01I don't want to go...
08:02I don't want to go to the brewery
08:03Yeah
08:04And it's like what do you want to do Vlad?
08:05Paintball in again?
08:06Just so you can wear the fucking camouflage
08:08He won't...
08:09He just...
08:10He won't be able to accept a deal
08:11He will never accept...
08:12Have you seen his celebrity edition of Deal or No Deal?
08:14He won't even take the call
08:17I saw him in boots
08:18And he got three items
08:20Carrot stick, sandwich and the drink
08:22And he...
08:23Happy to play for them all separately
08:25The truth is Vladimir Putin has no reason to back down
08:28Because Donald Trump has said that if a deal isn't done
08:30He'll just walk away from it all
08:32Which is an incentive for Putin to not do a deal
08:35Because then the only people sticking up for Ukraine would be Europe
08:37And Putin is not scared of Europe
08:39All right, put it this way
08:41Imagine if you saw Conor McGregor kicking the shit out of Josh on the street
08:44What?
08:45Whilst trying to steal his wallet
08:46Right?
08:47And Josh is there going
08:48Oh, no, you're not having my wallet
08:49Sorry, what's going on?
08:52By the way, Conor McGregor hasn't even got you in a chokehold in that impression
08:56No
08:57He's like, no, don't take my wallet
08:58So you take Conor McGregor aside
09:00You don't need to...
09:01I don't...
09:02I wouldn't keep talking
09:03No
09:04I don't
09:05I lost my hamster
09:06Don't you fucking start?
09:09So you take Conor McGregor aside and you say
09:11All right, what would it take for you to stop kicking the shit out of Josh?
09:13And he says, well, give me his wallet
09:15Oh, you're not doing his accent, I see
09:17Irish, come on mate, have some balls
09:21It's not the Irish, it's just I reckon I can take you
09:24I agree
09:28So then Josh compromises and Josh says, okay, he can have the cash but I need my library card
09:35So you go back to Conor McGregor who says, no, I want the wallet, the library card and now I want his inhaler as well
09:41Now imagine if you then said, well, if you guys can't sort this out, I'm walking away
09:45Conor McGregor is just going to keep kicking the shit out of Josh until he gets what he wants
09:49Meanwhile, Europe are live streaming the whole thing on Tik Tok with the hashtag I stand with Josh
09:54It's a lovely analogy
09:55Thank you
09:56And it's good that you've made it something that everyone understands that might happen
09:59I
10:00Two problems
10:01Number one
10:02While you're talking to Conor McGregor
10:04Yep
10:05I'm running the fuck off
10:07Okay, yeah
10:08But number two, I don't have a wallet because it's 2025 and no one has wallets anymore
10:12I have a wallet
10:13What?
10:14I have a wallet
10:15Do you?
10:16Who has a wallet?
10:17Some
10:18Oh my god
10:19Most people don't have wallets
10:20Most people don't have wallets anymore
10:21It's called a phone mate
10:22It does everything
10:23In the same way I don't carry around a compass
10:25You, what's your wallet? What you got?
10:30I've got a
10:31I've got a
10:32There you go
10:33Is that weird?
10:35No
10:36It's thick for 2025
10:38What's even in there?
10:39Why is it so thick?
10:40What is it made of? Have you killed a crocodile?
10:42Oh no, it's actually made of an upcycled British firehose
10:46Well, so there's like a fireman somewhere going there's a fucking hole in this
10:50What is it?
10:52What is it?
10:53I'd describe it as downcycled because one was saving lives and now one's your wallet
10:57That is
10:58The most Australian thing ever is to have to have a wallet that can withstand fire
11:04I've got Australian credit cards, I've got British credit cards, I've got
11:13Adam, are you in financial trouble?
11:15He spent all his money on the wallet
11:17I've got tickets to when I took my daughter to Disneyland, is that weird?
11:22No, that's nice
11:23I've got a photo of my other daughter
11:25Oh, that's nice
11:26See, I'd have absolutely put big money on you having a photo of Harold Bishop
11:31Do you know where I've got a photo of my daughter?
11:34On my phone like every other phone
11:37So back to Ukraine
11:39How do you stop Vladimir Putin?
