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00:00Oh
00:30Look at the forecast, close the windows and check your cabinet for leaks.
00:41It's Friday, we're live, and it's time for The Last Leg.
00:46Tonight on the show, we break down a big week for Donald Trump.
00:50Keir Starmer scrambles to stay in charge.
00:53And we ask whether it's eggy to start Christmas early.
00:57Plus, we'll be joined by comedians Rosie Jones and Mike Wozniak
00:59and author and presenter Richard Osmond
01:01on the show that never cracks under pressure.
01:16G'day!
01:17Hello!
01:20Yeah, the Aussies!
01:23G'day, I'm Adam Hills.
01:25Welcome to The Last Leg, the show that heard Britain is about to be hit by Storm Claudia
01:28and assumes it'll be small, blustery and with powerful bangs.
01:31With me, as always, are the pride of Dartmoor, Josh Whittacombe,
01:33and the man who thought misrepresentation was a disability beauty pageant, Alex Brooker!
01:37Now, we will get to the big news in a sec, but it appears a few of our viewers last week
01:48were a little bit confused by what Alex was wearing.
01:51Some people accused him of wearing war medals disrespectfully.
01:55All right, have a look at him here, look at the close-up.
01:58It's a pattern on the top, right?
02:00Major inspiration, reporting for duty.
02:02You look like a major inspiration, you look like Zelensky.
02:07LAUGHTER
02:08You look like you're about to be thrown out of the White House for disrespect.
02:13Yeah, it's just a pattern.
02:16It's a pattern on a jumper.
02:18I know, like, I may look like I've been in combat,
02:21but I'd never impersonate someone who has been.
02:24No, and if there's a word I've never thought applied to you,
02:26it was army.
02:27LAUGHTER
02:28This is show, and I know this, 360.
02:41Yeah.
02:41And there's still jokes about Alex's arms we haven't made.
02:44It's unbelievable.
02:45Isn't it nice, isn't it?
02:46Look, you might be wondering why anyone would wear fake medals.
02:48Turns out this week someone else did.
02:50This suspected fake admiral was charged after taking part
02:54in a remembrance service in Landudno.
02:55But the giveaway was when he claimed to have a medal of bravery
02:58for defeating Thanos at the Battle of Helm's Deep.
03:01Do you know if you're going to pretend to be an admiral,
03:03just go for slightly less medals.
03:05That is an insane amount.
03:07I was worried when I heard fake admiral.
03:09I thought it was, like, fake taxis.
03:11I didn't know which way this was going to go.
03:14There's a lot of mistakes.
03:15There's a lot of fakes there.
03:16That's not an old woman.
03:18That is two eight-year-olds in a long coat.
03:20LAUGHTER
03:21By the way, we have pixelated his face for that picture.
03:24He didn't lose it in the Gulf War.
03:26LAUGHTER
03:27We thought we'd get you some actual medals, though, Alex.
03:30Yep. Oh, yes. Oh, yes, sorry.
03:31Oh, yes, please.
03:32You've earned them. You've earned them.
03:34You've done everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:35So, the first, we've got two overseas services medals.
03:38One is for a tour of Magaluf, and the other is...
03:40LAUGHTER
03:41Two tours of Ibiza.
03:43Two tours of Ibiza, there we go.
03:44The slogan, we will fight them on the ocean beaches.
03:48LAUGHTER
03:49Oh, this is great.
03:51A bravery medal for hosting the first series of The Jump on Channel 4.
03:54LAUGHTER
03:55Not many people came back from that.
03:57LAUGHTER
03:58Lost a lot of good men.
04:00LAUGHTER
04:01LAUGHTER
04:02And finally, this is a very special one.
04:04Oh, this is...
04:05For services to British banter, this, Alex Brooker,
04:08is the Victoria Bosch.
04:09LAUGHTER
04:10Oh, yes, please.
04:12Thank you very much.
04:13APPLAUSE
04:15There you go.
04:20Thank you for giving me the box as well.
04:22I'll have the box back.
04:23You don't want the box, do you?
04:24No, thank you.
04:25We are live on your telly right now.
04:26You can send us any questions you want to ask us about the news.
04:29Message us on Instagram, the hashtags, is it OK?
04:31WhatsApp, use the number 07956175908.
04:34Or you can scan the QR code on your screen.
04:36For example, is it OK that this week,
04:38Russia unveiled their first ever AI robot?
04:42Yes, it is.
04:42Yes, I was just sorry.
04:43Is it OK that, judging by this exposing clip,
04:45we kind of don't need to be scared by Russian AI just yet?
04:48LAUGHTER
04:49LAUGHTER
04:50LAUGHTER
05:02MUSIC PLAYS
05:07MUSIC PLAYS
05:09LAUGHTER
05:12MUSIC PLAYS
05:16APPLAUSE
05:18I love the fact that the robot was walking like someone had put the charger
05:28lead up the wrong hole. I love the sheet. You've got to have, if you've designed an AI robot,
05:34you shouldn't be bringing a sheet across like you're about to kill a horse after the ground.
05:38The poor AI robot going, I can't believe you gave me the feeling of shame.
05:44That robot was called C-3PO. Oh, shit!
05:51Alright, let's get stuck into the big story this week. Most of the country this week were asking,
05:55is it OK that the BBC edited a speech by Donald Trump?
05:59So, this week Donald Trump threatened to sue the BBC for $1 billion
06:05after they were found to have aired an edited version of his speech from January 6 on Panorama.
06:10This interesting comparison clip demonstrates the difference between what the BBC aired
06:14and what was actually said.
06:17We're gonna walk down to the Capitol, and I'll be there with you, and we fight.
06:24We fight like hell. And if you don't fight like hell, you're not gonna have a country anymore.
06:29We're gonna walk down to the Capitol, and we're gonna cheer on our brave senators and congressmen and women.
