- 2 months ago
Gruber receives a Purple Heart for a small cut on his finger while doing laundry, leading to trouble in this episode.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00The End
00:01The End
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00:05The End
00:06The End
00:07The End
00:08The End
00:09The End
00:10The End
00:11Yaaah!
00:12The End
00:13The End
00:14The End
00:15The End
00:16The End
00:17The End
00:18The End
00:19The End
00:20Okay!
00:21Hut!
00:22Attaboy!
00:23Why'd I see this from Bensonhurst, huh?
00:27Okay, Fooj, you can get up now, boy.
00:29Pretty classy acting job, eh, fellas?
00:32Yeah, great. With a little practice, you can be another Intintin.
00:35Arigato, Grupa-san. You wanna be my agent?
00:38Ah, go on. Hey, get out of them duds and slip into your PW suit before some trigger-happy marines shoot your pants off!
00:43Okay!
00:59The End
01:00The End
01:01Be careful with that. They'll probably wanna show it at Lois Pitkin.
01:04Boy, wait till Mrs. Grasky gets a load of these authentic war films.
01:06Who's Mrs. Grasky?
01:08Who's Mrs. Grasky?
01:09Oh, lives next door to my mother. Her doll boy's over in North Africa.
01:13Got himself some kind of a cockamamie medal.
01:14What'd he do?
01:15Look, if I know Betty Grasky, he probably stole it!
01:16The End
01:17Mrs. Grasky's been bugging my mother no end. She says,
01:19Well, her bennie's over there making the world sound.
01:20The End
01:22Be careful with that. They'll probably wanna show it at Lois Pitkin.
01:26Boy, wait till Mrs. Grasky gets a load of these authentic war films.
01:29Who's Mrs. Grasky?
01:30Oh, lives next door to my mother. Her doll boy's over in North Africa.
01:32Got himself some kind of a cockamamie medal.
01:34What'd he do?
01:35Look, if I know Betty Grasky, he probably stole it.
01:36Mrs. Grasky's been bugging my mother no end.
01:37She says, Well, her bennie's over there making the world safe for Bensonhurst.
01:39I'm lying around some tropical lawn with a bunch of dames,
01:41eating grapes and fortune cookies.
01:42We ain't got no fortune cookies.
01:43Darn right we ain't.
01:44Boy, wait till I get a load of this.
01:45Hey, movie star, get the gig ready. We show them off from inside in ten minutes.
01:48Okay, Skipper.
01:49I'm gonna get a load of this.
01:50I'm gonna get a load of this.
01:51I'm gonna get a load of this.
01:52I'm gonna get a load of this.
01:53I'm gonna get a load of this.
01:54Darn right we ain't.
01:55Boy, wait till I get a load of this.
01:57Hey, movie star, get the gig ready. We show them off from inside in ten minutes.
02:01Okay, Skipper.
02:06Charlie?
02:07Hey, Charlie.
02:08You got that missing stuff you want me to pick up at supply?
02:10Oh, yeah, Skip. Here are the requisition slips.
02:13Oh, beautiful. Look at that. No racing. No nothing. Just beautiful, Charlie.
02:17Oh, one problem, Skip. I'm out requisition slips for soap and cigarettes.
02:20Well, I'll just scratch it out on the old hunk of paper.
02:22Let him, Skip. Regulations frown up.
02:25Oh, look. I don't care if they cry.
02:26Look, a liberty ship comes in here for the first time in four months
02:29and you're worried about regulations while everybody's eating up the cargo at main side.
02:33Wait a minute, Skip. It's a simple matter.
02:35I'll just get some more requisition slips.
02:37Come on. Come on.
02:41I'm out of requisition slips for requisition slips.
02:43Well, never mind, Charlie. Never mind. I'll manage. Believe me.
02:46Oh, by the way, Skip, listen.
02:48Well, there's a battle drill shakedown in 1,300 hours.
02:51Orders, you know.
02:52I know. I read them.
02:53Yeah, but it's 1,200 now and, uh, well, I was just wondering if, uh...
02:58Well, stop wondering. If I'm not back, just that the boat's all yours.
03:01Live it up, boy. Live it up.
03:03Ha, ha, ha, ha. So long.
03:23All right. All full ahead.
03:25Make ready all tubes. Steady she goes. Steady she goes.
03:30Keep it crisp. Keep it crisp.
03:32Please not to forget, Gruber-san. We got plenty starch, plenty bleach, but almost no more soap.
03:40Gonna pick up some today. Hey, you finish everything?