11:41Trump can't do it, Zelensky can't do it, Europe can't do it
11:44Someone needs to take him down from the inside
11:47And we think we know just the man
11:50In a world on the brink of war
11:53Only one man can save the planet
11:57Your mission should you choose to accept it
11:59Is to infiltrate the Kremlin
12:01And sabotage Vladimir Putin from the inside
12:05Oh, go on then
12:07I'll do it
12:09When you need the ultimate undercover spy
12:12Alan Carr goes deep
12:14You can trust me
12:17The ultimate traitor
12:19Alan Carr is
12:21Double O-H
12:23Oh
12:25Coming soon to Vladimir Putin
12:27That's right, I'm taking down the biggest dog there is
12:31It won't surprise you to know
12:42Tickets for Alan's new tour are on sale now
12:44Alright, let's welcome tonight's guest
12:46He's in a Christmas show called Stuffed
12:48She's got a stand-up show that's stuffed with jokes
12:50Please welcome Guz Khan and Amy Gledhill
12:52Welcome to you both, did you just curtsy to the...
13:11I did, I don't know what happened there
13:13I loved it, I loved it
13:15I think it's the tree and everything
13:16I just feel very curtsy-y
13:19Look, on what we just talked about Ukraine
13:21How do you think Putin and Zelensky should sort it out? Guz?
13:25I reckon, look, it's a very complicated situation
13:27Yeah
13:28Very sensitive situation
13:29Yeah
13:30I reckon they should just swing it out
13:31So I think we should just set up like a misfit style celebrity boxing match
13:36Putin can absolutely bang up Zelensky or vice versa
13:39Yeah
13:40People might say that's quite a flippant response
13:42But I think perpetual war is worse
13:44Yeah, yeah, yeah
13:46I'd watch it on Netflix or YouTube
13:49I reckon we'll make a load of money
13:50I'll be the agent
13:51I'll be the guy who goes in between
13:53And makes some money as well
13:54But yeah, I'd like to see on 5th
13:56I think it's a good idea
13:57I love you've made this a money-making exercise for you
14:00Yes
14:01And would Zelensky be topless?
14:04I mean, if they pay extra, if you pay extra
14:07I think Putin would be topless whether you paid or not
14:11And on a horse at all times
14:13Yeah
14:14I would solve it
14:15I think at this point the only thing to do is shared custody
14:20Of Ukraine?
14:21I think it's shared custody of the borders
14:23Right
14:24So I think Ukraine can have the border weekdays
14:26Yeah
14:27Russia weekends
14:28Yeah
14:29And then on a bank holiday
14:31They go to their aunts in Slovakia
14:35And they watch a Bond film and eat crisps
14:38Alright, we're going to go back to the news
14:40Because some weird stuff happened today
14:41That a load of you messaged about
14:43It was Donald Trump
14:44While Donald Trump's peace pan for Ukraine hit the skids
14:46Oh yeah
14:47How relaxed am I, by the way?
14:48While Donald Trump's peace pan hit the skids
14:50He was in his element as the draw for next year's World Cup took place
14:53There were performances from Robbie Williams and the village people
14:56Once again prompting the world to ask
14:57What is it with Donald Trump and the village people?
15:00I love that they're going to have the YMCA for all the gay footballers
15:04Well they did sing YMCA
15:07And this is a clip of Trump dancing enthusiastically to it
15:10Looking as always like he's pretending to wank off two giants
15:14You've got to know this
15:18The one thing only
15:20Doesn't open up
15:22It's great isn't it?
15:26That's a sick guy
15:28And then I love one of them
15:30He just went whoop and up
15:32Melania is smiling
15:34But you know in her head she's thinking
15:36What a prick
15:38So earlier in the ceremony
15:40And this is the thing that everyone's talking about today
15:42Was awarded the first ever FIFA Peace Prize
15:45And it was presented to him by Gianni Infantino
15:48There it is
15:49Look at that award
15:50Even Trump's trophy has wandering hands
15:52The inaugural bellendore
15:55Lovely
15:59That is...
16:00That's good humour
16:03In a complete coincidence by the way
16:05In July this year
16:06FIFA opened an office
16:08In Trump Tower
16:09In New York City
16:11Which means Infantino basically gave a trophy to his landlord
16:15And if you're wondering how the award has gone down among the British public
16:17Check out the likes versus dislikes on this illuminating post on the BBC
16:24You have to say who the fuck are those 266 absolute losers
16:29Did you see all the stuff today?
16:31What did you think?
16:32It was incredible to watch
16:33Obviously like the village people coming out at the end
16:35Yeah
16:36It was absolutely batshit because they're dancing
16:38But everyone's turned their backs on them already going out
16:40But it was...
16:41I think the Americans they need to kind of get...
16:43They need to kind of get the terminology right
16:46Right
16:47Yeah
16:48Because Ike Casillas who won the World Cup with Spain
16:49A goalkeeper
16:50Was interviewed by a reporter
16:52And Rio Ferdinand used to play for England is on stage
16:54And he asks...
