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QI XL S23E10 - ‘W’ Animals
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00:00Music
00:05Music
00:10Music
00:15Music
00:24Good evening and welcome to QI, but tonight we're taking a walk on the wild side in a show all about animals starting with W.
00:39Let's meet our pride of panellists. Wiley as a wolf, it's Nabeel Abdul Rashid.
00:47Rick smart as a whippet, it's Sam Campbell.
00:54For us as a wrasse, it's Holly Walsh.
01:00And the blue whale is his white whale, it's Alan Davis.
01:09Let's hear their whinnies. Holly goes.
01:14Sam goes.
01:17Nabeel goes.
01:22Alan goes.
01:24William Boone. William Boone.
01:27We'll be here, we'll be here.
01:29We'll be here.
01:30Now let's open this cat of worms with question one. How many legs does a walrus have?
01:37Four.
01:38What are they hands then? Are they hands it has?
01:41Well, no. So they are legs. So it does have four, but it has more than that.
01:50Perhaps the walrus has different stages. So when it's in its larvae stage, it would have no legs. And then as it grows, it would sort of, yeah, sort of, it ends up with lawn.
01:59It ends up with lawn.
02:00One.
02:01One.
02:02One.
02:03One.
02:04One.
02:05One.
02:06One.
02:07One.
02:08One.
02:09One.
02:10One.
02:11One.
02:12One.
02:13One.
02:14Two.
02:15One.
02:16One.
02:17One.
02:18One.
02:19One.
02:20All.
02:21One.
02:22Two.
02:23One.
02:24One.
02:25four flippers so we count those as we don't count those as legs do the two tusks count as one leg
02:32so no they count as two legs and so it's got four flippers so in total it's got six legs
02:37doesn't that technically make you an insect
02:48like a fly stay woke people they're lying to us
02:51the bbc is rife with corruption the revolution is being televised but may be edited
03:02what i like is that both the males and the females have tusks and they both have moustaches
03:07but captive walruses have longer moustaches why do you think that might be because they can't go to
03:12the barber is there a barber at sea yes it's called the barber of seaville yeah
03:21but why might a captive walrus have a longer moustache than one that's out in the wild i would
03:29think then out in the wild they must be getting worn away or chipped off or nipped at by fish something
03:34that's going on out in the wild that's anti-tash yes they are constantly scrubbing along the ground
03:40looking for food what's their favorite food any thoughts um just for a bonus point we'd like to
03:46say that the walruses have a very pungent odor okay did you want to say it together or
04:01i think that's probably too they are essentially if you look at that mouse they can eat three
04:05to six thousand clams in a single sitting clams clams yes they like vongole they love clams if you took a
04:12walrus out it cost you about 1500 quid at a london fish shop that's the cost of it and what do they
04:16gather them all up then well what they can do which is amazing is they can clamp their lips around the
04:21clamshell and then they pull their tongue backwards into the mouth so fast that it it's this incredibly
04:27powerful sucking force it opens the clam and sends the clams flying up and then they spit the clam shell
04:32out do you know that's like me when i eat edamame i'm ruthless i eat them like they've wronged my
04:39family maybe so what walruses can do is that when they're in captivity they can actually suck holes
04:45in wooden planks because they have this incredible sucking force so they can suck a glory hole
04:53i don't think that's what they advertise them as in the zoo the moustaches so they can be more
04:58incognito because they've gone around sucking on all these glory holes yeah maybe that's it now i've
05:03got something which is walrus related uh i'm going to have to wear gloves in order to show it to you
05:08what do you think i might be showing you is it a bit of a walrus is a bit of a walrus yes it's a tusk
05:15balls that's right weirdly nabeel you are closer okay a penis well
05:21so you two both get a point because male walruses have a penis bone
05:30or a baculum and this is such a thing wow it looks like a rounder's back oh it's well
05:37they have been used as clubs in the past this has been lent to us by the grant museum what you're
05:41going to say it was let to you by a walrus i want it back the grant museum at the ucl credit since 1828
05:51do go and have a look it's the most fantastic museum anyway they've lent us this so why my boner
05:57yes why might they want to have a bone inside is it counts as another leg
06:01is it a rudder is it a rudder no no it means they can start mating without waiting for an erection
06:15well that badges are the same and i don't know that from personal experience
06:21why doesn't everyone have that who said everyone doesn't
