- 5 months ago
Films in Public Domain
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00:00The Lucy Show
00:11Starring Lucille Ball
00:18Co-starring Gail Gordon
00:30Hello, Mary Jane.
00:56Go to the beach.
00:58Are you kidding?
01:00Well, it sounds wonderful, but I have to work.
01:03Yes, on a Saturday, yes.
01:05Now, wait a minute, wait a minute.
01:08That's not fair comparing Mr. Mooney to Simon Legree.
01:13No, no, I'm not defending Mr. Mooney.
01:15I'm defending Simon Legree.
01:18No, I can't sneak away because Mr. Mooney's working right here with me.
01:23Yeah, he just went out to get me a sandwich.
01:26Take him to the beach with us. Are you kidding?
01:28All he thinks about is work, work, work, not having any fun.
01:33Of course, it might be very nice taking him to the beach and burying him in the sand head first.
01:38I think I hear the old slave driver coming by.
01:42You needn't listen at the door, Mr. Mooney. Come on in. I'm working.
01:59I was not listening at the door.
02:11And how come you heard what I said?
02:13Here's your sandwich.
02:19That will be 35 cents.
02:23Uh, well, maybe I can put it on my expense account.
02:26Thank you, Mr. Mooney.
02:28Just, just, don't, don't start eating it yet.
02:30There's 20 minutes before lunchtime.
02:32Oh, for heaven's sake.
02:34Well, now, I have another letter I want you to take down.
02:36It's very important.
02:37But I haven't even finished these yet.
02:39Well, just forget that, forget that for the moment.
02:40Now, this is to Jones Jones and Becker.
02:43Dear sirs, in regard to that contract you referred to in your letter of the...
02:48Oh.
02:49What's, what's the matter?
02:50Writer's cramp.
02:51Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
02:52Well, now, if you'd like to rest, Mrs. Carmichael, we can take a two-minute break.
02:57Thank you very much.
02:59I really don't see why we have to work on a Saturday.
03:02We have to work on Saturday because of all the time you wasted on Friday.
03:07What do you mean, wasted?
03:08A secretary's entitled to a lunch hour, isn't she?
03:11From 11 a.m. to 3 p.m.?
03:14Oh, all right, so I took a long lunch hour.
03:17It's only because I missed the morning coffee break.
03:19That was because you got to work so late the coffee break was over.
03:23Oh, that's not true, Mr. Mooney.
03:25Oh, yes, it is.
03:26You're always late.
03:27You know you...
03:28Mrs. Carmichael, I don't want you to work on Saturday.
03:31I don't want to get angry with you because I do appreciate the fact
03:34that you agreed to let me come over here and work in your apartment today.
03:38Oh, that's all right.
03:39I just still can't understand why they don't give you a key to the bank.
03:43They won't even give me a key to the washroom.
03:50Excuse me.
03:54Oh, good morning, Joe.
03:55Good morning.
03:56Five cents due on this one.
03:57Oh, okay, okay.
03:59Must be a letter from my son Jimmy.
04:01How can you tell?
04:02Well, he writes to me all the time from school, but he won't spend any of his allowance on stamps.
04:08Here you are.
04:09Thanks a lot, Joe.
04:11Bye-bye.
04:12Yeah, it's from my son Jimmy, all right.
04:15Dear Mom, our school has a new rule where we have to write at least one letter home every week.
04:26This is it.
04:28Yours truly, your son Jimmy Carmichael.
04:32P.S.
04:33If you don't get this letter, let me know so I can write another one.
04:36Isn't that adorable, Mr. Mooney?
04:39It's adorable, but it's not worth a nickel.
04:45Well, shall we get back to work now?
04:47Yes, sir.
04:48As soon as I read this other letter, my goodness, this looks official.
04:51Oh?
04:52It's from the United States government.
04:54Oh.
04:56Oh, no.
04:59This is unbelievable.
05:01They want you to pay more income tax.
05:04No, worse than that.
05:06Nothing can be worse than paying more income tax.
05:09Yes, it can.
05:10I've been drafted.
05:11You've been what?
05:12Drafted.
05:13Oh, that's ridiculous.
05:15Let me see that.
05:16There must be a mistake.
05:18Oh, well, of course.
05:20Now, this isn't addressed to Lucy Carmichael.
