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QI XL S23E04 Wavey

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😹
Fun
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00:00Music
00:05Music
00:10Music
00:23Good evening, and welcome to QI, where tonight we'll be struck by wave after wave of well waves.
00:39Making waves, it's Phil Wang.
00:44Surfing the waves, it's Sarah Pascoe.
00:50Mewling the waves, it's Tom Allen.
00:53And already waving a white flag, it's Alan Davis.
01:04Let's wave hello to our guests, Phil goes.
01:10Ooh, Sarah goes.
01:15Tom goes.
01:20And Alan goes.
01:21Bye-bye, baby, baby, goodbye, baby, bye-bye.
01:27Right, let's dive right in with question one.
01:31What is 4.8 inches long, begins with W, and is guaranteed to invigorate a frigid hamster?
01:39Phil Wang.
01:41Phil Wang.
01:43Phil Wang.
01:43Phil Wang.
01:52We're off and running.
01:53The experiments have proved very successful.
01:55Yeah.
01:56What were you going to say, Phil?
01:58A warm hamster, perhaps?
02:00Oh.
02:01A heated up one.
02:02Yeah, mine just gently microwaved.
02:04Can I just say that, out of nowhere, that is exactly the right answer.
02:10Oh!
02:12I thought we were all going to rip into you, because 4.8 inches is too big for a hamster.
02:24Is this a monster hamster?
02:25Okay, so I didn't necessarily say that the hamster was 4.8 inches, did I?
02:29I said, what is 4.8 inches long, begins with a W, and is guaranteed to invigorate a frigid hamster.
02:35Wheel.
02:36Wheel.
02:37No, it was microwave.
02:38You got the right answer, and now I'm having to tell you what it was.
02:42Microwave doesn't start with W.
02:44Well, it is the waves that start with W.
02:47Oh.
02:48It's going to be a long night, isn't it?
02:50It's like theme, it's waves.
02:53Have you ever been in a restaurant where they tell you it's all freshly done, and you turn to each other, and you go like this, right?
02:58You just go like that, and you go, that means it's been microwaved.
03:01So we do that in the restaurant, you go like that.
03:02I think you're a bit posher than some of us.
03:04Tiny waves.
03:05Tiny little microwave like that.
03:07It's not that subtle, I'd say.
03:09No.
03:10Since you do it in front of your face.
03:12Also, that means something else in Essex.
03:15So be careful.
03:174.8 inches.
03:18LAUGHTER
03:25In terms of microwaves, the very first domestic-sized microwave oven was invented to bring half-dead hamsters back to life.
03:34Oh, wow.
03:35I know.
03:36So, quick primer on how microwaves work.
03:37Anybody know how they work?
03:39Do they heat things up from the inside out?
03:41So, they have electromagnetic waves, and by definition, the wavelength can be anywhere from a millimetre to a metre, but they fire a wavelength of 4.8 inches.
03:51Ah, cool.
03:52Which is the thing that I asked about.
03:53And that is just the right size for the energy to be absorbed by the food, or in this case, by the hamster.
03:59So the energy in them is transferred to the food and heat it up.
04:02Don't try this at home.
04:03Yeah, I was about to say.
04:04Yeah.
04:05No, no, it's a very bad idea.
04:06Because that wouldn't work.
04:07It'd hurt them.
04:08Yeah.
04:09They'd be dead.
04:10Yeah.
04:11Is it the frequency of microwaves that make the water molecules shake, and that's what heat is?
04:15Yes, you're absolutely right, darling.
04:16It was really in-depth there, Phil.
04:17Yeah.
04:18I thought I was just coming here to mess around.
04:21Yeah.
04:22But you knew about the frequency of water molecules.
04:25I can't believe you've revised for the test.
04:27And why do they give us books on this?
04:30Yeah.
04:31Why were you scribbling, like, Good Will Hunting, like, it's off to the page?
04:34I'm just drawing waves for inspiration.
04:36Let's just see what I'm doing.
04:37Well, you were the first person to not draw a penis, so well done.
04:40Oh, it's a penis.
04:42Oh.
04:43A wavy one.
04:45Maybe just with very long pubes.
04:48So, 1950s, there was a British scientist called James Lovelock, and he was working on a project to freeze and then reanimate
04:56cell tissue, okay?
04:58Now, you can see that that could serve all sorts of useful medical purposes.
05:02So, preserved tissues for transplant would be a good example.
05:05So, I don't think you'd be allowed to do this now.
05:08He gave hamsters an hour-long ice bath of minus five degrees Celsius.
05:14Yeah, it was not good.
05:15The heart stopped beating.
05:16They stopped breathing.
05:17And what you said, a lot of the water in their body froze to ice.
05:21So, they've got these frozen hamsters, and I like this.
05:24They experimented with various ways of reviving them.
05:27They tried thawing them out with intense beams of light.
05:29And this is all I've got on this.
05:31Hot spatulas.
05:33I think it explains itself, really.
05:37Hot spatulas.
05:38Really?
05:39Yeah.
05:40Weirdly, it didn't work.
05:41Hot spatulas sounds like a seedy late-night show, doesn't it?
05:43Yeah.
05:44Like, cooking-based.
05:45Yeah.
05:46Welcome to Hot Spatulas.
05:49Anyway, it won't surprise you to learn that some of these poor hamsters then got severe burns.
05:54Then Lovelock decided that he would try firing microwaves at them.
05:58Now...
05:59I mean, what on earth is going through his mind at that point?
06:01Yeah, I don't know.
06:02I don't know.
06:03He's frozen them.
06:04He's tried to heat them up with hot spatulas.
06:06Yeah.
06:07And now he's going, do you know what, let's just ding them in the microwave.
06:10But it does mean that he had only stuff from the kitchen.