06:26it's an absolute monster it's it is big isn't it and i say that with no experience whatsoever
06:32oh by the way you're holding it
06:46so in the native alaskan languages it's known as an
06:49usik and they make them into ornate clubs actually mostly i think for the sort of tourist
06:53industry you can see one here it's got a pair of polar bears carved into one end and it's really
06:58called an usik yes i'm going to pop this away because it's rather precious female
07:03walruses also have a clitoris bone which is called a bobellum but it's tiny these are
07:07different ages of clitoris bone which are strictly speaking called clitorides
07:13and they're much much smaller half a pound of clitorides please
07:19this is how you're going on holiday after we're going to the clitorides
07:24it's all inclusive
07:25so bats have them rodents have them cats dogs we don't know why some have them and some don't
07:31they're gorgeous they are gorgeous darling and here is the thing is that i wanted to show you the
07:37baculum the male penis and i wanted to show you the bulbellum and we looked for one to show you
07:42today but none of our elves could find one
07:55but if you think how do they attract each other male walruses they clap and they
07:59wolf whistle to attract females so they use whistling above ground what do you think they do
08:04underwater party bubbles they do create air bubbles but they do it by clapping their flippers
08:18okay it's called cavitation um and they can clap up to 200 decibels that's as loud as a volcanic
08:25explosion so this is not as loud as that but have a quick look
08:27what's he thinking about there it's not up on the glass isn't he it's like one single fan at a peter
08:38andre concert i don't find that attractive do you not no it's a man like this i would be like i'm out
08:48and that's why up to now you still haven't found a walrus girl
08:51that's not been your thing why isn't it clitori what did you call it i don't think anybody ever
08:59gets that lucky it's quite a nasty infection
09:11now we know how walruses get about but how did walking catfish get to florida this is a walking
09:17catfish anybody know where they first came from so they're not originally from america well africa
09:23everything starts in africa that's right right the bill when the revolution comes we're going to give
09:30you a head start and a stick to defend yourself i know where you can get a penis bone you'll be fine
09:42did it go by plane yes it did come by plane it did yes they were imported from thailand to the
09:47united states in the early 1960s as aquarium fish but everybody kind of forgot that they can walk
09:53on land and so they were in a truck being transported from one florida fish farm to another
09:58and a whole bunch of them got out and ten years later they had spread across 20 counties and they
10:03are the absolute best let's have a look at how they move they have specialized gills that let them
10:10breathe air okay we've all got home like that at the end of the night
10:14so they wriggle along the ground like a snake but they have to stay moist so they don't last
10:20all that long maybe a couple of days before they need to get back in the water but these catfish can
10:25smell the air with their skin and they will wriggle away from things like the smell of rotten eggs
10:31but they will wriggle towards the smell of pond water in fact it's the only fish known to be able to smell
10:36out of water and because they can't stay on the land for very long they are able to work out by smell
10:41where they ought to go and the thing i haven't really thought about is that fish have a very
10:46well-developed sense of smell they can smell who's related to them they can smell where their home
10:51area is they can smell where food is wouldn't they just know if they're related to someone
10:55i don't need to smell my dad he's my dad right but if you were blindfolded would you still know that it
11:03was your father why am i blindfolded how many men are you presenting me with what kind of sick game is
11:10this
11:13you're lining up 10 men and asking me to smell the topic i mean i'm game i'll do it but you
11:20if i was blindfolded i couldn't tell my dad from smelling him but i'd know it was him from how he'd
11:24react to me smelling him was that an early childhood lesson i remember the day i found that my dad was
11:33ambidextrous but that's the story
11:37but unlike walking catfish that wriggle with along with their tails there's another kind that moves
11:42they're called thai cave fish and they can walk and what's amazing is they do it up waterfalls let's
11:49have a quick look they have a very specialized pelvis really strong fins and they can shuffle up
11:55wet rock without sliding i think they spend like two weeks going up and then they go
