00:00So now in 2002, you went through a terrifying experience that left you
00:03temporarily blind in both eyes.
00:05Can you tell us about that?
00:08Yeah.
00:09It's hard to talk about.
00:10It was terrifying.
00:12Yeah, that's got to be.
00:13Yeah.
00:13So, and the thing is, is I wasn't open and honest with my fans about that
00:19cosmetic surgery.
00:20So I changed the color of my eyes to green.
00:24My mom has green eyes and I was obsessed with her fucking green eyes.
00:28I can't blame my mom for this, but she didn't give me green eyes.
00:33Thanks, mom.
00:35So yeah, I was so obsessed.
00:37I'd wear contacts, literally.
00:38I'd wake up, put contacts in before I left the house.
00:42And I just was like, everyone will think I have green eyes.
00:45Like this was happening back in high school, even like I wanted green eyes badly.
00:50As a dancer, I wore contacts.
00:53But before I got into online sex work, I did the cosmetic procedure.
00:57I changed my eye color.
00:58So I rocked it like those were my real eyes, right?
01:02So the surgery went well.
01:05And I'm really diligent with surgeries, like follow-up, aftercare.
01:09It's serious business.
01:10You are going under the knife.
01:12You're doing something like that.
01:14I understood the repercussions.
01:15I researched it for five years before I did it, the surgery.
01:19I didn't know that you could do a surgery that changed the color of your eyes.
01:21And it's not FDA cleared.
01:23But what I'm saying is I did research it the way is like I had a contact on Instagram and she had it done two years before me.
01:29And three years before that, I was looking into the procedure.
01:32I was following all these people with the same procedure.
01:35They had no complications.
01:36I get mine done, okay?
01:39I go back to Canada because I had it done in Mexico.
01:44And everything's fine.
01:46Like I go to the eye doctor.
01:47They're not happy with me.
01:48They're like, this is scary shit.
01:51And they're like, but we're not taking them out because you have 20-20 vision.
01:55Endothelial cells, they're totally fine.
01:57Everything's intact.
01:58No damage.
01:59We're good.
02:00We're going to watch you every three months.
02:02I was in the eye doctors every three months doing my follow-up.
02:06Six years go by.
02:08No complications.
02:09But two years before that, so four years into my procedure, the girl that I talked to had started having problems.
02:19The guy that I followed three years before that, he went blind.
02:24So I was panicking.
02:25So like even two years before my ordeal happened, I was begging Canadian eye doctors, please take these out of my eyes.
02:33Please.
02:34So were they implants then?
02:35Yes.
02:35Okay.
02:35It was like a silicone iris implant.
02:38Okay.
02:39And they do do the procedure medically for people born without iris color.
02:43So, but.
02:44Okay.
02:45That doesn't make it better.
02:48So yeah, so I start getting scared.
02:51I start asking for them removed.
02:53But Canadian doctors won't touch your eyes unless something's wrong.
02:57So they say, they tell me, you'll have to go back to Mexico to get them out.
03:01They said, but we don't advise that because if you do that, you're risking your sight.
03:05Yeah.
03:05So I'm scared to do, scared to not.
03:07It was a ticking time bomb in my eye.
03:10Yeah.
03:10I had so many panic attacks within those two years.
03:14Just one day, one day I wake up.
03:17I can't see out of my right eye.
03:20Blind.
03:21I can't see.
03:22I'm just like, this is it.
03:24Like, I knew it was coming too.
03:25So that's like the worst part about it.
03:29So my family pulls together.
03:32Like, it was only my right eye.
03:34See the doctor.
03:35The doctor's just like, this is a medical anomaly.
03:38Like, we don't know how this happened.
03:40Because usually eye conditions happen over like a small period of time.
03:44They do all these tests to be able to see things in advance.
03:48Those things literally took my sight in like 24 hours.
03:51So yeah.
03:52The right eye started to go.
03:53So we rushed me into surgery, got the right eye out.
03:56Then five days later, same thing happens.
04:00Left eye goes.
04:01Have to get it out.
04:01The surgery, because they did some stuff before the surgery to try to prevent things.
04:08But it ended up causing more complications.
04:09Like, they dilated my pupil.
04:11So when they go in to take out the implant, it's more risky.
04:14So yeah, I ended up with 70% vision loss in my right eye.
04:21But it wasn't a dark blindness.
04:22It's a cornea problem.
04:24So the implant ended up causing inflammation.
04:28It killed off all the endothelial cells.
04:31And those don't regenerate.
04:32So that's what cornea blindness is.
