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00:00Thank you for letting us be ourselves
00:02So don't mind me if I repeat myself
00:04These simple lines be good for your health
00:06Keep them crime rhymes on the shelf
00:08Live my life like you just don't care
00:10Five thousand leaders never scared
00:12Rain and noise is the moment they fear
00:16Get up, you're still a pill for my death
00:18Get up, throw your hands in the air
00:20Get up, get up, and show you
00:22Get up, get up, get up, get up
00:24Get up, get up, get up
00:26Get up, get up, get up
00:28Get up, get up, get up
00:30Get up, get up, get up
00:32Get up, get up, get up
00:34Gather your working families, hold in your squeezed middle
00:36And hope you don't freeze your assets off
00:38It's Friday, we're live, and it's time for The Last Leg
00:42Tonight on the show, Labour ploughs on with their budget
00:46We check in on the growth of AI
00:48And we'll plant a seed for the Deaflympics
00:52Plus we'll be joined by actor Rose Ayling-Ellis
00:54And comedians Chris McCausland and Adam Buxton
00:56On the show that sometimes likes to dump on the news
01:08G'day, I'm Adam Hills
01:10Welcome to The Last Leg
01:12The show that doesn't care about Black Friday
01:14Cause we're always 30% off
01:16With me as always are the pride of Dartmoor, Josh Whittacombe
01:18And the man who thought the bond market was where 007 buys his eggs
01:22In America
01:28Um, loads to get through tonight
01:30But we want to start by recapping a couple of awkward moments
01:32We had this week
01:34Firstly, if you saw last week's show, you might have seen this moment
01:36Uh, when Josh stood next to the UK's tallest Tory
01:40Uh, James McAlpine
01:42Uh, Alex...
01:44He's seven foot two
01:46Though...
01:47Are we still ruling out these three school kids in a suit?
01:50Uh, Alex, your daughter had an interesting observation
01:54Yeah, I showed the girls the photo on Saturday morning
01:57And my youngest pointed at Josh and went, is he a grown-up?
02:02LAUGHTER
02:04But, um, yeah, the best part of it was I promised him
02:07You'll come round for a play date next week
02:09LAUGHTER
02:11We're going to dare to air
02:13I can't believe we got through the whole week without calling him the never-ending Tory
02:17Oh, how did we miss that?
02:19How did we miss that? Thank God we brought it back
02:21But yeah, we are, um, we are working together now
02:23We're bringing out our own version of Russian dolls for Christmas
02:26LAUGHTER
02:27Um, and my embarrassing moment this week
02:29So, uh, actually happened last week
02:31I was at Speaker's House, um, in Parliament for Disability History Month
02:35And I went straight from, you know, working on the last leg
02:38So, I hadn't really had dinner, so I scoffed about three protein bars
02:41Um
02:42Such an athlete
02:43Oh, always, always
02:44I forgot that you were Sylvester Stallone
02:46LAUGHTER
02:48And look, it was amazing
02:49There was, there was speech from Paralympian Steph Reid
02:51There were disabled MPs
02:52Dr Marie Tidbul was there
02:54Here's a couple of photos that I took on the night
02:56It was a brilliant one, it was amazing
02:57I love, I love Osis
02:58Yeah
02:59Getting a photo with a big Ben in the background
03:01You're still a tourist, aren't you?
03:02Oh, absolutely
03:03The problem was, halfway through the night
03:05The protein bars started to kick in
03:07And it was a crowded room
03:09Like Popeye
03:10LAUGHTER
03:11Well, it wasn't my eye that was popping
03:13Uh...
03:14I, I got quite farty
03:16Did you?
03:17I got quite farty
03:18Squeaker's House
03:19At Speaker's House
03:20No, I said Squeaker's House
03:21LAUGHTER
03:22It's good gear
03:23LAUGHTER
03:24I thought, you know what, it's a crowded room
03:26I'm probably OK
03:27Yeah
03:28You know, loads of talking, no-one could hear
03:29Yeah
03:30And look, I, I let a few out
03:32And, um, you know, they weren't noxious
03:34And I thought, I'm fine
03:35I'm getting away with this
03:36And five minutes later
03:37I turned around
03:38And there was a person in a wheelchair
03:39Right behind me
03:40LAUGHTER
03:41Oh...
03:42And this
03:43This is why we make you sit behind the desk
03:46And you know the worst thing is
03:47What, yeah?
03:48Go on
03:49You're like this
03:50Not often you see somebody in Parliament
03:52Following through on something
03:53Oh
03:54Oh
03:55Yes
03:56You know, another person in Parliament
03:57Shitting on the disabled
03:58Am I right?
03:59Oh
04:00Blimey
04:01Are we on Radio 4?
04:02What's going on?
04:03LAUGHTER
04:04Ah
04:05No, no, no
04:06Forget it
04:07The worst thing is the next night
04:08I was at Downing Street for another function
04:09Oh no
04:10Browning Street
04:11Sorry
04:12It was a short stature
04:14Browning squeak
04:15I've lost it
04:16It was a short statured guy behind me
04:17For the whole night
04:18I have never clenched my butt cheeks harder
04:19In my entire life
04:21Look, we are live on your telly right now
04:22You can send us any questions you want to ask us about the news
04:25Message us on Instagram
04:26The hashtags
04:27Is it okay?
04:28WhatsApp
04:29The number is 07956 175 908
04:31Or you can scan the QR code on the screen
04:33For example
04:34Is it okay that Russian scientists this week
04:36Have reportedly fitted transmitters
04:38Into the brains of pigeons
04:40So they can be flown remotely on spy missions?
