Greg Gutfeld 9/8/25 FULL END SHOW | ᖴO᙭ ᗷᖇEᗩKIᑎG ᑎEᗯS Tᖇᑌᗰᑭ | SEPTEMBER 8, 2025

4 months ago

Transcript

00:00I'm really glad everybody got the memo on speedo Monday even the chicks

00:29happy Monday everyone so Joe Biden chose his home state of Delaware to open his presidential library

00:36it'll be the first presidential library to feature more men's rooms than books

00:40the Biden administration spent 11 million dollars over three years on a security detail for

00:50Hunter Biden especially on agents named Tiffany candy and peaches

00:56yeah after fierce criticism the LAPD quietly withdrew its officers from guarding Kamala Harris

01:05and already she's missing her favorite officer Captain Morgan

01:14he's too easy MTV's video music awards aired last night security was tighter than Jessica Simpson's face

01:26I know I haven't seen skin stretched like that since I made those bongos out of a drifter

01:33that's Charlie and Steve

01:37for the second time Treasury Secretary Scott Besant reportedly threatened to punch another Trump

01:49advisor his temper has become so legendary he's earned the nickname Dana Perino

01:54Iceland's Thor Bjornsson

02:00set a new world deadlift record by lifting

02:041,124 pounds beating the previous record held by

02:09whoopi's rickshaw driver

02:11yeah

02:14all right

02:18you know he's Thor

02:21yeah

02:24over the weekend President Trump denied that he's planning on going to war with Chicago

02:30too bad

02:31too bad I hate their music

02:34yeah

02:37shout out to Peter Cetera

02:40is that his name?

02:42Cetera

02:42who cares?

02:43why are you listening?

02:45that was just to me

02:46on Friday Rosie O'Donnell suggested there was something fishy about the assassination attempt on Trump

02:52well if there's anything

02:53anyone who knows something about being fishy

02:56you don't even know what I'm going to say

03:01if there's anyone who knows something about being fishy

03:08it's a whale with crabs

03:11you didn't see that one coming

03:13and finally Charlie Sheen said he began having sex with men while on crack

03:19that's the problem with smoking crack

03:22you just want more crack

03:24yeah

03:28for him

03:29two and a half men was Saturday night

03:31shut up

03:37all right

03:39monologue

03:39so the president continues to prove one thing

03:43Donald Trump

03:45we don't deserve him

03:48you're going to love this

03:55the White House plans to deport the Maryland dad

03:58to Eswatini

03:59it's a tiny nation in Africa

04:06that sounds completely made up

04:08like Narnia, Atlantis, or Palestine

04:11it's got to be one of the funniest things Trump's done so far

04:22he's doing exactly what anyone would do

04:24but with comic flair

04:25we may never see a funnier White House

04:28and I mean intended humor

04:30not this slapstick crap

04:32but this hilarity always comes with common sense action

04:40Kilmar doesn't get to decide where he's deported

04:43this isn't Expedia

04:44the Maryland dad's getting what he deserves

04:48a one-way trip to somewhere even more dangerous than Baltimore

04:51if that's possible

04:52he was supposed to go to Uganda

04:55but objected because he was scared they'd persecute or torture him

04:59he says he fears persecution in 22 different countries

05:02I have the same problem

05:04except it's for my success with the ladies

05:06thank you for the applause

05:10it's a claim the White House calls hard to take seriously

05:14like when a woman says she's a pilot

05:16a sexist would say

05:18look, I know, I agree

05:21look, if Trump really wanted to torture this guy

05:24you could send him to Afghanistan dressed as a goat

05:27and come on

05:31no one in these countries even knows who this guy is

05:35they're more worried about tuberculosis or AIDS

05:39or if their village is invaded by elephants

05:42so

05:43how did that picture get there?