05:23It's addressed to Lou C. Carmichael.
05:27Oh, thank goodness.
05:29Had me worried for a second.
05:31Yeah.
05:32Oh, for heaven's sake.
05:33What are you doing?
05:34Throwing it away.
05:36You can't throw away a letter from the United States government.
05:40Well, for heaven's sake, it's an obvious mistake.
05:42Well, I realize that, but you can't just ignore it.
05:45Now, we'll have to go down to the induction center
05:47and get this straightened out right away.
05:50Oh, no.
05:51This is ridiculous drafting a woman.
05:54Well, I agree with you.
05:55It's silly.
05:56It's silly, but we can't ignore this.
05:58Now, we have got to go down and straighten it out.
06:00When they find out that you're a woman, I'm sure it'll all be settled.
06:03Well, I hope so.
06:04Do you think I'm going to have to go through a lot of red tape and...
06:07Well, I know something about military matters.
06:10I'll go along with you.
06:12Oh, well, thank you very much.
06:13Now, you come along now right away.
06:14Hurry up.
06:15Gosh, imagine a thing like that.
06:17Yes.
06:18Imagine putting me in the army.
06:20Don't worry.
06:21You'll never pass the physical.
06:22Come in.
06:23Yes.
06:24Yes, sir.
06:25I am here about this induction notice.
06:27You got drafted?
06:28Sir, you don't understand.
06:30Hey, please, miss.
06:31Let your father talk for himself.
06:32I am not her father.
06:33Now, about this induction notice.
06:34Mr. Drafting you is the most ridiculous thing I ever heard.
06:35Come in.
06:39Yes, sir.
06:41I am here about this induction notice.
06:44You got drafted?
06:46Sir, you don't understand.
06:48Please, miss, let your father talk for himself.
06:54I am not her father.
06:56Now, about this induction notice.
06:58Mister, drafting you is the most ridiculous thing I ever heard.
07:01You think that's ridiculous?
07:03Wait till you hear this.
07:04What?
07:05I'm the one that's being drafted.
07:08Let me see that notice.
07:12Now, see, it's addressed to Lucy Carmichael.
07:15But I'm not Lucy Carmichael.
07:18I'm Lucy Carmichael.
07:19I'm a girl.
07:21Yeah, when you came in, I noticed you were rounder than most of the guys.
07:27Let me check my records.
07:29Baden-Barden, Browns, Burns, Campbell, there we are.
07:32Carmichael.
07:33Lucy Carmichael.
07:34Now then, Lieutenant, I suggest that you get in touch with your superior officers immediately.
07:39Now, just a second, buddy.
07:41Don't come in here and start giving me orders.
07:43That's the trouble with you civilians.
07:44You think you know everything.
07:46I want you to understand, sir, that I was an officer during the last war.
07:51Really?
07:52On which side?
07:56I mean, sir, look, this is my boss, Mr. Theodore J. Mooney, and he just came down here to help me straighten this out.
08:02Well, you could have straightened it out yourself.
08:03It's obviously a mistake.
08:04Oh, well, good then.
08:05We can go.
08:06Thank you very much.
08:07Halt!
08:08Come out!
08:09Face!
08:10Now, there's no doubt that this is a mistake.
08:11Well, then why can't I leave?
08:12Because my orders call for a Lucy Carmichael to be inducted.
08:25Unless those orders are changed by someone higher up, Lucy Carmichael is going to be inducted.
08:31I've got Lucy.
08:32I'm Lucy.
08:33You said yourself it was a mistake.
08:36I know, but I haven't got the authority to change it.
08:38This is the Army.
08:39We go by rules and regulations.
08:41And unless my orders are changed, you are in the Army.
08:45This is all a terrible mistake.
08:48Oh, what's so terrible about it?
08:50Why not look at the bright side?
08:52What bright side?
08:53Well, you're bound to be the most popular soldier in your barracks.
09:01Okay, son, you pass the physical, finish dressing, and report to room 203.
09:10Yes, sir.
09:15Next.
09:27Name?
09:28Uh, look, sir, this thing is a hole.
09:30Name?
09:31Listen, I'm trying to tell you this thing is a mistake.
09:33Name?
09:34Carmichael.
09:35Strip to your shorts, Carmichael.
09:36I will not.
09:39What some guys won't do to stay out of the arms.
