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Gutfeld! 10/9/25 Greg Gutfeld FULL END SHOW | ᗷᖇEᗩKIᑎG ᑎEᗯS Tᖇᑌᗰᑭ October 09,2025
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00:00I am so sorry I didn't even hear the doorbell, but come on in.
00:27Happy Thursday, everyone.
00:30So the campaign manager for Katie Porter allegedly told her, you looked bad the other night.
00:37She said, you mean the interview?
00:40And he said, what interview?
00:44Meanwhile, Sonoma County in California has reinstituted mask mandates for health care
00:49facilities.
00:51It's all part of a larger effort to cover half of Katie Porter's face.
01:00Just when we're running out of weirdos, we get new ones.
01:02Virginia Democrat Jay Jones's poll numbers dropped since those texts surfaced of him claiming
01:09he wanted his opponent's kids killed.
01:12He says he's not worried his numbers will improve once he murders the pollster.
01:18Hey, if it works, Florida police claim they found a large thermos inside an arrested man's
01:26rectum.
01:29Police are on the lookout for an accomplice with an ass full of donuts.
01:41Gives new meaning to the phrase donut holes.
01:45The last escapee from a New Orleans jailbreak has finally been caught in Atlanta.
01:50So how did he remain on the run for 145 days?
01:54Cops found him hiding in a thermos.
02:02President Trump announced that Hamas has agreed to release all the hostages.
02:11You're welcome.
02:14His next challenge, freeing this man.
02:18Been a long time.
02:21Been a long time.
02:22I have a yellow ribbon outside my tree.
02:27Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu called for President Trump to receive the Nobel Peace Prize.
02:31Not for the Gaza deal, but for getting Rosie O'Donnell to self-deport.
02:37Podcaster Hassan Piker appeared to use a shock collar on his dog for not sitting still during
02:49his boring show.
02:51After hearing the news, Jimmy Kimmel bought his audience shiny new collars.
02:58And finally, The View co-host, Alyssa Farah Griffin, just announced she's pregnant.
03:03Oh.
03:04I know.
03:05It's history.
03:06I know not that the host on the show actually had sex.
03:12That we know of.
03:14All right.
03:15So something's off with today's Democrats.
03:18Take Katie Porter, who's running for governor of California.
03:21She's the left's latest ray of sunshine.
03:24And like the sun, looking directly at her will damage your eyes.
03:29What do you say to the 40% of California voters who you'll need in order to win who voted for
03:34Trump. How would I need them in order to win, ma'am? Well, unless you think you're going to get
03:3960% of... So you don't think... I feel like this is unnecessarily argumentative. What is your
03:44question? Well, to those voters, okay, so you... I don't want to keep doing this. I'm going to call
03:49it. You're not going to do the interview with us? Nope, not like this. I'm not. Not with seven
03:53follow-ups to every single question you ask. It's no surprise she freaked when she heard 40%
03:58since that's her level of body fat.
04:04Then there's this recently surfaced nugget.
04:11To air pollution and other problems, and the state could lose...
04:14Get out of my shot.
04:18I wanted to tell you that that's actually incorrect. It's not that it's electric vehicles. It's that
04:23if you don't need the commitments under the Paris climate report.
04:26Okay. It does... Okay. You also were in my shot before that.
04:31Stay out of my shot.
04:34Mmm. Nice girl.
04:36Yeah. No wonder everyone who works for her ends up on a milk carton.
04:41If only she could retain staff the way she retains water.
04:46Then... Wow.
04:48I know. There's left-wing streamer Hassan Piker,
04:52who's being accused of shocking his dog on a live stream.
04:56It's the same reason as to why, America, Kaya, please just...
05:02Go...
05:03Stop.
05:03I know.
05:11Let's see it one more time.
05:12Yes.
05:13It's the same reason as to why, America, Kaya, please just...
05:18Go...
05:19Would you stop?
05:20Stop.
05:21So, what did he just do to that dog?
05:24And for what?
05:25Just standing up?
05:26And that's the Democrats' new model for liberal male masculinity?
05:30A guy who treats his dog the way Hunter Biden treats his penis?
05:33I mean, I don't know if he shocks his penis, but I'm assuming.
05:41Who wouldn't?
05:42If I had the options.
05:45And what of Greta, the left's favorite vegan Swedish meatball?
05:50She posted a photo of a starving Israeli hostage claiming it was a starving Palestinian.
