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Gutfeld! 1/2/26 Greg Gutfeld FULL END SHOW | ᗷᖇEᗩKIᑎG ᑎEᗯS Tᖇᑌᗰᑭ January 2, 2026
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00:00Good evening, everyone!
00:19I am Tom Shalhoub, in for Greg on this very special edition of Gutfeld.
00:24Since it's the first show of the new year, let's see how some of our friends are celebrating
00:292026.
00:32Joe Biden is replacing his embalming fluid with champagne.
00:38Greg is writing 2026 nude Joy Behar jokes.
00:46Kamala Harris is still nursing a killer hangover.
00:51Rashida Tlaib is shaving 2026 into her beard.
00:58And finally, Zoran Mamdani is working hard at pretending to like Jews.
01:07So New York City is ringing in the new year with a new mayor, Zoran Mamdani.
01:13The man who proved anyone can make it in this town as long as they're a Democrat who doesn't
01:17kill the elderly.
01:19Zoran was sworn in at City Hall on New Year's Day as New Yorkers got started on their New
01:29Year's resolution, throwing themselves in front of more subway trains.
01:33He was the first mayor to be sworn in on the Koran.
01:38Meanwhile, a few blocks over, the Freedom Tower was saying, hey guys, remember me?
01:42Then he gave his inauguration speech, or what I like to call the Big Apple's last will and
01:49testament.
01:51Let's see what Zoran has planned.
01:54Does he stand alongside us?
01:57I stand alongside you, the tens of thousands of you gathered here in lower Manhattan, warmed
02:04against the January chill by the resurgent flame of hope.
02:09OK, January cold, hope warm, got it.
02:14But that warmth is coming from BLM lighting police cars on fire.
02:20We will replace the frigidity of rugged individualism with the warmth of collectivism.
02:26What is this?
02:27The Karl Marx weather channel?
02:30So collectivism is warm too.
02:34Siberia would beg to differ.
02:36The only expectation I seek to reset is that of small expectations.
02:42Hey, don't knock small expectations.
02:46They're good.
02:47Well, our studio audience, Greg is two feet tall, so they're pleasantly surprised when
02:50they see he's three foot five.
02:55But OK, what are these big expectations of yours?
03:00Beginning today, we will govern expansively and audaciously.
03:05We may not always succeed, but never will we be accused of lacking the courage to try.
03:11Mr. Will like that that got Mom Donnie all those job offers from his mom.
03:17We expect greatness from the cooks wielding a thousand spices, from those who stride out
03:22onto our Broadway stages, and from our starting point guard at Madison Square Garden.
03:31Let us demand the same from those who work in government.
03:35Did you just compare the Knicks to government employees?
03:39I think you're thinking of the Pacers.
03:43I stand alongside countless more New Yorkers watching from cramped kitchens in Flushing,
03:49and barber shops in East New York, from cell phones propped against the dashboards of
03:54parked taxicabs at LaGuardia.
03:56I stand alongside construction workers in steel-toed boots and halal cart vendors whose knees ache
04:03from working all day.
04:05Pretty sure he confused halal cart vendors with prostitutes, but wow, he's trying really
04:14hard to be inclusive.
04:16I stand alongside over one million New Yorkers who voted for this day nearly two months ago,
04:26and I stand just as resolutely alongside those who did not.
04:30Sure, like cops, Jews, and those people in white neighborhoods whose taxes you pledged
04:34to raise.
04:37Those in rent-stabilized homes will no longer dread the latest rent hike, because we will
04:42freeze the rent.
04:44These policies are not simply about the costs we make free, but the lives we fill with freedom.
04:51For too long in our city, freedom has belonged only to those who can afford to buy it.
04:57Our city hall will change that.
05:00I'm sure he will.
05:01By making freedom so expensive, no one can afford it.
05:05I was elected as a democratic socialist, and I will govern as a democratic socialist.
05:10I will not abandon my principles for fear of being deemed radical.
05:15Great.
05:16Plenty of countries have tried socialism, and it worked out for them.
05:19Venezuela had Latin America's highest standard of living.
05:22Now they're making empanadas out of zoo animals.
05:26There are many who will be watching.
05:29They want to know if the left can govern.
05:33They want to know if the struggles that afflict them can be solved.
05:37They want to know if it is right to hope again.
05:41And there won't be a shortage of hope now, hoping the lights will come back on, hoping
05:47a ten-time felon won't stab you on your way to work, hoping the rats won't unionize.
05:54So standing together with the wind of purpose at our backs, we will do something that New
06:00Yorkers do better than anyone else.
06:04We will set an example for the world.
06:06The work continues.
06:09The work endures.
06:12The work, my friends, has only just begun.
06:19Hold on.
06:24Was that a Nazi salute?
06:27Look at it.
06:32That's what Elon did.
06:34Doesn't that make him a fascist?
06:35I'm not going to do it.
