- 4 months ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Who can do the best dinosaur roar?
00:04Shall I Izzy do one?
00:06Can Bobby do one?
00:09Can Mummy do one?
00:14Oh, God.
00:15Can Ezra do one?
00:18Whoa! That was scary!
00:25Yes!
00:26Ooh! Happy days!
00:28Oh, Danielle, I like this.
00:29He's gone and done and did it.
00:30I don't trust him because he's teetotal.
00:32Oh, no! No!
00:33Cryptic that in there. Convoluted that.
00:35Oh, no, no.
00:37What a waste of a muffin.
00:41What's that?
00:42Unacceptable!
00:44Yeah!
00:45What the hell?
00:47Is that it?
00:48There's not much evidence of man boob, is there, Mary?
00:51Oh, I hate Swiss roll.
00:52Oh, no.
00:53Oh, no.
00:55Oh, he's a badger.
00:56Yes, he's a badger.
00:58Oh, man, he's got one in and one out.
01:00It's the kind of trash I endure.
01:02Was that good for you as it was for me?
01:05In the week ITV turned 70, we enjoyed lots of great telly.
01:12A scandal was brewing in the staff room on BBC One.
01:15You'll be able to put your side of the story across during the inquiry.
01:18I don't believe this.
01:20Because I was a supervisor, they'd always, if there was an investigation, can you take notes?
01:25Can I?
01:26I used to love it.
01:27Yeah.
01:28She's done what?
01:29And then everything said in this room is strictly private and confidential.
01:33Straight out of the door.
01:34Of course it is.
01:35Of course it is.
01:36Straight in the brew room.
01:38She's been nicking!
01:42The Chelsea set hit the beach on E4.
01:46Thanks.
01:48Hello.
01:49Imagine having perky tits that you could wear a top like that with no bra on walk down beach.
01:53I was literally just thinking that.
01:57Might have been more.
02:00And ITV News was breaking all the big stories.
02:0412.30, Sunday lunch from ITV1 and STV.
02:06Now finally this evening there is just one rule that magicians must abide by.
02:10Don't reveal your secrets.
02:11That is perhaps why a pen and teller, an act seen by millions around the world.
02:15How long was that sentence?
02:17Did you notice that?
02:18She didn't even draw a second bit of breath.
02:20The lung capacity.
02:21The lung capacity.
02:22I was waiting for some pause or something.
02:24Nothing.
02:25That's why Julie Etchingham does what she does.
02:27She's a professional man.
02:28That lung capacity man, forget it.
02:30She's like a rapper isn't she?
02:31Yeah.
02:32Do you think that before the news comes up she goes...
02:35Yeah.
02:43By the way, if I do die Mary, I want to insist on something.
02:48I don't want the Frank Sinatra song I did it my way at the funeral.
02:52You didn't do it at all let alone doing it your way.
02:55No, I didn't do it.
02:56But also I don't want Bohemian Rhapsody either.
02:59No.
03:00Giles and his wife Mary.
03:02What do you want?
03:03I wish it could be Christmas Every Day by Slade.
03:06You couldn't want that.
03:07Erm.
03:08That would be so annoying.
03:11Annoying right to the last minute.
03:15On Sunday night, a brand new group of brave singles were saying I do again on E4.
03:22They get married at first sight.
03:24It took you seven years to ask me.
03:27I don't want to make a mistake, do I?
03:29Coming in.
03:30Yikes.
03:31OK, this is more comfy.
03:33I haven't seen it.
03:37No, have I?
03:38Just the title makes me feel.
03:39I've heard about it, yes.
03:40I thought it was ridiculous.
03:42The first to enter the experiment is 31-year-old Sarah.
03:46See, she's getting on so she could do with getting married anyway.
03:5031's getting on?
03:52I want to be married by the time I'm 30.
03:54I usually don't get approached by men that often.
03:57I'm having too much of a good time.
03:59Oh, recruitment consultant.
04:00You know what they're like.
04:01That's a bit of you.
04:02That's a bit of you.
04:03I just love a bad boy.
04:06Oh, no.
04:07Shame.
04:08What are you looking at me for?
04:11I'm looking for a man who will cheat on me, lie to my face, and call me a bitch.
04:19I really want to find a nice guy, and yeah, that somebody is just going to be my knight
04:24in shining armour.
04:25Yes.
04:26Oh, God love you.
04:27Not your usual type doll.
04:28No.
04:29But then she'll go for the usual type.
04:30I know, I know, I know.
04:32None of us learn, do we?
04:35My perfect husband would be someone who can match my energy.
04:39There he comes.
04:40Oh, there he is.
04:41Is this going to be a knight in shining armour?
04:43A bit of a joker.
04:45Oh, he looks nice.
04:46I'm no expert.
04:47She don't like him.
04:48Who can have fun with me, have great sense of humour.
04:52And we're watching him laugh in slow motion to know that he's fun.
04:56If he doesn't look like what, I would usually go for.
04:59It doesn't matter.
05:00I'm going to be open-minded.
05:01Will she, though?
05:02Yeah.
05:03I hope so.
05:04I've always been the cute, nice guy.
05:07Oh, look at his dimples!
05:09My friends would describe me as a cheeky chap.
05:12Oh, he's a bad boy, all right, isn't he?
05:14Oh, yeah.
05:15I love to make sure people laugh and around me are having fun.
05:18Go on, Dean, yeah?
05:19He does seem like a nice guy.
05:21He does seem like a nice guy.
05:23You could take him home to your grandma.
05:25You could.
05:26He'd be a good plus one at a party.
05:28I've been lucky enough to work in a variety of professions all based around entertainment.
05:31I started years ago as a redcoat at Butlins.
05:34He ain't got no bad boy in him at all.
05:37Like, I'm telling you, which bad boy goes to Butlins?
05:42Also a jack-of-all-trades.
05:43I do magic.
05:44I've done puppeteering.
05:45What the hell?
05:46Oh, this is not for me.
05:48OK, he's lost me at puppet.
