Horrible Histories 2001 Episode 7-8 The Wild West

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Transcript

00:01The trouble with being a kid today is you grow up too quickly.

00:04There's just not enough time.

00:06Well, for some kids, that is.

00:13Where are we this time?

00:15Horrible Histories.

00:17Wow!

00:18Horrible Histories.

00:21Who would do that?

00:23A smart, hungry caveman. Good idea.

00:26Have any of you seen a girl about so tall, big?

00:30Cartoon-y eyes?

00:31Oh, and you gotta go.

00:32You gotta go.

00:33And wait, Stata can't find him anyway.

00:36Wow! Socrates rocks!

00:39Is that the Spanish Armada?

00:42Horrible Histories.

00:45Horrible Histories.

00:49Horrible Histories.

00:53Well, Moe, what do you think about all this cool old stuff?

00:56We're history!

01:00Horrible Histories which I

01:10Is novel a Erudato

01:11It was the standardmas that the

01:13Homer had some comedy as,

01:15may be the mayoral arguing

01:17or will it in the office time?

01:18Mo, you have got to do something about this place.

01:28Why, I don't see anything wrong with it. I like it just the way it is.

01:32Well, your mom doesn't agree. She said no more television until you cleaned up.

01:36Mmm, oh well. Who could find it in this mess anyway?

01:40She also said no more ice cream.

01:42No problem. I've still got some left from last night. Anything else?

01:46Uh, plus you're grounded.

01:49What? That's it. She's got no right to ground me. That's oppression.

01:55And nobody's going to oppress me. Not my mom, not even you.

01:59I've got rights. Like the right to live in filth if I want to.

02:02As President John F. Kennedy once said,

02:05Ask not what your messy squalor of a room can do for you, but what you can do for that squalor.

02:11Oh, brother.

02:13So you think you've got it hard, huh?

02:15Yeah, my right to live in a mess is being violated.

02:19You think that's oppression?

02:21Let's take a trip back to medieval England,

02:24where living in filth was the only option.

02:27And as for personal rights...

02:29Well, you'll see.

02:30You know what?

02:46The only thing that stinks more than this manure is King John.

02:50King John?

02:51Isn't he the one who gave Robin Hood all the trouble?

02:54Yeah, him.

02:55Not very popular.

02:56Especially with the peasants.

02:57Yeah, that's true, Tom. You know what that rat of a king's done this time?

03:03What?

03:04He's passed a law that everyone has to change their name to Keith.

03:09What?

03:10And then he levied attacks against everyone named Keith.

03:14Furthermore, he's put attacks on pointy hats.

03:18So now my name's Keith?

03:20Yes.

03:21He can't do that.

03:22I just bought two pointy hats.

03:29I didn't do anything wrong.

03:32You don't need to do anything wrong, Keith.

03:36Peasants have no rights, or ever due word.

03:40Surf's up.

03:42Thanks, watch it.

03:43Sorry, different kind of surf.

03:49The surfs were peasants who lived and worked on land owned by the lords.

03:52As a result, they owned nothing and had very few rights, especially when it came to taxes.

03:58The lords collected taxes for the king, and the king placed taxes on everything.

04:04He placed taxes on grain, and then on the ovens, the surfs baked their grain in.

04:09Taxes were paid if the surf wanted to get married, and in some places, even if he wanted to cross a bridge.

04:16When the lord took a census, the surf had to pay a head tax just to prove he existed.

04:21And when he died, he was taxed for his burial.

04:25The king touched everything, taking a piece of all the surf's possessions.

04:30And that's why the word tax comes from the latin word, which means to touch or poke.

04:37And because he was the king, nobody got to poke him back.

04:45That's terrible.

04:46Why'd we get sent here to find out about our rights?

04:49You'll see.

04:51But we're in a dung heap.

04:53Get used to it.

04:56This is England.

04:57The year is 1215, around the time when court jesters became popular.

05:01The first mouse traps were used, and everyone's in a dung heap.

05:06Ah, it's not so bad.

05:08My room's been twice this dirty.

05:10Come on, Stitch.

05:10Let's get out of here.

05:11Do you get the feeling we're being followed?

05:33Only by that large mass of unruly peasants named Keefoo Threatening Pitchforks.

