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Gutfeld! 12/3/25 Greg Gutfeld FULL END SHOW | ᗷᖇEᗩKIᑎG ᑎEᗯS Tᖇᑌᗰᑭ December 3, 2025
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00:00Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, oh stop, stop, and thank you, and
00:21don't forget on your way out help yourself to a free orphan, happy Wednesday everyone.
00:28So a new book claims that legendary actress Marilyn Monroe was actually murdered.
00:32The author recently came to this conclusion after studying one of the last photos ever
00:37taken of her.
00:45The IRS plans to determine if only fans whose online creators monetize adult content should
00:52be taxed on tips.
00:55And since the agency will be reviewing hours of X-rated content, they've already hired
00:59hundreds of agents who can type with one hand.
01:05A new study claims that smelling a person's flatulence can help prevent Alzheimer's.
01:17But I guess it doesn't work for everyone.
01:20Who did that study?
01:24Who pitched the idea?
01:29At a recent robotics conference, a new android moved so fluently that people thought there
01:35was an actor inside.
01:37They were quickly disproven when the robot said something smart about politics.
01:46Two dozen hot New York firefighters did a meet and greet for their new calendar.
01:54While some reporters asked questions, one journalist purposely got stuck in a nearby tree.
02:07That was lemonparty.org.
02:12No, that was lemonparty.org.
02:14I correct myself.
02:15Speaking of trees, earlier tonight was the big tree lighting ceremony at Rockefeller Center,
02:21which means by now it probably has been stripped and sold for parts.
02:26And finally, Trump supporters are planning a huge MAGA takeover of Disneyland on the same date as the Gay Days celebration.
02:38Or as Lindsey Graham calls it, a win-win.
02:41It's a good joke.
02:46It's a great joke.
02:47We love Lindsey.
02:48All right.
02:50So while the Trump administration wipes out drug boats, the media's latest fraud emerges from the depths like a famished Joy Behar chasing a school of mackerel.
03:01It's the coke boat hoax.
03:03As you know, the military struck a drug-filled cartel boat heading to the U.S.,
03:07then struck it a second time, killing the remaining terrorists.
03:10For some reason, that second shot was the war crime, which confuses me.
03:15I have to be honest.
03:16They're mad that we didn't kill them the first time.
03:19It's an odd lesson.
03:20It's like saying you can go to an all-you-can-eat buffet, but you can't go back for seconds.
03:29Now, the Washington Post is accusing Pete Hegseth of a war crime, claiming he finished off the remaining creeps on purpose.
03:35But it shouldn't shock you that the people who brought you Russiagate were heavy on speculation and light on reality,
03:41because even the New York Times is calling the story fake, saying Pete ordered the strikes, but he didn't say kill survivors.
03:48I know.
03:49It's the New York Times.
03:50I immediately checked to see if The View was booking a trip overseas, because apparently pigs do fly.
03:58You people.
03:59Here's Pete himself.
04:03We've had a bit of a pause because it's hard to find boats to strike right now, which is the entire point, right?
04:16Deterrence has to matter, not arrest and hand over and then do it again.
04:20So you didn't see any survivors, to be clear, after that.
04:23I did not personally see survivors, but I stand because the thing was on fire.
04:29It was exploded in fire or smoke.
04:31You can't see anything.
04:32You got digital.
04:33This is called the fog of war.
04:35The fog of war, something the media rarely experiences, unless, well, you count the cloud Jerry Nadler releases after his morning Taco Bell.
04:45But really, everything they see is through the fog of Trump.
04:50Do you believe it amounts to a war crime?
04:52Under the facts?
04:53Yes.
04:54If the facts are, as have been alleged, that's a stone cold war crime.
04:59It's also murder.
05:00This is clearly a war crime.
05:03Some people are calling a war crime.
05:05It's flat out murder, and anyone that acted on those orders could be held on war crimes.
05:10Yeah.
05:11So now The View are experts on war crimes.
05:15Sorry, the closest these broads have come to war was when they once launched a frontal assault on a cheesecake factory.
05:22That was their Mogadishu.
05:29And now that these b****** realize they're down to the last bite on the hoax apple, what do they do?
05:35They become the victim.
05:36Mark Kelly says he's getting violent threats after Trump called him out.
05:40I hate to say it, pal, but in a country with 370 million people nearly all on the Internet, it's par for the course.
05:47Hell, I bet Steve Doocy got more threats than Kelly after he put out his last cookbook.
05:54Hell, I get four threats a day, and those are just from one ex.
06:01Now, do you really buy that any of these hacks actually care about who's being killed?
06:05They didn't care about the gangs when they terrorized their cities, when people were murdered, kids trafficked, women thrown in front of trains.
06:12They didn't report on the border until their political lives depended on it.
06:16And now they care.
06:17But as usual, the victims they choose to care about aren't the same as ours.
06:22They worry about the terrorists, except now they're no longer terrorists.
06:27There is no such thing as a narco terrorist.
06:30People on a boat in the middle of the Caribbean carrying cocaine are not a direct threat to the lives of our service members or Americans.
06:39Most narco traffickers are not in those boats.
06:46They pay people to do that.
