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00:00If I was married to you, I'd cheat on you too.
00:03We are talking to her.
00:05This is making me feel very f***ing uncomfortable.
00:07I think I saw your uterus.
00:10Don't be scared you're going to end up like me, okay?
00:12Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
00:16This season on The Valley.
00:18My titties won't be here for long.
00:19Last little piece of jack's gone.
00:22You have to worry about them swill from my titties.
00:25Get it! Oh no!
00:27Come on, baby.
00:27Wow, look at you guys, building bars and then making them go out of business.
00:34I love you.
00:36Check, please.
00:38Who's going to kiss? Schwartz and Michelle?
00:41We could have a threesome tonight.
00:43Hold on, you're not officially divorced yet?
00:45Divorce me, please!
00:47Do it for me! I'm performative!
00:50She's performative?
00:53It's not allowed to be hard for both of us.
00:54It's only allowed to be hard for you.
00:56Because I don't f*** you?
00:58You're not the only one going through this.
01:00I feel like if you're really critical, it's really hard for me to function.
01:02No, it's fine.
01:03I feel very out of control.
01:04I f***ing hate it.
01:05It's a lot for me.
01:07I don't believe I'm going to lose you guys over this s***.
01:10You're going to blow Jesse over me.
01:11You're going to blow any of these motherf***ers over me.
01:13I'm so happy that we can be together and have a dream.
01:17Very emotionally mature.
01:18You, f*** you!
01:19Oh, I lost the shoe.
01:21F*** you!
01:21He's a real Polly pocket-sized problem.
01:23F*** you!
01:25F*** everyone!
01:26I'm all right!
01:29I'm all right!
01:33Everything is all right!
01:36Everything is all right!
01:39I'm all right!
01:59What do you want to wear?
02:03Hold on, we've got to brush your teeth.
02:05Do you want to wear this?
02:07Dinosaurs!
02:08Just like our bedroom.
02:09It is a brand new year and a brand new me.
02:12Things are so much better than the last time that you saw me.
02:15You're going to let go, little shark.
02:18I mean, I'm really damn proud of myself.
02:21I am paying for everything.
02:23I'm doing everything physically.
02:24I'm there for my son every single day.
02:25You want an oatmeal bar?
02:27Yummy!
02:33It's not always easy.
02:35Jax and I are still not divorced.
02:38He still hasn't sent in all the paperwork.
02:40But I'm hoping within, like, six weeks, it will happen.
02:44We got to go bye-bye!
02:46No, Cruz!
02:47No, this way!
02:48I'm finally putting myself first.
02:50I'm happy, and it's about damn time.
02:54Oh, my goodness.
02:56Everything was sunshine.
02:58Good times, but the blood blue skies.
03:01Hey, Cups, for you for a day, Jesus.
03:03Honey, I'm home.
03:05Why is there hair in this?
03:07I'm still in West Hollywood.
03:08I still haven't made the jump to the valley, and I don't think I ever will.
03:12I like your haircut.
03:13Thanks.
03:14That's cute.
03:14It's my K-pop era.
03:16The great part is my roommate's moving out, and Benji is soft moving in.
03:22I do need to do my GLP-1.
03:24I don't have to lie about how I lose weight.
03:26But he's so small.
03:27He doesn't take up much room.
03:28It's basically like I get triple the closet space because I'm dating Benji.
03:32Don't rub off too much of my spray tan.
03:35And I'm skinny again.
03:37Yay!
03:43Don't we have a step line?
03:44We do, but I'm just being difficult.
03:47I think it's the other way.
03:48There we go.
03:48Melissa and I are still living together.
03:50We moved into a new place in Sherman Oaks.
03:52I can't believe that I'm living in the valley.
03:54Like, we're actually getting married.
03:56I love it.
03:56I'm excited.
03:57I still have our tracker of things to do.
03:59We're supposed to have a lot more done at this point.
04:02I know.
04:02I'm a little laid back, bride, okay?
04:04I would say I'm just kind of go with the flow.
04:07I'm about to get married.
04:09I know.
04:10It's so wild.
04:10It's going to be black tie.
04:11No kids.
04:12There's going to be sushi.
04:13There's going to be like a carving station.
04:14They have this whole beautiful, it's simple, pretty.
04:17I don't want anybody rolling up there with a hot pink dress.
04:19I will literally stop the wedding and escort you out.
04:23You're super laid back about it.
04:24Yeah.
04:25I am laid back.
04:27Jesse wants to marry us.
04:29He wants to be our officiates.
04:30Yes!
04:32Everything's sunshine, good times, nothing's up to the skies.
04:38Before Dot comes, let's sage the house.
04:41Good energy.
04:42Get all the bad vibes.
04:43Oh, sorry.
04:44Come on.
04:45I have my own place again, and I'm like truly, truly single.
04:49Erin and I didn't work out.
04:51Have you ever been broken up with before?
04:53Actually, it's the first time anyone has ever broken up with me.
04:56I usually do the breaking up.
04:59Good vibes only.
05:05Hi, honey bunny.
05:08Wait.
05:09Okay, come.
05:09She has a lot of energy.
05:11Apparently.
05:12Jesse and I split Isabella.
05:14We switch weekends.
05:15When will the divorce be finalized?
05:17I wish it was finalized two years ago when I first asked for a divorce.
05:21But he just always has an excuse of why he can't sign the paperwork.
05:26Let's do it, you two.
05:28All right.
05:28Ready?
05:31Michelle, for some reason, thinks everything I do is strategic.
05:35Trust me, I want to get divorced.
05:37It just hasn't happened yet.
05:38Simple.
05:39You're cheating.
05:40I'm not cheating.
05:41So easy.
05:42Moving on up, moving on up, moving on up right now.