06:40And we fight. We fight like hell. And if you don't fight like hell, you're not gonna have a country anymore.
06:52Now, there's a phrase I heard recently that I think sums this up, and it's this.
06:56Cock-up over conspiracy 90% of the time. And I think that was definitely a cock-up.
07:01Because it made it seem, that edit made it seem as though what Trump said was all one coherent sentence.
07:06Which, in retrospect, should have been the giveaway that it was edited.
07:11Because when has Donald Trump ever uttered one coherent sentence?
07:14What they should have done is indicate the passing of time.
07:17Like, put a white flash between the bits, or a title on the screen,
07:20or even just do the Scooby-Doo wavy arms thing.
07:23It's now been revealed that Newsnight made a similar edit to the same speech.
07:27So, lads, were those edits okay?
07:29No. No. I feel really sorry for Donald Trump, actually.
07:32I feel really sorry because, like, it's just been bad edits.
07:35It's just been bad edits. Like, I had no idea that all this stuff that he was saying was always bad edits.
07:41So, like, that time when he said, like, if you drink bleach, it helps cure Covid.
07:45And then there was that time when he kind of insinuated that he fancied his own daughter.
07:48And it was just, it was just bad edits.
07:50And I feel really embarrassed because all this time, I spent all this time thinking he was just a bit of a weird geezer.
07:55But it was just the edit.
07:56Like, that grabbing pussy thing. Yeah.
07:58Someone asked him, which animal do you save from a burning house first?
08:06I, I, I, it's a bad edit. It's unfair. Yeah.
08:10I think Donald Trump has to now take security measures to not let that happen to him again. Yeah.
08:16So I think he should wear one of those big clocks around his neck like Flavor Flame.
08:23Look, there's no doubt that Trump tried to block the result of a free and fair election.
08:27There's no doubt he used the word fight dozens of times in that speech.
08:30But when you're the most trusted news organisation on the planet, you can't afford to make a mistake.
08:34That's like David Attenborough being caught dumping a fridge in a canal.
08:37Even if it only happens once, you question everything else he does.
08:41Exactly. He's allowed to do it, just don't get caught, David.
08:44Right. Trump gave the BBC a deadline of 10pm tonight to apologise or else he was going to sue.
08:50We know what 10pm tonight means. What?
08:52Last leg. Donald Trump is a huge fan of the last leg.
08:55He wanted it cleared up so that he could enjoy Richard Osman, Rosie Jones and Mike Wozniak like the rest of the country.
09:01I like the idea that like this week, like BBC had been panicking scrolling around on Moonpig to find the right sorry card.
09:10And it just ended up with one of like Justin Bieber saying, is it too late now to say sorry?
09:16But if he had to sue them, if he did sue them for a billion, they couldn't have paid that.
09:21No.
09:22So imagine if like he'd have started sending like Bayliss around to confiscate like the BBC's most prized possessions.
09:27You know, like Claudia's Fringe, like the Queen Vic or like the Blue Peter Tortoise.
09:34The chairman of the BBC...
09:35What a country that they're the top three.
09:38We really, do you know what?
09:40That's a lot about my understanding of the BBC.
09:42I loved the BBC until that speech. No, I'm worried it's not worth it.
09:46The chairman of the BBC did apologise last night, but not before the director general and the head of news both stepped down.
09:52White House press secretary Caroline Levitt described the BBC as, and I quote,
09:56A leftist propaganda machine. That's right.
09:59The channel that brings you Antiques Roadshow, Songs of Praise, Countryfile and the King's Speech on Christmas Day is part of the resistance.
10:05Is the BBC a leftist propaganda machine?
10:09Yeah, it is actually. Is it?
10:11Yeah, because look, don't tell anyone, but I know who the new host of Strictly are.
10:15Billy Bragg and Chairman Mao.
10:17Yeah, I remember...
10:19And the new host of The One Show, a kneecap.
10:24And it gets worse, do you know who the new host of Match of the Day is?
10:27What?
10:28Gary Lineker.
10:29I thought we got a bit much when Shea Guevara won Goal of the Month on Match of the Day.
10:37This is the thing with, like, the BBC, like, how much they try to be balanced.
10:41Is when things like this happen, you see this week, BBC reporting on the BBC being shit.
10:48So what are you, basically, they're in the same office.
10:50So it's basically someone just going,
10:52Here, Dave, can I get a quick quote from you about how you messed up that edit?
10:56I just made you a cup of tea, you're strapping me up!
11:00Nigel Farage refused to take part in a BBC documentary this week,
11:03as he jumped on the bandwagon like an adult who's just found out what 6'7 means.
11:08This from the man who's been on Question Time 38 times.
11:11Nigel Farage spends so much time at the BBC,
11:13the canteen now has a sandwich named after him.
11:16If you're wondering, it's gammon on really white bread.
11:21It's worth pointing out, though,
11:22that the report that highlighted the edits of the BBC
11:25also found that, overall, BBC News had been totally unbiased
11:28and impartial in its coverage of the US election.
11:31The truth is, the BBC is one of the last bastions of real news.
11:35And this week, Keir Starmer said absolutely nothing to defend it.
11:39So, we will.
11:42Listen to me, Donald Trump.
11:43The BBC might not be perfect,
11:45but it's called Aunty for a reason.
11:47Because it's family.
11:49Sure, it's a family member whose views we don't always agree with,
11:52whose decision-making is sometimes annoying
11:54and who's weirdly obsessed with Vernon Kaye.
11:56But we love him.
11:57And by crikey, we're inviting them to dinner anyway.
11:59So, I'm going to say this to you, Donald Trump,
12:01something I reckon you hear a lot at family dinners.
12:03Stay the fuck away from our auntie.
12:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
12:09AND APPLAUSE
12:11AND APPLAUSE
12:13AND APPLAUSE
12:15AND APPLAUSE
12:17You absolute dick, you're the one here with two real feet
12:29and you're best in glass.
12:31I'm so sorry, but you two are all right.
12:34I've got double the chance of stepping on that.
12:36LAUGHTER
12:38AND APPLAUSE
12:40Fucking hell, I'm so sorry.
12:41I got so excited by the BBC, I smashed a glass.
12:44It was like the Queen Vic.
12:46It was exactly like that.
12:47Sorry, move on.
12:49God, why are we dwelling on this?
12:51Look, it is weird to see Donald Trump
12:53accusing anyone of being vodgy.
12:54Sorry.
12:55You know what I mean?
12:56This is a man who bragged that he could grab women by the pussy,
12:57was found liable in a civil court of sexual abuse
12:59and who still refuses to release his tax returns.
13:02I mean, when has Donald Trump ever had the moral high ground?
13:05It's difficult for me to talk about the moral high ground at this point.
13:08Yeah, yeah.
13:09I don't know, there was...
13:10Look, you can't take away from him,
13:11there was that time in Home Alone 2
13:12where he showed Kevin McAllister where the lobby was.
13:15Yeah.
13:16And when he won the WWE Royal Rumble, that was another time.
13:19Yeah.
13:20Rumble-o's cup draw.
13:21The Rumble-o's cup draw, yeah.
13:22Do you know what?
13:24Quite a few times.
13:25So why wouldn't Donald Trump want a robust press?
13:27Well, probably because investigative journalists
13:29tend to investigate people.
13:31Yep.
13:32For things like, oh, I don't know,
13:33hanging out with a known pedophile.
13:35This week, emails were released in which Donald Trump
13:37was referenced by disgraced sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein.
13:40In one email, Epstein said, quote,
13:42I have met some very bad people,
13:44none as bad as Trump,
13:46not one decent cell in his body.
13:48Which is ironic because when Epstein died,
13:50there wasn't one decent body in his cell.
13:52LAUGHTER
13:53LAUGHTER
13:55APPLAUSE
14:04Look...
14:05It is something, though,
14:06when Jeffrey Epstein calls you a bad person.
14:08Yeah, I mean, that's kind of like...
14:10It's like being the wrong-uns wrong-un.
14:12Isn't it?
14:13It's like when you're voted for by your peers,
14:15like the PFA players player of the year.
14:16LAUGHTER
14:17It's like getting the Paul Hollywood handshake
14:19a sex offender.
14:20LAUGHTER
14:21Another email from Epstein,
14:23claimed Donald Trump was so distracted
14:25by young women swimming in a pool,
14:27he walked straight into a door
14:29and left a big orange nose print on the glass.
14:31LAUGHTER
14:33And, from what we've heard,
14:34a tiny orange mushroom print a few feet lower.
14:37LAUGHTER
14:38Are all these emails just going to turn into
14:40like a carry-on film?
14:42LAUGHTER
14:43And he slipped on a banana skin
14:44and ended up with his face in a woman's boobs.
14:46It was a disaster.
14:47Next week, a vote's going to be held
14:48on whether to release all the Epstein files.
14:50And, look, I'm not saying Trump's nervous,
14:51but there are four Republican women
14:53voting for the release of those files,
14:55and this week, Trump tried to meet with all of them.
14:57Two of them did meet with the administration
14:59in the fully soundproofed Situation Room.
15:02There's nothing dodgy about that, is there?
15:04You know, when you...
15:05Obviously, you want to be completely transparent,
15:07the best thing to do is...
15:08is meet people in a soundproof room with no cameras.
15:11Yeah.
15:12The soundproof Situation Room
15:14sounds like where he goes to the toilet
15:16when he's got a dicky tummy.
15:18LAUGHTER
15:19Brooker needs a soundproof Situation Room.
15:21So, how do you think he's going to react
15:22if these files are released next week?
15:24I just think he's like...
15:25He loves...
15:26Whenever bad news comes out,
15:27he loves, like, he has to do something
15:28to kind of distract everyone from it.
15:30So, like, if things are going to get released,
15:32I think we could be, like, a couple of weeks
15:34from him just going,
15:35Look, shall I just open up Area 51
15:36and show you lot the alien?
15:37LAUGHTER
15:40And, look, the thing is,
15:41Trump's not going to stop trying to silence the press.
15:43He's done it to Colbert,
15:44he's done it to Kimmel,
15:45and, look, just today,
15:46he took a pot shot at our show.
15:48I know.
15:49Here is the 100% unedited footage
15:52of the Tangerine Tyrant hating on the last leg.
15:56Are you watching the last leg show on television
16:00of the United Kingdom,
16:02hosted by His Majesty?
16:04Mr. Adam?
16:05The guy can't walk.
16:07He's a very dumb individual.
16:09Very dumb.
16:10He doesn't have a clue.
16:12What the hell?
16:13We're talking like he knows.
16:14He's got guys around him that are pretty smart.
16:17He was begging for my endorsement.
16:19I could have said,
16:20Adam?
16:21Drop to your knees.
16:22He would have dropped to his knees.
16:23He was begging.
16:25Unbelievable.
16:26Unbelievable.
16:27Unbelievable.
16:28We're suing a billion and one dollars.
16:31Billion and one.
16:32Billion and one.
16:33Billion and one.
16:34Alright, let's welcome tonight's guests,
16:35two comedians who've got killer lines
16:36and an author whose lines contain killers.
16:38Please welcome Rosie Jones,
16:39Mike Wozniak,
16:40and Richard Osman.
16:41Woo!
16:42Woo!
16:43Woo!
16:44Woo!
16:45Woo!
16:46Woo!
16:47Woo!
16:48Woo!
16:49Woo!
16:50Woo!
16:51Woo!
16:52Woo!