16:55He asks Ike Casillas
16:56If Rio Ferdinand has ever scored on him
16:59Which sounds like something very different
17:02Yeah I scored on his face
17:03I scored
17:04Earlier in the week Trump seemed to fall asleep in a meeting
17:09In which Marco Rubio was bigging him up
17:11Here's the shocking footage
17:13But the opportunity to do that under these new trade deals
17:17Is unprecedented
17:18Of crypto in the retirement investments
17:21And we're seeing more and more of that
17:23Where we also rescinded the supplemental statement
17:26That discouraged the fiduciaries
17:28All these things Mr. President
17:29I think you deserve tremendous credit
17:30For the transformational aspect of our foreign policy
17:33For the first time in probably four decades
17:36I mean, can you blame me? What's going on?
17:41No, you can't blame me
17:42Look, there's a lot that you can get on his case for
17:44Yeah
17:45Like his politics
17:47Apparently he's got a very tiny willies
17:49The size of a jelly top
17:50That's what I read online
17:51Yeah
17:52There's a lot
17:53But falling asleep
17:54At 160 years old
17:58Is there anybody in the audience today
18:00Who's like over the age of 80? Anybody?
18:02They're asleep
18:03They're asleep
18:04Leave him alone, man
18:07I'm comfortable sleeping, man
18:08I think it's the most normal thing he's ever done
18:10Yeah?
18:11That he's had a nap
18:12What's not normal?
18:13The reason he was tired
18:15Did you see that he did 150 posts the night before?
18:18Yes
18:19So he's using social media like a teenage girl
18:22Which is, I think, why Epstein's so fond of him
18:25You're exactly right
18:35Have you ever had anyone fall asleep in front of you?
18:37Like when you're on stage maybe?
18:38Yeah, I have
18:39Have you?
18:40That's so rude
18:41Somebody do that?
18:42Yeah, and I think it was worse for me
18:44Because it was my first ever Edinburgh show
18:46Yeah
18:47And the guy that fell asleep
18:48Was the only guy in the audience
18:50He was the only audience member
18:52What?
18:53Erm, it was called Norman
18:55It was raining, he came in
18:56To have a little read
18:57And he fell asleep
18:58I still did the whole show
18:59And I respect him
19:01Shout out to Norman
19:02You've got big up Norman, man
19:03Big up Norman
19:04He's asleep
19:05Now this time last year we gave out our inaugural Hands Awards
19:11To people we deemed to be our heroes of the year
19:13I don't know if you remember
19:14We used to give out the dick of the year
19:15But to be honest
19:16We started to feel like there were too many dicks in the world
19:18To narrow it down to just one
19:19And this year has kind of become a dick apocalypse
19:22So tonight we're kicking off the search for this year's Hands Award winners
19:25Named in honour of our Paralympic mascot
19:27This guy
19:28Now that's a handsy trophy
19:30We want you to nominate worthy winners for the 2025 Hands Awards
19:34It could be someone internationally famous
19:36Someone locally known
19:37Maybe even just your personal hero
19:39I'm going to go around the houses
19:41Yep
19:42Who are you nominating?
19:43I want to nominate five people
19:44Yep
19:45Five
19:47For me the best musical reunion of the year
19:50Wow
19:51Okay, Josh
19:52So mine's musical as well
19:53Yeah
19:54But this week I did my Spotify wrap
19:56Where it gives you your stats of the year
19:58Yeah
19:59And I found out that I am in the 0.7%
20:03Highest on earth fans of Sabrina Carpenter
20:08Wow
20:09Yes
20:10And I'd love to say that it's my daughter
20:12But she has her own Spotify
20:13But I went to see her earlier in the year with my daughter
20:16We had the best time
20:17And then she slagged off Donald Trump this week
20:19She's a legend
20:20Her music's brilliant
20:21Plus I love the idea that our production team
20:24Have now got a week to try and give one of those
20:27To the most famous person on earth
20:29Also, we have to dress them up in the outfit of the person
20:33And it's going to be a very racy hands-off
20:37Guz?
20:39There's a lot of people
20:40Yep
20:41But I reckon Zora Mamdani
20:43I feel bad for politicians who I know are about to get caned
20:46Racially
20:47Because of the religious beliefs that they follow
20:49And we communicated online as well
20:51Did you?
20:52Yeah, yeah, yeah
20:53The mayor of New York communicated with you online
20:54That's correct
20:55He's a big fan of man like Mo Bean
20:56He says he likes my comedy
20:57No way
20:58Since he's become the mayor
21:00So I don't know how I feel about him anymore
21:01We'll see how the next six months brings us
21:03Yeah
21:04Him for sure
21:05He's got too big for you
21:06Yeah
21:07Already
21:08He only just won as well, wanker
21:13Amy?
