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01:00My show isn't over yet.
01:04There.
01:05Your turn.
01:06Oh, finally.
01:07Oh, it's my turn.
01:09I want to watch the weather.
01:10Then look out the window, Pop.
01:11The long-range weather forecast, clever cogs.
01:15Like you need it.
01:16You're ready.
01:18In our house, you had to book your TV slot weeks in advance.
01:21Casablanca's playing on the Great Money movie in two weeks' time.
01:276 p.m. sharp.
01:29No talking, no telephone calls.
01:32Let's all do our part to make this happen, hey?
01:36And now for our long-range forecast.
01:38Tuesday, fog.
01:40Wednesday, fog.
01:41Thursday, foggy.
01:43Friday, fog with a chance of rain.
01:45This is not entertaining.
01:47Breaking news.
01:48VOCM's own Mike Critch has won the Edward R. Murrow Award for ethics in broadcasting.
01:54Way to go, Dad.
01:56Mike, I'm so proud.
01:57It's no big deal.
01:58Any cash with it?
01:59No, but they're having a fancy award night with a steak dinner and everything.
02:03A night out?
02:04What do I wear?
02:05Oh, that's wonderful.
02:07Your award, I mean.
02:08I never missed an award show.
02:12The Oscars, the Tonys, the Marks.
02:16Wow, best person.
02:23I'm humbled.
02:25First off, this doesn't mean I'm better than anyone here tonight.
02:29It just says it right here on the award.
02:34I want to thank all the little people, the kindergartners, but mostly Fox.
02:45Mom, you're right in front of the television.
02:50What's wrong with you?
02:52Sorry.
02:53Well, great money movies coming on.
02:55Pipe down.
02:57Mary, hold my calls, would you?
02:58Yeah.
02:58I got on the bus just when my father was coming on the radio.
03:11And now, the VOCM news with Mike Krench.
03:15Who?
03:16Is that the baby's daddy?
03:19VOCM.
03:20Voice of the Child's Man.
03:24What?
03:24This just in, Crime Spree and Coleman's.
03:27Late last night, early this morning, police were called to Coleman's supermarket.
03:31A male suspect allegedly have scotted with steaks and cheddar,
03:34hotting them down the front of his pants.
03:37Police gave chase, apprehending the man as he urinated against the fence,
03:41exposing his meats and cheeses.
03:43The suspect is scheduled for bail hearing in provincial court
03:46when we will learn the name of the beef bandit.
03:49Mike Krench for the award-winning VOCM News.
03:54The kids loved to make fun of Dad.
04:04The only way to beat him was to join him.
04:09Oh, whoa.
04:11Oh, don't catch me.
04:12Oh, don't look at my meats and cheeses.
04:15Sit down, dumbass.
04:17Whoa, I was just making fun of my dad.
04:20You mean my dad.
04:22Your dad?
04:24Shut up.
04:25Whenever he finds out my life is over,
04:28he put meat down his pants.
04:32It's not that bad.
04:33Okay, it's bad.
04:39But no one's gonna know it's him.
04:41When he has his court date,
04:42your dad is gonna broadcast his name
04:44and the whole bus will know.
04:47I'll ask him not to.
04:48He won't run out of your dad.
04:50Trust me, he's an award-winning man of ethics.
04:55I promise.
04:55Yeah, I got a thing.
05:01Go ahead, Oscar Buck.
05:03Sure.
05:04Lindsay and Oscar.
05:06Can you work for the chief?
05:10Dick, would you, I don't know,
05:13eat meat that had been down a man's pants?
05:15Depends on the type.
05:17Hmm.
05:18Ground?
05:20Frignal.
05:22Stripline?
05:23Friggin' right.
05:25That's an expensive cut.
05:29What if it had been down the back of his pants?
05:35I'll stand by my answer.
05:36Bye now.
05:37Good man.
05:38More breaking news, boys.
05:40Police in Newfoundland are finally going to be issued guns.
05:44Because a buddy with the cheese in his pants?
05:45Hey, hey, this is two big scoops in a day.
05:48Good work, Dad.
05:50I know.
05:51I know.
05:51I know.
05:51I know.
05:51I know.
05:51I know.
05:53Don't more guns mean more danger?
05:58Not at all.
05:59The guns will be kept under lock and key.
06:04I had the keys here a minute ago.
06:07Oh, he wouldn't know his arse from his elbow.
