- 2 months ago
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00:00The Lucy Show
00:11Starring Lucille Ball
00:17Co-starring Gail Gordon
00:30Yes, I picked it all out yesterday, Mary Jane.
00:48The most beautiful furniture you've ever seen in your life.
00:52Yes, it's expensive, $1,500, but I can pay it off in three years.
00:57Yeah, I got the contract right here.
01:00Well, all I have to do is get Mr. Mooney to co-sign it for me.
01:04Oh, come on. Now, he can take it out of my salary, and that way I'll be sure of my job.
01:10Yeah, he'll never fire me as long as I owe him money.
01:16Oh, yes, Mr. Mooney's a wonderful man when you get to know him.
01:23Nice and generous to a fault.
01:25Oh, sure, he's a little gruff now and then, but that's just a front.
01:30Underneath that rough exterior beats a heart of gold.
01:34Oh, I'll have to call you back here.
01:37You can skip the eulogy. I'm not gone yet.
01:41Oh, what a terrible thought. Don't even say such a thing.
01:46Well, I don't know what I'd do around here without you.
01:49You'd goof off all day long. That's what you'd do.
01:51Well, I was just telling Mary Jane that in spite of our little misunderstandings now and then,
01:58you're really the best friend that I have.
02:01Mrs. Carmichael, if I'm the best friend you have, you're destitute.
02:05And whatever it is you're firing up your boilers for, the answer is no.
02:15Oh, I was just hoping that you'd do me one little favor.
02:18Do me one little favor and get those letters if they're ready.
02:21Yes, sir, they're ready.
02:23Oh.
02:23And there's not one single mistake in them either.
02:26Well, I'll have to take your word for that.
02:28This time, uh, you're gonna sign them without reading them first?
02:35Yes.
02:43Well, gee, that makes me feel very good, Mr. Mooney.
02:47That, uh, that proves that you have confidence in my work.
02:50No, it simply proves that I'm in a hurry.
02:52Let me have them, let me have them.
02:54Yes, sir. Everything's right here. Everything.
02:56All you have to do is just sign them at the bottom, sir.
03:00I know where to sign a letter.
03:07What's this? What's this?
03:08What's what?
03:10A contract with the Royal Furniture Company for, uh, $1,500?
03:15Oh, oh, that's not for you, Mr. Mooney. That's mine.
03:17Wait a minute, wait a minute. Yours, $1,500?
03:19Uh, well, yes, I'm buying some new furniture for my apartment.
03:23That, uh, really was what I wanted to talk to you about, Mr. Mooney.
03:27You see, uh, I need a co-signer, and I thought maybe you would...
03:31Me!
03:34Co-sign?
03:36Well, it's just a formality.
03:37I wouldn't co-sign a $1,500 note for my mother!
03:41And I like her!
03:45Here, have that notarized, please.
03:47Yes, sir.
03:48Well, uh, Mr. Mooney, couldn't I just talk about my...
03:53Wouldn't you just talk about my new furniture?
03:54One more word about your new furniture,
03:57and I'll be talking about a new secretary.
03:59I'll open the door first and get out!
04:01Colonel Bailey, yeah?
04:16Bailey, good to see you.
04:18How do you feel?
04:19I couldn't feel better if I was a sprig of mint
04:22swimming in a tall, frosty julep.
04:26How's the banking business?
04:27Have you robbed any widows at orphans today?
04:31Absolutely!
04:33Oh, yeah, yes.
04:35We bankers love that joke.
04:37But enough of this levity.
04:39Let's get down to business.
04:40Talk about the money you're going to make.
04:42Oh, yes, let's do that.
04:44I don't mind telling you, Colonel,
04:45I am happy to invest in any project of yours at any time.
04:49Due no doubt to the fact that your little investment
04:51in my pickle business has earned approximately 312% to date.
04:56Oh, yes, that was a good investment.
05:00Well, pickles were a matchup for a couple of old sourpusses like us.
05:09Colonel, let's discuss our new project now.
05:13What is it?
05:14Beans, Theodore.
05:16Beans.
05:17Bailey's Barbecued Beans.
05:20Beans?