05:38Should we try some fleeing for our lives?

05:40That would be good.

05:47Stop them!

05:48Stop them!

05:49Drive from the Earl of Chesty's manure!

05:53Huh?

05:54What's so important about manure?

05:57Manure was used as fertilizer to help grow crops and food,

06:00and like everything else in the feudal system, it belonged to the Lord of the Manor.

06:04Or, in this case, the Lord of the Manure.

06:10In the Middle Ages, all people were classed by who their parents were and how much money they had.

06:15This is called the feudal system, and for poor people, it stunk worse than dung.

06:23The big cheese at the top was the king.

06:26Next came the clergy, those who prayed.

06:29They were followed by the knights.

06:34Knights get their land from the king and get to play Lord of the Manor.

06:38In return, they fight for the king when he needs them.

06:42Next in the picking order are the merchants and craftsmen.

06:45This class is growing quickly.

06:48And, slightly below that, we have the serfs.

06:51The serfs farmed the land to pay the rent.

06:59They were poor and extremely miserable.

07:02But that's the way it goes when the guy at the top rules by birthright, not by election.

07:09Wow, so if the king is a bad guy...

07:12So much for personal rights.

07:14Stop them! They've taken the gold!

07:17You know what I really like about the Middle Ages, Stitch?

07:39Now what?

07:40This is the first place I've ever seen that's messier than our room.

07:43And this is a good thing?

07:45Of course! It means total freedom from room cleaning and no more getting grounded either.

07:50I wonder what you do for fun around here.

07:57Welcome to Fun Central, better known as the local harvest festival.

08:01You've got to be kidding.

08:03Sorry, kiddies. This is as much fun as there was to be had in the Middle Ages.

08:12Hey, Mo, look! A puppet show!

08:14So, Punch says...

08:19Hey, Keith! Let me be bad king, Tom, and I'll walk all over you!

08:26And Judy says...

08:27I don't think so!

08:31Then Punch goes...

08:32You dare say no to me, peasant?

08:40Aunt Judy says...

08:41And for this, I gave up a promising career as a marionette?

08:45Even in our own puppet shows, the peasants are oppressed.

08:48I can't believe there are kids our age sitting around watching a puppet show.

08:54But I...

08:54Yeah, how could it get worse?

08:57Well, we could be in school.

08:59Why aren't you kids in school?

09:01You had to go and open your mouth.

09:13Here at the Vassal Academy, you young squires will learn...

09:17Riding!

09:18Use of weapons, nightly arts, and three other important things.

09:21First, how to skewer a lady's handkerchief without skewering the lady!

09:27Second, how to fall from a horse without looking too silly!

09:30And last, but certainly not least, you will learn how to grubble shamelessly to the lord of the castle!

09:42Whatever happened to the three arts?

09:44Reading, writing, and...

09:46Recess!

09:48Reading!

09:49Aside from a few months, you will have the time or the ability to read.

09:53We have more important things to do, like proving our valour!

09:56So, who's first?

09:57Oh, oh, I'll do it!

09:59Hello!

10:00Wait a minute!

10:01You're a...

10:02wench!

10:03A what?

10:05Not a what, a wench!

10:07A girl!

10:09And your point would be?

10:11Girls have no rights!

10:13Girls can't go to night school!

10:16How about going during the day?

10:19They're not allowed!

10:22If I waited for the stuff girls are allowed to do in the Middle Ages,

10:26I'd be waiting until the next millennium!

10:28Watch this!

10:29I'll show you what a wench can do!

10:37I've got to go!

10:41Yes!

10:42Today's the house we've all been waiting for!

10:54Yes, today's the joust we've all been waiting for.

11:11Support Noy Paddler versus the Earl of Chester.

11:14The odds are on support Noy.

11:18Itchy.

11:18Wait, we seem to have a surprise entry.

11:28Oh my, it looks like the mad as a mad dog Earl of Chester's going to take on these nays himself.

11:36If you ask me, the two young upstarts are going to find their limbs tossed to the opposite ends of Cornwall.

11:43What are we going to do now?

11:45It doesn't look great, does it?

11:47That's not very rare, Sharon.

11:49No!

