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pvault
  • 8 months ago
Films in Public Domain
Transcript
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00:01:17Hello, Miss Simmons.
00:01:18Hello.
00:01:19Hello, Mr. Haskell.
00:01:20Here's your shirt, Jimmy.
00:01:21I turned the cut.
00:01:22Oh, thanks very much.
00:01:25It's little enough for letting Mary come here
00:01:26and practice every day.
00:01:27Ah, it's all right.
00:01:29How's she doing?
00:01:30Ah, just don't you discourage her.
00:01:32She keeps up this practice,
00:01:33and she'll be able to play real good.
00:01:35I'll be back in an hour.
00:01:36Okay, I'll take good care of her.
00:01:38All right, hop to it, Mary.
00:01:40How are you?
00:01:41Give me an A, will you?
00:01:47All right, sir.
00:01:48Okay, thanks.
00:01:57How are you?
00:01:58Good.
00:01:59Good.
00:02:00Good.
00:02:01Good.
00:02:02Good.
00:02:03Good.
00:02:04Good.
00:02:05Good.
00:02:06Good.
00:02:07Good.
00:02:08Good.
00:02:09Hey, Jimmy, when are you going to get the new record?
00:02:12Oh, you kids haven't quite worn out the old yet.
00:02:14Won't be long now.
00:02:17Hi, Tommy.
00:02:18Here's the mage from our last lesson, Jimmy.
00:02:20Tomorrow I'll bring the bacon.
00:02:22Okay, here's your horn.
00:02:24I think you left your music over there someplace.
00:02:25Thank you, sir.
00:02:27Here's the bacon.
00:02:28I think you left your music over there someplace.
00:02:55I'm glad to see you, Jimmy, I'm glad to see you, too.
00:03:16Well, this is quite a surprise.
00:03:17What brings you up in this neck of the woods?
00:03:18Well, I came out to see you.
00:03:19Since you didn't take the trouble to answer my letter.
00:03:20A letter?
00:03:21Oh, well, I wanted a little something.
00:03:22Well, come on in, Uncle Charlie.
00:03:29I...
00:03:30I wrote...
00:03:31I wrote you three months ago.
00:03:32Oh, was it that long?
00:03:33Well, I don't know.
00:03:34You know how it is.
00:03:35The fella gets busy every day.
00:03:36These things don't fire well.
00:03:37You have to change the oil every thousand miles.
00:03:38Well, I...
00:03:39Well, I...
00:03:40Well, I...
00:03:41Well, I...
00:03:42Well, I...
00:03:43Well, I...
00:03:44Well, I...
00:03:45Well, I...
00:03:46Well, I...
00:03:47Well, I...
00:03:48Well, I...
00:03:49Well, I...
00:03:50Well, I...
00:03:51Well, I...
00:03:52Well, I...
00:03:53Well, I...
00:03:54Well, I...
00:03:55Well, I...
00:03:56Well, I...
00:03:57Well, I...
00:03:58Well, I...
00:03:59Well, I...
00:04:00Well, I...
00:04:01Well, I...
00:04:02Well, I...
00:04:03Well, I...
00:04:04Well, I...
00:04:05We have a deal!
00:04:06Jimmy!
00:04:07Jimmy I came up to have an important talk with you!
00:04:08Go ahead, go ahead.
00:04:09I'm listening.
00:04:10Good.
00:04:11Can't we go some place without this environment racket?
00:04:12Oh, oh yeah!
00:04:13Go right in my room.
00:04:14Where?
00:04:15Right over there.
00:04:16Oh.
00:04:17There we are.
00:04:18Well, not that chair.
00:04:19Uncle Charlie, that needs a little fixing.
00:04:20for a secondhand clarinet.
00:04:23Jimmy, I'm not going to beat around the bush.
00:04:27As you know, you and I have not been very close.
00:04:30After all, we are the last of the Haskells.
00:04:33Oh, is that very serious?
00:04:35It is to me.
00:04:35I want to keep the name of Haskell
00:04:37in the health food business.
00:04:39Yeah, well, I understand how you feel, Uncle Charlie.
00:04:42I want to keep the name of Haskell in the music business.
00:04:44I'm talking about big business.
00:04:47Can't you understand?
00:04:49I need you, Jimmy.
00:04:51Someday, you're going to get everything I've got.
00:04:55But you're not going to get it if you
00:04:57persist in frittering your life away in this town,
00:05:00this whistle stop.
00:05:04I like it here.
00:05:06My dad was happy here.
00:05:09Oh, I could never understand my brother.
00:05:12And I told him when he opened this place,
00:05:14he'd never make a go of it.
00:05:16Well, he kept it failing successfully for 25 years.
00:05:19That's not bad.
00:05:22If he'd listened to me, he'd been a rich man.
00:05:25But no.
00:05:26So what did he have when he died?
00:05:28The biggest funeral this town ever saw.
00:05:31Everybody was there.
00:05:32Why not?
00:05:33Everybody owed him money.
00:05:34Maybe so.
00:05:36Dad just had a wonderful time living.
00:05:38He liked things.
00:05:39He liked to hunt and fish.
00:05:41He liked music.
00:05:41Music!
00:05:43Now, he talked a great deal about you.
00:05:46He did?
00:05:48He seemed to feel so sorry for you.
00:05:50Sorry for me?
00:05:52Didn't get anything out of life, just making money.
00:05:55Is that so?
00:05:56Since when has making money been a crime?
00:05:59Since when?
00:05:59Oh, I'm not going to argue with you.
00:06:03And I'm not going to let myself be upset.
00:06:05No, sir.
00:06:06Jimmy!
00:06:08Jimmy!
00:06:10Uncle, I'm sorry.
00:06:11Don't hit him, Jimmy.
00:06:12He's an old man.
00:06:13Oh, no.
00:06:14It was just a chair, you see.
00:06:15Are you hurt, Uncle Charlie?
00:06:17Oh, hello, Bud.
00:06:18Can I talk to you for a minute?
00:06:20Oh, yeah.
00:06:20Well, outside here.
00:06:21Will you excuse me a minute, Uncle Charlie?
00:06:26I'm afraid I got some bad news for you, Jimmy.
00:06:28Oh, what's the trouble, Bud?
00:06:29I'm supposed to tack up this attachment.
00:06:31Bet you can dig up some money.
00:06:32Oh.
00:06:34Well, guess you have to tack it up.
00:06:36Unless you think eggs are going to go up to $500 a dozen
00:06:39all of a sudden.
00:06:40Well, see what you can do.
00:06:42I'll hold this off as long as I can.
00:06:43OK.
00:06:44Thanks, Bud.
00:06:47Oh, it's, uh, uh, you were just telling me
00:06:50about some people that wanted some musical instruments.
00:06:53He's the sheriff, isn't he?
00:06:55How'd you know?
00:06:56I knew his father.
00:06:57He was serving a paper on your father
00:06:59the first time I came up here.
00:07:00That's right.
00:07:01Well, Jimmy, what's it going to be?
00:07:03You can stay here chasing rainbows,
00:07:05or you can come with me.
00:07:06I can show you a real pot of gold that's
00:07:08yours for the taking.
00:07:09Well, I, uh.
00:07:10Wait a minute.
00:07:11That's a good idea for my radio show.
00:07:14That's a good idea for my radio program tomorrow night.
00:07:19You've heard my happiness hour, of course.
00:07:21Oh, yes.
00:07:21Everybody's heard that.
00:07:23Once.
00:07:24Listen to this.
00:07:25The clouds that make the day so gray
00:07:28must sooner or later pass away.
00:07:30There's always a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
00:07:33Good old homespun philosophy.
00:07:36Oh, boy.
00:07:38Well, I've got to be going.
00:07:41What are you going to do?
00:07:43Well, I'll tell you, Uncle Charlie.
00:07:45Unless a miracle happens in the next few days,
00:07:47looks like I'll slide down that rainbow.
00:07:49Fine.
00:07:53And right in the pot.
00:08:02What was I saying?
00:08:04And furthermore.
00:08:05And furthermore, I see no reason for changing.
00:08:09What was I saying?
00:08:10And furthermore.
00:08:11And furthermore, I see no reason for changing the airguns
00:08:15we are now using to puff our rice and other cereal.
00:08:19Our present airguns are exceptionally
00:08:22quiet in operation.
00:08:23I therefore would suggest that.
00:08:28There goes that band again.
00:08:32Oh, I'll fix this.
00:08:42How can a man transact any business
00:08:44with that going on day after day?
00:08:46Tom-toms, jungle screeches, they're a menace to sanity.
00:08:51What did I say?
00:08:52Tom-toms and jungle screeches.
00:08:54No, no, but that's what I mean.
00:08:56The McCordans took that band in their house just to annoy me.
00:09:00That's why they've ignored all of my protests.
00:09:02Well, I understand it's a new band just organized.
00:09:05Who wants a new band?
00:09:06Let them organize in a cave somewhere.
00:09:08Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
00:09:10Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
00:09:12Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo.
00:09:13I'll settle this once and for all.
00:09:20Hey, you.
00:09:22Hey.
00:09:24Hey, you.
00:09:26Hey, somebody, hey.
00:09:28Hey, hey.
00:09:31What's the matter?
00:09:32Stop that blasted bedlam, or I'll have it stopped.
00:09:37Oh, you will, eh?
00:09:39And who else?