16:53Woo!
16:54Woo!
16:55Woo!
16:56Woo!
16:57Woo!
16:58Woo!
16:59Woo!
17:00Woo!
17:01Woo!
17:02Woo!
17:03Alright, I mean, what do we all think about
17:04what happened to the BBC this week?
17:06Woo!
17:07Woo!
17:08Woo!
17:09Woo!
17:10Just.
17:11I don't think they should have apologised,
17:13I think they should have apologised to the licence fee payer,
17:16and it should have been the old...
17:18There's more than one of them.
17:20Yeah.
17:21And then the old two fingers.
17:23Yeah, Richard?
17:24That's a really good idea.
17:25Yeah.
17:26You know how to deal with Trump.
17:27I think so, yeah, yeah.
17:28I think, yeah, apologise,
17:29and then let them get on with something else.
17:31Give them the bit of House of Games wheelie luggage.
17:33Rosie?
17:36No, I do not think...
17:39think they should apologise. It was a bad idea. That should not have happened. But Trump
17:52is a bully and I think the BBC and all of us should stand up to him. And like he always
18:08says, it's a free world and if we want to say that Trump is a dangerous bully who needs
18:23to be stopped, we should.
18:27That is spoken like a woman who knows she's got some ideas in with the BBC at the moment.
18:42And he's not touring America any time. Also, the caveat is I do not have a billion dollars,
18:54so please don't sue me.
18:59Um, okay, I'm interested in this. What do we all think of the Epstein files?
19:05All right, back on to the show then.
19:09Anyone want to, or should we just move on?
19:13That's why it's so grim, isn't it? You know, I mean, we all sympathise with the poor victims.
19:17It's completely gross. But I mean, it's going to kick off nasty. It's like you were saying,
19:23he's going to find something else to distract because it's going to kick off and I wouldn't
19:28want to be living in the borderlands of Canada at the moment, for example. Do you know what I mean?
19:33It's invasion time.
19:36Or anywhere he can fire a nuke at. There comes a point where a nuke is his only option.
19:40And look, it has been a rough week for the BBC, and even though they have apologised to the US President,
19:45the threat of another billion dollar lawsuit is still now always going to be hanging over their heads,
19:50which puts the chairman of the BBC in a sticky situation.
19:53How does he maintain journalistic integrity, while also having enough money to fight off any future legal action from Donald Trump?
19:59We think we've found a solution.
20:01Hi, I'm TV's Adam Hills. You know me from such shows as The Last Leg, The Last Leg of the Year,
20:08and The Last Leg in Paris. And I'm here to talk to you about a very important cause.
20:14Every year, the BBC comes together to help those in need.
20:18And this year, no-one's in more need than the BBC.
20:23That's why I'm proud to present Chairman in Need.
20:29This is the chairman of the BBC, and he needs your help.
20:33For just one billion pounds, you can give him the chance to maintain journalistic freedom in the UK.
20:39And more importantly, do another series of celebrity traitors.
20:43That's what we really need to save.
20:45Seriously, BBC, if you're looking for a disabled for series two, this little hand's in the air, boy!
20:50We all make mistakes.
20:52Sometimes you might forget to empty the dishwasher.
20:55Other times you might inadvertently edit a speech that makes it look like the world's biggest man-baby did a thing that half of Americans think he did anyway.
21:03If each BBC licence pair can spare just £41, the world's largest orange toddler can fund important initiatives.
21:11Like a golden ballroom, hush money to a porn star, Bitcoin scams and half-assed lawsuits.
21:20Honestly, I don't mind if I'm a faithful or a traitor.
21:23But all I say is, I've thought about murdering these two a few times.
21:26And I look great in a hood.
21:28So join us for a very special night of laughter, music and the erosion of democracy.
21:34BBC's Chairman in Need.
21:36It'll be great.
21:38Won't it, Trumpsy?
21:39What's that?
21:42Oh yeah, your ear has healed up nicely.
21:51We'll have more last week for you after the break.
21:53We'll check in on who's been giving Keir Starmer nightmares on Downing Street.
21:56And we'll take a look at a calendar, you'll be Russian to be Putin on your wall.
22:00Oh yeah, that's right.
22:01See you in a little bit.
22:02Welcome back to Last Leg.
22:17We're joined by Rosie Jones, Mike Wozniak and Richard Osman.
22:20By the way, shout out to the one person who actually texted in to donate to the Chairman in Need number.
22:25Well done.
22:26Well done, whoever you are.
22:28Love your work.
22:29Right, let's get back to the news now.
22:31And look, it's fair to say, it's not been a great week for the Prime Minister.
22:34As the BBC story rumbled on, turns out the White House Press Secretary doesn't quite know our Prime Minister's name, as seen in this revealing clip.
22:43I will say, I know the President has a very good relationship with Prime Minister Sharma.
22:48You have been there, you've seen them in their interactions.
22:51Prime Minister Sharma!
22:53Imagine being the Prime Minister of Great Britain and you still have your name mangled like you're at Starbucks.
22:58I think the most depressing thing is no one picked her up on it.
23:03Things didn't get any better for the Prime Minister, Sharma.
23:08When rumours abounded that Health Secretary Wes Streeting was mounting a challenge for the leadership.
23:13Streeting went on Sky News this week to defend himself and he did so with a forced cultural reference,
23:17delivered like a comedian who has no confidence in his own punchline.
23:21Here's the cringeworthy clip.
23:23I think whoever's been briefing this has been watching too much Celebrity Traitors
23:27and this is just about the worst attack on a faithful I've seen since Joe Marler was kicked out and banished in the final.
23:33I wouldn't tour it.
23:38Here's the thing though, he delivers the fundaments of that show is if you're saying you're a faithful,
23:44there's a very good chance that you are a traitor.
23:46Yeah, yeah.