06:36I'll get in trouble.
06:38Good luck, New York.
06:39Your new mayor is an inexperienced socialist radical who wants to tear down capitalism and
06:44make life as free as a ticket to one of Sherrod's shows.
06:48Whoa.
06:49Whoa.
06:50That's only on Groupon.
06:52His old brand isn't about fixing a broken system.
06:57It's about gaming it to win power than lecturing everyone else for playing by the rules.
07:03Maybe one day he will make life safer and more affordable for New Yorkers, but probably
07:08just those who take their U-Haul to Palm Beach.
07:11Let's welcome tonight's guests.
07:16This vegan's kind to animals, but cruel to humans, co-host of the bottom line on Fox
07:21Business, Dagan McDowell.
07:26He hosts a video podcast that people actually watch.
07:29Host of your welcome podcast, Michael Malice.
07:35His shows are like New Year's Eve in Times Square.
07:37People pee their pants.
07:39Comedian Gerard Small.
07:42She's like confetti, great for celebrating, but hard to get rid of.
07:46New York Times bestselling author and Fox News contributor, Good Tim.
07:53Oh my gosh.
07:55So much to deal with here in New York City today.
07:58Dagan, I feel like I got to go to you.
08:00Do you agree with me?
08:01Mom Donnie is, look, they're treating it like it's all new, but we've been here before
08:06with like, you know, de Blasio.
08:08Am I right?
08:09Oh, it can get so much worse, worse than what was his name?
08:15Warren Wilhelm, as his real name, not Kaiser, not to be confused with Kaiser Wilhelm.
08:22So a socialist city elects a socialist mayor to fix the problems caused by socialism.
08:28That makes sense because New York City is already socialist.
08:32The biggest employer is the city.
08:34It runs and owns hospitals and health care clinics.
08:38Two thirds of the budget goes to education, social services and government retirees and
08:44something called fringe benefits, which is actually in the budget.
08:49I am actually hoping this fails.
08:52One, because it means it won't spread across the rest of the country.
08:56But two, I'm craving that dangerous, unruly, broke ass, hella cool return to an old New
09:06York where we were all skinny because we couldn't afford food, just drink.
09:13And we had to run everywhere, especially when the sun went down in order to avoid getting
09:18jumped by muggers.
09:21Yeah.
09:22Where the meat packing district actually smelled like meat during the day.
09:26And then it smelled like sex at night because of the dungeons and the clubs.
09:31Not that I went, but it was just the idea that I could go.
09:35Yeah.
09:36Right?
09:37And so I long for the Ratso Rizzo, like Travis Bickle New York instead of the Short Hills
09:45Mall New York, which is what this city looks like right now.
09:48It's going downhill, but she's thinking positive.
09:50I like it.
09:52Speaking of positive, you didn't mention like all that AIDS and rape that was happening.
09:58And that's something I'm very, I'm just teasing, but I'm very concerned about that because
10:02one of the people on his cabinet was talking about decarceration.
10:06And decarceration is their latest euphemism for getting people out of jail who they think
10:10shouldn't be in jail.
10:11Yeah.
10:12And when violent crime is on the rise, the first crime that is least likely to be reported
10:16is being the victim of sexual assault because you already have the violation, the trauma.
10:20What's the point of going through it, especially if the criminal justice system now is based
10:24on keeping the person out of jail instead of keeping the person in jail, which we have
10:27seen under de Blasso and to some extent Mayor Adams.
10:30So good luck city.
10:32I mean, I'm trying to pass, but this is what I'm wondering your, I wanted to ask about your
10:37new look, Michael, what is happening here?
10:39I don't want to be hiding somatic.
10:41So, you know, I'm just, you know, like free Palpatine, the emperor did nothing wrong.
10:46You look, you look like you sell Molly and it's, uh, East village first hits free.
10:53Well, what do you think, Sherrod?
10:56We, you were kind of poking fun of me and my monologue in the, in the green room as I
11:00was kind of going over it.
11:01Yes.
11:02You, you don't have as, as dark of a vision of the future of New York as I have.
11:07Well, only thing I was criticizing with the monologue, I was like, take some of those
11:09inwards out, Tom.
11:10That was it.
11:11But I did.
11:12I took your advice.
11:14And it was better because of it.
11:17I'm pulling for my nanny.
11:19The only reason I'm pulling for him because I'm a New Yorker and I want this to work out.
11:23We live here.
11:24If he can freeze the rents and not make the rent so expensive so people don't have to move
11:28out or move down to Atlanta or Georgia or somewhere, then I'm, I'm for that.
11:32If I don't have to, you know, get my rent tripled every year, I'm for it.
11:36You're for it.
11:37So you're for this freezing the rent.
11:39But people say it's not going to work out.
11:41You freeze the rent and then you, you know, this is, it's not.
11:44Let's see if it works out.
11:45Well, we don't know yet.
11:46We want to try it.