09:53I am not a guy.
09:55I'm a girl.
09:56My name is Lucy.
09:57L-U-C-Y.
09:58I got an induction notice that was supposed to be for a man named Lou C.
10:03Lou period.
10:04C period.
10:05This whole thing is a silly mistake.
10:07Well, of course it's a mistake.
10:09Oh, well, good.
10:10Can I go?
10:11Well, I'm afraid I can't let you go now because I...
10:13Well, in case you haven't got the authority.
10:16That's right.
10:17And because there are rules and regulations.
10:19That's right.
10:20And you have to follow orders.
10:21Yeah.
10:22And because you have to take it to someone higher up.
10:25And that may take weeks.
10:28Well, what am I supposed to do until then, doctor?
10:31Till then?
10:32You're in the army.
10:33I am not in the army.
10:35I don't want to be in the army.
10:37All right.
10:38Now...
10:39That's not fair.
10:40I don't want to be in the army.
10:41Calm down.
10:42Calm down.
10:43The army never hurt anybody.
10:44It'll do you a lot of good.
10:45It'll make a man out of you.
10:50What I mean is we'll rectify this mistake just as soon as possible.
10:53I'll get your complete file here.
10:55We'll wire all the facts to the Pentagon in Washington.
10:58And they'll straighten it out in no time.
11:00Let's see.
11:01Carmichael.
11:02Carmichael, Carm...
11:03Ah!
11:04Here we...
11:05Here we are.
11:06Carmichael.
11:07Lucy...
11:08Wait a minute.
11:09You are definitely not supposed to be in the army.
11:13Of course not.
11:14You're in the Marine.
11:28I feel naked.
11:30I think they used a lawn mower on me.
11:45What are you bawling about, Mac?
11:48My hair.
11:49They cut off my hair.
11:52So what?
11:53They cut mine too and mine was longer than yours.
11:58All right, you guys!
12:00Put your hats on and fall in!
12:10Get off!
12:11One!
12:12Two!
12:13Three!
12:14Five!
12:15Six!
12:16Seven!
12:17Eight!
12:18Nine!
12:19Okay!
12:20Okay!
12:21Who's the wise guy with the phony voice?
12:23It's me.
12:24And I'm not a guy.
12:25I'm a girl.
12:26A girl?
12:27I told you the Marine Corps is better than the army.
12:30I can't knock it off!
12:32What you doing here?
12:34No, I'm here because of a mistake.
12:36It better be a mistake!
12:37What happened?
12:38Well, I was working with my boss one, you know, Saturday morning in my apartment and that's
12:43because I missed my coffee break and, well, we had to work.
12:46Anyway, I got this draft notice and it was for a Lucy Carmichael and my name is Lucy Carmichael
12:52and I'm a girl.
12:53And Lucy Carmichael is a man, I guess.
12:57Unless maybe Lou is short for Louise.
12:59In that case, boy, there's really been a mistake made because...
13:02Get it!
13:03Get it!
13:04Call it!
13:05But I don't belong here, sir.
13:07Please let me go home.
13:08Look!
13:09I can't even let me go home!
13:11But it's all a big mistake!
13:14I can see that, but I gotta follow regulations.
13:17Take your case up with the Lieutenant.
13:20He'll take it up with the Captain.
13:21He'll take it up with the Major.
13:23He'll take it up with the General.
13:24And he'll take it up with the Pentagon.
13:26And what happens then?
13:28I don't know.
13:29I never get past the Lieutenant.
13:31But Sergeant, look...
13:34But until we hear from the Pentagon, you're gonna be treated like every other guy in this outfit.
13:41A regulation is a regulation.
13:44I got orders to make Marines out of you boots.
13:47And that's what I'm gonna do.
13:49Fall in!
13:51We're gonna start with the manual of ours.
13:56Carmichael, why didn't you get a rifle?
13:58Because I think it's silly for me to go through all this physical training.
14:02Good.
14:07Oh, now you did it.
14:08Now you did it.
14:16Did what?
14:17You ruined my manicure.
14:22What do you think you're doing?
14:23I'm putting on my gloves.
14:25I paid two dollars for that manicure.
14:27Plus a 50 cent tip.
14:30Yellow gloves are not regulation.
14:31Well, neither am I regulation.
14:34Okay, okay.