23:47Exactly, so Wes Streeting, he's going to be up in the turret straight after that with Bridget Philipson saying,
23:52Kier's on to me.
23:53I think it's too obvious to murder him tonight.
23:57The lovely thing is he delivered that, like you know when you're a comedian and you're delivering a joke for the first time,
24:00you're like, I'm not sure if this is funny, is this funny?
24:03And then it gets a bit of a laugh and you go, alright, I feel a bit confident now.
24:06Because not long after that, Streeting delivered the same joke on the BBC,
24:09but this time with a little confident flourish.
24:13Yeah, someone's definitely been watching too much Celebrity Traitors in Downing Street.
24:17I think they should swap it for Countryfile in the future and calm down a bit.
24:20I'm a faithful, in fact, what you've seen from a silly number 10 source overnight,
24:25is probably the worst attack on a faithful since Joe Mahler was banished in the Traitors final.
24:31See what I mean, a bit more confidence?
24:33He's workshopping it.
24:34Then he went, he honed it back to the best bits, went on ITV,
24:39added the Countryfile bit back in again and did it again.
24:43Whoever's behind this has been watching far too much Celebrity Traitors
24:47and what they've said about me is probably the most unjustified attack on a faithful
24:51since Joe Mahler was banished in the final.
24:53Maybe they should spend a bit more time watching Countryfile.
24:56I'll tell you what he needs, small hands, you get 360 episodes out of that.
25:01To be fair to Wes Streeting, he had thought no-one on earth is sad enough
25:06to watch three Wes Streeting interviews in a row.
25:09What do you think? Should he be trotting out the same material over and over?
25:16Yeah.
25:17Well, Richard says that I say absolutely not.
25:26Oh, no.
25:27And you're so angry right now with bloody waste reading
25:34and the whole of the Labour government,
25:39because I've been a lifelong Labour supporter,
25:45and this is not a Labour government that I no support or recognise.
25:55They need to stop watching TV.
26:00They need to stop saving money in the short term,
26:08because in the long term it's really affecting vulnerable people.
26:18So stop trying to be relatable, watching the traitors,
26:28and care about us not.
26:32Rosie's on the warpath tonight.
26:39But Rosie, he's like Joe Mahler, don't you get it?
26:44Well, the things are only going to get tougher for Prime Minister,
26:46Shawaduwadi, with a budget on the way, local elections coming up in May.
26:51In fact, delivering the budget has been described by one minister as like,
26:54quote, wrestling a squirrel across a minefield.
26:57Which does sound like an Australian euphemism for something.
27:00Sorry, I'm late, boys.
27:02Had to wrestle a squirrel across a minefield.
27:06Wouldn't you let the squirrel go first?
27:08Yeah.
27:09To see how it does?
27:11Why are you... Josh, Josh.
27:13That's cruelty.
27:14What would you do, then?
27:15Why don't you throw a squirrel over a minefield?
27:17What, just chuck it over?
27:19Yeah.
27:20Yeah, but then it's over and then you're stuck.
27:22It's fine, man.
27:23That's okay.
27:24Yeah, I've already lost one foot.
27:25I'm not going back towards the minefield.
27:27What does the squirrel have to get across anyway?
27:29Do you know what I mean?
27:30What's on the other side?
27:31Like, loads of nuts?
27:32It would have to be a lot of nuts for a squirrel.
27:34I think we've gone off track.
27:38That's what they want!
27:39Government sources...
27:41What has happened, he's stored his nuts for winter.
27:43Yes.
27:44And then they've installed the minefield between him and his nuts
27:47and he's gone, oh, for fuck's sake.
27:48And he goes, I am going to be digging a lot of holes.
27:51Or am I feeling nervous?
27:52Yeah.
27:53Yeah.
27:54Or...
27:55I'm still thinking about the squirrel.
27:58Yeah.
27:59No, I'm...
28:00Government sources are now saying that after threatening to raise income tax,
28:04the Chancellor has now changed her mind.
28:06Which didn't get the positive response she might have liked.
28:09It was kind of like saying to your partner,
28:11hey, honey, I was about to cheat on you, but I'm not going to anymore.
28:14Because she said no to me.
28:17So, to sum up, the Prime Minister's facing an upcoming budget that might be unpopular,
28:22local elections in May that might be catastrophic,
28:24and rumours of a leadership challenge from Wes Streeting.
28:27Maybe the PM needs to take a leaf out of Vladimir Putin's book,
28:30or more appropriately, his calendar.
28:32This week, the Russian leader released his calendar for 2026,
28:35featuring classy photos of Putin with snappy patriotic quotes that include...
28:40And I'm not making these up.
28:42Russia's border doesn't end anywhere.
28:44And this is my favourite.
28:46I'm a dove, but with very powerful iron wings.
28:49I mean, I prefer Nelly Furtado's version.
28:54Maybe the dove with iron wings could pick the squirrel up.
29:05It's like the fox, the grain and the chicken.
29:08Look, we think Keir Starmer probably needs to do something similar to Vladimir Putin,
29:11and that's why we would like to give you tonight a sneak peek
29:14at the 2026 Prime Minister's calendar.
29:16Oh, lovely.
29:17Complete with our version of Starmerism's little quotes.
29:20He's January with the quote,
29:22promise people nothing and you can't let them down.
29:26February sees the Prime Minister fishing with the line,
29:28my favourite drink is room temperature tap water.
29:32In March, he's scoring for Arsenal with the quote,
29:36there's no I in fun.
29:39And in April, he's wrestling a bear with the line,
29:41no matter what happens in next month's local elections,
29:43I will always be your leader.
29:45Let's skip to May now.
29:47And as you can see,
29:48we're streeting as Prime Minister.
29:51With the quote,
29:52I am and always have been a traitor.
29:54We'll have more Last Leg for you after the break.