05:48so Trump mocks Kilmar's demand

05:50sending him to a place that looks at indoor plumbing

05:53the way we look at the Jetsons

05:54a country where the NFL sends T-shirts

05:59with the losing Super Bowl team on them

06:01no wonder their cities look like

06:04like a convention of Bills fans

06:10but don't worry Kilmar

06:11we research some fun facts to familiarize you with your new home

06:16in 2018 King Maswadi III renamed the country from Swaziland

06:22to the kingdom of Eswatini

06:24why?

06:25because he could

06:26he's king

06:27and Maswadi I and II

06:30they didn't have the balls

06:31this king has supreme authority over legislature and laws

06:36think of Queen Elizabeth I

06:37only with a penis and a tan

06:39the king seen here

06:44to my left

06:45currently has 15 wives

06:48the guy before him had 125

06:50the downside

06:51life expectancy there is only 57

06:54it's one of the lowest in the world

06:56but kind of a blessing when you have 125 wives

06:59I mean

07:00hell when that time of the month rolls around

07:03holy

07:04you're booing nature

07:07but kings can select a new wife

07:10at the annual reed dance

07:12an event that celebrates virginity

07:14here we call that Joe Mackie Day

07:16yeah

07:18and it's way more fun

07:21than the joy reed dance

07:23which men watch

07:25as a form of birth control

07:26so Eswatini is a funny solution

07:30but remember it didn't start out as a joke

07:32the Maryland dad is a white beating gangbanger

07:34known for human smuggling

07:35in other words

07:36the perfect pinup for Democrats

07:38who get horny for Luigi Mangione

07:40but want to wank to something more ethnic

07:43a real piece of human garbage

07:47and it's about time we have a White House

07:49who treats him as such

07:50unlike the Dems who fellate the worst people on earth

07:53as long as they're against anything Trump

07:55and now they're even taking the sides of drug cartels

07:58last week Trump obliterated 11 narco terrorists

08:02turning them into a finer powder

08:03than the drugs they were shipping

08:05yeah

08:07I'm surprised Hunter didn't swim

08:14to the blast site

08:15with a snorkel up his nose

08:17when J.D. Vance applauded the move on X

08:22the left winger called it a war crime

08:24but the VP responded

08:26I don't give a s*** what you call it

08:28now

08:30all right

08:32lots of applause today

08:34now which White House do you prefer

08:37one with a veep who doesn't give a crap

08:39or a president with a diaper full of it

08:41fact is

08:43cartels shouldn't be allowed to profit off dead Americans

08:46and criminals shouldn't be terrorizing our nation's cities

08:49the fact that Dems think these things are even up for debate

08:51shows how nuts they become

08:53meanwhile as he plans to crack down on Chicago's crime

08:56Trump posted this meme

08:58now

09:03you're alive today

09:07of course the uh the braindead media must ask

09:11are you trying to go to war with Chicago?

09:13are you trying to go to war with Chicago?

09:16when you say that darling that's fake news

09:19well why one of the department of defense

09:20listen be quiet listen

09:22you don't listen

09:23you never listen

09:24that's why you're second grade

09:26we're not going to war

09:28we're going to clean up our cities

09:30we're going to clean them up

09:31so they don't kill five people every weekend

09:33that's not war

09:34that's common sense

09:36yeah

09:36and if you disagree

09:43well you can always join the Maryland dad

09:46and don't let the Statue of Liberty

09:49smack your ass on the way out

09:51let's welcome

09:53here he is

09:54yes

09:56when it comes to making a crowd laugh

10:01he's handsome

10:02comedian Chris DiCepano

10:04she's got media skills and loves the bills

10:10Republican strategist Aaron McGuire

10:12he can destroy a hoax and gives lib strokes

10:18former Trump advisor Steve Cortez

10:21and she's the mother of the year

10:25if the year was 1125

10:28New York Times best-selling author

10:31Fox News contributor Kat Chubb

10:33Chris it's great to see you

10:40it's been months

10:41you too you look good

10:42are you on Moonjaro or something?

