- 3 months ago
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Hey Daddy, I'm gonna ask you a question and you better not say the n-word.
00:04What? Daddy, there's this new toy I want and it costs $500 and I want you to buy it for me.
00:10No! See Daddy, there you go, screaming the n-word like it's nothing.
00:15Jeffy, I'm not gonna spend $500 on a toy.
00:17Well Daddy, you haven't even seen the commercial yet. See, look, watch.
00:24Moving. Robot.
00:29Bang.
00:32Moving Robot Bang.
00:34Go buy the hottest toy of the year for $500 or you're a little wimpy king.
00:40See Daddy, isn't that the coolest toy you've ever seen? It's pee-pee.
00:44Jeffy, yes, it's a really cool toy but I'm not gonna spend $500 on that toy, Jeffy.
00:48Why Daddy? I really want the toy!
00:50Jeffy, look, look, look, you already have a bunch of toys.
00:52Look, if you want that toy, why don't you have a yard sale and sell all your old toys
00:55and using the money from your old toys, use it to buy the new one.
00:58What's wrong? Why are you crying, Jeffy?
01:02You said I needed to sell all my toys!
01:05Well, no, I didn't say you had to sell them.
01:07Yes, you did, Daddy! You said, Jeffy, go get all your toys and sell them right now!
01:12You're a bad kid and you don't deserve toys!
01:14Oh, no, I didn't say that, Jeffy! I said sell all your old toys so you can use the money to buy a new toy!
01:19Jeffy, stop you, baby!
01:21You're being ridiculous, Jeffy!
01:23Jeffy, Jeffy, Jeffy, look, look, look, Jeffy, look, you'll make a lot of money selling your old toys
01:27because there's a lot of kids who would like those toys, so just sell them!
01:30Fine, Daddy, but when I become a millionaire, don't you come asking for money!
01:36Yard sale! I need to make money because my Daddy hates me and he's making me live on the street!
01:44Ooh, a yard sale! I do love a good deal!
01:46Hello, sir! Welcome to the Jeffy shop! If you have any questions, just let me know!
01:51Wait, is that $15 per crayon?
01:53Yep, sure is! These babies come in all different colors, red, blue, green, you name it!
01:57But it's a box of 120 crayons!
01:59I'll tell you what, if you buy right now, I'll sell you the whole box of crayons for a thousand bucks!
02:04No, I'm not spending a thousand dollars on crayons!
02:07What is this? $25 per cup of Play-Doh?
02:10Yeah, but that's because this Play-Doh is dried out!
02:13If you want the good stuff, $50 per cup down there, that's only slightly dried out!
02:17These prices are ridiculous! No one's going to pay $50 for a cup of Play-Doh!
02:21All of these prices are way too expensive! Just look at Mr. Potato Head over there!
02:25He's $150, and his tongue is $30!
02:27Well, that's because his tongue game is strong! Just ask Mrs. Potato Head!
02:31There's a reason they've been married for 50 years!
02:33And what about Patrick? He's $75!
02:35Look, the look on his face says that he knows how expensive he is!
02:38Well, that was the look on my face when you declined my $1,000 offer!
02:42Huh, this lightsaber's pretty cool, though.
02:44Yep, that's a hundred bucks.
02:45Yeah, I'm not paying a hundred bucks for a plastic lightsaber.
02:47Whose toothbrush is this?
02:49Oh, that's mine. It's only slightly used.
02:51Ew! I'm not buying any of the-
02:53Wait, wait a minute. Is that Lego Darth Maul?
02:56Yep, a hundred bucks.
02:57Oh my god, I really, really want that.
02:59Um, will you take $5 for him?
03:02No.
03:03Come on. Well, I was really hoping you'd go down to $5.
03:07Well, why don't you hope in one hand and poop in the other and see which one fills up faster?
03:11Well, what can I get for $5?
03:13Um, well, I can take one of these crayons and break it into three pieces and give you one into pieces.