05:49Sorry, I'm out.
05:50I can do circus skills, singing, rapping.
05:52He is Mr. Entertainer.
05:54Isn't he?
05:55I think he is what she needs or what she thinks she wants.
05:59Yeah.
06:00But...
06:01He's not.
06:02No.
06:03He's not going to be setting your undies on fire, love.
06:05Do you know what I can say?
06:06Well, he might be as part of the magic act, but...
06:08What?
06:11Wedding day.
06:12Oh, God, I'm all nervous.
06:16There he is.
06:17Oh, look at him.
06:18Oh, I love the dicky bow.
06:24Hi.
06:25Oh, friends are judging already.
06:27Oh!
06:29He is definitely not Sarah's type.
06:32Yes, we know that.
06:33We know that.
06:34But she's going to be open and try something new.
06:37Oh, here we go, sir.
06:40I know, I know.
06:41He's going to love you.
06:42She looks so beautiful in her dress.
06:44Look at that.
06:46There's the first look.
06:50What's your name?
06:51Sarah.
06:52What's your name?
06:53My name's Dean.
06:54Dean.
06:55Oh, I don't know.
06:56Sarah seems happy as well.
06:57Just her friends don't seem happy for her.
06:59It started off good.
07:00The personality's there.
07:01I hope she's feeling the same.
07:03Oh!
07:04She can't look at her.
07:05She's not looking at her.
07:06She's not even looking at her.
07:07Oh, no.
07:09No, I don't fancy Dean.
07:11Oh, no!
07:12Oh, no!
07:13But you don't have to fancy.
07:14It's not all about...
07:15Oh, sorry.
07:16More to marriage than that.
07:17Yeah.
07:18Doesn't matter about look 30 seconds ago.
07:21There you go.
07:23Sarah.
07:24I don't know anything about you yet.
07:26But I can't wait to discover all the idiosyncrasies that make you who you are.
07:30Love that, Dean, man.
07:31The what?
07:32Indiosyncrasies?
07:34Indiosyncrasies?
07:35And there's something I've prepared.
07:38Oh, I'm excited.
07:40Oh, God.
07:41Oh, dear.
07:42No, don't.
07:43If it's magic, stop now.
07:45When I saw you in that dress today, you did more than take my breath away.
07:49Oh, no, it's a wrap!
07:50No!
07:52Fucking no!
07:54Stop!
07:55All my fears alleviate.
07:56I know we're gonna be okay.
07:58He's been a bad boy!
08:00Come on, what's up with you lot, man?
08:02Come on, you see, this is why man can't get it right.
08:05Why we're matched, we may not know.
08:07Trust the experts and build a home.
08:09Oh, God.
08:10Oh, God.
08:11Like, what the hell?
08:13Are we still going?
08:14It is like putting chicken in a vodka tonic, this.
08:18Everybody sing with me.
08:21No!
08:22No!
08:23No!
08:24Everybody sing with me!
08:25When I say wed, you say ding!
08:27Wed!
08:28Wed!
08:29Oh, for heaven's sake.
08:30He's just the type of person that can't be embarrassed.
08:33Like, someone could pull his pants down at the altar.
08:36Oh, yeah.
08:37He just can't be shown up.
08:38Yeah.
08:39You never know, Jane.
08:40Maybe he will grind her down and she'll start liking him.
08:45You don't really want to grind someone down for them to begin to like you, do you?
08:49Really?
08:50Well, that's always been my strategy, Jane.
08:57How have you settled into the new job, the nabs?
09:00It was so strange on Monday, Tuesday.
09:03I felt like the new girl on the block.
09:06And I know it was the same office, but I just felt like it was a different place completely.
09:11Best friends, Abby and Georgia.
09:13Anyway, by the end of the week, I did build up the confidence to say to Holly, who I sit next to,
09:19do you mind if I eat my ham sandwich next to you?
09:22Oh, no.
09:23I'd say, yeah, go away.
09:25Bearing in mind, it's only corn ham, so it doesn't smell or anything.
09:29That's so funny.
09:30Usually I have an egg sandwich, though.
09:32Oh, God.
09:33Well, ask Holly about that next time.
09:35And I got confident eating the egg sandwich in the finance department, but I thought I can't come first week with an egg sandwich.
09:41No.
09:42I think give it a few months.
09:43Maybe it's after Christmas.
09:44On Monday night, the West Londoners were off on tour again on E4.
09:49What would you drink if he was really posh and he was in Chelsea?
09:52I don't know if Kyle was El Grey, I think. El Grey would be fine for me.
09:58Why are we talking like this?
09:59I don't really know.
10:01But people in Chelsea really have nice teeth.
10:03We don't talk like this all, Sam.
10:05I don't think so.
10:10You love this, don't you?
10:11Oh!
10:12In another life, I would be a Chelsea girl.
10:14Well, yeah, see, that's what I was getting to.
10:16I got a taxi home last night from King's Cross at about 11 o'clock.
10:20And he drove all through Chelsea.
10:22Well, it's a nice place to live, you know.
10:24It's not too shabby.
10:25Yeah.
10:26I didn't see any of these Muppets, but...
10:31Have you never been to Thailand?
10:33My friends Linda and Jackie have been there.
10:35It's very...
10:36It's a hot spot, lots of steps.
10:38I wouldn't recommend it.
10:43Oh!
10:44I see.
10:45We're at the kickboxing.
10:46We are.
10:47Oh, I love a bit of boxing.
10:48Yeah, he's really good.
10:50That's what could be the reason.
10:51There's a few pounds being put on.
10:53It's because I'm not doing my boxer size.
10:59Oh, it's starting to rain.
11:01Oh, it's raining.
11:02Anybody picked you up and carried you?
11:04Look at me.
11:05No, I don't think so.
11:06The only time that happened to me was when I drunkenly fell off the scooter in New York.
11:14How was your night last night?
11:15Yeah, I had a fun night.
11:16I had a really fun night.
11:17This is Freddy.