11:47I've been here for Koch.
11:48I've been here for Dinkins.
11:49I've been here for Giuliani.
11:51I've been here for de Blasio.
11:52All of them.
11:53Okay.
11:54None of that worked out.
11:55Wait a minute.
11:56Hold on.
11:57It did work out.
11:58Giuliani.
11:59He was great.
12:00Bloomberg.
12:01Let's go.
12:02Well, when you say he was great, you mean when it comes to hair care products?
12:07No.
12:08It's leaking.
12:09He's dripping.
12:10He's dripping, but he wasn't dripping back in the nineties.
12:12He was okay, but stopping for us was great.
12:14It wasn't great for me.
12:15It was great for you.
12:16Why?
12:17Because so many fewer black people were dead under Giuliani.
12:22No, but it was harder to get weed.
12:23Because wine went down for who?
12:25The blacks.
12:26They went down in black neighborhoods.
12:28And so you had 3,000 dead black young guys, and then you had 900.
12:34That's a good thing.
12:35Well, but if everybody's incarcerated, that's not a good thing.
12:37If you're getting locked up for years and years over weed charges, that's now legal.
12:41That's not a good thing.
12:42When you've got Rockefeller drug laws that's locked up for years and years over a small amount of drugs.
12:48That's not a good thing.
12:49And then they're not rehabilitating them.
12:51The only thing is Rockefeller drug laws.
12:53Kat is nodding her head in agreement on the Rockefeller drug laws.
12:56Yeah.
12:57I'm against rent freeze and stop and frisk.
13:00So I just want to give everyone their time to tweet something mean at me.
13:05Yeah.
13:06Okay, good.
13:07Let's go.
13:08All right.
13:09Everybody done?
13:10Okay.
13:11So yeah, the rent freeze thing, it's not going to work.
13:14But the thing is, the people who voted, the young people and the charades, you were young once.
13:19The young people who voted for Mamdani, they don't know we've tried this kind of stuff in the past.
13:26They didn't live through Dinkins and then Giuliani and they didn't see, you know, de Blasio.
13:32So they don't know.
13:33They think this is all fresh and new.
13:34It's just leftist politics, Kat.
13:36Well, yeah, I don't agree with Mamdani's solutions to these problems at all.
13:41I'm a small government person.
13:43But he really did tap into a frustration that people in my generation have about how many of us did all the things we were supposed to do.
13:53We went to school.
13:54We've been working.
13:55And it's so expensive.
13:58People can't afford to buy homes.
14:00People can't afford anything.
14:01So people are very frustrated.
14:02I'm with Dagan.
14:04My best hope at this time is maybe for everyone.
14:09The crime to get so bad that everybody flees and things are actually going to be affordable.
14:15I mean, again, I do not agree with his solutions, but there is this frustration.
14:19I mean, yes, you know, wait, you know, wages haven't have increased, but but they haven't.
14:28The home prices have far, far, far outpaced inflation and wage growth.
14:34And a lot of people in my generation are really pissed off.
14:37And I don't think he has the answers.
14:38I think these are the wrong answers.
14:40And they do not work.
14:41But this I think that a lot of politicians need to start maybe listening to people in our generation because a lot of us are very frustrated.
14:47It's not just young, the young folks.
14:50It's the old bitches like me.
14:52I'm mad, too.
14:54This place is too expensive.
14:56It's way too expensive.
14:57Everybody's angry.
14:58I love it.
14:59Okay.
15:00Before we go, reminder, come see me in Point Pleasant, New Jersey, January 16th and 17th,
15:04and in Westbury, New York, next month with some guy named Greg Gutfeldt.
15:08Get tickets and sign my mailing list right now at TomChalue.com.
15:12Up next, no treadmills for Trump.
15:16Don't deserve him.
15:22The man that they're deploring calls exercise boring.
15:25The president did an impromptu phone interview with the Wall Street Journal after they wrote an article questioning his health.
15:32Trump kicked off the interview saying, let's talk about health again for the 25th time.
15:36My health is perfect.
15:38The journal revealed that the president takes 325 milligrams of aspirin daily, and doctors have recommended that he take a lower dose, but he prefers to stick with his regimen.
15:48Trump said, quote, they say aspirin is good for thinning out the blood, and I don't want thick blood pouring through my heart.
15:55I want nice, thin blood pouring through my heart.
16:01Does that make sense?
16:03That does make sense.
16:06Let's ask the audience.
16:07How many of you like thick blood pouring through your heart?
16:10Okay.
16:11Now, how many prefer nice, thin blood pouring through your heart?
16:18I think we have our answer.
16:20He also expressed his dislike of exercise saying, I just don't like it.
16:24It's boring to walk or run on a treadmill for hours and hours like some people do.
16:29That's not for me.
16:30How many of you people find treadmills boring?
16:36Wow.
16:37I think this president has his finger on the pulse of America.