10:43yes I am

10:44you do you look nice and fit

10:45yes I'm on the suppositories

10:47oh

10:48I can still eat

10:49oh you're disgusting

10:50what do you make of this

10:53sending this dude to

10:54whatever that name was

10:55what do you call it again?

10:56Swatini Bill?

10:57Swatini

10:57I think

10:58I mean obviously

10:59I don't know how they came up with that one

11:01what I'm hoping happens

11:02is one of these like

11:03TikTok influencers

11:04goes over there to protest

11:06and make a stand

11:07and then just get eaten by cannibals

11:08just

11:09her head on a selfie stick

11:12some of these countries

11:14do have to get like a PR crisis firm

11:16on this cannibal thing

11:17you know because everybody just assumes

11:19it's no we're not cannibals

11:21that was 10 years ago

11:22yeah

11:22no I'm into it

11:24I do I practice a keto diet

11:26oh really?

11:27yeah I'll eat a person

11:28I'll eat you

11:29I would have eaten you last year

11:30but now you're too skinny bitch

11:32you would applaud that

11:39so Aaron

11:41isn't it kind of funny

11:43that there's

11:44I love how the Trump administration

11:47it solves problems

11:48but they do it in a funny way

11:50they could have sent him anywhere else

11:51but Swatini's hilarious

11:52listen

11:54don't call Donald Trump's bluff on anything

11:56the man has not blinked at all

11:58and certainly not

11:59when it's come to national security issues

12:01this man has had an adjudication process

12:03and he has won the lottery

12:05to go to Swatini

12:06because he kept saying

12:07I'm scared of this country

12:08I'm scared of this country

12:09this is the man that Democrats

12:11made their martyr

12:12by the way

12:13they went

12:14Swatini is about to become

12:15the 2028 Dem hot spot

12:18if you're trying to run soon

12:19they're all going to be out there

12:21saying hi to him

12:22talking about how the Maryland man

12:23needs to come home

12:24but in fact here

12:26this man was such a bad criminal

12:28that he said in 22 countries

12:30I'm not safe

12:31yes

12:31at that point

12:32maybe he is the problem

12:33and we should just get him out

12:35as quickly as possible

12:36that is such a good point

12:37he argued against his own case

12:39yeah Trump wants to send him

12:42a Swatini

12:43Van Hollen wants to make him

12:45a Martini

12:45what about that

12:47nailed it

12:48what about that

12:49that was great

12:50I don't know though

12:51I think I'm not that safe

12:53in a lot of countries either

12:54but that's just because

12:55I'm a woman

12:55and I'm getting a little too old

12:56for sex slavery

12:57don't put yourself down like that

13:01oh you think I'm still young enough

13:02for sex slavery

13:03yes

13:04yes

13:04everybody

13:07you are

13:07thank you

13:08I think that's the nicest thing

13:10you've ever said to me

13:11yes yes

13:11don't ever think

13:12you're not good enough

13:13for sex slavery

13:13ever

13:14you are good enough

13:15you are good enough

13:18thank you

13:18dear Fox News

13:20how dare you make

13:21I'm adding that to my

13:21morning affirmation

13:22are you happy

13:25with this outcome

13:26well I think it's funny

13:28that so many people

13:28have such strong opinions

13:30about Swatini now

13:31as if any of us

13:33have ever heard of it

13:34before whatever

13:35a day ago

13:36yeah

13:36every single person

13:37in media googled

13:38Swatini pronunciation

13:39five minutes before

13:40they went on the air

13:41and Wiki

13:42myself included

13:44yes

13:45but that's just what

13:48media is right

13:48you have to have a strong

13:49and sensitive opinion

13:50and when it comes to

13:51Trump like the

13:52Chicagoland thing

13:52I think that's something

13:53that people need to do

13:54or I don't know how

13:55they've not learned to do

13:56by now

13:57when it comes to

13:58Trump which is different

13:59from all other presidents

14:00when he seems to be

