- hace 3 meses
Max is poisoned by a KAOS agent and has until 1 PM the following day to find the antidote. Special guest star John Fiedler as the KAOS poisoner/fitness expert Mr. Hercules.
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00:00Well, how about a little of that wine I promised you?
00:12I had it imported from Napa Valley, California.
00:16If that touch, wine shall never touch mine.
00:20Oh, well, that might make drinking this a little difficult.
00:24How about a cigarette?
00:25I don't smoke.
00:27I don't think I understand.
00:30This is health food.
00:32Those matches are for nibbling.
00:34Try one.
00:37Hmm, not bad. Peppermint.
00:40Try one of my cigarettes.
00:42It's fruity, fruity.
00:45Just full of quick energy.
00:48The road to better health is a healthy diet.
00:52Okay.
00:54Why don't we wash it all down with a little aqua purer?
01:00Mr. Smat, you are so handsome, so sophisticated.
01:13Je t'adore.
01:15Oh, is it open?
01:16I don't know.
01:17And so we're in the ball.
01:20Oh, sure.
01:51Oh, Mr. Smart. May I call you Max? That was a wonderful kiss. It just seemed to send sparks all through me.
02:13Well, I'll drink to that.
02:16What was that, Max?
02:18Oh, nothing really. Someone just tried to poison me.
02:21Really?
02:22Yes. While I was kissing you, he shot this wire over my head and sent down a poison pellet.
02:27But it missed and fell on the bar right here.
02:31At least it was right here.
02:33Unless, of course, don't tell me you put it in my drink.
02:38I put it in your drink.
02:39I asked you not to tell me that.
02:43That poison is a gift from chaos, Mr. Smart.
02:47Compliments on Mr. Hercules.
02:49At exactly one o'clock tomorrow, you will be dead.
02:53The End
04:02What are we doing here, Chief?
04:04I don't need entertainment.
04:05I need an antidote.
04:07Backstage at the Follies is our front for the control lab,
04:10and it works perfectly for Dr. Steele.
04:12Dr. Steele?
04:13Our head toxicologist.
04:15The best there is in the field of poison and antidotes.
04:17Well, is this Dr. Practice or rehearse?
04:20It smacks nine out of ten doctors who get poisoned come to Dr. Steele.
04:24Well, I've heard of big suitcases, but this is ridiculous.
04:43The only way we can beat chaos in discovering the location of Dr. Steele's lab, Max.
04:47Oh, doctor, this is your patient, the case I was telling you about.
04:51I'll be right with you, Mr. Smart.
04:52That's Dr. Steele?
04:57Yes.
04:59The chorus line is her cover.
05:01Not much of a cover, is it?
05:02Well, I'm not dead yet, Chief.
05:06Have a seat, Mr. Smart.
05:10I'm working on your case.
05:12I'm trying to analyze exactly what poison is in your system.
05:16You haven't finished yet?
05:17No, unfortunately, the opening number ran a little long.
05:21Yes, well, could you please hurry, doctor?
05:23One does not hurry the process of scientific research, Mr. Smart.
05:28Well, would one remember that one is going to die at one o'clock tomorrow afternoon,
05:32and I'm the one who's the one?
05:34Dr. Steele can't find the antidote until she discovers what kind of poison you took.
05:38Try to cooperate.
05:41Imagine.
05:42A deadly poison released into the bloodstream every second.
05:47Building, building to its inevitable end.
05:51And it doesn't even upset your stomach.
05:54You forget the commercial?
05:55What about the antidote?
05:57There.
05:59The antidote?
06:00No, it's the poison.
06:02The very same poison the chaos scientists invented.
06:05I don't understand.
06:06The same poison?
06:08Yes.
06:09I succeeded in discovering the formula weeks ago.
06:12However, I haven't yet been able to master the secret of the delaying action.
06:17Mine is fatal in exactly 30 seconds.
06:20But I'm certain that I can...
06:21On stage in two minutes.
06:23You're on, Miss Steele.
06:25Dr. Steele, what about the antidote?
06:30Don't worry, Mr. Smart.
06:32Since I know the formula for the poison, I have no doubt that I can find an antidote.
06:37Well, that's great.
06:38When?
06:38Shouldn't take me more than six months.
06:41Six months?
06:42Well, that is if the show doesn't go on the road.
06:44Well, maybe I can get another dancing doctor in to help you.
06:48I'm going to die at one o'clock tomorrow.
06:50I know, Mr. Smart.
