True love: loving me or my coping?

cupandinspiration

When you vent, do you want connection — or control? ❤️ True love is loving the authentic you while challenging unhealthy patterns.  👉 Follow for more relationship wisdom and self-growth insights.  #SelfGrowth #MarriageWisdom #RelationshipAdvice #Authenticity #CommunicationSkills #LoveAndHealing #Vulnerability #EmotionalIntelligence #HealthyRelationships #PersonalGrowth  © All rights and credit reserved to the respective owner(s).

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00:00I remember when I got married being like, I should be able to share my pain however I need to share

00:04it and just have you hear the heart of it. I should just be able to vent. And I felt actually

00:08controlled by the idea that I needed to share it right so that you would listen. There is a truth

00:15that is not, it's my job to do everything perfectly, but there is a truth that I can

00:20communicate in a way where you're not going into your reptile brain, or I can communicate in a way

00:24that sends you into your reptile brain. People who have wisdom are going to look at it through

00:28the lens of, I want to be effective. Whereas people who aren't necessarily operating out of

00:33wisdom say, I just want to be able to communicate however I want. If you play a sport, you're going

00:38to change up your techniques. If you know that that technique is going to get a better score

00:42at golf or whatever it is, you're going to change your swing up. Like nobody's trying to control you

00:47when a coach is being like, Hey, change your swing in this way, because you want to effectively get

00:52that ball into that hole or closer to that hole. You're not going to sit there and be like, stop

00:55controlling me. You're going to be like, yes, I want a better score. What do I want? Do I want

01:00my rights? I want to feel whatever I feel and I want to vent however I want to vent. And I want you

01:05to just be able to love me and hold all of the room for every expression that I have. I mean, I think

01:10that's genuinely what I wanted. And instead being like, do I want to demand somebody do something

01:16that's actually unsafe for them? Because it is. If I logically think about it, I'm like, there's a lot

01:21of ways that I communicate that would feel scary for someone else. None of us want to acknowledge

01:25that about ourselves. All of us want to be like, if you love me, you love all of me. And I just don't

01:30think that's true. I think you love the authentic me, but you don't love my coping mechanisms or the

01:36things that I do when my brain is in self-protection mode.

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