00:09:40The police.
00:09:41I'll have that gang of noisy loafers thrown in jail for disturbing the peace.
00:09:46Disturbing the peace, are we?
00:09:51What about that airgun of yours booming all day and night?
00:09:54I suppose that's a baby's lullaby, you white-headed old baboon.
00:10:01That booming is business.
00:10:03And besides, we're all used to it.
00:10:05The band is business.
00:10:06And you'll get used to it, too, with your own hard luck.
00:10:08I'll get out an injunction.
00:10:10Oh, you will, eh?
00:10:12Well, listen, you black-hearted old skinflint.
00:10:15For years, you've tried every trick to make me sell my house here
00:10:18so you could enlarge your factory.
00:10:20Well, I'm not selling, Haskell.
00:10:22Not at your price.
00:10:24So go ahead.
00:10:25Call the cops if you think you can have this band thrown out of here.
00:10:28You just wait.
00:10:30You'll find out.
00:10:33Go ahead, boy.
00:10:34He's going to it, but loud.
00:10:37Jasper.
00:10:38Go get Jasper.
00:10:40Jasper.
00:10:41Jasper.
00:10:42Go get him.
00:10:43Find him.
00:10:44Don't stand there like a dummy.
00:10:45Do I have to do everything myself around here?
00:10:47Jasper.
00:10:48Jasper.
00:10:49Do you want me, CJ?
00:10:50Do I want you?
00:10:51Why aren't you here when I need you?
00:10:53Go get the police.
00:10:54The police, CJ?
00:10:55The militia, if necessary.
00:10:57That McCorkle woman has insulted me for the last time.
00:11:00But you said that before, CJ.
00:11:01I know, but this time I mean it.
00:11:04That band is driving me insane.
00:11:07It certainly is.
00:11:08Well, have them arrested.
00:11:10I will.
00:11:11Good.
00:11:23Hi, sir.
00:11:24What's a-cooking?
00:11:25Hi, sir.
00:11:26How's she looking?
00:11:27Hi, sir.
00:11:28How's she looking?
00:11:29Life will be as sweet as can be.
00:11:31If I can find a cookie that's a-looking for me.
00:11:34Hi, sir.
00:11:35All day long, I wash and dry.
00:11:41You'll be my little cookie.
00:11:43I'm away from Shanghai.
00:11:44It's time for you.
00:11:45Ten, ten supplies of raspberry mousse.
00:11:48Your dogs will get a real shampoo.
00:11:50The real magoo.
00:11:52Ha, ha.
00:11:53Rise, feast.
00:11:58Bum-dee-dum-doo.
00:11:59Diddle-dee-dum.
00:12:00The fortune teller told me I was going to clean up.
00:12:12Are the apples good?
00:12:13Just like I sell the Ritz Carlton.
00:12:15But as they ought to do for the McCorkle.
00:12:17I'll take a half a dozen.
00:12:20Here, Willie.
00:12:21What am I, a pack horse?
00:12:24Anything else, Miss Marley?
00:12:25No, that'll be all.
00:12:27Here, stupid.
00:12:29Well, take it.
00:12:35Come on.
00:12:38Too bad you can't carry a few bundles without complaining.
00:12:41Oh, I don't mind carrying them.
00:12:43Well, who are you?
00:12:45I'm the guy who's carrying the bundles.
00:12:48Oh, thanks.
00:12:49I thought my brother, Willie, would like to help.
00:12:52Oh, no, no.
00:12:53He ought to have anything.
00:12:54I'm terribly sorry.
00:12:55You must have been surprised.
00:12:57No, no.
00:12:58I guess life in the big city, just one big surprise
00:13:00after the other.
00:13:01For instance?
00:13:02Well, for instance, band music coming down out of the sky
00:13:05and broad daylight.
00:13:06Oh, that's up on our roof.
00:13:08On your roof?
00:13:09Is it?
00:13:10The band is strictly on the house until we get a job.
00:13:12Well, are you new with the band?
00:13:14Well, my sister Donna and I sing with it.
00:13:16My brother plays in it, but Mother feeds it.
00:13:18Oh, well, it certainly is a swell band.
00:13:20There's a slight difference of opinion
00:13:21around here about that.
00:13:22Oh, you mean the neighbors object?
00:13:24Oh, no.
00:13:25The neighbors are all.
00:13:27Uh-oh.
00:13:28Here comes trouble.
00:13:31Well, Mr. Korkel, as you can see, I'm here with the law.
00:13:34For protection, huh?
00:13:35Certainly not.
00:13:36We are here to give you the last warning.
00:13:38That music must cease, definitely, once and for all.
00:13:41I'm coming, Marty.
00:13:42What does this weasel want this time,
00:13:44as if I didn't know?
00:13:46No violence now.
00:13:47Speak up.
00:13:48Hello, Mom.
00:13:49You're in bad company, Mac.
00:13:51Well, I've been sent to deliver an out to Mac.
00:13:53Oh, you have, have you?
00:13:54Yes, and that band must go.
00:13:55They're disturbing the peace of the entire neighborhood.
00:13:58Oh, the entire neighborhood.
00:14:00Does it disturb you, Mrs. Papadopoulos?
00:14:03Not to me.
00:14:04It's what keeps me young.
00:14:05Just harboring a pest.
00:14:07What about you, Mrs. Sweeney?
00:14:09It's a big advantage to me.
00:14:10My old man can't fight when he hears music.
00:14:14They will, will they?
00:14:16The movement's the roughest.
00:14:19Now, go back to your kennel and tell old Man Haskell
00:14:22what you've heard.
00:14:23Go on now.
00:14:24Hey!
00:14:25Hey, what's going on here?
00:14:27You've heard about the feud between the Hatfields
00:14:29and the McCoys, haven't you?
00:14:30Yeah.
00:14:31Well, this is the one between the McCorkles and the Haskells.
00:14:34What did you say?
00:14:35Who?
00:14:36Come on.
00:14:37Hey, what are you doing?
00:14:39I'm looking for a new band.
00:14:42Hey, what are you doing?
00:14:43I'm looking for a nice, soft one.
00:14:48Look out.
00:14:50Now, just a minute.
00:14:51Just a minute.
00:14:52You might miss him.
00:14:55No.
00:14:57Oh, you hoodlum!
00:14:59You'll pay for this, you hoodlum!
00:15:01Now.
00:15:02Say this, I got you.
00:15:06Gosh, you hit the wrong man.
00:15:07Oh, no, you didn't.
00:15:08You hit the right man.
00:15:10Come on.
00:15:11Well, where's the...
00:15:12Come on!
00:15:17Oh, it's blood!
00:15:18I've been shot!
00:15:19I've been stabbed!
00:15:20You're all right, P.J.
00:15:21Take it easy.
00:15:22No, I'm not all right.
00:15:23Call the doctor.
00:15:24Call an ambulance.
00:15:25It isn't blood, P.J.
00:15:26It isn't blood?
00:15:27Well, what is it?
00:15:28What is it?
00:15:29Tomato juice!
00:15:33Oh, it's clear.
00:15:34Come on in.
00:15:36Boy, you sure do know your backyards and fences.
00:15:39Oh, I'd have made better time yet
00:15:40if I hadn't had to wait for you.
00:15:42Well, I didn't want to ask you to carry my suitcase.
00:15:48Have a donut, hero.
00:15:49It's the best I can offer.
00:15:50Am I a hero, me?
00:15:52You certainly are.
00:15:53You know, I wouldn't be surprised if they put up a statue
00:15:55of you throwing that tomato.
00:15:56You know, like the discus teller.
00:15:58Oh, well, that was an accident, hitting my, uh, that man.
00:16:01Accident?
00:16:02That was a terrible accident.
00:16:04Accident?
00:16:05That was a stroke of genius.
00:16:07You only knew how everybody hates old man Haskell.
00:16:09I knew why.
00:16:10Why?
00:16:11I could give you a reason for every dollar
00:16:13he's got in the bank.
00:16:14Do you know that he tried to drive us out of our home
00:16:16because he doesn't like music?
00:16:18He's sort of a stick, isn't he?
00:16:19And how?
00:16:20Believe me, the name of Haskell is pure poison around here.
00:16:23Is it?
00:16:27Hmm.
00:16:30Guess I'd better be going.
00:16:33You're in a hurry.
00:16:34Well, I have to find a place to live.
00:16:36I sort of expected to live with a relative of mine,
00:16:38but it doesn't seem like a very good idea now.
00:16:40Well, if you like a place where there's never a dull moment,
00:16:42what's the matter with this?
00:16:43Oh, I don't know.
00:16:45What's going on here?
00:16:46Who are you and what do you want?
00:16:47Mommy's looking for a place to live.
00:16:49Oh.
00:16:50Are you a new member of the band,
00:16:51or would you be living here at a cash basis?
00:16:53Mom, this is the fellow that hit old man Haskell
00:16:55with a tomato.
00:16:57Oh, glory be.
00:16:59Oh, you darling, why didn't you tell me?
00:17:02So you're the fellow.
00:17:03Ha, ha, ha.
00:17:04Now listen, young man.
00:17:05You're not looking any further.
00:17:06You're going to live right here with us.
00:17:08Here, give me the bag.
00:17:09Well, that's very nice of you, but I...
00:17:11Pardon me, no buts now.
00:17:12Why, the bathroom in the house is none too good for you.