30:03We're going to step into Christmas a little bit early
30:05and we'll unveil this week's mystery guest.
30:07We'll see you in a little bit.
30:08APPLAUSE
30:09Welcome back to Last Leg.
30:23We're joined by Rosie Jones, Mike Wozniak, Richard Osman.
30:25Everyone is on tour at the moment.
30:27Mike, you're doing a stand-up tour called The Bench.
30:29Why is it called The Bench?
30:30I am, yeah.
30:31Why is it called The Bench?
30:32Ah!
30:33It's about a bench.
30:35LAUGHTER
30:36Hey!
30:38So it's been rigorously tested by a sales team.
30:40Yeah.
30:41Yeah, we just wanted to see whether or not people were interested
30:44in coming to a show that might be about a bench.
30:46And I think the nation's up for it.
30:49You're also appearing in a TV show?
30:51Yes.
30:52Based on a teenage novel by Adam Kaye.
30:55Adam Kaye, illustrated by Henry Packer.
30:57Yeah.
30:58The ten-year-old doctor.
30:59Yeah.
31:00I play the dad.
31:01That's why I've got the sort of Britain First haircut at the moment,
31:03cos I had to...
31:04LAUGHTER
31:05I had to sort of shave a chunk of my hair off at the top.
31:08Sort of 70s-style baldness, basically.
31:10Right.
31:11But, yeah, that's a lot of fun.
31:12I think that's coming out sort of Christmas-y.
31:14I think it is on the BBC.
31:15BBC.
31:16If it still exists by then.
31:17BBC, yeah.
31:19Josh is on tour as well at the moment
31:21and had another awkward moment with a disabled audience member
31:23this week, right?
31:24So, the week before, obviously...
31:25Well, not obviously, but I had the problem
31:27where I didn't realise the guy was blind.
31:29Yep.
31:30So, this week, I got talking...
31:32I asked someone in the audience something and he replied
31:35and I said, what's your name?
31:37And then, someone shouted, Jeff.
31:40Yep.
31:41And I said, oh, is it Jeff?
31:43And they said, no, no, no, Steph.
31:45And I was like, Steph?
31:47It turned out they were shouting that this guy was deaf.
31:50So, I had...
31:54Yeah, so I've offended a blind person and a deaf person
31:56in two weeks.
31:57I'd have thought the best way to enjoy your show
31:59would be not to hear your voice.
32:00LAUGHTER
32:06It's fair play.
32:07It's fair play.
32:08Look, you're attacking my lot.
32:10Rosie, you're on tour as well.
32:12Have you ever had any faux pas with disabled audience members?
32:14Yeah, I do.
32:16Well, I have a lot of disabled people come to my gigs,
32:23which is a nightmare.
32:27LAUGHTER
32:29Because they care for the disabled toilet.
32:34LAUGHTER
32:35Awful.
32:36LAUGHTER
32:37Well, a few weeks ago,
32:41a non-disabled man met me in a pub on top.
32:48And we got talking and they were big into yoga.
32:55Anyway, four points down,
33:00he tried to convince me that he could stretch
33:07the cerebral palsy away.
33:13LAUGHTER
33:14And I was like,
33:17A, I don't think that's how brain damage works.
33:24Mm, yeah.
33:25But B, please don't do that.
33:30Cos cerebral palsy has made me rich.
33:37LAUGHTER
33:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
33:42Yeah.
33:43Yeah.
33:44Yeah.
33:45Yeah.
33:46Preach, sister!
33:47Here's to being disabled!
33:49LAUGHTER
33:50CP's in the crowd are going off tonight, too.
33:52LAUGHTER
33:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
33:57Now, as Christmas lights are being turned on
34:02in various British towns tonight,
34:04families on an Air Force base in Florida
34:06have been ordered to dismantle their Christmas decorations
34:09because early holiday decorations
34:11were not allowed in their lease agreements.
34:13Here's the question,
34:14is it too early to start being Christmassy?
34:16Yes. Yes.
34:17Yeah, absolutely.
34:19I feel like I speak for gay people everywhere
34:25and we need November to get over gay Christmas,
34:34which is Halloween.
34:36LAUGHTER
34:38You're not a fan of early Christmas?
34:40No, well, my birthday is at the end of...
34:42I know it's not all about me, but my birthday is at the end of...
34:44LAUGHTER
34:45Isn't it?
34:46My birthday is at the end of November, November 28th.
34:49Right.
34:50So you can't start Christmas before then because it pulls focus.
34:53I think it's really unacceptable.
34:55LAUGHTER
34:56My baby here, yeah, similar...
34:58Yeah, yeah, similar problems with the early...
34:59Yeah.
35:00Yeah, I can't handle it.
35:01Nothing before December, absolutely not.
35:03Wow.
35:04And they are problems.
35:05They genuinely are problems.
35:06I've never said this on a show before,
35:08but everything I've just heard from you lot
35:10has made me feel physically sick.
35:12LAUGHTER
35:13I love Christmassy. I start it early.
35:14I think they should do...
35:16They should do advent calendars that go from August.
35:18LAUGHTER
35:19Imagine having 120 chocolates.
35:21You know me, I love my Christmas pills.
35:24Look, we had a meeting for The Last Leg
35:26that was going to be on the show this week
35:27and Brooker, like, halfway through went,
35:29is it too early to do Christmas?
35:31And we started thinking about what's in the news at the moment
35:33and went, do you know what?
35:35There is so much shit in the world right now,
35:37we are going to start celebrating early.
35:39So at the end of tonight's show,
35:40we're going to turn the lights on in the studio,
35:42but we do want to know who should be the angel on the tree.
35:45Message us on Instagram, hashtag LastLegAngel.
35:47WhatsApp, the number is 07956175908.
35:50Scan the QR code on your screen.
35:51Next week, we'll put the angel on top of the screen,
35:53on top of the tree.