14:02suggesting doing something

14:04is he suggesting doing it

14:05or is he doing a bit

14:07yes

14:07because a lot

14:08like a lot of times

14:09he's just like doing a bit

14:10that was just a meme

14:11a funny meme

14:12and they go

14:13oh my god

14:13he's declaring war

14:14but that's

14:15I thought you meant

14:16like him picking

14:17Swatini was just a bit

14:18I think it might be

14:20like it also kind of is a bit

14:21that's hilarious

14:22you have to ask that question

14:23is this a bit

14:24what part of this is a bit

14:26is there a kernel of something

14:27he's really doing

14:28what part of this is a bit

14:29yeah it's almost like punked

14:30it's like a breako

14:32must go like

14:33where's where's Ashton Kutcher

14:34am I being pranked

14:36remember that show

14:37shut up

14:38we don't have time

14:40to have this conversation

14:41we'll do it later

14:42Steve

14:42has Trump become

14:45like a walking

14:46disincentive

14:47do you know what I mean

14:48like everything he does

14:49and says

14:50sends a message

14:50don't mess with me

14:52don't come here

14:53for sure

14:53and by the way

14:54you know where it's working

14:54in a real tangible way

14:55is self-deportations

14:57we now have well over

14:58a million self-deportations

15:00and climbing

15:00and counting

15:01you know to your point

15:02right

15:03of the serious

15:03ramifications

15:04it's not just the fact

15:05that he also entertains us

15:06like crazy

15:06and you know

15:07to connect these two stories

15:08I think Eswatini

15:09is probably a lot safer

15:10than Chicago

15:11quite frankly

15:12okay

15:12and I listen

15:14I speak of personal experience

15:15I raised a family

15:16for 25 years in Chicago

15:17left largely because of crime

15:19so this is a very personal story

15:21for me

15:21it became totally unsafe

15:23our street had private

15:24armed security

15:26private armed security

15:27not in the third world

15:28in the middle of the United States

15:29now most streets of course

15:30can't afford that

15:31in Chicago

15:32so they just have to deal with this

15:33by the way

15:33speaking of

15:34connecting more stories

15:35in terms of Kilmar

15:37going to Eswatini

15:38perhaps we can offer him this

15:39he has to do an octagon cage match

15:42against Secretary Besant

15:44at the White House

15:46for the MMA fights

15:47if he can hang for five minutes

15:48with Scott Besant

15:49with Secretary Savage

15:50then he can stay a little while longer

15:52and doesn't have to go to Eswatini

15:53do you think Besant's a wild man

15:56he's very sophisticated

15:58but then he likes to throw down

16:00he's an angel in the daytime

16:02but a devil at night

16:03oh I like that

16:04just came up with that

16:06thank you

16:07you're really awesome

16:08thanks

16:09up next

16:10another baseball snatcher

16:13it's another brawl over a stupid ball

16:19our video of the day comes from a recent major league baseball game where the fight for a home run

16:23ball led to a nasty confrontation between an angry woman and a loving father watch

16:29the ball hit the fan

16:32oh the Phillies fan came in

16:36and she she's

16:37he stole it from another Phillies fan

16:40oh she can't believe it

16:42whoa

16:42oh

16:43oh

16:44oh yeah

16:46yup

16:47we have a little infighting here

16:51you know he did give it

16:52to

16:53what

16:54no I'm kidding

16:56she was apparently booed out of the stadium

16:58while she continued to accost other fans

17:00and flip up the entire crowd

17:01thankfully though

17:02the team's made

17:03which is great for his family

17:04who will use the bat

17:05to defend themselves

17:06when they get back

17:08to Philadelphia

17:10because it's not political

17:12it's fun

17:12and then everybody in social media

17:14has to go after this woman

17:16but that feels a little dirty too

17:18I don't know

17:18where do you stand?