00:17:15Well, you can pay for it or not.
00:17:16Come on now, give me the bag.
00:17:17You're not leaving this house.
00:17:18I'll take the bag.
00:17:19Willie.
00:17:20Willie, put it out of here.
00:17:22Molly, we're looking for you.
00:17:23Has that arrangement finished?
00:17:24Oh, go on.
00:17:25Right now.
00:17:26I want you to take this bag up to the big room.
00:17:28Oh, can't anybody besides me ever carry a bag around here?
00:17:31Go on with you now.
00:17:32You're always grumbling.
00:17:33I'm not grumbling.
00:17:34Let me see it, Horace.
00:17:35Gee, these changes are swell.
00:17:37Slide over, Frankie.
00:17:40All right, boys, let's go.
00:17:44Say, when he starts to play, the kids begin to trail him.
00:17:54And they all say, hooray for Pete the Piper.
00:17:59When he plays a song, all the kids will never fail him.
00:18:04They sing a song along with Pete the Piper.
00:18:09People gather round when they hear the sound.
00:18:12The camels are coming, hooray, hooray.
00:18:14When the lively beats catch the Piper's beat,
00:18:17they start to sway, and then it isn't long
00:18:22till all the folks are dancing.
00:18:25Their hearts are gay when he will play them a song.
00:18:30When he's done all that, they pass the hat
00:18:32for fascinating Pete the Piper man.
00:18:39When he's done all that, they pass the hat
00:18:42for fascinating Pete the Piper man.
00:18:45When he's done all that, they pass the hat
00:18:48for fascinating Pete the Piper man.
00:18:51When he's done all that, they pass the hat
00:18:54for fascinating Pete the Piper man.
00:18:57When he's done all that, they pass the hat
00:19:00for fascinating Pete the Piper man.
00:19:03When he's done all that, they pass the hat
00:19:06for fascinating Pete the Piper man.
00:19:08When he's done all that, they pass the hat
00:19:31for fascinating Pete the Piper man.
00:19:33When he's done all that, they pass the hat
00:19:35for fascinating Pete the Piper man.
00:19:37Okay, Frankie, pick it up.
00:20:07All right.
00:20:12Let's go.
00:20:18The camels are coming!
00:20:20Hooray!
00:20:21Hooray!
00:20:22Now it won't be long
00:20:24Till all the folks are dancing
00:20:27Their hearts are gay
00:20:29When he will play them a song
00:20:32When he's done all that
00:20:34They pass the hat
00:20:35A-fascinating beat the Piper Man
00:20:38They pass the hat
00:20:46A-fascinating beat the Piper Man
00:20:51Hooray!
00:20:53Boys, look who's here!
00:20:55Grady!
00:20:56Grady!
00:20:57Hooray!
00:20:58Hooray!
00:20:59Hooray!
00:21:00Hooray!
00:21:01Hooray!
00:21:02Hooray!
00:21:03Hooray!
00:21:04Hooray!
00:21:05Hooray!
00:21:06Grady's been pounding a beat out by the garbage dumps.
00:21:08A little argument with old man Haspel.
00:21:10A little argument?
00:21:12Oh, Grady, you should have been here a little while ago.
00:21:14You'd have been even for life.
00:21:16Yeah, what happened?
00:21:17Oh, boy, poetic.
00:21:20That's what they call poetic justice.
00:21:22Good!
00:21:23Good!
00:21:24It was perfect!
00:21:27Come on, come on, out with it!
00:21:30Well, old man Haspel came steaming over here.
00:21:32Yeah?
00:21:33And he got hit with a tomato.
00:21:36Right in the kisser.
00:21:42It was a soft one, naturally.
00:21:45A hit and run kind.
00:21:49Nobody knows who did it, I hope.
00:21:52No, nobody but me.
00:21:54But I'm big hearted.
00:21:56Boys, meet the sharpshooter.
00:22:05Molly McCorkle, will you never learn to keep your big mouth shut?
00:22:10What did I say?
00:22:11Too much.
00:22:18My boy, you should have a medal.
00:22:21Yes, sir, I'm sorry I can't be giving you one instead of this.
00:22:24Oh, thanks very much.
00:22:26What is it?
00:22:28It's a warrant for assault and battery.
00:22:30Old man Haspel swore it out.
00:22:32Uh-huh.
00:22:34Come on, son.
00:22:39Wait.
00:22:40Hey, wait a minute.
00:22:41Grady!
00:22:44Wouldn't you like to give me a good swift kick before you go?
00:22:47Oh, that's all right.
00:22:49This has been fun here, and I enjoyed jumping over those fences with you.
00:22:53If I ever get this thing straightened out, I hope you'll let me come back sometime.
00:22:58And, uh...
00:23:00Well, thanks for that donut.
00:23:02Uh...
00:23:04Well, come on, Grady.
00:23:06Oh, yes.
00:23:10Next case.
00:23:13Oh, everything's just with me right there.
00:23:15Molly, where are you? Come on, hurry up the case. It's starting.
00:23:18Order. Order in the courtroom.
00:23:21Mary McCorkle, sit down.
00:23:24Now, listen, Mike.
00:23:26Don't you be getting on your high horse with me.
00:23:28Sit down.
00:23:33Now, what's this case all about?
00:23:36Young man, what's your name?
00:23:38My name?
00:23:40I prefer your real name.
00:23:43Uh-huh.
00:23:45Uh...
00:23:47My name is James Hamilton.
00:23:51James Hamilton?
00:23:53Yeah, put that down.
00:23:55And where do you live, James Hamilton?
00:23:57He lives with us at my house.
00:23:59419 63rd Street.
00:24:02Now, tell me, James.
00:24:04How did you get enmeshed in the coils of the law?
00:24:09I threw a tomato.
00:24:14He's still modest, Mike.
00:24:16He made a bull's-eye right in old Manhattan's stairs.
00:24:20He did?
00:24:26Uh, where were we?
00:24:28I'd just thrown the tomato, Your Honor.
00:24:30Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
00:24:33Now, tell me, Jimmy, my boy.
00:24:36Did you, with premeditation and intent,
00:24:39deliberately aim at the force at Haskell's face?
00:24:43Well...
00:24:44And the defendant refuses to answer
00:24:46on the grounds that he might incriminate himself.
00:24:49Glory be, Mike, you certainly know the law.
00:24:52Having weighed the evidence,
00:24:55the court rules that the case be postponed
00:24:58and the defendant released on bail.
00:25:02Provided anybody has any money.
00:25:05We have $200. Is that enough?
00:25:07That was the exact sum that the court had in mind.
00:25:11Who has it?
00:25:13I have it, Your Honor.
00:25:15The clerk will accept it.
00:25:18Next case.
00:25:20Thank you, Mike.
00:25:21Stand aside, please.
00:25:23Will you move over, please?
00:25:25I'm not pushing you.
00:25:27Oh, take it easy, will you?
00:25:29Don't you push me.
00:25:30Here comes double pneumonia.
00:25:32Out in the windows, boy, and I smell still tomatoes.
00:25:36Very funny, Mrs. McCorkle. Very funny.
00:25:39I only wish it had been you that threw that tomato.
00:25:42So do I. Only I'd have put a rock in it.
00:25:45Oh, you would? Well, let me tell you...
00:25:49Proceed with the case, Judge.
00:25:51I'm here.
00:25:52Where is the man that assaulted me?
00:25:54If you don't mind, I'll conduct this case
00:25:57without any advice from you.
00:25:59That's good advice.
00:26:19Move along. In you go.
00:26:26All right, take it away, Eddie.
00:26:32I bring the legitimate charge against the hoodlum.
00:26:36And before I can give my evidence,
00:26:38the thug is permitted to walk out right under your nose.
00:26:41In the first place, he wasn't under my nose.
00:26:43And in the second place, the defendant was released on bail.
00:26:46And in the third place, you're in contempt of court.
00:26:49And I sentence you to 25 days or $25.
00:26:52Oh, that ain't enough, Mike.
00:26:54Quiet, quiet.
00:26:56This is an outrage. It's a travesty on justice.
00:26:59$50 or 50 days.
00:27:01What?
00:27:03It's worth 50 to tell you what I think.
00:27:05Is it worth 100?
00:27:07All right, but you wait until the next election.
00:27:10You wait until...
00:27:12I'm waiting.
00:27:15Your Honor, it appears that I haven't any money with me.
00:27:19Take him away, Bailey.
00:27:21You can't do this to me!
00:27:23You can't do this to me!
00:27:45I made you a boy!
00:28:00That's balls.
00:28:01Hey, what about Majorni Tuteson Hall?
00:28:04What'd ya say?
00:28:05Majorni Tuteson Hall.
00:28:07You and I were sitting here.
00:28:08All right, that's good.
00:28:09But ask him what happened.
00:28:11You gotta get up.
00:28:13You gotta get up.
00:28:14You're in the army now.
00:28:16Johnny blows the bugle, knows the calls from A to Z.
00:28:20But he's always at his best when blowing reveille.
00:28:26La, la, la, la, la, la.
00:28:32When Johnny toots his horn, and he's
00:28:35And Johnny toots his horn, disturbing the peace at break of the dawn.
00:28:39You gotta get up.
00:28:41You're in the army now.
00:28:43Before your eyes are open, you're dressing on the run.
00:28:47And standing at attention with the sergeant's hat on the corporal's gun.