06:13So he was like freezer, cutlery drawer, microwave.
06:18Oh, thank goodness he didn't have an air fryer.
06:21That was nice.
06:23You have to understand there were no domestic microwaves at this time.
06:28The only microwaves were owned by the government who'd used them for various purposes like radar and stuff.
06:33Anyway, he fired microwaves at the hamster, which was frozen.
06:37And after a few seconds, it got up and started wandering around.
06:43So it's a form of hamster cryonics.
06:46What is the difference between cryonics and cryogenics?
06:49Phil?
06:50Phil, yeah.
06:53Cryogenics is when it's people.
06:55Cryonics is when it's hamsters.
06:58I like that.
06:59People often say cryogenics when what they actually mean is cryonics.
07:02So cryonics is to freeze somebody like you could freeze a human being and revive them.
07:05Cryogenics is the wider field of the study of extreme cold.
07:08Anyway, he never used it for cooking, Lovelock.
07:10He just stuck to the hamster thing.
07:11You'd think he'd be quite, he'd be exhausted at the end of the day.
07:14It would have been really handy for him to have a microwave meal.
07:16This is the James Lovelock.
07:17He was an environmental scientist.
07:19He wrote the revenge of the guy.
07:21He was the person who used science to prove that, you know,
07:23the climate catastrophe was coming if the earth heated up.
07:26Yes.
07:27He wrote the guy a hypothesis.
07:28How did he get from that, from freezing hamsters?
07:30I mean, we've all got to start somewhere.
07:32You know what would heat up all the hamsters in the world?
07:36Climate change.
07:37The person who thought of actually building a similar thing specifically to cook food
07:45was an American physicist called Percy Spencer during World War II.
07:49But the one he made weighed over 340 kilograms and was six foot tall.
07:54So, possibly not the one for your kitchen, I would say.
07:58Also, it was designed so, like, organ transplants and things could be...
08:02Imagine waiting there on the trolley, about to have it done.
08:04Yeah.
08:05And then you hear, ping!
08:07And you go, it's ready!
08:10What would be worse is if they said,
08:12do you mind if we try some hot spatulas first?
08:15If we were convinced these hot spatulas must be good for some time.
08:18It must be.
08:19It must be a few people who've had heart transplants
08:21and it's still a little bit cold in the middle.
08:23LAUGHTER
08:25Take it out and stir it halfway.
08:27LAUGHTER
08:29Now, on to crime waves.
08:31Imagine you are a full-time wig thief.
08:35What would be your technique?
08:37Oh, I've failed so many times.
08:39LAUGHTER
08:41It's harder than it looks.
08:43What worries me about this question is the full-time aspect of it.
08:46Yes.
08:47So you'd have to make a lot of money.
08:49What's a time in history when you might have made a lot of money from?
08:52Georgian times?
08:53Yes, so where are we? We're in the...
08:55In your face, Phil.
08:56LAUGHTER
08:58Why am I the enemy?
09:00Because we're doing history now and we're all playing for ourselves.
09:02LAUGHTER
09:04It's humanities.
09:05No.
09:06Oh, no, the...
09:07Bring it back to maths. Bring it back to this.
09:09LAUGHTER
09:10So, 18th century, there's a wave of wig thefts, right?
09:14Because they're worth stealing, right?
09:16Every day, powdered wigs, nothing special, cost the equivalent of £100 today.
09:20But there were some that were so elaborate that they would be £5,000 in today's money.
09:24And that's where we get the expression big wig from. He's a bit of a big wig.
09:27Mm-hmm.
09:28So what would your technique be, do you think?
09:31First, I would get a monkey for some reason.
09:33LAUGHTER
09:35Yes, that is one way of doing it.
09:37They often train small children and animals to steal them.
09:40So you might get, for example, a child in a basket carried on somebody's shoulder,
09:45be just the right height to whip the wig off,
09:48and then the wig-snatching team would run in opposite directions.
09:51Wig-snatching team.
09:52I know.
09:53I would be more subtle.
09:54So first thing, I might not want the person whose wig I'm stealing to know,
09:57so I'd want to swap it for something of the same weight really, really quickly.
10:01Like Indiana Jones, just the...
10:03Yeah, yeah.
10:04The sack on the head, yeah.
10:05Or I would pretend I was a wig inspector and say,
10:08um, you've contravened some rules for wigs.
10:12Yeah, wig rules.
10:13Or say, I've got... I think you've got fleas.
10:15Can I get rid of them for you?
10:17And then I've got it, haven't I?
10:19Or what about if you put velcro on the inside of a tunnel or a bridge,
10:23and...
10:26As people walked through, they'd be like,
10:28lovely, going through here, going through here.
10:30Suddenly, in the light, it's gone.
10:32Aww.
10:33Where is it?
10:34It's stuck in the tunnel, but by that point, it's too...
10:35Yeah, you've closed the tunnel.
10:36You've closed the tunnel.
10:37Yeah.
10:38You've only got to wait 200 years for somebody to invent velcro in your office.
10:42I like the people who go through the tunnel, going through here, going through here.
10:45I like that.
10:46Yes, that's what I do in tunnels.
10:47I would run up and say,
10:48your wig's on fire, it's on fire, it's on fire!
10:50Give it!
10:51And then I'd grab it.
10:52Yeah.
10:54Imagine being...
10:55Imagine how undignified it would be like,
10:56don't you dare, you give me my wig back.
10:58I know what you're doing.
10:59You're trying to steal my wig.
11:01Go through here, go through here!
11:04Stop that man, he's got my wig!
11:06So, jostling somebody was one way of doing it.
11:08You get two boys and a dog, for example.
11:10One boy jostles a bewigged man,
11:11the other grabs the hairpiece, tosses it to the dog,
11:13and they all go off in different directions.