04:43Hmm
04:44Is it okay that Vladimir Putin uses them to take over a country?
04:47It'll be known as a military coup
04:49Oh
04:50Oh, come on
04:51Come on
04:52It's a pigeon pun
04:54What else are you here for?
04:57This is channel 4 on a Friday night
04:59Puns about pigeons
05:01We've got a photo
05:02We've got a photo
05:03We have a striking image of one of the pigeons here
05:05I'll tell you what
05:06I now know what I want for Christmas
05:08Yeah
05:09Wouldn't you
05:10If your wife turned around to Christmas Day
05:12You've got a remote control pigeon
05:14Yeah
05:15That would be the greatest
05:16Imagine just like flying it around
05:18It's got a GoPro on it
05:19You can see where it's going
05:20Like shitting on people
05:22And then you find out your mates have also got one
05:24You'll meet up in Trafalgar Square
05:26Just edging forward to some geez on the bench nicking his chips
05:30I'd give it a year until Adam is running that show with us two on remote control
05:36We also have exclusive images of the KGB agent in charge of the operation
05:42All right, let's jump foot first into the news now
05:48And Gareth said
05:49Is it okay that the budget got leaked ahead of the announcement?
05:52Yes, the Chancellor Rachel Reeves delivered the budget on Wednesday
05:55After several weeks of teasing and leaks
05:57It was like the build-up to the new series of Stranger Things, wasn't it?
06:00It was outrageous
06:02Yeah, I was hoping for the Lily Allen album to come out about it as well
06:06It puts a mansion tax on the Pussy Palace
06:09The lead-up to the budget took so long
06:11We even made up our own advent calendar for it
06:13But, as you can see here
06:15When we opened the calendar the day before the budget
06:18We got the budget
06:20Because the Office for Budget Responsibility
06:22Accidentally uploaded the entire budget
06:2440 minutes before it was delivered to Parliament
06:27I got it a day before
06:28Did you?
06:29Because I'm on Rachel Reeves' Patreon
06:34The thing is that it just meant people weren't interested in it twice
06:37But I think what happened, you know when you're talking about somebody
06:43Yeah
06:44And you accidentally text them
06:45Yeah, that's what happened
06:46That's what happened
06:47The Chancellor began her speech by slagging off the opposition
06:49And bigging up Labour
06:50So it was like the political equivalent of 8 Mile
06:53If Eminem's rap had been released 40 minutes before the battle
06:56Or to put it another way
06:57Her palms were sweaty, growth weak, forecast heavy
06:59The OBR released the details of the budget already
07:01Thank you very much
07:04Yeah
07:05You get an applause but the bad news is they've introduced a midlife crisis tax
07:12So
07:13Listen
07:14I've been playing rugby league for 8 years
07:16I've been paying that tax for a while
07:18Each party used different food analogies to describe the budget this week
07:22Rachel Reeves warned that it wouldn't be a pick and mix
07:24While Kemi Badernot called it a smorgasbord of misery
07:27It was like they both used foods they knew their voters would relate to
07:31Like pick and mix and smorgasbord
07:33I'm surprised the Green Party didn't call it a kale salad of confusion
07:36The main takeaway from the budget seems to be that the Chancellor is going to take more in tax
07:41To fund more in public spending
07:43And it's up to you whether you think that's a good thing or a bad thing
07:46The Mirror took a positive tone with their impactful front page
07:49Calling it a budget with a Labour heart
07:51The Sun carried a more damning headline of the benefit street budget
07:55While The Sun also today featured an interview with Rachel Reeves' uncle
07:59And ran with the poetic headline
08:01Fleeced by my niece
08:03Who's her uncle? Dr Seuss?
08:05Yeah, rejected headlines were
08:07Dad thought it was bad
08:09Mum was glum
08:10And her cousin wasn't buzzing
08:11Things haven't improved
08:13With my cousin twice removed
08:15The biggest announcement
08:17Just to be clear that's not me saying she's my cousin twice removed
08:19That was me suggesting a headline
08:21The biggest announcement
08:23Was the end of the two-child benefits cap
08:25Which meant families on benefits could only claim for their first two children
08:27That's now been gotten rid of
08:29Is that okay?
08:30Yes
08:31There was a big thing that people criticising it
08:33Genuinely I saw people on and going
08:35Well that just means those are people just going to have more babies now
08:37I don't think that's what people were waiting for
08:39I don't think anybody was kind of sat there
08:41Like waiting for their third child
08:43And what Rachel Reeves had said
08:45Then sidling up to your missus going
08:47Tell you what love, should we budget and chill tonight shall we?
08:49As soon as that leaked report came out I'd had sex before the budget even started
09:03It's unbelievable
09:05Like that is just this wild idea
09:07That it's this kind of welfare kind of scam
09:11Where you're going to have a kid so that you can
09:13I think the current is that the first kid you get 25 pounds a week
09:17You get 17th a second
09:19Have you bought a fucking magazine for a child?
09:21It's about 60 quid
09:23Like it's just wild and it's bringing people out of poverty is a good thing
09:28Well yeah so the lifting of the two-child benefit cap
09:30Is estimated to bring around 4,000
09:32Sorry, 450,000 children out of poverty
09:35But the question is who's going to pay for it?