00:28:51Oh, Johnny blows and blows.
00:28:53He tootly toots you into your clothes and makes you rue the day that you were born.
00:28:57The day you were born.
00:28:59There's nothing anyone can do.
00:29:01The captain has to make a toot.
00:29:03You gotta get up for Johnny toots his horn.
00:29:33He toots you out of slumber.
00:29:41He toots you out of bed.
00:29:43He toots you in the line and then he goes somewhere and he hangs his head.
00:29:47But still he blows and blows and blows.
00:29:49Blows and blows.
00:29:50Blows and blows.
00:29:51Blows and blows and blows and blows and blows.
00:29:53Yeah, yeah.
00:29:54He wakes you with his crazy tune, then goes to bed and sleeps to noon.
00:29:59You've got to get up when Johnny Dukes is born.
00:30:04He stands behind the barricade and plays his morning serenade.
00:30:08The private gets up.
00:30:09The corporal gets up.
00:30:10The sergeant gets up.
00:30:11The tenant gets up.
00:30:12The captain gets up.
00:30:13The major gets up.
00:30:14The colonel gets up.
00:30:15The general gets up.
00:30:16The army gets up.
00:30:17You've got to get up when Johnny Dukes is born.
00:30:20You've got to get up when Johnny Dukes is born.
00:30:27You've got to get up when Johnny Dukes is born.
00:30:47You've got to get up when Johnny Dukes is born.
00:30:48You've got to get up when Johnny Dukes is born.
00:30:49You've got to get up when Johnny Dukes is born.
00:30:50You've got to get up when Johnny Dukes is born.
00:30:51You've got to get up when Johnny Dukes is born.
00:30:52You've got to get up when Johnny Dukes is born.
00:30:53You've got to get up when Johnny Dukes is born.
00:30:54You've got to get up when Johnny Dukes is born.
00:30:55You've got to get up when Johnny Dukes is born.
00:30:56You've got to get up when Johnny Dukes is born.
00:30:57You've got to get up when Johnny Dukes is born.
00:30:58You've got to get up when Johnny Dukes is born.
00:30:59You've got to get up when Johnny Dukes is born.
00:31:00You've got to get up when Johnny Dukes is born.
00:31:17What's wrong, Sheriff?
00:31:18We have more prisoners in here than we have commitments.
00:31:20Someone sneaked into our jail.
00:31:21What?
00:31:21Yeah.
00:31:23You're frauding the tax payers.
00:31:24That's what it is.
00:31:26All right, gangway boys.
00:31:27Come on, come on.
00:31:28Line up over there.
00:31:29Line up.
00:31:30You.
00:31:31What's your name?
00:31:32Haskell.
00:31:33Haskell.
00:31:34OK, we've got a Haskell.
00:31:35All right, stand over there.
00:31:36What's your name?
00:31:38Haskell.
00:31:39Oh, wise guy.
00:31:40You got to be kidding me.
00:31:41Haskell.
00:31:42Haskell.
00:31:43That's it.
00:31:44You got to be kidding me.
00:31:45Oh, wise guy, huh?
00:31:47I suppose you're all named Haskell.
00:31:48Yeah!
00:31:50What's your initials?
00:31:50Uh, James H.
00:31:52I got no James H. nothing.
00:31:54So you're the stowaway.
00:31:56Come on, get out of here.
00:31:57You ought to be locked up for pulling a stunt like this.
00:31:59James, my wallet is on my desk in the office.
00:32:02Get it and pay my fine, will you?
00:32:04OK, I'll be right back.
00:32:05So long, fellas.
00:32:06So long, James H.
00:32:07So long, Jimmy.
00:32:08So long, Jimmy.
00:32:09So long.
00:32:12Hey, can you sing?
00:32:15No, I hate music.
00:32:16We gotta do something about this, boys.
00:32:18Yeah.
00:32:19Come on, get him over here.
00:32:21Get him.
00:32:22Ah, say ah.
00:32:23Ah!
00:32:24Ah!
00:32:25Ah!
00:32:26Ah!
00:32:27Ah!
00:32:28Ah!
00:32:29Ah!
00:32:30Ah!
00:32:31Ah!
00:32:32Ah!
00:32:33Ah!
00:32:34Ah!
00:32:35Ah!
00:32:36Ah!
00:32:37Ah!
00:32:38Ah!
00:32:39Ah!
00:32:40Ah!
00:32:41Ah!
00:32:42Ah!
00:32:43Ah!
00:32:44Ah!
00:32:45Ah!
00:32:46Ah!
00:32:47Ah!
00:32:48Ah!
00:32:49Ah!
00:32:50Ah!
00:32:51Ah!
00:32:52Ah!
00:32:53Ah!
00:32:54Ah!
00:32:55Oh!
00:32:56Ah!
00:32:57Oh, I've gotta go.
00:32:59Oh, I, I have to, uh, what's the matter?
00:33:05We've been looking all over town for you.
00:33:06Yeah.
00:33:07Yeah?
00:33:08What for?
00:33:09What for?
00:33:10Oh boy, come on!
00:33:12Why am I so popular all of a sudden?
00:33:14They pawned their instruments to bail you out.
00:33:16Molly's idea.
00:33:17Oh, well, thanks.
00:33:20Very nice to know that I'm worth $200 on the hoof.
00:33:23First call for dinner!
00:33:26Jimmy, your bags!
00:33:28Oh, you'll be at the first table.
00:33:29Take care of them, Molly.
00:33:31Boy, I've been working here for a long time.
00:33:35Don't touch a thing.
00:33:37Get up from the table, all of you.
00:33:38Why, what's the matter, Ma?
00:33:39Have you forgotten you have a new member
00:33:40to initiate you to the class?
00:33:42Here, you sit in this car.
00:33:43Come on, Willie, get up.
00:33:44Come on, now, and stop your...
00:33:46Oh, no, you don't want that problem.
00:33:55Shh!
00:33:59Hail, McCorkle!
00:34:02Hail, McCorkle!
00:34:05We'll proudly sing thy praise!
00:34:12Hail, McCorkle!
00:34:15Hail, McCorkle!
00:34:18Where no one ever pays!
00:34:24Welcome to this university for the fraternity,
00:34:29so full of knowledge.
00:34:30Rah, rah!
00:34:31Welcome to our little college.
00:34:33Hooray!
00:34:34And as we march along, we'll sing our college song.
00:34:41A knife, a fork, and a spoon.
00:34:44We'll beat out a happy tune.
00:34:47You'll all feel chummy as you fill your tummy with a knife,
00:34:51a fork, and a spoon.
00:34:53Start tap, tap, tap in a dish.
00:34:56You'll get your favorite wish.
00:34:58Send trouble dashing while your corns be hatching with a knife,
00:35:02a fork, and a spoon.
00:35:04At Mama Corkle's table, we'll sing our college song.
00:35:11That's where we play each night.
00:35:14We eat all that we're able, so we may fuss.
00:35:18It's home to us, so come on, lift up your cup.
00:35:22Let's drink it down, bottoms up.
00:35:25Through stormy weather, we'll all stick together with a knife,
00:35:29a fork, and a spoon.
00:35:31We're gathered round the table.
00:35:36We're real friends, true and true.
00:35:42We're gathered round the table.
00:35:48To eat Mother's Irish stew.
00:35:55To eat Mother's Irish stew.
00:36:01Mother's Irish stew.
00:36:11Boarding house, dear boarding house, from thee we'll never roam.
00:36:28Oh, boarding house, dear boarding house, from thee we'll never roam.
00:36:40Oh, boarding house, dear boarding house, to us your home's sweet home.
00:37:00Say, that was all right.
00:37:02You can now consider yourself a full-fledged member of the McCorkle class.
00:37:05Oh, do I make a speech?
00:37:07You do, you'll starve to death.
00:37:10Here's your Irish stew.
00:37:12Here you are.
00:37:13Tomatoes?
00:37:18Well, help yourself.
00:37:20No tomatoes.
00:37:40What's the matter?
00:37:41Oh, nothing, nothing.
00:37:44Would you excuse me? I don't feel very well.
00:37:47Oh, it's probably too much excitement.
00:37:49I'll be all right.
00:37:50The jail and everything.
00:37:52I think I'll be all right if I go out and get some fresh air.
00:37:54Willie, you'd better go with him.
00:37:56Sure.
00:37:57Oh, you don't have to.
00:38:00I'd be better off if I just went up to my room for a while.
00:38:03Willie's sure in his room.
00:38:04Come on.
00:38:05Willie does everything around here except eat.
00:38:07If you want anything, just holler.
00:38:13Home sweet home.
00:38:14Oh, thanks.
00:38:15Oh.
00:38:41When Johnny cooks his hot dog,
00:38:44When Johnny cooks his horn,
00:38:46Disturbing the peace and breaking the dawn,
00:38:48You gotta get up.
00:38:50No, no.
00:38:51That's outrageous, outrageous.
00:38:53I know, but you're getting better.
00:38:55I don't want to be better, and I still hate music.
00:38:58You're so unreasonable.
00:39:00All right, all right, all right.
00:39:02Now try it again and put in some gestures.
00:39:05When Johnny cooks his horn,
00:39:07Disturbing the peace and breaking the dawn,
00:39:09You gotta get up.
00:39:11You're in the army now
00:39:13Before your eyes are open
00:39:15You're dressing on the run
00:39:17The corporal's got the sergeant at attention with his gun.