05:50I love you, Santa Clarita!
05:53Santa Clarita!
05:54Santa Clarita!
05:57Who's mountain's that?
05:59Is that Bucco Mountain?
06:00Mm-hmm.
06:00Santa Clarita is heaven.
06:02It's our mountain.
06:04There's a smile.
06:06Lord have mercy.
06:07We got a new baby.
06:08Baby Adelaide, our number four.
06:11Hi, happy girl.
06:13We've taken the deep dive off into, like, the middle of nowhere.
06:16I almost had a baby in the car, thanks to the Santa Clarita move.
06:19It took an hour to get to the hospital because we were so far away from our L.A. hospital.
06:24I do miss being closer to everything.
06:28Hey, baby girls.
06:29Hello.
06:30Yay.
06:31Yay.
06:32Yay.
06:40Do you want a bottle?
06:42Try this.
06:43Not feeling it?
06:44You don't know what you want.
06:46We don't know either.
06:47Luke and I are still engaged.
06:49And I've had a whole baby.
06:52She's exactly what I manifested.
06:54Blonde hair, blue eyes, looks nothing like me.
06:56My genetics did not try.
06:58There we go.
07:00You think the blowouts are because she's laying down or because the diaper's too small?
07:03There'll be, like, nothing in the front and all the way up her back.
07:06The biggest change in me since Kaya, I'm way less grossed out by poop than I used to be.
07:12That's a good thing, I guess.
07:13Is it a good thing to be more comfortable with feces on your hands?
07:17Do you feel well-rested?
07:19How are you feeling otherwise?
07:20I don't know.
07:20It's like I told you the other day.
07:21I'm really good at being her mom.
07:22I just don't know how to be anything else.
07:24I just don't know how to be, like, a woman.
07:28You know what I mean?
07:29I think...
07:30Not being the best partner.
07:31If we get a good nanny, everything else will, like, ease up.
07:36Kaya is our whole world.
07:39We don't have time for anything else.
07:41We don't have time for ourselves, and we definitely don't have time for each other.
07:45One of us has been with her every minute of every day so far.
07:48I know you feel like we don't have a relationship.
07:50I didn't say that.
07:51There's definitely certain areas that are lacking that maybe weren't a year ago.
07:56I miss having sex.
07:57Like, I love Kristen.
07:59She's smoking hot.
08:00Like, come on.
08:01Lay it on me.
08:02I'm going to try harder with all that normalcy.
08:06It just takes time.
08:08Yeah.
08:08Baby steps to get back to feeling like yourself.
08:12Because I don't know.
08:12It's the first time I've done this, too.
08:14Yeah.
08:15Yeah.
08:15But we have this sip and see coming up.
08:18So...
08:18Yeah.
08:19That'll be a little different.
08:20You know, it's like the whole point is hard, but it's overwhelming for me.
08:24Mia and I are throwing a sip and see together because our girls are only six days apart.
08:29But I'm still so incredibly overwhelmed.
08:33I mean, like, I haven't really left the house more than once since I had a baby.
08:41She's sleeping.
08:51I need to get Kristen a gift.
08:53What about this?
08:53How cute is that?
08:55Kristen would love the dogs, wouldn't she?
08:57I feel like this tie-dye one's cute, too.
08:58I feel like I could see her in that.
09:00I love a beige.
09:01Yeah.
09:01I love a babe in beige.
09:02I've known Kristen for a long time.
09:06She and I definitely have gone toes.
09:09I'm the one person, babe, you don't want to go there with.
09:13I'm really scared.
09:15Sit the down.
09:17But she fights hard.
09:19She loves hard.
09:20She's very much my type of chick.
09:23Is it awkward that I'm, like, having you help me?
09:25No.
09:25I love all babies.
09:26So, like, I want you to get them something cute.
09:29And I'm honestly glad that I wasn't invited and put in the position where I have to not go.
09:34Yeah.
09:35Last summer was a good lesson for me.
09:37I feel like she wants to stir the pot.
09:40If your husband's going to a public bar getting blacked out and making women uncomfortable, it's going to get talked
09:45about.
09:45I said out loud, yes, that he sexually assaulted Jasmine.
09:49Hi.
09:49I'll throw off the ****.
09:51It's been important to me to get in therapy, to work on myself, reflect on how I can be better
09:56and not have so much pain and drama in the group.
10:00Nia blocked me on everything.
10:01She's made it pretty clear, like, she wants me to shut my mouth and, like, move on.
10:06So I also feel like Nia would rather paint me as a liar when she knows I'm not than to
10:11recognize the truth about what's happening with her husband.
10:13Do you think you could say, I'm sorry that I went in so hard.
10:16It was not my place.
10:20I mean, the only people coming to the Sip and See are, like, very close friends.
10:23It's not a ton of people.
10:25Like, Janet, Jason, there's been no communication whatsoever.
10:27Which, I mean, like, how can a friendship, like, repair when there's zero communication over the course of a year?
10:32Nope.
10:32She is **** on too many of my friends.
10:34Yeah.
10:35She kind of just doesn't exist to me.
10:37The only time I've seen her for even a millisecond in the last year.
10:43Has been at Brittany's house.
10:46That interaction at Brittany's was not great.
10:48So I was like, it went from, oh, Kristen has a baby on her boob to, oh, Kristen has a
10:52baby on her boob.
10:53Get me out of here as quick as I can.
10:55Brittany had a pool party that she was going to invite all the kids over for.
10:59And like, okay, if Kristen's there, she's probably going to have a newborn with her.
11:02She's going to be sticking inside in the air conditioning.
11:04We'll get there.
11:05We'll change.
11:06We'll go in the pool.
11:06It probably won't even be that big of an issue.