16:41And you know what else concerns me about treadmills?
16:43This.
16:44Here it is.
16:45She's getting in shape.
16:46It's just dangerous.
16:47It's dangerous getting in shape.
16:48Uh, Sherrod?
16:49Yes.
16:50The president makes a good point.
16:51I mean, do we all prefer thin blood to thick blood?
17:07I think so.
17:08I think you don't want fat fatso blood in your veins.
17:11But, uh, yeah, I think he's an 80-year-old man, too.
17:14So, exercising is not his number one priority.
17:16But I agree with him.
17:17Like, running on a treadmill is so boring.
17:20I'd rather walk outside and get my steps in than just running and staring at a wall.
17:24Yeah.
17:25Yeah.
17:26You think Trump's in pretty good shape for an 80-year-old?
17:28I mean, they're always kind of poking him about his fitness.
17:32But, you know, it never really comes to first.
17:34The guy has more energy than I do, for sure.
17:35There's only one way to test it out.
17:37Let's get another 80-year-old, put him in a ring, let's see what they can do.
17:41Yeah.
17:42That's right.
17:43I'll watch that.
17:44Yeah.
17:45Kat, what do you think of the president's health?
17:48He's tired of talking about it, but they keep bringing it up.
17:51I love the phrase, impromptu phone interview.
17:54Yeah, yeah.
17:55He sees her talking about it, he's like, well, I've got to correct the record on this.
17:58I have to get on the phone.
17:59Yes.
18:00And he kind of just says whatever.
18:01Do you know what I mean?
18:02Like, I love how he is the president and he refuses any sort of media training.
18:07Yeah.
18:08He's like, exercise?
18:09Yeah, don't do it.
18:10It's boring.
18:11Next question.
18:12Yes.
18:13I know, it's interesting, because hasn't he proved that media training is wrong?
18:18Like, you know, he is, the media training is about playing it safe on the media, but
18:24he doesn't play it safe.
18:25He's the opposite and it seems like he's mastered the game.
18:27I also think people can just see through it.
18:29I think people like the authenticity, because people, it's like nobody ever has a conversation
18:33with another person, ever.
18:34Like, we know how we talk to each other.
18:36We know that anybody in office talks like that to other people.
18:38He just talks kind of like a human.
18:41Yeah.
18:42He likes, he doesn't like thick blood, Dagan.
18:48So, do you, where was the media when Biden was in office?
18:53He could have been doing these regular checkups and phone interviews with Biden.
18:57Improv to phone interviews, yeah.
18:58Yes.
18:59Exactly.
19:01The old coot starts taking the short staircase at the back of Air Force One, walking around
19:07and it, like, looks like Skechers all of a sudden.
19:11He's too out of it to use a microwave, because he might burn your house down.
19:17He's wandering around like he's looking for the cotton candy kiosk at a fair.
19:24And they don't say s***.
19:26They don't ask one question, the media.
19:29And this one interview, it's like headline, headline, headline, headline.
19:34CNN segment.
19:36Trump says he takes higher daily dose of aspirin than doctors recommend.
19:40Yeah.
19:41You know why?
19:42Because somebody like Donald Trump is never going to take anything that's called baby.
19:47Baby aspirin.
19:49He's not going to take a baby aspirin.
19:52Low dose aspirin is baby aspirin.
19:55It's the same.
19:56It was always called baby aspirin until the 1980s, that 81 milligrams.
20:03Now they call it low dose aspirin.
20:05You know what?
20:06He's not taking anything called low dose.
20:08He's taking the adult size aspirin dose.
20:11That's what he's doing.
20:13And they mock him for talking about it thinning his blood.
20:16It actually, that's one of the things, it works on the second part of the platelets
20:22and it prevents blood clots.
20:24You take an anticoagulant like a warfarin or like Xarelto and then you take low dose aspirin
20:32to work on the platelets.
20:34So that's why you take it.
20:36Wow.
20:37I didn't even know that.
20:39That's a lot of science.
20:41Yeah.
20:42It is a lot of science.
20:43I feel like I just listened to a Pfizer ad.
20:45I want to take some aspirin now.
20:47Michael, how's your platelets?
20:48I don't know.
20:49I think they're thin.
20:50I'm in decent shape.
20:53The thing is Hillary Clinton had a hacking call for 30 decades, for 30 years.
20:57Talking about her is like a Republican conspiracy.
20:59Biden's pants from the Pope, Republican conspiracy.
21:02But do you know who every Republican should be freaking out about?
21:04Clarence Thomas.
21:05Okay.
21:06Because Republicans are going to probably lose seats in the Senate.
21:08If you look at the actual aerial tables, he's quite old and you do not want another
21:12Ruth Bader Ginsburg on your hands where there's not going to be a position to replace him.
21:16Oh, interesting.
21:17So you're saying he should probably retire?
21:20Yes.
21:21I mean, do you want him to be replaced by another Sotomayor?