11:18Good, I'm glad.
11:19Until I saw something so sus.
11:21What?
11:22What did you see that was suspect, love?
11:24What does sus mean?
11:25Suspicious.
11:26Oh!
11:27Everything's shortened nowadays.
11:28Oli had his hand on Bex's inner thigh.
11:30Oh, no!
11:31Do you know Freddy?
11:32It was going up with Bex.
11:33Yes.
11:34Oli and Freddy are best mates and Oli's trying to get in there with Freddy's ex.
11:38As if that's not bloody mate code, is it?
11:41I did see Bex and Oli kiss.
11:43Oh!
11:45That.
11:46Oli wouldn't do that.
11:47Well, he fucking has, pal!
11:49He would.
11:50He did, apparently.
11:51Kiss more than once.
11:52No, no, no, no, but he's...
11:54He's told me...
11:55Oh, Freddy's actually upset!
11:56Oh, God!
11:57He feels betrayed.
11:58Oh, mate.
11:59It's not nice to hear...
12:00I know exactly how you feel.
12:01He's gutted.
12:02He's gonna...
12:03He's gonna faint.
12:04Oh!
12:05Sorry, pal!
12:06Tense!
12:07He struck me about that as well!
12:09He's fucking knocked me for six, sis!
12:11Fuck him!
12:12No!
12:13Fuck him!
12:14Fuck him!
12:15Fuck him!
12:16Fuck him!
12:17They're, like, proper...
12:20snogging each other on the beanbags.
12:22Is that another word for bristles?
12:24Snogging each other on the beanbags.
12:27Beanbags!
12:28I'm sorry, I missed that.
12:29Stop it!
12:30How have you been feeling the last, like, 24 hours?
12:34Are you okay?
12:35Um, I mean, obviously, it's not ideal with Freddy and I's situation.
12:38I've heard that he's pretty angry at me.
12:41Fuming.
12:42Yeah.
12:43Yeah.
12:44He is.
12:45You should have spoke to him first, you twit.
12:47One-on-one, you start to sort of like them.
12:50Ultimately, mate.
12:51Oh, here we go.
12:52Here we come.
12:53Come on, Freddy!
12:54Yes?
12:55There's nothing really to worry about, as long as you just...
13:01Oh!
13:02Ooh!
13:03What an entrance!
13:04I'm living for this!
13:05Oily, you have outdone yourself, mate.
13:08There's nothing more intimidating than a slow cat walking over.
13:12What's up, Gene?
13:13You all right?
13:14How are you?
13:15Hi, Finn.
13:16Not only are you a gigantic bellend...
13:18Oh!
13:19Gigantic bellend.
13:20Well, you can ask Bex about that, eh?
13:22A wallet.
13:23Do you know what a bellend is?
13:25A what?
13:26He just said you're a gigantic bellend.
13:28Never heard of it.
13:29I fucking...
13:30I hate you, Ollie.
13:31Oh!
13:32Would you go that far?
13:33I hate you!
13:35Come here, no.
13:36Come back and fucking deal with this like a mask.
13:37If you're going to talk to me like I'm a piece of shit...
13:39Oh!
13:40Oh!
13:41He's coming back!
13:42He's coming back!
13:43You're a piece of shit, Ollie!
13:44Oh, he's shaking!
13:45You are a piece of shit, Ollie!
13:46I can't trust you.
13:47We're never going to be friends again.
13:48I mean that wholeheartedly.
13:49There is no coming back from this.
13:50Ever.
13:51You can't go where your mates exit.
13:53I can't trust you.
13:54We're never going to be friends again.
13:56I mean that wholeheartedly.
13:57There is no coming back from this.
13:58Ever.
13:59You can't go where your mates exit.
14:01Ever.
14:02You can't go where your mates exit.
14:03What have you done?
14:04If you was in the same position, me and you broke up.
14:07And then one of your best friends moves in on me.
14:10I'd just say best of luck with it.
14:13Thanks for that.
14:15A bellend.
14:16OK.
14:17Imagine a man's appendage.
14:19Oh, yeah.
14:20OK.
14:21Have you got it now?
14:22Yeah.
14:23OK.
14:24Well, that's a bellend.
14:25If you call someone a bellend, it's the end of their knob.
14:26I've never heard of that.
14:27It's like a dickhead.
14:28OK.
14:29You must remember that bellend.
14:33Yeah.
14:34Yeah.
14:43In Bristol.
14:44Yo, man, let me never guess what I did.
14:46What's that?
14:47I went to orchestra by candlelight.
14:49Oh, I've been wanting to do that.
14:51You?
14:52Yeah.
14:53I've changed.
14:54Brothers Tremaine, Twain and Tristan.
14:56I'm not going to lie, I've changed.
14:57Best experience I've experienced for a long while.
15:00Well, I...
15:01Yeah, so I need to do that.
15:02See, he's climbing mountains and he's doing orchestra by candlelight.
15:05Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
15:06This guy, bro, what up to you, lad?
15:07At 25, I've changed.
15:11On Tuesday night, Waterloo Road opened up the school gates for a new term on BBC One.
15:17Have you seen this before, Lee?
15:19Do you look like I used to watch it years ago?
15:21Yeah.
15:22I like it.
15:23I'd go to high school tomorrow.
15:24Would you?
15:25I loved every minute of it.
15:26I think I would as well, you know.
15:31John Richardson, is he the comedian?
15:33Not THE John Richardson!
15:35Has he turned to acting now?
15:37Bloody hell!
15:42I tell you what, if I actually went to school at Waterloo Road, I'd get nothing done,
15:45because I'd be that starstruck.
15:47You know, I'd be like, that's Kim Marsh over there.
15:48I know Kim Marsh taking English.
15:50Yeah.
15:51And I'll see you.
15:54What's that on the sides?
15:56Oh my god, is that drugs?
16:01Who's sniffing with our schools?
16:05John Richardson!
16:09Has he taken something out that packet to get him through the deed?