06:48And usually people are not significantly involved with narco trading.
06:52It's the way they make money.
06:54So they're just trying to make a buck.
06:56You know, Trump can do anything, including getting a Democrat to come out in favor of capitalism.
07:03But that was a good joke.
07:08But let's move on.
07:10But yeah, they're just trying to make money, you know, the same way human traffickers are really just travel agents for the poor.
07:17Which gives us another reason to kill terrorists on the spot.
07:22Because we can't trust these idiots to treat them like terrorists if they live.
07:27How soon before one of the injured are transported to America and receive free margaritas and a hand job from Chris Van Allen.
07:34Yeah, you like the hand job.
07:41I mean, look at New York, where roughly 7,000 illegal migrants, including killers tied to 29 homicides, have been released onto the streets due to sanctuary laws.
07:52So if a narco terrorist was sent here, he'd be let go faster than one of my writers who makes eye contact.
07:59But they have their bloomers in a bunch for one reason, because Hegg sets fighting America's enemies without excuses or apologies.
08:07For decades, we relied on the metaphor known as the war on drugs.
08:11But it wasn't a war any more than using a spoon to remove water from a sinking ship is.
08:16So Trump thinks, has anyone truly waged a real war on drugs?
08:21Not a bad idea.
08:22I mean, they come to this country and kill our people.
08:24Seems deserving of war.
08:26And why keep fighting the endless influx of drugs when we can just turn their whole operation into a shark feed?
08:33Right, Mr. President?
08:35These people have killed over 200,000 people, actually killed over 200,000 people last year.
08:42And those numbers are down.
08:45Those numbers are down.
08:46They're way down.
08:47And they're down because we're doing these strikes.
08:50And we're going to start doing those strikes on land, too.
08:52Mmm.
08:53So I guess maybe these Democrats are correct.
08:55There is no such thing as a narco-terrorist.
08:58Well, not for long, anyway.
09:00Let's welcome the tonight's guest.
09:04He speaks with precision and supports circumcision.
09:09Host of the Ben Shapiro Show, Ben Shapiro.
09:11He thought drugs were his rock bottom until he got booked on our show, comedian Dave Landau.
09:21Wow.
09:24She's so skinny, Santa leaves her milk and cookies.
09:27New York Times bestseller.
09:28Now they're about to take care of their gadgets.
09:32Here we go.
09:33And he trims his beard with a prison road gang.
09:36Former NWA world champion host of the Planet of the Podcast.
09:44Ben, always a pleasure to have you on this show.
09:46How are you doing?
09:47Doing okay.
09:48How are you?
09:49I'm doing great.
09:50Thanks for asking.
09:51No one really ever asks me.
09:52You think they would, given the hard work I do every night just to make you people happy.
09:56But let's move on, okay?
09:57Maybe I'm bitter.
09:58So, Ben, isn't it amazing how Trump can get Democrats to end up defending anything?
10:03And now it's like, they're not terrorists if they're on a boat.
10:06Yeah, it is definitely entertaining.
10:09Yeah, I think that the Trump administration should encourage the Venezuelans to send fetuses
10:14to ship the drugs.
10:15Because that way, when he hits it with a Hellfire missile, the Democrats are just happy.
10:18Nicely done.
10:19Ah.
10:20Yeah.
10:21Ah.
10:22Yeah.
10:23Huh?
10:24Yes.
10:25Very well done.
10:28Wore a little pro-life joke into there, Dave.
10:32When I look at you, I'm never pro-life.
10:35My mother said the same.
10:38Do you think this logic, and again, it's a war crime, that does the second strike matter
10:48if the first one is supposed to be lethal?
10:51I mean, they're saying, like, you didn't kill him the first time, we're not going to
10:53let you kill him again?
10:54That's the part I don't get.
10:55Like, you went to kill a bunch of people, and then you're like, but you didn't see if
10:58they were okay.
10:59And then you tried the second time?
11:02Wait, is it only the first shot works?
11:05Like, is there a rule to that?
11:07I don't know.
11:08Again, it's like going to an all-you-can-eat buffet, but they say you can only go up once.
11:12Well, then I'm going to just eat everything.
11:13Right.
11:14And why does the view matter?
11:17Like, whoopie only wants the military locked up because she's the predator.
11:26And that entire panel only wants drugs coming in because, I mean, let's be honest, you can
11:38only watch that show if you're high on fentanyl.
11:41And I've been, look, I've definitely been, if someone told me we're going to be in the
11:46Caribbean and there's a boatload of coke coming, many times in my life I would have been really
11:50excited.
11:52But this is a time where, you know, it's more severe and we've got to take care of it.
11:57So if we're, if the goal is to kill them, kill them.
12:01Yeah.
12:02There was a game called NARC I used to play in the eighties.
12:04It was an arcade game.
12:05Do you remember it?
12:06Yeah.
12:07You killed NARCs and you got points.
12:08Let's do that.
12:09Yeah.
12:10I don't understand why there are no law, like why the Democrats once again are, are like
12:18freaking, freaking out about what you call things.
12:22Hmm.
12:23Yeah.
12:24Was that directed at me?
12:25No, I always stare.