35:54I'm going to say I think Joe Marla should be the angel.
35:57Really?
35:58Well, he was the only pure soul in Traitors
36:00and, like Jesus, he was betrayed at the Last Supper.
36:03LAUGHTER
36:05I think maybe IB for final boss.
36:07You could have IB for final boss.
36:08It would be a good one, make him more Christmassy,
36:10or maybe even like, maybe Bunny Blue.
36:13Oh.
36:14Just like a little queue of wise men.
36:16Just...
36:17LAUGHTER
36:20Can I just say I don't endorse that message?
36:22LAUGHTER
36:24I can now make a bid for Celia Inry,
36:31who for me is the hero of the year,
36:36but I would like you to stick her face to a fart machine.
36:45LAUGHTER
36:46Yeah.
36:47Perfect.
36:48And put her on top of the tree with the final needle up her bum.
36:50Yeah.
36:51Yeah.
36:52Got it.
36:53All right, it's time to bring on this week's mystery guest.
36:54Oh.
36:55Richard, Rosie and Mike are going to have to work out
36:56how this person relates to this week's news.
36:58Can we have the mystery guest, please?
37:00Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.
37:03Mystery guest.
37:05I wanna get close to you.
37:09Josh, Alex, who's the mystery guest?
37:11This is Rie.
37:12Yep.
37:13She's been in the news this week,
37:15but why was she in the news?
37:17Can we have the dramatic lighting change, please?
37:21So, was Rie in the news because,
37:24after a mistaken eBay purchase,
37:26she ended up as the owner of 40,000 double-decker bars?
37:30Oh.
37:31Or, after a mistaken eBay purchase,
37:32she ended up as the owner of 200 kilos
37:35of free Deirdre Rashid memorabilia?
37:38Or, our final option,
37:39after a mistaken eBay purchase,
37:41she ended up hatching and raising an emu.
37:45One of those is correct.
37:48Okay.
37:49Do you wanna have a...
37:50Yeah, so, double-decker bars,
37:51free Deirdre Rashid memorabilia,
37:53or your emu?
37:54What are you thinking?
37:55Oh, there aren't 40,000 double-deckers
37:58left in the wild, are there?
38:00Sure.
38:01That's something that you can still buy.
38:03Well, you can buy one.
38:04I don't know.
38:05Well, maybe that explains where they've all gone,
38:07do you know what I mean?
38:08I think it happened before this week.
38:10I want it to be the emu.
38:12Yes.
38:13But if that is the case,
38:14then I want to know where is the emu now?
38:16Well, why aren't you nurturing the emu?
38:19If that is the answer,
38:22we will find out after the break
38:23and you can ask those questions.
38:24Okay.
38:25Because we will reveal the mystery guest
38:27after the break
38:28when we have a little bit more last leg for you.
38:30And we start Christmas early.
38:32What are you thinking?
38:33Are you thinking, emu?
38:34Yeah, and I want the emu to come on.
38:41I think that's the one thing the nation can agree on.
38:44We'll see you after the break.
38:46See you in a little bit.
38:47Welcome back to Last Leg.
39:02We're joined by Rosa Jones, Mike Wozniak, Richard Osmond.
39:05Now, before the break,
39:06we challenged our guest to work out
39:07how this person was connected to the news.
39:09Can we have the options again, please?
39:11Yes.
39:12So, was Ria in the news
39:14because she made a mistake in eBay purchase
39:16of 40,000 double-deckers?
39:18Whoa!
39:19Sorry, mate.
39:20Don't realize my point was that strong.
39:21She bought 200 kilograms, kilograms,
39:25of free Deidre Rashid memorabilia
39:27or she made a mistake in eBay purchase
39:29and ended up hatching and raising an emu.
39:32What do you think the answer is?
39:33Are we allowed to ask Ria questions?
39:34Or are we just like...
39:35Yeah, go on.
39:36It's a really good idea.
39:37Are you interested in the consumption of rare meats?
39:41I can't say it's ever crossed my mind.
39:46How big an egg do you like at breakfast?
39:49Portion sizes are minimal at breakfast.
39:54Oh, I've got a clever one.
39:57Yeah?
39:58What is your favourite chocolate batter?
40:02That is clever.
40:03Yeah.
40:04I don't want to give things away too much
40:07but I can safely say that between chocolate and eggs
40:10I have got more of a sweet tooth.
40:12It was a clever question.
40:13What if it was a Cadbury's emu?
40:15Yeah, yeah.
40:16I know it would be fun to have the emu out
40:18but it would be even more fun to have 40,000 double-deckers.
40:20LAUGHTER
40:21So what do you think?
40:22What do you think the answer is?
40:23You guys think emu, don't you?
40:25I'll go double-decker just for some Jeopardy.
40:27You're saying double-decker but you're both saying...
40:28Oh, that's the producer.
40:29I've changed the double-decker.
40:31Change the double-decker?
40:32No, don't do that cos then the Jeopardy is absurd.
40:34Well, I think Ria...
40:35It's possible she's playing me like a harp, right?
40:38But I'm willing to take the risk.
40:41Rosie?
40:42OK, I'll say emu
40:44because I really want to cuddle an emu.
40:49OK.
40:50OK.
40:51I was saying double-decker because we really want a double-decker.
40:53Yeah.
40:54Ria, can you give us the answer, please?
40:57One night, I went on eBay
40:59and I mistakenly bought...
41:01an emu egg.
41:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:08Damn it.
41:11Damn it.
41:12OK, let's see him.
41:13Did you think you were on Teemu?
41:16Teemu emu?
41:17That's not a bad joke.
41:18I don't think anyone heard it.
41:20Oh, I said, did she think she was on Teemu?
41:22LAUGHTER
41:23That was absolute silence.
41:25It was completely crushing.