16:14He may be.
16:15But isn't it a blessing that neither you nor I is addicted to?
16:17We may be.
16:18Cocaine.
16:19Cocaine ketamine or fentanyl or the other stuff skunk mr. Donovan hey
16:26Sorry, you got a new start. I look about you. Is this his first day? Literally a high school teacher
16:36Love you don't get it's all right
16:39When you're ready mr. Charles is this the morning huddle? This is Darius Donovan
16:44He will be joining us as our new creative arts teacher great advance. Do you do creative arts at your school?
16:50Can't get me away from the art department
16:52You're very arty aren't you jake?
16:55And another not so new member of staff that really deserves a mention is mark todd
16:59Mark has been shortlisted for the Northwest Teacher of the Year Award
17:05How's he now shortlisted not won it yet?
17:08Oh
17:13Darius isn't impressed is he he doesn't seem amused that he's like a bit of a hater yeah
17:24Dropping his back on floor at school
17:28No way oh my gosh mr. Todd's found the packet is that what I think it is yes
17:33It is I listen mr. Todd's teacher the year, you know, he's definitely gonna snitch. Yeah, I thought I've seen things
17:41One of the kids must have dropped it
17:43Oh
17:44Oh my god blaming a kid
17:47Hi, mr. Todd
17:49He's put them in his pocket. Well because the pupils were going past he could hardly keep them in his hand
17:54If I was him I'd be straight to the headmaster's office. Yeah, this is insane
17:58Can you see his mind going I can get him fired and I'll be the Northwest best teacher
18:04Wow, I was Darius got away with that as well. Hey
18:09Now that is the face of a teacher. He's been here a few years a few hours. I've just lost 30 quid at the fucking coke
18:17Do you know the expression caught between a rock and a hard place?
18:20What's he gonna say what's he gonna tell him I saw mr. Todd's?
18:30With drugs. Oh, you
18:33Horrible little quizling all because mr. Todd's up for getting an award and he wants to be top dog round here
18:39He's taking you mr. Todd down. Do you know what?
18:42We we please just forget I said anything forget I said anything. How can you forget that?
18:47Well, I'll tell you what I'll keep your name out of it. Cheers pal. You're a goodin. Oh
18:53I'll keep your name out of it. That's what you want
18:57You've played right into his hand
19:00Mark if you'd like to take a seat, please. I wanted to see you actually is she gonna speak to him about the drugs before we
19:07Tell her yeah
19:09No, we've had a report that you've got drugs on you
19:12It does have drugs aren't they're in his pocket? Yeah, yeah
19:15That that's why I came to see it. I'm I found something
19:19Outside the loser lunch. Oh my god now. He looks like he's lying
19:26You don't honestly think that he's mine. Oh, he's never gonna get teacher of the air now
19:30He's gonna score me off the premises given the severity of the accusation. We have no option but to call the police the police
19:36Oh, he's getting fucking nicked as well. Oh
19:39He was class I
19:41Poor bloke. Oh, it's horrendous Jane. Do you know what?
19:45John plays a very convincing knobhead don't he? It's a dark horse. He's John Richardson. He's a man of many talents
19:52In Kent who do you reckon show me the better driver are you two? Well, oh hands up. How old me? Absolutely
20:01Michael Sally and their sons Jake and Harry
20:05Why is it gonna be you because I'm older more mature my brain my frontal lobe is fully developed
20:11See I'm gonna prove to you right now. Well, I'm a better driver than Harry Harry which was left and right
20:17Right that way
20:22This week our favorite wildlife filmmaker was all at sea on Disney plus donning dolphins up close you sure you want to watch that?
20:30I am not sure that's the best idea with your past experience with dolphin
20:36I honestly think I must be the only person in the world that can comfortably say not comfortably actually
20:41But can truthfully say I was sexually assaulted by a dolphin or a dolphin tried to say
20:47Sexually assault me is probably the correct time
20:52Have you ever wanted to swim with dolphins?
20:54No, I can't swim. I don't like getting my hair wet. I'm sure last time we watched Bertie Gregory you said you fancied him. Well, has he got a pulse?
21:03Yeah, can't I do
21:05Look this is the place you wanted to go to the Azores
21:14Yes, it looks awful as a holiday destination
21:17Over the last 10 years I've become completely obsessed with searching the ocean for epic gatherings of predators
21:24There is no way you would catch me anywhere near an epic gathering of predators
21:28No
21:29In wildlife film we call these a bait ball and they attract a group of predators that you've never otherwise see together
21:35A bait ball. So what's in the bait ball? I wonder
21:37I know what a bait ball is. It's where they school all them fish together, isn't it?
21:42This could be the most diverse gathering of predators I've ever filmed
21:46Well, I think we might learn something here, Rosie
21:50Well, I think we might, yes
21:51Because usually we avoid animals like the plague
21:54It's a bumpy two-hour journey to the remote sea mountain
21:57Good God
21:59Two hours of...
22:00This is more like it
22:06Here we go
22:08Oh, look, so we're seeing some activity, some wildlife
22:11Dolphins arrived
22:17Wow
22:17Oh, look at them all
22:19My goodness
22:19Well, that's amazing
22:20That would be lovely to see
22:22But we wouldn't want to be underwater doing that
22:24The spotted and common dolphins try to herd the fish
22:28Look at the beautiful markings on them
22:31I'm triggered
22:32Circling the school, the predators tighten their grip
22:37There's the ball
22:38It's literally a ball
22:39It's literally a ball
22:40Look at how they move
22:42They're trying to get out of the way
22:43But something has spooked the dolphins
22:46Oh, shit, what's happened?
22:49I know
22:50Oh, here we go
22:50The apex predators come in
22:52Blue sharks
22:54Oh, my goodness
22:57See, that is why you won't catch me in the sea
23:00That shark has played an absolute blinder
23:08Yeah, but he's just got 150 dolphins, 400 birds to do his work
23:12And now he's just going to clean up that shell
23:14It's come, he's eaten all the food and then he's buggered off
23:18This is...