06:54I said six months, but it could happen any time.
06:57I'm going to find an answer.
06:59What I don't know is when.
07:02Just my luck to find it tomorrow at two o'clock.
07:07Look how badly that makes me feel.
07:10It could be tomorrow, or it could be the next day, or it could be in a week, or it could be a month.
07:16Well, as long as it could be, could it be in a half an hour?
07:18Doctor, there must be something you can do.
07:22Well, I've already checked the computer.
07:25Unless I can find an answer between the shows.
07:28I'm afraid this is official.
07:31Maxwell Smart.
07:34Classification.
07:35Dead.
07:41On stage.
07:44On stage for rehearsal, Miss Dale.
07:48But this is the big finale.
07:56This is crazy.
07:57She's crazy.
07:58You're all crazy.
07:59I don't believe I'm going to die.
08:00I'm going to get out of here and find another doctor.
08:02A real doctor.
08:03One with funny legs.
08:09You have at least nine hours, perhaps as much as 18, Mr. Smart.
08:13The first doctor gave me from one to two days.
08:16He may be right.
08:18I hope so.
08:19But frankly, I think he'll die at 1 p.m. today.
08:22I have no family.
08:24Haven't had a day off since spy school.
08:26There's no way I can crowd 30 years of living into one afternoon.
08:30The only thing I can do is check out quietly.
08:33Help!
08:34Home early, Mr. Smart.
08:40Getting ready for a big evening?
08:44Yes, John.
08:44You might say this is the big one.
08:46I wish I were going.
08:48And you'll be going someday.
08:49Huh?
08:50Listen, John.
08:52If I don't see you again, I want to thank you for everything.
08:55You're moving?
08:56Yes.
08:57Well, you might say that I'm moving on.
08:59After tonight, John, well, this is goodbye.
09:03Wait a second.
09:04What about the five bucks you owe me?
09:06I'll pay you tomorrow.
09:08Max?
09:10Max!
09:10I just got that from a case and I heard you were sent home.
09:13I hope you're not ill.
09:14Not ill, 99.
09:15Oh, good.
09:16Dead.
09:17Max, what are you saying?
09:20I'll be dead in one hour and 14 minutes.
09:23Make that one hour, 13 minutes and 59 seconds.
09:26Max, there must be some mistake.
09:28There's no mistake, 99.
09:3021 doctors have confirmed it.
09:31I've been poisoned and there's absolutely no chance of finding an antidote in time.
09:35But there must be something that can be done.
09:37There's nothing that can be done.
09:39At one o'clock, Maxwell Smart will be dead.
09:43Only his legend will live on.
09:47Max, you just can't take your death lying down.
09:50There is something I can do.
09:54What's that?
09:55Kill the man who's responsible for trying to murder me.
09:57Do you know who he is?
09:59No, we've never met.
10:00But the girl who poisoned me told me that his name was Mr. Hercules.
10:04What girl?
10:05The girl who was in my apartment last night.
10:08I thought you were working last night.
10:11Yes.
10:11Well, a man needs a little relaxation.
10:13I mean, after all, all work and no play.
10:16Makes Max a dead boy.
10:18Oh, I'm sorry, Max.
10:22I shouldn't have said that.
10:23Do you know where we can find the girl?
10:25No.
10:25Well, maybe she left a clue.
10:27All right, turn around.
10:39Put your hands up against the wall.
10:40Come on, move.
10:40Move.
10:40Turn around.
10:44All right, turn around.
10:45Now, just who are you?
10:46What do you want?
10:47And what are you doing in my apartment?
10:49I'm L. Woodbox.
10:50And this is no longer your apartment.
10:52This is government property.
10:55Do you know who I am?
10:56Yes, I do, Mr. Smart.
10:58And you were a wonderful man.
11:00Believe me, my heart broke when I heard that you were dead.
11:03That's not so.
11:04Max is not dead.
11:06Please, let's not complicate matters.
11:09I have orders here from the control termination department to pick up your body.
11:14Not until one o'clock.
11:16You don't, Mr. Smart.
11:18Don't be selfish.
11:20Please, don't waste my entire day.
11:22Now, can't I have the body a little earlier?
11:25Oh, you can't have the body a little earlier.
11:27I'd like to use it to try and find my killer.
11:30Very well.
11:31I'll see you at one.
11:33And please, do me a favor.
11:35While you're looking, wear a dark suit.
11:38Shoes are optional.
11:39You got a match, 99?