09:37So the freezing of the tax threshold means that an extra 800,000 people
09:41Will now be dragged into paying tax for the first time
09:43And they are not high earners
09:45Kate said is it okay that disabled people are losing motability cars
09:49And still can't rely on accessible public transport
09:51Now luxury vehicles are being removed from the motability scheme
09:55But Alex has got a point to make on it
09:57Well yeah because the big thing is
09:59I think Rachel's the word she used was
10:01She wanted to reduce generous taxpayer subsidies from the motability scheme
10:06Yeah
10:07It makes it sound like you're scrounging if you get a luxury car
10:09But basically the way the motability scheme works is you give over
10:13You give over the mobility component of your benefit which you get
10:17You just give them the money you just don't take the money
10:19Yeah
10:20That goes towards a car
10:21The luxury cars and other cars are basically
10:23It's a down payment that you make yourself
10:26So the government don't
10:27If you go oh by the way can I have a Merc
10:29Yeah
10:30The government don't go yeah we'll do that
10:31You pay it yourself so it doesn't save them any money either way
10:36And I think it was bowing down
10:38You have like little you know
10:40There's a lot of people that wanted to criticise the idea of
10:42Someone getting something for free
10:44Yeah
10:45It's not for free it's something that somebody's entitled to first of all
10:47Yeah
10:48Then you've got all these whiff merchants like Lee Anderson
10:50Gobbing off going oh we should go back to what it's like in the 60s
10:52And stuff like that
10:54And I just think this was bowing down to them
10:56Because honestly if you look on the on the motability website today
10:59Yeah
11:00There's still cars where you make a down payment
11:02There was a Volkswagen on there I looked
11:03Seven thousand nine hundred pounds the down payment
11:05Which was more than what you would have paid for a Merc anyway
11:08So it's just it was an aesthetic thing I think to please
11:11People who want to like shit on disabled people
11:13The idea that they're getting something I don't
11:15And yeah I just um I just think it was whiff
11:19If I'm honest to give you the political term
11:22It was just it was just bollocks just to kind of have a little jab
11:25At disabled people
11:32Yeah boy
11:33I
11:34I
11:35I disagree
11:36There's a
11:38After I've said that there's a little fly that's just flown on me
11:41And I don't know if you've got remote control flies in government now
11:44Because it's literally
11:45It's staring right at me
11:47Oh yeah he's there
11:48I'm going to move on because we're on television
11:50Sorry mate
11:52But look at that
11:53I'm like Dr Doolittle over here
11:55Look at this
11:56I get it
11:57Oh there we go
11:58I'm going to point out the cameras though
11:59Yeah no worries though
12:00Yeah carry on with the
12:01If you're watching in HD that bit was great
12:02Carry on with the rest of the budget
12:04One question being raised this week is whether Labor has broken a manifesto pledge to not raise taxes for working people
12:09Rachel Reeves' response to that was to say they only promise not to raise tax rates for working people
12:16Which is the equivalent of saying look I'm technically not lying
12:19This informative table was released yesterday that seems to show that the richest people in society are the ones that will be affected the most by the budget
12:25But Josh you've got an issue with it right
12:27Well it's just that obviously that is true but I
12:32The richest 10% there a lot of those people in the richest 10% are the top end of that
12:36Yeah
12:37That 709 pounds isn't going to mean much to Mike Ashley who's in the richest 10%
12:42Whereas all the kind of the middle level the minus 342 pounds minus 230 pounds
12:48That's people where that is a real hit to their actual finances
12:52Yeah
12:53So it looks like the top people are paying a lot more but they're not actually paying a lot more
12:57In comparison a lot of them in that 10% to what actually they earn
13:01So once again it feels like the super rich aren't being hit that hard
13:05So are we taxing the wrong people?
13:07Well I think like what Josh was saying there
13:09It's the people in the middle that get squeezed
13:12Yeah
13:13Squeezed a lot more
13:14So I think it's you know obviously it's helping the most vulnerable as you can see
13:17From the top end of that graph but it is always with these budgets
13:20It's the people in the middle the majority of people where if you move up
13:23You know with the fact that the the the tax brackets and stuff like that you know
13:27That's all been changed now and if you move up one
13:30And you start paying more tax all of a sudden you know you lose kind of free childcare the hours of free childcare
13:35Obviously you want to progress in your life and earn more
13:37Yeah
13:38But it can bring you back down I feel people are getting squeezed energy bills and stuff like that
13:41Whereas like Josh said that the richest
13:44There's there's a fear
13:45Yeah
13:46To tax the richest people in the country
13:48Yeah
13:49There is a fear within the government because of the media
13:51Because of the narrative of that to tax the richest people in the country
13:54I am incredibly lucky right
13:56I for basically a hobby get paid quite a lot of money so I'm in that top level
14:02Yeah
14:03I pay a lot of tax it's a fucking privilege because I get that I get a nice house
14:07I get a good wage for doing something I like and then you're like well what's this money going towards
14:12You've just said it
14:13450,000 children being bought out of poverty
14:16Yeah
14:17Is that a good use of people's money of course it fucking is if it's not what is wrong with your head?
14:22Yeah agreed
14:23And so you know there's a worry that if the government start taxing you know the super rich they'll leave the country
14:35But should we be worried that a billionaire might leave the country if they get taxed a little bit more?
14:40Surely the best thing about being a billionaire
14:42Yeah
14:43I don't know but the best thing about being a billionaire is you can do what you fucking want
14:47You can live wherever you want
14:49Imagine being a billionaire you've got one life what are you going to do?
14:52I'm going to move because I'm worried about 2% tax on my assets
14:56You're a fucking billionaire mate enjoy your life
14:59I think if Labour are worried that
15:01Unless Paul McCartney decides to move in which case I'm voting reform
15:05If Labour are worried about the reaction to taxing the super rich maybe they could do it by stealth
15:09You know just tax things that only the super rich have like I don't know double barreled names
15:14Yes
15:15Hyphens
15:16Yes
15:17Red trousers
15:18Or if they want to get to the tech bros maybe a tax on protein shakes
15:234am cold plungers and the Wim Hof method
15:26Yeah?