41:26And that's why I'm not on tour.
41:27It could have easily been, though.
41:30OK.
41:31So what happened?
41:32Yeah.
41:33And this is why.
41:34It could have easily been from anywhere.
41:36So, one night, I had actually taken a sleeping tablet
41:40and I was sort of in that twilight zone of falling asleep,
41:43not being asleep,
41:45mistakenly decided to do a bit of late-night shopping online
41:49and bought a series of quite unhinged purchases
41:52that I had no recollection of until the next morning
41:55when I had an email notification that came through
41:57to say my emu egg had been dispatched.
42:00LAUGHTER
42:01So, how did you end up...?
42:03Obviously, you've hatched it,
42:04so how did you end up going about...?
42:07Well, how did you hatch an egg?
42:09Oh, so, naturally, as you do...
42:11Naturally.
42:12Naturally.
42:13Naturally.
42:14You hatched it naturally.
42:15It's an incubator.
42:16OK.
42:17Well, Scott, you could buy some stuff for Phoebe, didn't you?
42:19Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
42:20You know, again, some of the unhinged purchases
42:22came in useful in this situation.
42:24You hated it.
42:25So, now, you have a full-grown emu?
42:27Yeah, yeah.
42:28My pride and joy, a...
42:30Whoa!
42:31Look at the size of that emu!
42:33Wow!
42:34Six foot...
42:35How old is it now?
42:37So, she's now three.
42:38OK.
42:39Yeah.
42:40Do you have, like, a funny sign and a door?
42:42What are we talking?
42:43What do you do with an emu with three?
42:45Preschool?
42:46What's the...
42:47Well, we went through that last year.
42:49Yeah.
42:50And they do sort of accelerate with their ageing process a little bit.
42:54So, now, she's actually looking for a husband.
42:57Right.
42:58So, she's actually just made a Tinder profile.
43:01LAUGHTER
43:03Well, you know where to go, people.
43:05Ree, thank you so much for being on the show.
43:07Thank you very much.
43:08Thank you, guys.
43:09APPLAUSE
43:10Wow.
43:11All right, Josh has been threatening to sue the last seven days.
43:17What have you got?
43:18The first one is some footage we've got during the show.
43:21How does a man with a moustache prepare for part two?
43:27Oh.
43:28I don't know.
43:29Let's have a look.
43:32It's got a little moustache comb!
43:34No!
43:35He's got a secret little moustache comb!
43:37Wow.
43:38APPLAUSE
43:39Yeah.
43:44Um...
43:45I...
43:46I...
43:47I have a comb for every part of my body.
43:49LAUGHTER
43:51And if you subscribe to my YouTube channel, you can see...
43:54LAUGHTER
43:55What else have you got?
43:56Oh, yes.
43:57So, it's been...
43:58It's been a bad week for the BBC, but this is better.
44:01Would you like to see some terrifying local news footage
44:05in which a man gets some seagulls away from his chips?
44:09Yes, please.
44:11Would you mind?
44:12Please?
44:13Please?
44:14No.
44:15Please don't eat my chips.
44:16Get off my chips!
44:17LAUGHTER
44:18That seems to work.
44:19LAUGHTER
44:24It was a bad edit.
44:25He did say please.
44:26LAUGHTER
44:27All right, we did ask you to nominate an angel
44:29for The Last Late Christmas Tree.
44:30The suggestions have come in.
44:31A few people have said Miriam Margulies.
44:33Oh, Dick Van Dyke, because he turns 100 in December.
44:37Does he?
44:38The new New York Mayor, Zoran Mamdani, Alan Carr.
44:41A few for Joe Mahler.
44:42Where's Sarah Cox's shout-out?
44:44I mean, I know it's the last thing she needs at the moment.
44:46Do you know what I mean?
44:47She's in a recovery phase, but, you know, she's...
44:49Literally just about to say the majority of votes
44:51that have come in are for Sarah Cox.
44:52Oh, good on her.
44:53Yeah.
44:54Sarah Cox has done an amazing...
44:55135 miles?
44:56Yeah.
44:57That's right.
44:58Still from in there.
45:03We will unveil the winner next week and keep voting.
45:05We're about to end the show by stepping into Christmas early,
45:07but before we do, would you please thank our guests?
45:09Rosie Jones.
45:10Woo!
45:11Mike Wozniak.
45:12Woo!
45:13And Richard Osman.
45:14Woo!
45:15And my co-host Josh Whittakam and Alex Brooker.
45:18We'll be back next week with comedians Jack Dee and Harriet Kemsley,
45:24but right now, with a world full of Epstein files,
45:28leadership challenges and scary budgets,
45:30we've decided to step into Christmas a little bit early.
45:34So, break out the decorations, crack out the eggnog,
45:38and get ready to celebrate the 41 days of Christmas.
45:41Music, please.
45:43We've decided to have an early Christmas,
45:56just a little bit.
46:00With a budget on the way, someone's gonna pay,
46:04it's feeling like the world has gone to shit.
46:08So we're gonna have an early Christmas,
46:13gather round a tree,
46:17cause Trump dislikes the news,
46:19there's a chance we're gonna lose,
46:21the BBC.
46:25An Epstein surprise reform on the rise,
46:28supported by angry men.
46:30The world's on fire, temperatures higher,
46:32a fight in number 10.
46:34The king and queen have both decreed that Andrew's out again.
46:38So...
46:41Fuck it, it might as well be Christmas,
46:45everywhere you go.
46:49So ignore the burning world,
46:51every boy and every girl
46:53can bury their heads right underneath the snow.
46:58So screw it all, let's string out Christmas,
47:02make it last for half a year.
47:06There's nothing left to lose,
47:08so let's all stay off the booze until he stirs here.
47:17Merry fucking Christmas everyone!
47:20Fuck!
47:25Fuck!
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