11:51I'm not so sure about...

11:52It's a miracle.

12:17If I had known the knaves would win, I would have get my best cow and two chickens.

12:24Ooh, the Earl's going to be crazy.

12:28Sounds!

12:29My lord is not.

12:32Neither are we.

12:33First of all, we're lucky we didn't get killed out there.

12:36And second of all...

12:37Something smells really, really bad.

12:40Ew!

12:41I think I've figured out what it is.

12:45How many more years until someone invented soap?

12:47You know, for a guy who smelled so bad, he sure was sensitive.

13:06The dungeon sure is dank.

13:08I wish I had my nightlight.

13:10Me too.

13:11Maybe this is why they call it the Dark Ages.

13:14Mo, they were called dark because they didn't have education or good manners.

13:18And you thought you wouldn't fit in?

13:19This is injustice!

13:21We're stuck in the slum if we're beating some Earl at a game.

13:24The right to live in a mess isn't worth losing my freedom.

13:27What happened to our rights?

13:30Patience, patience.

13:32Oi!

13:33Is that a rat?

13:34It's following.

13:35If anyone could get out of this hole, a rat can't.

13:37Oh, phew.

13:49Where's this nose quibble?

13:56Newsflash, I don't think we improved our situation.

13:59I vote we go back to the dungeon.

14:01Ew, I'm with you.

14:03This is even a little too much for me.

14:06Where the heck are we?

14:08That would be our sewer, Keefe.

14:12New last week.

14:13We're very proud of it.

14:15We had a parade and a maypole dancing contest.

14:17I'll talk second, please.

14:19Ew.

14:21Good thing we had our vaccinations.

14:24Yeah, I hear they have some pretty bad diseases here in the Middle Ages.

14:27Like typhoid, diphtheria, measles, mumps and rubella.

14:31Not to mention smallpox, cholera, dysentery and the ever-popular bubonic plague.

14:36I wouldn't gloat about our misfortune.

14:40Especially since it's you two, Keefe.

14:45The old soldiers are looking for.

14:47Don't turn us in.

14:49Please?

14:50No, boy.

14:51Wouldn't get a reward.

14:52No.

14:54Peasants never get rewards.

14:56We get taxed, sure.

14:57The latest is our names.

14:59What's next?

15:00Sheep?

15:00Stitch, quick.

15:06They've seen us.

15:07Let's hide out in those shacks over there.

15:11Actually, Mo, around here, that's what they call a town.

15:15And I thought Mo's room needed a clean-up.

15:18In the Middle Ages, the town was a fairly new concept.

15:24Before the Crusades, or Holy Wars, the people were spread out across the country, living off the land.

15:29There was nothing good to buy, just the same old stuff, century in, century out.

15:34But when the armies returned from the Crusades bearing great souvenirs and gifts, it was cause to rejoice.

15:40My father went on a crusade, and all I got was his lousy shirt.

15:46Soon, the Crusaders realised that if they sold the cool stuff they brought home, they'd make a profit.

15:52Thus, the merchant class was born.

15:54Smelling a chance to make a little profit of their own, craftsmen opened shops nearby, and soon towns were on the map.

16:02Shops grouped together to make towns, and before you knew it, you got shopping centres.

16:10Shops grouped together to make a lot of money.

16:14Careful, Stitch!

16:24Eww!

16:25Aye, you'd think I had the plague.

16:31You know, the plague was rampant in the Middle Ages.

16:35No one was safe.

16:37Great! This is your idea of a learning experience.

16:40Hey, lady, maybe a little antibacterial soap to kill some germs?

16:46Soap, Keith? Are you daft?

16:49Do you know what they put in that stuff?

16:52It'll make you blind.

16:53It's disgusting.

16:56And the taxol!

17:00Disgusting?

17:01Even I never thought soap was disgusting before.

17:04Well, you never lived in the Middle Ages before.

17:06Here, soap was a far cry from 98% pure.

17:12Well, not even 5% for that matter.

17:14Difficult thing to find.

17:15It was made with lye and ashes and animal fat.

17:21Excuse me, I said animal fat, not fat animals.

17:25The lye and the soap often burned the skin, leaving it red and chafed.