11:14So, you might see a dog running past with a wig on?
11:16LAUGHTER
11:19Why do you think wigs were so popular?
11:21People had terrible heads.
11:23LAUGHTER
11:25Because there was no conditioner back then,
11:26so everyone's hair looked terrible.
11:28It looked like liceous, Gabby.
11:30A lot of it's to do with syphilis.
11:31Syphilis was rampant.
11:33Oh, yeah.
11:34It caused men to lose their hair.
11:36What?
11:37LAUGHTER
11:39I don't know what you mean.
11:45LAUGHTER
11:46Wig crime, why did it stop?
11:48Wigs went out of fashion.
11:50Correct.
11:51Two points.
11:52LAUGHTER
11:53So, there was a supposed wave of detergent theft.
11:55In the United States, in 2015,
11:57there was supposed to be a great wave,
11:58and people were stealing it.
11:59They had to lock it to the shelves.
12:01Because of drugs.
12:02Well, so, there was one police officer
12:04who said he had seen people buy drugs
12:06in exchange for sort of six bottles of detergent.
12:09That's the Daz Doorstep Challenge, isn't it?
12:11LAUGHTER
12:14Would you consider swapping your usual heroin
12:17for six bottles of a QI wash?
12:22I imagine that's always been popular.
12:24I mean, it's something everybody needs,
12:25it's untraceable, it's easy to steal.
12:28You can get rid of all the evidence.
12:30Yes.
12:31LAUGHTER
12:32I was in the supermarket the other week
12:33and the bottles of olive oil,
12:35were in Perspex cases, lock boxes.
12:39Wow.
12:40On the shelf.
12:41Because they were £10 each.
12:43That's the state we're at.
12:45I always thought, like, the price of...
12:46When people talk about the price of oil going up,
12:48I didn't know they meant extra virgin.
12:50LAUGHTER
12:51Oiling yourself up for a hot spatula
12:53is more expensive than anything.
12:54LAUGHTER
12:55Well, you'd want to be oiled up
12:56if you had a hot spatula.
12:57You would.
12:58LAUGHTER
12:59In 18th century London, it was easier for crime to pay.
13:09Oh!
13:10Oh!
13:11Oh, yeah.
13:12Yeah.
13:13I like that, it kind of slid off the edge of the...
13:15Just that noise.
13:16LAUGHTER
13:17Now, what wouldn't you want to find in a hairdresser's pocket?
13:20Uh...
13:21My husband's phone number?
13:23LAUGHTER
13:25I'm not saying they're all hussies.
13:27No.
13:28Some of them are.
13:29Statistically.
13:30LAUGHTER
13:31More hair that they stick back on when you're not looking?
13:35Because then you've got to come back.
13:36It's...
13:37Weirdly, what happens is you go off on a tangent
13:39and get quite close to the real answer.
13:41Oh!
13:42OK.
13:43This show is about waves.
13:44What were waves, early waves in the hair?
13:46Perms.
13:47Perms, absolutely right.
13:48Early perms, short for permanent wave.
13:50And they were sometimes called pocket perms by hair stylists
13:53because it was such rough chemicals that what would happen
13:57is that large chunks of hair would break off
14:00and the stylist, instead of telling you that...
14:03LAUGHTER
14:04..would grab it and not want you to know
14:06and stick it in their pocket, so you wouldn't...
14:07Yeah, and you were sticking up from earlier.
14:09LAUGHTER
14:12Have you ever had a perm?
14:13Have you had a perm?
14:14I wanted a perm, Mum wouldn't let me.
14:15Why?
14:16Because she's a bitch.
14:18LAUGHTER
14:19APPLAUSE
14:20You'd be a very good therapist, though.
14:21LAUGHTER
14:22You'd just get right to the heart, people, in one question.
14:23LAUGHTER
14:24LAUGHTER
14:25LAUGHTER
14:26LAUGHTER
14:27LAUGHTER
14:28My mum's...
14:29I'm under such a...
14:30LAUGHTER
14:31LAUGHTER
14:32LAUGHTER
14:33LAUGHTER
14:34LAUGHTER
14:35LAUGHTER
14:36LAUGHTER
14:37LAUGHTER
14:38LAUGHTER
14:39LAUGHTER
14:40LAUGHTER
14:41I'm under such strict instructions to never mention her
14:44in any of my comedy.
14:45LAUGHTER
14:46And I'm trying so hard and I can't believe that slipped up.
14:48LAUGHTER
14:49I can't believe that slipped up.
14:50Does she watch QI?
14:51She does watch QI and she's a really lovely woman.
14:54What's her name?
14:55Gail.
14:56Gail.
14:57Can I just say, we'd like to dedicate this whole show to you.
15:00LAUGHTER
15:01And we're sending Sarah home with a perm.
15:03LAUGHTER
15:04So the very first perm machine was invented by a hairdresser called Charles Nessler in 1909 in Paris.
15:13LAUGHTER
15:14That's a milking machine.
15:17LAUGHTER
15:19The thing is, he didn't really bother about health and safety.
15:22His wife was his very first volunteer and he burnt all her hair off and...
15:26LAUGHTER
15:27Oh, no!
15:28Yep, scalded and blistered her scalp several times.
15:30He blistered her scalp, it's so funny.
15:32LAUGHTER
15:33And...
15:34LAUGHTER
15:35AHHHHH!
15:36AHHHHH!
15:37Sorry!
15:38Sorry!
15:39LAUGHTER
15:40He basically applied an alkali substance to his client's hair.
15:44So he started with cow's urine.
15:46Mmm!
15:47Later moved to borax.
15:49That is the chemical we use today in laundry detergent and for rat poison.
15:53LAUGHTER
15:54And then he wrapped hair around heavy rollers which were 100 degrees centigrade.
