- 5 weeks ago
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00:00Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, ooo, oom, man, I love playing my collar duties.
00:03Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop.
00:04Alright, Black Ocean, get off the TV. I want to play my Switch.
00:07Oh, okay. I see what's going on here.
00:10You think you can come in here and tell me what to do?
00:13Well, let me tell you something.
00:14My boy, Mapleham Lincoln Navigator, in the 1800s,
00:18signed to answer my pants pronunciation,
00:20so that means I ain't got so listening to you.
00:23The Emancipation Proclamation?
00:24Yeah, don't you spit balls at me. You can't rap.
00:27Black Ocean, I'm not rapping. You said it wrong.
00:28And you've been playing the PlayStation all day. I just want to play the Switch.
00:31Well, I'm offended.
00:32Of course you are.
00:35Black Ocean, there's somebody at the door. Do you want to answer that?
00:37Oh, okay. You still think you can tell me what to do?
00:40Well, let me tell you something, folk.
00:42My man, Martin Rufus King, had a dream.
00:45And that dream was for me to keep playing my game.
00:48Okay, fine. I'll answer it, Black Ocean.
00:50Oh, and I bet you're still mad about The Little Mermaid, too.
00:53What?
00:53Yeah, you think we can't swim.
00:55Well, let me tell you something, folk.
00:56We're taking all the Disney prefences.
00:59See, we got Pocahondrina, okay?
01:02We got Moulantina, and then Frozen T-Swiss.
01:06And then we're taking Laquica and Stitch.
01:09Let's see, there you go.
01:11Uh, hello?
01:13Hello?
01:15I guess there's nobody here.
01:16Goo Goo Gaga!
01:17What?
01:18What?
01:18Goo Goo Goo!
01:20What? A baby?
01:21It looks just like Black Yoshi!
01:24I can't take cares of him no more.
01:29What?
01:30Black Yoshi!
01:34Black Yoshi, what is this?
01:35Uh, a mistake.
01:38Black Yoshi, you didn't tell me you had a kid.
01:39That's not my kid, folk.
01:41Black Yoshi, yes, that is your kid.
01:42It looks just like you.
01:42How?
01:43It has the...
01:44I want to hear you say it.
01:46It has the same...
01:47Mm-hmm.
01:48The same eyes.
01:49Mm-hmm.
01:50Mm-hmm.
01:50Yeah, Black Yoshi, and also there was a note left when it says, I can't take cares of him
01:54no more.
01:54Signed, Boo Kiki.
01:56Man, that was Boo Kiki?
01:57What?
01:58Man, I told her not to be cause me no more.
02:00So it is your kid.
02:01Man, that is not my kid, folk.
02:02I can't have the kid because I had that insect on me, and then I flicked it off, and so I couldn't
02:08have kids after that.
02:09What?
02:10Insect on me?
02:11Yeah, it was a bug.
02:12You mean vasectomy?
02:13Mario, you know I ain't know my planet.
02:16Black Yoshi, you have to take care of your kid.
02:17It's your kid, so you have to take care of it.
02:18You understand that?
02:19Fine, folk.
02:21I guess I'll take care of it.
02:22Come on.
02:23Let me take care of it.
02:29Black Yoshi!
02:30I took care of him.
02:32What?
02:34Black Yoshi, you could have killed him.
02:36Good.
02:36You want me to do it again?
02:37This time I go to the roost.
02:38Black Yoshi, you have a kid.
02:39An actual kid.
02:40You should love him.
02:41I don't care, folk.
02:42I probably got me a thousand other kids out there running around.
02:45A thousand?
02:46Yeah, because I'm allergic to latex.
02:47Black Yoshi, you don't want to love your kid and care for him?
02:50No, because I don't want to pay no child support.
02:53Okay, well, if you don't want to take care of him, then put him up for adoption.
02:55Why can't I just drop him off at a fire station?
02:57You can't do that, Black Yoshi.
02:58I'm hungry.
02:59What?
03:00Hungry?
03:00Black Yoshi, he talked.
03:01Oh, he can talk, folk.
03:02Go to the fire station.
03:04I'll call you an Uber.
03:05Hey, Mario, call him an Uber.
03:06You can't take an Uber.
03:07He's a baby, Black Yoshi.
03:08Why?
03:08I don't want him.
03:09Black Yoshi, I'm going to go downstairs and get him something to eat.
03:11Look, talk to your son.
03:12Maybe you might love him.
03:13Maybe she's going to the fire station.
03:15All right, that should be enough milk to feed him.
03:20All right, let me spill this away.
03:23What?
03:24Black Yoshi!
03:28Black Yoshi, why was your son in the trash?
03:30Uh, because that's where he belongs.
03:32Black Yoshi, he's your son.