23:19You are the shark
23:20But the feast isn't over
23:23The dolphins are back for one final showdown
23:27Oh, here we go
23:28Oh, they've come back
23:29Come on, dolphins
23:30You can do it
23:31Get your ball back
23:32The bait ball is forced upwards
23:35Does that mean the birds can eat it?
23:38Yeah
23:39Nowhere to go
23:40Down come the shearwaters
23:42Oh, look at that lot
23:45This is insane
23:47Diving to more than 50 feet
23:50What the friggin' hell?
23:54This doesn't look real
23:55I don't think it is
23:56And it's not over yet
23:59What else can happen?
24:03Who's this now?
24:04The commotion draws the attention of a minky whale
24:07Ooh, a minky whale
24:11A minky whale
24:13Oh!
24:17Straight through the middle
24:18He ate lots there, Em
24:22You greedy bastard
24:24Tough day to be a fish
24:27Yeah
24:27I am not trying to get in the ocean and swim with no dolphins
24:31Why?
24:32It looks too scary
24:33But you've got all them bikinis, man
24:35That you're taking to St Vincent with you
24:38They ain't for the dolphins, Mum
24:39Who they're for?
24:43Glow the gins!
24:53In Leeds
24:54I was fuming when I got here
24:55And Toby were parked in my car parking spot
24:58Well, I did say to him
25:00You know, Ellie's going to be madly inconvenienced
25:01And she's going to have to walk five more steps to get to my front door
25:04And she ain't going to be happy about it
25:05Yeah?
25:06And he went, well, I don't care
25:08Sisters Ellie and Izzy
25:10Do you know what?
25:11I said, I actually did confront him about it
25:14And then he did offer to move his car and put my car there
25:17But I said, no
25:18No point now
25:19Damage is done
25:20Damage is done, yeah
25:21But I thought, do you know what?
25:23Nat would never do that
25:24He just wouldn't do it, would he?
25:29And I thought, do you know what?
25:30Toby is selfish
25:32I knew you were going to say that
25:33On Saturday night
25:35A couple of familiar faces were back together again on ITV1
25:39We cuppa this time
25:41Oh, lovely
25:41Thank you so much
25:43I feel terrible
25:44I'm just sitting down here
25:45Thank you
25:46Do you want some of this?
25:47Oh, yeah, please
25:48What are you looking at, the sardines?
25:49That one
25:49Ah!
25:55This is win-win
25:57No, this is, don't you?
25:58No, what is it?
25:59New melon soup
26:00Oh, they're back
26:02Oh, they're in business
26:08The power walking
26:09I tell you what
26:10I bet these two are glad they've been chucked to bone
26:13Yeah
26:13You've not seen them really together since Bake Off
26:16Yeah, quite sad actually
26:17It's more like a reunion this really, isn't it?
26:19It is, yeah
26:20In the programme, Mel and Sue were looking for answers
26:23Based on what a survey had said
26:26Question three is upon us, here it is
26:28Okay
26:28Okay
26:29Which of these unhygienic things have the most number of Brits done?
26:36Oh, no
26:36Oh, no
26:37This is going to be totally triggering for me
26:39I can't cope
26:40Not brush their teeth for a day
26:43How could you not brush your teeth for a day?
26:45Well, I'm...
26:47What?
26:49Because I have to put mine in
26:50Peeed in the shower
26:54Oh
26:55Popped someone else's spots
26:57Oh, no
26:59Done all the head
27:00The answer is...
27:04Peeed in the shower
27:06You do it as well, Masson
27:08I've never done it
27:08Masson does it in the bath
27:10According to our survey, what's the most common tattoo design among Brits?
27:18A sheep
27:18I don't think so
27:21It's either tribal barbwire, sweetie pie or a dolphin above an animal
27:26Yeah
27:26Butterfly?
27:27Dragon
27:28Loved one's name
27:29I've got a butterfly
27:30No, I've just got my brothers and sisters' names there
27:33Butterfly
27:34Butterfly, apparently all girls
27:36I've got one at the top of their back bottoms
27:38All girls of a certain age
27:41Really?
27:42Yeah
27:42The answer is...
27:44Butterfly
27:46A butterfly?
27:47Butterfly
27:48Oh, my God
27:49What's wrong with people?
27:51I'm common
27:51Boring
27:52No shock there
27:53No shock there
27:53Yeah
27:54No shock there
27:55Two best studio players will now face one final question to win that cash card
28:00And that, to remind everybody, is loaded with 25,000 smackaroos
28:05Oh, I could just do with that right now
28:07You see, this is wrong
28:08Because it's making Britons think that if you go on a game show
28:12You'll win money rather than working for it
28:15So we ask the nation
28:16Which physical attribute do you find most attractive in other people?
28:21Great game, this, isn't it?
28:23Elbows, 100%
28:24Personality, oh, physical
28:26Good bomb
28:27Clean fingernails
28:27Nice skin
28:28Height
28:28Good posture
28:30Not asked about hair or eyes
28:32They don't need any of them
28:34Legs
28:35You're just saying yours
28:37Yeah
28:37Based on a survey
28:40What first attracted you to Percy, Sarah?
28:43Beautifully shaped hands
28:44James, you did best in that round
28:47So you're going to go first
28:48What are you thinking?
28:49I'll go for smile
28:50Teeth
28:51Yeah
28:52Smile
28:56Right
28:57Smile
28:58Graham, what are you going to go with?
29:00I always used to look at mums
29:02I'd probably say good teeth
29:06Yeah, he's got good teeth
29:08He's got good teeth
29:08They're talking about themselves
29:10They are talking about selling themselves
29:12Is the smile going to be higher or lower than Graham's teeth?
29:17Do you think it's higher?
29:18Just have a look
29:19Smile and good teeth are the same thing
29:20They are not the same thing
29:22Oh, smile number one
29:30And he's smiling now
29:32He's smiling like this
29:34Well done, James
29:38Do you know what?