15:58But each one of those rollers weighed a kilo and so he had to have that contraption,
16:03the counterweights, to try and take the strain off the head.
16:05And they had to sit like that for six hours.
16:07LAUGHTER
16:08It's impressive she won Miss America with art on her head.
16:11LAUGHTER
16:12Now, can you recommend a reliable way of having a brainwave?
16:19I always find, just as I'm about to go to sleep,
16:22the most relaxed I can be while still conscious, that's when I'll think of something.
16:26Business people say that they call it the shower principle instead of being in water.
16:30OK.
16:31That's big.
16:32So between you, you've had an idea, which is quite exciting.
16:34Tom!
16:35Yes.
16:36So water and being on the edge, the precipice of something.
16:39Oh.
16:40Sitting on the edge of a bar.
16:41LAUGHTER
16:42That's how they came up with the idea for the towel.
16:47LAUGHTER
16:49There's a professional inventor in Tokyo called Dr Yoshiro Nakamatsu.
16:54And he comes up with his best ideas underwater, OK?
16:57But his method is to bring himself to the brink of drowning, right?
17:02He believes that the lack of oxygen is what engenders his creativity.
17:06He says, half a second before death, I visualise an invention.
17:09And he dives down with a waterproof notebook and pencil, his own invention,
17:14and he sketches out his ideas.
17:15He's applied for three and a half thousand patents in his time.
17:18These are his boots that he invented.
17:20What do you think they do?
17:22Are they for stealing wigs?
17:24LAUGHTER
17:25100% could do that, because they're just for bouncing.
17:28So that was his idea, he nearly died?
17:30For that.
17:31Yeah.
17:32So does someone else wake him up?
17:34Like, who's in charge of the, OK, he's about to die, get him out?
17:37I think he just comes out of the water at that point.
17:39So he's in control of all of this?
17:40That's the theory, until he dies.
17:42I mean, unless he drowns himself.
17:43And that might be his very best idea.
17:44And we never would know.
17:45He stays for an extra half a second.
17:47Oh, snap him.
17:48It's kind of like auto-erotic asphyxiation, but for ideas.
17:53LAUGHTER
17:54Or at least that's what he says.
17:55He bursts out of the water and says,
17:56Bouncing shoes! Bouncing shoes!
17:58LAUGHTER
18:02And then he runs into Dragon's Den, sopping wet.
18:05LAUGHTER
18:06He has actually invented a wig, funnily enough.
18:08It's a wig that doubles as a weapon.
18:11So, yeah.
18:12So, it's lined...
18:14Great ideas.
18:15Well, is it?
18:16It's definitely worth it.
18:17It's lined with metal, so that you can throw it at an attacker.
18:21Isn't that odd job in James Bond?
18:23LAUGHTER
18:24It's attached with a rubber string, so you can pull it back.
18:27You can throw it.
18:28You don't want it coming back at you, do you?
18:30Yeah, exactly.
18:32His soy sauce spray bottle, I think, is very clever.
18:35You can evenly spritz your sushi.
18:37That's quite good.
18:38Oh, that's a good idea.
18:39Yeah, that idea is a good idea.
18:40But it's not worth nearly dying, is it?
18:41No!
18:42When there's other ways of getting soy sauce on things.
18:44Those little fishes, yeah, they are good.
18:46Yeah, but you get the rice...
18:47The rice gets soaked and it falls apart.
18:50I don't mind if he drowns it by accident,
18:52because that's a really good invention.
18:54LAUGHTER
18:55OK, he also invented an electromagnetic condom.
18:58Again, fantastic, I just think.
19:00LAUGHTER
19:01Does it cure syphilis, asking for a friend?
19:04LAUGHTER
19:13Is that just so you can find true north, is that...?
19:16LAUGHTER
19:17Currently, what do I know?
19:19The motion of copulation induces a small current in the bloodstream
19:22and that increases pressure?
19:24Would you have to plug it in?
19:26LAUGHTER
19:32Darling, you don't want to be plugged into the mains.
19:34Well, that's how.
19:35Well, that's what I'm thinking.
19:36You're about to getting out an extension lead.
19:38Yeah.
19:39What I love is that the elves know,
19:40they're sending me a message saying it's wireless.
19:42Thanks, guys.
19:43LAUGHTER
19:45APPLAUSE
19:50Anyway, he calls himself Dr Nakamats
19:52and he claims to have invented the floppy disk.
19:55Anybody who had early computers will remember the floppy disk.
19:57IBMs don't agree, they don't say it was him,
20:00but he claims he is the true inventor to the extent
20:03that the gate to his house in Tokyo is in the shape of a floppy disk.
20:08And he says his invention was the start of the information revolution
20:11and the Silicon Valley, so...
20:13Since he was 42, he has taken a photograph of every single meal
20:18that he has eaten.
20:19I'm glad he said meal. I don't know what he was going to say.
20:22LAUGHTER
20:24I mean, have you been on Instagram?
20:27That's what everyone's doing.
20:28Yeah.
20:29Did he invent that as well?
20:31LAUGHTER
20:32He's been doing that since he was 42, he was in his mid-90s.
20:35Oh, wow.
20:36But he analyses his food and lifestyle
20:38and says he will reach the age of 144.
20:40Oh.
20:41There is an extraordinary culture in Japan, though,
20:43of sort of curious ideas.
20:44They have a word for it called chingdogu,
20:46and it means weird tool.
20:48The selfie stick is one that came out of Japan in 1995,
20:52but 20 years later was, you know, they're ubiquitous.
20:54There is a hay fever hat.
20:56LAUGHTER
20:58LAUGHTER
20:59So, you've each got a prop next to you.
21:02See if you can guess what they are for.
21:04These are weird tool inventions.