17:30But what good was soap anyway, since baths were few and far between?

17:33So, aren't they washed before meals?

17:37They didn't.

17:37Maybe that's why germs spread so quickly around here and so many people died young.

17:42Get it right, Stitch.

17:43And those guys were the ones who spread the plague.

17:46First of all, Stitch, it's not polite to point.

17:48And second, it's a myth about the rats spreading the plague.

17:52In actual fact, it was the fleas on the rats that spread the plague.

18:02No washing, filth, germs, and to think I thought these were good things.

18:07This is as bad as it gets, right?

18:10Well...

18:10Guess what?

18:11What, what?

18:12I just heard that King Jones put a big fat tax on death.

18:17Yes, when you die, you owe him money.

18:27Hmm, then I can't afford to die.

18:30King John wants death, we'll give him death.

18:32Yay!

18:41Let's see if he can afford it.

18:44We've got to stop him.

18:45We've got to limit his power.

18:47We're entitled to some rights, mate.

18:50Like dying.

18:51And our own names.

18:53I hate the name, Keith.

18:54We won't stop until we get them.

18:57Now I get it.

18:58They didn't fight for the right to live in filth.

19:01The filth drove them to fight for their rights.

19:04And now it sounds like they're going to make a clean sweep of King John.

19:08Even if we have to sacrifice all our lives to do it.

19:12Maybe we should just lend him our vacuum cleaner.

19:14King John, we have here a document filled with good ideas telling the people of England, especially you, King John, what they can and cannot do.

19:37For instance, King John will have limited power.

19:43Yes, by us.

19:44Hooray!

19:45Limited power!

19:46That's a really oil.

19:46Yes.

19:47Now wait a minute, King.

19:49Quiet!

19:50It's our turn to speak.

19:52Now, King John, that's you, will put more rights into the hands of the people.

19:58That would be us.

20:00Cool.

20:01Finally, equal rights for everyone.

20:04It's too much freedom to give to everyone.

20:07I've got an idea.

20:09We won't put more rights into the hands of all the people.

20:13Just our hands.

20:14Then again, maybe not.

20:19And no more throwing people in jail for no reason.

20:24People can tell their sides of the stories in front of a judge.

20:28And instead of King John deciding the outcome, a person's peers will decide.

20:34Well, here it is.

20:35The Big Charter.

20:36We can't call it the Big Charter.

20:41That sounds rather silly.

20:43Got any better ideas?

20:45Latin.

20:46Everything sounds smarter in Latin.

20:50I wonder how you could say the Big Charter in Latin.

20:55Magna Carta.

20:56I bet he's gonna say Magna Carta.

20:58It was on me timeline at school.

21:00I've got it.

21:02Rex Regis Nutrio.

21:05Er, no.

21:07The Magna, er, Carta.

21:10The Magna Carta.

21:11The Magna Carta.

21:13I won't sign it.

21:15I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't.

21:18Well, then, your highness, if you don't sign, we the barons will organise our own government.

21:28You couldn't organise a tea party.

21:31Yes, that's true, but we can organise an execution!

21:37In that case, I take guess.

21:41No, not really, I'll sign.

21:50Amazing!

21:51The Magna Carta was really the basis of our legal rights and freedom.

21:54And it protected the people from unjust taxes.

21:57Like the one on porty hats.

22:01And especially the tax on soap bars.

22:03You know, I'm tired of living like this.

22:09Been there, done it.

22:11Wait a second.

22:12What happened to all those important rights of yours?

22:15I thought you liked living in a squalor.

22:17Well, Stitch, sometimes there are rights worth holding out for.

22:20And sometimes, well, you just gotta clean up.

22:23Besides, at least now I can wear my pointy hat.

22:26I hope you, too.

22:27See you next time.

22:29Bye-bye.

22:34Bye-bye.

22:36Bye-bye.

22:38Bye-bye.

22:44Bye-bye.

22:54Bye-bye.

22:55Bye-bye.

22:56The trouble with being a kid today is you grow up too quickly.

23:04There's just not enough time.

23:06Well, for some kids, that is.

23:13Where are we this time?

23:14Horrible Histories.

23:16Wow!

23:18Horrible Histories.

23:21Who would do that?