05:55But I guess they all look alike when you skip school for 15 years.
05:58Or maybe it's the brain damage you get when you replace a protein-rich diet with anti-Semitism.
06:05But at least her new haircut has Jews and Muslims both united in recommending a veil.
06:16Now, she's not a yank, but she could be the face of the Democrat Party.
06:19Female, white, unhinged.
06:21I give her credit, though.
06:23She's the only hostage in history where the kidnappers kept sending her back.
06:28The list goes on.
06:29Chuck Schumer, he's still a grim ghoul who sleeps hanging upside down.
06:33Trump and the Republican Party are hell-bent on taking health care away from 60 million people.
06:40It's a disgrace.
06:41So Democrats have three words for this.
06:44No way.
06:46Hmm.
06:48How fake is that?
06:49The only time Chuck says no effing way is when the eight Cialis pills he guzzled won't work.
06:58And Jay Pritzker and Jerry Nadler, insufferable.
07:06But at least we know what happened to those fat twins on motorbikes.
07:11I always wanted to know what happened to them.
07:15And Akeem, as I call him, straight Obama,
07:18looks like he's sleepwalking through a living nightmare.
07:24Then there's Schiff, Swalwell, Booker, three Dems who don't have one ball among them.
07:30And Brandon, Liz, and Tim.
07:32One's a buffoon, the other's a fake.
07:36And then Liz and Tim.
07:38One's a buffoon, the other's a fake.
07:40And the other is stage four jazz hands.
07:42So it's obvious it's not just the message, it's the manner.
07:48I mean, compare a campus pro-Hamas rally to a turning point event.
07:52On one hand, you have a misshapen mob.
07:54On the other, the cast of a hotter version of Melrose Place.
07:58Didn't the Dems once have some fun people?
08:02I mean, at least Bill Clinton looked like a good time.
08:06He was an inspiration to men everywhere who focused on banging ugly chicks.
08:12Today's Dems are different.
08:15They can't find their footing in reality.
08:18And true, the right has their oddballs.
08:21But here's the difference.
08:22They're fun.
08:23You know, Marjorie, Boebert.
08:25They at least look like they'd get drunk and shoot BBs at fat kids.
08:32And be honest.
08:34Getting locked up by Kristi Noem is a top ten role-playing fantasy.
08:38As long as it's not at a kennel.
08:45Hey.
08:47Fair and balanced.
08:48But the Dems, they seem so, what's the word for it?
08:52Ugly.
08:53And that's because the mind and body are intertwined.
08:58And you can't be physically appealing if your mind is drowning in hate.
09:02Look at TDS sufferers before and after Trump.
09:05Their posture, hair, faces.
09:07Kathy Griffin alone can scare stripes off a zebra.
09:12That's the opportunity cost of Trump derangement.
09:16It drains all the energy, the humor, and joy from your life.
09:20That's why it's not a syndrome.
09:21It's an addiction.
09:23And what happens with an addict?
09:24They lose interest in everything but the drug.
09:27They stop bathing.
09:28They stop trying.
09:28The spouse leaves.
09:30The bills don't get paid.
09:31The friends disappear.
09:32In short, you're Keith Olbermann.
09:37The Dems are in desperate need of rehab.
09:40It's visible on their faces.
09:43They need help.
09:44But they need to ask for it first.
09:47Until then, all we can do is wait.
09:49And don't ever ask them to dog-sit.
09:53Here he is.
09:54Let's welcome tonight's ghost.
09:58He moved from D.C. to a farm because he was looking for less manure.
10:03Co-host of Fox and Friends Weekend, Charlie Hurd.
10:05She knows more about the old pig skin than Kermit the Frog.
10:12Host of Michelle Tavoya podcast.
10:13He's with Tavoya.
10:16If it weren't for a primitive action, he'd get no action at all.
10:20Wow.
10:20He needs Rod Small.
10:22Wow.
10:23Not fair.
10:23Not fair.
10:25And she may be bony, but she's never phony.
10:28New York Times best-selling author of Fox News.
10:29Good treatment or catch-up.
10:30Charlie, you're a happy guy, which is probably why you're kind of good-looking.
10:39You're kind of like a thinking man's Dennis Weaver.
10:48You're happy.
10:50Yeah.
10:51Yeah.
10:52Do you agree with me that happiness and looks are intertwined?