12:26No, I was at the person behind you.
12:27I don't know.
12:28Yeah.
12:29I definitely see your point about Democrats and the hypocrisy and I definitely agree with
12:35that point.
12:36Um, I also am at this point considering a little bit of bombing perhaps might do my sinuses some
12:43good because get Pete Hex up in here.
12:45You guys don't like that one.
12:46All right.
12:47Um, well, I mean, listen, I, I'm, I'm with Rand Paul on this.
12:51I stand 10 toes down with him on this.
12:53I agree with everything he said about this.
12:55Um, at least that I've seen.
12:56And I think that I, that's very different than saying you agree with Joy Behar, not just
13:01cause.
13:02What did he say?
13:03Not, well, not just cause of the optics of it because he is like I am across the board
13:07concerned about, you know, or hesitant when it comes to intervention.
13:12And he's been that way across the board, not just like now, but not Obama or saying
13:16that like, I'm concerned about this, but you got a Ukraine flag in your bio and so on
13:19and so forth.
13:20So I think that that's an important distinction to make.
13:22Okay.
13:23Tyrus, what say you?
13:26I'm starting to get a little worried about this, Greg.
13:28Yeah.
13:29Cause I don't know if you remember when president Trump came on this show.
13:33My question was, Oh my God, you're right.
13:36Uh, wouldn't it be cool if you made all the drug dealers terrorists and you blew them up?
13:41You remember that?
13:42Y'all, y'all remember that?
13:44Yeah.
13:45That's a good idea.
13:46That's a good idea.
13:47That's a good idea.
13:48That's a good idea.
13:49That's a good idea.
13:50That's a good idea.
13:51That's a good idea.
13:52What other suggestions did you make today?
13:55Yeah.
13:56I made, I made a few.
13:58How many of you?
13:59I just wanted a horse from Saudi Arabia.
14:02You asked him for that too.
14:04Yes, but I didn't get the horse.
14:06But, um, here's the, here's the other thing.
14:10What, what, besides the fact that we make policy here on the gut filled show.
14:14Yes.
14:15Yeah.
14:16Put that in your pipe, Hannity.
14:17Um, what, what kills me is the response from the people who were, have a problem with
14:27this because the original was the original theory behind this was if you sunk a ship
14:32in World War II with a torpedo and the ship sunk and all the guys were hanging on the
14:37side, that's not the time where you go target practice, fellas, bomb it again.
14:42That's when you're not supposed to.
14:44It had nothing to do with how many times you hit a drug boat.
14:49This is new, this is new territory, so to speak.
14:52But when you hear them say, well, it's the best way for them to make money.
14:55It's the, like, who is in these meetings like, hey, a drug ship got blown up.
15:00We need to spin this, fellas.
15:01Who's got this?
15:02Who's going to save the drug dealer?
15:04Yes.
15:05That's the meeting.
15:06Like, we have to turn this around.
15:08I don't feel sorry for the guys getting blown up because here's the thing.
15:11In America, no one's feeling sorry for the poor kids who think they were taking an Adderall
15:15pill who took fentanyl.
15:17See, the thing, here's the lesson in it for Venezuela or drug dealers.
15:20Fentanyl is dangerous.
15:21Just being around it can get you killed.
15:23Yeah.
15:24Courtesy of the United States of America.
15:25So I think it's a good thing.
15:26Yeah.
15:27This ain't coke, you know.
15:28Is fentanyl coming from Venezuela?
15:30Have we seen evidence of that?
15:31I've seen that there's a lot of coke.
15:33Yeah.
15:34But most Americans agree fentanyl is real bad.
15:36I think the opinions on cocaine are a little more mixed.
15:39Yeah.
15:40Not if you have a mother or a son who's strung out on it or you have someone who's on heroin
15:45or whatever.
15:46I was making a joke.
15:47Sorry.
15:48Yeah, but the fentanyl and drugs are coming.
15:51Right.
15:52China.
15:53To Mexico.
15:54Through Venezuela.
15:55The part of this that is quite astonishing, though, is that the New York Times already
15:57debunked the story.
15:58Yes.
15:59Right.
16:00And so we're actually arguing over a thing that almost certainly did not happen.
16:01Yes.
16:02That sitting there.
16:03Acting like Pete was drinking a beer with his tie wrapped around his head going, hit
16:06it again.
16:07Right.
16:08Right.
16:09That he's sitting there watching.
16:11Yeah.
16:12That's right.
16:13That he's sitting there watching the end of Titanic and seeing Kate Winslet and Leo on
16:16the door.
16:17And he's like, get him.
16:18Knock those.
16:19But none of that happened.
16:20And so what you have to wonder is how tied into this is the Democratic video they put out
16:24like the week before.
16:25Yes.
16:26Saying you must disobey military orders if they're illegal.
16:29And magically they came up with a military order that may or may not be illegal that probably
16:33didn't happen.
16:34We forgot to mention how that.
16:36That is like a key point.
16:37How on the nose was that?
16:39The video a week later, this accusation.
16:42It was just it's like that's the story.
16:45But you know what?
16:46Well, and if it was the 80s and a coke boat got blown up, Wall Street would crumble.