12:06it's the only living species that moves like this this particular cave fish in thailand and this is
12:11possibly how the first fish evolved to be able to walk on land right let's all move on to dry land and
12:16talk about wombats okay here are some facts about wombats first of all carry their babies in pouches
12:23they have cube shaped poo their teeth never stop growing and they are the largest burrowing mammals
12:31in the world so how did mad wombat boy get his nickname it's a long time ago and i don't want to
12:40talk about it those days were you a small boy darling do i look like i've ever been small
12:48did mad wombat boy did he do cubie poos could you make them into a rubik
12:57they're cubed partly because they they don't roll away it's a good way of marking your territory and
13:01they're able to do it by constricting their anus i am so gonna try that when i come home
13:05that boy where are we with one but he was maybe raised by wombats no he wasn't raised by wombats he
13:13went to boarding school which is similar you have to borrow your way out you do have to so the boroughs
13:20the boroughs are the key to it oh did he go underground and get lost in the bar you get a
13:24point absolutely he went down into the boroughs so we're talking about the 1960s peter pj nicholson
13:30he discovered that there were that's not him is it that's just when he came out the other end
13:39pj this is like one of those before and after all those turkey sort of uh teeth
13:44this is what you look like and then you get in with a full set of dentures
13:48he was at boarding school in victoria australia and there were wombat burrows nearby and so wombat
13:54burrows only about 20 inches wide and so scientists had never been down to see what they were like
13:58and pj was 15 and he was quite slight he sneaked out at night and went down into the wombat burrows and
14:05he memorized the layout and he drew maps when he got back to his room i mean it's unbelievably dangerous
14:10he even found wombats down there that had been trapped in their own uh tunnels and he wrote about
14:16this in his school magazine and he became known as mad wombat boy a bit harsh the mad bit isn't it
14:21inquisitive wombat boy did you show the trapped ones his map so they could make it out that would have
14:28been good wouldn't it how did he know they were trapped down there uh dead oh
14:35is it true that he took a wombat bride
14:37married at first sight australia
14:46but they are the largest burrowing mammal in the world they grow up to about four foot long they
14:51weigh about 35 kilos about 10 times heavier i suppose than a newborn baby they're marsupials so what
14:56does that mean they have pouches yes they have pouches but i have to say the wombats are very clever
15:01because they dig right they're burrowing their pouches on the females face backwards so they don't get
15:07mud in the pouch while they're digging don't you think that's a woman going i'm going to sort this
15:14everything drops out so like other creatures other marsupials the male wombat is called a jack the
15:19female is called a jill the babies are called joeys now the internet says that the collective noun for
15:25wombats what do you think it might be it's a wisdom of wombats now why is that not a good collective
15:38noun they're not very wise no they're hardly ever seen in groups so you don't need it yeah there's
15:45no collective nouns for like loners no what would be a collective noun for loans pointless pointless of
15:51loneliness i don't know but the wombat is an aboriginal symbol of wisdom so maybe you sort
15:56to be very clever anyway peter nicholson the school boy now all grown up his data remained the best
16:01information about wombat burrows until the 2024 invention of the wombot which is that oh finally
16:10finally it can crawl through on caterpillar tracks why can't you get claw gloves
16:15what just for yourself just got got a pair of gloves with claws on and strap them on i think
16:24that'd be a big seller i think a lot of people would like to have claws there's a lot of uses for them
16:29but what if you forget you've got them on well you could have an accident if you went to scratch
16:33yourself yeah but i think you'd only do that once yes but can i just remind you that no boy can keep his
16:41hand out of his trousers okay so i'm gonna upset you here alan and the elves are telling me that claw
16:48gloves are available on amazon at 7.99 oh you know what i'm very i suspect that they'll be a child's
16:59toy claw glove oh no i've fallen for this in the past okay i once bought what i thought was a ladder
17:05and it turned and it was only 3.99 and it turned out to be for a doll's house
17:14i for one was very grateful when you passed it on
17:20how do you think i got in this chair i have a quick question for you what do wombats do with their
