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BRITCOM III
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00:00Listen, you know, when you was here the other day, did you lose anything out of your handbag?
00:07No, I don't think so. Why?
00:10Well, they're not mine.
00:11What are they?
00:14Fannyweights. I don't have them. Where's them from?
00:18Well, they're not mine and nobody else has been here except you.
00:21Oh, I'll tell you what, though, I'll have them.
00:23Ah!
00:30Her flabbers have been gassed.
00:31You want some of this?
00:33Oh, that is!
00:35Look out!
00:36Oh, no! Steve!
00:37Oh, now there's a controversial statement. The gravy.
00:43Yeah!
00:44Do you like this music?
00:45No, not particularly.
00:46So suck on that.
00:48Oh, wow!
00:49He's been a bad boy!
00:51Don't ever take me to a restaurant like that.
00:53Not a chance, Julie.
00:54Oh!
00:55Yes, look at that.
00:56He's had an absolute feast.
00:59Whoa!
01:00For a banana?
01:01This is insane!
01:03Well, thank God that's over, I've got a date on.
01:06It is like putting chicken in a vodka tonic, this.
01:10That's very modern, isn't it? Now, if you no-one saw that coming.
01:13No.
01:14In the week David Beckham picked up his knighthood from the king, we enjoyed lots of great telly.
01:22Players were getting fired up as the games began on Netflix.
01:26Think about what you gave to be here. Let them do it. We're going to win this with faith and belief in each other. We got this! Let's get it! Come on!
01:35He's done some motivational training, that he.
01:38Yeah, they're all the same. They all say, we've got this, we can do it.
01:42I've never had motivational training, Mary. That's why I'm unmotivated.
01:46Yeah, but I've chat-GPT'd what's wrong with you.
01:50What is it?
01:51Executive dysfunction.
01:53Oh, you must tell me more about it.
01:54Yeah.
01:55I'd love a diagnosis.
01:57There was a right royal dressing down on ITV News.
02:00Last night, Prince Andrew became Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor, stripped of his remaining titles.
02:06Do you know what I think his next move should be? Another BBC documentary.
02:10Yeah, because it did do in the world of good last time.
02:12Yeah, and in the meantime, he's just flogging all his old robes that he no longer needs on Vinted.
02:17Well, they'll be on Vinted, yeah.
02:18We'll get Fergie doing all that, won't he?
02:20Yeah.
02:21She can run him to the post office, like.
02:22Yeah.
02:23She's tearing her arse to in-post every five minutes.
02:27You won't believe it, Andrew. There's no f***ing lockers against you.
02:31And Traitors vs Faithfuls came face-to-face in the final showdown on BBC One.
02:38Players, this is it.
02:41The final round table.
02:43Right, Dad, are you ready?
02:44OK.
02:47I think the traitor is you, Dad.
02:51Ha!
02:52Well, that's what he's gonna do.
02:53That's good, that is.
02:54Stony face.
02:55Yeah, but that's terrifying.
02:56Contempt.
02:59Look, I would accuse you first of being a traitor and then a serial killer if I saw that.
03:02In Durham.
03:03I had my first ever shower.
03:14Oh, that's exciting.
03:15In my new bathroom.
03:17I also crucified the toilet.
03:20Best friends, Abby and Georgia.
03:23Oh!
03:25Crucified the toilet?
03:28Is that the word?
03:29No!
03:31When you do something for the first time, what does it...
03:33Christened.
03:34Is it christened?
03:35I think it's christened.
03:36I think it's christened.
03:37Not crucified.
03:39Crucified.
03:41My toilet.
03:44On Thursday night, over 11 million of us settled in for this on the BBC.
03:49Here's to the traitors.
03:50Yes!
03:52To the traitors.
03:53To the traitors.
03:54To the traitors.
03:55Here we go.
03:56I've been all here.
03:57Get your strength up, Steve, because this is gonna be a shock.
04:03Not many for it to be over.
04:04I don't want it to be over.
04:05What am I gonna do?
04:07Come on, Claudia.
04:08Let's get it started.
04:09I can't bear the suspense.
04:1119 celebrities arrived at this castle to play the ultimate murder mystery game.
04:17I like that castle.
04:18And now we're down to just five.
04:21Three faithful and two traitors.
04:24Don't know what Claudia's gonna do.
04:25It's her last night.
04:26She's finishing strictly.
04:27What's she doing?
04:28Emigrating somewhere.
04:29She's maybe going on holiday.
04:30My only kind of real hope is Nick does what he's told me he's going to do,
04:35which is to vote for Kat.
04:37Her name's only been mentioned once, I think, the whole series.
04:40Going into this final round table, we've got to get them traitors.
04:42So the faithful really do need to rally together now.
04:45Yes, Nick, that is the whole point of the game.
04:47I've got to make a decision on whether to vote David or Kat.
04:51Oh, it's not David.
04:52What?
04:53David or Kat?
04:54We're at the final round table.
04:56We've got two traitors that have been traitors since the very beginning.
05:00Oh, he sticks up.
05:01He looks like bloody Liberace.
05:03I've just got to be so careful.
05:06Do you know what, though?
05:07Alan hasn't done well when he's come under fire at the round table.
05:10He's got defensive.
05:11Players, this is it.
05:14The final round table.
05:19Don't start rattling them.
05:21Remember, if only faithful remain, they share the pot.
05:26But if there is still a traitor here, they take it all.
05:32Holy macaroni, Pedro.
05:35I didn't even know the cider, man.
05:37Yeah.
05:38It's that good, isn't it?
05:39The banished player will no longer reveal if they are a traitor or a faithful.
05:45Oh, my God.
05:46That makes it even harder.
05:48For the final time, then, the floor is yours.
05:52Oh, here we go, here we go.
05:54Okay, who's going first?
05:56Who's going first?
05:57So, look, there are so few things anyone can say with certainty.
06:01But, um...
06:02Alan, you're a traitor.
06:05Alan, um, you know what?
06:06I think I realise that I've often felt, especially going to breakfast,
06:10like, terrified and then this sheer sense of relief.
06:13Did Nick say Alan, then?
06:14Yes, he said Alan.