21:14So it was going to be
21:16A woman who was at the edge of scientific discovery
21:19And space
21:20Katy Perry
21:21But
21:24I had a hospital appointment today
21:26Just routine if my parents are watching
21:28And
21:29I said I'd give the doctor a shout out
21:31Because he was so great
21:32And
21:33Crucially
21:34Very hot
21:35If you're listening
21:37I'm shooting my shots
21:38What was his name?
21:40He's so hot
21:41Wow
21:42What was his name?
21:43Can I am allowed to say?
21:44Yeah, see
21:45Oh, you might not be
21:46Say the hospital and then
21:47He knows who it is
21:48He said he's going to be watching
21:49Hello
21:50I think doctor-patient confidentiality works the other way
21:54It's the other way
21:56I don't think your doctor is
21:58I don't think your doctor is
22:00I'm going to nominate Celia Imry
22:02Oh
22:03For this excruciating demonstration of how to own your own embarrassment on the traders
22:08Welcome to the worst team building away day experience in history
22:14What just happened?
22:20I just farted, Claudia
22:21I just farted, Claudia
22:25100%
22:27100%
22:28All right
22:31Nominate whoever you think deserves to win a hands award on WhatsApp or Instagram
22:35Use the hashtag show of hands and make sure you spell it hands H-A-N-S
22:39We'll hand out as many as we can next week in our second ever show of hands
22:44I can be your hands baby
23:00I can hands away the pain
23:06I will hands by you forever
23:13You can take my hands away
23:19We'll have more last week for you after the break as your party launches your party
23:24And we launch Stand Up To Cancer
23:25We'll see you in a little bit
23:27I can be your hands baby
23:34I can hands away the pain
23:38Oh yeah
23:39I will hands by you forever
23:45You can take my hands away
23:52Welcome back to The Last Leg
24:10We're joined by Amy Gledhill and Guz Khan
24:13Now, in UK politics this week
24:15The party formed by Jeremy Corbyn and Zahra Sultana
24:17As a fresh alternative to Labour, chose a name
24:20They had been unofficially known as your party
24:23But a vote this week
24:24They officially decided to be called
24:26Your party
24:28It led to this absurd headline
24:30Your party members vote for your party to be called your party
24:33Oh no
24:35It's incredible isn't it
24:37It's like the opening episode of Apprentice
24:39Sounds like the political equivalent of a your mum joke
24:42Guz, you were a big Corbyn fan
24:44So what do you make of all this?
24:46Yeah, I love Uncle JC
24:47You know the thing is
24:48And I really like Zahra as well
24:50She's great
24:51She's up in Coventry with us
24:52But it's like
24:53When they first announced it
24:54I was like
24:55Yeah, this is gonna be like The Hangover bro
24:56Great movie
24:57Fun
24:58Unforgettable
24:59But now it feels like
25:01It's The Hangover 2
25:02And the party's gonna get like 35% on Rotten Tomatoes
25:05Do you know what I mean?
25:06Yeah
25:07What happened in The Hangover 2?
25:08Nobody really knows
25:09No one knows
25:10I mean, it's a bit tricky
25:11They spent the whole time deciding whether to call it The Hangover 2
25:13Didn't they?
25:14Your Hangover
25:15Your Hangover
25:16Your Hangover
25:17I was really excited too
25:20But it sort of feels like now
25:22You know when there's one roast potato left?
25:26Yeah
25:27At the Christmas dinner
25:28And everybody wants it
25:30But no one's happy about it
25:32Right
25:33Do you know what I mean?
25:34Like everyone wants
25:35This could be so good
25:36Yeah
25:37But it seems quite sad
25:39It is quite sad
25:40It's a potato party
25:41Yeah
25:42The conference took a vote
25:43On whether there should be a single leader
25:44Or a collective leadership group
25:46And the group vote won the day
25:4852% to 48
25:50Oh, Jeremy Corbyn going
25:52Not again
25:54Which means your party will now be run
25:56By a 16 member central executive committee
25:59Because you know what they say
26:00Not enough cooks spoil the broth
26:02No one wants the country run by 16 people
26:05I don't want to be in a WhatsApp group with 16 people
26:07The thing is though
26:08I actually think it's quite clever
26:09Yeah
26:10Because I think
26:11They're going to join together like Power Rangers
26:13And make mega Corbyn
26:20In other political news
26:21Reform leader Nigel Farage
26:22Spent the last few weeks denying claims
26:24He made racist comments when he was at school
26:26Actually I'm not sure denying is really the right word
26:29He did whatever it is he's doing in this incrimination
26:31Clip
26:32The question is did you ever
26:35Racially abuse fellow pupils in school
26:37No
26:38You've caveated it with a hurtful way
26:39Not with intent
26:40What do you mean not with intent
26:41I don't understand what you mean by not with intent
26:42What does that mean?