00:39:20When Johnny blows and blows
00:39:22He'll be good to you
00:39:32Where have you been?
00:39:34You'll be sorry for this.
00:39:36Look what they've done to my boss.
00:39:39How am I going to broadcast
00:39:41The Haskell Happiness Hour tonight?
00:39:43Well, would there be any complaints
00:39:45If you just called the whole thing off?
00:39:47What?
00:39:49Tell them you lost your voice singing in a jail.
00:39:51Don't play ridiculous!
00:39:53Ladies and gentlemen,
00:39:55Due to circumstances beyond our control,
00:39:57We again bring you
00:39:59The Haskell Hour of Happiness
00:40:01With C.J. Haskell,
00:40:03Makers of Haskell's Patty Cakes,
00:40:05The health food supreme.
00:40:07Ladies and gentlemen!
00:40:09I can't do it. I'm sick.
00:40:11I'm croaking.
00:40:13Jimmy, you do it for me.
00:40:15Oh, no.
00:40:17Mr. Haskell will be with you in just a moment.
00:40:24Ladies and gentlemen!
00:40:28Tonight,
00:40:30I want to share a little poem with you.
00:40:34We all should be grateful
00:40:36And happy as kings.
00:40:38The world is so full
00:40:40Of such wonderful things.
00:40:42The rain and the sun
00:40:44Help the earth to grow wheat.
00:40:46Perhaps it's the most beautiful
00:40:48Of any cereal wheat.
00:40:50What do you want?
00:40:52Listen to this, will you?
00:40:54What do you want to listen to that stuff for?
00:40:56Just listen for a moment.
00:40:58The pansies
00:41:00The pansies and lilies
00:41:02The primrose so fickle
00:41:05That they refuse to enjoy
00:41:07Without spending a nickel.
00:41:23Good evening, sir.
00:41:25Good evening, Box.
00:41:27Box!
00:41:31Is the guest room in order?
00:41:33Certainly, sir.
00:41:35This is my nephew, Mr. James Haskell.
00:41:37Oh.
00:41:39How old are you, sir?
00:41:41Same to you.
00:41:43Pardon me.
00:41:45Is your luggage in the car, sir?
00:41:47Oh, I just had one suitcase and I left it.
00:41:49What are you whispering about?
00:41:51I don't know. You started it, sir.
00:41:53I lost my voice singing.
00:41:55Singing? You, sir?
00:41:57I think I better go and get my suitcase.
00:41:59You won't need it. We have everything here.
00:42:02Well, here you are, my boy.
00:42:04This is all yours from now on.
00:42:06I'm so happy to have you with me at last.
00:42:08Oh, thank you, sir.
00:42:10In case you need anything, it's right there.
00:42:12Oh, that's fine.
00:42:14We'll have breakfast at 7.30.
00:42:16Then I'll take you over to the factory
00:42:18and introduce you around.
00:42:20Best of all, I'm going to put you on the payroll.
00:42:22I don't imagine you've got much money.
00:42:24Well, your cashier cashed a check for me.
00:42:28Your purse?
00:42:30Your personal check?
00:42:32How much?
00:42:34Oh, it was certified.
00:42:36$214.
00:42:38That's what was left when I closed up shop.
00:42:40Oh, well, that dismal episode
00:42:42is behind you forever, my boy.
00:42:44Tomorrow is another day.
00:42:46With more music by the McCorkles, probably.
00:42:48Jimmy!
00:42:50That old lady
00:42:52is deliberately trying to wreck my health.
00:42:54But why?
00:42:56Just because I want her property.
00:42:58Oh, that's very unreasonable.
00:43:00It's getting on my nerves.
00:43:02I can't stand it any longer.
00:43:04Well, Uncle Charlie, why don't you go on a vacation?
00:43:06And let the McCorkles think
00:43:08that they're chasing me out of town.
00:43:10That's just what they want.
00:43:12Nothing is going to stand
00:43:14in the way of my getting
00:43:16the man who hit me with that tomato.
00:43:22This is my room if you want me.
00:43:25I'm going to take a hot bath
00:43:27and a hot toddy and go to bed.
00:43:29Good night, Jimmy.
00:43:31Good night, Charlie.
00:43:55Do you believe in fairy tales?
00:44:11I do.
00:44:17I know a place
00:44:19where fairy tales come true.
00:44:25Just close your
00:44:27drowsy eyes, my dear
00:44:29and a genie will appear.
00:44:31He'll take you
00:44:33by the hand
00:44:35and through
00:44:37a star-embroidered sky
00:44:39on a carpet
00:44:41you will fly
00:44:43and you'll
00:44:45awake in fairy land.
00:44:51A friend
00:44:53A prince will ride
00:44:55upon the sea
00:45:03He'll say,
00:45:05fair lady, be my queen
00:45:13In this beautiful land
00:45:15of laughter
00:45:17you'll live happily
00:45:19ever after
00:45:23If you believe
00:45:25that fairy tales
00:45:27come true
00:45:53If you believe
00:45:55that fairy tales
00:45:57come true
00:45:59If you believe
00:46:01that fairy tales
00:46:03come true
00:46:05If you believe
00:46:07that fairy tales
00:46:09come true
00:46:11If you believe
00:46:13that fairy tales
00:46:15come true
00:46:17If you believe
00:46:19that fairy tales
00:46:22Do you
00:46:24believe
00:46:26in fairy tales?
00:46:28I do.
00:46:32I know
00:46:34a place
00:46:36where fairy tales
00:46:38come true.
00:46:42Just close your
00:46:44drowsy eyes, my dear
00:46:46and a genie will appear
00:46:48He'll take you
00:46:50by the hand
00:46:52and through
00:46:54a star-embroidered sky
00:46:56on a carpet
00:46:58you will fly
00:47:00and you'll
00:47:02awake
00:47:04in fairy land
00:47:06Do you
00:47:08believe
00:47:10in fairy tales?
00:47:12Can't you
00:47:14stop that infernal music?
00:47:16Why say that, old baboon?
00:47:18Quiet, wench!
00:47:20Jasper, where are you?
00:47:22Okay, CJ!
00:47:24Run, Jimmy, run for your life!
00:47:26Quiet, wench!
00:47:35Run, Jimmy, run for your life!
00:47:37Look out! Look out, he's got an axe!
00:47:39Don't you touch him!
00:47:41Look out!
00:47:48Oh!
00:47:50What a dream
00:47:52I was having!
00:47:56Well, you just keep
00:47:58right on dreaming.
00:48:00Okay with me.
00:48:08Oh!
00:48:12Good night.
00:48:15Good night.
00:48:36Oh, hello.
00:48:38Hello. Was anything wrong?
00:48:40We, uh, heard you on the radio.
00:48:42You did?
00:48:44Wasn't I terrible?
00:48:46Yeah. Did Molly hear it?
00:48:48No.
00:48:50No, she didn't. Well, that's good.
00:48:52Look, just what goes on between you and CJ Haskell?
00:48:54Oh. Well, I might as well tell you.
00:48:56He's my uncle.
00:48:58Oh, yeah?
00:49:00Yeah. Well, here, I'll prove it to you.
00:49:02Here's a letter he sent me.
00:49:04It said, James Hamilton Haskell. That's me.
00:49:06There. You want to read it?
00:49:08No, I read enough.
00:49:10Say, what is this? What are you doing here?
00:49:13Yes, there's $200. Now you can get your instruments out of Hawkins.
00:49:15Did you get that from your uncle?
00:49:17You don't know my uncle.
00:49:19Thanks, Jim.
00:49:21That's all right. That's all right.
00:49:23I like the people in this house.
00:49:25Especially, well, I like everybody.
00:49:27I like to live here all the time,
00:49:29but as soon as Molly finds out who I am,
00:49:31she'll kick me out in the alley.
00:49:33Well, suppose she doesn't find out?
00:49:35Well, that'd be very nice, but...
00:49:37Now, look, you've been regular.
00:49:39You didn't have to come across with that dough.
00:49:41Well, thanks very much.
00:49:43No, I...
00:49:45I still got troubles.
00:49:47Don't you see, sooner or later, Molly's gonna find out who I am.
00:49:49Just like sooner or later,
00:49:51old man Haskell's gonna find out
00:49:53who threw that tomato,
00:49:55and it just won't work.
00:49:57Either way, I'm a dead duck.
00:49:59How's your uncle gonna find out?
00:50:01Well, he'll see me at the trial, won't he?
00:50:03What would happen if Uncle Charlie didn't show up for the trial?
00:50:05They'd throw the case out of court.
00:50:07Well, there's your answer.
00:50:09What do you think of Uncle Charlie?
00:50:11How?
00:50:13Well, we'll let Red run over him with the ice wagon.
00:50:15What, do you think he'd do it?
00:50:17Oh, you couldn't do that.
00:50:19What do you mean, we couldn't do that?
00:50:21Red'd love it. I'll go get him.
00:50:23Oh, wait a minute. Hold on here.
00:50:25Couldn't you do something not quite so drastic?
00:50:27Any ideas?
00:50:29Yeah, I think I'd better go back to Point Jervis.
00:50:31Uncle Charlie's a pretty tough guy to deal with.
00:50:33And from the way he talked tonight,
00:50:35you'd better find someplace else to rehearse your band.