04:35It's like a fog.
04:36Like, I'd explain it like you're in a steam room.
04:39And you look out.
04:40It's just all just, you could see outlines.
04:42Yeah, so 70% lost in my right eye.
04:46And basically, 35% in my left.
04:50And thank God for Canada medical system.
04:55It really, like, went quickly.
04:58Because my case, like, I'm a young person.
05:02And my eye doctor presented my case at, like, a convention for all of eye doctors of Canada.
05:11And the leading cornea specialist, he contacted them right away and was like, I want to save her vision.
05:17And then contacted me.
05:19And I was in there for a cornea transplant two weeks later.
05:23But I had spent a year and a half with vision loss.
05:27Oh, my God.
05:28Yeah.
05:28Once the eye doctor reached out to me, he got me the transplants, what I needed.
05:33It's a cellular DMAC cornea transplant in both eyes.
05:37And he did that so quickly.
05:39But, yeah, I spent, like, a year and a half.
05:42Wow.
05:43So how did you, like, how did that affect your life?
05:47I mean, could you drive?
05:49No.
05:51Wow.
05:51Yeah.
05:54And did you, were you still, like, camming and doing, like, your, like, did you take a break from work?
06:02My God, that's terrifying.
06:04Yeah.
06:05What was your mindset at that time?
06:08I mean, a year and a half is a long time to think about and to be, and to fear lifetime of blindness.
06:15Mm-hmm.
06:15So what did you do?
06:21I tried to stay focused.
06:23Mm-hmm.
06:23Mm-hmm.
06:24I didn't tell even my good fans.
06:27I feel so bad.
06:29I didn't tell them what was going on.
06:33Were you able to, like, kind of fake that you could see okay?
06:37Yeah.
06:39But I wasn't filming.
06:40I was just pushing out old stuff.
06:42Mm-hmm.
06:43So then you went and you got your vision restored.
06:47Yes.
06:47What was that moment like?
06:48That must have been incredible.
06:50Oh, gosh.
06:50It was, well, because with eyes, you can only operate on one eye at a time.
06:55Okay.
06:56So it was, like, a movie experience.
06:59All I can explain it is, like, with this DMAC cornea transplant, it's so amazing how far medical has come.
07:07They take the cellular level of somebody's donor tissue, slip it in, like, replacing my endothelial cells that shouldn't have been rejuvenated, and put an air pocket in there so that it pushes up against the eye because the cornea is round.
07:22Mm-hmm.
07:22I lay flat for 24 hours with a bandage over my face.
07:26I take it off, and, like, Holly, I'm just, like, the moment of, you picture in a movie, you open up, and it's crystal clear.
07:34Wow.
07:35Yeah.
07:36So this eye got repaired first, my right eye, and then my left eye, but getting that hope, so then when I had my left eye done, I was just, like, yes, like, and it went just as well.
07:47Wow.
07:48Lucky girl syndrome.
07:49So I was just, like, new lease on life.
07:53Yeah.
07:54Yeah.
07:54That, you know, those moments of, like, fear and those awful experiences often have that silver lining of it makes us appreciate, like, what we have and, like, that gratitude, and I think that that's something that's, like, so important.
08:09Mm-hmm.
08:09So do you look at your brown eyes now and think, like, they're beautiful?
08:13I love them.
08:14Mm-hmm.
08:16That's, like, I don't know.
08:20I just, like, I haven't even gone there yet, actually.
08:22But how long ago did you get your vision back?
08:25Because you lost it in 2022, so this is recent.
08:27Yeah.
08:28So, and time flies, right?
08:30And, like, well, through the dark points, like, I had ECT because my depression got so bad.
08:38So, like, my memory's not too good.
08:40Yeah.
08:40Like, with stuff, and especially with time.
08:44But I've been 20-20 vision and in the clear with stable vision for a year and three months.
08:52Wow.
08:53Yeah.
08:53That's incredible.
08:55Do you still wake up every morning and, like, can't believe it?
08:58No, I'm not there yet.
08:59Like, the mornings are the worst part for me because, like, there's so much trauma that it's still, like, I am scared to death every day to open my eyes.
09:08Yeah.
09:08Yeah.
09:09So I'm like, and then I trust, like, I have to put in drops now for the rest of my life.
09:14But so it's, like, a whole routine.
09:17So the morning's, like, waking up.
09:19I go through, like, a roller coaster.
09:21Terrified.
09:22Yeah.
09:22Okay, confirm I can see still.
09:24Yeah, yeah, yeah.
09:24Take the drops and get on with life and be super grateful.
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