03:33You're supposed to love and care for him.
03:34Well, I don't.
03:35I don't like him.
03:37I don't want him.
03:38He ugly.
03:39He don't even look like me.
03:41All I want to do is play the game.
03:42So you don't want to take care of him?
03:44No.
03:44Okay, fine, Black Yoshi.
03:45You don't have to.
03:46All right, good.
03:47Well, maybe this will change your mind, though.
03:50Look what just came in the mail.
03:51My welfare check?
03:53We just got some welfare.
03:55We just got some welfare.
03:57We just got some welfare.
03:58How much is this check?
04:00Let me open it up and see how much I got.
04:03Oh, $1,500?
04:05That's $500 more than I got last month.
04:07Well, Black Yoshi, the reason why they give you more money is because they know you have a kid.
04:10And when the government knows you have a kid and you can't afford it, they give you more money to take care of him.
04:14So what would happen if I had two kids?
04:16They'd give you more money.
04:18What about three kids?
04:19They'd give you more money.
04:20What about four kids?
04:22Black Yoshi, that doesn't matter.
04:23Look, they gave you money to take care of your kid.
04:25So now you have the money to take care of your son.
04:27And that's what you should do.
04:28That money right there, you should use it to spend on your son and take care of him and love him because he's your son.
04:33Your one and only son that you know of.
04:35And you should take care of him and love him and treat him with love and respect.
04:39Well, what about five kids?
04:41Black Yoshi, no.
04:41You only have one kid.
04:42Use that money right there to spend on your kid and take care of him.
04:45Be a good father.
04:46Oh, okay.
04:47I'm going to go catch his shit.
04:50Let me check on Black Yoshi and his son.
04:52What?
04:53Mario, I got some family.
04:56Black Yoshi, where did all these kids come from?
04:59Well, Mario, I went down to the adoption center at the park and I got me some babies.
05:04Black Yoshi, you cannot keep all these kids.
05:08Well, Benjamin Freckle says otherwise.
05:10Man, Black Yoshi needs to keep all these kids so he can keep getting that cash.
05:14Black Yoshi, where did you get all that money?
05:15The gummips.
05:16What?
05:17Yeah, the gummips be paying me $25,000 a month to take care of all these kids.
05:21It's $25,000 a month?
05:23Yeah, you need to go get you some kids.
05:25No, Black Yoshi, because it's wrong and that's fraud.
05:27No, it's not.
05:28It's an investment, folks.
05:30How is it an investment?
05:31Well, you see, these kids are going to grow up one day, then they're going to get jobs,
05:35and then they're going to take care of me.
05:37Like, for example, she's going to be in the WNBA.
05:40Now, granted, she ain't going to make that much, but that's okay, because big boy over
05:44here is going to be in the NFL.
05:45He's going to be in the whole NFL, every team.
05:48And when they get mad, he's just going to eat all the players.
05:50What?
05:50Uh, uh, Black Yoshi, why does he look so mean?
05:53Because he is mean, folks.
05:54That's big boy.
05:55Big boy?
05:56No, big boy.
05:57You got to say it with me, folks.
05:58Big boy.
05:59Big boy?
05:59No, a little bit more.
06:00Big boy.
06:01Big boy.
06:02There you goes out.
06:03Say hi to him.
06:04Hi, big boy.
06:05Yeah, see, there you go.
06:06And one of these white kids over here is going to be president.
06:09President?
06:09Yeah, that's what I said.
06:10And a couple of these kids over here, they're going to work at McDonald's, but that's okay,
06:15though, because it's still incomes.
06:16Well, Black Yoshi, still.
06:17Get rid of them.
06:18Fuck, I can't because I got two attached to them.
06:20I already started naming them.
06:22You did not start naming all these kids.
06:23Yes, I did.
06:24Fuck, like, here go, here go Quaker right here.
06:26Quaker?
06:27Yeah.
06:27And then King Kong Keisha, and then we got Fried Chicken Nisha, and then, oh, Coulondria.
06:32That's one of my favorites.
06:34And then over here, we got Salt and Pepper, and then we got Stone Cold Steve Ashley, and
06:39then right under her, this one right here, that's Parmanginica.
06:43And then over here, we got Salad Dressing Tondra, and then Crutondra.
06:48Oh, and then this one right here is another one of my favorites.
06:51It's Shatana-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Batman, and then here go Moof.
06:56Moof?
06:56Yeah, Moof, like Moof out the way.
06:58Why would you name your daughter Moof?
07:00Well, I was sitting here naming them, and then she was in the way, and I said, Moof, out
07:03the way.
07:04And so, her name, her name, Moof.
07:06What about that one?
07:08Oh, there goes Skaggs.
07:10Skaggs?
07:11Yeah.
07:12Is he even alive?