29:40That's what it's all about for me
29:41Seeing somebody who's gone on there
29:43Had a go and they've won a nice couple of quid
29:45Exactly
29:46Nothing too taxing, neither
29:47Yeah
29:48Warms the cockles of my heart
29:49Yeah
29:50Lovely
29:52And it's nice to see Mel and Sue
29:54You know, are back at the trough
29:56Yeah
29:56In Caffilly
30:00You've bought a quiche, haven't you?
30:02What's in there?
30:03Amourk
30:03Is it amourk, is it?
30:05Yeah
30:05You had that on the plane
30:07Oh, would you love that?
30:09Yeah
30:09But you had bechamel sauce and all
30:10I took that off with the paper
30:12Dave and his wife, Shirley
30:14It didn't say bechamel sauce
30:16It said mature cheddar
30:19In with the hock
30:21And then on top
30:22More cheddar
30:23I read it
30:25No, I read it
30:26No
30:27In the in-flight
30:27No
30:28Caffy
30:29No, it didn't
30:30No, it didn't
30:30I
30:30I
30:31Mature cheddar
30:32No
30:33With ham hock
30:34No
30:35And bechamel sauce
30:36No, it didn't
30:37On Friday night
30:39There was exciting news
30:40For wannabe spooks on ITV
30:43Oh, you said stop you Sean
30:46You're on a diet
30:46Don't do it
30:47Back away from the donut Sean
30:49Are there any biscuits to go with that plate?
30:50Hey, love
30:55What's that for?
30:57Well, you'll be going home soon
30:58Or now
30:58I'm not going home yet
31:01I want to watch the news
31:02Bloody shift
31:04Oh, do you know
31:05What you don't have to make me feel welcome
31:07You
31:07Where's my coat?
31:09You'll be giving me that next
31:10No, no, don't bother
31:11I'm not going
31:12It was good and bad news today
31:14For anyone hoping to become an MI6 spy
31:17Oh, haven't they found your CV yet?
31:19No, they haven't found my application
31:21I put it in
31:22I put it in yesterday
31:23On the one hand
31:25The agencies opened up
31:26A new recruitment site
31:27For applications
31:28Who are you going to play?
31:31Would you fancy that?
31:32Yes
31:33On the other
31:33It can only be found on the dark web
31:36Oh, what's that?
31:37So can you not find it on LinkedIn?
31:39No
31:39Notorious as a hive
31:41Of insidious and incriminating websites
31:43I thought the dark web
31:45Was for buying gums
31:46And things like that
31:47It's the first test of MI6
31:48Find us on the dark web
31:50That's really clever
31:52I bet you could get on the dark web
31:53Using your new VPN that you got
31:55To watch telly abroad
31:57I don't know how to get on
32:00I use it for legitimate reasons
32:03Of course, it's really aimed at aspiring agents
32:07In hostile states like Russia and North Korea
32:10To get in touch
32:11So they're trying to get spies from different countries
32:13To tell us their secrets
32:15But I'm not being funny
32:16Why are they going to want to tell us?
32:18Ain't that putting them in mortal danger?
32:20It could be
32:21But if you get paid enough
32:23Who cares?
32:25MI6's latest recruitment drive
32:27Is via a dedicated portal on the dark web
32:30I might go on the dark web
32:31Tonight
32:33Where is the dark web anyway?
32:37Have I got it on my computer?
32:39I don't know
32:39I don't know
32:40I've not done it
32:41Our appeal today is not to Russians alone
32:43Anyone
32:44Anywhere in the world
32:46With access to sensitive information
32:48Oh yeah
32:48I can really see the Taliban
32:50Logging in from the hills above Afghanistan
32:53Going
32:54I'll sign up for the MI6 website
32:56Relating to terrorism
32:58Or hostile intelligence activity
33:00Can use the new portal to contact MI6
33:04So this is like snitch book
33:06So basically
33:07It's a website where you can go and snitch on your country
33:10And not be traced
33:11Surely they could just do it on
33:13Not on dark web
33:14They could do it on normally
33:16We'll set up a Facebook group
33:17Yeah
33:17MI6 are now using social media platforms
33:20To also attract new recruits
33:22What's the difference between MI5 and MI6?
33:26One
33:26One number
33:28What do you mean?
33:31Can you just like work in the canteen at MI6?
33:33Do you have to go through the dark web
33:34To get a job there as well?
33:36So maybe
33:36Yeah
33:38This bab tastes like Novichok
33:47Can you hear me breathing?
33:53I'm a bit chesty today
33:55Do you know I sit around?
33:56Go to shop and get me some Maluga honey
33:59I've got some lemon
34:00And a bottle of lemonade
34:02Best friends Jenny and Lee
34:04The phone rings
34:05The phone rings
34:05Jenny
34:07What?
34:09I'm at the honey
34:10How will I hear?
34:13I said what do you mean how will I hear?
34:15He said well the Maluga honey is £14.95
34:17And the next one down is £3.95
34:20I'm just asking you all
34:22How will I hear?
34:23What did you say?
34:24Not very well
34:25I just went
34:25£3.95
34:26Just get the £3.95
34:27£3.95
34:28£14
34:30£14 quid
34:30I've never heard of what's it called?
34:32Yeah
34:32Maluga
34:33Where's it from?
34:34Er
34:34Tesco's
34:35On Sunday night
34:39We took to the skies
34:40For a nail-biting ride
34:41On that geo
34:42Finally Julie
34:43Something from here now
34:44Top guns
34:46Right down my street this
34:47I've been out in like aircraft
34:50Getting flown around
34:51It's the bollocks
34:52You did one flying lesson
34:53Exactly
34:54I've got the taste for it
34:55I'm looking forward to this
35:00Top guns
35:01The next generation
35:03I mean you think you're
35:04Bloody Tom Cruise
35:05Don't you really?