06:16But Nick said he was going for Kat.
06:17Yes.
06:18And what I often didn't get a sense from you was the sense of relief
06:22that you'd survived, maybe?
06:23Good spot.
06:24Well spotted.
06:25I like that thinking from Nick.
06:27And maybe that's possibly arguably true of you, Kat, sometimes,
06:31that there was never this sort of...
06:33Like a relief.
06:34Oh!
06:35Two traitors there.
06:36He's naming two of them, isn't he?
06:38I think the Faithfuls have got them sussed here.
06:40Yeah, I don't know what they might have done.
06:42Alan and Kat are on the ropes.
06:43The one small con I've got for you is that you've been really quite
06:46all the way through.
06:47Mm-hmm.
06:48She has, hasn't she?
06:49Yeah, very.
06:50You've always got to watch out for the quiet ones, haven't you?
06:53And with David and Kat receiving two votes each, it all came down to Joe.
06:59What's he gonna say?
07:00Ooh, this is exciting, Mary.
07:01I can't watch!
07:02Ah!
07:03I'm sorry, Kat.
07:04No.
07:05Yes.
07:06He's double bluffing.
07:07But I've changed my mind.
07:08No!
07:09No!
07:10Kat!
07:11He's rowing for Kat!
07:12They're gonna!
07:13Kat is gone!
07:14Kat is gone!
07:15Can we just take a moment for the fact that Alan is the only remaining traitor?
07:18Of our people!
07:19Of our people!
07:20Of our people!
07:21Right, hang on.
07:22Are we doing an indoor fire pit?
07:23Because that just makes it even more special.
07:24Players, this is it.
07:25The final showdown.
07:26Oh!
07:27Oh!
07:28Come on, come on, come on!
07:29I don't want it to end.
07:30In front of you are chests that contain ceremonial pouches.
07:36Oh, pouches.
07:37One is labelled banishing.
07:40The other is labelled endgame.
07:41If you believe there are still traitors in your midst...
07:56There is! Alan!
07:57They don't know that there's still one left.
07:59They don't know that they've got rid of them all.
08:01Then choose banish again.
08:02Oh my.
08:03Now go get it up and take it out.
08:04Who is it?
08:09Oh, my God.
08:11Alan needs to go banish and get David out.
08:13Alan, we will start with you.
08:15Let's see what you have chosen to do.
08:18He's got to say end the game, but if he said end the game...
08:21They'll know he's the traitor.
08:22Yeah.
08:24Red, he wants to banish!
08:26Oh, that is a big double bluff.
08:28I've still got a little bit of unfinished business.
08:31It's to do with Joe.
08:32Yeah.
08:33Oh, he's going to try and get rid of Joe.
08:35Earlier today, me, Kat and him were outside
08:38and he said, let's vote for David, all three of us.
08:42And that's what we said we'd do.
08:45And yet, round the round table, he goes for Kat.
08:47And it just made me very suspicious.
08:51Yes, Alan!
08:53Yes!
08:55Is it right?
08:55Fish is getting it, Alan?
08:57This is brilliant!
08:58A bit later, with the final showdown underway,
09:02the players turned the fire red,
09:04which meant another banishment.
09:06Alan, who do you believe should be banished?
09:09Here we go.
09:10Who's he going to put?
09:11I think it's Joe.
09:13Joe!
09:14He's gone for Joe!
09:17Go!
09:19Joe.
09:21It's going to be Alan, isn't it?
09:23Alan.
09:24I've gone for Alan.
09:25Joe and Alan, pistols at dawn.
09:27They're coming for you, Alan!
09:29David.
09:30Oh, don't get it wrong, David.
09:32Joe is a traitor.
09:34Oh, David!
09:35Oh, yeah!
09:36That's where I want it to go.
09:37Yes, yes, yes!
09:38Oh, my days!
09:40I can't believe it!
09:43Look at his face!
09:44Oh!
09:45Oh, I'm slathering.
09:46Hey, Alan's done the job.
09:48Nick.
09:50Oh, my God.
09:51Nick's going to go for Joe, isn't he?
09:53I'm stressed.
09:54I'm very stressed.
09:58Joe.
09:58No!
10:00No!
10:01Fuck it!
10:02Fuck it!
10:03I don't want that!
10:06Oh!
10:07Shut up!
10:08Sit down!
10:09Oh, no!
10:10Look at Joe's face!
10:12So, Joe has been banished.
10:14Only three of you remain.
10:16Two faithfuls.
10:17One traitor.
10:18Alan, let's see what you have chosen to do.
10:21Oh!
10:22I hate these.
10:23End the game or banish again.
10:25He's going to do end game.
10:26End game.
10:29No, I think Alan's giving the game away.
10:31David, let's see what you have chosen to do.
10:35Oh!
10:35Oh, no!
10:36Look at David's face!
10:38No green, no green, no green.
10:39He's going green.
10:42Green!
10:43End game!
10:44Oh, my God, he's going to do it.
10:46I think he's going to do it.
10:47Nick, this is the last pouch.
10:50Come on, Nick.
10:50All comes to this now.
10:52Oh, Nick.
10:53Come on, Nick.
10:53If it burns green, we end the game right now.
10:57Oh, your piece is not red.
10:58Oh, please don't be red.
10:59Oh, please tell me you've banished.
11:01Come on, Nick.
11:02If the fire burns red, we've banished again.
11:06Here we go!
11:08My head's going to come off now any minute.
11:10Can't watch.
11:11I actually can't watch.
11:14No!
11:15No!
11:15Oh, he's done it.
11:17It's funny.
11:18It's funny.
11:19It's funny.
11:19Oh, you funny bastard.
11:23Look at Alan's face.
11:24Look at Alan's face.
11:25Oh, he cannot contain himself.
11:27Knew it.
11:28He's been the worst traitor that traitors has ever seen.
11:32David, will you now please reveal, are you a faithful or are you a traitor?
11:37A faithful.
11:39Quite sentimentally.
11:41It's getting to me, this.
11:42They're going to be so shocked.
11:44Nick, please reveal, are you a faithful or are you a traitor?
11:49Look at her smiling.
