- 7 weeks ago
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😹
FunTranscript
00:00Jeffy, it's time to go to school! Jeffy, get in here, you're late!
00:04Alright, Daddy, I'm ready to go to school!
00:06Jeffy, what are you wearing?
00:08My tomato head!
00:09You're not wearing your tomato head to school, Jeffy!
00:11But, Daddy, I always wear my tomato head to school!
00:14No, you don't! You look ridiculous!
00:16Jeffy, come on, it's time to go to school, you're late!
00:18Hold on, Daddy, I gotta go get my backpack!
00:20Oh, hurry up, Jeffy, you're late!
00:22Alright, Daddy, I'm ready to go to school.
00:24Jeffy, you're not wearing your cheeseburger head either!
00:26But, Daddy, I always wear my cheeseburger head to school!
00:29Jeffy, you look ridiculous!
00:30Stop licking me!
00:31Jeffy, take that out!
00:32Look, it's time to go to school!
00:33Come on!
00:34Alright, class!
00:36Today, we're gonna be reading about poverty!
00:39Poverty is when boy turn to man and girl turn to woman!
00:44That's when your tiny Vienna sausage turn into big hot dog!
00:49And when your taco turn into chalupa!
00:52Poverty is when your balls drop!
00:55So your voice goes from high-peach like,
00:57Oh, I saw Asian, I can't see!
00:59To, oh, I saw Asian, I can't see!
01:02Any questions, class?
01:03Poverty?
01:04I wanna go through poverty!
01:05I want a hot dog!
01:06That makes two of us!
01:08Also, class, when you go through poverty, you get fuzzy hair on your balls!
01:14Like these tennis balls!
01:16And you can also get fuzzy hair on your face!
01:19I wouldn't say mine are fuzzy!
01:21It's more like there's a forest down there!
01:23I wanna grow a beard and look like Santa Claus!
01:25I want a mustache!
01:26Alright, class!
01:27So for tonight's homework, I want you to go home and rook at your balls!
01:31I want you to really rook at them!
01:33I'm talking rook at them!
01:34It could be footballs, basketballs, baseballs, ping pong balls, any balls you have!
01:39I want you to rook at them!
01:40He, can do!
01:42Uh, Junior, I'm gonna need you to come over and help me with my homework tonight!
01:46Okay!
01:47Alright, let's go!
01:48Like, like, like right now!
01:49Okay!
01:50Okay, Junior, let's get started on this homework!
01:52Cody, when are we gonna hit poverty?
01:54Well, Junior, we're only 11.
01:55We're not gonna hit poverty for another year or two!
01:57But, Cody, I wanna hit poverty now!
01:59I want a big mustache!
02:00Huh, well, it's funny you should say that, cause I've actually been working on something!
02:03What is that, Cody?
02:04This is a machine that shoots contained uncontrollable manliness!
02:08It's an acronym!
02:09But, what's contained uncontrollable manliness?
02:11Well, it's stuff that makes you into a man!
02:13Gives you a mustache and a deep voice and everything!
02:15Oh, I wanna be a man!
02:16Okay, shoot me with it!
02:17Uh, well, I haven't actually tested it yet, so I don't know what'll happen!
02:20What, so we need someone to test it on?
02:21Yeah!
02:22Who are we gonna test it on?
02:23Hey, guys!
02:24What are you doing?
02:25We should test it on Jeffy!
02:26Okay, just ask for his consent first!
02:28Hey, Jeffy, can we shoot you with some contained uncontrollable manliness?
02:31Sure!
02:32Alright, Cody, do it!
02:33Test it on him!
02:34Alright, stand back!
02:35Did it work?
02:39It worked!
02:40Jeffy, look at your big manly mustache!
02:42Huh?
02:43I have a mustache?
02:45I am a man!
02:46A big strong man!
02:48Oh, Cody, do me next!
02:49Do me next!
02:50Uh-oh, Junior!
02:51I'm all out of contained uncontrollable manliness!
02:54I blew my whole load!
02:55What, you ran out?
02:56Yeah!
02:57Well, get some more, because I wanna be a man!
02:59Well, we're just gonna have to find some more, Junior!
03:00Okay, let's go find some more!
03:01I wanna be a man like Jeffy!
03:03How was school today, Jeffy?
03:05It was great, Daddy!
03:07Jeffy, what happened to you?