16:50Right.
16:51That's not the same anymore.
16:54Larry Kudlow would be like, what's going on?
16:58Love you, Larry.
16:59Up next, Biden's bunny hates on Trump.
17:08Oh, bunny lady slams Trump's health.
17:12Oh, I love this story, Dave.
17:14Do you remember the staffer there?
17:16She was dressed as the Easter Bunny and she stopped to confuse Joe Biden from any to keep
17:22him from answering questions.
17:23Well, that same woman, she has a name.
17:25Of course, it's Megan.
17:28Megan Hayes went on MS Now saying that Trump is the one in poor health.
17:33Let's watch that.
17:34This is a real concern that he falls asleep during press conferences.
17:38And who is making these decisions?
17:40It seemed the last person in his ear makes the final decisions or testing that they're
17:45doing in focus groups of what targets the most hate is what he seems to say out loud,
17:49regardless if it has anything to do with the actual policy at hand.
17:53So, you know, I think that the American people are starting to see more of this.
17:56And I think that this will come to fruition in the midterms.
17:59How great is it, Dave, that MS Now has the Easter Bunny as their expert on health?
18:06It's...
18:12It's just...
18:13All of it's a dream come true.
18:15Yeah, it really is.
18:16I love that a woman, too, had to dress up like a bunny.
18:19And we say it's for Easter, but it's really because his dementia was so bad,
18:22he thought he was the mayor of Toontown.
18:27Also, whenever I see a bunny costume and Biden, I always assume it's a story about Hunter.
18:35And there's DNA in the fur.
18:37Yeah.
18:39Ooh.
18:40Yeah.
18:41Ooh.
18:42And...
18:43It could have been, like, saliva.
18:45Yeah, that's what I meant.
18:46God, people.
18:47What if she is an expert on health, and that's why they had her as the Easter Bunny,
18:51in case something happened?
18:52Oh, she's like a...
18:53New conspiracy.
18:54Undercover doctor.
18:56Under...
18:57Maybe she's, like, a surgeon, and, like, she has, like, a whole line of qualifications,
19:02and they were like, listen, we'll make her the Easter Bunny in case anything happens,
19:06and she can handle it on the scene.
19:09She's like, yeah, she's the only person that can get close to the president.
19:12The Easter Bunny gets down and starts doing CPR.
19:15Yes.
19:16They could call it furry MD.
19:18Pulls, like, a whole surgical kit out of her bunny dress.
19:21Yes.
19:22I don't know, listen.
19:23I mean, of course I completely made that up, but wouldn't it be funny if that was true?
19:27Well, maybe she had some expertise there, Tyrus.
19:30I don't know.
19:31I think that story would have been better if you would have allowed us all to smoke weed
19:34before.
19:36Because that conversation would have went on for days and nights.
19:40We grew up the boat, sorry.
19:41Yeah, yeah.
19:42You know, I've...
19:44Are we still missing the point?
19:46They had to have somebody go disguise themselves as their Easter Bunny in front of children
19:52to keep the president from talking to children.
19:55We're not...
19:57You know what I'm saying?
19:58This isn't Jerry, the local god of entertainment, coming to do a couple magic tricks and some bunny hops.
20:05They're like, we need somebody to watch him.
20:07Yes.
20:08And we need him to be in a bunny costume because he might smell the children.
20:13Yeah.
20:14Which usually...
20:15Because she wasn't doing a great job.
20:18Watch the tape.
20:19Yeah.
20:20I lost him.
20:21I lost him.
20:22I lost him.
20:23He's going...
20:24There's too many kids here.
20:25The only thing that was missing was her throwing an egg with a smoke bomb and a team to extrapolate
20:29him out.
20:30Look at that.
20:31Go that way.
20:32Go away.
20:33Oh, there's a child.
20:34She's like, no, no.
20:35It is.
20:36It's true, though.
20:37You're right.
20:38No, no, no.
20:39She's just like, no.
20:40Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
20:41Over there.
20:42No, focus.
20:43Focus.
20:44Over there.
20:45Over there.
20:46Ice cream over there.
20:47Guys, get him.
20:48Ice cream.
20:49Who said ice cream?
20:50It's so funny.
20:51It's like, it's true, though.
20:52She wasn't the bunny.
20:53The bunny was her.
20:54Yeah.
20:55They just chose somebody to be in a bunny costume to keep him kind of like...
20:59You know she was cussing at him in that video.
21:01Like, over here, stoop.
21:02Like, you're trying to get a dog off a leash in the house.
21:04I'm mostly just disappointed in the MSNOW booker, right?
21:06Yeah.
21:07Is that the Easter bunny?
21:08Like, show up in costume.
21:09Yes.
21:10How am I even supposed to recognize you now?
21:12You show up and you say...
21:13How do we even know it was her?
21:14How do we know?
21:15Yeah.
21:16And the thing is, I didn't watch the whole clip.
21:17I don't...
21:18But I'm gonna say fairly certain they didn't ask her about the bunny experience, would they?
21:22Because that would be too embarrassing.
21:24By the way, they spent like a lot of time, I guess, up to the MRI.
21:27So they had this whole...
21:29I think that was part of the whole MRI hoax.