11:50She just knows.
11:51A faithful.
11:53Look at the smiling look.
11:55The world.
11:56We're old pals, aren't we?
11:57They think they've won the money.
12:00Alan.
12:02Oh, no.
12:03Look at his face.
12:04Oh, no.
12:05Oh, no.
12:06I'm shaking for him.
12:07I am.
12:10And have always been.
12:12A traitor.
12:18Oh, fuck.
12:20Oh, my God, he's collapsed.
12:24No, no, no.
12:29Well, they didn't see that coming, did they?
12:32You did brilliantly.
12:33You did brilliant.
12:34You did brilliant.
12:35You did brilliant.
12:36You did brilliant.
12:36You did brilliant.
12:36Oh, bless him.
12:41Oh, he's going to make me cry.
12:42Oh, dog.
12:43It's a bloody game.
12:43Oh, no, but he's not to lie to them.
12:45You know what?
12:45That's relief.
12:47It is.
12:47That is absolute relief.
12:48Alan, you have won the game.
12:52Congratulations.
12:52Oh, that was brilliant.
12:58I'm about to wet myself.
13:00It was too exciting.
13:01I'm tired out.
13:02I can't wait for you to fuck off.
13:05Can't wait for you to go home.
13:06I can't wait to go myself.
13:08I'm tired out.
13:08I'm worn out watching this.
13:10I am.
13:10I've never been so drained.
13:12What a show.
13:12What a show.
13:14You hardly ever get emotion over a telly program anymore, Mary.
13:18I know.
13:19That's very rewarding that you've still got some feelings left.
13:29In home.
13:31Why are you sat as though you've got a broom up your ass?
13:33Oh, holly.
13:34I went to bed last night.
13:35You know, I got my button.
13:37And like, I sat up.
13:38I was sat like that, straight up, so I could watch the telly.
13:41And then I must have fell asleep, sat up.
13:43Best friends Jenny and Lee.
13:46Told you them electric beds are no bastard good.
13:48I woke up my head.
13:50I bet you was sat there.
13:51I bet you was sat there, slathering.
13:53I can just picture you.
13:54Yeah, I was.
13:55Was you in my bedroom?
13:57Oh, Lee, I ain't doing it no more.
14:00I'm going to do it and make sure that I turn it down.
14:04Why don't you put your telly on your ceiling?
14:06No.
14:07The mirror's there.
14:08On Sunday night, Hamza was having a look at homegrown wildlife on BBC One.
14:16I've been watching this.
14:18It's absolutely charming.
14:21He finds all the wildlife that we don't normally see.
14:24Well, it's funny that he's been able to get you interested in wildlife and I've been trying for 40 years, Natty.
14:29But it's the charming way he does it.
14:31Oh, it's the difference, is it?
14:32Yeah.
14:33My name is Hamza Yassin.
14:35I am a wildlife cameraman and naturalist.
14:37And I do a good cha-cha-cha.
14:40Yeah?
14:40I've got a very special spot for Hamza, Simon.
14:43Me too.
14:43And in this series, I'm going to show you the incredible hidden wildlife that we have here in the British Isles.
14:49What have we even got?
14:51See, I don't think we've got as much as other countries.
14:54I'll be showing you animals so rare...
14:56Ooh, look at that.
14:58That's a tuna.
15:00Ooh.
15:01I'm sure that's a tuna.
15:02...that we hardly ever see them.
15:04Tuna!
15:06Tuna, told you tonight.
15:07That's in British Isles?
15:09Yep.
15:10Oh, my God.
15:11That's why I don't go swimming.
15:13I hope it's not filmed in the Cotswolds, this, because there won't be a lot of wildlife.
15:19Yeah.
15:21Well, I'm afraid I've got a wildlife setback today, Mary.
15:26The dog...
15:27Oh, don't.
15:28...ate a great tit.
15:33Everything's in Yorkshire.
15:34Of course.
15:34There is a bird here that has captured imaginations for centuries.
15:39And it is.
15:40Really?
15:40How long?
15:41Centuries?
15:41Centuries, I think, is, like, every ten years.
15:45It's strange.
15:46It's alien.
15:47And it's almost impossible to see.
15:49What sort of bird is that?
15:51And I know what it is.
15:52What, Hamza?
15:54It's a nightjar.
15:56They're the only woodland wader that we have here in the British Isles.
15:59Take it back.
16:00They are the master of disguise.
16:04So, are we going to see it, then?
16:05I bet it's insignificant and it's brown.
16:08But at night, they come alive and they head into the open to feast in the fields.
16:14You don't see many birds on a night apart from an owl, don't you not?
16:17Or a bat.
16:18Bats aren't bird's abs.
16:19I've got wings.
16:20This camera is absolutely incredible.
16:23It's a thermal camera.
16:24Thermal.
16:24So, it...
16:25Temperature.
16:26Yes.
16:27This camera reveals to me that there is so much happening out there.
16:31Oh, look!
16:32So, you wouldn't know there was there, would you, really?
16:34I'm not going to the fucking woods on a night now.
16:36Have you seen what's above you?
16:37There are hundreds of wading birds.
16:40A herd of roe deer.
16:41Oh, look at the deers!
16:43The animals are glow in the dark.
16:45No, they don't glow in the dark.
16:46That's just on the camera light.
16:47And even an otter.
16:50Oh!
16:51Otter, an otter!
16:51Oh, my God!
16:52I love otters!
16:53Oh, wow!
16:54They're mental.
16:55They'll bite your shoes off if they get too close.
16:57What if you don't have any shoes on?
16:58Well, then you're fucked.
17:00And the bird that I have come to see...
17:04a woodcock.
17:05A what-what?
17:06A woodcock?
17:07A woodcock.
17:07Oh, you like eating them.
17:08I do.
17:09That's a woodcock.
17:10You can see the side profile of this particular woodcock.
17:13Don't be embarrassing, Simon.
17:16How old are you?
17:18With Craig Ralston and a group of volunteers,
17:21we're going to catch and ring these amazing birds,
17:24all in the name of science.
17:26You can't net it.
17:27Attenborough doesn't net anything.
17:29Yeah, but then you release it after you've had a good look at it.