17:26bottoms to protect against predators twerk that would be the right answer
17:35not quite but so nearly the right answer that i had to give it to you what's amazing about their
17:45bottoms they consist of four bone plates which are fused together they're covered in a thick layer of
17:50cartilage and skin and fur and so on very few nerve endings and what they've discovered is that there are
17:55crushed animal skulls sometimes near the entrance to the burrow and what they think is that they twerk
18:00as it were with the bottom and squash the predator to death
18:08gives face sitting a new meaning
18:13that is one hell of a way to go
18:20but most famous of course the thing everybody talks about it's the poo the poo is the thing they have all
18:24these other skills they have the most they have the most talented assholes i've ever heard
18:32in australia if you commit a sort of a federal crime you can choose that there's a way to die
18:40to be twerk to death by a wombat yeah or kylie minogue
18:44okay moving along um how far from here do you have to travel to find a marsupial in the wild well i know
18:56there's some in london zoo but that's not what no it's got to be living in the world is it a special
19:00island it is on an island yes how far do we think 100 100 miles a bit further 300 yeah it was about 250
19:07miles we're talking about the isle of man so there have been uh wild red-necked wallabies on the isle of man
19:13since some escaped from a local wildlife park in the 1960s escape from the wildlife park and then
19:19you get to the edge and you're on the isle of man yeah the other side we're still on the isle of man
19:24nothing they realize the best place here is the wildlife park in 2020 there were 1750 on the isle of man
19:32that's a lot it is a heck of a lot the other place you could find them you could have said scotland
19:36there's an island known as wallaby island in lough loman or inch cornochen island and they were
19:42let loose in world war ii by this amazing woman called fiona bride gore she was the countess of
19:47aaron and i love her because as well as being a welfare advocate an exotic animal keeper and so on
19:53she was a very famous powerboat racer she was known as the fastest granny on the water
19:59and in 1980 she went over 100 miles an hour on lake windermere was she drinking while she did it i mean
20:06i'll have whatever she's on and her husband the earl of aaron had the most incredible name he was
20:10arthur katendike strange david archibald gore and in a very british way known to his friends as boofy
20:20but i am slightly obsessed with him because he was at the same time the director of the daily mail
20:25and a passionate advocate for homosexual rights and he sponsored the sexual offenses bill that legalized
20:32homosexual sex between men in 1967. it turns out that his brother who should have inherited the earldom the
20:38earl of aaron killed himself because he was gay and so he had really strong feelings about it and so
20:42well done boofy good man um yeah anyway they're not just on an island in scotland or the isle of man
20:52between 2008 and 2018 there were 95 confirmed sightings of wallabies in other places in the uk
20:59and in fact the journal of ecology and evolution keeps a list called where's wallaby
21:06he's got foxes in london but if they were wallabies i'd be pretty happy what's their main threat
21:10do you think the wallaby hugs hugs hugs
21:15there's my mum's friend in tash my parents live in tasmania and um she's looking after tasmanian devils
21:21like baby ones and they don't hunt they find dead animals so at night she goes around with a axe and
21:27chops up dead wallabies to feed to them so i would say yeah my mum's friend
21:34that started off so wholesome
21:39i think she's called denise
21:42darling the main threat is humans probably hit by cars and then smashed to bits by your friend i think
21:46that's one of the things i like about wallabies the mothers are the most impressive multitaskers so
21:51they can be suckling a newborn on one teat with one kind of milk have an older baby on the other
21:56teat with a completely different kind of milk giving it different nutrients and be developing
22:00another joey in the uterus and meanwhile the man's playing golf yeah they're nature's first baristas
22:16that would be really impressive if you did a kind of steamed milk
22:24not to only talk about my mum but she can actually do still and sparkling
22:30so when a wallaby is born this is incredible as soon as it's born it climbs up the mother's fur so
22:36it's in a near fetal state and it latches on to the teat and it has to stay there the teat swells and it
22:42has to stay there for in the next four months right can't let go to the point where if the mother dies