23:23A smart, hungry caveman.

23:25Good idea.

23:26Have any of you seen a girl about so tall, big, cartoony eyes?

23:30Oh, you gotta go.

23:32You gotta go.

23:33And where's Stitch?

23:34I can't find him anyway.

23:35Wow!

23:37Socrates rocks!

23:39Is that the Spanish Armada?

23:42Horrible Histories.

23:45Horrible Histories.

23:48Horrible Histories.

23:53Well, Mo, what do you think about all this cool old stuff?

23:56We're history!

23:57We're history!

23:58Oh, my God.

24:28Nothing greater than being outdoors, eh, Moe?

24:30Hmm, looks like rain.

24:33No, really, nothing can spoil this.

24:35Well, well, well.

24:38I stand corrected.

24:40How are my two favorite natured neophytes doing?

24:43We were just going to leave before it starts to rain, Dongle.

24:48If you knew anything, you would know a storm is approaching only if the scales on a pine cone are closed.

24:55Pine cones.

24:59Right, Darren.

25:14Stitch, stop scaring the fish.

25:17Oh, you think that's why it jumped out of the water?

25:24Your ignorance of nature is charming.

25:28A fish jumps out of the water to knock water fleas out of its ear canal.

25:35Water fleas.

25:36Yeah, right, Darren.

25:37Man, it's got to be over a gazillion degrees out here.

25:48Actually, I'd say it's closer to a balmy 75 degrees Fahrenheit.

25:55And if one were to recalibrate his cells, yes.

25:58Darren, can't you hike off somewhere by yourself?

26:01Oh, I guess that we didn't know we could easily calculate air temperature by listening to the chirps of a cricket.

26:08First, it's closed pine cones and then fish fleas.

26:11Now you're talking cricket climate control.

26:14That is totally unbelievable.

26:17Ah, the world must be so simple to simple minds.

26:21Oh, I'd like to close his pine cones.

26:29Hold on now.

26:30Just because something sounds unbelievable doesn't mean it can't be true.

26:34Right.

26:35Unbelievable is unbelievable.

26:37Ah, ah, ah.

26:38Narrator knows best.

26:42Ah!

26:43Ah!

26:45Ah!

26:46Ah!

26:47Ah!

26:48Ah!

26:49Ah!

26:50Ah!

26:51Ah!

26:53Gongs!

26:54Make any entrance a memorable one.

26:56Get your gongs here.

27:04Okay, where have you dropped us now?

27:07Welcome to the Mongolian Empire.

27:10It's around 1292 when Buddhism is the state religion,

27:13paper money is the local currency,

27:15and Kubla Khan rules the largest single land empire in world history.

27:20Does that mean if anybody can, Kublai Khan can?

27:25Stitch, you're not going to believe this. Look!

27:28That must be King Khan right there.

27:31Not king, emperor.

27:33Yeah, who else would have so many servants?

27:38What is the meaning of this?

27:40On free, we run for it. One, two...

27:44Buongiorno!

27:48That's Italian!

27:49Ti parla italiano molto buono.

27:52Wait, wait! Why is everyone suddenly speaking Italian?

27:56I thought we were in Mongolia!

27:58You are, but he doesn't come from here.

28:01Capiscio perfettamente.

28:03Stitch, stop it!

28:05Sorry.

28:06Fellow travelers, welcome!

28:08I am Marco Polo from Venice.

28:10I am a merchant and honorable employee of the Khan.

28:14And you two are?

28:15I am Mo, inquisitive mind and explorer.

28:20I am Stitch.

28:21I like to think of myself as a pretty good dancer.

28:24It is most rare to meet such impressive travelers as myself.

28:27Come, you must meet the Khan.

28:29He would be honored to make your acquaintances.

28:31Yeah, perhaps they are who I have been searching for all of this time.

28:36Yes, maybe so.

28:37Beg your pardon?

28:38Searching?

28:39Oh, it is merely a fleeting fantasy of mine.

28:42Think nothing more of it.

28:44I have just returned from Ceylon on the quest to recover a priceless treasure for the Khan.

28:50What are we talking about here?

28:52Chest of pearls and diamonds?

28:53Gold bars or elf shoes with little bells on them?