17:32Oh, you can see the bird.
17:33That's a woodcock.
17:34Oh, it's right by his feet.
17:35Yeah, that's a skill, isn't it?
17:38And it's taken off.
17:40Oh!
17:41Butterfingers.
17:42Many hands make light work.
17:45So let me show them how it's done.
17:46Yeah.
17:47Oh, here you go.
17:47Here comes the big guns.
17:50Oh, he's missed it.
17:52Oh, he didn't do it, did he?
17:55There are so many birds out here.
17:58Surely we can catch just one little woodcock.
18:01By the sounds of it.
18:02No, you can't.
18:04Oh, hang on.
18:05Here we go, here we go.
18:06I've got it.
18:08He's got it.
18:09He's got it.
18:10Where's it at then?
18:11In the net, but you can't see it.
18:13If you have a look, the bird is held.
18:17Oh, look at it, though.
18:18Between my middle and index finger.
18:24That's cute as hell.
18:26Do you think?
18:26I think it looks ugly as fuck.
18:28If you have a look at its head, its eyes have actually migrated further back so it can see
18:34360 degrees around it.
18:36Oh, that's quite cool.
18:37Eyes on the back of your head.
18:38I've always wanted those.
18:40No wonder it was out to catch.
18:41I could see him coming.
18:43We've learnt a lot about woodcocks.
18:44I hadn't really thought about them much before.
18:46Well, neither do I, except as dinner.
18:52I've reached a milestone this week, Jane, and I don't know if I'm proud or embarrassed.
18:59Try me.
19:01I have now completed every episode of NCIS.
19:07Simon and his sister, Jane.
19:09There are 22 series available, of which each series has about 20 episodes.
19:18I've found out 490 episodes.
19:22I have watched them all, from start to finish, in order.
19:28Is that what you call binge watching?
19:30I did it in one go.
19:31This week, hundreds of players donning tracksuits return to play Netflix's deadliest game show.
19:41Ooh, Ellie, Squid Game 2, the challenge!
19:45New games.
19:46We've got new games.
19:47We've got new challenges.
19:48New games, new challenges, new people.
19:52Hey, do you know what I like about it, Lee?
19:54It's all different age groups.
19:56Oh, yeah.
19:57It's not just for young people.
19:58I think they're from about 18, 205, so you're just in.
20:05Players, welcome to Squid Game.
20:08Hello, games master!
20:10Did they all get a cup of tea first?
20:11That's what I was thinking!
20:12No biscuit.
20:13Nothing!
20:14This test will require two volunteers to step forward.
20:18Oh, Christ.
20:20Don't volunteer.
20:21You're going to be the first to go.
20:22I'd volunteer.
20:23No, well, you'd be gone.
20:24They got somebody.
20:25Oh, somebody's going for it.
20:28Oh, they're twins.
20:30God, there's no flies on you, is there?
20:31No.
20:32Yeah, but that was a wild move, them both stepping forward.
20:34This is what I'm saying.
20:35Why would you do that as twins?
20:36X's, follow the staff into the white room.
20:40O's, remain here in the dorm.
20:42Oh, they're splitting them up, Bob.
20:44Why?
20:45Attention players.
20:48Only one room will survive this test.
20:51The other will be eliminated.
20:54Oh, my God.
20:56Wait, they're already getting cut in half.
20:58This test is simple.
21:00All you need to do is count.
21:03Count?
21:04What?
21:05No worries.
21:06Harry, you'd be done at this point, wouldn't you?
21:07Oh, fuck off.
21:08When your room believes 456 seconds have elapsed, you must push the button.
21:14Oh, no.
21:16So whoever's closest to 456 seconds wins.
21:20Yeah.
21:21It's seven Mississippi, eight Mississippi, nine Mississippi.
21:24That's enough.
21:25Okay.
21:25Who's confident in count?
21:27431.
21:27431.
21:28Ask if anybody's a musician in the group.
21:30Oh, that was a good comment.
21:34Rhythm.
21:35Metronome.
21:352, 3, 4.
21:37We got a nurse back there.
21:38She does the counts.
21:39Wait, she does the compressions.
21:41Nurse.
21:42Okay.
21:42No room for error if you're a nurse, is there?
21:45If you're doing CPR.
21:47One.
21:48Two.
21:49Ha, ha, ha, ha.
21:51Staying alive.
21:52Staying alive.
21:52That's it.
21:53Your time starts now.
21:58Right, let's lock in, guys.
21:591, 2, 3, 4.
22:03I said nurse who was started.
22:04What's the nurse doing when she hasn't spoke?
22:07Really?
22:081, 2, 3.
22:10She's way too slow.
22:11She's 10 seconds out.
22:13She's going way too slow.
22:13Can you tell me?
22:14Tell him.
22:15Everybody knows that she's cocked up here.
22:17She's getting slower.
22:18Tell her.
22:19She needs to go faster.
22:21151.
22:22152.
22:23153.
22:24What is he doing, man?
22:26Don't make her lose count.
22:27If they interrupt her, it's done.
22:29Oh, God.
22:3047.
22:3148.
22:3249.
22:32I think they've done it with the musician abs.
22:34I do.
22:35Right, it's time.
22:36Is it time?
22:3751.
22:3852.
22:3953.
22:3954.
22:4155.
22:4256.
22:43Hit the button.
22:44Now.
22:45Now.
22:46Hit that, bitch.
22:47Push that shit.
22:50Is an nurse still fucking like that next door?
22:54Oh, she is, look.
22:56You're going to push it?
22:57Push it.
22:57Fuck it.
22:57Push it.
22:59Push it.
22:59Push it.
23:00Push it.
23:01Now.
23:06He pushed it.
23:07Was he too slow?
23:08I think the blues are gone.
23:10Do you reckon?
23:11Yeah.
23:11That team is a shambles.
23:13If they've won, it's a disgrace.
23:15The result of the first test is as follows.
23:18Here we go.
23:18Oh, my God.
23:19We're going to find out.
23:19One room was out by two seconds.
23:23Ah!
23:23Two is wild.
23:25Oh.
23:25Oh, that's pretty good.