21:06That hay fever hat is by Kenji Kawakami.
21:09I mean, mine are.
21:11Right.
21:12So, Phil...
21:13LAUGHTER
21:14That is a daddy-nurser.
21:18It's called the daddy-nurser.
21:19It's great, but actually there's all kinds of people
21:21who might want to breastfeed their children who can't
21:23for whatever reason.
21:24People who adopt
21:25or people whose milk just doesn't come in
21:27or they don't have a big enough supply.
21:28So, I know it's really silly,
21:29but it's also quite a beautiful invention.
21:31Hmm.
21:32Right, what have you got, Alan?
21:33I mean, they're plastic glasses
21:34and they've got little funnels on them.
21:36Mm-hm.
21:37So, you could pour...
21:39..erm...
21:40..eye drops in?
21:41That's exactly right, darling.
21:42They are eye-drop funnel glasses
21:44so that you don't spill them.
21:45That's amazing!
21:46That is a good invention!
21:48That is a good invention!
21:49That is a good invention.
21:50You know...
21:51Together, Alan,
21:52we could get some pretty precise milk in those eyes.
21:54LAUGHTER
21:59They look very clean and eyeballed.
22:01What have you got, Sarah?
22:02Well, I've got a toilet plunger,
22:04but it's got a ribbon on,
22:05so you know it's a girl.
22:06LAUGHTER
22:08What do you think you might do with it, though?
22:09It's not a toilet plunger,
22:10I can tell you that.
22:11Is this to get my milk to come in?
22:13LAUGHTER
22:14It is a portable subway strap,
22:16so what you do is you're on the subway...
22:19LAUGHTER
22:21..you stick it to the roof.
22:23No!
22:24Stick it to the roof.
22:25I worry it's not going to be...
22:26Oh, hello!
22:27No, no!
22:28LAUGHTER
22:29So if you put it above your head...
22:30Yeah, but there's nothing there, so.
22:31..it would be like that.
22:32I see what you mean.
22:33So just...
22:34Yeah.
22:35When you have to get off,
22:36that must be difficult.
22:37To be like...
22:38Yes.
22:39Right, what have you got, darling?
22:42There should be some toasters, isn't there?
22:43Oh, yes, there is.
22:44Oh, I didn't know if that was serious.
22:45I thought you'd ordered a snack!
22:47LAUGHTER
22:48Open the stick.
22:50Oh!
22:51Oh!
22:52Yes, and have a look.
22:53Oh, I bet I know what this is going to be.
22:55Is it butter?
22:56It's a butter stick for buttering your toaster.
22:58Oh, look, it works.
22:59Oh, that's good.
23:00Oh, look, it's lovely.
23:02Would you take this with you to events?
23:05LAUGHTER
23:06It's so QVC, you know.
23:08LAUGHTER
23:09It's so...
23:10Lovely.
23:11It's so elegant.
23:12LAUGHTER
23:13I think if I saw somebody with that,
23:15I would think,
23:16gosh, I wish I was them.
23:18LAUGHTER
23:20Then you can do a little bit on your wrists and your neck
23:23and then you can smell a bottle going on.
23:24Oh, yes.
23:25That's true.
23:26Maybe put it on your spatula.
23:27Lipstick.
23:28Yeah.
23:29LAUGHTER
23:30Or if you are swimming the channel,
23:31you could put it on your chest.
23:32Yeah.
23:33It's a really good idea.
23:34I think we're all trying to use less single-use plastic,
23:36though, aren't we?
23:37You could make it of wood
23:39or another fabric which was...
23:41a material which was more...
23:42Denim.
23:43Denim.
23:44There's a lot of denim.
23:45LAUGHTER
23:46I'm convinced.
23:47Yeah, I think there's a market in that.
23:49I can't understand why the two of you have not made a fortune so far.
23:52LAUGHTER
23:53There's a lot of things, though, you do think,
23:55did they need to be invented at all?
23:56Mm.
23:57Like, self-lathering soap.
23:59Yeah.
24:00You know when you get hand soap and it's like a foam?
24:01Oh.
24:02I thought, who went,
24:03oh, do you know what I find too exhausting?
24:05Lathering.
24:06LAUGHTER
24:07My day would be so much easier if I didn't have to...
24:11Lather.
24:12Lather a bar of soap for sometimes seconds at a time.
24:16LAUGHTER
24:17Now I've got this self-lathering soap,
24:19I can finally get on with those things I really need to do.
24:22I've got other things as well.
24:23What's that?
24:24Those are just tissues in case you get butter on you.
24:26Now...
24:27LAUGHTER
24:28Now, what's the loudest thing you can't hear?
24:34Oh, is it all the dialogue in the Christopher Nolan movie?
24:37Because...
24:38LAUGHTER
24:39APPLAUSE
24:41I mean, I've watched those things in IMAX with speakers as big as buildings,
24:49and it's just loud mumbling.
24:51I can't pick out a single word.
24:53It's really interesting because it is a common thing now in a lot of films.
24:56Do you know why, that is?
24:57Do the actors not know their lines?
24:59Well, it's a different way of recording is one of the issues.
25:01So in the old films people had to speak up in order to make sure their voice went to the central microphone.
25:07Now everybody's wearing a personal microphone and so mumbling has come in.
25:11So what we need to do is go back to the old system where people just have one mic.
25:15But it is a common problem.
25:16I think it's about 40% of people in Britain watch television with the subtitles on.
25:21Yes.
25:22Do you think people are going to go back to sort of brief encounter days? I hope so.
25:24Oh, I love that film.
25:26It's my favourite.
25:27What happened there?
25:28You were just screaming.
25:29It's a beautiful David Lean film written by Noel Coward
25:33and about a woman who sort of almost has an affair with someone she meets at a train station.