28:56Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

28:57No, no, no.

28:58Not even close.

29:00Gross.

29:01A bicuspid.

29:02Come on.

29:04That too's a priceless treasure?

29:06Oh, si, si, si.

29:09The great Khan humbly requested I bring him a great religious artifact.

29:13After exercising great diplomacy, I managed to acquire the artifact for but a mere pittance.

29:23A man's weight in the treasure.

29:27Ha ha, yeah, right.

29:29A man's weight in treasure.

29:31Come on, Marco.

29:32We weren't born yesterday.

29:34Technically, Stitch, we weren't born for another 700 years.

29:38Legend says the tooth belonged to Buddha.

29:41Ugh, and I'd bet Legend says he didn't brush after every meal.

29:45Ah, it's a half past four.

29:47We mustn't keep the Khan waiting.

29:49Can you believe this guy?

29:51Yeah, like he can tell time that easily from the sun.

29:54Come, be my guests and see the radiance from Khan's face when I present the tooth.

30:00Ha, this I've got to see.

30:02I'm with you, Mo.

30:03Would you just look at the size of this place?

30:18Forget everything I've ever said about being a rodeo clown.

30:20I'm going to be a Khan when I grow up.

30:23Oh, si, it is one of many wondrous things in Mongolia.

30:27Ah, but it is not as wonderful as what awaits me back in Venice.

30:32What's that?

30:33Something as unbelievable as a gazillion pound tooth?

30:36No.

30:36For me, something far more precious.

30:40Animal, mineral, or vegetable?

30:42But I digress.

30:43I was talking about the wonders of Mongolia.

30:46A place of many wonders.

30:49No fooling now.

30:50What kind of wonders?

30:52No, Mo.

30:53How about you tell me?

30:54Which of the following items were invented in Mongolia over 700 years ago?

31:01A, eyeglasses for better seeing.

31:04B, the seismograph for calculating the strength of earthquakes.

31:12C, fireworks and gunpowder.

31:15Or D, all of the above.

31:20None of them.

31:21Wrong again.

31:22The answer is D, all of them.

31:25You're not any more believable than Dongle was about his pine cones.

31:29No, really.

31:30Eyeglasses, seismographs, fireworks and gunpowder were all invented in Mongolia in the 13th century.

31:37No, I'm sure that Benjamin Franklin invented glasses in the 1700s.

31:41Sorry, you're 500 years off.

31:44But weren't seismographs invented out in California where all the earthquakes are?

31:48There you go again.

31:50There you go again.

31:50You're off by 700 years.

31:51Don't be so quick to disbelieve everything you hear.

31:56Whoa, whoa.

31:58I think we're going to need that side of the ground.

32:01Whoa, whoa.

32:07Anyone catch the license plate of that horse?

32:09Yeah, we were almost road pizza.

32:13Oh, Moe, why did you go and say the P word?

32:18That was one of the Khan's mounted carriers.

32:21He's probably delivering a message to one of the Khan's 47 sons somewhere in the outskirts of the Empire.

32:2747 sons, right.

32:31When does this guy quit?

32:37I must warn you before we enter.

32:40Don't make any sudden moves.

32:42You mean like this, Marco?

32:44Hold on.

32:46The Khan is heavily guarded by 12,000 guards at all times.

32:52Will you stop it?

32:5412,000 bodyguards.

32:5512,000.

32:57Not possible.

33:02Moe, do you see what I see?

33:05I can't believe it either.

33:07He's got exactly 12,000 bodyguards.

33:10No, I'm talking about the food-o-rama.

33:14Marco, you have returned.

33:17Please come and tell me of your adventure.

33:19And who have you brought with you back from Ceylon?

33:28Actually, they are fellow travelers.

33:30A snitch and a moe.

33:32I welcome all diplomats and explorers to my kingdom with outstretched arms.

33:38You are welcome to Kain Balik.

33:40My palace is your palace.

33:44Thanks.

33:44Is this a buffet or did we give someone our food?

33:48Great Khan.

33:48I have returned with that which you most cherished in all the world.

33:53I can't believe for a minute that a guy this wealthy is going to break into a sweat over a measly...

33:59The tooth!

34:02Okay, I give in.