05:21Beans.
05:22And I'm launching them today with the same campaign
05:25that made Bailey's Pickles an instant success.
05:28The money-back guarantee.
05:30Go on, go on.
05:30Yes, yes, yes.
05:31This poster is going up today
05:34in every grocery store in town.
05:38Bailey's Barbecued Beans.
05:41The best beans you ever ate
05:43are double your money back.
05:45Sounds like another winner.
05:47My beans may change the name of Boston to Bailey.
05:51I hope they change the name of Mooney to money.
05:54That's kind of a little...
05:58I have a check for $5,000 right here.
06:03A wise investment.
06:06I have just okayed 200 radio and TV singing commercials
06:10for our new product.
06:11Oh, I like the way you do things, Colonel.
06:14So do I.
06:16Bailey's Beans, Bailey's Beans.
06:18Price for folks of every means.
06:20Fix a pot, cold art.
06:22Good old Bailey's Beans.
06:24Don't delay.
06:25Move today to your nearest store.
06:28Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up.
06:29Whoa!
06:30Hi, Bailey's Beans.
06:34See you later, partner.
06:42Bailey's Beans, Bailey's Beans
06:44may make me a man of means.
06:51There you are, sir.
06:53Uh, Mr. Mooney, I was just thinking,
06:56if you won't co-sign to finance my new furniture,
07:00would you please authorize a $1,500 loan
07:03on my old furniture?
07:04Ah, now you're talking about collateral.
07:07I am.
07:09And that's different.
07:10That's different.
07:11All right, now, how much did your old furniture cost?
07:13$800.
07:14$800.
07:16And I still owe the finance company $700.
07:18Mrs. Carmichael?
07:22Yes, sir?
07:23You expect me to authorize a loan of $1,500 on furniture that cost $800 on which you still
07:29owe $700?
07:31Well, certainly.
07:31Only $800 and $700 equals $1,500.
07:36Only an idiot would give a loan under those conditions.
07:39Well, I don't know any other idiots.
07:40You're the only one I know.
07:42What?
07:43I mean...
07:43Never mind what you mean.
07:45Get to work.
07:45Get to work.
07:46Get back to work.
07:46Yes, sir.
07:57Ha!
07:58If that isn't a ridiculous statement...
08:01What ridiculous statement?
08:04That ad.
08:05Best beans you ever ate.
08:07They certainly aren't the best beans I ever ate, I can tell you that.
08:10Don't bother telling me because I'm busy doing other things.
08:13Best beans I ever ate, my mother baked.
08:15Oh, boy.
08:16She baked the best beans in the whole world.
08:18Everybody said so.
08:20I could eat those beans three times a day.
08:22Mrs. Carmichael?
08:24Yes, sir.
08:29Would you like to continue to eat three times a day?
08:32Sure.
08:33Then get to work!
08:34I'll get those letters out of here before you leave.
08:36Yes, sir.
08:37What's this?
08:38What's what?
08:39Six cents postage?
08:41It only cost five cents to send a letter.
08:43Oh, well, I ran out of five-cent stamps, so I put two threes on it.
08:47It's okay because...
08:48It is never okay to waste money.
08:52Oh, it's only a penny.
08:54Only a penny.
08:57Oh, ta-ta-ta-ta-ta.
08:59If you would just learn the value of a penny, you wouldn't have to borrow money for new furniture.
09:06How much furniture can I buy for a penny?
09:09Just listen.
09:11If you put one penny in the bank today, two pennies the next day, then four the following day,
09:17and keep doubling the amount each day, you would have enough money to buy your furniture in 19 days.
09:27You're kidding!
09:30You mean if I doubled a penny 19 times, I'd have $1,500?
09:35You would have more than $1,500.
09:39Now, you just think about that.
09:41$1,500 would have $1,500.
09:45Oh, $2,400.
09:47So, $24,000.
10:07$200,000.