25:39It's sweet.
25:40It's very much up my alley.
25:41LAUGHTER
25:42There's no mumbling.
25:43No mumbling.
25:44No mumbling at all.
25:45There's a child in it having an argument with her brother and even the child speaks very clipped.
25:50They always use adults afterwards, don't they?
25:52Oh, that makes sense.
25:53That's why they all have some creepy little voices.
25:55Oh!
25:56Yeah.
25:57Because the little girl, they're having an argument about, it's not her birthday but she wants to go to the theatre and the senior Johnson walks in and goes,
26:03what on earth are you arguing about?
26:04And this little girl gets up out of bed and goes, my birthday's in June.
26:07Yes, it's really famous.
26:08There are silly pantomimes in June.
26:10And of course it's in a very clipped 1930s, 1940s way.
26:14My birthday's in June.
26:16There are silly pantomimes in June.
26:18LAUGHTER
26:19Terrifying.
26:20Terrifying.
26:21Terrifying.
26:22It's a very famous bit for being an adult coming out of a little child.
26:25Oh, I didn't realise that.
26:26Yes, yes, yes.
26:27So, what is the loudest thing that she's...
26:29Sorry.
26:30It's very nice and luminous about some of my favourite movies.
26:33Is it going to be some naturally occurring phenomenon?
26:36Is this to do with a tree falling in the woods?
26:39LAUGHTER
26:40Is that a bear?
26:41No.
26:42LAUGHTER
26:43No, no, it's the Pope.
26:45It's the Pope.
26:46Oh.
26:47My birthday's in June.
26:48Oh!
26:49LAUGHTER
26:52So, let's just define loudness, OK?
26:54So, loudness is another word for amplitude.
26:57Sound waves, right?
26:58They travel like this.
26:59And the loudest bit is going to be this.
27:02Then it gets quieter and quieter and quieter like this.
27:05And the distance between them is the frequency or the pitch, OK?
27:08Will we get a GCSE after this?
27:10You will.
27:11LAUGHTER
27:12The reason I tell you all this is that some noises are too high
27:16or too low for humans to be able to hear them,
27:20however loud they are.
27:22Yeah.
27:23So, the loudest sound ever recorded, hardly anybody heard it.
27:26The dogs hear it.
27:27Elephants can hear things, infrasonic sound, that we can't hear.
27:31So, the loudest sound ever recorded was 1883,
27:34a volcano erupted in Krakatoa in Indonesia,
27:37and 100 miles away the noise was 172 decibels.
27:42So, sound becomes painful at 130 decibels.
27:45If you were standing right next to a jumbo jet engine,
27:48that would be 150 decibels.
27:51So, 170 decibels, it's 100 times louder than that, OK?
27:54I've sat on a plane near a jumbo jet engine, I didn't mind it.
27:57No, if you were right by it, Stanley, on the ground...
27:59I'm quite close to it, I mean, it's just the wing, it's there.
28:01I'm looking forward, my ears facing out the window.
28:04Yes, there's a whole window and a fuselage between you.
28:07I'm talking about standing right by it.
28:09Oh, OK.
28:10So, 170 decibels...
28:11It's quite close, they're in the back there.
28:13LAUGHTER
28:14You had a brief encounter in your headphones.
28:18Yeah.
28:19In 1883 with a wig on, standing right next to Krakatoa going,
28:23not that loud.
28:24LAUGHTER
28:26On a ship that was 40 miles away,
28:29half of the crew's eardrums burst.
28:31Oh.
28:32Half the eardrum, or was it half...?
28:34No.
28:35LAUGHTER
28:37How did they measure it, then?
28:39All of them lost their left ear off.
28:41LAUGHTER
28:42There are things called barographs,
28:44and what they do is they measure fluctuations in atmospheric pressure,
28:47and this was measured all around the world.
28:50It was the loudest noise ever measured,
28:52and yet it was inaudible to most people.
28:55It was just a form of pressure on the eardrums.
28:57And did they not hear it just because there is head exploded?
29:01LAUGHTER
29:02The sound was so powerful it travelled around the world
29:05seven times over the course of five days.
29:07I mean, it is unbelievable.
29:09But was it inaudible because it was too high?
29:11Or too low?
29:12It was too low.
29:13I'd love that idea of it being too high,
29:14like a volcano going,
29:15BEEP!
29:16BEEP!
29:17Like a microwave.
29:18Like a microwave.
29:19Yeah.
29:20Ready!
29:21BEEP!
29:23BEEP!
29:24But I want to try something with sound waves.
29:26BEEP!
29:27Now, Phil, you...
29:28LAUGHTER
29:30Let's just do your little crack of tummy there for you.
29:33Thank you, darling, I really appreciate it.
29:35Just for colour, just for background.
29:36Yeah.
29:37Could you do the fact that elephants can hear through their feet?
29:39I love your animal impersonation.
29:40Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
29:41Yeah.
29:42What's that?
29:43LAUGHTER
29:46Can you hear that?
29:47Can you hear that?
29:48I can hear that.
29:49I can't, I've got my shoes on.
29:51LAUGHTER
29:56But they can hear at much lower frequencies than human beings can.
29:58They would have been able to actually hear the explosion much further away
30:01than human beings.
30:02But I want to try a little experiment.
30:03Phil, you like a bit of science, don't you?
30:05Oh, yeah, I love it.
30:06OK, so...
30:07Dweeb!
30:08Come on.
30:09LAUGHTER
30:10We're going to look at a cladney plate.
30:12The cladney plate was named for its...
30:14He doesn't look well at all, does he?
30:16LAUGHTER
30:17His arm's completely detached from his body.
30:19LAUGHTER
30:20I was dead, but they microwaved me.
30:21LAUGHTER
30:22APPLAUSE
30:23Anyway, that's Ernst Gladney.