00:50:38Willie, thanks for everything.
00:50:40Jim, wait a minute.
00:50:42That's it. The band. He doesn't like it.
00:50:44No, he certainly does not.
00:50:46Come on.
00:50:48Come on.
00:51:07Come on.
00:51:37Don't shoot, Bill!
00:51:39He's going to get what's coming to you, Slug.
00:52:07Jimmy!
00:52:09Jimmy!
00:52:11Here he comes.
00:52:13Do you think it'll work, Horace?
00:52:15He'll be twisted. Don't fall off.
00:52:17Uh, yes, Uncle Charlie?
00:52:19Jimmy.
00:52:21What are you doing down here?
00:52:23And who is this man?
00:52:25Well, I'll tell you, Uncle Charlie.
00:52:27I got worried about you.
00:52:29I couldn't sleep last night.
00:52:31Well, I'll tell you, Uncle Charlie.
00:52:33I got worried about you.
00:52:35Uncle Charlie, I got worried about you.
00:52:37I couldn't sleep, so I called in a specialist.
00:52:39Now, this is Professor Hite. This is my Uncle Charlie.
00:52:41Oh, no.
00:52:43Nonsense. I don't need a doctor.
00:52:45I eat my own health foods.
00:52:47It's my nerves that are cracking.
00:52:49That's why I'm here, Mr. Haskell, to work on your nerves.
00:52:51Relax, please.
00:52:53Relax?
00:52:55How can anybody relax with that music going on?
00:52:57Music?
00:52:59Music?
00:53:01What music?
00:53:03That creepy music.
00:53:05Don't you hear it?
00:53:07Let me see what I may have heard.
00:53:13I tell you, I hear music.
00:53:15Maybe it's the radio in the library.
00:53:23It's not the radio.
00:53:25Do you still hear it, Uncle Charlie?
00:53:27Yes, it's still playing.
00:53:29Still playing?
00:53:31Mr. Haskell, tell me.
00:53:33Where does this music seem to be coming from?
00:53:35I don't know, but just a moment.
00:53:37I'll tell you.
00:53:43It's playing down here.
00:53:47Uncle Charlie, don't you think you'd better go back to bed?
00:53:49I tell you, Jimmy, I hear it.
00:53:53Here.
00:53:55Here it is.
00:53:57It's coming from the furnace.
00:53:59Music in furnace.
00:54:01Well, listen yourself.
00:54:03Jimmy, please tell him.
00:54:05Do you hear it?
00:54:09I'll get Parks.
00:54:11He'll get me out.
00:54:13Parks will back me up. You'll see if he don't.
00:54:15What's the matter?
00:54:19Don't tell me you don't hear anything.
00:54:21Oh, yes.
00:54:23It's about time. I was beginning to get nervous.
00:54:25It's a string quartet.
00:54:27String quartet? It's bugles.
00:54:29Bugles?
00:54:31Here's bugles on four.
00:54:33I tell you, I hear bugles.
00:54:35It's bugles.
00:54:37Don't try to humor me.
00:54:39All right, now let's go and get some air.
00:54:41You've nothing to worry about until you start seeing things.
00:54:43There's nothing wrong with me.
00:54:51Jimmy, look.
00:54:53What do you want us to see, Uncle?
00:54:55Girls dancing on the loft.
00:54:57Where?
00:54:59There.
00:55:03These paper dolls dancing on loft.
00:55:05Paper dolls.
00:55:07You're right, Jimmy.
00:55:09I'm in terrible shape.
00:55:11My nerves are all gone.
00:55:13Doctor, what do you think I'd better do?
00:55:15Mr. Haskell.
00:55:17Give your nerves a good, long rest.
00:55:19Get out of town.
00:55:21I'll do it.
00:55:23I'll go up in the woods.
00:55:25Fine, we'll help you pack.
00:55:27No, not until I find a man who threw that tomato.
00:55:29Now, Uncle Charlie,
00:55:31your health is much more important than that silly tomato.
00:55:33Yes, Mr. Haskell, that's right.
00:55:35Sure, now let me handle this.
00:55:37I'll put the finger on that fellow.
00:55:39He's as good as in jail right now.
00:55:41Almost.
00:55:43And while you're up there resting, he'll be well taken care of.
00:55:45Don't worry about that.
00:55:47And I'm the guy that can do it.
00:55:49Oh!
00:55:51What's the matter now?
00:55:53The music stopped.
00:55:55All but the bullfiddle.
00:55:57I see you're improving already.
00:55:59Yeah.
00:56:09Hi, Mr. Haskell.
00:56:11What can I do for you?
00:56:13Well, I just dropped in to see if we couldn't make
00:56:15the Haskell happiness hour a little bit happier.
00:56:17Welcome, stranger. Sit right down.
00:56:19What do you have to drink?
00:56:21Hello, Mr. Backers.
00:56:23What's the purpose of this meeting?
00:56:25Well, we were about to discuss the program.
00:56:27You know very well that I have charge of the happiness hour
00:56:29during Mr. Haskell's absence.
00:56:31He trusts me implicitly.
00:56:33Well, not 100%.
00:56:35I beg your pardon.
00:56:37Look, I have a note from my uncle
00:56:39giving me complete charge of the program.
00:56:41Well, it didn't take you long to undermine me with your uncle, did it?
00:56:43How do I know you didn't write that yourself?
00:56:45Hey, would you excuse us a minute?
00:56:47I'd like to talk to you.
00:56:49Yes, we had better talk ourselves.
00:56:51Be right back.
00:56:55Oh!
00:56:59I'd like to make some other improvements, too.
00:57:01Go right ahead.
00:57:03Well, I'd like to use a band.
00:57:05No, no, no, please, no. We're overloaded with bands.
00:57:07No, but this is ideal because my uncle hates it.
00:57:09What?
00:57:11Yeah, drove him clear up to Canada.
00:57:13Oh, well, it's pretty hard to explain,
00:57:15but you see, it'll give the band a break,
00:57:17and then they'll have to thank my uncle for it,
00:57:19and that'll make him feel pretty good.
00:57:21Up in Canada?
00:57:23Up in Canada, and there's sort of a feud going on.
00:57:25A feud?
00:57:27Uh-huh, and then there's a girl.
00:57:29Oh, a girl.
00:57:31Yeah.
00:57:33Sounds pretty confusing, doesn't it?
00:57:35Well, no, it sounds pretty good.
00:57:37Well, that's it.
00:57:39You play Thursday night over a coast-to-coast hookup
00:57:41at the discovery club.
00:57:43That's great, Jim. How did you ever do it?
00:57:45Well, I don't know. I just started to talk.
00:57:47The fellow listened.
00:57:49I'm just as surprised about it as you are.
00:57:51How much did we get for it?
00:57:53Uh, nothing.
00:57:55Nothing?
00:57:57No, you don't get anything.
00:57:59Oh.
00:58:01Well, what of it?
00:58:03Is it any different than playing for the neighbors in Old Man Haskell?
00:58:05What do we get out of that?
00:58:07At least this way, there's a chance.
00:58:10Hey, give me a push.
00:58:12Bonsoir, monsieur.
00:58:14What did he say?
00:58:16Bonsoir, monsieur.
00:58:18And you made me drag this pack through the woods for four hours
00:58:21to get to a place where nobody can talk English.
00:58:24What kind of a guide are you, anyway?
00:58:26Hey, here I come.
00:58:28Avez-vous machine talkie-talkie?
00:58:31Uh, no, I don't think so.
00:58:33I've never seen one.
00:58:35Avez-vous machine talkie-talkie?
00:58:37Uh, no, I don't think so.
00:58:39I've got a good one right there.
00:58:41I'm not a peddler. This one is busted.
00:58:43I want to hear a program in America that goes on at 8 o'clock.
00:58:47Well, help yourself.
00:58:51Here, get this avalanche off my back.
00:58:54Oui, monsieur.
00:58:56Oui, monsieur.
00:59:06Refrain
00:59:22Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
00:59:24That's all right now. We're about to start our broadcast.
00:59:28Well, boys, here we go.
00:59:30Good luck.
00:59:32What, are you scared?
00:59:34Now, just take a deep breath.
00:59:36Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
00:59:43The Haskell Happiness Hour comes to you tonight
00:59:46from the dining patio of the exclusive Eastchester Country Club.
00:59:49Country Club?
00:59:50What is it?
00:59:51This marks the first appearance on the air
00:59:53of a new band, Horace Hite.
00:59:55Music?
00:59:56On my program?
00:59:57Thank you and good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
00:59:59This is Horace Hite,
01:00:01and the first number on our program is Broadway Cavaliero,
01:00:04featuring Miss Molly McCorkle.
01:00:06McCorkle!
01:00:08And here she is, the charming Molly.
01:00:17He's disarming, alarming, charming and gay.
01:00:22First he steals your heart, then he throws it away.
01:00:27He will tell you of tropical nights,
01:00:30make you dream of a thousand delights.
01:00:32First you hold your hand, say you're simply grand,
01:00:35and soon you think in his way.
01:00:49Cavaliero!
01:01:03He's never been south of the border.
01:01:06He's never been Argentine way.
01:01:08But when he starts to pet, the chances are he'll forget
01:01:11that he's a Cavaliero from Broadway.
01:01:14South on Broadway.
01:01:16He'll hold you and say,
01:01:18Senorita, right here in my arms you must stay.