26:43You wouldn't do
26:44But what does that mean?
26:45No
26:46No what?
26:47No
26:48I have never directly really tried to go and hurt anybody
26:52I think he was very clear
26:57Yeah
26:58Garage is now refusing to talk to the BBC
27:02Until they apologise for their comedy in the 70s
27:05And he had this rattled retort to a journalist from ITV
27:09I've spoken to another people from
27:14Good for you
27:15Let's move on to the times shall we
27:17He says he can remember you
27:19Very good
27:20Making hissing noises
27:22Very good
27:23Harry you are wasting your time
27:25Bernard Manning
27:26Bernard Manning
27:27Bernard Manning
27:28Bernard Manning
27:29Do you want to hear some of the Bernard Manning jokes on ITV?
27:32Why is he talking about that bloke who does the turkey?
27:38The thing is when he said his name three times
27:40Bernard Manning appeared at the back of the audience
27:45I don't know Gus what do you make of the far right?
27:47Oh my god
27:48You know there's reform and then there's further
27:50Like what do you make of all that area of politics?
27:52No yeah I'm a big fan I think they're quite misunderstood
27:56Oh you've had a run in though with
27:58I do like to go back and forth
27:59Yeah just because I feel like unfortunately
28:00A lot of it seems to be centered around the working class
28:03I started off as a working class live from the West Midlands
28:05I never want to lose touch with the people that I grew up around
28:08Or my neighbours
28:09So I like to go to the big wigs in the movement
28:11Yeah
28:12Tommy Robinson, Steven Yaxley-Lennon
28:13We go back a lot
28:15We had a recent interaction
28:16Where I asked him a question
28:18And he said
28:19It doesn't matter what you think
28:20Because your mum and dad are cousins
28:21And I said
28:22Hey on was this on social media?
28:23Yeah social media
28:24If it was in KFC would have banged him
28:25But like
28:26So
28:28This is
28:29This is
28:30This is
28:31This is
28:32This is
28:33Definitely one lie
28:34And I had to remind him that
28:35Not all Asian people's parents are cousins of mine aren't
28:38They're from different countries
28:39And I said
28:40But it's kind of ironic that you're worried about
28:42The genetics of parents
28:44And the kind of children they produce
28:46When his mum and dad
28:47Produced a son no bigger than a Lego minifigure
28:49Do you know what I mean?
28:50Yeah
28:51Polly pocket from Luton's taking a piss
28:52Bro
28:53Worry about yourself
28:54Don't worry about me
28:55And did he get
28:56Did he respond?
28:57He did
28:58He actually find it quite funny
28:59Your social media is mad
29:01Yeah
29:02Yeah
29:03It's more than true on it
29:04More than Trump
29:05Are you now mates with Tommy Robinson?
29:07Don't be saying all that shit
29:08I didn't say that
29:09I didn't say that
29:10I didn't say that
29:11But it's interesting
29:12Like all of that super right wing hatred
29:15Wherever you find it
29:16It's grifty
29:17Yeah
29:18People don't really believe in the things that they say
29:20It's all to galvanise an emotion and a feeling
29:23But really when it comes down to it in the inbox
29:25It's all quite polite
29:26Very underwhelming
29:27Now we need to move on
29:28Because Stand Up To Cancer is back this year
29:29With a week long campaign that kicked off today
29:31There's a brand new Stand Up To Cancer screening checker
29:34Where you can find out if you're eligible for a cervical, breast or bowel screening
29:38Or as they're calling it
29:39Your bits, tits and shits
29:40You can find the details at screeningchecker.co.uk
29:44Meanwhile the city of Leicester is preparing for the Stand Up To Cancer Tribute Mile
29:48So it's going to be a lantern display
29:50Made by people from all around the UK
29:52With each lantern dedicated to a loved one lost to cancer
29:55You can create your own dedication at Tributemile.co.uk
29:59I'm going to be launching the Tribute Mile with Mel Schilling at High Cross Leicester
30:02On Tuesday from midday
30:03Then Friday next week 7.30
30:05I'm going to be co-hosting the Stand Up To Cancer broadcast
30:07Alongside Davina McCall
30:09Claire Balding
30:10Vicki Patterson
30:11Hannah Frye
30:12Babatunde Aleshe
30:13And a whole bunch of special guests
30:14Hopefully I'll make it back here for the last leg
30:16But there is a chance Josh and Alex might have to host the show on their own
30:19Oh no!