34:03I'm a believer.

34:04Oh, Marco, what would I do without you?

34:08Ah, I am no one special, Khan.

34:12Stitch and Moe could easily take my place so that I, the one who has served you for over 25 years, could return to Venice.

34:20Take his place?

34:21I don't believe it!

34:23They would make fine replacements for me.

34:26Replacements?

34:27Moe, I must have a few fish fleas still stuck in my ears.

34:31You need only to ask them to stay, most magnificent Khan.

34:36Wow!

34:36We can't stay here.

34:38We've got places to go, people to see, homework not to do.

34:42Stop all this tongue-wagging.

34:45The Khan has decided.

34:47I will not grant your request, Marco.

34:50And I want to hear no more of it.

34:53As for your strange traveling companions,

34:55I forbid you to leave.

34:58You will stay and work as productive members of my empire.

35:03But, I thought you would let me return home.

35:06Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha

35:36welfare as I am Stitch. Just what did the Khan mean that we had to be productive members

35:44of society? The Khan always needs more couriers. The Khan had a huge empire and needed a way

35:53to communicate with his subjects, so he created a system of mounted couriers much like the

35:59Pony Express in 19th century America. Riders could cover between 40 and 100 miles a day,

36:10depending on terrain. And the courier system wasn't the only way the Khan kept his empire

36:18together. Unbelievable as it may sound, he had 47 sons and each of them was a governor

36:24of a different province. The Khan's control over his empire meant that the trade routes

36:29were more secure, paving the way for traders and explorers like Marco Polo.

36:35Get ready, Stitch! Here comes the mail!

36:43Oh, my! Deliver these to Khan immediately!

36:49Beat ya!

36:50No, you won't!

36:51Woo-woo-woo! Giddy-up, boys!

36:56Yee-haw! Woo-woo-woo-woo! Giddy-up!

37:06Oh, my friends! So glad to see your new jobs are working out for you both!

37:11Yeah, pretty unbelievable, isn't it? Are these for the Khan?

37:16Yeah, and you might say they were sent by airmail.

37:20Oh, splendid! The Khan must know how marvelous a job you're both doing. Maybe then I'll be allowed to go home.

37:27Mail call your Khan, miss!

37:42Well, look! Excellent, Marco! Bring it forth!

37:45Stitch! He just wiped his face with his shoes!

37:49Guess they haven't invented etiquette yet.

37:51Actually, Mongols' shoes were made of cloth, and the grease from their food helped keep them soft and comfortable.

37:58Hmm, Khan Junior number 42 means more money. Let's just pretend I never got that one.

38:06Oh, good news! The Princess Kukakin is to be married in Persia! Wonderful!

38:13But she will need an escort. Who can I trust with such an important task?

38:20I shall accompany her on my way back to Venice, and I can leave immediately!

38:26Oh, but only with your kindest permission. Of course you have young Stitch and young Moe to help you in my absence.

38:35Marco! For once, I agree with you! I will be sad to see you go, my friend.

38:44Oh, thank you, Great Khan! Thank you, thank you!

38:48Terrific! Marco gets to go home and we're stuck here. I don't believe it.

38:52Believe it!

38:53And the first Stitch and Moe want to accompany you and the Princess. They have my permission.

39:00Truth be told, they make our lousy couriers.

39:10Shouldn't we be moving a tad faster?

39:13We only sail when the wind is right. Here in Mongolia, they tie someone to a larger kite, then send it into the air.

39:21If the kite stays aloft, the wind is strong enough and we'll leave.

39:25Oh, right. Like that's something I'd believe.

39:29Better believe it, Moe. It's a documented fact.

39:39Farewell, Mongolia!

39:41This is exciting, Moe. I've always wanted to go on a cruise.

39:44Yeah. I wonder how long it'd take us to get to Venice?

39:47Funny you should ask. Let me fill you in.

39:50As guests of Marco Polo, you'll sail with the Princess Kokachin all the way to Venice by way of the Indian Ocean and the Persian Gulf.

40:00Along the way, you'll encounter all the wonders a 13th century cruise can offer.

40:04Sea Storm. Unbearable heat. Cannibals!

40:12And there is one itsy-bitsy detail I was saving until last.