11:52Oh, here's one, Max.
11:5999, these matches.
12:00That girl left them here.
12:01They're peppermint.
12:02Max, are you delirious?
12:03Here, try one.
12:04You're right.
12:10And these cigarettes are tutti-frutti.
12:12What do you think it means, Max?
12:13It's our clue, 99.
12:15Happy's Health Food Shop.
12:20Good afternoon.
12:21The road to better health is a healthy diet.
12:2599, that's the same thing the girl said to me.
12:28Is one of your customers a girl?
12:30Sometimes.
12:31Describe me, Max.
12:33Well, I really didn't pay that much attention to her, 99.
12:36Let's see.
12:37She was about 5'6".
12:39Soft blonde hair.
12:4138, 23, 36 measurements.
12:44Deep blue eyes.
12:46And delicious lips.
12:47Max, I tried to poison you.
12:49Well, it's not all gravy, you know.
12:52What can you tell me about this?
12:55Oh, it's certainly not poisoned, sir.
12:57It's an organically grown peppermint.
13:03Yes, well, what I want to know...
13:05Yes, look.
13:08Didn't you tell me that the girl told you that the poison was with the compliments of a Mr. Hercules?
13:13Of course.
13:15Hercules Gym.
13:17Listen, can you tell us how we can get to 718 Beacon Street?
13:20Well, it's a pretty far trip.
13:26You go down 14th here and turn left on Clark Street.
13:34Then you want to go further to the...
13:38Watch the crossroads.
13:42Forget it.
13:43I'll be dead before you finish.
13:45Come on, 99.
13:45How's the formula for the antidote going, Dr. Steele?
13:58It looks pretty hopeless, but she's still working on it.
14:00Is there anything I can do to help?
14:02Can you dance?
14:04I don't think so.
14:05Then forget it.
14:07What?
14:08It's a miracle.
14:09I found the antidote.
14:11Are you sure?
14:12I'm positive.
14:13I'll have it ready for you in a few minutes.
14:14Oh, great work, Dr. Steele.
14:15Now, all we have to do is find Max.
14:17Isn't it time?
14:18We still have 25 minutes.
14:19His homing device.
14:20We'll zero in on him by triangulation.
14:23Larrabee, turn on the locator.
14:24Right, Chief.
14:25On stage for rehearsal, Mr. Steele.
14:27Dr. Steele, I can't tell you what this means to control.
14:29You've done it again.
14:30I'm grateful.
14:32Dr. Steele, the antidote.
14:34Oh, it's right there on the table.
14:35Oh.
14:36I'll be back in a few minutes.
14:37There it is.
14:44Southwest corner of Z Street and 15th.
14:46Come on.
14:46Hold it.
14:47That's this building.
14:48He's here.
14:49It's pinpointed right in this room.
14:57What a time for him to forget his coat.
14:59Wait a minute.
15:00His shoe phone.
15:00I'm sorry the number you are calling has been disconnected.
15:08The subscriber is deceased.
15:10But...
15:10This is a recording.
15:14What's wrong, Chief?
15:16The line's dead.
15:18And if I can't find Max in exactly 23 minutes, he'll be dead, too.
15:22Oh, good morning.
15:32May I help you?
15:33Yes.
15:33Well, we'd just like to look around.
15:35Yes, sir.
15:35Are you a member?
15:37No.
15:37As a matter of fact, I'm not.
15:39Today is your lucky day.
15:41Yes.
15:41Well, so far, it's been just about average.
15:44Because today only, you can buy a lifetime membership, usually a $695 value, for only $500.
15:50That's almost $200 off.
15:53That's quite a saving, $99.
15:55I think I might just...
15:55Max, you have no time.
15:57Oh, right.
15:58How much will it cost to join for 17 minutes?
16:01We don't need any money down, sir.
16:03We bill you later.
16:05Just sign here.
16:07Yes.
16:07Well, in that case, I'd like to take out a membership for this young lady.
16:10You can just bill me any time after tonight.
16:13You check that door.
16:32I'll check this one.
16:34Oh!
16:35Oh!
16:35Oh, pardon me.
16:37On second thought, you better check this one.
16:40I'll check that one.
16:45Mr. Smart?
16:47Well, if it isn't the health food Lucretia Borgia...
16:51Please raise your hands, Mr. Smart.
16:52Then what if I don't?
16:53I will shoot you.
16:55Big deal.
16:56I'm afraid that doesn't worry me anymore.
16:57You see, I'm already dead.
