- hace 5 meses
KAOS agent Dietrich has decided to defect and become an informant. Although this is good news, the Chief is still concerned, seeing that no KAOS defector has ever lived long enough to testify. With the Smarts' nanny unavailable, the Chief's plan is to have Dietrich disguised as the nanny and staying with Max. The local KAOS branch hires the Exterminator (William Schallert), a top assassin (and accountant) for hire, who uses his arsenal of booby traps, arrows, and bombs to try to kill Dietrich.
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00:00THE END
00:21We should be getting a visual sighting any minute now.
00:23We should be getting a visual sighting any minute now.
00:26I just said that.
00:27What did you say?
00:28I said we should be getting a visual sighting any minute now.
00:31That's what I said.
00:33There it is, Max, the plane carrying Dietrich.
00:35See if you can get him on the radio.
00:37Right, Chief.
00:39This is Alpha Charlie calling Zebra 7.
00:42Do you read me? Over.
00:45They don't seem to be answering, Chief.
00:47This is Alpha Charlie calling Zebra 7.
00:50Do you read me? Over.
00:52We've got to make contact, Max.
00:54Dietrich is the highest ranking chaos agent ever to defect.
00:57His testimony is vital. Repeat it, Max.
00:59Dietrich is the highest ranking chaos agent ever to defect.
01:02And his testimony is vital.
01:04Not what I said, Max. Repeat the call letters.
01:07Oh, right, Chief.
01:08Uh, where are you, Zebra 7? Over.
01:11This is Zebra 7.
01:12Wait a minute, Chief. I think I've got him.
01:14Zebra 7, this is Alpha Charlie. Do you read me? Over.
01:16Zebra 7, this is Alpha Charlie. Do you read me? Over.
01:19We read you loud and clear.
01:21Dietrich is the highest ranking chaos agent ever to defect.
01:25His testimony is vital.
01:29Roger, Zebra 7. Where are you, Zebra 7? Over.
01:32Our altitude is 3,000. We are heading 479 at 275.
01:39Do you copy? Over.
01:41Roger, Zebra 7. We copy you.
01:43Zebra 7. This is Alpha Charlie.
01:50Reverse nominal pitch. Check your and down bubble.
01:55Change your heading to 468. Prepare for drop in exactly 10 seconds.
02:02What did you say?
02:04I was just giving the pilot his instructions.
02:06What did you tell him?
02:07Just told him to keep on doing what he was doing.
02:10Here it comes, Max. Right on target. He's getting ready to jump.
02:18Four, three, two, one... Bail out!
02:22Diedrich's chute just opened. It looks like a perfect drop.
02:34With the technical know-how we have today, this precision jumping is just routine, Chief.
02:41He's coming in right on the mark.
02:43That's good, Chief.
02:44Because you can always tell how a mission is going to go by the way it starts.
02:48Let's go.
02:49Let's go.
02:50Let's go.
02:51Let's go.
02:52Let's go.
02:53Oh, my God.
03:23Oh, my God.
03:53Well, Chief, I just left Dietrich.
04:17He's in maximum security.
04:19Chief, what are you doing under the desk?
04:21You must be mistaken, Max.
04:22I'm not under the desk.
04:24Well, you're not under the desk now, but you were a minute ago.
04:26Never mind that.
04:28I have a surprise for you.
04:31You're kidding.
04:33That's unbelievable.
04:35I haven't seen him in years.
04:36Mike Hiddiman.
04:37But you have the name spelled wrong, Chief.
04:39It's H-I-D-D-M-A-N.
04:41Mike Hiddiman.
04:42Great guy.
04:43I don't think you understand.
04:48Better let me handle this, Chief.
04:52What are you doing?
04:53Calling the exterminator.
04:55Hang on the phone.
04:57Max, I didn't want chaos to know this, but we discovered that there's a listening device
05:01hidden somewhere in this office.
05:03A listening device?
05:04Yes.
05:05Electronic security detected it about half an hour ago.
05:08Oh, well, you shouldn't have told that to me, Chief.
05:10You should have written it on a piece of paper and shown it to me.
05:13Max, just find a microphone.
05:15Okay, now, let's see, Chief.
05:18You've probably looked in all the obvious places.
05:21The bookcase, the lamp, the water pitcher.
05:25The water pitcher?
05:26I never checked the water pitcher.
05:27Of course.
05:28Because logically, it couldn't be in the water pitcher.
05:31So that would be the cleverest place to put it.
05:36Well, you were right, Chief.
05:37It's not in the water pitcher.
05:38No microphone.
05:39Don't worry about a thing, Chief.
05:41I'll have it cleaned up in a minute.
05:44Max, the microphone.
05:45They must have hidden it in my pocket.
05:47Wait a minute, Chief.
05:47I'll handle this.