03:42Hi. Here, Captain Binghamton. Plenty starch, $4.
03:46And, Commander Whison, no starch, $3.50.
03:50Ah, great, great, Fuge. You're sure a whiz with an iron.
03:53Uh-oh. Here comes the skipper.
03:55Better stash this stuff away. The less questions he asks, the better.
03:58All right, Grobe, let's shove off.
04:00Aye, aye, sir.
04:01Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye.
04:03Aye, aye, aye, aye.
04:04Aye, aye, aye, aye.
04:05Aye, aye, aye.
04:06Aye, aye, aye, aye.
04:07Aye, aye, aye.
04:08This morning's recon photographs don't show a thing, sir.
04:12I know.
04:13And as much as it pains me, I've sent for McHale.
04:15If we don't find that submarine before it finds us, things are liable to be sticky wicked around here.
04:26Come in.
04:27Here you are, sir.
04:28Gruber's home delivery. Stashed and pressed just the way you like them.
04:33Oh. How much do I owe you?
04:35It'll be $4, sir.
04:36$4? How come the price keeps going up every week?
04:40Oh, everything's going up. Must be the war, sir.
04:42Never mind the war. Don't lean on my desk.
04:44Gruber, you and your outfit are gonna be up on charges if I find out that McHale's been stealing government property somewhere, like a washing machine, eh?
04:52Oh, the skipper wouldn't do nothing like that, sir.
04:55Speak up, man. I can't hear what you're saying. Speak up! How do you get these dirty collars, these grimy, rotten collars so clean? How do you get these skivvies so white and fluffy, eh?
05:05The captain wouldn't force me to give away trade secrets, would he? It's not democratic.
05:09Oh, shut up.
05:11Gruber, this is my dress white uniform. It's made of the finest tropical western. It's specially hand-tailored for me. And I need it for the Admiral's visit the day after tomorrow. Can I trust you with it?
05:22Oh, yes, sir. I'll give it my personal attention, sir. Of course, there'll be a slight extra charge.
05:28Extra charge?
05:29Yes, sir. After all, there's a rush job, sir. And speaking of rush, I better...
05:33I just may have a talk with the Bureau of Internal Revenue about you.
05:38Thank you, sir.
05:43Okay, Skipper, he's all yours.
05:44In his BVDs?
05:45Oh, don't worry. He's presentable. Say, get up out of the gig, Skip. I gotta get back to the base. Have a rush job.
05:50Oh, I would send it back.
05:52You know something, Gruber? If this war lasts long enough, you'll own it.
05:55Work it on it, Skip. Work it on it.
06:01Hey, Lieutenant Commander McHale reporting, Captain.
06:04Hiya, copy. How are you, buddy? Long time no see.
06:06All right, McHale. This isn't a social club. Sit down.
06:11Well, McHale, I've put up with a lot of nonsense from you, and it's time that you earned your keep.
06:15Yes, sir.
06:16I just received a signal from Comfleet.
06:18Oh?
06:19Every submarine has established a base in our area. It's somewhere in there. That would be Magnolia 7.
06:24That's your job. You go out and get it. And get off of my skivvies.
06:28Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
06:29Well, I'll check with reconnaissance and draw my supplies and be on my way, sir. Anything else, sir?
06:33That is all.
06:35McHale, where did you get a washing machine?
06:38What, sir?
06:39Never mind.
06:40I should have known that you were too sneaky to be taken in by psychology. Dismissed.
06:46Yes, sir.
06:49Crackin' up?
06:58I can't figure it out. How do they get them so fluffy?
07:05Hey, how we doin', Groob?
07:07Business is pickin' up. Got a rush job on Bingleton's dress uniform.
07:10Feel that material.
07:11Hey, don't bend or worst it. We gotta handle this dowel very carefully.
07:14Now, look. The skipper don't make it back. We work the laundry detail today.
07:18Thirteen hundred!
07:22Battle drill aboard the boat!
07:24Everybody on course!
07:25Keep it Chris. Keep it Chris.
07:27Battle drill, not this boy. I got a date.
07:30All right, Ben, now we're goin' out. Let's go. Come on, you're two snapped, too. We're going out.
07:35Two snapped, too. We're going out.
07:48Make ready all tubes.
07:51All tubes ready, sir.
07:53All right, we're gonna get this baby.
07:59Fire one!
08:01Torpedo one, fire it, sir.
08:04Heart left rudder.
08:05Heart left rudder, sir.