21:31Like, Trump has an MRI, and then they find out, oh, it's fine.
21:35And then, what do they do?
21:37I mean, she is a health expert.
21:39She knows all about chocolate eggs.
21:41Yes.
21:42Oh, wait, no.
21:44The next thing was they were talking...
21:45That was about him napping.
21:47Because he took...
21:48He closed his eyes during a meeting.
21:50That was the next thing, because the MRI was healthy.
21:52Well, she consulted with the Tooth Fairy.
21:54Yes!
21:57I love it.
21:59All right.
22:00How many pardons did she get to do with the pen?
22:02That's the question we should be asking.
22:05Meanwhile, she's dressed as a bunny trying to wrangle a guy who's introducing himself to furniture.
22:09Yeah.
22:11But yeah, he's the problem.
22:13Yeah.
22:14Trump's the problem.
22:15All right, up next, tax collectors against smuts.
22:17I have more words.
22:22IRS is now targeting OnlyFans.
22:28Cat, a story made for you.
22:30Taxes and OnlyFans.
22:32New York Times reports that IRS agents will have to watch OnlyFans content, which is based mostly adult content that's monetized,
22:40to see if it meets the no-tax-on-tips law in the big, beautiful bill, because the law excludes earnings from pornographic activity.
22:51Are you confident the IRS will know it when they see it?
22:57Why is this story made for me?
23:00Because...
23:01You're a...
23:02What are you, millennial?
23:03Yeah.
23:04You're millennial, OnlyFans, and you hate the IRS.
23:06What do I have to do with OnlyFans?
23:08You know more about it than we do.
23:10In what way?
23:11You know people aren't OnlyFans.
23:13Everybody does.
23:14Not me.
23:15Yeah, like, you know, like, of people.
23:16I only know one person, my high school gym coach, and we don't talk.
23:20Yeah.
23:22Look, um, I think that the IRS really did outdo itself here, because not only, obviously, do they take our money,
23:29but now they are taking our, you know, they take our money to pay themselves, and now they're taking our money to pay themselves to watch porn at work.
23:36Yes.
23:38Yeah.
23:40Like...
23:42But, if I make a mistake on my taxes, these people who I am paying to watch porn at work will show up at my house and take me away.
23:51Yeah.
23:52Like, what?
23:54How?
23:55Like...
23:56I mean, it's...
23:57I know how this is gonna go, too.
23:58Like, they're gonna watch, they're gonna be like, I haven't figured it out yet, I need to keep watching.
24:01Yes.
24:02There are gonna be...
24:03You know, like, I'm almost done figuring it out.
24:08Subscribing for the tax audit.
24:09Yeah, like, yeah, I don't know, I think I need to watch more, because a lot, and there are, a lot of it isn't.
24:14Like, a lot of them are just, like, lingerie.
24:17And what are they gonna...
24:18And OnlyFans, by the way, cost money.
24:20Yeah.
24:21So, is our tax money going to pay for the OnlyFans girls?
24:24Like, are they gonna subscribe using our taxes?
24:27Yeah.
24:28Or this?
24:29And as an alternative idea, how about just don't?
24:32Yeah.
24:33You'll probably want an extension for their extensions.
24:38A little play on words.
24:40Very little.
24:41Tyrus!
24:42So, here's the thing about OnlyFans.
24:43I did some research, as you know, because I am a...
24:46Researcher?
24:47Yes, I am a researcher.
24:48Do you know that you only hear about the top earners?
24:50But the median income is, like, 50 bucks or less, which means half the creators make less than 50 bucks a month.
24:57Probably means they start and they don't finish.
24:59No, it's just a lot of ugly Americans who think they're a lot cuter than they are.
25:02And they put their little pictures up, and amazingly, nobody wants to bid on them.
25:08I think this is a good idea.
25:10Yeah.
25:11I think this should happen.
25:12And I'll tell you why.
25:13If the IRS agents get hooked on porn...
25:17Oh, yes!
25:18If they get hooked on OnlyFans, if they are literally paying their salaries to subscribe or whatever the tip or whatever the hell it is,
25:27and they're continuing to do that, they'll be like, we've got to get to Tim's house and do an audit.
25:31Or, we've got to watch this 1,700 hours of porn.
25:35Yeah!
25:37Then guess what's going to happen while they're watching all that porn?
25:39They've got to eat.
25:40You've got to eat.
25:41So they're going to start eating fast food and pizza and stuff.
25:44So, and they're going to look at this, it's going to take us at least five years to get through all this porn stuff
25:49till we can track down these horrible avoiders of taxation.
25:53Mm-hmm.
25:54Which means by the time it's done, they will have no social life, no friends, be about a biscuit away from 400 pounds,
25:59and will have a heart attack long before they get to any of us taxpayers.
26:02Oh, this is beautiful.
26:03It is.
26:04Study away.
26:05While you're at it, have a cigarette on me, IRS guys.
26:10So I guess the whole point is no taxes on tips, which makes sense with bartenders and waiters.
26:16Does it make sense here?
26:17I've never been on OnlyFans.
26:19Have you ever?
26:20I don't, I wouldn't even-
26:21Look at me, Greg.