11:08Brittany told me that Janet was 99% not going to come, especially if she knew I was going to
11:14be there.
11:15She was probably going to cancel and I shouldn't even worry about it.
11:18And next thing I know, Janet shows up.
11:21Kristen's, Brittany, why is she here?
11:23She doesn't deserve to be here.
11:25Took me a second to be like, oh, is she talking about me?
11:28Not doing it today.
11:29Not for my kid.
11:30No.
11:30My entire being told me like, just leave.
11:33Get out of here.
11:33So I just scooped Cam, grabbed our bag and turned around and walked away.
11:37Good.
11:38I love that for you.
11:39Did Brittany step in when that happened or no?
11:41She didn't say anything.
11:42And then afterwards I was like, I texted her and I was just like, what the f***?
11:46Like, you invite me over with my kid and then that happens.
11:50You can't say like, hey, stop it.
11:53We're talking about friendships that have been decades long.
11:57Of course, when you have history with someone, there's going to be good s*** and bad s***.
12:02Let's focus on the good s***.
12:04It's a tough situation.
12:05I want peace, but I don't want to stir stuff up and then have it be a big dramatic thing.
12:11Yeah.
12:11I'm trying to have fun.
12:12Totally.
12:12I've been chilling for two years, playing mom, covered in spit up, and I want everyone to get along.
12:19Congratulations on your baby.
12:21Where'd he at with Janet?
12:22Do you remember her?
12:25Coming up.
12:26He wants to have sex all the time.
12:27I also hate my body right now.
12:29She shuts down every advance.
12:30At what point do you stop trying?
12:32That kind of thing.
12:44Sure my boobies are good.
12:49Hey.
12:50Honey.
12:51What are you doing?
12:53I was just unpacking a little bit.
12:55I miss you.
12:56I miss you too.
12:57Oh.
12:58Five days in Cabo together, and you're not tired of me yet.
13:01No.
13:01I probably could have done at least like three more days.
13:04No.
13:05I am definitely getting my sparkle back.
13:09I met Brandon in Kentucky.
13:11I was probably like 22 at the most, and we instantly clicked, and eventually it turned
13:17into like a romantic thing, but the timing just wasn't right, and it had been like 13
13:21years since we've seen each other.
13:23I'm like burning up.
13:25So sunburned.
13:26Burnt to a crisp.
13:27Burnt to a crisp.
13:28Yeah.
13:29Me and Brandon are so great together.
13:31He tells me how beautiful I am every day.
13:34He lives in California, about three hours away.
13:37We're like actually best friends, and he just makes me feel really good.
13:41So what else is going on?
13:42Nothing.
13:42Just hanging out at the house.
13:43Chrissy's asleep.
13:45It's funny, because the first time he came to visit, I was like, you can sleep in my guest
13:48room.
13:49Like, I didn't know the spark was going to be the same.
13:52He slept in my guest room, but I slept in there with him.
13:56When are you going to be back?
13:58I guess Thursday.
13:59Okay, Thursday.
14:00I just want everybody to meet you.
14:02I feel like I don't want to have a problem getting along with everybody, you know?
14:05Well, you won't.
14:05Of course not.
14:06You're a nice guy, I guess.
14:10You can't.
14:11I guess.
14:19I'm trying to tame it, it's all so entertaining, but who's to be complaining?
14:25You're such a dung.
14:27Woo!
14:28It's a lot cooler in here.
14:30It feels good.
14:33Whoa.
14:35Hey.
14:36Don't touch my love handles.
14:37What do you have to?
14:38Oh my God, how are you doing?
14:39What's going on?
14:41Why are you so sweaty?
14:42What's going on?
14:43I mean, look at you.
14:45You look super lean.
14:47You look spelt.
14:50You got to reciprocate the compliment.
14:52I'm sorry.
14:52You look so good, too.
14:55You look great, too.
14:55But I want to level up a little more.
14:57You know, sometimes when you're depressed, you put on weight.
14:59After the bar closed, I think I put on a happy 15 pounds.
15:01I also feel like you, especially after a bar, you needed a break.
15:05Just like wore you down.
15:07I was floundering, man.
15:10Oh, man.
15:12My life kind of fell apart at the seams.
15:15So after 12 years together and five years of marriage, I went to Tom last winter and
15:24asked him for a divorce.
15:26Divorced.
15:27Just hemorrhaging money.
15:29She laid it all out and it made perfect sense.
15:31I can't probably give you the specifics because I was so upset.
15:35I wasn't really listening.
15:37But also, I don't want to ask her again because one of the reasons she broke up with me is
15:40because I'm not a good listener.
15:41I lost all my harmony.
15:43In my zest, I lost my Schwartz.
15:45Yeah.
15:45But I think it's back.
15:46I feel like a brand new me.
15:48I don't know exactly how to articulate it, but I just feel like I got my sparkle.
15:53Can I steal Britney's line?
15:54I feel like I got my sparkle back.
15:56I'm happy it happened on some level.
15:58I know that's up because I lost a lot of money, but it just made me a better person.
16:02It gave me grits.
16:03It gave me like hood spa.
16:05I've known Tom since the day I moved to LA.
16:07He is one of the kindest, gentlest, most fun people that I've ever met.
16:14You got stuck in like a really bad situation.
16:16Yeah.
16:16Now you're to the point where you're ready to like thrive instead of just like survive.
16:21That's exactly it.
16:22Oh my God, that's so good.
16:24Hey, cheers, by the way.
16:24Oh, sorry.
16:25I didn't mean to take it before you.
16:26Cheers.
16:28Well, I saw that Britney was in combo.
16:30Brandon was there too.
16:31She looks so happy.
16:32Listen, I'm glad she's happy, but I don't know.