21:24Oh, no.
21:25We don't want that.
21:26But, you know, what we want is we just want Republicans to keep winning so they can keep
21:29appointing all of the Supreme Court justices, right?
21:31Isn't that what we want?
21:32Sure.
21:33That's really what we want.
21:35But you do make a good point.
21:36Yeah.
21:37Do you have a different look now than the last segment?
21:39I see something different about you.
21:40I don't know what it is.
21:41You want to borrow my glasses, Shaloo?
21:43Maybe you need to see the optometrist.
21:44I don't know.
21:45It's something.
21:46Okay.
21:47Up next.
21:48What women really want.
21:51In Greg's Romance Corner.
21:53Tonight, on Romance Corner, a recent study found women's preferences for a guy's looks
22:01vary by age.
22:02Younger women preferred clean-shaven and muscular, while older women rated beards and slimmer
22:09builds as more attractive.
22:12Hmm.
22:13That's my demographic, those older women.
22:15What do we think?
22:16Does this make sense, Kat?
22:18What do you think?
22:19I don't get, I don't think, I've never thought muscles were attractive.
22:23Like, yeah.
22:24Well, I just, I see that, and I imagine, I played the tape forward in my head of you ignoring
22:29me to go to the gym.
22:30You know what I mean?
22:31Oh, I see.
22:32It looks narcissistic to you.
22:33It's like, oh, you want to go, you want to get a pizza?
22:35And they're just like sitting there steaming a chicken.
22:37Like, ah, that's not living.
22:39Oh, yeah.
22:40I mean, your husband's a pretty tough guy, though.
22:42Oh, yeah.
22:43I mean, like, he fought in a war.
22:44Yeah.
22:45But, you know, it's just, like, the obsession, the muscles, the obsession with it.
22:49It's, it's, yeah, it's weird.
22:51A beard, no beard.
22:52I actually do like him better with a little facial hair.
22:54Yeah.
22:55I didn't know that.
22:56I, uh, Sherrod, well, you got the beard, right?
22:58Yeah.
22:59Does that surprise you?
23:00That women, as women mature, they like a guy with a beard.
23:02I just got the beard so the DA office don't recognize me.
23:04In fact.
23:05No, yeah, but, you know, you want to, you know, once you mature and you start liking different
23:11kind of women and you go from, you know, younger women to more mature women who, like, you know,
23:16have their life together, you might want to come off more, you know, Harlequin novel kind
23:21of sexier man.
23:22Yeah.
23:23Grown man.
23:24You don't want to look like a little boy like you in, you know, Bow Wow when you're trying
23:28to talk to an adult woman.
23:30You don't want to look like crisscross.
23:35This crowd don't know groups.
23:38I don't know.
23:39I don't know anything.
23:40I do.
23:41But I thought it was interesting because the older women, they like, they like the facial
23:46hair, but they also like skinny guys.
23:48The younger women, they like the muscular guys.
23:50Is this scientific or are they, does it all make sense?
23:53Quote, this is the article that y'all sent us.
23:56The younger menopausal women specifically rated feminine features and a V-shaped body
24:03as less attractive compared to women in other life stages.
24:08So we don't like low T.
24:11Right.
24:12We need some T in our men.
24:14And I don't mean like, tea bag.
24:17Yeah.
24:18I mean testosterone.
24:19It's like a late night commercial.
24:20Like I want to look at a man and say, okay, you can go out and kill me some dinner.
24:26You can go out and chop some wood to keep me warm.
24:30And you can fight off predators because I'm writing some checks that I expect you to cash.
24:37But that, so you're saying older women, older women need the T. Older women.
24:44No.
24:45All of these photos in, in these articles, all these men have no T. All, women of all ages
24:51just want a man to be able to see his own privates without a hand mirror.
24:56You come to the right place.
25:00Michael, again, I feel like there's a new look here.
25:05I don't know what it is.
25:06If she wants testosterone, this is it.
25:09That's it.
25:12Well, the thing is, if older women want the testosterone.
25:16If he's got the T, she gets the D. That's how it works.
25:18Yeah.
25:19T and a D.
25:21But it's not a good match because as men get older, then they lose the testosterone.
25:24That's why all these older women...
25:25But they don't lose at the same rate.
25:27What all these women have in common in this study is they're not looking for the specific build.
25:31They're looking for symbols of virility and health.
25:33So when guys are thin in their middle age, that means they don't have the dad bod.
25:37They do tend to have high testosterone or at least higher level of health.
25:40So it basically is the same thing as when a young guy is muscular and fit.
25:43He's in good health.
25:45It's kind of an evolutionary psychology sort of situation.
25:48I see.
25:49And the T comes in a little box and little tubes and you use one tube a day.
25:54He wants five inch tubes.
25:56Do you have to inject it though?
25:57No.
25:58Don't they?
25:59No.
26:00They don't take injections?
26:01You just...