10:55And the idea that it's not a syndrome, that it's an addiction, I think is such a great point because that is the problem.
11:03And the problem with these people is they have been told all their lives that they have the answers.
11:08Katie Porter is convinced that she has all the answers to everybody's problems.
11:13That's why they love big government.
11:14That's why they love control.
11:16Because they think they can solve all of your problems.
11:18And if you believe that and you've been told that, you are a supremely arrogant person.
11:25And that's why these people will never, ever stop and acknowledge that they're wrong and that they need help.
11:32Yeah.
11:32They'll never get out of the addiction.
11:34When you said arrogant, she also believes that she doesn't need to persuade anybody.
11:39That's why she didn't like the follow-up questions.
11:41Yeah.
11:42Thank you, Sherrod.
11:43You know, Michelle, I have never met an unattractive, happy person in my life.
11:52It's, you're right.
11:56That's, that was amazing silence.
12:01The entire audience is thinking, he's full of s***.
12:06Oh, yes.
12:07But then you go to a strip club, there are all these hot chicks, but they're so miserable.
12:11It really makes it hard to have a lap dance.
12:15Not impossible.
12:16Not impossible.
12:17Not impossible.
12:17Not impossible.
12:19Well, if Katie Porter thinks she has all the answers, why doesn't she want any follow-up questions?
12:25That is a good question there.
12:27No, it's, it's so true.
12:29They are arrogant.
12:30They're unhappy.
12:31I don't want to paint all Democrats with the same brush.
12:34But certainly the loudest ones with the biggest platforms seem to be grumpy and unhappy and arrogant.
12:42And for her to say no to follow-up questions, she has no place in public service.
12:47Also, I think she's a little overeducated.
12:49She went to Yale.
12:50She went to Harvard.
12:51She was mentored by Elizabeth Warren, who's a fraud.
12:54And she just thinks she's entitled to walk right in and be a politician.
12:58As for the guy who shocked his dog, he, I believe he has citizenship in Turkey as well as the of America.
13:07So, you know what?
13:07And he said earlier in that tape that he hates, he effing hates America.
13:12I think that he should go to Turkey because we're not going to bend to his needs.
13:17But he needs to leave his dog here.
13:18Shrod, you saw the clip of Katie Porter.
13:27You'd still hook up with her.
13:28I was still hit.
13:29I was still hit it.
13:30But that's not the point here, Greg.
13:33I'm still smashed.
13:353 a.m. at the bar.
13:36I'm still smashed.
13:38Let's not be too proud in here, crowd.
13:42But it's a bad look.
13:43It's a bad look for her because she's coming off real.
13:46Lord have mercy, lady.
13:47And when I said, like, the single mother running for governor, I was like, the dude must be like, I'm so happy I got out of there.
13:53Yes, he did.
13:55Didn't she abuse him?
13:56She threw hot potatoes on his head.
13:58Yeah.
13:59She swallowed his scalp.
14:00In some relationships, at the beginning, you liked certain things and you didn't stop liking it.
14:03Yeah.
14:06At first, I mean, at first he liked the potatoes.
14:10He liked the potatoes at first.
14:11And then it was like a famine.
14:13He was like, he ain't one no more.
14:15He turned full Irish.
14:17This girl don't know history.
14:22So, Kat, what do you make of this whole Hassan Piker?
14:25Do you think he'd shock the dog?
14:26So, he's denying that he actually shocked the dog.
14:29I, for one, think he's lying.
14:31For two, don't think that is that relevant.
14:34He's still an asshole either way.
14:36Because, what kind of reaction is that to have to your dog standing?
14:42Right.
14:42Like, I have a dog.
14:43Never once has he stood up and I'm like, oh, are you kidding me?
14:48We're like, what the?
14:50Actually, I actually would go so far as to say that I like that my dog can stand.
14:56Yes.
14:56It's a good thing that my dog can stand.
15:01And also, if I ever hear my dog make a sound like that, I am standing up to then go see if he's okay.
15:07Yes.
15:08Yeah.
15:08Yeah.
15:08He's a bad, I think this is a bad, you know, they say people that are cruel to animals are often serial killers.
15:14Absolutely.
15:14I'm not saying he's a serial killer.
15:16I'm saying, I'm not saying he's not a serial killer.
15:20I want America to decide, Kat.
15:22Just doing that on a stream.
15:24Like, people are watching that.