16:59Killing me could become a very bad habit with you.
17:02There's nobody.
17:0699, this is the girl I was telling you about.
17:08The girl who poisoned me.
17:10Janet, 99.
17:1199, Janet.
17:12Mrs. Smart, I know you are not concerned about your own life...
17:15...but I am sure you are concerned about hers.
17:17Now, both your guns, please.
17:24Now, move this way.
17:29Hold it.
17:30You go in here.
17:30You, in there.
17:36You, continue down the hall.
17:38Go on.
17:41To the door, Mr. Smart.
17:52Gentlemen, this fight will have to be short.
17:55I have less than 10 minutes.
17:57And I have nothing to lose.
17:59I have nothing to lose.
17:59I have nothing to lose.
18:00I have nothing to lose.
18:28sit down mr smart you're right on time i've been expecting you
18:38well you'd certainly never know it from the reception i just got merely a small delaying
18:45action i wanted you to write precisely at this moment so i can personally watch my poison take
18:51effect what are you some kind of a nut that likes to see people die yes it's such a marvelous
18:58contrast to my own splendid health you have just three minutes mr smart will you join me in a last
19:07drink most certainly not that's against regulations i happen to be working on a case not even the
19:13antidote that will save your life uh yes well uh come to think of it i think i might have just a
19:19little nip not so fast mr smart i want the key to control's new secret code give me that and the
19:28antidote is yours forget it you haven't much time mr smart right now your vision is blurring
19:34and you're becoming uncoordinated oh really that's what you think
19:39the information
19:47hand me that pad
19:50fine mr smart now drink up
20:03mr smart i thought you were a man of honor this is the key to your old code that's right mr hercules
20:14control procedure number three i have swallowed the antidote and you have phony information
20:21the game of espionage is such fun isn't it why you gave me phony information i gave you a phony antidote
20:32you've been reading the control handbook you're wasting precious time play fair with me and i'll play fair with you
20:40here's the real antidote you have exactly one minute and thirty seconds left
20:49well well that's a tough decision to make could we have that drink now well certainly
20:56what will it be carrot juice onion juice or farkleberry juice
21:06farkleberry juice from the bark of the farkleberry tree
21:10oh yes well that'll be fine i'll have farkleberry juice good
21:15good
21:19i'm a carrot juice man myself
21:26i wonder if i could have my pharkleberry juice on the rocks of course
21:45cheers
21:54here's your chaser mr smart
21:56you have exactly 45 seconds to get the bitter taste of death out of your mouth well
22:03that's 15 seconds more than you have mr hercules what that's right i put the same poison in your
22:09drink only it kills in 30 seconds
22:22what happened i was locked in there by
22:39Help, let me out! Somebody let me out!
22:43Stand back, 99. Stand back.
22:47Oh, Chief. What happened? I was locked in there by the girl who poisoned Max.
22:51Do you know where she went? Well, she must be somewhere in the building. What does she look like?
22:55Well, she has blonde hair and she's wearing a candy-striped dress. Larrabee, go find her.
22:59Where's Max? I don't know, Chief. Well, let's look in the gymnasium.
23:03It's too late, Chief. He's dead.
23:17Chief, no.
23:19What did he say, Chief? He said, would I get my knee off his chest?
23:23Chief, what happened? Did I die? No, Miss, it's all right. You're alive.
23:29Dr. Steele discovered the antidote, Max. It came to her during the finale. You owe her your life.
23:35Well, I'll have to think of a way to repay her, Chief. Maybe a new cane or a test tube. What do you think?
23:41You can start by paying her bill.
23:45What bill?
23:47Forty-eight dollars. For what?
23:50For your life, Max.
23:52But she works for control.
23:54She developed this on her own time, Max.
23:57But this is ridiculous. This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of.
24:00I'm not paying this bill. Forty-eight dollars? That's out of the question.
24:03Forget about it. I wouldn't pay it if my life depended on it.
24:06It does, Max.
24:08You have to take another dose of this tomorrow and she has to give it to you if you were to complete your cure.
24:13Ninety-nine.
24:14Do you have forty-eight dollars you could let me have until payday?
24:17Oh, my God, if you're on a date of the actual day, today.
24:26Do you have any energy at all?
24:29Do you have any energy at all?
24:32If you would have any energy at all?
24:33Yes.
24:34Do you have any energy at all?
24:35Yes.
24:36Do you have any energy at all?
24:37¶¶
25:07¶¶
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