35:06You're as short as him
35:07I'm taller
35:08That's where the resemblance
35:10Finishes really
35:11There's at least
35:12An inch and a half
35:13Between me and him
35:14My name is Austin Claggett
35:17I'm a First Lieutenant
35:18In the Marine Corps
35:19Hi Austin
35:20He looks like an Austin
35:21An all-American jock
35:23Austin is a good
35:24Name for a fighter pilot
35:25I don't know about Claggett
35:26Yeah
35:27My family definitely
35:29Knows me as Crazy Austin
35:31Crazy Austin?
35:33Bloody hell
35:33Not Crazy Claggett then
35:35That'd be better
35:36Crazy Claggett's much better
35:38I'll just do the things
35:39That no one else
35:40Would dare do
35:41I mean you pretty much
35:43Have to be a bit of a nutter
35:44Don't you to do this?
35:45Yeah
35:45I think Austin
35:46Is confident enough
35:48To get his wings
35:49You know
35:49He can talk the talk
35:51But we've got to see
35:52Whether he can walk the walk
35:53Walk the walk
35:53Oh
35:58Go straight into bombing
35:59Jesus
36:00This is where they've got to go in close
36:01To the target
36:02Release the bomb
36:03Then pull out to the dive
36:04Or whatever
36:05This takes a bit of balls
36:07This too
36:07You need him
36:08For this dry run
36:09It's all about staying calm
36:11And in control
36:12Well I couldn't do that
36:13Could you?
36:13Could you stay calm
36:14And be in control?
36:15Well I won't be in control
36:16That's for certain
36:17I'm nervous now
36:18And I'm just on the couch
36:19Last to perform the manoeuvre
36:20Is Austin
36:21Come on Austin
36:22You've got this Austin
36:24Isn't that what people say now Mary?
36:26Yes
36:27Here he goes
36:31Oh
36:31My stomach's going
36:33He's going in now
36:37Fucking hell
36:38It's a bit lively
36:38This isn't he fella
36:40He's breathing hard
36:43Oh my god
36:45That would be action quite terrifying
36:46That was the first time
36:47That I've been scared
36:51Oh he's having a little wobbly
36:53Because he's heading towards the ground
36:55And meteoric range
36:57He's thinking fuck
36:59Quite the sobering experience
37:01I imagine
37:02Hard pull
37:05Hard pull
37:05You've got to pull up now Austin
37:07No you've got to pull up now Austin
37:08Come on Austin
37:09You need to pull up
37:09Oh my days
37:13This is nuts
37:14Can you imagine going down that quick?
37:16Yeah
37:16A bit like the big dipper at Blackpool
37:19Isn't it really?
37:20No
37:21Well a bit like it
37:22No
37:22After the dry run
37:25Austin had to do the manoeuvre again
37:27Whilst dropping a bomb
37:29On a target
37:30They need to release their bombs
37:31Precisely at the right moment
37:33See how do you know when the right moment is?
37:35They need to pull up sharply
37:37They need to pull up sharply
37:37Before they reach the altitude limit of 3,000 feet
37:40Ah
37:40Because they can't go any lower than that
37:42That's correct
37:43Yeah
37:43That's the hard deck
37:44Yeah
37:45The point of no return
37:47Here we go
37:51God this is the real thing now Lee
37:53Hold your nerve
37:54Hold your nerve now
37:54Come on Bert
37:55He's coming down
37:56You're going too low
38:00Up, up, up
38:01He's got
38:01Well he's hit the target
38:06He's off
38:06But he's broken the deck
38:08Out of the chode
38:09No did he fuck it?
38:12It went under the 3,000
38:13No Austin
38:14We go low again
38:16We're going hot
38:18Oh he's going home
38:19He's got one more chance Lee
38:20One more chance
38:21He must be really twitchy now
38:23Don't you think?
38:25Heading 1, 1, 5
38:27It's coming in hot again
38:285,500
38:29Don't go too low
38:31Slow it down
38:323,000
38:363,000
38:36Oh he's near the mark
38:37Oh go on
38:38You're nearly there
38:39You're nearly there
38:40Go for it
38:41Now
38:41He's done it again
38:46No
38:46Oh no
38:48He's tacking gone low again
38:5117 feet
38:55Bullseye
38:56He's got a bullseye
38:57Yeah
38:57What a fucking low altitude
38:59Oh my god
39:00That's so unfair
39:01It's actually quite heartbreaking
39:02Because he's done one perfectly
39:03Not the other
39:04We're going hot
39:05Let's go
39:06It's Austin
39:11Turns out
39:12It's absolutely messed it up
39:13Oh
39:14Oh Phil
39:15I was like that three times
39:17For my driving lesson
39:18That's the first time
39:19Well yeah you shouldn't have done
39:20But I'll tell you now
39:21If that were me
39:22I'd take failure
39:23Rail it
39:23Rail it
39:24Personally
39:24I'd have dealt with it horribly
39:26And I'd have made a big scene
39:27I'd have ruminated
39:28And talked about it
39:29For the next six months
39:30Every day
39:31Six months
39:32Six years
39:33You'd be unbearable
39:34In Leeds
39:39Your eyebrows look really good
39:41I know
39:41My first ever tattoo
39:42And it's my eyebrows
39:43I want to touch it
39:44You can
39:45That's really good
39:46Isn't it
39:47It adds character to your face
39:49Best friends Danielle
39:50And Daniella
39:52What do you mean?
39:53I don't know
39:53You look like
39:54What like a cartoon character?
39:56No
39:56Oh
39:56Like you know
39:57I don't know
39:59Can you just say something nice please?
40:01It's nice
40:02When you say
40:03When you give people compliments
40:04You always tend to stutter
40:05Because it's so unnatural for you
40:08That you're like
40:09Nice
40:12This week
40:13Our favourite bunch of bad spies
40:15Were back on Apple TV Plus
40:17Here we are Julian
40:18Some proper tell it
40:19Who would have dreamt
40:20We'd be living
40:21Long enough
40:22To see another episode
40:23And dance
40:24With the beach balls again
40:27I tell you who could have been in MI5
40:30Who?