15:25It's like, ugh, when your dog stands, am I right?
15:28Like.
15:29Yeah, that's their, that's your non-toxic masculinity for liberals.
15:33That's your non-toxic male, a guy who's mean to dogs.
15:36But he's, plus he's like, my mother spoiled the dog.
15:39It's like, dude, it's your mom's dog and you look like you're in your mom's basement.
15:43Yeah.
15:44Who are you to shock anybody?
15:45Yeah, exactly.
15:47I'd like to put those shocks on him.
15:49Oh.
15:50I don't really mean that.
15:52I do.
15:53All right.
15:54All right, let's do it.
15:55Get him!
15:56Get him!
15:58All right.
15:59Up next, Trump brings peace.
16:01If you'll be in the New York area and would like tickets to see Gutveld, go to foxnews.com
16:08slash gutveld and click on the link to join our studio audience.
16:13Five words.
16:18Trump's peace plan ago.
16:20Michelle, big news.
16:21Trump announced that Israel and Hamas have agreed to the first phase of a peace plan ending
16:25two years of war following the October 7th attacks.
16:29They're going to release all 48 hostages held by Hamas.
16:32And then we're going to give up like a ton of their people.
16:35I always wonder, why is it not one to one?
16:38It's like the Palestinians like assume that like one Israeli is worth like four Palestinians.
16:44That's kind of an insult.
16:45Yeah, it kind of is.
16:46I don't have an answer to that.
16:48But what I will say is this.
16:49I saw a talking head on another network today say, well, are we worried now that Trump is
16:54going to expect the Nobel Peace Prize?
16:57Are we concerned about that?
16:59Who the hell cares?
17:01Yeah.
17:01I mean, even if he wants it, I'll just put it in these terms.
17:05Tom Brady wanted Super Bowls.
17:06Tiger Woods wanted to win majors.
17:09The New York Yankees want to win a world.
17:10Oh, I'm sorry.
17:11Is that too short?
17:14Sorry.
17:15Oh.
17:16Did something happen?
17:17And here's the deal.
17:20In order to win the Nobel Peace Prize, you have to get peace.
17:25Yeah.
17:25So that is a bad thing.
17:27And he shouldn't want that.
17:28First of all, I don't care if he gets the prize.
17:31But here's the thing.
17:32People love to hate on success and winners.
17:35People, all the New York fans hate Tom Brady.
17:38Golfers hate Tiger Woods.
17:40They hate the New York Yankees.
17:41And they're going to hold it against him that he did something that so many other people
17:45could not do to hell with him.
17:48I know what you mean, though.
17:49I run into this.
17:53Shrod.
17:53Yeah.
17:54I run into this all the time.
17:56People hate me for my success.
17:57Yes.
17:58So you got my email.
17:59Yeah.
18:06Well, the Nobel Peace Prize, it ain't, I mean, maybe he'll get it.
18:10Maybe he won't get it.
18:11Does he deserve it?
18:12I don't know.
18:12I don't know the Nobel family.
18:15But I would say that it don't have the same, like, hit that it used to have, the Nobel Peace
18:19Prize.
18:19Yes, it doesn't.
18:19Back in the day.
18:20Yeah.
18:20They offered it to me two summers ago when I broke up a fight on an A train.
18:25Express.
18:29Thank you for...
18:30Gotta get to work.
18:31Yeah.
18:32Gotta get to work.
18:36Kat, um, what are the...
18:40I have two shows going on right now.
18:45Kat, what do the protesters do now?
18:49Like, they don't have George Floyd anymore.
18:52They don't have trans.
18:53Now you take away this thing.
18:54Where are they going to go?
18:56They'll find something.
18:57Yeah.
18:57Yeah.
18:58They will find something.
18:58Should they protest you?
19:00I would honestly love the attention.
19:03You and me both.
19:05Right?
19:06I'd be like, you're all here for me.
19:09They'd be like, we hate you, bitch.
19:10I'd be like, all of you?
19:15You think so?
19:16Very flattering.
19:17All those people got up, got dressed, marching in the streets.
19:19It's getting kind of cold out.
19:20All for me?
19:22We had a huge protest here a couple nights ago for the, uh, anti-Israel stuff.
19:28You're protesting Trump.
19:29Yeah.
19:29They're protesting, yeah.
19:30And then he does, and then he causes peace.
19:32So that's got to fry their brains.
