- 2 months ago
The Lucy Show
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00:00The Lucy Show
00:11Starring Lucille Ball
00:17Co-starring Gail Gordon
00:30Hi, Lucy. You ready to go home?
00:54Hi. No, I'll be with you in a minute.
00:55I've got to make sure that all this stuff is exactly where it belongs tonight.
00:58Well, can't you do that tomorrow morning?
01:00No, I have to do it tonight. I won't have time in the morning.
01:03Why?
01:04Because everybody has strict orders to be at the bank an hour early tomorrow
01:08to meet the efficiency expert who is being sent over to check on how Mr. Mooney is running the bank.
01:14Efficiency expert? Is Mr. Mooney worried?
01:16Is he? I haven't seen him so scared since his wife started taking karate lessons.
01:21Now, Mr. Caston, the efficiency expert, has made drastic personnel changes at other branches of this bank
01:30because they were not run properly.
01:33However, Mr. Caston will find no fault at my bank
01:39because it is run competently by conscientious workers with one possible exception.
01:51Why are you late, Mr. Scott?
01:53All right, Anjali! Why are you late?
01:55Well, I, I, I...
01:56That's the same excuse you gave me the last time.
02:00Well, Mr. Mooney, I'm not late. The bank isn't even open yet.
02:04I specifically requested everyone to be here one hour early this morning
02:08and everyone was here one hour early except you
02:12and you are ten minutes late.
02:14Well, that's an improvement. I'm usually 15 minutes late.
02:17You see, you can't even be late on time.
02:20Never mind, there's no time for excuses.
02:23All right, everybody, up on your toes.
02:25Good night.
02:26The man is here.
02:27All right, now, get this. The name is Caston.
02:36Oliver Caston. Okay, for short.
02:38Good morning, Mr. Caston.
02:40I am Theodore J. Mooney, the manager of the bank.
02:42Well, ding, ding, ding, ring out the news.
02:46Why is everybody standing around?
02:48This is a bank, not a morgue.
02:49Now, stop standing around like a bunch of stiffs.
02:51Tellers, get behind your cages.
02:53Bookkeepers, back to your books.
02:54And filing clicks, back to your files.
02:56Back to work, work, work, work, work.
02:58Move around.
02:59No smoking on the job.
03:02Oh, that's a box.
03:04Either shape up or shabab.
03:06Get back to work.
03:06Work, work, work, work, work, work.
03:08Mr. Caston, sir, you've made a terrible mistake.
03:11I don't make mistakes. I correct them.
03:14But, sir, Mr. Grantham doesn't work here.
03:17He is a prospective and important client.
03:21How are you? Glad to see you. Glad to see you.
03:24Sorry about that cigar. Just a little joke.
03:27How are you?
03:28Yeah, take this one.
03:30There's a cigar on the floor. Do you like sloppiness?
03:32Pick it up!
03:34Come on, come on.
03:35Pull it! Pick it up!
03:37Sorry about that.
03:38What is he standing there without? The lights?
03:40Light, light, light, light, light.
03:41Yes, the light.
03:42Is it too important for you to get out of light, light, light?
03:45But wait a minute.
03:46Oh, this is a good girl.
03:48Nice to see somebody around here who is efficient.
03:50Efficiency is the lifeblood of this business,
03:52and this girl is efficient.
03:54Oh, it's your birthday!
03:56Oh, cheers!
03:57I don't want any screaming.
03:59Don't suck your thumb.
04:00It's a dead giveaway.
04:01Oh, I like your style, Red.
04:04You've got a good career around here.
04:06Mark my words, Mooney, this girl is going places.
04:08Yes, and I'd like to tell her where.
04:12Mr. Caston, sir.
04:13Mr. Caston.
04:14Just call me OK.
04:16OK, OK.
04:18I mean, if would you excuse me, sir,
04:21Mr. Granson and I have some important business to discuss.
04:24Is that so?
04:24What are we hanging around here for?
04:26Move it!
04:27Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
04:29Mr. Granson, go, go, go, go, go, go!
04:31Olive, you, Red.
04:32Me?
04:33You, where do you think you're going?
04:34With Mr. Mooney.