22:48they actually have to cut the teat off otherwise it would damage the joey's mouth it has to stay
22:52in the joey's mouth and then they do surgery to remove it and bottle feed it so when do they put
22:57it in the pouch no it's in the pouch right so the babies are in the pouch yes darling okay okay
23:03have you been to king island darling which is north of tasmania no no but i've been dying to go
23:08i want to go because wallabies outnumber humans by over 300 to one so about 500 000 wallabies and
23:18about 1600 people i would absolutely love to go how do you think wallabies can tell if an animal is a
23:23threat do they look online they smell the poo yeah so what they did was they fed dogs different meats
23:31and some of it they fed the dog wallaby and then they hid the faeces in the park and there were certain
23:36ones so they just wouldn't go near and in most particular they wouldn't go near the ones where
23:40the dogs had eaten one of them i mean that's hardly an effective way of knowing if someone's a
23:44threat that means i have to let the burglar in show him where the toilet is right yeah
23:49then after if you just yeah something smells fishy here yeah yeah this smells like he's eating a
23:56playstation
23:59honestly that takes ages to digest i'm telling you but playstation 5 is a lot quicker but the 4
24:05makes you do cute poos you know is that if you could choose what shape your poo would be what
24:09do you think you would choose australia oh i once had a uh poppadom and i broke a bit off and then i
24:17looked at it and it looked like australia it looked so like australia i photographed it and put it on
24:22twitter this is in the early days in social media it's quite fun they said look at this poppadom it looks like
24:27australia and quite a few tasmanians got in touch said once again we've been ignored
24:35i mean you could have just put a bit of chutney near it get another bit of poppadom and added on
24:40yes sorry i thought you're gonna say and you found it in your faeces completely untouched
24:48i think it would be remarkable if you could pass a poppadom for your entire body without it breaking
24:53yes that would be challenge accepted i would probably do my phone number
25:02your mobile number have you got have you got a landline zero four three no don't tell
25:09now what w animal is this woman wielding so we are not showing it we've eliminated the animal
25:19so a water beetle it is a kind of beetle oh is it ringo star
25:28this is a very famous statue as far as the americans are concerned it is in the heart of enterprise
25:32alabama and it was put up in 1919 and it's the bowl weevil monument so they're tiny little beetles
25:39and they nest in cotton plants and they eat them from the inside out so the bowl is the fruit of the
25:45cotton plant and the weevil lays its eggs on the bowl like that one mating pair can produce about
25:52two million offspring in a single season wow wait so those things were destroying plantations yes they
25:59were darling cotton plantations cotton plantations i like them already they arrived in the u.s from
26:06mexico in 1892 and in just five years they had trunk cotton production by 50 percent right on i mean
26:14they worked just through it like a dose of salts so why might the people of enterprise fall in love
26:19with the weevil when cotton was their livelihood put the price of cotton up well you're heading in the
26:25right direction it's absolutely economic so their cotton crops were destroyed and they were forced to
26:30diversify so they started to grow peanuts and other crops instead and by the time the weevils had reached
26:36other parts of the united states they were already cornering the market in those new crops yeah and
26:42so they put up a monument the bowl weevil monument and then the peanut weevil turned up yeah and that
26:48is sort of interesting i've been they have statues all over related to the weevil there's major weevil
26:53there's dr weevil they have a sir winston weevil that's sir winston weevil that's hideous yes
27:00yeah uh what are the rules do you think of a weevil wrestling match i'm going to start with a
27:06particular kind of weevil they're called giraffe necked weevils these are amazing look at that yeah
27:13so what do you think why might they have a wrestling match mating go it's gonna be mate yes absolutely
27:18it's making that's how i met my wife so i i have to fight seven weevils the males beat each other
27:26basically with their elongated necks this is in the madagascan rainforest and what i like is the
27:31female is the referee she decides which one was the winner and then she mates with the winner i think
27:37this sounds like newcastle city centre on a saturday well let's have a quick look we're going to show
27:42you weevil porn now so there's the female she's just sitting there waiting and there's the male so