07:13Man, I don't even know.
07:15He better be alive, though, because if not, he gonna cost me $1,000 a month.
07:20Man, R.I.P. Skaggs.
07:22Black Yoshi, get rid of all these kids.
07:24More than I can.
07:25Damn it.
07:28Breaking news, Mokai.
07:3024 babies have gone missing at a local park.
07:33More on the stories it develops.
07:35What?
07:36Black Yoshi, you kidnapped all these kids?
07:38Uh, more like borrowed.
07:41Black Yoshi, not only did you fraud the girl,
07:42but you kidnapped 25 kids.
07:4524?
07:45Because this one's mine.
07:47Big boy, stop it.
07:48Big boy, you better put your own sister down.
07:50Don't you be treating Burger Kingwa like that.
07:53Well, there goes Burger Kingwa.
07:55Yeah, she was gonna own a WAPA one day.
07:57Black Yoshi, you're gonna go to jail.
07:59No, I'm not.
08:00Now that they ain't know who be done's did it.
08:02Well, they sure gonna find out who be done did's it.
08:04Why?
08:05Because you gonna snitch?
08:06No, Black Yoshi, but when all these kids grow up,
08:07they're gonna want to know who their real father is.
08:09And they ain't looking at them.
08:10I care about all these kids.
08:12Black Yoshi, how are you?
08:12They're gonna feed all these kids.
08:14Oh, I got that covered right here.
08:16Damn.
08:17You cannot put fried chicken in a bottle
08:19and expect them to eat it.
08:20Yes, I can.
08:21Here go, big boy.
08:24Black Yoshi, this is not gonna work out.
08:25This is insane.
08:27Who's at the door?
08:28Mario, if that's the po-po,
08:30you gotta say no, no.
08:31And also, you gotta give me a signal like,
08:33ooh, the big bad wolf is just here.
08:35Okay, fine, Black Yoshi.
08:37If there's the cops,
08:37you better be ready to hide these kids.
08:38All right, folks.
08:39Uh, hello?
08:41The big bad wolf is here!
08:44Okay.
08:44What?
08:45That's a little suspicious.
08:46What suspicious, officer?
08:48Well, when you answered the door, you went,
08:49oh, and then you turned around and yelled what sounded like a code
08:52to somebody who's upstairs who I can only assume is probably a fugitive.
08:55Oh, no, no, you're just overthinking it.
08:58I'm just playing a game with my kid.
09:00Like, the big bad wolf is here!
09:01You know, like that.
09:02Really?
09:03Because in that story, the big bad wolf is the bad guy
09:05and the three little pigs are hiding inside a house
09:08when the big bad wolf shows up.
09:10So you can see how that's a little weird to me.
09:12Yeah, but you're just overthinking it.
09:14You know, you must have a long day.
09:15Yeah, I don't think I'm overthinking it.
09:16You know, because earlier today,
09:1824 kids were kidnapped from a park.
09:21Whoa, that's a lot.
09:22Yeah, that is a lot.
09:24That's a lot of kids to just all go missing at once.
09:26Just one swoop, 24 kids, just gone.
09:29Yeah, yeah, what would make you think they're at my house?
09:32Well, because every time I come here,
09:34something bad is always happening,
09:36and I've literally never been wrong.
09:38Well, I, but this time you are,
09:39because there's not 24 kids in my house.
09:42Right, okay, well, I'm going to come in and search anyway,
09:44because I got probable cause.
09:46Okay, just give me one.
09:48The big bad wolf is coming in!
09:50Yes, he is, and I'm going to off.
09:52And puff, and take somebody to prison.
09:56Okay.
09:58See?
09:59Nothing to see here.
10:01Huh.
10:03I don't know.
10:04Just something feels kind of off about this couch.
10:06Oh, I just got it washed.
10:08That's what it was.
10:09No, no, it's definitely not that.
10:11It kind of stinks, actually.
10:12It smells like a dirty diaper or something.
10:14That's me.
10:15That's me.
10:15I smell like a dirty diaper.
10:16I wear adult diapers now.
10:18I'm at the age where I can't hold it.
10:20Yeah, I'm sorry.
10:21Ew.
10:22Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
10:24I hear something.
10:25It's like a muffled crying or something.
10:28Oh, that's my stomach.
10:30I'm really hungry.
10:30I haven't eaten all day.
10:31What did you eat for dinner?
10:33I actually haven't had dinner yet.
10:34I had a burger for lunch, but that was a while ago.
10:37Okay, well, do you want a microwavable macaroni and cheese cup?
10:40Yeah.
10:41You know what?
10:41I think I will take a microwavable macaroni and cheese cup.
10:44It sounds pretty good.
10:44Okay, then let's go to the kitchen.
10:45Wait, wait, wait, wait.