26:02You got the injection for sure.
26:03It's a gel.
26:04It's a gel.
26:05The injection is good too.
26:06Megan, are you telling America's men they got to go on the T?
26:09Yeah.
26:10Gel.
26:11It's gel.
26:12It's a script.
26:13It's a controlled substance.
26:14But you know what?
26:15Go to your doctor.
26:16I think she was giving this out for Christmas.
26:19Coming up, are you afraid to dance?
26:26Story five words.
26:29Young people afraid to dance.
26:32Okay.
26:33Who wants at this?
26:34Kat, a recent piece in the Wall Street Journal highlighting how many young people have become
26:37hesitant to dance at concerts and clubs.
26:40They're afraid of being turned into a meme or a viral video.
26:45Oh.
26:46Yeah.
26:47Do you think...
26:48Does it make sense?
26:49Do you think people are afraid to dance for that very reason?
26:51Yeah.
26:52I think it's...
26:53Anywhere in public, it's like you're always looking around, right?
26:55Like, is somebody recording me, is somebody...
26:57It's ruined, I think, it's ruined a lot of things, actually, obsession with the phone.
27:00It's ruined a lot of concerts where if you get seated behind someone who records the whole
27:05thing...
27:06Yeah.
27:07Who then, you know, it's like you're never going to watch that video again.
27:10And then, you know, we all do stand-up comp...
27:11I mean, when you're doing stand-up, you see somebody with the phone up, it's like you're
27:14just...
27:15You're ruining this entire art form right now.
27:16Oh, yeah.
27:17You're actually ruining...
27:18It's gonna be in a moment.
27:19You've seen my act, right?
27:20Yes.
27:21I do some things on stage that I don't necessarily want people recording.
27:22You don't want them recording.
27:23Yeah.
27:24And it's like you don't want to have to be thinking...
27:25You don't want to have to be inhibited by that on stage.
27:28Everybody, put your damn phone down.
27:30We're all dying.
27:31Live in the moment.
27:32Yes.
27:33You're going out.
27:34Live in the moment.
27:35Do you say that?
27:37I do.
27:38I absolutely come out on stage and I say that.
27:40Always.
27:41And then people still do it.
27:42It's like I was also talking about you just watch the show.
27:45It's like we are so tied into our technology.
27:47We are expected to always be answering within a couple minutes.
27:50If somebody texts you, you have to answer right away.
27:52If you're at a concert or you're at a comedy show or you're at a club for some reason.
27:57And use that opportunity to put your phone away and live in the moment and be with the
28:02people that you're with or watch the show that you paid to watch.
28:05Yes.
28:06Sherrod, they are, you know, a lot of concert goers, I mean a lot of artists are making
28:11people store their phones in lockers before they do the show.
28:15Yes, they put them in the bag now.
28:16Even like the Comedy Cellar and the smaller clubs like that, they always make you lock
28:19your bag up.
28:20Oh, they do.
28:21Yeah.
28:22They make you lock your phone up before you come out.
28:23We call it the Louis C.K. rule.
28:24Yeah, yeah.
28:25So, you know, you don't want anybody to get your material out there before you could
28:28you want to work on it in the clubs.
28:29Yes.
28:30So, but as far as dancing, I'm going to dance.
28:32I'll come out dancing.
28:33I'm going to cut a rug.
28:34I think some of these young kids just so used to dancing on TikTok and be able to do
28:38it over and over again, they don't want to embarrass themselves in a one take.
28:41Right.
28:42I feel like this might be a race thing.
28:45It could be because I get it in.
28:47I don't think white people should be dancing really in public.
28:51But it makes me happy to see that.
28:52It makes you happy.
28:53It makes me sad to see white people dancing.
28:55If you watch movies and they're dancing, it's really kind of a tragic thing.
28:59I saw a concert that long ago, and the first thing the guy said on the stage is,
29:02put your phones away.
29:03You know you're not going to watch this again.
29:05Yeah.
29:06And he's exactly correct.
29:07Yeah.
29:08Like, if you're going to watch a comic, watch their special, which is edited and performed,
29:11and you're not going to look at your phone video again.
29:13It makes no sense.
29:14Yeah.
29:15And plus, because you see it, you know, at these events, they have the flashlight on their
29:20phone.
29:21Do they do that too?
29:22Yes, yes.
29:23They're taking video.
29:24I can see that.
29:25And so all they're taking is a video of some bald guy's head and they can't even see the artist on the
29:28stage, right?
29:29And a lot of times it's their glasses with their little light on it because they typically
29:32they're slick so they don't use their phone and tape.
29:34That's fine.
29:35It's like, just turn your glasses off, nerd, and be in the moment.
29:38Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, I need my glasses.
29:40Okay, we're getting away from the dancing.
29:43We don't like the fact that people are bringing phones and shooting events because they should
29:48live in the moment.