40:31Becky Potter and Sinead
40:33Yeah
40:33They were queen at FBI's weren't they?
40:36Queen of the FBI's
40:38Drive by FBI social media stalk
40:41On your mum's Netflix
40:42All they'd need is a first name
40:44That'd be it
40:45And a location
40:46Oh here we go
40:49Shh
40:50Jane
40:51I haven't said a word
40:52It started
40:53This looks dodgy doesn't it?
40:57It does?
40:57Why is it dodgy?
41:00Hello
41:01What did he get out of that van then?
41:03Can I give you a poster for the window?
41:04Oh the bank doesn't let us be political
41:06It's set him sat down on that bench there isn't it?
41:08Well he's got a bag
41:09Morning
41:09Hope Mayor Jaffrey can count on your vote
41:12Oh I have a feeling he's barking up the wrong tree here
41:15Oh lovey
41:16Read the room
41:17But Mayor Jaffrey offers hope
41:19Whereas
41:19What's he getting out of his bag?
41:21Gimbal wants to make run to...
41:23Holy shit
41:24Oh fucking hell
41:25That's a tool and a half
41:26Shit a brick man
41:28What are you...
41:29Get on the floor
41:30Get on the floor
41:31Oh shit
41:34Blood
41:34He's killing everybody
41:40Can you imagine?
41:42No
41:42Oh I knew it
41:46I knew he was going to get
41:47I was going to say to you
41:48I bet he gets shot in a minute
41:49What the fuck is happening?
41:52I'm sorry
41:52Did you see the blood coming out of his head?
41:56Who's he?
41:58Eh?
41:59That was the same van he got the gun out of
42:01Somebody's definitely got him to do all that shooting
42:04And then killed him
42:05Oh slow horses IT guy
42:12What's his name?
42:12Roddy
42:13Roddy
42:14You look like a right knobhead going through town like that
42:19You're hardly incognito
42:20No wonder you want the good as a spy
42:22Oh that was great
42:27Bloody hell
42:28You nearly got killed
42:29I know
42:30God it's that van again
42:33That's the van that we're doing the shooting
42:34It is
42:35What the fuck?
42:37Wait surely she's a slow horse as well
42:39Oh so his team mate has just saved his life
42:41Yeah and I think thank you is a word that
42:42You know Roddy should be looking for
42:44Witnesses describe the shooting as
42:46Using a shotgun or a rifle
42:48Oh here he is
42:49Like
42:49Eating in some greasy spoon
42:52Watching the telly
42:53Having a bit of breakfast
42:54Typical
42:54Well why are you mistaking this from my office?
42:57Well you're also not welcome
42:59Ha ha ha ha ha
43:00Oh pleasant as ever lamb
43:02Someone nearly ran hoe over
43:03Good for them
43:04Fuck off
43:05It was deliberate
43:06They drove straight at him
43:08So Shirley thinks that someone's trying to do a hit on Roddy
43:10What did it happen?
43:11Fan street
43:12No cameras
43:13Suspicious in itself
43:14It's what you call sus
43:15White transit van heading east
43:17Surely we should at least try and track it
43:20See Shirley's spider senses are tingling here
43:22Yeah and she's on the right lines
43:25Yes
43:25Trust your gut
43:26Are you going to take this seriously?
43:29I'm glad you asked me that
43:30No are you going to take this seriously?
43:32Fuck off
43:32Oh my god there's lots of fucks in this lane
43:35Ain't there?
43:36He's wanting nothing serious
43:37No I know
43:38A bit later
43:39Concerned for his safety
43:41River and Shirley had followed Roddy
43:43To a nightclub
43:44This is one of your scenes
43:48Isn't it?
43:49Ha ha ha ha
43:50It's very similar to
43:52Somewhere I would go to
43:53Yes
43:53They're not playing any pet shop boys
43:55True sir
43:56No I know
43:56I wouldn't like to go in that night
43:58No Duran Duran
43:59He's cutting some moves
44:04Or do you call it shapes?
44:06Ha ha ha
44:07Shapes darling
44:08Shapes
44:08She's seeing something like
44:14What's going on?
44:15What's going on?
44:15What's going on?
44:17What's she doing?
44:18Hang on a minute
44:19Is that what?
44:22No
44:22What the hell?
44:24What the fuck are you playing at?
44:26Shut you two out
44:28Oh they're going to be getting asked to leave
44:30They're having the shoulders fell
44:31Don't lose them Shirley
44:35Bullseye
44:38Roddy's gone off in his Prius
44:39So
44:42It's tonight the night
44:45It's tonight the night
44:46When to become one
44:49Oh it's Spice Girls
44:51Oh
44:52I'll have to remember that pick up line
44:55No Sian don't
44:56It's a bit cringe
44:57You know I really want to
44:58But I have to be
45:00I'm pretty early
45:01And I want it to be special
45:03Oh Roddy
45:04You've been strung along buddy
45:06She's not genuinely in this
45:08Is she?
45:08No
45:09Oh God
45:12She's having you on
45:14That's a good tactic
45:15If you don't want to snog
45:16Just put all your fingers in the mouth
45:18That's weird wasn't it
45:24Yeah
45:25That was really weird
45:26I think he's ugly
45:27She don't like him at all
45:31Look
45:31Oh hang on
45:34Something's going on
45:35He's heading into his flat
45:39See what fucks on this face
45:46That's definitely a honey trap
45:48She's double crossed him
45:49When was the last time you went to a nightclub?
45:53Uh Germany
45:5420
45:5523
45:57Seriously?
46:00Yeah
46:00Cologne
46:01Oh yeah Jane
46:03Oh
46:04Were you with the little people though?
46:06Yes
46:06And the German hardcore dancers
46:09Right
46:12So it's not really a nightclub
46:14Nightclub is it?
46:16It was a nightclub
46:17We just haven't taken over
46:18It was a safe nightclub then
46:21Not with me on the dance floor
46:24Oh God
Comments