10:47Is that a baby?
10:47Uh, that's Skaggs.
10:51Skaggs?
10:51Yeah, that's my nephew Skaggs.
10:53His parents left him here.
10:54I got to watch him for a while.
10:56Hey, Skaggs.
10:57He's sleeping.
10:58Oh, yeah, okay.
10:59I can see that.
11:00Yeah, so don't bother Skaggs.
11:01Let's just go to the kitchen.
11:03Yeah, let's go to the kitchen.
11:04Okay.
11:05All right, are you ready for your macaroni and cheese cup?
11:07I want to pour the cheese.
11:08All right, let me open up the microwave.
11:12You can't eat it.
11:13Why?
11:14Because my microwave is broken.
11:17Well, I mean, I could probably fix it.
11:18No, no, no, I pooped in it, and I wanted to see what would happen if you microwave poop,
11:22and that's what I did to it.
11:24Why would you do that?
11:25I want to see what color it turned into.
11:27It broke the microwave when I put the poop in that.
11:30Oh.
11:30Yeah, so you can't eat that.
11:32No macaroni and cheese cup?
11:33No, you can't.
11:34Sorry.
11:35This is dumb.
11:37Yeah, so let's just go outside, right?
11:40Go outside or upstairs.
11:42I cannot believe you would offer a man a microwavable macaroni and cheese cup and then not give it to him.
11:47Unbelievable.
11:48I forgot my microwave was broken.
11:49Look, are you done searching everywhere?
11:51Are you satisfied?
11:52Yeah, I guess.
11:53I thought for sure the babies would be here, though.
11:56I got to think about this.
11:57Ow.
11:57What is that poking into my head?
11:59Is that a baby's leg?
12:01What?
12:01Is this a baby?
12:03A baby in your couch?
12:05What?
12:05How did that get here?
12:07What?
12:07Wait a minute.
12:08This whole couch is full of babies.
12:10What?
12:11Where?
12:12Oh, you're under arrest, Mario.
12:13No, no, this is not me.
12:15This is Black Yoshi.
12:15Black Yoshi found out that the more kids he had, the government would give him more money for assistance.
12:19Okay.
12:20All right.
12:20So that's fraud and kidnapping.
12:22He's going to prison.
12:23Yeah.
12:23Black Yoshi, get out here.
12:25What's up, Bo?
12:26They found out what you did.
12:28All right, man.
12:29Time to go to plan B.
12:31All right.
12:31How much money you want?
12:33What?
12:33What?
12:33You can't bribe a police officer.
12:35How about about $5,000?
12:37No, no.
12:38I'm just going to confiscate all that money anyway when I arrest you.
12:41Yeah, Black Yoshi, you have to go to jail.
12:43You committed a huge crime.
12:45Man, I don't want to go to jail.
12:47Well, Black Yoshi, you have to go to jail because you kidnapped, you're fraud, and you just tried to bribe him.
12:51So that's another charge.
12:52Yeah, all right.
12:53Let me just collect all these babies so I can return them to the parents, and then I'm going to arrest you.
12:58I guess we'll start with this one.
13:00Oh, that's fried chicken-isha.
13:03Please don't take her.
13:04Yeah, fried chicken-isha.
13:06Let's get this one.
13:08Man, there go Moof.
13:09Moof?
13:10Yeah, like Moof out the way.
13:12Okay.
13:13Let's get this one.
13:14There go Stone Cold Steve Ashley.
13:16Yeah, let's get her over there.
13:19Oh, it's Shatana-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Batman.
13:25All right.
13:26I think this is the last baby.
13:28Bye, rock, paper, Susina.
13:30And then after this, Black Yoshi, you're going to jail.
13:33Okay.
13:34Oh, Black Yoshi, look what you did.
13:36You're going to jail, but you won't even be able to take care of your son.
13:39Wait, son?
13:40Yeah, Black Yoshi has a real son right there.
13:42He has a real son?
13:43Yeah.
13:44Well, I can't take a father to jail.
13:47What?
13:48Well, it's just not fair that all these babies get parents, and that one doesn't.
13:52What are you saying?
13:53Oh, I'm saying I can't take Black Yoshi to jail.
13:57What?
13:58I'm not going to take him to jail.
13:59I'll return all these babies, but I'm not sending him to jail.
14:03Well, what about the money?
14:04Oh, I'm definitely taking the money.
14:06He can't keep that.
14:07Well, look at that, Black Yoshi.
14:09The next 18 years, you get to take care of your son because his officer is going to let you go.
14:13Oh, Mr. Police Officer, man, can I go to jail?
14:16Yeah, sure.
14:17All right, cool.
14:18Come on.
14:18Whoa!
14:18Whoa!
14:18I'll see you next time.
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