29:49But do you actually think that they're afraid to people are afraid to be caught on video
29:54dancing?
29:55Yes, because they are because they live with the throne in front of the phone.
30:01So everything that they present is phony.
30:04And if it's not phony and manufactured with filters, they don't want to be part of it.
30:11And they're scared of not seeming, well, goofy.
30:17Right, right.
30:18Like the Elaine dance for White Pable is the best dance ever.
30:24Yeah.
30:25And they're scared of letting go.
30:28So they essentially, to Kat's point, this whole generation, there are a bunch of fun
30:34sponges that can't function without this either being in front of it carefully choreographing
30:41their moves or holding it.
30:44And that, I don't understand it.
30:46Kat, when I read this article, I thought of Kat because Kat, when Kat dances, she lets go.
30:53Yeah.
30:54And Kat, and I mean this is the highest compliment.
30:58It's not pretty, yeah.
30:59Kat always said she looks like one of those inflatable things in front of a gas station.
31:08And she does, but in the best way.
31:12It is magic.
31:13It's authentic.
31:14So you're still going to, it doesn't matter.
31:16If you're in an event, you're going to dance.
31:17You don't care if somebody makes a viral video of you.
31:20Right.
31:21But I humiliate myself for a living.
31:23Like I put it, I don't care.
31:25I'm like not really embarrassable.
31:27Like I kind of, I do put it all out there, but there's also this fear of like just being
31:31out in public, having a conversation or also stand up is the same way where it's like you're
31:35filming and to be taken out of context and it doesn't matter because they'll post it on
31:38like, oh, this person was saying this.
31:39This person was saying that.
31:40Boom.
31:41Life over.
31:42Like it's, it's truly, we got to get away from it.
31:43But also I think we're too far gone.
31:45Or they could just do the Trump dance.
31:47Yeah, exactly.
31:49Well, I would think there'd be less Sherrod, less people worried about it because these kids grew
31:53up.
31:54They're all over the internet.
31:55There are videos everywhere.
31:56Like when you and I were in high school.
31:58Yeah.
31:59Like a video was a big thing.
32:00It seemed like it lived forever.
32:01Now it's just like garbage.
32:02And so many of them now you think it would get lost in the crowd of it.
32:05But I think these kids just want to be in charge of every take of it.
32:08Every angle.
32:09Yeah.
32:10Filter.
32:11They did not, they just scared to, I guess, get it unkept or like unrehearsed.
32:15Yes.
32:16But we used to live in the moment.
32:17We did the running man.
32:18Remember that?
32:19We backed that thing up.
32:20Remember that, Tom?
32:21That was, I was always running.
32:22The bus driver?
32:23Yes.
32:24All right.
32:25Up next, viewer mail.
32:28You're watching Mailing It In.
32:34Mailing It In.
32:36First question.
32:37Snacker King asks, if you had to get a tattoo tomorrow, what would it be?
32:42Michael Malice, what do you think?
32:43If you had to get a tattoo?
32:45I had one succulent and now I have 400 in my house.
32:48So I already know what the first five would be, which is why I'm not getting any, which
32:51is blueberry on my left shoulder, bat mite on my right shoulder, an anglerfish on my hip,
32:56and the apple of discord on my back.
32:58So we're not going down this road.
33:00I'm waiting until I start getting sleeves.
33:02You've really thought this out.
33:03Yes.
33:04Dagon, if you had to, if you had to get a tattoo tomorrow?
33:09One of my dead dog's names on my foot.
33:13Mabel.
33:14Okay.
33:15Mabel.
33:16And why the foot?
33:17You don't want anyone to see it?
33:19That's the foot you use the kicker with?
33:21Oh.
33:22Dang.
33:23Actually, you know what?
33:26Your foot, it's really painful and that's kind of what I'm into.
33:29Oh.
33:30Oh, jeez.
33:31Hello.
33:32The foot hurts.
33:33I'm kidding.
33:34For the tattoo.
33:35Okay.
33:36Okay, Sherrod?
33:37What tattoo I would get?
33:38Yeah.
33:39QR code.
33:40But I'm going to get a tramp stamp.
33:43So that's on your back?
33:46That's lower back.
33:47Now, where would the QR code deliver you to?
33:50That'd probably be Grubhub or something.
33:52People, people.
33:55Sherrod, I'd lose my appetite if I had to point the QR code.
34:00To your lower back.
34:02That's the purpose.
34:03Everybody gets to lose weight.
34:04Yeah.
34:05You have thin blood.
34:07All right, Kat.
34:09Had to get a tattoo.
34:10Do you have any tattoos?
34:11Yeah.
34:12My nipples.
34:13Oh, wow.
34:14They are...
34:15Yeah, they are...
34:16So they're...
34:17Go to commercial.
34:20But you did.
34:21I mean, that's real.
34:22You did.
34:23I have two tattoos.
34:24Yeah.
34:25Yeah.
34:30But that's not news.