01:01:21And from his dialect, I know you'd never suspect
01:01:24that he's a Cavaliero from Broadway.
01:01:27South on Broadway.
01:01:29His day time, he spends parading on the avenue.
01:01:34Then later, you'll always find me with a girl or two
01:01:39and a third in view.
01:01:40He'll take you through all the gay places.
01:01:43He'll make every Latin cafe.
01:01:45He'll give you such a thrill.
01:01:46And then he'll hand you the bill,
01:01:48this charming Cavaliero from Broadway.
01:01:51South on Broadway.
01:01:58When Madame Lozango learned the conga, I swear,
01:02:01I gave her the lessons and I gave her the air.
01:02:04It seemed to be love in bloom.
01:02:05Suddenly, boom, another girl took over from there.
01:02:09I know if you meet him, you are likely to fall.
01:02:12His methods are sensed because it catches them all.
01:02:14He'll sing you a serenade tenderly played upon
01:02:17an old mail order gift card.
01:02:25He'll bring up the subject of dancing
01:02:27and all of his pupils will say,
01:02:29he's such an awful crumper.
01:02:31No one dances a rumper like the Cavaliero from Broadway.
01:02:35South on Broadway.
01:02:39He'll tell you he lives in Argentina's biggest house.
01:02:45But we know his assient is a boarding house
01:02:49run by Sanger Kraus.
01:02:51He's not an impetuous fellow.
01:02:53He's like a dog having his day.
01:02:56This phony Don D'Amico, he's got a big mouth.
01:03:00He'll tell you he lives in Argentina's biggest house.
01:03:05He's like a dog having his day.
01:03:07This phony Don D'Amico really comes from Oswego
01:03:10for a Cavaliero from Broadway.
01:03:13He does okay.
01:03:35He's like a dog having his day.
01:04:06This phony Don D'Amico really comes from Oswego
01:04:10for a Cavaliero from Broadway.
01:04:13He's like a dog having his day.
01:04:16This phony Don D'Amico really comes from Oswego
01:04:20for a Cavaliero from Broadway.
01:04:23He's like a dog having his day.
01:04:26This phony Don D'Amico really comes from Oswego
01:04:30for a Cavaliero from Broadway.
01:04:33♫
01:04:53You better lock your heart
01:04:55and live it there and fine
01:04:56and let it just dispise all your troubles
01:04:58You figure out, that's what you're due for
01:05:00We are the Chum Chum Song Band!
01:05:02We are the Chum Chum Song Band!
01:05:07Ah!
01:05:19Molly, Molly, you were wonderful.
01:05:21Here, you better put this on before you catch a cold.
01:05:22You know what Lotteman said?
01:05:24Lotteman said the band was worth $1,500 a week right now.
01:05:271,500 a week?
01:05:28Yeah.
01:05:29I've been double-crossed.
01:05:30Get me a drink.
01:05:31Bands, country clubs, the McCorkles.
01:05:34Get me a drink, do you hear?
01:05:36And now, I want to tell you something.
01:05:38Well, it certainly took you long enough to get around to it.
01:05:41Now, this is just something that's been worrying me.
01:05:44You don't know anything about me, who I am.
01:05:46Well, as if that made any difference.
01:05:48You're you, and I'm me.
01:05:49Well, I think I'd better tell you about this.
01:05:51Oh, there you are.
01:05:52Oh, Paul.
01:05:53Looks like you made quite an impression.
01:05:54Well, it'll be a different story when
01:05:55I tell your uncle about it.
01:05:56Believe me, CJ won't pay for your philandering.
01:06:02Is Haskell your uncle?
01:06:03Yes, now, that's what I've been trying to tell you.
01:06:04If you'll just let me explain.
01:06:06I don't need any explanation.
01:06:07It's all perfectly obvious.
01:06:09Sneaking into our home, pretending that you wanted
01:06:10to help us, and then making me think that you'd go.
01:06:12Well, now, wait a minute, will you please let me explain?
01:06:14What a cheap trick.
01:06:15You are a Haskell.
01:06:16Hey, now, Molly, quiet.
01:06:17They can hear you out here.
01:06:19That's fine.
01:06:20Hello, everybody.
01:06:21I have some good news for you.
01:06:23Every week beginning next Thursday,
01:06:25Mr. Haskell, the sponsor of our program,
01:06:28is going to give away $1,000 in cash to somebody.
01:06:31$1,000 a week?
01:06:33That's a lie.
01:06:35Isn't that generous, folks?
01:06:41Now, Mr. Haskell, trick your way out of that.
01:06:50I've got to get back home.
01:06:51How long is it going to take me to get out of here?
01:06:53Well, first portage take two days.
01:06:55How long take you to get here?
01:06:56A week.
01:06:58Good luck.
01:06:59You can make it back in a week.
01:06:59A week?
01:07:01Let's get started.
01:07:04Jimmy.
01:07:05Jimmy.
01:07:06Jimmy, my boy, congratulations.
01:07:08That was a marvelous idea.
01:07:09How did you come to think of it?
01:07:11Just came out of a clear sky.
01:07:13The Haskell Happiness Hour created
01:07:15nationwide interest in this program
01:07:16last night by announcing that $1,000 a week
01:07:19would be given away in cash.
01:07:20I know.
01:07:21I read all the papers.
01:07:22Here's Mr. Haskell.
01:07:23Morning.
01:07:25This is your uncle's attorney, Mr. Chalmers.
01:07:26Good morning.
01:07:27How do you do, sir?
01:07:28I won't take much of your time.
01:07:29Just sign this paper, please.
01:07:30What is it?
01:07:31A statement that you did not authorize
01:07:33Miss McCorkle to make that announcement last night,
01:07:35that she did it out of spite with intent
01:07:36to damage your uncle.
01:07:37I'm sorry, sir.
01:07:38I'm sorry.
01:07:39I'm sorry.
01:07:40You did it out of spite with intent to damage your uncle.
01:07:42Now sign here, please.
01:07:43Oh, now, wait a minute.
01:07:45There's nothing to worry about.
01:07:46I'll guarantee that we can get judgment
01:07:48against the McCorkles.
01:07:49They won't be able to pay, so we take their property.
01:07:52And that's what your uncle's been trying to do for years.
01:07:55Now sign here, please.
01:07:56It's a funny thing.
01:07:57I don't like to get pushed around.
01:07:58I also don't sign anything until I read it first.
01:08:01Now, how'd you like to get out of here, both of you?
01:08:03Don't you hit me again.
01:08:04I have my gloves.
01:08:06Mr. Haskell, your uncle did it.
01:08:08Good day, sir.
01:08:09Good day.
01:08:10Good day.
01:08:19Beautiful park.
01:08:20Thank you, sir.
01:08:25Why don't you answer the phone?
01:08:29Hello?
01:08:30Oh, Tiffany, my boy, how are you?
01:08:33Oh, you want to talk to Molly?
01:08:37a very good time to. Just the moment. I'm not doing it for
01:08:45him. Well look I hate to annoy you but this is
01:08:52important about thousand dollar offer you made last night it was my idea to understand
01:08:58not just don't argue and if I ask you anything about it just follow Grady's advice.
01:09:04Don't you tell me to keep my mouth shut why should I well if you don't they'll take
01:09:08your home away from me but if there's another one of your tricks I don't need any
01:09:11help from you but I said don't be stupid I'm not doing it for you this is for mom
01:09:16and the boys. Excuse me Mr Louderman and Mr Samson
01:09:22a call all have a comment. Hello Jimmy
01:09:28congratulations your program was
01:09:30a knockout telegrams phone calls from all over the country people who I beg your
01:09:35pardon this is Mr Samson I don't miss. Yes thank you Mr Samson is an investigator
01:09:40for the federal government. Government got to do with it we were only concerned
01:09:46with one detail the method by which you will give away the money oh I say well that
01:09:50ought to be very hard I never heard of anybody having any trouble giving away
01:09:53a thousand dollars I say you understand that it cannot be
01:09:57a lottery government wouldn't permit raffles or drawings of any description oh yes I
01:10:02understand that and all that would be. Well how about
01:10:07a quiz contest now I'm afraid not it was announced that the money would be given
01:10:12away over the air not to
01:10:14a studio audience. Well that sort of complicates it. Say well.
01:10:21Well how about taking
01:10:22a city directory and sticking a pen and then give the thousand dollars to the
01:10:25follow the get stuck on all the city director is local this has become
01:10:30a national affair oh well let's call the whole thing off and not give away my
01:10:34uncle's money at all not all the money was promised and must be given away yes if
01:10:38it isn't why my company loses its franchise and your uncle's business is ruined and
01:10:43you will be liable to a fine and imprisonment that's great. I have quite
01:10:50a choice don't I either I give the money away and go to jail or I don't give the
01:10:54money away and go to jail. I'm going to start.
01:11:04Still moaning about Jimmy. Believe me you've seen the last of them and he's probably
01:11:09glad he found out just what kind of
01:11:11a girl you really are right now but it's not all right I find loudly Jimmy deserves
01:11:16a girl who really loves him whether he's named the Hamilton has
01:11:20a lot of or hasn't said. Well I hope you're satisfied but I'm not going to know
01:11:28nobody can figure out how to give away that thousand dollars looks like Jimmy's going
01:11:32to jail on account of this is awful but Jimmy is responsible he didn't make the offer
01:11:37I did well he says it's his program and he's going to take the rap and are you going
01:11:41to stand by and see that boy go to jail Jimmy told me I know what he told you and
01:11:46why to keep
01:11:47a roof over our heads well I'd rather we'd lose our house than lose our pride.