16:35I just worry because it's like, she's so vulnerable right now.
16:38She's looking for validation.
16:40He said, I love you so fast.
16:42It's like, it's moving far too fast.
16:44But if you don't put in the work on yourself to then see these red flags, you are going
16:50to fall for them again.
16:51I think you should seriously consider doing a little master dating.
16:55Master dating is essentially just taking yourself out for a night in the town, showing yourself
17:02a little love.
17:03You have to just build yourself up in the field of Britney's dreams.
17:08If she builds it, he will come.
17:12And then she will come.
17:15I'm like scared.
17:16She's going far too fast.
17:18Yeah.
17:18I'm already going in cautiously.
17:20And I want her to be just as cautious.
17:22And I feel like she might not be.
17:24Yeah.
17:25But you and Benji are strong.
17:27The love is strong.
17:28We're still figuring out his visa, which is such a nightmare.
17:31He's Canadian.
17:31Yeah.
17:32Yeah.
17:32We've set up our relationship where we have an open relationship.
17:35Oh, this is interesting.
17:37That's the thing is, like, sex and love are different.
17:39We far too often fake it like, oh, sex is all about making a baby.
17:43Yeah.
17:43Bulls**t.
17:44Then why is your prostate in your butthole, okay?
17:46Jesus knew what he was doing when he put that up there.
17:50Coming up.
17:52I laughed in tears.
17:54If I can make things better, I will.
17:55You could have said Christmas isn't the time or place, not at my house.
18:12I'm going to do the BLT.
18:13I'm going to do the BLT.
18:16Oh, with the crazy hair, girl.
18:20Okay.
18:21All right.
18:22Let's see where Kristen is at.
18:26Oh, sorry.
18:28Boo, boo, boo, boo.
18:29You lost it.
18:32There you go.
18:37Hey, girl. Hey, hey.
18:40Hello. Come on over.
18:41Stroller parking and everything.
18:45I'm like, hey, let me drag you out of the house
18:47while you need a bottle and a nap.
18:49We're three blocks from home,
18:51and we may as well be in a foreign country
18:52because that's how stressful this is.
18:54Don't you have, like, fun mimosa-type thing with, like...
18:58Okay. We got, like, a very bellini.
19:00I'll do that.
19:00I mean, the first time I left the house after giving birth,
19:03I went to a grocery store,
19:05and people weren't nice to me anymore
19:08because I wasn't pregnant.
19:13Like, no one held the door open for me.
19:15No one was like, oh, my God, your belly's so cute.
19:17They just walked right by me
19:18like I was just some piece of s***,
19:19and it was awful.
19:21You're so tired.
19:23Okay, girlfriend.
19:24Can you just hang out for a minute?
19:26Where'd you end up with breastfeeding and all that?
19:28I just had, like, thank you.
19:30I just had, like, nothing left.
19:31I was barely giving her a bottle a day.
19:33Yeah.
19:34Like, even trying to pump twice a day.
19:36Yeah.
19:36It just sucked.
19:37I'm fine being at home
19:38and wearing, like, sweats and a bra,
19:40but then when I have to leave the house...
19:42Have you guys gotten a date night?
19:44Uh-uh.
19:45You're almost three months in.
19:46You need a date night.
19:49Goin' down, shake it up.
19:51Yeah.
19:52Pull the trigger, let your animal out.
19:53Don't you wanna feel the rush?
19:55Rush.
19:56I wanna show you what I'm talkin' about.
19:58Get a little taste.
19:59Used to always playin' the same.
20:01Baby, aren't you sick of her mind?
20:02Baby, livin' love.
20:04Come in.
20:05What's up, man?
20:06Rush, how you doin'?
20:07Good, how are you?
20:08Good, tired.
20:10Yeah?
20:11It's not Kaia's fault last night, though.
20:13Really?
20:13I went out.
20:14Ah!
20:15Yeah.
20:16Chris wasn't thrilled about me going out last night, but...
20:19Really?
20:19It's all right.
20:20I've been pushing her to go out
20:21so I can then go out more.
20:23Right.
20:24How's Lacey doing?
20:25She's good.
20:26She was up the last two weekends,
20:28and her daughter and Isabel,
20:29the two of them are like little sisters,
20:31and they're starting to fight like little sisters.
20:33The girlfriend from Orange County can now be named.
20:37Her name is Lacey.
20:38She's incredibly intelligent,
20:41incredibly passionate.
20:42We spend a lot of time together.
20:44Our kids are really close,
20:45and it's been incredible.
20:49So things are great with Lacey.
20:51How are things between Michelle and Lacey?
20:54Michelle has said over and over again that she, like,
20:56doesn't want any communication.
20:58But last summer, I asked Michelle to reach out to Lacey
21:03before the Yamashiro party.
21:06Just call and, like, you know, put your cards on the table
21:10and just move forward so that we can all move on,
21:13and Michelle wanted no part of it.
21:14She was this close to coming.
21:16If Michelle had called, she'd be here right now.
21:18It is not my responsibility to call your girlfriend.
21:22Well, it would have helped me, but you guys don't give a .
21:25What?
21:25We need to sort of start to create this, like,
21:28modern family situation.
21:29Lacey reached out to Michelle when we first started dating.
21:32She wanted to know if Michelle had any boundaries,
21:36and Michelle didn't take it the right way.
21:39I don't know where that's going to go, to be honest with you.
21:42Michelle has made no effort,
21:45and she wants nothing to do with this woman
21:48that spends half the week with her daughter,
21:50and it just doesn't make any logical sense to me whatsoever.
21:55How's everything going with the baby?
21:57She's great.
21:57First six weeks were really tough, honestly.
22:00Yeah, it's been kind of a tougher adjustment.
22:03I mean, the downtime will make you crazy, man.