26:22No.
26:23Greg, no, you tried to be on OnlyFans, just that you weren't making enough money.
26:28Yeah, that's true.
26:29I mean, it does explain why Jeffrey Toobin applied to be in the IRS.
26:32See, they still don't remember Jeffrey Toobin.
26:36Well, to be fair, they only saw him from the waist down, Greg.
26:41Now they remember him.
26:43Yes.
26:44I always thought, you know, for years, that the IRS just sat around jacking off.
26:48And now I think that all they do-
26:52Now it's legal.
26:53Yep.
26:54Also, like, couldn't this present some, like, potential workplace issues?
26:59Yeah.
27:00Are they watching this together as a group?
27:02Yeah.
27:03Or are they watching this alone in an office?
27:06Somebody walks by your office and it's on your screen.
27:08Yeah.
27:09Or you can just say that's what you're doing when you're not.
27:12I don't know, Dave.
27:13What do you make of this?
27:14Do you have frequent OnlyFans sites?
27:16Um, I made $43 last month.
27:19I wear a Winnie the Pooh mask.
27:22There's a-
27:26There's a-
27:27I can't imagine the amount of Juergens and Kleenex that these people are gonna need to run audits.
27:32Well, Siri, I don't know-
27:34What do you use?
27:35Dave, I thought it was bunny suits.
27:38Oh, right.
27:39Bunny suits.
27:40That's what I am.
27:41I'm a furry.
27:42I don't know why they have to run audits to figure out that the cash-me-out side girl
27:45didn't become a millionaire through astrophysics.
27:48Um, but I don't-
27:50It's absurd.
27:51It's like, if you want to-
27:53If you really want to audit these people and go after them for tips-
27:56I mean, haven't you hit rock bottom at this point if you're doing this?
28:00Yeah.
28:01I mean, and I don't-
28:02I mean, I know some of them make millions, but go after it or don't, shouldn't they have
28:05said that when they were going to in the first place?
28:06Yeah.
28:07I mean, I don't really care one way or the other, to be honest.
28:10I mean, they used to have people to audit this.
28:12They were called pimps.
28:13And they took-
28:14And they took 100%.
28:19Yeah.
28:20And the IRS isn't gonna show up with five rings and knock a bitch's teeth out.
28:24Yeah.
28:25Are you saying those were the good old days, Dave?
28:28Yeah.
28:29Terrible.
28:30Iceberg Slim?
28:31Iceberg Slim.
28:32I'm telling you, yeah.
28:34All right.
28:35Non-magic wand.
28:36I'll keep going.
28:37Goldie?
28:38Not the Bishop Don Juan.
28:39Yeah, right?
28:40Tabernacle!
28:41Oh, yeah.
28:42What are you guys talking about?
28:44Watch American Pimp.
28:45You'll learn.
28:46Oh, yeah.
28:47Well, I used to bodyguard for Snoop, but Bishop Don Juan was around a lot.
28:51Very religious man.
28:53Yeah.
28:54Very spiritual.
28:55All right.
28:56Except a host.
28:57Yes.
28:58Coming up, the Nashville Hag loses.
29:04Oh, hell yes!
29:05Tonight on Hell Yes, this great Democrat Afton Bain has lost her bid for the Tennessee House,
29:15conceding to Republican Matt Van Epps.
29:17Matt Van Epps.
29:18Oh.
29:23Big cheers for Matt Van Epps.
29:26Tyrus, they say the race was surprisingly close.
29:30I think he beat her by nine points though.
29:32But it was an area that Trump won big.
29:35But it was an off-season election.
29:37Is that what you call it?
29:38It's an off-season news cycle.
29:40The fact that they are breaking, they are breaking this down.
29:43Yes.
29:44It was only nine.
29:45This is, like, I hope no one, I didn't have a parent like this, but I had friends who had
29:49parents like this.
29:50Like, playing a football game, you get blown out, and your mom's like, well, your uniform
29:54looked nice.
29:55And, you know, you did your best.
29:57And you're just like, shut up.
29:58We got smoked.
29:59I just want to be miserable for a little while.
30:00Yeah.
30:01We focus on, like, this is what everyone's talking about.
30:03You got your ass kicked.
30:05That's it.
30:06Of course, Trump won big.
30:08He won big everywhere.
30:09Mm-hmm.
30:10He, the places he lost, he still lost big.
30:13Yeah.
30:14You know what I'm saying?
30:15Like, New Jersey and New York, it was a lot closer than they thought.
30:17Yeah.
30:18You know, he won all the swing state.
30:20It wasn't like he just slipped and fell into the presidency.
30:23Like, he literally was doing the Jordan holding up the three sign with six hours left
30:29to go in the voting.
30:30Like, he wasn't worried about at all.
30:31This whole, this thing with the media is just trying to get us to pay attention.
30:35We don't live there.
30:36We don't give a .
30:38And no one's going to vote for someone who trashes their city.
30:41This is.
30:42We got to move on.
30:43Yeah.
30:44Republicans are like, this is a message.
30:45It's not a message unless you live in that city.
30:47Focus on your own stuff.
30:48New York shouldn't be cheering for anyone.