34:31You've talked about that.
34:32Yeah, I've talked about that.
34:33Yeah.
34:34But that's the way...
34:35That's the way it's done.
34:36These are my first and only tattoos are my two nipples.
34:38And they look great.
34:39Well...
34:40Oh, now here's a...
34:43Here's a question for it.
34:45So when you do that, is it a special...
34:46Yes.
34:47Is it like a doctor tattoo artist?
34:48Oh, it's a...
34:49You just go to a tattoo guy.
34:50I went to a guy.
34:51His name's Vinnie Myers.
34:52He's in Maryland.
34:53He's the best.
34:54Yeah, he...
34:55All he does is tattoo nipples.
34:56Oh, yeah.
34:57Yeah, Vinnie with the tattoos.
34:58I know him.
34:59Yeah.
35:00Yeah, tattoo Vinnie.
35:01No.
35:02Nipple tattoo, we call him.
35:03Our very...
35:04Our very own Jennifer Griffin took me.
35:05And it was my first time hanging out with her.
35:08Wow.
35:09And she has the...
35:10Yeah.
35:11Wow.
35:12It was a magical day.
35:13This is fantastic.
35:14And on that note, America...
35:16Second question.
35:17Second question.
35:19Hanks Please asks, do you watch yourself on TV?
35:26Oh, this is interesting.
35:27Do you watch yourself on TV, Sherrod?
35:29Yes, but only when I was on an episode of Cops.
35:32Yeah, I'd like to see me with no shirt and a knife.
35:37Yelling Mandani.
35:39Cat, do you watch yourself on TV?
35:43No.
35:44No.
35:45I hate it.
35:46So you don't get to watch Gutfeld ever then, basically?
35:47No.
35:48I mean, so I've been doing this for, what, like 11 and a half years now?
35:52Yeah.
35:53I don't know how many episodes that is.
35:54It's a lot.
35:55But there maybe have been like five where I felt like comfortable being in the room with
35:58it on because I didn't feel like I messed anything up.
36:00Yeah.
36:01All the rest, I'm like, ah, that thing I said shouldn't have said that or, oh, I should
36:04have said this.
36:05Yes.
36:06Or just watching myself.
36:07I'm like, ugh, she's so annoying.
36:10Michael Malice, do you watch it?
36:12Will you watch this episode on your DVR?
36:14I don't know what that is.
36:15To Sherrod's point, the only thing I watched of myself was when I was on Cash Cab.
36:21Okay.
36:22And I won.
36:23Yes.
36:24With Ben Bailey.
36:25You know what?
36:27And I have, they give you fake cash, it's like President Beaumont, and I have it framed
36:31in my living room.
36:32Oh, wow.
36:33Ben Bailey's a friend of ours who hosts Cash Cab.
36:35Ben Bailey was the host of Cash Cab.
36:36I was trolling him the whole time to the point where he yelled at me at the end.
36:40They censored it all out.
36:41I took that, I said, I got the cash at the end, I go, this is all going up my nose.
36:45They cut that too.
36:46That's hilarious.
36:47But this was, Ben Bailey didn't know you.
36:49You weren't the famous Michael Malice.
36:50Correct.
36:51So I was just sticking it to him because I knew he couldn't do anything about it.
36:54Yeah.
36:55We used to get drunk in a cab at night down by the cellar, a comedy cellar, and I'd go
36:58pick people up and anything that was on the show.
37:00That's called drunk driving.
37:01Yeah, I know.
37:02That's DUI.
37:03But that's about when we can do it without Giuliani.
37:05That's right.
37:07Dagan, do you watch yourself on TV?
37:10You're actually supposed to.
37:12Yeah.
37:13It's part of the job.
37:14Yeah.
37:15Because otherwise you'd develop like tics.
37:17Yeah.
37:18Like if things develop, crutch words, facial tics, it was part, when I first started working
37:25on TV, they made you watch tape after tape.
37:28Yeah, you have to do it.
37:29It's kind of like with the stand-up.
37:30At the beginning, yeah.
37:31When you start doing stand-up, you've got to listen to your act or watch it to improve
37:36your act, right?
37:37So, you know, I don't, generally, I watch Gutville.
37:40I DVR the show.
37:41I don't watch it at night because I've got to go betty-bye.
37:43So, I go to bed at like 10, 15.
37:46So I DVR the show and I watch it in the morning with my coffee.
37:49But when I'm on, I tend to not watch the show.
37:51I've hidden under a blanket.
37:52It's hard.
37:53Yeah.
37:54It's harder to watch when you're on because you see what you're messing up.
37:57You see, even though you can improve for it, it's like this, oh, look at my stupid face.
38:01Like the blinking.
38:02And we don't need to watch because everyone on social media has been helpful to tell us
38:06how terrible we are.
38:07Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
38:08But you know what?
38:09The majority of the audience loves you, right?
38:14Don't go away.
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