19:34Well, I would like to disagree with one thing, Michelle, which is you need peace for the
19:38Nobel Peace Prize.
19:39I'm pretty sure Obama got it for vibes.
19:41Oh, that's your point.
19:42He got it for vibes.
19:44Yes.
19:44And then after it was announced, less than two months after, he put tens of thousands
19:47more troops in Afghanistan.
19:49So I do think it's kind of lost.
19:50Yeah.
19:51He got it for his first album.
19:52It was a good album.
19:53Yeah.
19:54It was a good album.
19:55A good album.
19:56Yeah.
19:56Yeah, he wrote the second one on tour.
19:59It wasn't the same.
20:00It was a money grab.
20:01It was a money grab.
20:03You know, he wasn't ready.
20:04He wasn't ready.
20:05He wasn't ready.
20:07Charlie, you were on the five today.
20:09Try to say something you didn't say on the five.
20:12Yeah, I spilled it all there.
20:15No, if he does get the Nobel, they get offered the Nobel Peace Prize, I hope he rejects it.
20:20I think that would be the most baller move that he could do.
20:23Say that he's coming, but then, like, call Obama to go pick it up for him.
20:29But when you look at what Trump has done in the Middle East, it is so extraordinary.
20:34And he has never gotten the credit he deserves for the Abraham Accords because they were the
20:40precursor to this.
20:41It's all based on credibility.
20:43Yeah.
20:43Because he went over there with an America first perspective and both sides recognized
20:50that he had credibility.
20:51And he talked about, like, turning Gaza into, like, the Riviera of the Mediterranean.
20:57And everybody was like, after they stopped laughing, they were like, oh, actually, you
21:01mean we could make some money doing this?
21:03And at the end of the day, that is what kind of brought everybody together.
21:07And the fact that he's not a typical BS politician, he's somebody that had credibility.
21:14And I think that he deserves the Nobel Peace Prize.
21:18Whether or not they have the wisdom to recognize that or not, who cares?
21:21It doesn't matter.
21:22You know what would be great?
21:24And I have a feeling Israel is going to do this.
21:27They're going to let those Palestinian Hamas members out.
21:33But then something's going to happen to them.
21:35It'll be down the line.
21:37Like they'll have pagers?
21:38Yeah, they'll have pagers.
21:39But see, I think they will actually, like, it'll be like an internal thing.
21:42Like, they'll put something surgically inside.
21:46Like a thermos.
21:50Why do I have a thermos up my ass?
21:57All right.
21:57Up next.
21:58You can put a lot of C4 into the thermos.
21:59Yeah, you can put a lot in there.
22:01CNN gets even dumber.
22:04I have more words.
22:09CNN says inhalers damage Earth.
22:12Shrod, this will get your goat.
22:14You still have one.
22:16CNN article blames inhalers.
22:19People with asthma.
22:21That's causing climate pollution.
22:23That's equivalent of a half a million cars.
22:26And they mock asthmatics as environmental threats for using them to breathe.
22:30What do you make of this?
22:33Well, inhalers might damage the planet.
22:34But the people who use inhalers are the scientists that help the planet.
22:37Yeah.
22:38Yeah.
22:38Let these nerds breathe so we can live.
22:41Yeah.
22:42Why are they always finding stuff that people need and calling them a threat to the planet?
22:46Because I think Big Pharma is behind us, the pharmaceuticals.
22:50Yeah.
22:51They probably got a new product out.
22:52They don't need inhalers no more.
22:54We all slaves to it.
22:57Thank you, one dude.
22:58You know, Kat, this was put out by the CNN's Health and Climate Unit, a journalist by the
23:09name of Jen Christensen.
23:11Do we have a picture of her?
23:12No?
23:14Well, how am I going to make fun of her without a picture?
23:17We know what she looks like.
23:19Oh, okay.
23:19Is she overweight?
23:20I don't know.
23:21I don't know.
23:23It says overweight in the question.
23:26I'm still in if she is.
23:31Callback.
23:32Callback.
23:34So, Kat, they have, okay, CNN has a health and climate unit.
23:39We don't even have, like, a bathroom.
23:44I mean, no, seriously.
23:45No, we do.
23:47Where have you been going to the bathroom?
23:49That's a good question.
23:53Kilmeade's office.
23:57Then I lock the door so he can't get in.
24:01I box him.
24:02I poop box him.