40:15Pirates of the fourth barrel!

40:18Oops, he gave it away.

40:21Cruising with Marco Polo and it only takes three years.

40:29Are we there yet?

40:31Are we there yet?

40:33Are we there yet?

40:35Are we there yet?

40:37Oh, I am so happy! We are in Venice!

40:42Well, is it not the most beautiful thing you have ever seen?

40:52You wanted to stick us with the car and all for this?

40:55Oh, a thousand pardons, my friends.

40:58But there is nothing as wondrous in all the world as one's own domestical.

41:03Home!

41:04You know, Stitch, I'm getting a little homesick, too.

41:12And look! I cannot believe my eyes!

41:15A welcoming party has come to greet us!

41:17Buongiorno!

41:19And just who, exactly, are you?

41:22It is I, Marco Polo. I have returned from the Orient.

41:30Marco Polo left decades ago. He must be long since dead.

41:34No, no, no, no, no! I am Marco Polo! Just ask them!

41:39Why? I don't know them either.

41:41Look, I have been in the service of the great Kubla Khan himself.

41:45Traveled the world and seen things beyond your wildest dreams!

41:49He's right!

41:51You gotta believe him.

41:52I don't know them.

41:53I don't know them.

41:55Forgive me, but from the looks of things, I'd say you are just beggars with a poor sense of fashion.

42:01Okay, hold it right there. Marco's telling the truth, plain and simple.

42:06Yeah, we saw everything ourselves. You can't imagine the amazing things we've seen in the Orient.

42:10People on kites, paper money, twelve thousand bodyguards, and a guy using his shoes as napkins.

42:18The Khan's palace.

42:20Stitch speaking Italian.

42:22Stop all this foolishness. You really expect us to believe in that?

42:27Isn't this where we came in on all this Stitch?

42:29I was thinking the same thing, Moe.

42:32Hear me! I, Marco Polo, will make you believe!

42:37I sewed these jewels into my clothes in case we were attacked by pirates!

42:42Which, of course, we were.

42:46This guy really knows how to pack for a trip.

42:52Believe it, people! Believe it!

42:55Welcome home, Marco Polo!

42:59Finally! A happy ending!

43:01Far from it, Stitch!

43:02Marco Polo was tossed into prison, and it was the best thing that ever happened to him.

43:08You're messing with us, right?

43:09Yeah, I'm back to not believing.

43:12I see you two haven't quite learned your lesson yet.

43:15One last time then, okay?

43:20After exercising, great diploma!

43:22Shortly after returning to Venice, Polo went into battle against the neighbouring Genoans.

43:25He was captured and thrown into prison, where he told about his travels in the Orient to a fellow prisoner.

43:34He published a book called The Travels of Marco Polo, in which he told wondrous stories about the places he had visited.

43:40Like the city of Balachan, which was so cold...

43:45Yeah, how cold was it?

43:47So cold that no birds can live there.

43:51We believe you!

43:52His book became the most popular travel book in history, and created interest in the Orient.

43:58And that led to Columbus embarking on his expedition and discovering America.

44:03But that's another story.

44:06It's just like Dongle's pinecones, fish ears, and crickets.

44:11We know, we know.

44:12Some of the most unbelievable sounding things...

44:15...are sometimes true.

44:17Maybe someday you two will write your own book.

44:19So, if you just count the number of cricket chirps in a fifteen-second period...

44:30...and add thirty-seven to the total...

44:34Thirty-six chirps plus thirty-seven is...

44:37...seventy-three degrees Fahrenheit.

44:39Let's just see if I'm right, even though we all know I am.

44:42Well, well, well. Seventy-four degrees. Close enough. And you two didn't believe me.

44:49You're right, Darren.

44:51What?

44:53Yeah, we believe you now. Have fun with your crickets.

44:56Stop! You're agreeing with me, and that makes me feel... itchy.

45:02And thanks for the pinecone forecast. You really can tell if a storm is coming if the scale's closed.

45:09Want to share an umbrella, Darren?

45:12If you want to share with me, I don't believe you.

45:16Okay. Don't believe it.

45:26I'm a dirty!

45:42You.

45:44You.

45:46You.

45:50You.

45:52You.

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