03:08Oh, you must be talking about my mustache!
03:11It's gorgeous, isn't it?
03:13Yes, it's gorgeous, but I'm talking about your voice, too!
03:15It's super deep!
03:16What happened?
03:17It's called puberty, Daddy!
03:18Jeffy, there's no way you hit puberty today!
03:19You were fine this morning!
03:20Well then, check my diaper!
03:23I got big balls!
03:24I'm talking big!
03:26Well, Jeffy, you don't look right!
03:28I'm gonna call a doctor to see what's going on with you!
03:31Hey there, somebody call a doctor?
03:32Yes, I did, Doctor!
03:33There's something wrong with my son!
03:34There is?
03:35He looks fine to me!
03:36Of course, I'm legally blind in my left eye, so all I can see is that way!
03:39Well, my son has a huge mustache!
03:41He does?
03:42Hold on.
03:43Oh my god, that's a beautiful mustache!
03:44I wish I could grow a mustache like that!
03:46This is as long as my mustache gets and I can't grow a beard, so I'm just kind of stuck
03:49like this!
03:50Well, my son grew a mustache out of nowhere!
03:51He didn't have it this morning!
03:52And also, his voice sounds really weird, like it's really deep!
03:55Show him, Jeffy!
03:56Hello, Doctor!
04:01Oh, my god!
04:03That was beautiful!
04:04He was the voice of an angel!
04:05But why do you think he sounds like that?
04:06He usually sounds like this!
04:07Hey, Daddy, what's going on?
04:09Wow, that's a really good Jeffy impression!
04:11Yeah, I'm around Jeffy all the time, so I can do a good impression, but usually his voice
04:14is not that deep!
04:15What happened?
04:16Well, there is a thing called Puppity that kids his age usually go through, and it does cause
04:19your voice to get deeper and you grow hair on your face, so that's probably what's happening!
04:23It's perfectly natural!
04:24Okay, so this is just Jeffy's new voice now?
04:26Yeah, and that's his new rocket mustache, too!
04:28Alright, Jeffy, I guess there's nothing to worry about then!
04:30Uh, hey, do you mind if I just stay here and watch TV on your couch, right now?
04:35I-I-I-I guess...
04:36Okay, cool!
04:37Let's watch the news!
04:42Breaking news, UK!
04:44I, Mr. Goodman, am holding the first annual Sing Me to Sleep competition!
04:49And whoever succeeds in singing Me to Sleep will win one million dollars!
04:54I am holding this competition because I am having trouble sleeping, because my bed is
04:59made of money, and my pillows are made of gold bricks!
05:02I'm gonna enter Jeffy in that competition!
05:03I'm gonna enter that competition!
05:05Oh, you back off, man!
05:06That million dollars is mine!
05:07I need that million dollars more than you do!
05:09Oh, yeah?
05:10What do you need it for?
05:11Well, I wanna pay off my house and all my credit card bills!
05:13Ha!
05:14Credit card bills!
05:15That's cute!
05:16I have a lot of debt up to my ears!
05:17You ever heard of child support?
05:18I owe it!
05:19A lot of it!
05:20There's a warrant out for my arrest in four states for back child support!
05:23I have crippling debt!
05:24If I drop a dollar on the ground and I don't pick it up, I'm bankrupt!
05:27I would literally lick a McDonald's urinal cake for ten dollars!
05:31And I've done it!
05:32My power got shut off yesterday, and I am two months behind on my rent!
05:35So you back off, man!
05:36Well, we really want that million dollars, and Jeffy has an amazing singing voice, so we're
05:39gonna win!
05:40Well, have you ever heard my singing voice?
05:42I know Itsy Bitsy Spider!
05:44The Itsy Bitsy Spider crawled up the...
05:47Is it up?
05:48Is it up or down the water spout?
05:49You know what?
05:50I don't know!
05:51But you're gonna find out when you hear me singing at the competition, and then you're
05:53gonna watch me walk away a millionaire!
05:55Well, we're gonna be a millionaire, and we're gonna walk away with a million dollars!
05:58Isn't that right, Jeffy?
05:59So we're getting ready!
06:00Alright, Jeffy, we have to go with this competition, okay?
06:02Hello and welcome to the first annual Sing Me to Sleep competition!
06:06My name is Mr. Goodman, and our first contestant is Brooklyn T. Guy.