22:05And Kristen wants me around for support
22:08and doesn't like when I leave the house.
22:10You got some baby blues?
22:13I thought of it like that.
22:15I don't know.
22:16I got to dive into my feelings a little more, huh?
22:18The therapy session with Dr. Jesse.
22:20I remember when I was a new dad.
22:22It is a huge shift.
22:23It's like a, hey, you want to meet up for a drink?
22:26I called six nannies.
22:28They're not available.
22:29It's difficult mentally.
22:30In that first year, it's definitely, it's a change.
22:34I mean, I had Isabella when I was 40.
22:37So at 33, I was still out and about around town.
22:41So I can't imagine the transition at that age
22:45to this new world of responsibility.
22:48Lay it on me.
22:49I've been there.
22:50Our relationship is completely lacking intimacy.
22:54Which is to be expected.
22:56That's tough.
22:56Right.
22:56To some degree, I guess.
22:57It should be something that we should be able to talk about.
23:00We haven't really...
23:02Like, how is Luke dealing with what you're experiencing?
23:06He gets it as well as he can't get it.
23:08Yeah.
23:09You know?
23:09Yeah.
23:09But he's like...
23:10Yeah.
23:11We're still in a relationship.
23:13Yeah.
23:13Can we try to have sex?
23:14Can we do this?
23:15Like, you're cleared for that.
23:16I also hate my body right now.
23:19She shuts down every advance.
23:21At what point do you stop trying?
23:22I know in my experience that I would have rather had hard conversations
23:28because frustration turns to resentment very quickly.
23:31He wants to have sex all the time.
23:32And he's like, well, I love your body.
23:34I'm like, I like that your boobs are bigger.
23:35And I like that you have a butt.
23:36And I'm like, that's really nice.
23:38Thanks, butt.
23:39I know.
23:39Yeah, exactly.
23:40We've always had a really healthy sex life.
23:42And it was just pretty regular.
23:44But sex made a baby and now sex doesn't exist.
23:47I just need time.
23:49Like, I'm attached to her.
23:50She's attached to me.
23:52I think my natural defense mechanism to frustrations or whatever
23:56is just, like, basically kind of turning off emotions.
23:59Basically, we're gonna sweep everything under the rug
24:00until it hardens into cement.
24:02And we've got a permanent issue that we can't get rid of.
24:09Coming up...
24:10Is he your boyfriend officially?
24:23Can I tell you something gross?
24:25Always.
24:26I love gross.
24:26When I was pregnant, I got a skin tag on my gooch.
24:29You know, like, the area in between your...
24:30Do you know what a gooch is?
24:31No.
24:32The area between your vagina and your butthole.
24:34And I have a skin tag down there.
24:36And I want it removed so bad, but...
24:37Oh, it's still there?
24:38It's still there.
24:39Oh, I have the best guy ever.
24:41It has to be a dermatologist.
24:42I want to be like, all right, where's the skin tag removing?
24:44And I'm like, hold on.
24:45I gotta take all my clothes off.
24:47and bend over and spread it.
24:48You have to shave your butthole beforehand.
24:50Oh, my God.
24:50You must.
24:54Hi.
24:55This is dangerous, how close you are to these margaritas.
24:58Hello, senoritas.
25:00How are you tonight?
25:01All of you are over 21?
25:02Yes.
25:03Very.
25:04Hello.
25:05Hey, this skinny margarita.
25:07Let the danger begin.
25:09Hi.
25:10Hi.
25:10Your hair is so blonde.
25:12Oh, my God.
25:13I haven't seen how thin you are and how blonde.
25:16I know.
25:16This is your house morning present.
25:18I was like, is this our bottle service?
25:20But you don't look at everything.
25:23I know.
25:24I come over and she's like, let me make you a margarita.
25:26Oh, my gosh.
25:26Hi.
25:27I miss you.
25:27How was your trip?
25:28I know.
25:28That's a big deal to go to Cabo with him.
25:31I know.
25:31We just spent five days in Cabo together and didn't drive each other crazy.
25:36Like, is he your boyfriend officially?
25:45No, he's not.
25:46I won't say yes yet.
25:48He asked.
25:49Yeah.
25:50Already?
25:51Yeah.
25:52Brandon is, like, very emotionally stable.
25:55And I'm like, that's normal.
25:58You have no idea how sexy that is.
26:01Yeah.
26:03Brandon has a BDE.
26:07Yeah.
26:08He gives big dick energy because he's got a big one.
26:13It's personality and it's real.
26:17I'm so excited.
26:18Yeah.
26:19I'm so excited.
26:20I really like him.
26:21He's a great person.
26:22But what if I got, like, bored?
26:24Because things were so, like, good and so nice and I'm used to chaos and trauma.
26:29Can I help you find a therapist?
26:30Yeah.
26:31I just got in therapy and it's so freeing to talk to somebody.
26:36You know, it's like an expert on life.
26:38Yeah.
26:38I've got to be happy this year.
26:40Hey, hey, hey.
26:41Me too.
26:42Yeah.
26:42So what's going on with you guys?
26:43I feel like I've been talking about myself for hours.
26:46Michelle, how are you feeling?
26:47Are you okay?
26:48I've never had somebody break up with me.
26:50Dumbass.
26:52How's Isabella doing with everything?
26:54When Erin and I broke up, she cried.
26:57Aw, man.
26:58She's like, why did you guys have to break up?
27:00And I felt really guilty.
27:02Well, you should not feel guilty.
27:03You did everything.
27:04Like, buy the book like you should.
27:06I'm proud of you.
27:06I've tried, but it was kind of confusing because...
27:10He was like out of nowhere.
27:12And he's like, he wants a fitness girl.