03:18Yeah, yeah, that. I want that.
03:20Alright, what color do you want?
03:21Uh, blue.
03:22Alright.
03:23Alright, pick which piece you want, sir.
03:24But they're all different sizes.
03:25Alright, well, then pick the smallest piece if you're gonna complain about it.
03:28Alright, fine. I guess I'll just take the drawing part.
03:30Alright, thank you for your business, sir. Come back soon.
03:32Oh yeah, I'm gonna come back.
03:34Hey, Jeffy, how's the yard sale going?
03:35Great, Daddy. My sales are up and my syndrome is down.
03:38Jeffy, look at these prices. They're ridiculous.
03:40What? These are my toys, Daddy. I didn't want to sell them, so I just marked them at a price I'd be willing to let them go for.
03:46Jeffy, no one's gonna pay these prices.
03:48Watch this in my hand, Daddy. This didn't grow on trees.
03:51Well, Jeffy, okay, there's nothing here for five dollars. What'd they buy?
03:54Well, they bought one-third of a crayon, Daddy.
03:56Well, you found a sucker then, Jeffy. Look, no one's gonna pay these prices.
03:59And look, if you don't want to sell these toys, then sell stuff that you don't care about.
04:02Oh, okay, Daddy. Then I'll sell stuff I don't care about.
04:05Yeah, do that. Sell stuff you don't care about and sell it at a cheap price. A cheap price to make quick money.
04:09Alright, Daddy.
04:11Daddy! What is up D-A-double-D-Y?
04:15Well, Jeffy, where'd you get all this money from?
04:17Daddy, I've been getting cash and taking names, but I'm not taking names because I'm too busy getting cash.
04:22Well, Jeffy, no seriously, where'd you get all this money from?
04:24Daddy, ask me if I'm poor.
04:26Are you poor?
04:27Straight inward, Daddy. I'm talking no. Look at all this pape.
04:30What, pape?
04:31Yeah, I'm talking paper, like pee-pee, but with cash, Daddy.
04:36Well, no, Jeffy, seriously, how'd you get all this money? There's no way people paid that much money for toys.
04:40What? I sold all this stuff I didn't want, Daddy.
04:42What'd you sell?
04:43Everything in the house.
04:44What?
04:45Yeah, come take a look at these sales, Daddy.
04:47What?
04:48See, Daddy, look at all these sales.
04:50Jeffy, I don't see any of your toys missing. What'd you sell?
04:52I sold the couch.
04:53What the couch?
04:54Jeffy! What happened to my couch?
04:55I sold it for five bucks.
04:57Five bucks?
04:58Yeah, Daddy. And this one's for sale, too, if you want to buy it.
05:00Jeffy, you cannot sell our furniture. Five bucks is way too cheap for a couch.
05:03Oh, and this table is $3, $4 for these chairs.
05:06Jeffy, you cannot sell our furniture. Is that a cloud?
05:09Oh, yeah, Daddy. He bought the couch.
05:11Give me my couch back.
05:12No.
05:13Give it back.
05:14No, Daddy. He already bought the couch. It's his couch now.
05:17Jeffy, you cannot sell our stuff.
05:19Hey, I found this iron in a closet. How much do you want for it?
05:22Um, two bucks.
05:23Oh, okay.
05:24All right, thank you.
05:25That's my iron.
05:26No, it's not. That's her iron now, Daddy.
05:28Jeffy, you're supposed to sell your toys, not my stuff.
05:31Well, Daddy, you told me to sell the stuff I don't care about.
05:34And I didn't care about the couch.
05:36Um, I found this razor. How much do you want for it?
05:39Um, five bucks.
05:40Oh, okay. Here you go.
05:42All right.
05:43That's my razor, Jeffy. She can't keep buying my stuff.
05:46Get all these people out of my house.
05:47No, Daddy. It's the sales. We're trying to make sales, Daddy.
05:51Hey, I need some help. Help me.