24:04Yes, dear.
24:09I can just take it from here, I suppose.
24:11Yes.
24:13The part of the article that really got me was that they actually recommended, quote,
24:17concerted efforts to reduce traditional inhaler use.
24:22Like, come on.
24:23Like, it's optional.
24:24Like, come on.
24:25You're actually like, listen, I know you can't breathe, but maybe just don't.
24:30Yeah.
24:31That's, they recommended, like, I guess there's a different kind of inhaler that is not covered
24:36by insurance or something.
24:37It's like, people are going to use the ones that are their insurance covers.
24:40I guarantee this writer, if she has members of her family with asthma, she would never
24:44do this to them.
24:45She does it to the audience because she doesn't know them.
24:48That's how these people write these stories where they try to shame you.
24:51They never actually, like, air conditioning is bad, but they would never tell their grandparents
24:55not to use air conditioning.
24:57You know, the other thing, too, Charlie, is do you remember all the hoopla about the
25:00Palisade fires obviously being caused by climate change?
25:04And now we find out climate change is actually a pyromaniac.
25:07Yeah, an Uber driver did it.
25:09An Uber driver, I told you.
25:11An Uber driver.
25:12Yeah, first they're talking to you, now they're lighting fires.
25:15An environmental wacko who is an Uber driver.
25:19That's why I use Lyft.
25:25Look, the whole thing, it's so absurd, but it's also completely true.
25:31They hate humans.
25:32Yeah, I think that's true.
25:33The solution to all of it is, because you can't breathe, it's probably a good thing if
25:37you just die and there would be fewer of us.
25:40They hate humans.
25:41They're anti-human.
25:43Yeah, and the thing is, you could argue, and I think it has been argued, that flatulence
25:46is a major cause of CO2 emissions.
25:49So what causes flatulence?
25:51Food.
25:52So maybe the people at CNN should just stop eating.
25:56I agree.
25:58Yeah.
25:59Yeah.
25:59Imagine what a difference the view could make.
26:02Oh, my God.
26:06But, you know.
26:07She's trying to help the view.
26:09I am.
26:10I am.
26:11Kat mentioned this.
26:13There is this alternative product that's some powder-based product, and this is going to
26:18become the new virtue signaling.
26:20Oh, my daughter doesn't use an inhaler.
26:22We use the powder.
26:23Yeah.
26:23And you're going to start to see bumper stickers, inhalers kill, and that's what they're going
26:28to do.
26:29So here's the thing.
26:30My daughter needs an inhaler, so screw them and the horse they rode in on.
26:35And they always go after these tiny little things instead of China and India should really
26:42cut back on their emissions, but that's not sexy or fun or anti-human.
26:47Yeah, my daughter needed an inhaler, too, but I couldn't afford it, so I just got to vape.
26:53She's got to vape.
26:56All made in China, right?
26:57Yeah.
26:58It's all made in China.
27:00She probably feels great.
27:03Yeah.
27:03And she loves the flavors.
27:05The flavors are amazing.
27:07She loves some pineapple.
27:10Coming up, why nice guys lose.
27:13Tonight on Duh, a new study out of Sweden, home of Swedes, finds that nice guys do finish
27:35last.
27:35Turns out dudes who are more agreeable are less likely to have a romantic partner.
27:40Well, let's go to the expert here, Kat.
27:43The study found that, however, women being agreeable had no impact.
27:50Duh.
27:51Do guys care?
27:53I mean, come on.
27:56They don't.
27:56They don't.
27:57They like it when you're a little mean.
28:00Yes.
28:00Yeah.
28:01Yeah.
28:01But also, like, I don't think agreeable necessarily means, like, nice.
28:05Yeah.
28:05You know what I mean?
28:06Well, first of all, if you're literally never fighting, what kind of a relationship is that?
28:10Like, where's the pizzazz?
28:13Yeah.
28:13You know, you need to fight a little bit.
28:16Yeah.
28:16But also, like, agreeable, I just feel like, yeah, like, okay.
28:19Like, a guy that's, like, that's just a guy, I just picture a guy just, like, playing video
28:22games and not listening to you.
28:23Yeah, exactly.
28:24And also, they're the kind of guys that are, like, use their neurosis against you.
28:29You know?
28:30Do you know what I'm talking about?
28:31Like, they break up with you because, oh, this is really, I'm really not good enough for
28:34you.
