00:00Your girlfriend will want attention from you.
00:02You don't give it to her.
00:03She tries and then she shuts down.
00:05So that's exactly what we see with anxious attached people.
00:07So an anxious attached person will have a trigger.
00:09For example, the trigger would be,
00:11I asked somebody if we're hanging out tomorrow
00:14and they didn't get back to me.
00:16So after the trigger happens,
00:18they go into activating strategy.
00:21So those are thoughts or feelings
00:23where you start spiraling
00:25and you're thinking they're not interested in me.
00:27They met somebody else.
00:28There's something else going on.
00:29They don't like me anymore.
00:31And you really are getting into that danger zone
00:33of coming up with all these reasons
00:34why that person is going to abandon you,
00:36which is your biggest fear.
00:37So then you do protest behavior.
00:40So the protest behavior,
00:41and trust me, I've been there,
00:42is sending 10 texts in a row.
00:44Maybe it's sending 20 texts in a row,
00:46leaving an angry voicemail.
00:48So really acting out.
00:49And then afterwards,
00:50you decide to punish the person and you shut down.
00:53So you send all those texts,
00:54you send threats,
00:55and then you turn off your phone.
00:57And so you're really in this tough place
00:58where you've tried to reconnect with somebody
01:00and then you've gotten so upset
01:01that they're abandoning you
01:03that you actually pull back.
01:05And so that sort of describes
01:06what might be happening
01:07with your girlfriend sometimes
01:08where she doesn't get what she wants,
01:10it's very frustrating for her,
01:11and then she shuts down.
01:12And then she shuts down.
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