14:35Just get back in line.
14:41There's no need to yell.
14:49Just follow orders and I won't yell.
14:51Now, man.
14:52Your rifle is your best friend.
14:54You take care of it, it will take care of you.
14:56And remember, a dirty rifle is a no good rifle.
15:00So the first thing to do is to make sure your rifle is safe and clean.
15:05So, check your rifle.
15:11Carmichael, pick up that rifle.
15:13I don't want to.
15:14I said pick up that rifle.
15:15I will pick up that rifle when I get good and ready.
15:28Are you ready?
15:29Yeah, I'm ready.
15:30Sergeant Pierce, front and center, please.
15:31Now listen.
15:32The sergeant's going to go through the basic moves of the manual of arms while I call off the orders.
15:41And he's only going to do it once.
15:42So you better be sure you watch close because they expect you guys to do it perfect.
15:46All right, sergeant.
15:47Present.
15:48Ha!
15:49Order.
15:50Ha!
15:51Right shoulder.
15:52Ha!
15:53Right shoulder.
15:54Ha!
15:55Left shoulder.
15:56Ha!
15:57Order.
15:58Red.
15:59Now, any questions?
16:00Perfect.
16:01All right, Sergeant.
16:03Present.
16:04Hooray.
16:05Hooray.
16:06Hooray.
16:07Hooray.
16:08Right shoulder.
16:09Hooray.
16:10Left shoulder.
16:11Hooray.
16:12Hooray.
16:13Hooray.
16:14Hooray.
16:15Hooray.
16:16Hooray.
16:17Hooray.
16:18Hooray.
16:19Hooray.
16:20Hooray.
16:21Now.
16:22Any questions?
16:23Yes, can I see him do it one more time?
16:28That was it, Carmichael.
16:32Thank you, Sergeant.
16:33Well, I certainly didn't get very much out of that snappy little drill, did you?
16:37Were you able to get that that fast, for heaven's sake?
16:41Kitchen.
16:43Present.
16:45Hooray.
16:46Hooray.
16:47Hooray.
16:48Hooray.
16:49Hooray.
16:50Hooray.
16:51Hooray.
16:52Hooray.
16:53Hooray.
16:54Hooray.
16:55Hooray.
16:56Hooray.
16:57Hooray.
16:58Hooray.
16:59Hooray.
17:00Hooray.
17:01Hooray.
17:02Hooray.
17:03Hooray.
17:04What?
17:05Carmichael.
17:06With you in the service, we'll run out of purple hearts in a week.
17:10Hooray.
17:11Hooray.
17:12Hooray.
17:13Hooray.
17:14Hooray.
17:15Hooray.
17:16Hooray.
17:17Hooray.
17:18What's the last thing we did?
17:19I hit him in the head and then I hit him in the stomach.
17:22I don't mean that.
17:24Where were we in the manual of arms?
17:26Right shoulder arms, sir.
17:27That's right.
17:28All right.
17:29Right shoulder.
17:30Hey.
17:33This shoulder.
17:34Hey.
17:38Over there.
17:39Hey.
17:42Oh.
17:43Sergeant.
17:44You're supposed to be teaching these men the manual of arms.
17:57Not square dancing.
17:58Hot.
17:59Three.
18:00Four.
18:01Hot.
18:02Two.
18:03Three.
18:04Four.
18:05Hot.
18:06Hot.
18:07Hot.
18:08Hot.
18:09Hot.
18:10Hot.
18:11Hot.
18:12Hot.
18:13Hot.
18:14Hot.
18:15Hot.
18:16Hot.
18:17Hot.
18:18Hot.
18:19Right.
18:20Hey.
18:21Carmichael, you're supposed to be at attention.
18:24Carmichael, you're supposed to be at attention.
18:27I am at attention.
18:29My field pack's at ease.
18:31Ground your packs.
18:39Oh, come on.
18:41And on your feet, Carmichael,
18:43it was only a 12-mile hike.
18:45It was only a 12-mile hike.
18:50Come on, come on.
18:52Come in.
18:54This is the obstacle course.
18:56Yeah, I can see that.
18:58And, Sergeant, I want to tell you,
18:59this is ridiculous making me go through this obstacle course.
19:03I am not going to be here...
19:05Until we hear from the Pentagon,
19:08you're just another Marine.