08:11Fire two!
08:13Torpedo two, fire it, sir.
08:15Here she goes.
08:18And...
08:20Pow-ee!
08:21Pow-ee, sir.
08:24We got her. Midship.
08:26Well, secure General Quarters and give the men a well done.
08:31Aye, aye, skipper.
08:40Long re-detailed.
08:41Gotcha.
08:46Careful with the captain's uniform.
08:51Careful with the captain's uniform.
09:1510 minutes, it's a pretty dirty load.
09:45Hey! Look out there! Hey, it's a torpedo!
10:10There ain't no herring! Torpedo! Torpedo on the port side!
10:14Well, I'll be darned!
10:16You're not going awful fast, Mr. Parker!
10:18Yeah, help!
10:19I mean, let's get out of here! Step on the gas!
10:22Give her a left rudder! Give her a lot of left rudder!
10:24I'm giving her a lot of left rudder, sir!
10:31It's gonna miss us!
10:33It's gonna miss!
10:35Oh, I wish you were!
10:37Oh! The laundry!
10:39You're lying!
10:42Don't delay!
10:44What happened?
10:46Binghamton's uniform!
10:48Hey, you think you blew up my business!
10:54Ooh!
10:55I'm wounded!
11:01Oh, the engines have stopped, sir!
11:03They must have hit us in the fan tail!
11:05I'll check!
11:06Stand by, Christie!
11:07As acting commander of this boat, I'll check the damage!
11:10Are you hurt, Groob?
11:15You bet your life I am!
11:16You're a witness!
11:17I'm wounded!
11:18You're bleeding!
11:20Ain't it beautiful?
11:21A purple heart!
11:22Mrs. Groski's gonna have a fit!
11:24Come on, give me a hand!
11:25That laundry rope fouled up the propeller!
11:27Right!
11:30Hey, Groober!
11:31Haynes!
11:33Oh, thank heavens you guys are all right!
11:34Who said we're all right?
11:36I'm wounded!
11:50I'd hang every one of you from the mast if I had a mast!
11:54Where's your pride?
11:55Where's your dignity?
11:57Scuttling your own ship with a bag full of skivvy drawers!
12:01It's disgusting!
12:02Plain disgusting!
12:04Mr. Parker, I'll talk to you inside!
12:06Aye, aye, sir!
12:07And the rest of you stand by!
12:09We're gonna be taking off after that sub!
12:11And from now on, you guys are out of the laundry business!
12:14You guys read me?
12:15Aye, sir!
12:17Parker!
12:26Now, what do you gotta say for yourself?
12:27Uh, well, sir, the drill went very well.
12:29Oh, come on, Chuck!
12:31How could you let the guys put win over on you like that?
12:34You know that Binghamton is just waiting to hang something like this on us!
12:38What do you want, Groober?
12:39Busy, sir?
12:40Amanda, sir?
12:42Come on, quit tenderizing me!
12:43What's on your mind?
12:45Well, I just wanted to thank you, sir, for...
12:47For what?
12:48For the citation you'll be putting in for me, sir!
12:50Citation? What citation?
12:52For my purple heart, sir!
12:54Purple heart?
12:55I was wounded when the torpedo hit the laundry barrel, sir!
12:59Got it in the finger!
13:06And you figured I'd write up a citation for a purple heart for you?
13:10I already wrote a letter to my mother and told her I was wounded!
13:13I figured better hear it from me than the water partners!
13:15Come on, Groober!
13:19Well, you're bombing!
13:21You expect me to send a report of this action to Binghamton?
13:25You want me to tell the Bureau of Naval Personnel what happened this afternoon?
13:29For all you know, you might have been hit with a zipper!
13:32Well, you've never seen no zipper on anything issues, sir!
13:33Stop!
13:35Get out of here!
13:36Don't you ever mention this operation again!
13:41And as far as your mother's concerned, you cut your finger on a can of anchovies!
13:46You read me, boy!
13:48I can tell my mother anything, but the Brooklyn Eagle...
13:50Brooklyn Eagle?
13:52The newspaper?
13:54The son of my picture, too!
13:55Get out of here, Groober!
14:03You better start that shifty brain of yours to figure in what you're gonna tell Binghamton about his precious sex uniform!
14:08Now, get out of here!
14:09Yes, sir!
14:14You know that guy's got enough connivance in him to wind up chief of staff?
14:18You know, sir, I hate to be the one to point this out, but actually, Groober is entitled to a purple heart.
14:23He was wounded in enemy action...