27:16I'm like, oh my God, oh my God.
27:18I walk every day.
27:19I hike.
27:19I go to the gym.
27:20He's like walking and hiking is not working out.
27:25It's called cardio.
27:27What the ?
27:27Going to the gym four days a week isn't enough.
27:31She's not motivated.
27:32I'm over here dipping my...
27:34My feta in cheese.
27:36She doesn't work out enough.
27:37By the way, the moment we broke up,
27:41all he started doing is following Instagram models.
27:45So can I unfollow him now?
27:46Please.
27:47I did.
27:47But you know what?
27:48You did your charity .
27:50Now you're done.
27:51All right.
27:51Bye, bitch.
27:52That was easy.
27:55By the way, tomorrow the sip and see is at like 11 a.m.
27:59What time should I show up?
28:01You...
28:01I dare you to show up.
28:04I would never.
28:05This is a baby event.
28:06Just beautiful, perfect baby.
28:08Yeah.
28:09But the thing is, I also don't care that much to do that.
28:12I don't care to fight with Kristen.
28:13I wish her well.
28:14But I can only control my behavior and how Kristen behaved at your house was...
28:20gross.
28:22That sucked.
28:23That was odd.
28:24She was like carrying her baby and yelling at the same time.
28:27And then like two seconds later you were gone and I was like,
28:29what just happened?
28:31What made you not say something?
28:34Because I was shook.
28:35Obviously, I did not expect that was going to happen that day.
28:38But I thought everyone was going to be fine.
28:40And she that up.
28:42Me and Janet are so close.
28:43She's been a great friend to me, especially over everything I went through with Jax last year.
28:48I feel like that's definitely something that has made me feel bad because I want to stick up for my
28:53friends.
28:54But it's hard for me as the people pleaser I am and how much I hate conflict to get into
29:00the middle of everything.
29:01Cameron was bawling his eyes out.
29:03I hate that.
29:03And I had to strap him into his car seat after driving over saying, we're going to swim with Cruz.
29:09Putting his chest out screaming and crying into the car.
29:13I left in tears.
29:15I cried all night too.
29:17If I can make things better, I will.
29:19You could have said, Kristen, this isn't the time or place.
29:21Not at my house.
29:23Like to walk into a party and have somebody be like, why is she here?
29:26She doesn't deserve to be here.
29:28I haven't felt like that since seventh grade.
29:31Like since the last time I felt like bullied.
29:35And I'm not going to continue just showing up places where I'm getting yelled at.
29:48Coming up.
29:50You're gorgeous.
29:51I still believe in love.
29:52I believe in love too.
29:53You do?
29:54That's sweet as hell.
29:55I don't know.
29:55I just feel like it could work.
29:57Maybe.
30:04I don't know.
30:04I know you're loving.
30:06There's no one that I so То.
30:11That would have been amazing.
30:13Oh my goodness.
30:15Wow.
30:16Welcome.
30:18Hiya, Adeline.
30:20Sweetie.
30:21So beautiful.
30:23This is so pretty.
30:24This is awesome.
30:24And then we've got past all appetizers.
30:27I'll take a mock test now.
30:28You might need a shot after everybody arrives.
30:29Exactly.
30:30I'm excited for everybody to meet Adelaide,
30:33but I'm also excited to be in my old hood,
30:35back to civilization.
30:37Oh, the valley. It feels good to be home.
30:41Thank you, guys. It's so gorgeous.
30:44Yay!
30:45Hey, girl! How are you? You look beautiful.
30:50Good at Adelaide.
30:51So beautiful.
30:52It's brighter in the valley, and it's hotter.
30:55Jeez.
30:56Maybe I'll do a rosé with the cotton candy.
30:58Really?
30:59I feel like Marilyn Monroe in this dress.
31:04What the heck?
31:05You look like Marilyn Monroe.
31:07I know. We need a little.
31:08Marilyn?
31:10Aw, cute.
31:13Where's Kristen?
31:14Here, where's she at?
31:14You want a cocktail?
31:15Yes.
31:16Where's Kristen?
31:19Are you pooping again?
31:20I have to brush my teeth.
31:21Oh, my God.
31:23We're, like, really late.
31:27Hi!
31:28Hey!
31:30Oh, my goodness.
31:33Oh, she's a beauty queen.
31:36She's a sweet girl.
31:37Whenever she's ready, you know I will hold her.
31:38I know.
31:39I want a baby.
31:40Okay, well, you need to get it together.
31:41Stop going to Vegas.
31:42We need to little Vegas parties.
31:44Hi, girl.
31:44Hi.
31:45You look beautiful.
31:46You're, too.
31:46So gorgeous.
31:48Let me see.
31:48That's a little Addy.
31:50Please tell me you're done.
31:51Are you done?
31:52I'm done, girl.
31:54I say four and her four.
31:56How about one more?
31:56You guys are more insane than I am.
31:58No.
31:59I wake up every day to Nia with a scissor if she's like it.
32:03I'm like, Nia!
32:04They're not ready!
32:07Her feet are getting a little sun.
32:09And her feet.
32:11Feet tan.
32:11Her feet tan.
32:13Yeah.
32:13We're so late.
32:14All right.
32:15We made it.
32:16Hi, guys.
32:16Hey, hey.
32:17We're here.
32:18Breathe, mama.
32:19Breathe.
32:19Hi.
32:21Congrats.
32:22Good.
32:22How are you?
32:24How was it today?
32:25Getting here was a lot.
32:27Yay!
32:28Hi.
32:29Cheers to you, Daddy.
32:30Cheers.
32:31Cheers to us.
32:32Daddy or Luke?
32:33I hate that word.
32:34Daddy Luke?
32:35Daddy's got a hot dog.
32:37He's so beautiful.