27:48he's trying to get him off he's trying to get him off he's trying to get him off get off what happens
27:51is the smaller male will sometimes hide during the mating process and if the male that's mating gets
27:56distracted he sneaks in he sneaks in they know you're showing this it seems a bit private it's from a
28:07specific website that i had to pay the walrus videos are the most popular ones of all the insect videos they've got
28:18there are also granary weevils these live exclusively in places where humans store cereal crops they've never
28:25been found anywhere else so they have been found in egyptian tombs dating to 2300 bc where they
28:31ate all of the grain that was destined for the pharaoh's afterlife oh no i know it's not good where's my
28:37grain yeah what's happening so we curse you anubis you jackal-headed bastard
28:43can i say that's one of the best references i've ever heard on this show
28:55now be prepared for this i have chickens for you please bring on the chickens
29:03this is uh
29:03this is jane with chicky menage um and this is carl with hennifer aniston
29:15so what i want you to try and do guys i want you to try and make your chicken blush
29:20okay i can see your privates
29:22how can you tell if it's blushing oh you really can they turn red as a result of emotion so you would
29:44think that was limited to humans but chickens do it as well i can do that but i need some onions some garlic
29:53i mean i'm like a chicken whisperer
29:57that would have been embarrassing yeah but if you look at this picture this picture is the same
30:02chicken the chicken pale and then the chicken blushing and they flush what do you want more i've got
30:08some hang on here look i've got loads here baby don't don't poo on my cards
30:15if that's not embarrassing i don't know what is there we go how's that these are rescue chickens is that right
30:20they've been they've been rescued from a life on a battery farm kfc uh so they they're very content
30:35so they blush by sending blood to their wattles as well as to their cheeks when they're scared or
30:38excited and the redder the chicken the more overwrought they are oh we don't want to make them over
30:44yeah i know we don't want to at all just a bit rot
30:47look out look out predator run run for your life
30:56where's it going it's going down the hill no no no no no no no no no no no no no wait
31:02thank you thank you very much uh this is jackie and um
31:07they're all going to stop
31:11carl and jane and our lovely chickens
31:19if you look at this picture you really can tell in the mission it's the same chicken you can tell
31:23something about their emotion and one of the things they discovered is that the stressed ones
31:27they blush deep red so the one in this picture on the right has been accused of something i think
31:31probably or it could be excited because they blush too but not quite as much anyway why might you do
31:37this why might you research this and find out what they do you've got a grant
31:47i mean if you're concerned about animal welfare you might think i don't want the red-faced chicken
31:52something's up absolutely right you just want to check that they're okay and you could also do this
31:56with turkeys they do a rather similar thing when aroused if i can use that expression oh they're
32:02gorgeous aren't they aren't they amazing but sometimes they go blue when they're holding their breath
32:08but turning red you get it in other birds they did a study recently into macaws blushing and they found
32:15that they only turn red when they're getting human attention and as soon as the human turns their back they
32:20return to a normal color and the current theory about it is it's their equivalent of smiling
32:27i know there's a ring that can do this i believe depending on what your emotion is it actually
32:32changes color flushing and poultry is particularly obvious in the wattles that's those hanging flaps
32:40of chin skin but what is a wattle actually for marketing conflicts
32:51i'm getting a waffle you're getting a waffle well it's just you know you get to a certain age
32:55i thought you were saying i'm getting one like you're going to get them added yeah i'm going to go to
32:59turkey yeah thank you why don't people get cosmetic surgery like that like why doesn't someone just
33:04get a really long nose well i think people do do weird things isn't there some guy in japan has made
33:09himself look as much like a dog as possible there is a guy in australia who got it done and he had his whole
33:14body tattooed green and his teeth sharpened so he looked like a lizard and apparently he regrets it
33:19really he looked in the mirror and his tail just fell off
33:28it must be to attract the opposite sex that's exactly right so along with the comb on a rooster