15:27James of soggy biscuit?
15:29If you really want to target the super rich
15:33Yeah
15:34You tax anyone who is worried about the release of the Epstein file
15:37So our poll tonight is this what could we tax that only the super rich would feel?
15:49Messages via WhatsApp or on socials use the hashtag tax the super rich and look on top of everything else
15:54Hannah said is it okay that there is a tax on milkshakes?
15:56Well no but the thing is so they've brought just brought out 450,000 children out of poverty
16:02Yeah
16:03And if you're into Nesquik they're going straight back into it
16:05Yeah we've had an absolute touch but my kids into your zoo were fucked
16:11So between smorgasbords milkshakes and pick and mixers there was a lot of food being used to describe the budget this week
16:18So we're going to use a lot of food to demonstrate the budget
16:22Alright
16:23Are you ready for this?
16:24Yeah I think so
16:25So the budget began with a tax on pre-packaged lattes
16:28So I'm just going to tip that in there right now
16:30And included a freeze on income tax thresholds
16:33Hence the ice cream
16:35Have I given you the right job there?
16:36No it's alright you're alright don't worry this goes on Channel 4 Plus One
16:39Okay
16:40Do you want a couple of scoops boy?
16:42Yeah it's Keir Starmer's favourite flavour, vanilla
16:44There you go
16:45There's also a mansion tax which is why I'm going to put some of this gingerbread house in as well
16:50And an increased duty on alcohol
16:52Oh there you go
16:53There you go
16:54I'll do the other side
16:55There we go get that in there
16:57Okay
16:58The big announcement though was the scrapping of the two child benefit cap
17:02That's why those eggs are going in as well
17:04Watch your fingers for that blender eh?
17:06Yep
17:08Now despite saying it wasn't a pick and mix some Labour MPs still had problems with it
17:11So it kind of was a bit of a pick and mix
17:13And all in all some commentators were right when they described the budget as a smorgasbord
17:19Mustard?
17:20Yep
17:22And the salmon
17:23Oh my
17:24Wow
17:25But it also contained a whole bunch of leeks
17:28So
17:29Oh my god no
17:30Mix all that up
17:31Serve it all up to Parliament and find out which one of us is going to have to drink it
17:43Oh go on
17:44Short straw
17:45Oh yes
17:47Yes
17:48There you go
17:53Hang on
17:54There's a bucket down there right
17:56Do you want a sweet brooker?
17:57Yeah I'll take one on
17:58Cheers mate
17:59You alright? How are you getting on?
18:00Oh
18:01I'm
18:02Do you want me to?
18:04Do you want me to?
18:05Do you want me to?
18:06You're doing the next bit
18:07Okay then
18:08Welcome tonight's guests
18:09Two Strictly winners
18:10And one comedy legend
18:11Please welcome
18:12Rose Hayley Ellis
18:13Chris McCawson
18:14And Adam Buxton
18:15Oh
18:16Oh
18:17Oh
18:18Oh that was a good one
18:32Oh gosh
18:33It's the second time this week you've made a bad smell in front of disabled people
18:38Ah right
18:39Welcome everyone
18:40Who would like to start with their thoughts on the budget?
18:43Rose
18:44Okay hello
18:45Um
18:46Yeah I was just thinking
18:47It's just so frustrating and annoying and everyone
18:51The government always say well we have to go through the tough time
18:54But it always seems to be disabled people going through the tough time
18:57Yeah
18:58But is it a tale at all as Tony Blair?
19:01Sorry?
19:02A tale at all as Tony Blair
19:05Adam thoughts?
19:07Um
19:08I mean I am known at home by my wife as the fiscal creep
19:12So it all seems quite familiar to me I'm happy that train fares aren't going up for the time being
19:21Yeah
19:22I think good tax those gamblers
19:23I approve of all that and I guess I like the freezing of the threshold because it puts off a problem for a while
19:37And I like to deal with things sometime in the nebulous future
19:43Can I just ask before we go any further can you all scooch up because Rose doesn't have a back to where she's sitting on the chair
19:47Oh no I need to bow backwards
19:49Which way this way?
19:50What is that?
19:51That's it perfect
19:52They're fancy
19:53No sorry to the left Chris
19:58This is the problem we have more than one disabled person on
20:01I can't hear Chris
20:04So you can't see Rose's signer, Rose can't hear so she's got a signer
20:09Yeah, how are you feeling Adam? A little bit outnumbered?
20:11She's deaf, he's blind, I'm stupid
20:15At least we're not a fiscal creep
20:19Chris, what are your thoughts on the budget?
20:20It's a tough gig innit?
20:22You're watching her doing that and honestly like it's
20:26I've done New Year's Eve gigs in Nottingham that were easier than that
20:31It's a tough gig but it's
20:33Do you know what? They're all the same
20:36All of them, it doesn't matter whether it's Labour or Tory
20:38It's all about
20:40Hiding the tax
20:42It's about spreading it out
20:44So that you don't realise how much you're being taxed
20:46Yeah
20:48Little bits here, little bits there
20:50I mean the bloody house thing now is just a hidden inheritance tax isn't it?
20:54Because you can defer it which means we can have more of your house when you die
20:58It's mad that you can give money to dogs for free
21:01But you can't give money to your own kids
21:04What products do you think should be taxed to
21:07Two people like that?
21:09What?
21:11Two people
21:15Nah, they were dog owners
21:17Don't we like dogs?