23:26That's pretty good.
23:27The other by 12 seconds.
23:30Oh, that's worse.
23:3212 seconds.
23:33Oh, it's there.
23:34Oh, by the 12.
23:35Oh, I don't know.
23:35By the 10 seconds you missed.
23:37Oh, yeah, it could be, couldn't it?
23:39Oh, Lord, please don't let me be.
23:42Oh, my God.
23:43Blues.
23:44Blues are gone.
23:47Oh, they're dead.
23:47They're dead.
23:49I want you to know.
23:52This is awful.
23:58Player, 431.
24:01Oh, he didn't get shot.
24:02Wait, what?
24:03As you were brave enough to volunteer,
24:06you will survive this test.
24:10Nowhere!
24:11Oh, I got immunity.
24:12I bet all them laying down on the floor are fuming.
24:16Because they can all hear it.
24:17Imagine getting all the way there.
24:19Now, you'd be so pissed off.
24:2050-50 chance you go through.
24:22Yeah, you got time off work.
24:24Got there, told the family you're away.
24:26You got babysitters, dog sitters, everything.
24:29Goodbye.
24:30I was like, I'm home.
24:32Hi, that was short.
24:33My one-day holiday.
24:34It leads.
24:44It's a lesson's learned,
24:45and I feel like sometimes, you know,
24:46when you learn things,
24:47you should share these things.
24:49I like to learn and share, yes.
24:50Yes, so I've learned and shared
24:51that you do not take pictures in the bath
24:54and then send them to people.
24:56Best friends Danielle and Daniela.
24:59You know I've got my little,
25:00I have my little snack bar in the bath.
25:01Do you know what I mean?
25:02So I have my phone so I can watch telly
25:03and then I've got my little nibbles
25:04and my drink and da-da-da on my little table.
25:07So I took a picture of that to show off.
25:09You got your fill in the reflection.
25:11Sent it to my boss.
25:13No, full growler.
25:15Ha-ha!
25:17Someone's getting a pair of eyes.
25:18It was a bit more in the picture
25:20than I'd realised.
25:22It was a really nice spread.
25:24I bet it was.
25:25Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
25:29On Monday night,
25:30the net was closing in on Channel 4.
25:33Let's watch Hunt and Nutt.
25:34Oh, yes.
25:34It's the finale.
25:35Don't dangle the teabag.
25:37Don't you dare dangle that teabag.
25:39I'm just going to throw it in the fire, Mary.
25:41Oh, no.
25:42It's your favourite
25:42headquarter TV policeman, Simon.
25:46You bet.
25:47We got them.
25:48We got them.
25:48They're on social media.
25:5019 days ago, 14 fugitives went on the run.
25:55Fourteen, there's only three left.
25:56Oh, my God.
25:58Got the old mirrors on.
25:59Hunters, you have no idea.
26:00No idea.
26:02I love her attitude.
26:04Oh, she really means it, don't she?
26:05Confident.
26:06That's a winner.
26:10Tonight, they'll have to get to the extraction point.
26:12You know yourself, you've watched it before.
26:14OK, people, strap yourself in and buckle up.
26:17Today is going to be a bumpy ride.
26:20Strap in and buckle up.
26:21The loudest scream, the faster you go.
26:24To reach the extraction point and escape the hunters,
26:28they must first collect their getaway car.
26:30That's Bromley.
26:31Is it?
26:33Is that the shopping centre?
26:34You're shopping all the time.
26:37I think I should be a hunter.
26:38What?
26:42OK.
26:43Let's see what we've got here.
26:45Proceed immediately to Eurotunnel.
26:48Eurotunnel?
26:50Eurotunnel!
26:50Where are they going?
26:52Press to end parking.
26:53Use contactless.
26:54I don't even know where his card's been used.
26:56Yeah.
26:59Andrew's just used his card to pay for parking in Bromley.
27:02OK, listen up, I need all your eyes on this CCTV.
27:05We need to pick them up.
27:06We need to see where they're going.
27:07There you go.
27:09So, there's Team Bravo.
27:11They're in a great place if he's going to continue heading in that direction.
27:14Andrew's heading towards the Hunters.
27:16I'm pretty sure, as I could be, that this has all got telematics.
27:21And so they know exactly where the car is.
27:24Oh, shit.
27:25Disable it!
27:27Yeah, there it is.
27:29Shit!
27:30He's just driven straight past him.
27:31He's not going to get into a high-speed chase, is he on Britain's roads?
27:35Darling, survival of the fittest.
27:37He doesn't deserve to get away if he was stupid enough to use his credit card.
27:42I'm sure if I ripped out a couple of these fuses, that would turn off the telematics.
27:46But I'm going to have to basically pull in.
27:47No, don't pull in!
27:49Don't stop, Andrew!
27:50Don't stop!
27:50Keep going!
27:51Keep moving!
27:52Keep moving, Andrew!
27:53Yeah, he's pulling.
27:54Yeah.
27:54Get ready.
27:56Oh, he is!
27:56He is!
27:57No, Andrew!
27:57Oh, shit.
28:00That's Hunters.
28:01Oh, my God.
28:01They're right behind me.
28:02Floor it, Andrew!
28:03Floor it!
28:08Oh, he's out!
28:09He's out!
28:09Go on, Andrew!
28:10Give it our honour.
28:12Christ!
28:13Christ!
28:13Christ!
28:14Clever man.
28:15Yes, very clever.
28:17I like to see the initiative.
28:18He's not clever.
28:19Andrew, stop running!
28:20They're running, they're running!
28:21Come on!
28:23Stop running!
28:24No, don't stop running, Andrew.
28:25Don't stop.
28:26Do they have to physically touch him?
28:29Stop running!
28:30No, they've got him!
28:31They've got him!
28:32Andrew, it'll have been hand-poured this time
28:33on the run of the zone run.
28:34Oh, no!
28:36Oh!
28:38Did he really chase him around the corner?
28:40No.
28:41Did he?
28:42He didn't have to get very...
28:43He didn't go very far, did he?
28:44After 19 days, a six-foot fence wiped you out again.
28:48And it wasn't long until the Hunters were on the heels of Marie.