06:10I'm gonna go lie down, and see if you can sing Me to Sleep!
06:14Alright, it's my turn to go on stage.
06:16Watch and learn, peasants!
06:18Me, me, me, me, me!
06:20Uh, hello?
06:21My name is Brooklyn T. Guy, and I'm gonna be singing The Itsy Bitsy Spider.
06:24So prepare to sleep your head off!
06:26The Itsy Bitsy Spider went up the water spout.
06:32Down, down, down, down, down, washed the spider out.
06:37Down, down, down, down, and soaked up all the rain.
06:42And the Itsy Bitsy Spider went up the spout again.
06:46Up, up the spout?
06:48Down the spout.
06:49I...
06:50Are you asleep yet?
06:51That was the most horrible thing I've ever heard.
06:54No one could ever fall asleep to that.
06:56I am so sorry. Can I go again?
06:58Maybe you can try again at the end.
07:01Okay, yes. I need more time to prepare. Thank you.
07:03Wow, that was so good.
07:05Hey! Hey! Hey!
07:07Shh! You don't know me, bro.
07:09Okay? If you knew me, you'd know that wasn't my best.
07:11Alright? I've had a sore throat for like two months.
07:14And I ate a whole bunch of popcorn before I came out, so my voice was all scratchy.
07:17Alright? So I'm gonna go drink some water, and then I'm gonna drink some tea,
07:20and then I'm gonna come back, and I'm gonna try again later.
07:23Alright.
07:24Okay. It's a bunch of excuses.
07:25Alright, Jeffy. Practice your Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.
07:28Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, how I wonder what you are.
07:38Oh, Jeffy. That was really good.
07:40Oh, man. That was beautiful. I gotta stop him.
07:43The next contestant is Black Yoshi.
07:46Alright. My name is Black Yoshi, and the song I'm gonna be singing is The Three Little Pigs.
07:53That is not a song.
07:54Yeah, then watch this. One piggy, two piggy, three piggy, orc. I need a million dollars really, really bad.
08:01You get off my stage.
08:04Man, when do I get my million dollars, though?
08:07You don't!
08:08Man, you green, bo.
08:10Alright. The next contestant is Jeffy. Someone please help me fall asleep.
08:15Alright, Jeffy. It's your turn. Go out there and sing your heart out.
08:18Hey, kid.
08:19Oh, that in my balls!
08:20Why did you hit Jeffy in the nuts?
08:22Because I'm threatened by his talent.
08:23Oh, Jeffy. Get out there and sing. I cannot believe you do that.
08:27Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, how I wonder what you are.
08:35Oh, he sucks.
08:37I just want to hide that good diamond in your star.
08:43Oh, dear God. Please, make it stop.
08:45Stop!
08:48How I wonder what you are.
08:51That was the worst thing I've ever heard.
08:54I think I'm going to sue you for rupturing my eardrums.
08:58You get off my stage. Leave!
09:01Oh, man, Jeffy. I can't believe you lost the competition because your voice messed up.
09:04Hello, darling. I don't know what happened.
09:07And now I sound like me robbed.
09:10Hey, what are you doing here?
09:12I just came to apologize.
09:14What I did was wrong.
09:15And I didn't even win the competition.
09:17So if you would have won, would you still be sorry?
09:19God, no. If I'd won, I'd be in Fiji right now.
09:21You'd never see me again.
09:22But I didn't win, so I'm sorry.
09:24So none of us have a million dollars.
09:26Yeah, it sucks.
09:27And Jeffy's voice sounds really weird.
09:28Look, talk to the doctor, Jeffy.
09:30Hello, doctor.
09:31Oh, well, I can probably fix that. Come here, Jeffy.
09:36Hit me in the balls, daddy.
09:38Jeffy, is your voice sounding good?
09:40Yeah, daddy. I think it sounds fine.
09:42So if you hit him in the nuts, it just changes his voice?
09:44Yeah, looks like it.
09:45So if we hit him again, will his voice get deep?
09:46Well, I don't know. And it really wouldn't matter anyway. The competition's already over.
09:50Oh, well, I guess everything's back to normal. So let's just watch TV.
09:58Breaking news, M.K.
09:59I am holding a one million dollar best mustache competition.
10:04I will be giving away one million dollars to whoever has the best mustache.
10:09Give me that!
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