5 Non-Negotiables of Lasting Love

cupandinspiration

If you’re in a serious relationship and asking yourself, “Is this really my person?” — here are the 5 non-negotiables that determine whether your relationship is emotionally healthy and ready for long-term commitment. ❤️  These are the pillars of lasting love: • Accountability • Emotional regulation • Self-awareness • Love alignment • Willingness to grow  Follow @cupandinspiration for more psychology-based guidance on relationships and self-growth.

Transcript

00:00So you're in a serious relationship and you're trying to decide, is this the person I want to

00:04commit to long term? Let's talk about the five non-negotiables that tell you whether this person

00:09is someone you can truly build a life with. Every couple goes through what I call the discernment

00:14phase. It's that stage between I'm all in and I'm still figuring it out. And in that space,

00:20you're not just asking, does this relationship feel good? You're asking, is this relationship

00:25healthy and sustainable? So here's what I look for being a therapist for over 15 years and happily

00:31married over 15 years. Number one, emotional accountability. Do they take ownership when

00:36they mess up or do they deflect, minimize, or blame you? Repair can only happen when both people say,

00:42yeah, it was on me. No accountability equals no real intimacy. Number two, emotional regulation.

00:49How do they handle anger, stress, sadness? Do they lash out, shut down, project, or can they

00:55take a breath? Name what they're feeling, stay connected. If they can't regulate their emotions,

01:00they'll make you responsible for them. And that never ends well. Number three, self-awareness. Do

01:05they understand how their past, their family, their wounds, their patterns still show up in their

01:11present? Because if they can't see it, they'll just repeat it. Awareness is what allows growth,

01:17change, and healing to actually happen. Number four, alignment in how you give and receive love.

01:23You don't need to be identical, but you do need to be compatible. If your love language is quality

01:28time and theirs is avoidance, it's going to create pain. Healthy couples learn how to meet in the

01:33middle and tend to each other's needs, even if they're different. Number five, willingness to

01:37grow. This is a huge one. Long-term love is not about finding someone who's perfect. It's about

01:43finding someone who's willing, willing to evolve, willing to repair, willing to try again. Because

01:49relationships aren't static, you're both changing all the time. And if one person refuses to grow,

01:53the relationship stops growing. When you're asking yourself, is this my person? Don't just look for

01:59chemistry, look for accountability, regulation, awareness, alignment, and growth. That's the

02:05foundation of lasting love. That's what takes you from tension to tenderness.

02:09that's why we're not talking about relationships. So you think that we can

02:24see an alternative to the balance of the balance of the balance of the balance of the balance of

02:30the balance of the balance of the balance of the balance. And so, today you start to be

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