06:09For CJQN News, I'm...
06:11What's this then?
06:13Hmm?
06:13This.
06:14Oh, yeah.
06:16Didn't I mention it?
06:17Yeah, I got cable.
06:19We can't afford cable.
06:20Oh, relax.
06:22I'm paying for it.
06:23Oh.
06:23Well, just pipe down.
06:25Now, this film has partial nudity.
06:29And I want to see which part.
06:31You know, if you're throwing money around, we have bills.
06:34Up next on Movie Max, Sylvester Stallone as Rambo in First Blood.
06:43Sylvester Stallone.
06:45This time, he's fighting for his life.
06:49First Blood.
06:53Well, I suppose we don't need to get rid of the cable right this second, now, do we?
06:58I need to use the washroom.
07:03Teacher's pee?
07:04Gross.
07:05Continue with your math assignments at Merck.
07:08If anyone makes any noise, write their name on the board.
07:13Of course she chose the son of the most ethical man in town.
07:21Hey, cut it out.
07:23I'll allow it.
07:25Critches ain't snitches.
07:26Critches aren't snitches, right?
07:56You wouldn't dare.
08:01It doesn't have to be this way.
08:03Just stop talking.
08:05Sit down, loser.
08:07Hey, she just talked.
08:08Write her name down.
08:10What the heck?
08:11Don't make me do this.
08:13Come on, you love jokes.
08:15Hey, is that a ribeye in your pocket?
08:17Or are you just happy to see me?
08:18Shut up!
08:19Fox talked!
08:21I bet it's because she's a girl.
08:22Oh, okay.
08:23Not fair.
08:29It was like a fever dream.
08:32What are you doing there?
08:33Something came over me, and before I knew what I was doing...
08:36Well, that's a first.
08:38Mark the Nerk, is it?
08:42Busted for busting.
08:43Hey, Mike.
08:47What do you think there's that copy?
08:50This is Dick Dunphy.
08:51I'll be broadcasting live this afternoon from Coleman's Supermarket, where the deals are practically
08:57criminal.
08:58I'll be giving out as many packs of Kraft singles and hot dogs as you can fit in your pants.
09:04Make up like a bandit at Coleman's.
09:10This is why you're the master?
09:12Hmm.
09:13Hey, Dad, you should do an update on the beef bandit.
09:16I mean, he's the hottest story in town right now.
09:18Nothing new to report until we get a name.
09:21BELL RINGS
09:21BOCM Newsroom, Mike Rich speaking.
09:26Mike, it's me.
09:27Oh, hello, Officer Butt.
09:30Wondering if you heard anything about a last gun.
09:35You lost your gun?
09:36No, no.
09:38Why, did anyone say they found one?
09:41You know I have a duty to report this.
09:44Well, not if you want any more hot tips like the one I gave you about the steak and cheese
09:47bandit.
09:49Use me job, Mike.
09:51Who's that a tip?
09:57You get a name?
09:59No.
10:00It's nothing.
10:09How many is it going?
10:1120.
10:12Oh, this thing's some hot.
10:23We should call Cable Atlantic.
10:25No.
10:26No.
10:27We won't be doing that.
10:28You see, the cable company doesn't technically know we've got cable.
10:33No, it's a de-scrambler.
10:35You bloody shagger, this is illegal.
10:38Mike is liable to just turn himself in.
10:41Fine.
10:42Say goodbye to Rambo too then.
10:44No.
10:50Keep it between ourselves for now.
10:51The beaver.
10:54How interesting.
10:57Dad, can I talk to you about the beef bandit?
10:59I don't know who he is.
11:00You're going to wait until tomorrow like everyone else.
11:02I already know who it is, Dad.
11:05The beef bandit is Fox's dad.
11:07Fox's father is a thief.
11:09Merck the narc strikes again.
11:11You can't say anything.
11:12It'll ruin Fox's life.
11:14And she will end mine.
11:16It's going to come out whether I report it or not.
11:19You're the one who the kids listen to on the bus.
11:21I promised her you wouldn't.
11:24Please.
11:24For me.
11:26Look, it's not personal.
11:28Not personal?
11:29I'm your son.
11:31If I make an exception for family, then I'm no better than he is.
11:34Right, Mary?
11:35Couldn't agree more.
11:36Spot on, son.
11:38We've got to get rid of that discrambler.
11:42Just as soon as Rambo comes out of the jungle.