05:54Larrabee, what are you doing?
05:56I overheard you tell Max there was a bug in the room.
05:58I wasn't referring to an insect.
06:01I was talking about a small mechanical device
06:03that's used for eavesdropping.
06:05A listening device.
06:07Oh, you mean like a bug.
06:09Larrabee, take the can back in your office and step on it.
06:12Right, Chief.
06:15Max, you know what this means.
06:21I don't think you're supposed to step in those aerosol cans, Chief.
06:28Max, we're in serious trouble.
06:30It's obvious that chaos has penetrated controlled security.
06:33Do you know what that means?
06:34This is just a wild guess, Chief, right off the top of my head.
06:37But I would say that it means that chaos has penetrated controlled security.
06:44It also means that Deepik's life is in jeopardy.
06:47That, too.
06:48That, that, that, too, Chief.
06:49Max, no chaos informer has ever lived long enough to testify against chaos.
06:54I don't understand it, Chief.
06:55There must be a place that we can hide Dietrich that's safe.
06:58We've never been successful yet.
06:59Every time we get a chaos informer, they get to him.
07:04Hello.
07:05Oh, yes, he's here, 99.
07:07Hold on just a minute.
07:07It's for you, Max.
07:09Hello, 99.
07:09What's up?
07:11Oh, well, don't worry about it, sweetheart.
07:13I'll try and fix it up, and I'll call you back later.
07:15Okay, goodbye.
07:17Anything wrong, Max?
07:18No, nothing, nothing important, Chief.
07:19Mrs. Feldman is sick, and I have to get someone to replace her.
07:22Mrs. Feldman?
07:22Who's Mrs. Feldman?
07:23Well, she's the lady that helps 99 take care of the babies.
07:26And she's sick?
07:27That's great!
07:28Oh, you know Mrs. Feldman.
07:30This is just the opportunity we've been looking for.
07:32We can get Dietrich to take her place.
07:34Now, just a minute, Chief.
07:36That's a little ridiculous.
07:36I mean, Marlena Dietrich is not going to take care of two babies at her age.
07:41One baby, maybe, but not two.
07:42Max, I'm talking about chaos agent Dietrich.
07:45Oh, well, that's different.
07:46She might take care of him.
07:48Your apartment would be the perfect...
07:49Another bug.
07:58Another bug.
08:04Max, why did you smash my cufflink?
08:06That wasn't a cufflink, Chief.
08:07That was a microphone.
08:08Of course, it's a microphone.
08:10And this is a microphone.
08:12And they were a gift from the Broadcasters Association.
08:15In solid gold.
08:27Oh, yes, sir.
08:29Oh, yes.
08:31I understand.
08:34Yes, sir.
08:35Oh, of course.
08:36Oh, you don't have to worry about that.
08:41Goodbye.
08:4537 years I've been with chaos.
08:4837 years.
08:50One informer gets away and suddenly I'm incompetent.
08:53But, Father, they can't blame you because Dietrich defected.
08:56You will find, Alex, that when you work for chaos, they will blame whoever they want.
08:59We have to find this Dietrich and silence him.
09:02We'll do that, Father.
09:03But when the time comes to bury him, will chaos give us the business?
09:07Oh, Alex.
09:08I never have to worry about you.
09:11You have a good head for business.
09:13No matter what happens, with you, the business comes first.
09:17Don't sell this coffin.
09:19If I don't find Dietrich, I'll be needing it for myself.
09:21Okay.
09:22But I'll have to have a deposit.
09:29Yes, what is it?
09:30Earl Kibbe to sue you.
09:32Send him in!
09:34Earl Kibbe?
09:35Isn't he the one they call the exterminator?
09:37That's him.
09:39Alex, you're about to meet the most cold-blooded, calculating, ruthless killer that ever worked for chaos.
09:46Are the stories about him really true, Father?
09:48I heard he was even given a contract on his own mother-in-law.
09:50He was off at $10,000.
09:52He turned it down.
09:54He turned down the contract?
09:55No, he took the contract.
09:57He turned down the money.
09:58He said it was his pleasure.
10:01Mr. Vogel?
10:03I'm Earl Kibbe.
10:05Certified public accountant, notary public, and murderer.
10:09You admit to being a murderer?
10:11I have to.
10:12It's on the card.
10:13But whoever printed up this card knows you're a murderer.
10:16Yeah, but you don't have to worry about her.
10:19Her?
10:19This was printed up by a woman?
10:22My mother-in-law.
10:23But you're a CPA and notary public.
10:25Why do you even bother to murder?
10:27Well, it's kind of hard to make ends meet on a CPA salary nowadays.
10:30My wife and I like to keep up with the Frankles.
10:32You mean the Joneses.
10:34I mean the Frankles.
10:36The Joneses are dead.