30:21That would be a real shame
30:24Keeping everything cross for you
30:26Greg Davies and Alex Horne will also be involved
30:33And they've been trying to come up with ways to bring attention to Stand Up To Cancer
30:37We are very excited now to show you a sneak peek at how they've been getting on
30:41Three words, six foot vulva
30:48What's going on?
30:52The campaign needs a mascot
30:54Children in need has Pudsey
30:56Red Nose Day has Lenny Henry
30:58This vulva is a combination of both
31:00It's cute and funny
31:02Plus it reminds people to get their bits checked for cancer
31:06That's because this time Stand Up To Cancer is trying to raise awareness of cancer screening
31:11Claire, this is not some perverted episode of The Masked Singer
31:15I can't have someone dressed as a six foot fanny
31:17You can go away, come up with some better ideas
31:20Pussy
31:21I heard that balding!
31:23OK, today, Greg, we're hoping to find that special source
31:28That makes a good Stand Up To Cancer campaign great
31:32OK, and these comprise of the appeal films
31:34The sloppy bits to make people cry and hand over their money
31:37OK, and also the celebrity challenge
31:39Some celebs have flown first class so they can do a trek and rebrand themselves
31:43I suppose so, yes, and also a song
31:46Manipulative cry bait
31:48OK, fine, who's doing that?
31:50Oh, God
31:53So Nish has composed a song to try to get more members of the South Asian community
31:58To consider bowel screening
32:00Yep
32:01Right then
32:02Don't be shy
32:03Don't be chumps
32:04Not enough Asians are sharing their dumps
32:06Collect your turd and send your poo
32:08The scientists want your number two
32:11Everybody poop
32:12Scoop a seal and send
32:13Just me
32:14Do it
32:15You belly
32:18Get out
32:19Tell him
32:20Get out
32:21Shout it
32:22Get out
32:23Get out
32:24Can do
32:27Greg
32:28Yes?
32:29I've got an idea for a challenge
32:30For who?
32:31For me
32:32You're not a celebrity
32:34You look like a child drew a face on a Victorian clothes peg
32:37No one wants to see you do anything
32:45Hi, Greg, it's Claudia
32:47Ah, Winkleman
32:48Sorry to bother you but Claire Balding's been on the phone
32:51Yep
32:52She's really upset about her vulva
32:54Mmm
32:55Hello?
32:57Greg, how's it going?
32:58Honestly?
32:59Yeah
33:00So far I've had Balding's vulva
33:01And I've had Nishka Ma's shit song
33:03It's proving harder than I thought
33:04Do you know what?
33:05Never failed me
33:07Fall back on public humiliation
33:08What?
33:09I've got naked
33:10I've had my bum waxed
33:11And I bungee jumped
33:12I'm thinking
33:13You produce a stool sample live on television
33:16And show people the correct way to collect it
33:19Are you shy?
33:20I thought you were a big brave boy
33:22I am a big brave boy
33:23He is a big brave boy
33:25Awesome
33:26I'll tell him you're in
33:29He said yes
33:31I am not doing plip-plops on national television
33:34We need more ideas
33:36And we need them now
33:37I can't take any more
33:38Shit
33:42Are you mad?
33:43Claire?
33:44I said no to your vulva
33:45I'm not going to sign off on a giant turd am I?
33:48Oh my god, I thought you were supposed to be clever
33:50I thought you were like a sporty Stephen Fry
33:52Greg, this mascot will get people talking about screening their shit
33:56Their shit?
33:57Their shit?
33:58They're shit
33:59No, Claire
34:00Your ideas
34:01They're shit
34:02We need funny, clever, edgy ideas
34:04Go back to the drawing board
34:07Wanker
34:08I heard you again, Balzing!
34:12Well, well, well
34:13My old diving partner
34:14Hi Gregles
34:15It's Greg
34:16Or Sir
34:17What have you got for me?
34:18I am knitting something quite special for you
34:21It's not a vulva, is it?
34:23How did you know?
34:24Was it that obvious?
34:27Hi Greg
34:28Dermot Murna
34:30Another candidate for the song, are you?
34:32It's a spoken word composition
34:34Is it indeed?
34:37Good evening
34:38Our top story tonight
34:42Cancer
34:43Yeah, it's good Dermot
34:44I just
34:45It's bad
34:46For everyone
34:48Could I, um
34:52Get out, Dermot
34:55Honestly
34:56What a vibe kill
34:57Have we not got anyone fun?
34:58You need to be more intimidating
35:00Right
35:01Intimidated to cancer
35:03And we do that how?