32:38Look at your dress.
32:41It's so pretty.
32:42Oh, don't you cry on me.
32:44Where's your pacifier?
32:47Don't cry for me.
32:48Okay.
32:49I'll walk you around.
32:50There's mommy.
32:51Don't.
32:52Please don't cry on me.
32:53Hi, sis.
32:55She's been just fine.
32:56That was her first little whale.
32:57Yeah.
32:57She literally was fine until just the second.
33:01Michelle, do you want to drink?
33:02Sure.
33:03I'll do the baby shot.
33:05Okay, okay.
33:06Can I do a skinny marg?
33:07Skinny marg with a full tahim, please?
33:09So, wait.
33:10Michelle.
33:11You ever seen how Stella got her groove back?
33:13What?
33:14No, I have...
33:15Not that your groove isn't back, but...
33:17You're gorgeous.
33:19I'll take the compliments, but...
33:21Okay, yeah, yeah.
33:21Keep them coming.
33:22Keep them coming.
33:23Look.
33:23Tom and Michelle.
33:25I'm Michelle Wallace?
33:26Yeah.
33:27I think we're on similar journeys.
33:29I'm trying to live.
33:30Trying to laugh.
33:32What is the movie?
33:33Eat, love, pray?
33:34Yes.
33:34That's what I'm trying to do.
33:35Yes.
33:35We are Julia Roberts right now.
33:37Cheers.
33:38I thought it would be cute.
33:39They're going to at least hide out.
33:41I don't know.
33:42I don't know.
33:42Damn, mine.
33:43Tom's very quirky and weird.
33:45He is.
33:45But she's...
33:46But you know, maybe that's what people need.
33:47Opposites attract.
33:48Yeah.
33:50Michelle is a fine French wine.
33:52Tom's a Yeager bomb at a sports bar.
33:55I still believe in love.
33:56I believe in love, too.
33:57You do?
33:58That's sweet as hell.
33:59Even though I went through the nastiest divorce,
34:02and somebody who broke up with me,
34:04I truly believe in love.
34:05I'm glad you're not jaded.
34:06I don't know what your type is.
34:07I don't know if I have a type.
34:09Okay.
34:09It's usually a chemistry thing.
34:11Good.
34:11No?
34:12I just said if they went and had food,
34:14that would be great.
34:15I saw that you went to a voto spot.
34:17That's my spot.
34:18I love it there, too.
34:19It's the best.
34:20Do you want to go to a voto spot?
34:21I'll go to a voto spot with you.
34:22I want to.
34:23We'll have a night out of the town.
34:24We'll do something.
34:25Anything spiritual.
34:26Do something.
34:27I need a spiritual awakening.
34:30Cheers to the beautiful baby.
34:32Yes.
34:32Cheers.
34:33She's a really good baby.
34:35Oh, look at the baby.
34:36She's really so sweet.
34:40Here we go.
34:42When I was shaving my face,
34:43I nicked my lip.
34:44Ooh.
34:45I didn't notice, but now I do.
34:46You're good.
34:47Great.
34:48Hi, boo.
34:49Hi.
34:50You're finally out and about.
34:51Thanks for coming.
34:53Oh, great.
34:55Is that her?
34:56Yep.
34:57Uh.
34:58What the is she doing here?
35:00Nobody told me she was coming
35:02because she was like,
35:03I would never in my life know.
35:04How you doing, man?
35:05Good.
35:05Oh, my goodness.
35:07Oh, my goodness.
35:08I love babies.
35:10This is just not,
35:11it's not a common name.
35:11And she's not a common person either.
35:14Oh, are we allowed to say her name this year?
35:16I love you.
35:17I love you.
35:20Lacey, her and I have had a very difficult,
35:26uh, relationship.
35:27I'm dealing with a person
35:29who thinks she knows everything
35:31and she wants everybody to love her.
35:33I can tell.
35:33Just a reminder,
35:35this is the same woman
35:36who had her lawyer send me a cease and desist.
35:39She's constantly threatening to sue me.
35:42She was like,
35:43I'm gonna send all of you guys cease and desist
35:44so you don't talk about me.
35:46I met Lacey's ex-boyfriend.
35:48I was like, oh, my God.
35:49She sent me a cease and desist.
35:51He's like, oh, I got one, too.
35:52Like, she throws them out to everyone.
35:53Like, she's a little insane.
35:56Not a banging body.
35:57I mean, so do you.
35:58She's just not my cup of tea.
36:06Hi, boys.
36:07I didn't say hi to you.
36:08How are you?
36:08How are you?
36:09Good.
36:09Good to see you.
36:10Good to see you.
36:11Hi.
36:12That looks very good right now.
36:14I can't believe you have a baby.
36:16Yeah.
36:16I have to tell you something that you may not think is funny,
36:19but I kind of thought it was funny.
36:21We were talking, me and my mom.
36:23And my mom goes,
36:24your baby kind of looks like you.
36:26My baby.
36:26Sosa.
36:27So it's the blue eyes.
36:29And I was like, oh, no.
36:31He needed some extra money when he moved to L.A.
36:34You know, when you were reading the profiles or whatever,
36:35I'm like, that could be me.
36:37Oh, .
36:37Could you imagine?
36:39Wait, did you donate sperm?
36:40Yeah.
36:44My senior year of college, I donated sperm to the same sperm bank
36:47that Lala used to conceive Sosa.
36:49Donor number one, you guys.
36:51He really has it all.
36:52He is tall at 6'2 with lean athletic build.
36:55I'm 6'2 in lean athletic build.
36:56Donor number three, y'all.
36:57His major was in accounting and finance.
37:00Okay.
37:00So I have a degree in accounting and finance.
37:03One of his biggest passions in life is cooking.