30:24And he invented this thing where you attach a plate to a machine
30:25and it makes it vibrate.
30:26And the number of times it vibrates per second, that is its frequency.
30:29The amazing thing is to see, if you put salt on this plate, the patterns that it can make
30:35at different frequencies, so if we have a quick look at one that is actually working,
30:39Can you see how it, depending on what the frequency is, you can...
30:41Ooh, I love crafts.
30:42LAUGHTER
30:43That's the population of North Korea from outer space.
30:45LAUGHTER
30:46I love that.
30:47Oh, yeah, that's the population of North Korea from outer space.
30:49LAUGHTER
30:50I love that.
30:51I love that.
30:52Oh, yeah, I love that.
30:54Yeah, I love that.
30:55Oh, yeah, I love that.
30:57It's a huge amount of energy.
30:58Oh, yeah, I love that.
31:00So, yeah, I love that.
31:01I love that.
31:02I love that.
31:03We've got a homemade version, so I'm going to get Phil to help me, and you can make your own
31:15Cladney plate. I'll play with your tits while you're doing that
31:22What's really sad is I nearly stayed behind
31:24Do is we're going to put some salt on here and sprinkle it everywhere
31:38Okay, so we're going to make it vibrate. I'm going to keep an eye on what happens to the salt
31:42So if you take the flat of the bow there and then just run it down and then
31:55Now why do you think that this plate that we've made is shaped like a violin?
31:59What do you think might be the reason for it?
32:01Presumably they use these principles in the design of violin. Yeah, so you want the perfect sound right
32:06So during the construction of the plates they use metal filings and they vibrate the wood to create the patterns
32:11You want the patterns to be symmetrical so it has a practical purpose. Oh, yeah
32:24So it was Vivaldi's Four Seasons I was playing
32:29Now which of these is the wobbliest wall? Oh
32:34Is it is it that's the straight one is correct darling? Yes. Why because it's always the unexpected one, isn't it?
32:46It's got multiple layers and cross beams in order to keep it safe
32:49Usually if it's just straight at some point, it's probably going to topple over if you build a bendy wall
32:55What is the bit in it that's keeping it strong? Oh the centripetal force
33:04I think that's only a thing if you're actually a centipede
33:09I just remember learning centripetal forces at school, and I thought gosh, I'll use that one day
33:14Oh
33:16The day K
33:17What is it the shape itself the shape of the wall itself keeps it up?
33:20There's an enormous strength in the arch so all the marches give you extra strength and I love these walls
33:27They're called crinkle crinkle walls, so they are much harder to build but because of that they became a fantastic
33:32Status symbol for large English country homes. There's one in Eastern Village in Hampshire
33:36There's one in Livington in Hampshire the one in Eastern Village was once two and a half miles long
33:42It was the longest in the UK, but most of it demolished in 1924, which is really sad
33:47But which English County do you think has the most walls per square mile Buckinghamshire? Why?
33:54Because they're all posh, aren't they?
34:00Compared to Essex, maybe that's just the nearest posh place
34:05Everyone in Buckinghamshire's got a horse and they probably just put some walls around it to keep it safe
34:10Every kid's got a wall
34:12Every kid's got a wall
34:15Dumpty Dumpty loves it
34:17It's one county by a long way. One county has many more walls
34:21I'm gonna go Lancashire
34:23It's Cornwall
34:24Oh, it's the clue wasn't a name
34:30What's really curious about Cornwall, I mean it's almost double that of the runner-up, which is Derbyshire
34:34A lot of Cornish walls are completely hidden because Cornwall does not have any hedgerows around its field
34:41It has Cornish edges, which are two stone walls, which are built back to back and then the earth is stuffed between them
34:48Related to the subject of walls. What is sheep creep?
34:51Is it? No, I'm not gonna make some
34:54Simplistic joke about people being creepy towards sheep
34:58Or sheep being creepy towards people
35:01Looking through your window
35:02Yeah
35:02When you're getting into your pyjamas
35:06I'm just a sheep
35:07Don't mind me
35:08Do you think if there's any wool they recognise?
35:10Yeah
35:11That's mine, yeah
35:11Nice, don't wash that in hot water
35:14Do you worry about the sheep looking through the window while you're out?
35:17No, I don't, I'd love it
35:18I'd leave the curtains open and be like, lads
35:20So sometimes if you look at the bottom of dry stone walls, you'll see a hole
35:26And it's to allow the sheep to get through and they're known as sheep creeps
35:31And they're also called creep holes, lunky, hog hole, smoots or smote
35:34And it's designed to be big enough so it can move between the fields, but it blocks cattle
35:38So cattle can't get through so the cows are going, where's the sheep gone?
35:41Yeah, they're leg on
35:42How'd they get in the other field?
35:43Yeah, it's like Shawshank Redemption
35:45How'd they get out?
35:48Right
35:49It's time to wrangle with the tangle that is general ignorance fingers on buzzers, please
35:53What happened when war of the worlds was first broadcast on the radio?
35:58Everybody panicked they thought it was real
36:03They set you up man, they set you up
36:05Is it the case that it was a news bulletin about it that caused the panic and not the actual broadcast?
36:12I mean the whole thing is a sort of myth that's built up around
36:15So Orson Welles who you can see directing this is a rehearsal and you can see him directing
36:18Because it was about an alien invasion and people thought it was real
36:21Well, they did and they didn't
36:23It was 1938 it was trailed for weeks as fiction
36:26And Welles told people before the broadcast and after the broadcast that it was fiction
36:30It was interrupted four times to tell the listeners it's just a play
36:35And anyway only two percent of the population listened to it
36:37Aliens would say that though wouldn't they?