11:44Yes.
11:50Oh.
11:55Hello, Fox.
11:56I didn't realize the time.
11:58We were just finishing up some homework.
12:00Sorry, I didn't know you were about to eat.
12:03But I did.
12:04Dad could say no to me,
12:06but could he say no to the face of the poor girl
12:08he was about to send to the orphanage?
12:10Or at least her mom's house?
12:12Go on.
12:13You sit down.
12:14Hmm?
12:15Uh, uh, yeah, no.
12:17Uh, that's my seat.
12:18But the seat next to Dad's open, though.
12:20There you go, dear.
12:29Ah, there's nothing like a meal with your family.
12:34Uh, I hear you're getting some big award.
12:38Oh, it's nothing.
12:39Did you know he broke the beef bandit story, too?
12:42Uh-uh.
12:43That's quite a story.
12:45Apparently, this fella sticks the goods down his trousers.
12:49And then...
12:51Then he's got to pee.
12:52Ha!
12:53Imagine the pressure!
12:54Ha!
12:55Ha!
12:55Imagine.
12:56I was living it.
12:58People putting pork down their pants.
13:01Perverts.
13:01Well, doesn't the Bible say you can steal to feed your family?
13:05Adverbs 630?
13:06How about Thou Shalt Not Steal?
13:08You familiar with that one?
13:10No offense, Fox.
13:13Oh, my God, Mark!
13:16What?
13:18Oh, she's making a getaway.
13:21Check her pants for cheddar on the way out.
13:23Pop!
13:24Fox, please.
13:26I was just trying to help.
13:27I knew I shouldn't have trusted you.
13:29He's gonna tell everyone.
13:31He says he has no choice.
13:34I expect my dad to let me down.
13:35But you?
13:37You're just like everyone else.
13:39No.
13:40No, no, wait.
13:54What a freak do you want?
13:56This may seem strange, but...
13:58I want to know why you did it.
14:01What difference does it make?
14:04Was it to eat?
14:05Look, I'm not an animal.
14:07I don't eat nothing that touches my privates.
14:10I shoplifts meats and cheeses and sells them to the pizza joint.
14:16But why?
14:17You ever worry about how you're gonna feed your kids, Mike?
14:24Some newsman you are.
14:26You don't know nothing about the real world.
14:32Anything you want to say?
14:33Nothing that's fit to put on the radio.
14:35Oh.
14:38Look, I'm not a bad guy, Mike.
14:40I just...
14:41I never had a chance.
14:48You let me know if you need any meats and cheeses when I get out of here.
14:52I know's a guy.
14:53I saw your advertisement on the television, and I would like to enter your contest.
15:05Well, yes, I am a cable subscriber.
15:08That's right.
15:11303, Ken Mountain Road.
15:12It's a trap.
15:13It's a trap.
15:15For freak's sake, I'm trying to win us a new TV.
15:18The cable company said they're giving one away to anyone who has a movie channel.
15:21It's a trap to catch people with these scramblers.
15:24Wait.
15:26You have got us headed to the big house.
15:30I think they've got cable.
15:32Oh.
15:43You're here late.
15:45Oh, yeah.
15:46I'm just working on my speech for the awards banquet.
15:50Having a bit of trouble with her.
15:51What?
15:53The awards for ethics, isn't it?
15:55That's your whole shtick.
15:58Hey, come on.
15:58Just say what you always told us growing up.
16:00There's the right way and the wrong way.
16:03It's either a truth or a lie.
16:05It's good guys versus bad guys.
16:09You know, all that crap.
16:13Hey, come on.
16:14You got this.
16:16Dad won a major prize, but to him, the greatest prize of all was the free meal.
16:42Uh, just to be sure, there's no charge for this at all, right?
16:45Yes, sir.
16:46No charge.
16:47Although, tips are appreciated.
16:49No, thank you.
16:51But food reminded me of someone.
16:54Something wrong with your steak?
16:55What if it's stolen?
16:57I wouldn't want to be an accomplice to a meat crime.
16:59You and me names.
17:00Enough.
17:01This is a special night.
17:02You gonna finish that?
17:04What?
17:04You know, I think the boy's got a good point.
17:06I mean, how do I know this steak hasn't been down somebody's trousers?
17:11Freshly grated Parmesan?
17:13Yes, please.
17:15Hmm?
17:16Oh, Lord, the pigs.