28:52There he is!
28:53He's got eyes on, eyes on, eyes on!
28:55Oh, no, no, no!
28:57Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
29:00Marie, your time on the run is over.
29:02You have been hunted.
29:03Oh, bloody hell.
29:06Oh!
29:07Yeah, but is Shaq going to get through now?
29:09We've got Shaq and his Mazda on platform B1.
29:13Oh, God, they can see him, Jane.
29:14Oh, my God, he's waded.
29:16No, you haven't!
29:18Put your foot down!
29:19Hit in there, that's not left yet.
29:22Come on, come on, guys!
29:23Come on!
29:24Come on, Nick!
29:25Oh, my God, they're really up his arse.
29:27You can see him, the doors are closing.
29:33He's on! He's on!
29:36Oh, he's crying!
29:37He's not crying!
29:42He's done it, the tree's gone!
29:43Brilliant!
29:49It's the money in there!
29:50I hope it's not drugs.
29:52He's going to end up in prison for 40 years.
29:56Wow!
29:58Look at him!
30:02That is all his?
30:04All of it?
30:05You'd be buzzing, wouldn't you?
30:07Oh, well done!
30:09That was minutes!
30:10That was fucking brilliant.
30:12Absolutely brilliant.
30:13That was minutes away, weren't they?
30:15Yeah.
30:15He's going to get in trouble here
30:16for having 100 grand for the count of Vintouts on him.
30:21The gendarmes in Paris
30:23aren't going to take too clever to that.
30:25And he's in a stolen master.
30:30In the Cotswolds...
30:31Darling, I think this is probably
30:34the eighth or ninth throat lozenge
30:36that I've found dotted around the house.
30:38Andrew and his husband, Alfie.
30:40They're not dotted around the house.
30:42I think, I've, the fact is I've bought about 400 in the last week
30:46because I have the worst cough and cold.
30:48And I have bought almost every lozenge in the county.
30:52But I also think I spit them out...
30:54What?
30:54...when I'm sleeping.
30:56But they're not in the bedroom, they're everywhere.
30:57They're just all over the house.
30:59It's disgusting.
30:59I don't know why I'm finding them on tables,
31:01on chairs, on sofas.
31:03Please stop.
31:04If you have a throat lozenge in,
31:06please just, please just finish it.
31:08Or put it in the bin.
31:08OK, I will do in the future.
31:10I'm very sorry.
31:10Awful.
31:11On Sunday night, ITV had our nerves on edge again
31:15as the explosive game of cat and mouse continued.
31:19Right, let's strap in.
31:20Trigger point time.
31:21I'm not sure you watch it.
31:22It's the programme you're watching.
31:23It's just Vicky McClure, isn't it?
31:25Oh, well, obviously.
31:26But it's a good storyline.
31:27Yeah, I have to admit, I do like the new hairstyle.
31:29It's much better.
31:33Didn't you once meet Vicky McClure's hairdresser?
31:36I've met Vicky McClure's hairdresser a couple of times.
31:41No!
31:42Bloody hell!
31:43Friends in high places, you.
31:46Hot on the trail of the anonymous bomber,
31:49Vicky's intuition led her to Greenwich.
31:55Hello, what's this?
31:56What's she looking at?
32:00Oh, shit!
32:02What is that?
32:03Those people tied up!
32:05Jesus Christ!
32:07What the hell?
32:09Are these more victims?
32:10I think so.
32:11This guy's deadly, man.
32:12Let it hear you play it about.
32:14What is the bomber doing this for?
32:24What is the end goal?
32:26I don't understand.
32:27Revenge.
32:28Well, it's revenge for what?
32:31And it wasn't long before the rest of her squad arrived
32:34to give her a helping hand.
32:36But they're conscious, they're moving.
32:39Looks like they're all sat in something, too.
32:41They've got masks on.
32:43Oh, see the canisters in the middle?
32:44Yes!
32:45I think they must be sat on pressure pads or something like that, eh?
32:48What do you mean?
32:49Well, as soon as they lift it off, boom!
32:52It's snar.
32:53Yeah.
32:54You can't do this alone.
32:56No, she can't.
32:57No, she can't do this alone.
32:58You're going to need backup.
32:59Charging three in position.
33:01Oh, look at old Rich.
33:06What's up with him?
33:07Oh, his nerves are playing up, innit?
33:13Oh, look, he's got the shakes, Mary.
33:15Oh, you can't go and decide my bomb.
33:17Cos he nearly drowned, didn't he?
33:19Well, last week he did, yeah.
33:21Trying to save that moment, wasn't he?
33:22Yeah.
33:27Pass.
33:28Jesus, what a contraption.
33:30This is definitely the worst one that we've seen so far.
33:33Oh, yep.
33:39Oh, it's something feeding into the mask.
33:42See that canister?
33:43Oh, yes!
33:44It's oxygen.
33:46No, it's running out.
33:47What happens when the oxygen runs out?
33:49They die.
33:50But the masks have hooked up to some explosive device.
33:53If they try and take them off, then something's going to go by.
34:00Hey, hey, I need you to calm down.
34:03Calm down!
34:04They're either going to get suffocated or their head's blown off.
34:06They're running out of oxygen.
34:08Jenna, you can't rush these things.
34:10Well, you have to.
34:12It doesn't look like the masks are connected to the scales.
34:14We should be fine to snip and remove.
34:15Should be fine.
34:16I mean, we can only hope at this point.
34:19Just cut the wires, then.
34:24Oh!
34:24Oh!
34:25Oh!
34:25She's going to cut one!
34:28Oh, fucking hell.
34:30She knows what she's doing.
34:32Thank Christ for that.
34:34Neutralised.
34:35Neutralised.
34:36Oh, God, Rich, please neutralise.
34:40Rich, Rich has got the shaky hands.
34:41He shouldn't even be doing this.
34:43Rich, how are you doing?
34:44Yeah, yeah, nearly there.
34:46He's faffing.
34:47Knowing me, I'd get Rich.
34:50I'll hold on this.
34:51I'd get him.
34:56Neutralised.
34:56Oh, he's done it, he's done it.