33:34the chicken's waffle gets bigger and redder as the animal gets more testosterone
33:39in wallace and gromit when the penguin puts a glove on its head it's one of my favorite things
33:44that's ever happened in film and then everyone thinks it's a chicken you know i've got a 12 year
33:50old friend of mine and i said to her i said have you been watching any films over christmas and she
33:55said oh i loved that film about the gay couple they were drinking a lot of tea and talking about cheese
34:00and i said are you talking about wallace and gromit and she said yes i said what made you think it was
34:07a gay couple she said oh he keeps going
34:19so now our sign for anybody we think might be gay we all go
34:24anyway the waffle is very important it kind of literally tells them where they are in the pecking
34:28order if you've got a bigger waffle then you are superior if you took all of the chickens wattles
34:33away nobody would know where they stood now it's time to wander into the belly of the beast we call
34:38general ignorance fingers on buzzers please which animal has the largest testes the nigerian male sorry
34:47i but in second place some kind of whale okay what kind of whale the blue whale
35:04never say blue whale never say blue whale so you're thinking of the wrong kind of whale anybody
35:10another kind of whale that's the wrong whale that's the wrong whale and we want the right whale the
35:20right whale alan gets a point is exactly right yes
35:29they're talking about the north atlantic right whale they have the largest testes on earth they can weigh up to
35:35five hundred kilograms each what would it sperm be so big that i personally could ride on it
35:48having larger testes doesn't necessarily mean you have larger sperm in fact having larger testes makes
35:53you more promiscuous because what happens is you give a little bit of your sperm to many more partners
35:58and that's why you have large tests i'm afraid sandy that wasn't my question can i
36:01can i ride on one of the sperms of this whale no but what are the advantages of having such huge balls
36:10really well i i mean you'd have to ask the tuberous bush cricket okay these are the largest testes in
36:21the world for its size it represents 14 of its body mass now can i just say they don't hang out like that
36:28okay they're normally internal these have been taken out and unrolled all right why would you do
36:33that to it so the right whale is only about one percent why is who's that in the photo this man why
36:40is he smiling like a smiling like he just got paid you dirty prick
36:45if one of you boys had testes that size if
36:54i feel like having the weight of a microwave between your legs that would be yeah it's hard sometimes
37:01my testes are actually very small but i've got a lot of them it looks like a sort of a bunch of cramps
37:08okay i mean the thing is you say that to me and i think oh maybe some of them come like that what do i
37:13anyway the right whale they're all internal which is a problem because you think the bodies would be
37:19too hot to make viable sperm but they have this special system of blood vessels which allows for
37:24warmer and colder blood vessels to pass by each other and share the heat so they can get them down
37:29to the right temperature anyway i can show you this right whales because they've got this very large
37:33testes they produce four and a half liters of sperm in one go okay um and that is that much
37:43oh wow that's a lot isn't it yeah
37:52now you'll know this my darling boy where are dingoes from peckham
37:59where is it from oh africa it's always africa that's right
38:05southeast asia probably arrived in australia three to eight thousand years ago you see dogs
38:09like that all over barley bill bailey normally brings a couple home
38:15really bring home i'm joking from a dog so he's found in the street in barley no that's only chris
38:21who does it then they get them home to hammersmith and they're fucking mental
38:29they what they do when times are hard they get eaten what in hammersmith no
38:33not a lot of people know that they also live in burrows
38:38dingos this one's about just emerging there
38:45so he would have laid just a few eggs and then slowly emerging
38:48mad dingo boys right behind him with his map
38:53american visitors john a wheeler was the first to imagine tunnels through space-time he named them
38:58after the holes dug by an animal beginning with w and he called them wormholes
39:09so this is him hanging out with other clever theoretical physicists he first wrote about what
39:14we now call wormholes in the 1950s but he called them wood chuck holes does anybody know what a wood
39:21chuck yeah no one took on the wood chuck chuck how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck
39:26could chuck wood i don't know 10.