10:37I caught up with them.
10:39What's the name of the victim?
10:41Wolfgang Dietrich.
10:42Reason for execution?
10:44Informer.
10:46Informer?
10:46There's one thing I hate.
10:49It's an informer.
10:54Who did he squeal to?
10:57Control.
10:58Control?
10:59I hate him.
11:01I hate him.
11:02I hate control.
11:04I hate informers and I hate control.
11:07You hear me?
11:08I hate him.
11:09Cut that out.
11:29Let's go on.
11:30Do you do that often?
11:32Do what?
11:32How much is this going to cost me, this contract?
11:36Oh.
11:36I'll have those figures for you in just a minute.
11:45Travel expenses.
11:47Equipment rental.
11:50Hotel.
11:51Tip.
11:52Is there any special way you want the victim eliminated?
11:54We leave that up to you.
11:56But it must be done by tomorrow noon.
11:58A one day service.
12:00That's extra.
12:02Where is the victim?
12:03We don't know.
12:05Hmm.
12:06Uh, what was that last number?
12:08Finder's fee.
12:12Ten thousand dollars and fifteen cents.
12:15What's the fifteen cents for?
12:16The bullet.
12:17Ten thousand is a little high.
12:20Besides, how are we going to explain this added expense to chaos?
12:23Perhaps for five hundred dollars in his own pocket,
12:27Mr. Kibbe will alter the books so chaos will not notice it.
12:31Alter the books?
12:33That's dishonest.
12:34That's against every principle and business ethic.
12:36No CPA would do such a thing.
12:38Where do you think I am?
12:39I'll make it a thousand.
12:41I'll take it.
12:42Well, I'm all set to go to my mother's, Max.
12:44Are you sure you'll be all right?
12:46Of course I will, 99.
12:47Don't worry about a thing.
12:48This will all be over by tomorrow afternoon.
12:51Max, what's that?
12:53Max, there must be a fire in the building.
13:03A fire engine just pulled up.
13:04It's no fire, 99.
13:05That's the chief.
13:06He's bringing Dietrich over.
13:07In a fire engine?
13:08Yes.
13:09Well, we didn't want to take any chances.
13:10We were afraid that maybe a chaos agent might be lurking in the hall or on the stairway.
13:14But I don't understand.
13:15Oh, hi, chief.
13:16Max, all set?
13:17Yes.
13:18Where's Dietrich?
13:18Right behind me.
13:19Well, I guess I'd better be going, Max.
13:23I'll call you tonight, sweetheart.
13:24I'll give you a hand, 99.
13:25Now, remember, Max, Dietrich must take the stand tomorrow afternoon.
13:29Nothing must happen to him.
13:30Don't worry, chief.
13:31Nothing will.
13:33Bye, love.
13:34Oh, my gosh.
13:55All right, Dietrich.
13:58I want you to get busy with these dolls.
14:00In case anybody is looking through the window, I want them to think that Mrs. Feldman is doing her job.
14:06Who was that?
14:07It's nothing.
14:07It's just a plumber.
14:08You sent for a plumber at a time like this?
14:10I didn't send for the plumber.
14:12The landlord sent for the plumber.
14:13I don't like this.
14:14Get rid of him.
14:18Hey, fella, how long are you going to be?
14:20Oh, it shouldn't be long now.
14:30You found Dietrich, and you killed him.
14:41Wonderful.
14:42Oh, I found Dietrich, but I didn't kill him.
14:45Why?
14:47Because Dietrich is going to kill himself.
14:49I don't get it.
14:51Well, it's very simple.
14:53Dietrich is obsessed with symmetry.
14:55I don't understand.
14:56Well, for instance, if he sees a chair out of place, then he's got to put it back.
15:00If he sees a lampshade that's slightly tilted, he's got to straighten it out.
15:04So I rigged a gun behind a picture that's hanging on the wall in Smart's apartment,
15:08and then I tilted the picture.
15:10Now, the minute Dietrich sees that picture, he's going to have to straighten it out.
15:14And the second he does, bang.
15:17That's brilliant.
15:19But what if Smart moves the picture before Dietrich does?
15:22From what I've learned about Maxwell Smart, he doesn't even know he has a picture on the wall.
15:44Mrs. Spelman?
15:46Mrs. Spelman?
15:48Mrs. Spelman?
15:48What do you want?
15:49I want you to get the dolls and pretend you're feeding it to her.
15:53Dietrich, will you get that shaving cream off your face?
15:57Why?
15:58Why?
15:58Because if Chaos happens to be looking through that window,
16:01and they see that shaving cream all over your face,
16:03they're going to know you're not Mrs. Spelman.
16:04You're right.
16:06Besides, Mrs. Spelman uses an electric razor.
16:08What are you doing?
16:23I'm going to straighten out the picture.