21:19We thought the blind man would like dogs, come on
21:22What products do you think should be taxed to affect the super rich? Go on
21:34Paddle
21:36Paddle?
21:38Oh, spicy
21:39There's only rich, a lot of rich people play paddle and it's so expensive to book a courtly day
21:45It is, you're right
21:47Is that 80 quid for one hour?
21:49Be nice if people played it and didn't post about it on social media
21:53Yeah
21:55I know obviously I can't play it but I assume you just get extra points for putting it on Instagram
21:59It wasn't for politicians though, would it? Because they're usually up Sheet Creek without one
22:04Please
22:08In more political news, Simon says, oh Simon says
22:12Is it okay for Starmer to lead children into the 6-7 dance while visiting a school?
22:17Yeah, so this week the Prime Minister inadvertently led a whole bunch of school kids in a brain rot trend
22:21Here is the butt clenchingly awkward footage he posted
22:27We're looking at page 6-7
22:296-7
22:316-7
22:336-7
22:35Are you doing page 6-7?
22:37We're not over that yet
22:38We're not over that
22:40Still very much a thing
22:42That's a bit wild
22:44For that lovely 6-7
22:46You know children get into trouble today at Natty Mass School
22:48Oh do they?
22:49So yeah, they're lovely children in here too
22:53Yeah, there we are
22:54Sorry about that
22:55No, no, it's absolutely fine
22:57It's fine
22:58I didn't start it miss
23:01They were okay with a 6-7, it was him writing Nigel is a wanker on the desk they didn't know
23:08Thank God it was Keir Starmer, if that had been Boris Johnson 6-7 would have been the number of kids he thinks he has
23:12Are you aware of the 6-7 trend?
23:17No
23:19My son told me about it, I asked him about it the other day, he's 21 years old
23:25He rolled his eyes at me and he looked very sad and he said, I was like when do you do it? What does it mean?
23:32And he said, oh God, you just say it like to wind people up like if an adult asks you a question you just say 6-7 and it can work for anything that you're asked at all
23:46And the more you talk about it, the more they think you look like an idiot
23:50But I've got to say, I think Keir Starmer actually looked alright from that clip
23:53Yeah
23:54And in fact, I think he needs to get involved in some more online trends
23:57For example, there's a trend in which you ask someone to recite an innocent list and then you pretend it's a list of things they've put up their bum
24:02This was unfair
24:04We did one for the show last week, we asked Josh what's in his bag
24:08And then we made it look like he was talking about, okay, this is what it looked like
24:11Things that Josh and I have stuck up our bums, me, nothing but Josh
24:17A book about the 90s, an inhaler, some pills, i.e. for headaches rather than getting off my face
24:26Um, an apple charger
24:29Because I just think the other ones they don't charge fast enough, let's be honest
24:33Paying the money is worth it
24:36And, um
24:38Uh, I've got a Pritt stick in there but I don't know how it got in there
24:42LAUGHTER
24:48Bullying! It's bullying!
24:50So, with apologies to the Prime Minister, we are doing this purely to make you look better on social media
24:56This is for Keir Starmer
24:58Things that I've put up my bum
25:00Me? Nothing
25:02Keir Starmer
25:03Bills
25:04Season tickets at Arsenal
25:05The whip
25:06Each and every Tory leaflet
25:09Can sanitiser
25:10Carpet somehow
25:11A guitar that was lent by my good friend John
25:14Fish
25:15An olive branch
25:16Bendy Bananas
25:17And, you know
25:19Taking out a chainsaw isn't quite my style
25:22My style
25:23Happy with that?
25:25APPLAUSE
25:30We'll have more live sleep for you after the break
25:32We'll look at the future of AIIs
25:34Plus, we want to know what should we tax that would only affect the super rich
25:38Message us via WhatsApp or on socials using the hashtag
25:41TaxTheSuperRich
25:42APPLAUSE
25:58Welcome back to Last Leg
25:59We're joined by Rose Aileen Ellis, Chris McCausland and Adam Buxton
26:02Chris has got an autobiography out
26:05It's called Keep Laughing
26:06I'm holding it up to the camera now Chris, just letting you know
26:08What was it like writing your autobiography?
26:11Do you know what? It was actually easier than I thought it was going to be
26:16It was aided by the fact that Penguin put it on sale
26:20And told me it was going to be out in seven months time
26:23And so I got cracking with it
26:26But like I think doing Strictly it was
26:28It opened me up in a way that like
26:31I think if I'd have written a year ago
26:32I just would have wrote all the funny stuff
26:33Yeah
26:35But I was able, once you've cried on the telly in front of 10 million people
26:38You feel a lot more open about your emotions
26:40And so I wrote all the funny stuff
26:42But then there was a little bit more depth to it than there would have otherwise been
26:47You know, and a little bit more letting people in that I wouldn't have done
26:50Because I'm a scouser who digs a hole and buries his shit in the hole and builds a car park on top of it usually
26:55So it starts right back at your birth, was it nostalgic?
26:58Yeah, I mean, when you're writing an autobiography, who starts as a baby? What's the point? You can't remember it, can you?