34:57Rich has done it, finally.
34:58He took his time, didn't he?
35:00Neutralised.
35:01Oh, she's just cutting straight into the scales.
35:09Neutralised.
35:10Neutralised.
35:11Here we go.
35:11This is going too smoothly.
35:13It is, isn't it?
35:13I'm not happy.
35:14I'm going to go down with these two,
35:15but I'll come back and give you a hand, yeah?
35:17Aye.
35:17I know, good.
35:19She'll be right behind you.
35:20She'll be right behind you.
35:21This is not looking good, this.
35:23Something's going to happen here, Ellie.
35:25I can feel it.
35:26Something's not right, is it?
35:28I'm going to ask you to move.
35:31Take your place.
35:32Wait, what?
35:33No, no.
35:34What's he doing?
35:34He's switching places with her.
35:36He's going to sit on it instead.
35:38But why?
35:38Move.
35:40Oh, God.
35:42Oh, he's on it, he's on it.
35:43Do it awful.
35:44Bad idea.
35:45Bad idea.
35:46What are you playing at?
35:49What's going on?
35:50Lana, what are you doing?
35:52Go over and give him a hand.
35:54Do you need a hand?
35:55Yes, he does.
35:56Yes, he does.
35:57What?
35:58Okay.
36:01That's the black wire.
36:04Isn't it supposed to be the red wire?
36:05He's got the wrong colour.
36:07He's got the wrong colour.
36:11Oh!
36:14Fucking hell.
36:15Oh, shit, a brick.
36:17It was supposed to be red.
36:25Oh, Lee.
36:27Reach has exploded.
36:28I knew some awful were going to happen.
36:32Sometimes in them situations, I always like to think, oh, it's going to, he's going to come back next week.
36:36But, oh, no, he's just blew himself up into, like, a hundred pieces.
36:40There's no way he's coming back, is there?
36:42No.
36:42Put your drink down, I need you to try it on.
36:54It's like a bloody rug.
36:55It's quite heavy, actually.
36:57Teresa and her wife, Anita.
37:00I need some conditioner on it, it's as rough as a badger's arse.
37:04You're so ungrateful.
37:05No, I'm not, it's lovely.
37:06Sit down, sit down.
37:07Now, I didn't know whether to make you a knee blanket, then, to go over your feet.
37:13Can't you just make it bigger so it goes, you know?
37:16What, a little bit longer by an end?
37:18Keep you busy for the rest of the winter, won't it?
37:21Do you like it, though?
37:22Yeah.
37:23Not sure about the colours, though.
37:25I beg your pardon?
37:26It's West Ham colours.
37:30You cheeky cow!
37:32On Sunday night, Tom Daly was casting off on Channel 4.
37:37Who's put this shite on?
37:39Excuse me, you're not saying that when I'm making you your Aaron jumpers, are you?
37:44Fucking watch knitting, but watch your knitting.
37:47A new generation of knitters are taking the world by storm.
37:51He's an amazing knitter.
37:53I couldn't begin to do what he does.
37:54With just two needles or a hook, they are testing the limits of creativity.
37:59See, I love all this, but I just can't be arse making it.
38:02I used to knit when I was younger.
38:04It's funny, I'm like Benjamin Button.
38:05I started knitting at a young age and I gave it up before I turned 10.
38:08Yeah, yeah, yeah.
38:08Best years are behind you now.
38:09Each week, they will face two mind-blowing challenges.
38:13Oh, my...
38:13Wow!
38:14Go on, Tom.
38:15It's like if Julius Caesar went to Pride.
38:17At school, do you think I really did the woodwork?
38:25No.
38:25No, I was in the sewing class.
38:28Embroidery class.
38:29Yeah, what's that?
38:30Knitting class.
38:30Yeah.
38:31Crocery class.
38:32Cooking class.
38:33Yeah.
38:34No good at either of them.
38:35And then my mum asked me, are you gay?
38:37And I went, no.
38:40For your first solo challenge...
38:43Oh, here we go, love.
38:44..we'd like you to reimagine a fair isle.
38:47A what?
38:48Fair isle?
38:49What's a fair isle, mum?
38:50So, a fair isle is a traditional knitting colourwork,
38:55but based in the fair isles of Scotland.
38:59Nice, OK.
38:59You only have 12 hours, so let's get knitting.
39:0312 hours?
39:04I said, what is this, a sweat shop?
39:06Already familiar with the fair isle technique
39:09is cruise ship singer Gordon.
39:11Hey!
39:12I like the name.
39:14A fantastic name, if I may say so.
39:16I'm a very traditional knitter.
39:17I've never tried anything particularly avant-garde.
39:20So, you've not tried anything flash, Gordon?
39:24Gordon is combining his love of Shetland
39:27with his passion for music
39:28by knitting periods of piano keys...
39:31The piano keys are clever, aren't they, Mary?
39:33..accompanied by the oxo-motifs
39:35used in traditional fair isle designs.
39:37OK, that looks nice.
39:39Would you wear that off the rack?
39:41Personally, no.
39:42Ha ha ha!
39:44Gordon is the only knitter attempting
39:46the risky traditional fair isle method of steeking.
39:50Oh?
39:50Which means to cut open the neck and armholes.
39:53What?
39:54Oh, you knit the full thing, and then you cut it.
39:57How can you cut into the knitting, it'll all unravel?
40:00Library worker Dipty knits to unwind.
40:02Working in a library must be just too high an octane for her,
40:06so she has to calm down somehow by knitting.
40:08Is there anything with this project
40:09and this challenge in particular that you're concerned about?
40:12For me, it's always the fit.
40:13I'm not a massive maker of garments and finishing it
40:16because I'm quite a slow knitter.
40:19Oh.
40:19Oh, you've got a happy game, love.
40:20Knitters, that's one hour to go.
40:23Shit, one hour!
40:26For a thing to buy a bit of time,
40:27I'd ask Tom Daly about his gold medals.
40:29Yeah.
40:30Well, he wouldn't shut up about him, would he?
40:32That'd buy you another four hours.
40:33HE LAUGHS
40:34OK, I'm going to cut these.
40:38I'm going to just stick the armholes in the neck hole.