30:49Look who y'all just elected.
30:50Yeah, but, you know, it's a good point because, because, Ben, you live in Nashville, right?
30:57Or your company.
30:58Our company is in Nashville.
30:59Uh, uh, um, Daily Wire.
31:01She won 77% of the vote in Nashville.
31:03Yeah.
31:04And then she won 77% of the vote in Nashville, which just goes to show you that Democrats
31:09are not smart.
31:10Well, but the, but what does it say about cities?
31:14Like, uh, Tyrus brings up New York City.
31:16No matter how awful things are and we learn, the cities will still do this.
31:22That's exactly right.
31:23And, and this is, you know, the one indicator for Republicans that's a little bit concerning.
31:27President Trump brings out low propensity voters.
31:30President Trump is not on the ballot.
31:31Yeah.
31:32Next year.
31:33And if he's not on the ballot next year, Republicans are going to lose a lot of those low propensity
31:35voters to just not showing up.
31:37But Democrats are still showing up even for people who say that they hate the city.
31:40They hate the city.
31:41Yeah.
31:42So that's kind of a problem for Republicans and they should keep an eye on it.
31:44Yeah.
31:45That's like, that's, it's kind of like you with women who hate you.
31:48Yeah.
31:49You just love them more.
31:50Yeah.
31:51I don't know what it is.
31:52I think it was because I was abused.
31:57Wow.
31:59I think that's what it was.
32:00I think the harder she abuses the city, the more they want her.
32:03Yes.
32:04Exactly.
32:05I think that's what she's going with.
32:07Like, she just said she hates everything about it too.
32:09She said she hates the bars.
32:11Yeah.
32:12She said that she hates the music.
32:13How's this possible, by the way?
32:14Right.
32:15Natural's kind of great.
32:16It's music and drinking.
32:18Like, what's your problem?
32:19Yes.
32:20I wish I could still do one of those things.
32:23And she hates it.
32:24And it's what it's all about.
32:25She just wants to be alone with, you know, like most Democrat women in 2025.
32:30Their boxed wine and their cats.
32:32Yes.
32:35You know what?
32:37Idea for a product.
32:39Boxed cat.
32:40Oh.
32:41A box with a cat in it.
32:43Speaking of cats.
32:44What do you make of this?
32:46Do you think it's a portentous sign?
32:49Well, I also, here, I think if I was a Republican in Nashville, I would be kind of irritated
32:56also.
32:57Because of all of the people who have moved to Nashville.
33:00And I think that more people are going to be moving to Nashville.
33:04And then they vote for it.
33:05I mean, it's really hard to imagine a worse candidate than a person who is openly on the
33:11record.
33:12This is not like a leaked tape, but openly saying, I hate the city that I want to represent.
33:17Yeah.
33:18And still getting that.
33:19I would be kind of irritated and a little concerned, I think, if that were me.
33:23Well, you are, when you think about Zorani.
33:27More are going to go.
33:28Yeah.
33:29I would like to go.
33:30I don't know why we don't move this show to Nashville.
33:32Don't just say Zorani.
33:33You did a good job.
33:34It's okay.
33:35You did the best you can.
33:36Yeah.
33:37That's one of those names that we don't need to correct you.
33:40I applaud the group in the audience that no one had to jump.
33:43I hate that .
33:44You know what he meant.
33:45Yeah.
33:46When I say library, if you say library, I'm going to punch you.
33:49You know what I meant.
33:50You know what he meant.
33:51Now cheer for the man.
33:52Yes.
33:58Now give me $5 here.
34:00I think it will get worse.
34:03Yeah.
34:04It's going to get worse.
34:05Okay.
34:06Up next, Trump's lesbian nemesis returns.
34:09Trump hating Elf Ellen and her wife are reportedly coming back to the United States to escape the harsh British weather.
34:26She also got tired of the locals mistaking her for King Charles.
34:29Is that amazing?
34:30No.
34:31It's a real picture.
34:32That is not...
34:33Are you glad, Dave, that she's returning?
34:34Have you ever had any interactions with...
34:35With...
34:36No, no.
34:37I've never had the pleasure.
34:38She never mistook you for a lesbian?
34:39No.
34:40Oddly enough.
34:41That sweater, right?
34:42Yeah, I mean, right?
34:43She gives me her hand-me-downs.
34:44No, no.
34:45I've never had the pleasure.
34:46She never mistook you for a lesbian?
34:47No.
34:48Oddly enough.
34:53That sweater, right?
34:54Yeah, I mean, right?
34:56She gives me her hand-me-downs.
34:59No, no.
35:00I've never had the pleasure.
35:01I think it's funny that even she doesn't want to share a continent with Rosie O'Donnell.
35:07No, I wonder why she's leaving.
35:09I'm guessing that with all the violence you keep hearing about, like on the...
35:14What do you call the thing?
35:15The tube?
35:16The tube, yes.
35:17Yeah, and they really do not like it when strange men try to stab them with anything.
35:21Yeah, yeah.
35:26Weapons.
35:30Then they moved to England after Trump won, because they couldn't bear it over here.
35:34But see, they could...
35:35See, the thing is, they can afford to do this.