27:05But because I lost my sight from birth over 25 years, what I didn't want to do was be going all the way through the book
27:12And now this is what was happening with the deterioration of my sight
27:15So I thought I'll nail it all at the beginning and get it out of the way in a funny way at the beginning
27:19And then I can tell all the funny stories that happened about losing your sight and growing up and you know
27:25Playing in the streets in Liverpool and losing your sight over 25 years without having to get bogged down in it, you know
27:31And it was good, I loved writing it really, and all of the nostalgic stuff about being a kid
27:36And you know, the mayhem you get up to on the streets before we go to our computers
27:40And you know, the games we used to play, we used to put each other in a bin so that one of us got the mange
27:44Bin juice on them
27:47And then they'd have to chase you around the streets until they got until they could rub their bin juice on somebody else
27:52And then there'd be two of them, and then they'd
27:55You'd have to carry on until there was only one kid who didn't have the bin juice on him
27:59And um, oh, the laughter we had
28:04Well here's a question for you, did you record an audiobook version of it?
28:08So I did, I did, I did the audiobook
28:10It's mad, how does a blind guy read a book out loud?
28:14And I'll tell you, there's quite a lot of people in Penguin who are going to be having considerable therapy for quite some time
28:19Um, I did, I, so I, I do it where I, I listen to my own text in one ear
28:25And it was 122,000 words of this book
28:28And I'm listening to it while I'm performing it, you know
28:31Oh, wow
28:32And um, we, we'd start at like 10 in the morning and we booked in 10 till 5 but every day we'd get to half past three and my brain would be like porridge
28:40And we were like, yeah, should we just call it quits and then start again tomorrow
28:44But it, it sounds great and you wouldn't know that that's, that's the thing with disability sometimes is
28:49You have to take different routes to get somewhere and it can take twice as much work
28:52But if the product at the end is good, then it's worth all the effort, innit?
28:57Yeah
28:58And as you say, it's out now and um, it's Black Friday, it's on Amazon on a discount
29:03And it's, it's quite fat, innit? Adam, it wraps up well, you know
29:07If ever there's a day to buy a book by a blind guy, it's Black Friday
29:11LAUGHTER
29:14Uh, and look, you've just had a new show go to air on the BBC
29:16Yeah
29:17In which you demonstrated, I find this fascinating, you demonstrated how AI helps you get dressed
29:22Well, I mean, it makes it sound like I've got a robot going, come on, one legging
29:29I have, he's called Josh
29:33Are you on your phone, Josh?
29:35No, no, I was getting my phone out because we're doing this AI
29:37Oh, okay, yes, good point, good point, good point
29:39Sorry
29:41So, yeah, explain how this works, Chris
29:42So, like, a lot of people use AI for like, you know, creating images
29:46That's what you hear of being used for a lot, making videos and stuff
29:49I use it the other way round, I use it for interpreting images and videos
29:52And you can switch it on on the phone
29:55And ask it things like, you've got a person with you
29:57And ask it, like, does this, is this shirt clean?
30:00Does this need iron?
30:01So
30:02What t-shirt's this, you know?
30:03I've got it here, so I've got AI on my phone
30:06Yeah
30:07So I can, I'm looking at Brooker
30:08Yeah
30:09AI, can you help me with something?
30:11Yeah, absolutely
30:14I'm here to help
30:15If you want me to take a look at what someone's wearing
30:18Or just let you know something what's okay
30:20Just point it out
30:21What does this guy look like, who I'm looking at?
30:25Yeah, sure
30:26So the guy you're looking at has kind of a neat beard
30:29And a short haircut
30:30And he's wearing a casual jacket over a t-shirt
30:33He looks pretty relaxed, just kind of sitting there
30:35So, overall, kind of a casual and friendly look
30:38And what, what do you make of his hands?
30:41Yeah, so I do notice that he's got a prosthetic arm
30:46Or kind of a unique limb situation going on there
30:49A unique limb situation?
30:51I'll tell you what
30:52Thank you AI, you are one of the nicest people on earth
31:05Well
31:06I mean, I've never wanted to start a band
31:08But unique limb situation
31:15We'll be going on tour next year
31:17If nothing else mate, you've just had your autobiography name for you
31:20Unique limb situation
31:21I can't believe they programmed AI with awkwardness
31:25All right, let's cover some disability sport now
31:29Yvonne said
31:30Is it okay that deaf athletes have to self-fund?
31:32Yeah, so the Deaflympics wrapped up in Tokyo this week
31:34And for a whole bunch of reasons
31:35Very few people heard about it
31:37Japan won 51 medals
31:39There you go
31:40There it is
31:41There it is
31:42Japan won 51 medals
31:43GB took home 5 gold, 3 silver and 4 bronze
31:45And let's congratulate GB with a deaf round of applause
31:48Which is hands in the air, waggle your fingers
31:50This is a unique limb situation
31:55I always worry when I do this
31:56That deaf people think I'm doing it sarcastically
32:03Why do deaf people do this?
32:04Because it's visual
32:05But so is that
32:07That's visual
32:08I don't know why
32:09I asked that question
32:10You can still see people clapping their hands
32:11I know
32:12Oh, yeah, good point
32:13I don't know
32:14Don't ask me
32:17I think we should have more disabled people turning on each other
32:19What's the deal with fucking Australians with one leg as well?
32:22That's my...
32:23Look, for some reason the Deaf Olympics don't get anywhere near the attention that the Paralympics do
32:27Which is weird
32:28Because they started 24 years before the first Paralympic Games at Stoke Mandeville
32:33So why aren't they part of the Paralympics?
32:35Well, according to the International Deaf Sports Committee
32:38Many deaf people don't consider themselves disabled
32:40And some consider themselves to be part of a cultural and linguistic minority
32:44Now, I don't know if that's why
32:46But Rose, you sent a message to the Deaf Olympics GB team
32:50Were you disappointed they weren't covered on TV?