39:32and he also popularized the term black hole which we talk about in space in the 1960s before that it
39:37was called a completely collapsed gravitational object the black hole's better don't you think
39:43anybody know how a wormhole works in star trek here when they go through it they end up
39:48in another place because it lives through the space-time continuum yes and they end up in the
39:52same galaxy where the cardassians are sometimes the feranghi the feranghi don't really get on well
39:58with the vulcans a lot of people mistake vulcans for cardassians and then there's like this
40:02artificially created species called the gem hadar now the gem hadar they're warriors but like they
40:08don't like they're not like the klingons klingons have like a really interesting culture and also
40:13they were only portrayed by ethnic minorities so like they were the first woke aliens right so what
40:18was the question if you wanted a sense of what going into a black hole is like black holes are the best holes
40:33so it's caused by extreme gravity bending space-time so much that it turns back on itself and it makes
40:45a tunnel and that allows you to travel from one part of the universe to the other john wheeler once
40:50said which i like very much if you haven't found something strange during the day it hasn't been much
40:55of a day how many limbs does a starfish have i think this is a trap yes it is i don't think it has
41:03any limbs i think it's naught is the correct yes i feel my work with you grasshopper is done
41:18yeah so what does it look like looks like a star but it doesn't really look like a star doesn't
41:23really look like a fish either so how many legs does it you know if it just looked right how many
41:28have we got three three four five okay so it looks like five legs sticking out from a central torso
41:32they're actually penises no it's all head so what happened is scientists looked at it and thought well
41:41where's the head so they started looking for the head gene and the torso gene and so on and the truth
41:46was completely the opposite to what we've all assumed the head gene was absolutely everywhere it was even
41:52in the tips of the arms the torso was completely missing the starfish is all head and no that's
41:57just one big face when we were talking about the walrus we talked about a definition of the leg as an
42:02organ of support and locomotion for the animal body what it does have is how many feet do you think
42:08ten thousand you're very close fifteen thousand around feet wow tiny tube feet which are all over the
42:15the body there we go look at that tiny tiny feet so it's basically all head and lots and lots of feet
42:23but it does have an anus in case anybody was worrying about that the thing in the middle or is that the
42:28mouth the mouth is at the center of the underside yeah so it shits out of its head it's the center of the
42:33upper side of the body they eat by dropping their stomach out of their mouth they wrap it around the food
42:40they digest it externally and then they pull the whole stomach back into the mouth and then they
42:44put it out the top of their head yeah wow what a lot i know i know that's starfish for you all mouth
42:51and no trousers now let's see who's the biggest smarty pants and take a look at tonight's scores
42:57so our winner tonight oh like a duck to water with minus two it's alan
43:07minus two
43:11in second place still the cat's whiskers with minus nine sam
43:19in third place on a wild goose chase with minus nine holly
43:27and last the world might be your oyster but this one's gone off with minus 28 nabeel
43:40that's it for this edition of qi thanks to sam nabeel holly and alan and i leave you with this
43:46from bob hope my father told me all about the birds and the bees the liar i went steady with a woodpecker
43:52until i was 21. thank you and good night
44:07you
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