05:53Oh, hold on, Daddy. A customer needs me. I'll be right back.
05:55What?
05:56What's the problem, sir?
05:57Oh, yeah. I was wondering. Is it $4 for each knife or for the whole set?
06:01Oh, it's for the whole set.
06:02Oh, okay. Cool, cool.
06:03Jeffy, why is a used roll of paper towels more expensive than our couch?
06:07Supply and demand, Daddy. People need those paper towels.
06:10It's kind of like Bitcoin. Get in while it's hot.
06:12Jeffy, you're selling everything way too cheap.
06:14The toast oven, $5. The blender, $2. The stove, $10. The microwave, $3.
06:18Jeffy, why are you selling this drawer for $2? Nobody's going to buy a drawer.
06:21I just sold one for $2.
06:23What?
06:24Tyrone, look. I bought a drawer for $2.
06:26Oh, baby. That's a snatch.
06:28It's my drawer. Give it back.
06:29Now I paid for this. Get your own drawer.
06:31I don't know. It is mine.
06:32Hey, boss man. Boss man.
06:33Yeah, what's up?
06:34I think I'm going to get these knives right here and I'm going to get this toaster oven, too.
06:37Okay, that'll be $9.
06:39Oh, come down to $8.
06:41Okay, sold.
06:42All right, bet. That's the Jewish negotiation. Come on, baby. Get this toaster.
06:46Jeffy, you can't just keep selling my stuff.
06:48Hold on, Daddy. Another customer's calling.
06:50What?
06:52Hey!
06:53Hey!
06:54Hey!
06:55Hey!
06:56Get out of here, you scram! Go!
06:57Hey, Daddy, don't talk to my customers like that.
07:00How may I help you, sir?
07:02Oh, yeah. How much are these cheese balls?
07:05Um, two bucks.
07:07No, no.
07:09Can I get a free sample?
07:11Sure.
07:12Jeffy, Jeffy, no. He's a homeless guy. He doesn't want a free sample. He's just going to steal it.
07:15Daddy, we do not discriminate.
07:17You can have a free sample, sir.
07:19Yeah, I'm free.
07:21He's just going to eat all of them, Jeffy.
07:23Oh, Daddy, hold on. I think they're showing at the table.
07:27All right, what are you interested in, sir?
07:29Well, I saved up a whole bunch of my tooth fairy money, and now I want to buy a cool toy.
07:34Oh, you want to buy a toy?
07:36Yeah!
07:37Yeah, Jeffy, sell them one of your toys.
07:39Okay. Um, which toy do you want?
07:42I don't know. There's so many.
07:43Oh, my God! Is that a Batman? And a lightsaber?
07:47It's a Power Ranger toy! I don't know. There's just so many toys!
07:51Well, we got scissors.
07:53Scissors? My mommy doesn't let me play with scissors.
07:57Who knows?
07:58Well, 200 bucks and it's yours.
08:00Okay, you got a deal.
08:02I'm going to run down the stairs with ease!
08:06That sucks having to sell your toys, doesn't it, Jeffy?
08:08Well, he bought the scissors, so I don't really care about those.
08:13Jeffy, stop selling my stuff!
08:15Daddy, stop yelling in front of my customers!
08:17Jeffy, can I speak to you upstairs, then?
08:20Fine, Daddy.
08:22Come on, let's go.
08:23All right, Jeffy, here's the deal.
08:25Hold on, Daddy. Let me stop you right there.
08:27The deals are downstairs making us all this cash.
08:30Jeffy, the only reason why you're selling stuff is because you're selling it extremely cheap.
08:34It's like they're stealing it.
08:35No, Daddy. They're buying it because I'm a good salesman.
08:37Wait, I didn't know y'all had an upstairs area.
08:39Uh, what is toilet paper going for?
08:41Um, four bucks.
08:42Oh, um, I got two dollars.
08:44I want my butt with two bucks. How about three dollars?