32:53Yeah, because I feel like at least
32:56It could be somewhere at 8 in the morning
32:58At least something
32:59Yeah
33:00But there's nothing out there
33:01So I am a bit disappointed
33:02But I know some people could say
33:04Well, there isn't enough people watching it
33:06But they all said the same thing about Paralympics
33:09And then look what the Paralympics done
33:11Yeah, exactly
33:12Exactly
33:13And the thing is, it's sad to miss out
33:14Because of those medals
33:16Seven of them were won by a girl who was 15 years old
33:20Who swam
33:21Wow
33:22And she won three of a gold medal
33:24And that would be such a sad opportunity to miss out
33:26And I'm sure everyone would love to watch stories like that
33:29Yeah, absolutely
33:30And look, you know, we're going to have more last league for you after the break
33:33But since we often celebrate the end of the Paralympics
33:35With a montage of some of the best moments of the games
33:37Tonight we thought we'd do the same for the Deaf Olympics
33:40So here it is
33:41We'll see you in a little bit
33:42APPLAUSE
34:03.
34:06MUSIC s
34:10La, la, la, la, la, la, la
34:14La, la, la, la, la, la, la
34:19Welcome back to Last Leg, we're joined by Rose Ailing Ellis, Chris McCausland and Adam Buxton.
34:35The drink I had earlier has hit my stomach and it's not happy about it at all.
34:39Let's move on though. Adam, you've got an album out.
34:42I do.
34:42I have it right here. Tell us about it.
34:44It's called Buckle Up.
34:46I mean it seems amazing and wrong that I have produced an album when there are so many talented musicians out in the world without record contracts but I have a podcast and I do jingles in the podcast that I make myself and there was someone at Decca Records who was a fan and she was like, you should do an album.
35:07You do great jingles. That's how they're making albums these days.
35:11You find people who can do jingles and they say, oh yeah, just do an album, it's the same.
35:17And it took me, I think they thought I would just do it in like three months, they could have it out for Christmas.
35:22It took me five years.
35:25So one thing Justin Hawkins from the Darkness start with an Ikea advert as well.
35:29There you go.
35:29So you never know, mate, you could be playing Glastonbury next.
35:32Oh yeah, all musical geniuses start with jingles I think and I worked with a guy called Joe Mount who is the frontman of the band Metronomy.
35:42Yep.
35:42And he produced the record and encouraged me to turn my, I'm going to say half-formed song ideas into actual, well, sort of adjacent, music adjacent songs.
35:53Did you have feedback along the way?
35:55Yes, I mean one of the first things I did was write a song called Pizza Time about my teenage son, the phase that he was going through which was basically just eating pizza and wearing like a bathrobe and acting like the dude in the Big Lebowski.
36:13Oh, awesome.
36:13And I wrote it and it was one of the first songs I'd written on a guitar and I thought, oh, this is cool, I think I've written kind of an important, brilliant song here.
36:22It was late at night and I'd had some wine and I had met Johnny Greenwood of Radiohead at a gig a few months before.
36:33I told him I was doing a record and he's like, you should send me some stuff, I'll give you some feedback any time.
36:39I think he was being polite, but I took him at his word.
36:42And I sent him my demo of Pizza Time, didn't hear back immediately.
36:50And in fact, it was two weeks before I got a reply and then it was, I don't know, it was, see what you think, this is some of the stuff he said.
36:57I think you're double tracking the main vocal, I sang it twice to try and beef up my very weak vocals.
37:03I'm not sure that helps, he says.
37:05Feels like you're trying to hide one voice behind the other same voice.
37:09There's no need.
37:13And then he says, lyrically, it feels a bit like you're in the uncanny valley between funny and sincere.
37:18I'm not sure anyone's ever made that work.
37:21LAUGHTER
37:22You're performing a song called Shorts at the end of the show, what was the inspiration for that?
37:40Yes. Well, as you can see, I like Shorts, even in the depth of winter.
37:46I was invited to the Riyadh...
37:48You've got Shorts on?
37:48I've got Shorts.
37:49How are you just finding this out?
37:51LAUGHTER
37:52Short Shorts and...
37:54How short?
37:55LAUGHTER
37:57Feel that knee, check out the knee.
37:59You're on the telly.
38:00Yeah.
38:02LAUGHTER
38:03I was going to go and do the Riyadh Comedy Festival
38:09and I was willing to overlook the human rights abuses.
38:12But when I found out you can't show your knees...
38:14LAUGHTER
38:15..that's where I draw the line.
38:20I'm not going out to that...
38:21You're going to sing Shorts at the end of the show.
38:23But right now we're going to bring on this week's mystery guest.
38:25So Chris, Rose and Adam have to work out how this person is connected to the news.
38:28Can we have this week's mystery guest, please?
38:30Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
38:33Mysterious guest.
38:35I want to get close to you.
38:38I want to get so close to you.
38:40Welcome. Josh, Alex, who is the mystery guest?
38:42Hey, this is Malcolm.
38:43Malcolm has been in the news this week, but why?
38:46Can we have the dramatic lighting change, please?
38:50Is it because A.
38:52His car fell in a sinkhole in the road and he couldn't get it out
38:55as the council put a fence around it for health and safety?