01:11:57I've been feeling the same way all week.
01:12:04Yes no I guess. Someone's got to think of something somehow
01:12:11and soon it's tonight you know the program goes on the air not next month. And we're
01:12:17no closer to the answer than we were a week ago. Yes I got it.
01:12:24My boy it came to me just like that what is it look we'll get that ball you know that
01:12:27great big glass ball they use for the draft numbers great that's it yeah boy I'm proud
01:12:32of you that'll do it no no gentlemen no no what's the matter would be
01:12:35a lottery in the government for these lotteries no no not yet OK I'll go back see
01:12:41if I can't dream up something else you're not sleeping up there are you sleeping I'm
01:12:44slept for days I'm eating aspirin tablets like peanuts I don't want I've got it the
01:12:49first time I've ever been able to beat this game. Yes look why don't you all go down
01:12:56to the broadcasting station maybe if I was alone I could thank us OK Jimmy we'll get
01:13:00it out come on yes no yeah would you put that thing off the hook and leave it off
01:13:07thank you sir. Are you all right Jimmy Oh yes yeah I'm just beginning to get my
01:13:14second when you better think of something.
01:13:16And.
01:13:29Seven thirty hurt Jimmy yet no nobody answers the phone how are we to go in the air
01:13:33rather when the times indicate eight o'clock you're on the air from coast to coast.
01:13:46And. Coming to ask.
01:13:58Well it's about time I didn't answer the telephone and met him yes. Well how do you
01:14:04like. Come on wake up come on get up get up when you can't do it
01:14:11against the law it's Molly get up. You
01:14:18get to me now come on. I suppose you want to know how I'm going to give away that
01:14:22thousand dollars well I have the slightest idea and I'll go home go home. You come
01:14:29down out of there as fast as you can on your feet big boy if you think the McCorkles
01:14:34are going to let any half go fight their battles for them you're
01:14:36a cuckoo if you think I have to let the cork was picked up around your cuckoo to
01:14:40not want to go away. Still going to sleep. Just
01:14:47a second don't you get mad at me you can't do that with
01:14:51a telephone. So what do you think you're doing I'm going to tell the government
01:14:59man exactly what happened. I made up my mind.
01:15:04I'm not going to go no I won't all right. Telephones.
01:15:13That's it that's why I'm spinning around millions of telephones millions of
01:15:18telephone books. And it's not a lot of you.
01:15:34The Haskell happiness hour presents the radio sensation of the nation a pot of gold
01:15:38featuring Horace Hyde and his musical night.
01:15:44And don't forget ladies and gentlemen before this program is over we will give away
01:15:48one thousand dollars in cash the method of giving it will be announced later.
01:16:04I.
01:16:11Did you stop the program I couldn't it's on the air now I'll stop it if I have to
01:16:15tear down the studio I did I ever go in the radio business to begin with you mean
01:16:20where have you been if you've got
01:16:21an idea this is a type of what are they telephone books from all over the country
01:16:25getting here. Are you going to rest on.
01:16:33Me.
01:16:42We're going to give the money away by telephone you understand you've got the
01:16:45books in the section five hundred pages each one OK.
01:16:55After you thank you.
01:16:56Thank. You.
01:17:01My God come on Mark we have to go.
01:17:11Ladies and gentlemen of the listening audience here's the news you've been waiting
01:17:15for. A thousand dollars we promise you will be given away by telephone so stand
01:17:19by Hey that's my money you're giving away and I won't stand for it I'll cancel my
01:17:24contract. I'll telephone you get me to a telephone.
01:17:31How we're going to borrow it.
01:17:37You to go around the back when I get to know can you borrow it OK what's with
01:17:40the smoke get going.
01:17:50Where have you been my.
01:17:54The way you did. I don't mind why you're not my snooki at all.
01:18:02A character like that where we don't I don't know.
01:18:08Please.
01:18:25I don't want to let me use your telephone.
01:18:32Go away you can't no one uses this phone I give away that thousand dollars.
01:18:38Daniel.
01:18:55Thank. You.
01:18:59For on the air.
01:19:06I you can't go in there this I know you know if I'm going to let go I hope this
01:19:10I know you know. When did you get in town. I want to talk to you.
01:19:21And now ladies and gentlemen the wheel is already already for the first spend
01:19:24a spending to determine the volume number Larry got to take it away and there's
01:19:27a lot of ladies and gentlemen this time after that first big volume number.
01:19:34And furthermore I'm not going to give away one penny OK but I've got three men in
01:19:40the sponsor's room right now who are begging to buy this program I think they must
01:19:44be crazy oh is that so well they represent the biggest advertising agencies in this
01:19:49country. But. We want you to be the one that is going to call
01:19:56a little bit later she's going down to get this money coming back to the little bit
01:19:59further and on and on and on and it's
01:20:01a hundred and twenty four one twenty four.
01:20:12Now we're all ready for the second spin the spin to determine the page number Larry
01:20:15let her go. And there we go ladies and gentlemen the second spin the one to find
01:20:20the page in that volume we chose just a moment ago the one page that will have
01:20:23that one thousand dollar pot of gold and name on it. Gentlemen this is Mr. Haskell.
01:20:27How are you doing gentlemen? The surest fire advertising stunt I've ever seen. You want to sell it? Is it good?
01:20:32I'll give you twenty thousand for it right now. Is it that good? I'd like a thirty.
01:20:37Trying to steal it huh? And she's going down already just to find the right page and there she's stopping and it's page sixty six.
01:20:44Sixty six. I got it.
01:20:51And now the third and last spin to determine the name of the person on that page who will receive the actual golden telephone call. Larry take it away.
01:21:00There we go ladies and gentlemen this time through all of the names on our chosen page in our chosen volume to find just the one right name that we can send this one thousand dollar pot of gold to.
01:21:08She's down at the bottom and coming back a little bit slowing down more and more and more and more and there it is
01:21:13our listing is thirty eight. Listing number thirty eight.
01:21:20Ten.
01:21:21Twenty.
01:21:23Thirty. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. It's a. What?
01:21:29The name is Mr. Olaf Swenson three R.J. ring seven. Ring seven?
01:21:37Plunkett. Plunkett Minnesota. Plunkett Minnesota.
01:21:42Operator kindly give me Mr. Olaf Swenson three R.J. ring seven. Plunkett Minnesota.
01:21:48That's right.
01:22:03All right Coleman keep going.
01:22:07Yeah hello. Stop the clock boy stop the clock.
01:22:10Hello is this Mr. Olaf Swenson speaking?
01:22:13Yeah. Yeah that's me Olaf.
01:22:16A pot of what?
01:22:19A thousand you give me?
01:22:22There ain't got no time for monkey business.
01:22:26Huh?
01:22:28You give me a thousand dollar?
01:22:33Hold up.
01:22:36Look why'd you make my oldie faint?
01:22:39What?
01:22:41A. A toast?
01:22:44Oh.
01:22:46Hello? Hello? Hello?
01:22:50Folks they're speechless.
01:22:53It's a million dollar idea and it's all mine all mine.
01:22:57Oh so they brought you back alive did they?
01:23:00What are you doing here?
01:23:02What are you doing here?
01:23:04I'm enjoying our program.
01:23:06Your program? What are you trying to put over on me now?
01:23:09It belongs to me you understand?
01:23:11It does does it? Why the whole thing was Molly's idea.
01:23:14Molly's idea?
01:23:16Who is Molly?
01:23:18It's all right. We got you out of a whole mess.
01:23:21You're not liable for anything connected with the program.
01:23:23We fixed it so Miss McCorkle is responsible for the whole thing.
01:23:26You nitwit. You nitwit.
01:23:29Get out of here.
01:23:31Get out of here.
01:23:35That's one of them Charlie.
01:23:37Charlie.
01:23:42And Molly is responsible for the whole thing.
01:23:45Yeah.
01:23:46Where you going?
01:23:47Out.
01:23:48Oh.
01:23:50Horace got the call through on the telephone so I guess everything's fine.
01:23:55Yes. Everything's fine.
01:23:57Yeah.
01:23:59Well I guess it's just one of those things.
01:24:02The McCorkles are allergic to the Haskells.
01:24:05Vice versa.
01:24:06Yeah. Vice versa.
01:24:09It's about Molly.
01:24:11All right.
01:24:14Well Jimmy.
01:24:15Uncle Charlie.
01:24:16Oh you come with me.
01:24:17Come on. You were in on this too.
01:24:19Come on.
01:24:23Ladies and gentlemen.
01:24:25I want to introduce the two young people who originated this program.
01:24:28And which will be a permanent feature of the Haskell Happiness Hour.
01:24:33Miss Molly McCorkle.
01:24:35And my nephew Mr. James Haskell.
01:24:40Say something. Tell them how happy you are.
01:24:43Hello everybody.
01:24:45I just want to tell you how happy I am that everything turned out so well for everybody.
01:24:50Uh. Ladies and gentlemen.
01:24:52The reason she's so happy is that we're going to be married any second now.
01:24:55All right Miss McCorkle. Trick your way out of that one.
01:24:59Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do
01:25:29Thank you for watching!
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