17:19I think there's a balance to it

17:21one

17:21as my mother always said

17:23adults will teach you

17:24who you want to be

17:24and who you do not want to be

17:26this woman is a perfect example

17:28of an adult

17:28no one should want to be

17:30when they grow up

17:31you accosted a man

17:32for giving a baseball

17:33to his son

17:34this woman

17:35yeah

17:35you know what

17:36that was a bad move

17:37does she deserve to have

17:38her entire life

17:39they don't even chase people out

17:41who urinate on other fans

17:42yes

17:42you can get

17:43no I think that's just

17:44the corner of the internet

17:45you're on

17:46maybe that was a deep fake

17:49the producers will remember

17:51the horse thing

17:51but anyway

17:52Steve

17:53I kind of thought

17:54the father

17:55he acted weird at the beginning

17:56when he went like this

17:57like he saw a spider

17:58in his underwear

17:59right

17:59but everything gets worse

18:02but in this case

18:03he de-escalated it

18:04this woman

18:05I think what we're missing

18:05is this woman

18:06is a Philadelphia sports fan

18:08so as a Phillies fan

18:09she probably celebrated

18:11winning the ball

18:12by going home

18:12and burning down

18:13her own home

18:13yeah

18:14sports joke

18:16got it

18:19yeah

18:22but her life

18:23is going to be ruined

18:25say that again

18:25producer

18:25in 2018

18:29and she has

18:31the exact haircut

18:31I had when I was

18:32eight

18:33that is

18:34a number six

18:35at the lemon tree

18:35yeah

18:36but I hate her

18:38I hate the Phillies

18:39they misidentified

18:40the woman earlier

18:41and this poor lady

18:42had to come out

18:43and say

18:43she wasn't

18:43but it does

18:44we do have this weird

18:45revenge lust

18:46you know

18:47when we're online

18:48it's like

18:48there are people

18:48on

18:49what day was that

18:50a Saturday

18:50I think

18:50people are trying

18:51to find out

18:52it's like

18:52you gotta go outside

18:53go outside

18:54get away from that

18:55get away from that

18:56to be fair

18:56you were inside

18:57reading it

18:57yes I was

18:58making judgments

19:01writing

19:01coming up with

19:03segments based on

19:04this stuff

19:04I'm the real hero

19:05but I never get any

19:06balls from anybody

19:07all right

19:09up next

19:11Lala's thugs

19:12run amok

19:13I

19:16I

19:18NAMASKAR

19:18SHATIYO

19:19Jai Sri Krishna

19:21RADY RADY

19:22AAPKE

19:24AAPKE

19:25YOOTUBE

19:25CHENEL MEN

19:26AAPKE

19:26SABHIKA

19:26HRDIC

19:27SWAGAT

19:27AAPKE

19:28HABINANDAL

19:29AAPKE

19:30AAPKE

19:30KUSHIN RAYEGA

19:31AAPKE

19:31PADNAY

19:33KASAL KE

19:34VIKAS

19:35KI

19:36KINI

19:38AAPKE

19:38DOW

19:38VIKAS

19:39KUJAYO

19:40KUJAYO

19:57बच्चों में सार तक अधिक बने रहे, पढ़ाई की सरुवात किताबूं से होने चीए,

20:15पढ़ना, सीखने की सुरुवात, पलेक्ष कार्ड, चार्ट या लकड़ी के अक्सरों जैसे शामगरी से करने के वज़ाएं किताबूं से करना ज्यादा अच्छा रहता है,

20:36कैयों की, आगे चल कर, भी किताबे ही मदद करती हैं, मनुशे की,

20:52दोनु ही प्रिक्रियों में अनेक समानताई हैं, जो इन्हें एक दूसरे के पुरक्स बनाती हैं,

21:07यह दोनु कार यह उदेश से पुर्ण हैं, पढ़ते समय पाठ ठक अर्थ निर्मित करते चलता है, इसी प्रिकार की लिखते समय लिखने का वाला वर्ष अर्थ का निर्वान करते चलता है,