35:06Listen up, you slimy piece of shit
35:08You think you can crawl in wrecked lives
35:10And just get away with it
35:11Well, not on my fucking watch, dickhead
35:13You've picked the wrong enemy
35:14I'm gonna crawl inside you
35:16And destroy you cell by cell
35:18You hear me, you cancerous bastard
35:24Well
35:27He was a little aggressive
35:28He was lovely
35:29Hmm
35:30I do think my challenge idea
35:32Is good
35:33Alex, the people upstairs have already said no
35:36But the people upstairs are an accountancy firm
35:38Yes, they are
35:39And they think you are a
35:40Tit
35:44Balting?
35:45How the fuck did you get an OBE?
35:46It's a CBE actually
35:47But Greg
35:48Once again
35:49This mascot is designed to get people talking about breast screening
35:52Claire
35:53I can't have a mega boob in the studio
35:56People are perverts
35:57They won't be able to stop themselves
35:58Hey, dirty boy
35:59See?
36:00Do you have any better ideas?
36:02Well
36:05Well, considering that you don't have anything else at all
36:08Could I please have my shit, my tit and my vulva?
36:12Fine
36:13You are a twat
36:15Balting is mean
36:18I know
36:20I was just thinking Greg, considering the situation
36:23What about my challenge?
36:24Oh God
36:25Will it be humiliating for you?
36:27Oh yeah
36:28Okay, fine
36:29Get on with it
36:30It's balting's problem
36:32Yes
36:41You can see the rest of their story next week
36:43From 7.30 on Channel 4
36:45And Alex Horne is going to give us a hint as to what his challenge might be after the break
36:48We also want your votes for this year's Hands Awards
36:51Message us on WhatsApp or Instagram
36:53The hashtag is showofhands
36:55We'll see you in a little bit
36:56Welcome back to Last Legs
37:11We're joined by Amy Gledhill and Guz Khan
37:14Now before the break we showed you some footage of Greg Davies and Alex Horne
37:17Trying to come up with some ideas for the Stand Up To Cancer campaign
37:20All week Alex Horne is going to be releasing teasers for what his on-air challenge will be
37:24Here's the first one that he made just for us
37:26Hello everyone
37:30Hello Adam
37:31Hello Alex
37:32Hi Josh
37:33Normally I set the challenges
37:35Tasks even
37:36But now it's my turn
37:37On Thursday night at 10pm
37:39Channel 4
37:4011th of December
37:41I
37:42Am going to do a task
37:43It will not be easy
37:45It will be
37:46Hard
37:47But I'm ready
37:48I'm little Alex Horne
37:49I have no idea what that means
37:55No idea what that means
37:57She's in on Thursday night to find out what his challenge is going to be
37:59Let's do a bit of entertainment news now
38:01Meghan Markle has released a Christmas special of her Netflix show
38:05Here is a riveting scene of her carefully explaining what an advent calendar is
38:09As if she's just discovered them for the first time
38:11I love the idea of an advent calendar
38:14So I wanted to do it for my own kids
38:16You could get small ones that just have a small chocolate each day
38:19You can get them pre-made
38:21And all it's really about is having a surprise and delight every single day
38:25For 24 days until you get to Christmas
38:28But they're not supposed to be big things
38:29They're supposed to be small gestures
38:31Carols and bells
38:33Incredible smells
38:35I'm writing I love you because you are so kind
38:37And I love you because you're so brave
38:40Yeah
38:41There's another note that says stay away from Uncle Andrew
38:44How is she too edgy for the royal family?
38:59How are the royal family going?
39:01What are they thinking?
39:02I mean hanging out with a pedophile is one thing
39:04But wrapping cinnamon sticks in a bow is just too damn disruptive
39:09I was wondering why Prince Harry's just done, you know, Colbert in America
39:13He's been doing a late night TV show
39:15Yeah, and I was like why is he doing that?
39:16And now I've seen that, it's to get out of the house
39:19These are big
39:21But like if I was a kid and I got like a note in my advent calendar that says I love you
39:26Without a chocolate, I would think they don't love me
39:29Yes!
39:30You can't write your kind, I tell you he's not fucking kind
39:33The person who didn't give me a chocolate
39:35Wouldn't you run out of things to say as well?
39:38Like after a while you'd just be like happy Wednesday
39:40I'm a big fan of both of them, I won't hear a word again
39:46I genuinely love Harry and Meghan
39:48Do you?