10:09that's the last piece thank you gentlemen this is very nice of you donating your furniture to
10:19charity oh that's all right i'm very happy to do it i'm just sorry that my furniture isn't in
10:24better condition oh that's all right our charity is donating it to another charity
10:28hi mary james hi hey i don't understand i thought mr mooney wouldn't call sign for your new
10:37furniture i don't need mr mooney to co-sign well how can you afford new furniture this is how
10:43look at this side isn't that the most ridiculous claim you ever saw in your whole life the best
10:50beans you ever ate now that might be true for some people but not for me because the best beans i ever
10:56ate are the beans that my mother baked and anyone that puts out a phony ad like that deserves to
11:02furnish my apartment for me oh lucy nobody's gonna furnish your apartment just because your
11:07mother bakes better beans ah that's where you're wrong now look i have the most fantastic idea you
11:14ever heard of and it's so simple it scares me all your ideas scare me don't worry about this one i
11:21got this idea from mr mooney mr mooney yeah now look all we have to do is buy one can of beans for 25
11:28that's it take it back and we get 50 cents 50 cents that's right double your money back
11:38yeah and then we take the 50 cents and buy two cans bring them back and we get a dollar then we buy
11:45four cans and get two dollars eight cans and get four dollars 16 cans we get eight dollars don't you
11:53think the math store is going to get suspicious if we keep bringing back more and more cans of beans oh we
11:58don't go to just one store i got it all figured out now look at this look at this map
12:08all those pinheads there yeah well all those pinheads are marking the stores in this whole location
12:17well what are these two pinheads down here those two pinheads are us
12:21come on let's go operation bean
12:33you know this is our fourth market and so far it's working like a charm sure is it seems like christmas
12:38yeah and here's our santa claus
12:40oh uh pardon me sir are you the manager yes ma'am something i can do for you ladies uh yes i bought
12:47these beans and i'd like to return them please return them eight cans that's right double my money back
12:54like the sign says oh but you could have you could have found out if you like them or not in one can
13:00how come you bought eight look mister i don't tell you how to run your grocery store don't you tell me
13:05how to furnish my apartment tell me one thing lady you didn't like these beans why did you buy so many
13:27i don't understand it i just don't understand it addison you're the sales manager here explain
13:54what's going on yes somebody better explain it we've been shipping beans into that area for three
13:59weeks now but the chart goes off and down up and down it looks like a ride at disneyland that's very
14:06funny sir i don't think it's funny i don't think it's funny either my reports show we've sold 1500 cans
14:12of beans in that area that's right but our income is minus 400 dollars minus how did that happen yes how
14:20will that happen i don't know sir but we'll certainly find out you bet you'll find out i put
14:26five thousand dollars in this bogus bean business i expect to make money not be drowned in red ink oh
14:32now patience theodore patience these things take time rome wasn't built in a day you know we're not in
14:40the construction business don't worry mr mooney we'll get to the bottom of this you're already
14:48at the bottom of it now theodore ain't gonna do no good you standing there cackling like a hen laying
14:55a square egg colonel bailey yes colonel bailey this is perkins in the sales department the west side
15:02reports that three thousand cans of beans have been sold just today three thousand yes sir and in one
15:08area this is the breakthrough i've been waiting for well theodore what do you think of our methods
15:17now well i've got a pop of good old bailey's beans
15:36oh mary jane i think i have just cornered the entire bean market i think the bean market just
15:43cornered me oh sorry about that chief okay out this way out of here there you are are you out yeah
15:53okay oh gee oh milky is that the last load yeah three thousand cans of beans english translation
16:02fifteen hundred dollars isn't that great oh it's great but i'm yeah let's sit down and relax a while
16:07relax where well that's a good question well let's see now i think our warehouse needs a woman's touch
16:37good thinking uh-oh what's the matter
16:44what's the matter
16:46what's the matter
16:48what's the matter
16:50what's the matter
16:52what style your new furniture is going to be
17:06oh a little bit of everything contemporary you know although i must say i kind of like this decor
17:29early pork and beans
17:34well i sure gotta hand it to you this is the greatest idea anybody ever pulled off
17:39you know what i'm dying to see what the look on mr mooney's face when he finds out that i have my new