28:35I hate that.
28:38Charlie, many people refer to you as Fox's bad boy.
28:43I've not heard that.
28:45Because you refuse.
28:47You don't live by anybody's rules but yourself.
28:50You pull up in the morning on your Vespa with a hot cup of Kai tea or chai tea or just tea.
28:59I'm hearing this for the first time.
29:00Yes.
29:01I didn't know that.
29:02No, I think that this is, I don't know why you needed a study.
29:06I think that men, and I didn't even actually think about it for women.
29:10I thought of this entirely for nice guys.
29:15But it's, and I think it's evolutionarily, it makes sense because guys are total jerks
29:20for the first 25 years of their lives.
29:22Yes.
29:23And then, when, and then, and they clean up, right?
29:27Yeah.
29:27If they're jerks.
29:29And then they get married and they have a kid.
29:31And then, and then they stop being, then they become less of a jerk, at which point you
29:35don't need to keep cleaning it up.
29:37So.
29:40Thank you, Mr.
29:42That you're the Marlon Perkins of human.
29:45You know, Michelle, something tells me you had a few bad boys in your past, huh?
29:50Why ever would you think that?
29:54You liked a little danger.
29:56And crawling up the old fire escape.
29:59Whoa, whoa, whoa.
30:00What?
30:01I didn't know where that was going.
30:03I was talking about outside your apartment.
30:06On 314 Terrace, Apartment 3.
30:08Oh, I do have some stories about climbing through windows, but I'm not going to go there.
30:13But I feel bad for men these days because, you know, if they're protective and strong,
30:18they're called toxic.
30:19And then if they're docile and agreeable, no one's attracted to them.
30:23So my message to men would just, like, be you.
30:26You know, don't be a dink.
30:28Yeah.
30:28But you can be kind and be strong.
30:31You can be an empath and still be protective.
30:34You can be all of those things.
30:36You can be sweet and sexy.
30:38I mean, look at Greg.
30:39Oh, thank you.
30:40You know, I was going to disagree with her, but she made the, she gave the worst advice
30:48ever.
30:49Right.
30:49Be yourself.
30:51Never.
30:51Never.
30:52Never heard that from a woman.
30:53Never heard that from the DA's office.
30:58You can't do that until they're trapped.
31:00Yes.
31:01Yeah.
31:02Then once you get married, then you can be yourself.
31:05You've got to be the other guy.
31:06You've got to be the better version of you that you hate being.
31:10No.
31:10I mean, you can, listen, finish last, come in last.
31:13It's like coming second.
31:14Yeah.
31:14Because every woman beat a, you know, a-hole at first.
31:17Yeah.
31:17And then there's some nice dude who sticks around to listen to all the stories.
31:20Next thing you know, he hitting it.
31:22Yeah.
31:24So you can be the sweet dude and end up in a rom-com.
31:26Yeah, that is true.
31:27But if you're a sweet dude, you've got to listen to or talk about the guy before to
31:32you.
31:32You don't got to.
31:33You get to listen to.
31:36You get to listen to a break.
31:38You're dropping the ball, baby.
31:40Yeah.
31:42Yeah.
31:42Are you the bad boy?
31:44I'm whatever they want, you know.
31:47See, he's a Criamble.
31:48I'm a bad boy.
31:49I'm a good guy.
31:50Sometimes I'm the Uber driver.
31:53That back around.
31:55Not the Lyft.
31:56And fire isn't here.
31:58Not the Lyft.
31:59Not the Lyft.
32:00I don't think we needed this study.
32:02You think?
32:03No.
32:03I mean, this is, it's, that's, Charlie made this point.
32:06These studies that tell us the most obvious truths, who's paying for these studies?
32:12We're paying for it.
32:13We're paying for all of it.
32:14But I grew up with sisters, too, so they showed me how to be with women.
32:17Yeah.
32:17I'm the youngest only boy, so if I did something wrong, they would pop me.
32:20I'd be like, don't do that.
32:22How many sisters did you have?
32:24Two older.
32:24I had three older.
32:25Yes.
32:26Yeah.
32:26They didn't help me at all.
32:27Yeah.
32:28We had the worst hand-me-downs, too, huh?
32:30Yeah.
32:30Yes.
32:33Wholesome joke.
32:34Yeah.
32:35They were transitioning me without my input.
32:38Way before.
32:40Way before.