14:24Okay, okay, so he's entitled!
14:27But can you picture how the citation will have to read?
14:29While dragging your bundle of laundry on the afternoon of...
14:32Well, now, sir, I didn't mention anything about the laundry.
14:38You didn't mention the laundry?
14:41No, sir.
14:42When didn't you mention the laundry?
14:45Well, sir, as acting commander of the boat, I felt it was my duty to make out the citation and submit it to, uh...
14:51To Binghamton?
14:52To Binghamton?
14:53For...
14:54Approval?
14:55For approval.
14:58Sir, you're upset.
14:59UPSET!
15:01Hoover!
15:02We just received a signal from the main base. Captain Binghamton wants to see you and Mr. Parker.
15:06Tell her we're heading out.
15:07Uh, he said on the double, sir.
15:12Well, that does it.
15:14I hope you got a regulation that'll pull us out of this one, boy.
15:19Well, uh...
15:20Gee, now, I don't think there's anything to skipper about worry.
15:24Uh, worry about skipper. Uh, well, maybe there is.
15:27Uh, well, sir, uh, what I mean is that we, uh...
15:37Cut it out, Parker, and start talking.
15:40Yes, sir.
15:41Now, this citation reads, and I quote, an action against an enemy submarine.
15:45Yes, sir, yes, sir.
15:46Go right there, McHale.
15:48No, sir.
15:49Speak up, Parker.
15:50Well, uh, well, sir, uh...
15:53There we were.
15:55That is what I want to know.
15:58Where were you?
16:01Well, we were at sea.
16:04We were at sea.
16:05What was your position?
16:06Well, uh...
16:10Something like this, sir.
16:16Hey, Gail, why wasn't this action reported to intelligence immediately?
16:19Oh, well, well, look, Captain...
16:21Oh, well, Captain, me.
16:23Letting that submarine get away can mean a court-martial for the whole lot of you.
16:27Hmm.
16:28What's the matter, Parker?
16:29Didn't you have stomach enough for a little have-at-em, boys, huh?
16:32You big sissy.
16:34Oh, well, now, now, look, Captain, I...
16:36Don't interfere, McHale.
16:38Excuse me, sir.
16:39Urgent from the...
16:42This is the most snafu mission that I've ever seen in all my years, isn't it?
16:47By the great horn spoon.
16:51Who, sir?
16:52Horn spoon.
16:54Congratulations from the Admiral.
16:56Air reconnaissance reports seeing an action between a PT boat and a submarine.
17:00They confirm the sinking.
17:03Bits of clothing strewn all over the ocean.
17:05Oh, why in blazes didn't you just come right out and tell me that you'd sunk the sub?
17:14Oh, well, uh...
17:15Well, sir, uh...
17:16Is that all you two can say as well-a-well-a-well-a-well-a?
17:20No, uh...
17:22Well, congratulations, Parker.
17:25Even a blind pig finds an acorn sometime.
17:29And may I say it's a good thing for you, you sunk that sub.
17:33Or else it would have been your neck for not reporting it.
17:36Well, sir, I...
17:38Let's go back and tell the crew how thrilled the captain is, sir.
17:41Yes, sir, you can depend on us any time, sir.
17:44You betcha.
17:45Bye-bye.
17:47Bye-bye.
17:51Now, there's only two islands you could be using for a base.
17:53This one is just a little atoll.
17:55But this one, Borgabunda,
17:57has a nice, wide lagoon and plenty of cover.
18:01Gentlemen, that's where we're gonna be heading.
18:04Yeah, but isn't that taking a heck of a long shot?
18:06Yeah, but we have to take it.
18:08All on account of you wet-washed commandos.
18:11Look, the Navy thinks we sank that sub, so nobody's out looking for him.
18:13We gotta find his base before he finds ours,
18:17or he's gonna come around and blow up our laundry again.
18:20Only this time, we'll be in it.
18:22So let's hit it, you swab heads.
18:23This ought to be a good spot if he comes out to make a run on Tarotupa.
18:35But I figure he's smart.
18:37He ain't gonna waste no time or ammunition or anything unless he's sure it's a duck soup kill.
18:41Gee, I love that kind of talk.
18:42Slow us down to a third, will ya?
18:55With all this moonlight, he can't miss seeing us.
18:58And we gotta make him think we're dead in the water with all kinds of engine trouble.
19:01So you guys, go ahead and use all the tools you want.
19:04Go on, make as much noise as you can.
19:06And Willie, keep your ears open, will ya?