40:40Oh, shit.
40:41Oh, what is he doing?
40:45Oh, he's cutting it.
40:50Oh, ooh!
40:51Why is he using scissors that I used in reception class?
40:57He's like this, isn't he?
41:00Look at me, do you have mum on my edges of my seat here,
41:02watching them blow, cutting walling bits.
41:04See, you're loving it.
41:05All done.
41:06The openings are now made.
41:07I've just got two big, raggy, gaping holes
41:09where your arms poke out.
41:11Oh, Gordon, love.
41:14Finished!
41:15This challenge is complete.
41:18Your time is up.
41:20Oh, some of them are awful.
41:22Fucking hell.
41:24Come on, get them on the mannequins.
41:26Can we have Gordon, please?
41:27Come on, then, let's see.
41:29The walk of shame.
41:33Oh, Christ, Gordon.
41:35Is that finished?
41:36Yes.
41:36That's not finished.
41:37That's not finished, man, come on.
41:41I think Tom Daley will think this is high-end fashion.
41:44He would wear that.
41:45And last but not least, dip tea.
41:47Go on, dip tea.
41:48Oh.
41:50Not bad.
41:51Oh, look at that.
41:52That looks pretty good, actually.
41:54Yeah.
41:54Oh, whoops.
42:00I can't get it over his head.
42:03Oh.
42:04Unfortunately not.
42:05Oh.
42:06I'd be like, your head's just massive, Tom.
42:08It's not what to do with my neck hole.
42:11Gordon, where's your scissors?
42:12Yeah.
42:13Do a bit of sneaking.
42:14Look what I rustled up.
42:17Who made that?
42:18Me?
42:20Liar.
42:24In Kent.
42:25Just play a song and we'll guess what it is.
42:27Right, this one goes out to all my family.
42:30The people that really got me here, the man I am today.
42:33This one's for you guys.
42:34Michael, Sally and their sons, Jake and Harry.
42:38Oh, God.
42:48That is killers.
42:50Yes.
42:51Yes.
42:52Yes.
42:53The man.
42:55No, it's Mr. Brightside.
42:56Mr. Brightside.
42:57You got the hot end.
42:59How did you get that?
43:00That was pretty good.
43:01On Friday, ITV brought us news of more problems at the palace.
43:06What are you doing?
43:08It's just sniffing the cushion.
43:11Just sniffing the fit.
43:12Pass the sniff test.
43:13Yeah, it does.
43:14You watch the news still?
43:16Lovely doggy.
43:18Good girl.
43:20This is the ITV Lunchtime News with Geraint Vincent.
43:25Oh, it's Geraint Vincent.
43:26I do like him.
43:27Good afternoon.
43:27The formal process of removing the man now known as Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor from British
43:33public life has begun.
43:35Mountbatten-Windsor.
43:36What a twatty name.
43:37It still sounds all right, though.
43:38His name sounds a bit better.
43:40It still sounds posh, doesn't it?
43:41It sounds a bit better than our names, isn't it?
43:43Following the king's announcement that his brother will no longer be called a prince.
43:46Good.
43:46His titles have been struck out from the official record of the peerage.
43:50And he's also struck off of the royal website.
43:53He's not there anymore.
43:54No, he's not.
43:55His name's off.
43:56A long time come in this.
43:58It has.
43:59I think it was the only thing they could do, really.
44:02It's a major thing to lose prince, isn't it?
44:04It is.
44:04But the one thing they cannot do is stop him being eighth in line to the throne.
44:09They have to make sure the first seven don't travel together.
44:11Exactly.
44:12Mr Mountbatten-Windsor continues to deny the allegations against him.
44:16Mister?
44:17Did you hear him then?
44:18Mister Andrew.
44:19Last night, Prince Andrew became Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor, stripped of his remaining titles.
44:25That is for you, man.
44:26Oh, I don't.
44:27Everybody just knows him as Prince Andrew.
44:29You know, Andrew.
44:31Andrew who?
44:32Prince Andrew.
44:33Forced to give up the sprawling mansion, he's called home since 2004.
44:37Oh, did him?
44:38Yeah, that's pretty sprawling.
44:40I mean, that is insane for somebody who was not even a working member of the royal family for the last five years.
44:46Andrew had refused to move out, citing a cast-iron 75-year lease on Royal Lodge.
44:52Cheeky beggar.
44:53He'd have to have forced me to give up that as well.
44:55But he was given little choice by his brother and has surrendered the lease.
44:59Go on, Charles, you get them out.
45:01He'll soon move to the Sandringham Estate in Norfolk, privately owned by the King.
45:05Oh, Norfolk's lovely.
45:07Yeah, keep an eye on the pest there, can't he?
45:10Whoa.
45:10Oh, he's really been banished, hasn't he?
45:12No one wants to go to Norfolk.
45:14Nobody wants to live in Norfolk.
45:16Purgatory.
45:17That's the worst thing for me, would be living in Norfolk.
45:20How long have you known about Andrew and X?
45:22How long have you known about Andrew and Epstein?
45:25These simmering tensions boiled over in recent weeks, causing chaos during the King's visit to Litchfield Cathedral.
45:31You see, the King's getting the backlash of it all, isn't he?
45:34Yes, because he should have done something.
45:35It's his brother.
45:36Yeah.
45:37He's the King of the country.
45:38The royal family now forced to act to avoid further reputational damage, hoping that all of this will finally draw a line under a long-running series of scandals.
45:48Every family has a black sheep, Nuttie.
45:50Not necessarily.
45:53Who's the black sheep in your family?
45:55Oh, no.
45:56I feel like his name, having the name Andrew Botmount Windsor, sounds better.
46:04With Prince at the start, now they've took that off.
46:07His name's just terrible.
46:09And you can stream or watch Game of World, Britain's Best Knitter, this Sunday at 8, where they bring both cuteness and comedy, putting their handmade hats onto dogs.
46:37After which, something altogether different, Forbidden Love in the Troubles.
46:41New drama, Trespasses, with Gillian Anderson, starts at 9.
46:44Next night, JK Barry, Judy Love, Zach Polenski and The Last Leg, live.
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