37:05At the time, I might have been really into cooking.
37:07I don't know.
37:07My hobbies jump around.
37:09I don't know.
37:09I could be one or three.
37:11I could be all of them.
37:12Who knows?
37:12Hold on.
37:13Are you with me?
37:14I know.
37:14I was like, wait a second.
37:15You gave him the closet and then just disappeared.
37:21I am shocked.
37:23I did not have on my bingo card that he would say he's been a sperm donor
37:28at the same cryo bank I got Sosa from.
37:31Oh my God.
37:32It does look like Luke.
37:34Like.
37:34Now Kristen is Sosa's stepmom.
37:38Oh, no.
37:39Luckily you stuck around.
37:40I know you're really stuck.
37:42Oh, yeah.
37:42Not going anywhere.
37:48Woo!
37:52Hi, baby girl.
37:55Kristen, can I grab your baby?
37:57Yeah.
37:58She's...
37:58Oh, I see her right here.
38:00Don't let's not go to baby.
38:06I'm gonna say hi to Michelle.
38:08Okay.
38:12Hi.
38:13Hi.
38:15Hi.
38:18I didn't even know you were coming.
38:21Oh.
38:22Nobody told me.
38:23Oh, at least it's like a nice ambiance with babies.
38:28Yeah.
38:29Well, less can go wrong.
38:31I know.
38:32It's a perfect little cute event.
38:34Well, I'm happy to see you.
38:35You do seem happy and like healthy and in a good place.
38:40So...
38:40I am.
38:41We're, as you know, in a much better place than we were last summer.
38:46I emphasize with that.
38:47Are you divorced?
38:48Yeah.
38:49I didn't know if you're officially divorced or I don't know anything about you.
38:53Oh.
38:56I'm divorced.
38:58Listen, I don't want to fight with any woman going through a divorce.
39:01We had a rough start, but...
39:03I know.
39:04I'm sorry.
39:05Michelle and Lacey, speaking is the best case scenario for all of us.
39:10You know, hopefully it's just the beginning of what could grow into Thanksgiving together.
39:18All I need is a divorce and I'm done.
39:20So ask him to sign.
39:22I made it very easy for him.
39:23I walk away with nothing, so...
39:28Yeah.
39:29I don't know the financials, but I'm just hoping you guys have good, healthy resolution.
39:37Lacey is now always with my friends and she's going to be at the parties I go to.
39:43Honestly, it sucks and I hate it.
39:46Everybody likes her now.
39:49All right.
39:57I just had a long conversation.
39:59I saw you over there.
40:01I got nervous.
40:02I don't trust her.
40:03I've seen her be super nice and I've also seen her be super rude to me.
40:08You want something?
40:08Can I get a cocktail finally?
40:09Yeah.
40:10For sure.
40:11Last summer, leading up to my Zen party at Yamashiro, Jessie kept begging me to call Lacey
40:17and have conversations with her.
40:19And I just said, it's not the time and I don't want to have a conversation with this girl.
40:24She seems completely unstable, but she wants to portray that she's this like...
40:28Yeah.
40:29...sophisticated girl.
40:30So this girl who says she would never film shows up to my Zen party when there's cameras everywhere.
40:38Oh, Lacey's here.
40:40Hi.
40:40Hi.
40:42No, Lace, come here.
40:43You guys are almost done.
40:44I'll wait like five minutes.
40:45I thought you were done.
40:47We're finishing at 10.30.
40:48I know.
40:49Oh, it's so sweet.
40:50Well, I think it's fine over here.
40:52Yeah.
40:53I just can't touch her.
40:54When someone's like very unpredictable and chaotic, it makes me super nervous.
40:58Exactly.
40:59Don't fall for Lacey's bullshit.
41:01In front of your face, she'll be super nice and sweet.
41:04But behind closed doors, she's a bitch.
41:06She can't be a part of her party.
41:08She has an NDA.
41:09She can't film.
41:10Why did she come here?
41:11Yeah.
41:12Because we wrapped in 10.30.
41:13We're not wrapped.
41:14We're still filming.
41:15Not cool.
41:16Jeremiah, not cool.
41:19Jesse's chaotic.
41:20Lacey's chaotic.
41:21The two of them together are just insanity.
41:24She was just being bossy and telling me what to do and like how our friendship's going
41:28to be.
41:28It doesn't really work that way.
41:30And by the end of the conversation, she was screaming at me.
41:32She's like, I have all the money in the world and I don't care.
41:35I will see you and I will win.
41:36Jesse, Jesse, Jesse.
41:37No, no, no.
41:38I'm going to go with her.
41:39Jesse.
41:40This is a .
41:40I'll sit on this tomorrow.
41:42F*** you.
41:43F*** you.
41:45F*** you.
41:46F*** you.
41:47F*** you.
41:48This fall is going to be hard enough having to deal with Jesse dragging his feet
41:52with the divorce.
41:53Now I have this crazy girlfriend.
41:55There's only so much I can take before I snap.
41:58How did that go?
41:59It was fine.
42:00Maybe you're the problem.
42:04Next time on The Valley.
42:06It's my daughter's first birthday party.
42:08It looks amazing.
42:10I brought delicious mocktails for us.
42:11Let's get a little drunky and maybe have a little bumpy.
42:15An apology would be nice for like all the s*** you called me.
42:18This friendship is dead.
42:20It's done.
42:20Like you're crazy.
42:21It just makes me want to cry thinking about it.
42:24It took me over two hours to get home.
42:26She's crying.
42:26I'm crying.
42:27We're both crying.
42:28I'm sorry.
42:29I think I'm just like on the verge of burnout.
42:32now. We'll
42:32be out. We'll
42:35be out my lair and hey everybody else. We'll
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