19:11It's a pound, pound away.
19:12What did the skipper say about your purple heart, big shot? You're not getting one, are you?
19:24You're kidding?
19:25Of course I am.
19:27I shed my blood for my country, didn't I?
19:29That puts my name on a list.
19:31Lester Kruger.
19:32Right between Ulysses S. Grant and John Paul Jones.
19:34All jokes.
19:35And don't forget Benny Gronski.
19:45Hey, Skipper, I'm picking up something.
19:47Propelling ore's up, eh?
19:49Well, this is it, Ben.
19:50This must be him.
19:51Keep up your hammer.
19:52Come on, come on.
19:53How far?
19:55Maybe 1,500 yards.
19:56Where are we?
19:57Periscope on the port beam!
19:59Well, this is it, boys.
20:05Let's just keep your fingers crossed so you decide not to waste a torpedo.
20:09You know any prayers, Charlie?
20:11Just one, sir.
20:12Let's have it, boy.
20:15Now I lay me down to sleep.
20:16And the endless mommy.
20:32Bill, torpedo coming fast.
20:37He didn't fall for it.
20:39Let's get out of here.
20:41What is it, sir?
20:43What is it, sir?
20:44The rope turned over.
20:45Tinker!
20:47Now I really lay me down the stairs.
20:50Tinker, give me some juice back there.
20:52What's the matter?
20:53Skip it.
20:53She won't turn over.
20:55Grab those oars back here.
21:04The fella knows about 200 yards.
21:07Stroke.
21:07Stroke hard.
21:08Put your backs into it.
21:10I wonder if he has never had a chance.
21:11Shut up and paddle.
21:1350 yards.
21:15There it is.
21:17And bless Helen.
21:19And Selma.
21:25Miss!
21:26Oh, man.
21:29All set, skippers.
21:31Story awesome.
21:32Let's go down.
21:39Are we on it, Willie?
21:41Steady as she goes.
21:43Stand by, depth charges.
21:45We're over her now, skipper.
21:48One, two, three, four.
21:52Left out, depth charges!
21:53Some screw's stopped, sir.
22:12Maybe we hit her.
22:14Hey, skip, skip.
22:15Look, she's surfacing.
22:17Hey, she's got a hole in her mouth.
22:18Hey, we did it!
22:22We got it!
22:23Hey, look, they're a badly ship.
22:25All right, you men?
22:27Give up!
22:28Hey, why don't we pick up the crew skipper and take him back to Tarotuba?
22:30Yeah!
22:31We can parade him right into Captain Binghamton's office.
22:35Hold it, hold it, you wait, balls.
22:37We can't bring those nips back.
22:39Somebody else is going to have to pick them up.
22:41And what's more, we can't ever tell a living soul about this.
22:45Why not, step boy?
22:46Why not?
22:47Are you guys forgetting?
22:48We sunk this sub yesterday.
22:51As far as anybody's concerned, we are out fishing tonight.
22:55You mean to say the crew was the only one that's going to get a medal out of this?
22:58That's exactly what I mean, sonny boy.
23:00Now get the lid out.
23:01We're all going home.
23:04Hey, fellas, don't take it so hard.
23:06When a story comes out in the Brooklyn Eagle, I'll put a kind word in for all of you.
23:12No sense of humor, huh?
23:15Well, McHale, I want you to know for the first time I really believe your story.
23:29Oh?
23:29One of our destroyers picked up the nip crew.
23:32I'm glad, sir.
23:33If it eases your fear, sir.
23:35Oh.
23:36I also wanted you to know I have approved Gruber's citation for Purple Heart.
23:41Oh, thank you, sir.
23:42Oh, he asked me to deliver the laundry, sir, with his apologies.
23:46Apologies?
23:47What for?
23:48Well, it seems that he borrowed your uniform jacket, sir.
23:51Hey, what?
23:52Well, uh, he was wearing it when he got hit, sir.
23:59Oh, I see.
24:00All right.
24:02Uh, them too, sir.
24:04Well, McHale, I'll, uh, I'll say to it that his family gets his citation.
24:12Oh, he'll be glad to hear that, sir.
24:14He, you mean he's still alive?
24:17Oh, yes, sir.
24:17He's back on duty already.
24:19Oh, that's incredible.
24:21I'll extend all my official congratulations on my best wishes.
24:24Official.
24:25Yes, sir.
24:25I certainly will, sir.
24:26Sure got a lot of spot, can't he, sir?
24:35Yeah.
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