32:42Yeah.
32:42This is a blouse.
32:43All right.
32:46Up next, the greatest x-ray ever.
32:50You love a story for Charlie.
32:58Ow, ow.
33:07Tonight on a story for Charlie.
33:09A 51-year-old Florida man was busted for trespassing and possession of meth, but when he was taken
33:17to the local jail and walked through the body scanner, what cops found inside him was nothing
33:22short of incredible.
33:24Here's Sheriff Grady Judd explaining what happened.
33:27So we put everybody through a body scanner to make sure that they're not trying to bring
33:33guns and knives and drugs into the jail.
33:36Well, you might have thought Walter was bringing drugs into the jail.
33:46He brought a thermos into the jail.
33:49That's right.
33:51He put it up the exit ramp.
33:53You know what I mean?
33:54A thermos about this size.
34:01No, it wasn't this one.
34:04Thank you, Sheriff.
34:06That was the greatest.
34:10So, Charlie, for the next 20 or 30 minutes, we're going to discuss this topic.
34:16Thank you so much.
34:17All right.
34:18Was it really necessary to have a press conference?
34:23So, no matter how much faith I lose in our political system, I will forever have the highest
34:30faith for local sheriffs.
34:32Yes.
34:33Most of them are elected, which means that they are answerable to the people that elect them,
34:38but because they are willing to do important things like this.
34:42I don't know why, but I'm still puzzled about why the guy wanted to sneak the thermos into
34:50the prison.
34:51Keep the coffee.
34:52Go ahead.
34:52Oh, sorry.
34:53I just really can't wait to jump in here.
34:56I think Kat has done some research.
34:57I'm not so sure that he wanted to smuggle a thermos in.
35:00I'm trying to think of a way that's appropriate to say this for TV, but this could have been
35:04one of those situations where it was less about the destination and more about the journey.
35:12Do you think, Kat, while we're investigating it, do you think it's possible that this was
35:25his way to keep from being violated in prison?
35:29It's like you're about to and you go, what?
35:31It's like a baffle?
35:32What?
35:32It's like a baffle?
35:33Yes, like a, what's a baffle?
35:35A baffle, you know, like a, like a plug.
35:37Yes, like a plug.
35:39Okay.
35:41This is, but that's a ginormous plug.
35:46I mean, that's just, that's how, how, Kat, if that was a journey, what kind of fuel was
35:53he using to get there?
35:55That's amphetamine.
35:56Yeah, this is not, but on the other hand, that sheriff deserves his own show.
36:03I, you know, Fox Nation, sign him up.
36:06Yeah.
36:06That's good stuff.
36:08I already got it.
36:09I'm going to produce it.
36:10It's Fox Nation things they find up your ass.
36:15You know what, you know, Sherrod, remember what show we grew up with?
36:19That's Incredible.
36:20Oh, yes.
36:20Yes.
36:20There's nothing on That's Incredible that comes close to a thermos up your ass.
36:24No, I would say not, but I did see the same stunt performed last season on RuPaul's Drag Race.
36:33Same thing.
36:34So, copycat.
36:38I don't know, man.
36:40But there's a lot to, and look at his face in his mugshot.
36:43That explains that.
36:46That's halfway in right there.
36:48You can still see the steam from the coffee.
36:58You know, oh, Charlie, you want to keep going with this.
37:01Okay.
37:03Do you think that a thermos is salvageable?
37:08Would you, if it was properly clean?
37:10I just love that, that Kat was worried about taking this into a worse place.
37:18I was just trying to keep it PG.
37:21It's kid-friendly.
37:23Yeah, this is a family show.
37:25Well, I mean, it is like 1058.
37:29I mean, it's like at this point, people have probably fallen asleep.
37:31I do believe, though, that this could be a competitive event.
37:38My money's on this guy.
37:40Yeah.
37:40I mean, he's like the Jim Thorpe of penetrative events.
37:51I mean, I think there's an argument for calling him an athlete.
37:55Yes.
37:56In fact, I think that he should also get some kind of leniency from the judge.
38:01It's like, dude, that's impressive.
38:03You think there was training involved?
38:05Yeah.
38:05There was a lot of training involved.
38:06You don't just start with a thermos.
38:07Yeah.
38:07You don't start with a thermos.
38:09I don't know if he's an athlete, but he's definitely a team player.
38:13Well, I think we've reached the end of that segment.
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