35:37They can afford to leave, and now they're coming back for the winter.
35:39But I'm sure they're going to keep their home there, and they have a home here.
35:42So it's like, when they really leave, they don't really leave.
35:45Yes.
35:46I mean, I will say that when you pitched before the break that it was Trump's lesbian nemesis,
35:50I had to check which one.
35:51Yes!
35:52Right?
35:53He's got like a bunch, and they all moved out of the country.
35:55But you've got to understand, I know plenty of lesbians who are so pro-Trump, because they're just not...
35:59Okay, you know plenty of lesbians?
36:01Yes.
36:02I don't...
36:03I just don't happen to virtue signal my lesbian affiliation.
36:07But...
36:08You just did with me.
36:09Yeah!
36:10But they're not...
36:14It's not about lesbian or gay, it's about people who are identity-driven.
36:18Right, well, I mean, again, what you see is very, very wealthy people who will say, I will move abroad.
36:23But it turns out the tax structure here is really quite nice as compared to Great Britain.
36:27And if you can afford to winter in the United States, then it's a lot easier to talk about moving out of the country.
36:32The vast majority of people who said they were going to move because of Trump are doing better because of Trump, actually.
36:36Yeah, that's true.
36:37Uh, Tyrus, should we let them back in?
36:40I mean, who's got the key to the door?
36:43Yeah!
36:44This is...
36:45The fact that we're discussing this...
36:47Look, this is how thirsty people are.
36:50You know, if they didn't have a publicist, like, alert the media that we're moving back to the United States.
36:58Have my red carpet and small dog prepared for my arrival.
37:03Who the...
37:04Like, good.
37:05Yeah.
37:06Welcome.
37:07How long's winter this year?
37:09Can we shorten it up?
37:10Get back there for those beautiful English summers.
37:13English summers.
37:14Yes!
37:16What?
37:17The color gray is greatly underestimated.
37:21Sure depresses you and makes you sad, but...
37:24Have you seen the house they live in in England is unbelievable.
37:27It could be any...
37:28It could be any country.
37:29It doesn't matter where they are.
37:31They live like...
37:32They live like they're in Malibu.
37:34Queens.
37:35Like Queens.
37:36Yeah, they live like Queens.
37:37That's not a slur.
37:38Not a slur.
37:39No, it would have been a slur if they would have been men.
37:42Yes.
37:43Exactly.
37:44I learned that from you because a lot of you guys don't know this.
37:47Greg in the green room often before teaches ruffians and monstrous toxic men like me what
37:54it is to be accepting of the...
37:55What do you call them again?
37:56The gays?
37:57Yes, the gays.
37:58Oh, thank you.
38:00Kat, are you glad they're coming back?
38:02Are you excited?
38:03More stories for us, maybe?
38:04Well, that's the thing.
38:05Speaking of the stories, I do wonder, do you think she's jealous of all the attention going
38:10to Rosie O'Donnell?
38:11It might be that.
38:12It could be that.
38:13Rosie O'Donnell moved and there's all these stories about Rosie O'Donnell.
38:16People care.
38:17People didn't even know she was gone.
38:19That's so true.
38:20That is so true.
38:22Is she doing this?
38:23And it works!
38:24She's on the show!
38:25That is true.
38:26You know what's weird?
38:27I ordered a book on quitting smoking because I want to quit vaping.
38:29Uh-huh.
38:30And on the front is, what do you call those things where people write a test?
38:33Blurb.
38:34Blurb.
38:35The blurb is from Ellen DeGeneres.
38:36Ooh.
38:37It says, I bought this book 20 years ago and I never smoked again.
38:41And I'm wondering, that is why she's miserable.
38:43So I finally figured it out.
38:48You know how everybody says she's just angry all the time?
38:50Yeah.
38:51It's because she quit smoking.
38:53Do you think that...
38:55But why does it look like she just started smoking much harder?
38:59Just her ears are smoking.
39:04She has a very weathered look.
39:07Yeah.
39:08She looks like she belongs in England.
39:10Right?
39:11She looks like she should be hiking in a moor looking for a werewolf.
39:15Or maybe solving a hallmark murder mystery.
39:20Yes, yes!
39:21Like why is she over there when she's so rich cleaning chimneys?
39:24Yes!
39:25Yes!
39:27Alright, we must move on.
39:30You can see it.
39:32It's very very very subtle.
39:34It's very subtle.
39:35The water from the sourdough mood is the fresh scent.
39:37You can see the same light.
39:39It's very subtle.
39:40You can see it.
39:41You can see it.
39:42You can see it on the sweet side.
39:43You can see it on the same light.
39:44Without a sweet side.
39:45When you get something, when you bring something to help me,
39:47I bring something deeper and bring something deeper.
39:48Because I'm a nice light.
39:49I learned a lot.
39:51I was able to get a lot of things before I was able to get a lot of things and I was able to get a lot of things and I didn't get any results.
40:00But in reality, I found a lot of things that I was able to get a lot of things.
40:07Let's take a look at these things.
40:12This is the end of all things.
40:16If you are able to get a lot of things, you can see if you are able to get a lot of things or a lot of things.
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