19:10And you're going to do everything that every other Marine does.
19:14Now, this is...
19:15Well, I'm not going to wear this helmet.
19:17It's too noisy.
19:20Noisy?
19:21Yeah, it bangs against my earring.
19:27The helmet stays on.
19:29The earrings come off.
19:33The earrings come off.
19:36Okay, if you don't care how anybody looks in this chicken outfit.
19:44Pick up that helmet.
19:47Pick it up.
19:48Come in.
20:01First thing we're going to do in the obstacle course of the tire routine,
20:05you'll line up here in a single file
20:07and go through the tires.
20:08Come on now, on the double.
20:10On the double, on the double
20:13Look alive Carmichael
20:14Come on, let's go
20:15On the double
20:18That's it, come on
20:19Hit the hole Carmichael
20:23Don't drag it, get rid of it
20:28Carmichael, if we could use you as a secret weapon
20:36We could rule the world
20:40All right men, now the ladder
20:49Everybody jump up, grab a run and go over
20:51Hand over hand
20:52Come on, snap it up
20:54Get alive, get alive
20:56Come on, come on
20:57Come on, look alive
21:01Help, help, help
21:12Well don't look at me, turn around, don't be ashamed of yourself
21:25Turn around, turn around, turn around
21:28You men light up over at the landing net
21:32Carmichael, when you pull yourself together
21:37Wouldn't you be so kind as to join us over at the landing net?
21:43Yes, I'll be so kind as to join you
21:46Now then, we have one thing left in the obstacle course
21:53And that is the landing net
21:55Half of you go around that way
21:57And half of you go around this way
21:58Come on, look alive, look alive
22:00Up you go, over you go
22:05And down the front
22:06Oh, are you kidding?
22:09All right, oh, here you go
22:12Go, go
22:12Come on
22:17Up you go, over you go
22:20Up you go, and over you go
22:24And down the front
22:25Big deal
22:26Come on, hurry up, hurry up
22:29And I grab the ropes
22:41Grab the rope
22:43That's it
22:44I'll pull your legs down
22:46Pull your legs down
22:48Sergeant
22:56Marines, do not fight piggyback
23:06Mrs. Carmichael, Mrs. Carmichael, where are you?
23:11I'm up here
23:12Good heavens, what are you doing up there?
23:14Come down at once
23:15Pull her down, sir
23:16The idea
23:17Come on
23:18There
23:18Mrs. Carmichael, I have wonderful news for you
23:21What?
23:21Here's your discharge from the Marine Guard
23:23There's and it's effective immediately
23:25Starting first thing tomorrow morning
23:27You come back to work for me
23:29Mr. Mooney
23:30I want you to have this
23:34What's that?
23:35My medal for bravery
23:37You deserve it more than I do
23:39Well, this is great
23:46But it doesn't mention my being a woman
23:48I know, they didn't care about that
23:50I got you out because of your dependents
23:51Your two children
23:52Oh
23:54Oh boy, I've made military history
23:57Oh?
23:58Yeah, I think I'm the first Marine ever to get out of the service
24:00Because he was a mother
24:01There goes the boat, Sarge
24:08Well, I can't say I'm sorry to see you go
24:10But at least there's one consolation
24:12What's that?
24:13After trying to train you
24:15I can't possibly ever get a bigger knucklehead in my house
24:20What did you say?
24:35They sent me over here as Carmichael's replacement
24:37Good luck, buddy
24:50Good luck, buddy
24:51Good luck, buddy
24:52Good luck, buddy
24:53Good luck, buddy
24:54Good luck, buddy
24:55Good luck, buddy
24:56Good luck, buddy
24:57Good luck, buddy
24:58Good luck, buddy
24:59Good luck, buddy
25:00Good luck, buddy
25:01Good luck, buddy
25:02Good luck, buddy
25:03Good luck, buddy
25:04Good luck, buddy
25:05Good luck, buddy
25:06Good luck, buddy
25:07Good luck, buddy
25:08Good luck, buddy
25:09Good luck, buddy
25:10Good luck, buddy
25:11Good luck, buddy
25:12Good luck, buddy
25:13Good luck, buddy
25:14Good luck, buddy
25:15Good luck, buddy
25:16Good luck, buddy
25:17Good luck, buddy
25:18Good luck, buddy
25:19THE END
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