16:25But he already straightened out the pictures.
16:26Can't you see that?
16:28But they're still crooked.
16:31Oh, you're right.
16:32I'll fix them.
16:33Mrs. Spelman?
16:56Mrs. Spelman?
16:59Mrs. Spelman?
17:04Feldman?
17:05Mrs. Spelman?
17:07Mrs. Spelman?
17:09All I've been hearing since I got here yesterday is Mrs. Spelman.
17:13Did anybody ever tell you you're a nag?
17:14I don't care.
17:15I want you to act like Mrs. Spelman.
17:18I am acting like Mrs. Spelman.
17:20What do you think I was doing in the kitchen?
17:22I was making chicken soup.
17:24I want you in the kitchen.
17:25And I want you right out here in the living room where I can keep my eye on you.
17:29All right.
17:29If it'll make you happy, I'll stay out here.
17:32What was that?
17:33What was what?
17:35I thought I heard a noise in the hall.
17:38I didn't hear anything.
17:40Check it out anyway.
17:48No.
17:49No.
17:53No.
17:54Nothing.
18:00Hello.
18:01Oh, hi, Chief.
18:02No, there haven't been any more attempts in Dietrich's life since the painting took a shot at him yesterday.
18:07All right, Chief.
18:08We'll be ready.
18:09So long.
18:11Okay, Dietrich.
18:12The Chief of 99 will be picking us up in a bulletproof car in about ten minutes.
18:15You can get out of that dress.
18:17Oh, good.
18:18I can hardly breathe.
18:20Sure gonna feel good to get this girdle off my chest.
18:22Help me get your briefcase.
18:36What briefcase?
18:37The briefcase with all the chaos data in it.
18:39Oh, that's not the briefcase, Smart.
18:41That's in here.
18:42Okay, let's go.
18:46That must be the Chief.
18:48We're on our way, Chief.
18:50Congratulations, Mr. Smart.
18:51Your name has just been selected by Cousin Cora's Candy Kitchens to sample our delicious product.
18:56Look, fella, I'm a little busy right now.
18:58Would you mind calling back later?
18:59There's no need to.
19:00We just wanted to let you know that a gift package of bonbons has just been left at your door.
19:05Try them with our compliments.
19:06What's up?
19:24That's what's up.
19:25Bonbons.
19:26Bonbons?
19:27Bonbons.
19:27I love them.
19:28Just a minute.
19:29Not so fast.
19:31This may be the old bomb in the bonbon box trick.
19:34I better check it out.
19:36I guess that settles it.
19:56It certainly can't be a bomb.
19:57Not so fast.
19:59There's still one more test I have to make.
20:06You see, whoever sent this over knew that a trained agent like me would have to take
20:14a suspicious-looking package like this and submerge it in water.
20:18I've got to hand it to you, Smart.
20:20That's a bomb if I ever heard one.
20:21Yes, and it's not a little bomb.
20:23I can tell by the ticking it's a great big bomb.
20:29Get rid of it!
20:36Okay, Dietrich, you can come out now.
21:02That's far enough, gentlemen.
21:12Well, almost all clear.
21:16Oh, it's all right.
21:17It's only the plumber.
21:18It's the exterminator.
21:20It's the plumber.
21:21The exterminator is a tall blonde guy with a big nose.
21:24You better listen to him, Smart.
21:26He knows.
21:27I am the exterminator.
21:29The name is Earl Kibbe.
21:33Oh.
21:34Well, then you must be the one who planted the gun behind the picture and sent the bomb
21:39in the bonbon box.
21:40I'm also the one who shot the arrow.
21:42What arrow?
21:43Forget it.
21:44All right, hold it, Dietrich.
21:57Hold it right there.
22:06Where's Smart?
22:07I don't know.
22:08I'll try to find him for you.
22:10Dietrich!
22:10All right, Smart, where are you?
22:16Wherever you are, Smart, come out with your hands up.
22:23Smart, if you don't come out right now, I'm gonna shoot up this whole garage.
22:30Good work, Smart.
22:34Yeah, you better let me have that submachine gun.
22:36It's pretty tricky.
22:38Hey, be careful with that thing.
22:39It's got a hair trigger.
22:40I know that.
23:00Max!
23:01You shot the plumber!
23:0299, it's not the plumber, and I didn't shoot him.
23:05A piece of plaster from the ceiling fell on his head.
23:07Well, I'm glad to see Dietrich is safe.
23:09Good work, Max.
23:10Well, thank you, Chief.
23:11Well, here's one witness who'll testify,
23:14and the information locked in his memory will mean the end of chaos.
23:19Dietrich, are you all right?
23:21Dietrich?
23:22Who's Dietrich?
23:22Get away from the ludzi'
23:34of his head?
23:39The End
24:09The End
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