08:46Okay, okay, all right.
08:48Jeffy, look, here's what's going to happen.
08:50You either get me all my stuff back or I'll put you out for adoption.
08:53Daddy, why are you hating on your paper chasing?
08:56Wait, wait, wait, what's this boombox going for? What it do?
08:58It plays music and it's not for sale.
09:00Um, six bucks.
09:01Six bucks? Six bucks?
09:02Oh, this is my boombox.
09:03That's my boombox, Jeffy.
09:04You're selling all my stuff.
09:06Get all my stuff back by the end of tonight or I'm putting you out for adoption and never seeing you again.
09:10Well, no, Jeffy.
09:11Whose cell phone is sealed, though?
09:12That's my cell phone.
09:13What is it going for, boss, man?
09:15Uh, ten bucks.
09:16Ten bucks? This is an iPhone. I like that.
09:18You cannot sell my iPhone.
09:19Jeffy, get all my stuff back right now.
09:22No, gang. I'm selling it. We're making cash.
09:24Wait, wait, I found these hot dogs in the refrigerator.
09:26Yeah, because it's my food and you're just taking stuff out of my refrigerator.
09:29You ain't going to eat it. What is going for, boss, man?
09:31Six bucks.
09:32Six, six dollars? That's kind of expensive, but I can do that.
09:35Wait, wait, wait, wait. You going to sell this remote?
09:37No, Jeffy.
09:38We need this remote to watch TV.
09:40You got it. Wait, I'm going to eat this remote.
09:42Eat it.
09:43Yeah, yeah.
09:44Jeffy, you know what? I'm going to show you how you like it, okay?
09:46I'm going to show you how you like it.
09:47Ooh, I'm going to teach Jeffy a lesson.
09:49Everybody in the house, all these toys are now a dollar.
09:52All these toys are a dollar? That's a steal.
09:53He told me to poop in my hand and I did it, but now I get Darth Maul.
09:56I'm going to get a lot of kids with these toys.
09:59Yeah, yeah, buy it. Everything's a dollar.
10:02You see this, Jeffy? You see it? They're buying it.
10:05Oh, that's how he wants to plan.
10:07Excuse me, everybody in the house, everything is now a dollar.
10:12Everything's a dollar. Grab everything!
10:14No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
10:15You crazy?
10:16Jeffy!
10:17Well, Jeffy, we sold the house for a dollar.
10:19How's that feel?
10:20Well, Daddy, at least I still got my toy.
10:22What?
10:23Jeffy, that stupid toy is not worth selling the house and everything in it.
10:26It's a stupid toy, Jeffy.
10:27But, Daddy, it can shoot balls.
10:29It can't shoot balls.
10:30Jeffy, we sold the house for a dollar for that stupid toy.
10:38Well, Daddy, you shouldn't have never said the N word.
10:40What did you just say? Sold. You can't sell this house.
10:44Well, why not?
10:45Because you still owe me money on it.
10:47You cannot sell a house that you still owe money on.
10:50Oh, well, see, my son, Jeffy, he wanted this toy,
10:53so he sold everything in the house and we were just selling everything,
10:56so we got out of hand, you know?
10:58This toy?
10:59Yeah, that toy.
11:00This toy belongs to y'all?
11:01Well, yeah, we used the money from the house to buy it.
11:04Oh, not anymore. This is my toy now.
11:07What?
11:08You broke it.
11:10Yeah, because it's my toy.
11:12And who did you sell this house to?
11:14A homeless guy.
11:15Oh, you are so done, Mario. You are so done.
11:19Hello?
11:20You and everyone else in this house?
11:23Get out.
11:24But we bought this house for a dollar.
11:26I don't care if this house was given to you for free.
11:29You're going to get out of my house.
11:31You like that?
11:33Mario, if you ever try to sell your house again,
11:36you're getting a spanking.
11:37Now, where's your son at?
11:39Because he needs a spanking.
11:40Uh, uh, uh...
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