17:47furniture and i tell him how i paid for it boy will he be proud of me oh yeah and he'll be so happy
17:55when he finds out that i got the whole idea from him for this this whole scheme yeah but you know
18:01lucy i'm kind of worried about what about all these beans how are we going to take them back we've
18:06already hit every store in the area well now we're not going to hit any more stores we're going to zero
18:13in on the factory
18:16the factory how are we going to get all this stuff at the factory don't you worry about a thing i got
18:20everything arranged i called a friend of mine frank winslow you remember him he worked for
18:25the construction company the big fella yeah the big one yeah well i called him and he promised to
18:30help me and he never lets me down there's good old reliable frank now oh baby baby hello yeah hi frank
18:44you mean i can have it today oh thank you you're a pussycat bye
18:50oh that's that quick yeah frank never asked any questions why not well he says my answers make
18:56him too nervous come on we gotta get all this stuff ready for loading okay yes sir i'll take care of that right
19:09away sir
19:17mr bailey
19:20colonel bailey oh colonel bailey colonel beauregard bailey colonel beauregard bailey
19:27colonel beauregard bailey well i do declare what can i do for you young lady well now i really hate to
19:36bother a busy man like you but well sir you see i bought some of your barbecued beans yes everybody
19:43seems to be buying them aren't they sensational well now i don't want to hurt your feelings sir
19:49but i can't honestly say that they're the world's greatest beans and i'd like to return them what
19:56why i don't understand it i know this business and i know we put out the best beans anyone ever
20:01ate well i'm sure that you're very sincere sir but you've never tasted my mama's beans and they're
20:08the best i ever ate now we're not trying to put mamas out of business
20:18you could have gotten your money back at the grocery store why'd you bring this down here to me
20:22well now because i want to tell you how much i admire the straightforward way that you do business
20:29colonel bailey when i first read that guarantee i didn't know whether you really meant it or not
20:36oh my dear the bailey bean company means every word we say we stand behind every bean oh now isn't that nice
20:49you mean that guarantee is good for every little old can of beans that you sell every little old can
20:56and i'm delighted to have a chance to prove it to you now you only have that can and for bookkeeping
21:01purposes i'm gonna have to pay you by check oh that's quite all right colonel but before you fill
21:06out the amount i do have a few more cans outside oh yeah you just make it out to lucille carmichael lucille
21:15carmichael what is this well now the rest of them are outside colonel all together have 3 000 cans you
21:37just make that check out for fifteen hundred dollars
21:40fifteen hundred dollars three up three thousand cans
21:46well hey why do you leave here what are you doing
22:03mary jane i have it i have it oh there you are fifteen hundred dollars wow yeah and i called the
22:19store told them to deliver my furniture this afternoon oh lucy i can't wait to see it oh
22:23while we're waiting let's get something to eat i am so hungry oh i got news for you we were so busy
22:28buying beans we forgot to buy groceries oh i'm starved well the only thing i could buy in the
22:33house is a glass of milk i'll drink it i drank it the only other thing i found was a can of beans
22:41i'm so hungry i'll eat anything thank you when the furniture comes we'll go marketing
22:47we'll have a big feast to celebrate beans okay no not bad in fact they're pretty good
23:01oh no oh no oh no lucy what's the matter these are the best beads i ever ate in my whole life
23:22oh dear oh lucy what are you doing oh i can't take the money i can't take the money
23:28if that's the furniture send it back
23:32mrs carmen mr mooney what are you doing here i happen to be an investor in bailey's bean
23:38company yes oh hello and i have just learned of your conniving swindling scheme oh don't bother to
23:47yell at me here here's your check colonel i can't take your money how come because it's true these are
23:53the best beans i ever ate in my whole life they are yes you see how about that for a testimonial
24:02furniture for car michael oh please take it back to the store i can't pay for it i'm sorry oh just a
24:07little old minute here gentlemen you bring all that new furniture right in here i'll pay for it you will
24:14i'll be glad to pay for it because you're the most wonderful testimonial my company has ever had
24:21wow from now on you're gonna be known as bailey's bean queen
24:32bean queen your picture will be on every signboard in the country gee mary jade i'm a bean queen
24:40baby bean baby baby bean
25:00my
25:10We'll be back.
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