38:58B his car is stuck until January as he parked it in town overnight and a full
39:03Christmas market was built around it or C his car is stuck in a car park as his
39:09dog ate the key a week ago and he's still waiting for it to shit it out
39:14now Chris I mean visuals help oh yeah sorry so he's not Chris he's not wearing
39:21shorts and he has a standard limb situation oh dear I knew he was gonna
39:34come we will reveal the mystery guest after the break Adam Buxton's gonna close
39:41the show with a song about shorts we'll see you in a little bit
39:51welcome back to last leg we're joined by Rose Ailing Ellis Chris McCausland and Adam
40:02Buxton Logan messages to say reminded us to wish a happy 100th birthday to Dick Van Dyke
40:08today before the break we challenged our guests to work out how this person was
40:15connected to the news can we have the options again please yes this is Malcolm
40:19was he in the news because his car fell in the sinkhole in the road and he
40:24couldn't get it out so council had put a fence around it fail for safety was it
40:28because his car stuck until January as he parked it in town overnight and a full
40:31Christmas market was built around it or is it because his car is stuck in a car
40:35park as his dog ate the key a week ago and he's still waiting for it to shit it
40:38out um what do you think Rose I was thinking maybe the dog ate the key yeah that's
40:46insane isn't his B I think I don't think the key that don't get without we make the
40:50news and I think if it falls in a sinkhole you've got bigger problems than the
40:54fence how did you get into the hole in the first place when the defense already
41:00been built around it it's a sinkhole I think no no um if that was the right
41:08answer which is not they built put the fence around after the car gone in the
41:15hole and did it that dog hey how long they take to poo they can't take one week to
41:22poop that's what I've been eating you have steak you never know yeah also
41:27depends what kind of key only takes me three days to pass a car key
41:34so what do you think the answer is which one I would pick the Christmas market the
41:38Christmas market Chris oh the Christmas market yeah Adam I'm sticking with the
41:42key I like that I like the idea of the dog going oh okay so Malcolm was it a rover
41:51the answer my name's Malcolm and my car fell in a mineshaft
41:58oh
42:00none of the options
42:04we haven't thought to have to toss it to sink on my if we have a photo of the car in
42:14this yeah this is it oh yeah and there is also one with the fence to prove it that's
42:23the thing I mean I thought they were out of order giving it a parking ticket but it's
42:27so is there any chance that a Christmas market was erected around the sinkhole
42:32so what happened when you got up and you see do you just get up one day see your cars in the hole
42:38like what's the first thing you think because I'd think that someone's that's a prank but
42:43I didn't really know what to think I just walked out saw in a hole and had to wait for the police
42:47to turn up and close the area off make sure everything is safe
42:50so is it cut did you get the like did they get the car out like how house so the council
42:56wouldn't let me get the car out but the recovery company weren't told that by my insurance company
43:01and he let himself in and took it out anyway
43:08Malcolm thank you so much for coming on the show and a round of applause for Malcolm
43:12thank you Malcolm
43:18alright we asked you what we should tax to affect the super rich
43:22someone from Canada said flat whites with oat milk
43:25other suggestions included underfloor heating sleeveless gilets
43:31buying the telegraph not the paper the entire country
43:35let's see salmon pink trousers we said that one sleeveless gilets
43:39tax the posh instead of the rich
43:42anyone that still says mummy and daddy after they're 18 years old
43:46the sleeveless gilets is they still look long on me
43:50alright Adam Buxton is about to close the show with a song about shorts
43:55but before he does that would you please thank our guests
43:57Rose Ayling Ellis and her interpreter Toby
44:00Chris McCausland
44:04and Adam Buxton
44:07and my co-host Josh Whittacombe and Alex Brooker
44:11we'll be back next week with actor Guz Khan and comedian Amy Gledhill
44:16right now though this is Adam Buxton with his song Shorts
44:21thanks for watching The Last League my name's Adam Hills
44:23see you next week for The Next League
44:28oh I'm wearing shorts
44:31I wear them when the weather's warmer
44:35or for sports
44:38I like to feel the breeze
44:42on my shins and knees
44:44Shorts
44:46Shorts
44:47Shorts
44:48Shorts
44:49Shorts
44:50Not everybody likes my shorts
44:52Not everybody wants to see my middle aged man legs
44:56Shorts
44:59Shorts
45:01You're not a schoolboy now
45:03It's time you got yourself a pedal on trousers
45:07A pair of man pants
45:10Shorts
45:11Shorts
45:12But I'm wearing shorts
45:13Shorts
45:16Like summer holidaying people
45:18In resorts
45:20And I'll wear shorts whatever the season
45:24I just like shorts
45:25I don't need a reason
45:27Shorts
45:28Shorts
45:29Shorts
45:30Shorts
45:31Shorts
45:32Shorts
45:33Baby boy
45:34Teen boy
45:36Grown man boy
45:38Old boy
45:40Short boy
45:42Short boy
45:43Short boy
45:44I wear my shorts to the meeting
45:46I wear my shorts on a date
45:48I wear my shorts to the wedding
45:51I believe my shorts look great
45:54Cargo
45:55Shorts
45:56Hiking
45:57Shorts
45:58Cut off
45:59Shorts
46:00Biking shorts
46:01Bermuda
46:02Shorts
46:03Boyfriend
46:04Shorts
46:05Combat
46:06Jungle shorts
46:07I'm wearing shorts
46:08Shorts
46:09Shorts
46:10Shorts
46:11Shorts
46:12Shorts
46:13Shorts
46:14Shorts
46:16Shorts
46:17But they don't want them in the snooty horns
46:19Shorts
46:20Law courts
46:21Fancy restaurants
46:22Shorts
46:23Shorts
46:24Shorts
46:25Here's my dream
46:27Shorts
46:35Shorts
46:37Shorts
46:38Shorts
46:39Shorts
46:40Shorts
46:41Shorts
46:42Shorts
46:43Shorts
46:45Shorts
46:48Shorts
46:49You and me, living free, being who we want to be, wearing shorts eternally, legs, no legs, whatever your state, life's too long to wait to wear your shorts.
47:14Shorts.
47:21Shorts.
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