When she shuts down: The anxious attachment cycle

cupandinspiration

Ignored texts. Angry calls. Silent treatment. This is the anxious attachment spiral in action.   Learn why it happens and how to break free for healthier, safer love. Subscribe for deep insights into love and self-growth!  #AttachmentStyles #RelationshipAdvice #SelfGrowth #FearOfAbandonment #HealthyRelationships #AnxiousAttachment #RelationshipPatterns #EmotionalHealing #AttachmentTheory #BreakTheCycle  © All rights and credit reserved to the respective owner(s).

Transcript

00:00Your girlfriend will want attention from you.

00:02You don't give it to her.

00:03She tries and then she shuts down.

00:05So that's exactly what we see with anxious attached people.

00:07So an anxious attached person will have a trigger.

00:09For example, the trigger would be,

00:11I asked somebody if we're hanging out tomorrow

00:14and they didn't get back to me.

00:16So after the trigger happens,

00:18they go into activating strategy.

00:21So those are thoughts or feelings

00:23where you start spiraling

00:25and you're thinking they're not interested in me.

00:27They met somebody else.

00:28There's something else going on.

00:29They don't like me anymore.

00:31And you really are getting into that danger zone

00:33of coming up with all these reasons

00:34why that person is going to abandon you,

00:36which is your biggest fear.

00:37So then you do protest behavior.

00:40So the protest behavior,

00:41and trust me, I've been there,

00:42is sending 10 texts in a row.

00:44Maybe it's sending 20 texts in a row,

00:46leaving an angry voicemail.

00:48So really acting out.

00:49And then afterwards,

00:50you decide to punish the person and you shut down.

00:53So you send all those texts,

00:54you send threats,

00:55and then you turn off your phone.

00:57And so you're really in this tough place

00:58where you've tried to reconnect with somebody

01:00and then you've gotten so upset

01:01that they're abandoning you

01:03that you actually pull back.

01:05And so that sort of describes

01:06what might be happening

01:07with your girlfriend sometimes

01:08where she doesn't get what she wants,

01:10it's very frustrating for her,

01:11and then she shuts down.

01:12And then she shuts down.

Category

Transcript

Be the first to comment

Recommended