17:18We walked straight into the lion's den.
17:21Why did you let me make that call?
17:24Did you hear that the Kirklands, they got nabbed for that head?
17:27So, are you gonna eat that?
17:29What?
17:29The steak.
17:30You gonna finish the...
17:31No.
17:32I've lost my appetite.
17:39No matter how embarrassed Fox was of her dad,
17:42I still couldn't help being proud of mine.
17:52Still mad at me?
17:54No.
17:55I understand.
17:57It's not personal.
17:58I mean, you wouldn't be winning an award for ethics if you took a dive for your own son now, would you?
18:03Attention, folks.
18:04And the Edward R. Murrow Award for Ethics in Broadcasting
18:09goes to a man whom we in the force trust.
18:14Ladies and gentlemen,
18:16VOCM's Mike Critch.
18:35I'm particularly honored to accept this award for ethics because as I always tell my boys,
18:37doing the right thing isn't always easy.
18:47Life isn't black and white.
18:50It's mostly gray, and the grayer I get, the more I can see that.
18:57There's no good guys and bad guys, just people trying their best to get by.
19:07Sometimes, when you set out to do the right thing, you end up doing more harm than good.
19:14So, try and err on the side of kindness.
19:19That's something I learned from my son.
19:23And that's who I'd like to thank most tonight is my family.
19:28Thank you for showing me that it's never too late to do the right thing.
19:32Oh, Jesus, he knows.
19:33Thank you, and good night.
19:39All right, let's have this out. It's gone. Nobody need know.
19:44How did you find out?
19:47Everybody knows about them.
19:49About the guns?
19:51Guns? No. I'm talking about my de-scrambler.
19:55Guns, what are you talking about?
19:57Let's pretend this conversation never happened.
20:00Oh.
20:01What conversation?
20:03Don't touch my dessert.
20:06Sometimes, you just have to depend on your heart to tell you what's right.
20:18Alone around wiping mail? Feeling exotic?
20:20Give that to me, narc.
20:22We all know we should strive to do the right thing.
20:28Admit when you're wrong.
20:30Geez, not again.
20:32Don't steal.
20:36And always tell the truth.
20:45But life isn't black and white.
20:47Sometimes, in those shades of grey, we end up doing the wrong thing for the right reasons.
20:53For family?
20:57For family?
21:02Breaking news.
21:03A member of the constabulary has reported his newly acquired gun has gone missing.
21:07Sources say this is not the first time the officer's weapon has been misplaced.
21:11Also, the beef bandit has been arraigned.
21:14And now the weather.
21:16Looks like a good day out there.
21:18Sunny with a high five degrees.
21:20Stop!
21:21Or I'll say stop again.
21:22My finger is loaded.
21:24You're a total dork, you know that, right?
21:27Mm-hmm.
21:28And the best reason of all, for love.
21:33It's a beaut, Dad.
21:34You deserve it.
21:35Jesus Murphy, pipe down!
21:37We can hardly hear the TV.
21:40Crime Stoppers is seeking assistance for the following crime.
21:44A rifle is missing from a vehicle.
21:48No fault of the vehicle's owner.
21:51We assume a roving band of gun thieves has run amok,
21:55and scunding with weapons hither.
21:58For your sake!
21:59Oh, it's Dad's award.
22:00The medal's friggin' up the reception.
22:01Oh, get it off!
22:02And where do you suggest I put it?
22:04Why don't you put it up, you jump!
22:06Bob!
22:07They can't stay in the same room anymore, Mike.
22:08Just let him say it!
22:09Let him say it!
22:10We're supposed to be a family!
22:12You know what?
22:13Put it off there!
22:14We're destroying the program!
22:16You still ought to know, I see it!
22:25Oh, God!
22:26Boom!
22:27Oh wow!
22:28You'll see your parents, I see it!
22:29Oh, God!
22:30He did it!
22:31Oh, God!
22:32The way you gave the coin to a real life!
22:34Oh, God!
22:35Oh, God!
22:36Yeah!
22:37Oh, God!
22:38What?
22:39Kevin, I?
22:40Oh!
22:41Oh!
22:42Oh, God!
22:43Oh, God!
22:44Oh, God!
22:45Oh, God!
22:46Oh, God!
22:47Oh, God!
22:48Oh, God!
22:49Oh, God!
22:50Oh, God!
22:51I can't wait!
22:52Oh, God!
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