36:39Yeah, that is true
36:40They were invading they would say it's just a play
36:43Imagine if that happened with other tv programs imagine if like every five minutes in gavin and stacey they had to tell man go
36:49I'm not really called this my name's james
36:53The very few isolated instance wells agreed to compensate one man from massachusetts for a pair of shoes
36:59Since he had spent the money he had saved for a pair of shoes
37:03To get a train ticket to escape the martians and he said i'll buy you some shoes because you're an idiot
37:10The only place that people did kind of freak out was a place called concrete washington
37:15And it coincided with the power cut
37:17How did they hear the radio then?
37:18Yeah
37:19Sounds like they were trying to con some shoes there
37:2210 years later there was an actual riot after a radio adaptation of the same play in quito ecuador
37:30But you know this was much more understandable there'd been no warnings
37:34There was a sister newspaper that had deliberately posted fake ufo sightings
37:39The play used impressionists to pretend to be actual politicians and so on
37:43And that riot did result in seven deaths but the original
37:471938 um everybody was pretty much five
37:50Now where would you find the longest heat wave in living memory?
37:56Sahara desert that's hot isn't it?
38:02Spain have you seen a place in the sun?
38:06Do you remember our japanese inventor dr nakamatsu?
38:09Oh yeah japan the underwater doctor
38:13Underwater underwater is the longest heat wave on earth was in the north pacific
38:18So off the western coast of the united states it lasted 711 days from 2014 to 2016
38:24So we get a large mass of unusually warm water
38:27It's basically a heat wave for the sea
38:29Oh, I just thought it was someone weed in the water
38:32But it's very bad when it happens
38:33So algae thrives which is very bad news for lots of species like salmon and they swim away to somewhere
38:39So they need to put their arm in and just swoosh it about
38:41Yeah, just keep getting it moving
38:42And get it up the other end of the bath
38:45But if the fish go because it's too hot or it's too unpleasant then the seabirds die
38:50And during that heat wave it was the cause of the biggest known mass die off of a single species 4 million guillemots died
38:57So I mean we need to pay attention the way in which marine heat waves are defined as quite different to land heat waves land heat waves
39:03It's a period of at least five days when temperatures are at least five degrees above average
39:08So 2013 antarctica had a heat wave reached heights of minus 30 degrees celsius
39:13But it's the longest heat wave that we know was in india and that lasted in 2024 lasted for 24 days
39:20And here's the thing is that when it's hot we don't think so well
39:24You're like this scientists discovered this by directing heat lamps at people and making them do maths
39:31I could have saved them some time if they just walked along a beach and saw what everyone was reading
39:35Yeah, it's quite clever people the minute you get to the airport you're like i'm not gonna actually
39:39No, yes, i like something with a raised cover and you know it's a romance. Yeah, yes with that gold lettering
39:46Yes, that's very good
39:48That's because we're so dumb lying on the beach that i'm just stroking my book
39:54There was a british heat wave 1976 which was
39:57Remarkable it well. Oh my goodness and so there was a minister called dennis howell and he was made the minister of drug
40:05Yeah, and he was color of his bath water
40:10He was charged by the then prime minister james callaghan
40:13Had to persuade everybody to use less water and even persuaded to do a rain dance on behalf of the nation outside number 10
40:19That's when politicians really gave it their all
40:23Anyway days later there was an enormous amount of rain after his dance and he was made minister of floods
40:30Are they not taking it seriously in the old days?
40:33I don't know because two years later. He was the minister of state for snow, so
40:36He did all the weather. Yeah, that guy and this was a professional picture. This wasn't like
40:42This wasn't like leaked
40:44I don't know if it's his tinder profile. You see the shadow of the photographer. It's a sheepy creep
40:49The pattern of his hair is because of the vibration going through
40:53Yeah
40:59Okay, moving along
41:01What's the largest animal in the world that's not a whale?
41:06Christopher biggins
41:13I love christopher biggins biggest non-whale on the planet. Is it still in the water though?
41:18Yes
41:21I say an octopus because they've got those really long tentacles haven't they okay?
41:25I can tell you it's about one and a half times the length of the london bus. It's always buses isn't it?
41:30It's always buses
41:32The biggest non-whale on the planet is a whale
41:35Shark we're always talking about buses. Yeah, right and I don't want to do that
41:40So what we're going to do is we are going to use people
41:43So what I do when I come out beginning of the show I learn the names of everybody in the audience
41:49So which is nice because then I can speak to them so joe where's my friend joe right?
41:53So joe is going to hold up a sign at this end
41:56I want to show you how big a whale shark is and then where is my friend neil?
42:02Thank you neil darling, so neil's going to stand up
42:05So from neil to joe that is the size of a whale shark
42:11However, this is not even cracking into the top 10 of animals
42:15Obviously, we have to go to the large blue whale for something really big and I don't think we've ever been able to do this before
42:22But my darling could you go all the way to that wall with your sign?
42:26Thank you so much neil and if he walks all the way to that wall
42:31There that is the size of a blue whale do you not think that is remarkable?
42:36And we wanted to show you rather than tell you it's just so many buses. So well done boys. Thank you so much
42:42All of which wibbling and wobbling brings us to the straight matter of the scores
42:52Oh is it the end?
42:53Yeah
42:55You won't want to know the end because in last place
42:58All washed up with minus 27 it's tom
43:08In third place on the brink of a wipeout with minus 19 it's sarah
43:12In second place wavering on the edge with minus eight it's phil
43:21Our winner tonight riding the wave
43:25With a whole minus four
43:37So i wave goodbye to sarah tom phil and alan and i leave you with this wise crack from the late former u.s
43:44President jimmy carter my esteem in the country has gone up substantially
43:49So that now when people wave at me they use all their fingers
43:53Thank you and good night
44:04you
44:19Thank you
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