39:49They left the shit fight that is the royal family
39:51And we think they're the weirdos
39:53No, no, we think they're all weird
39:56Both sides
39:57It's possible for both of them to be wankers
40:03Oh, look at Britain
40:07Look at Britain
40:08That is how revolution begins
40:12All right, it's time to bring on this week's mystery guest
40:14Amy and Guz have to work out why they're in the news this week
40:17Can we have the mystery guest please
40:31Okay, this is Lauren and Jo
40:34But why were they in the news this week?
40:36this week can we have the dramatic lighting change please so Lauren surprised
40:43Joe by walking down the aisle dressed as a t-rex Lauren surprised Joe by jumping
40:48out of his birthday cake giving him a heart attack or Lauren surprised mourners
40:54by turning up at a funeral dressed as a deceased Joe's grand what are you what
41:02your initial thought I don't think it could be the heart attack because you
41:06look so good and healthy right now so if he had a heart attack I wouldn't have
41:18shouted at him like that so t-rex down the aisle or dressing as his dead
41:27grand at the funeral we might as well just ask him did she dress as your dead
41:30grand okay I tell you what we'll reveal the mystery guests after the break okay
41:36no more questions to them Alex will end the show by singing with his new band
41:40unique limb situation don't go away don't miss that we'll see you in a
41:45little bit
42:00welcome back to last leg we're joined by Amy Gledhill and Guz Khan now before the break we challenged our
42:06guests to work out how this person's wife was connected to the news can we have the
42:10options again please yes did she walk down the aisle dressed as a t-rex on our wedding day did
42:19she jump out of his birthday cake giving him a heart attack or did she come to his
42:23grand funeral dressed as his grand what do you think I defer to the intelligent and
42:30legendary one here in this combination okay you coward yes Amy t-rex t-rex t-rex down the
42:37aisle well mystery guest is going to reveal the answer by dressing in the
42:41appropriate way come on down the aisle dressed as a t-rex why
43:07I thought it'd be funny
43:11and what were you thinking when when when she was honestly I had no idea but when
43:16there was like a delay it was actually her inflating the suit behind the door
43:20so I was just stood at the end for quite some time so were you standing there
43:24wondering where she is and you could just see you yes and did you dress like that
43:29for your whole wedding day no no it was just for the aisle oh yeah it'd be
43:33mental otherwise okay if you were in a band you I mean you might have just joined
43:43unique limb situation would you thank Lauren and Joe
43:47they're staying they're staying stay for the audience they're staying
43:52uh Josh has been standing up for the last seven days what have you got well I've got a clip that
43:58actually is from this week and I wanted Lauren to see this but you might have some explaining to do
44:04yeah would you like to see someone getting away with fly tipping by wearing an
44:09extravagant outfit in this unbelievable footage yes please this is really you
44:16can see the date is this is what Tuesday this week and they are doing it dressed as a
44:24dinosaur Lauren explain yourself was it you no comment thank you very much Lauren and Joe
44:45all right we ask you to nominate people for this year's hands awards um there have been a whole
44:57bunch of celebrities uh like Lindsay Burrow uh Zach Polanski David Tennant but people like Jill
45:02Robinson from the play it forward charity uh brass group who raised 40,000 pounds for charity um
45:08Jolion Maugham from the good law project standing up for uh for trans people Tamsin said my dad
45:14David who works with bakeries in Ukraine one in Kiev run by and for people with disabilities
45:21uh and someone said the drunk raccoon that broke into a supermarket drank alcohol and passed out
45:26could be any of those tune in next week um Alex is getting ready to end the show with his new band
45:31unique limb situation but before he does would you please thank our guests Amy Glendhill
45:35and Gus Khan and my co-host Josh Whittacom and Alex Brooker Josh and Alex will be back next week with
45:47comedians John Richardson and Matt Ford as well as presenter AJ Adudu but right now after AI identified
45:53Alex as having a unique limb situation he's about to show off his newly formed band called
45:58unique limb situation thanks for watching the last league my name's Adam Hills I'll see you at 7 30
46:03next Friday for stand up to cancer and hopefully later that night for the next leg take it away Alex
46:08if you see me walking down the street staring at the sky dragging my fake feet a cab just drove straight on
46:30did not know that's a farm big hands won't make me whole again
46:36looking back on where my foot left I cannot escape but the parking's the best
46:47Mitten's you're the one you still slip right on big hands won't make me whole again
46:56because my limbs are great and I won't change my mind new hands would be too late
47:05because I'm happy to go on with these little buggers there's nothing wrong big hands won't make me whole again
47:13looking back on where my foot left I cannot escape but the parking's the best
47:25looking back on where my foot left I can't escape but the concrete and I won't change my mind new hands
47:30because I'll make me whole again
47:35Oh, Mitten's you're the one you still slip right on big hands won't make me whole again
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