04:35She's my secretary.
04:37Oh, you sly dog, you.
04:41Why?
04:42I don't want to live.
04:43No, no, no, that'll come later.
04:44Never mind, we've got work to do.
04:45You go, go, go, go.
04:46Hey, Red!
04:47Yes, sir.
04:48Come with me.
04:48Come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come.
04:53Don't talk me, will you, kid?
04:55I got work to do.
04:56I didn't mean to.
04:56It's quieter right here.
04:58File this in the vault.
04:59By the way, sir, my name is Lucille Carmichael.
05:01Lucille Carmichael?
05:03Yes.
05:03Is that your name?
05:03Carmichael, Carmichael.
05:04Let me see, Carmichael, that's three syllables.
05:08Lucille, two syllables.
05:09Together, that's five syllables.
05:10And an average day, I'll have to address you 41 times.
05:13That's a total of 205 syllables.
05:15Too long.
05:15I'll just call you Red.
05:16Yes, sir.
05:17Now, let's get cranking.
05:19Show me about the bank.
05:20There's work to be done.
05:20Come with me.
05:21Come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come.
05:22If we go to...
05:23Why don't you insist on crowding me?
05:26I didn't mean...
05:27I didn't mean...
05:28I'm sorry, sir.
05:28That's crowding me is just a waste of time.
05:30Yes, sir.
05:30Don't you ever waste any time at all, sir?
05:32Can't afford to.
05:33You see, I have 12 children to support.
05:3612 children?
05:37How long you've been married?
05:3912 years.
05:40That's sufficiency, come, come, come.
05:48Well, Mr. Mooney, I think the terms and conditions of this agreement are more than fair.
05:53Well, thank you.
05:54Our bank is most anxious to have the Grantland Toy Company as a member of our happy family.
05:59Well, now, if my board of directors agree with the terms of this loan, I think I can assure
06:04you of the Grantland Toy Company account.
06:06Oh, good, good, good.
06:07You'll be seeing me very shortly.
06:08Well, you're fine, sir, fine.
06:09It's been a pleasure doing business with you, sir.
06:11Thank you, Mr. Mooney.
06:12Thank you, sir.
06:12Bye-bye.
06:13Oh, Mooney, you rascal.
06:15You've done it again.
06:21Mr. Caston is not going to like you wasting time dancing.
06:27Oh.
06:28Has he finished his tour of the bank yet?
06:31Yes, and you know something?
06:32He is a very amazing man.
06:34He keeps going like perpetual motion.
06:36Go, go, go.
06:37Work, work, work.
06:38Quick, quick, quick.
06:38I wonder what makes him repeat everything.
06:40I think his mother was frightened by a bunch of radishes.
06:45Now, look, has he suggested any changes for the bank?
06:49Not yet, but I'm sure he's going to.
06:52Yeah, he's been walking around, looking at everything, shaking his head, and making little
06:57notes in a black notebook.
06:58Oh, oh.
07:00Well, I'm going to make sure that he finds nothing wrong in here.
07:03Let's see.
07:04You know, that's all right.
07:05The filing cabinet.
07:06Good.
07:07That's over there.
07:09Uh-huh!
07:09What?
07:10Pound something.
07:11What?
07:11The wall heater.
07:13It's in a direct line with the water cooler.
07:15So?
07:15Well, that isn't efficient.
07:17You see, the water isn't as cool as it should be because of its contact with the hot air.
07:22Say, that's pretty good thinking.
07:24I think you're an expert on hot air.
07:27What?
07:28I mean that.
07:28I know what you mean.
07:30I know what you mean.
07:30I know.
07:31I'd better move this thing.
07:32Where can I put it?
07:33Uh, yes.
07:34This will be right here, I think.
07:37All right.
07:39Yeah.
07:40Over here.
07:43There.
07:44I'll put the chair back.
07:46Yeah.
07:47Oh, yes.
07:48That's better.
07:49I think so, too.
07:51Yes.
07:51Well, I hope our Mr. Efficiency expert approves of this.
07:55Mr. Mooney.
07:56Mm-hmm.
07:57Are, uh...
07:58Are you afraid of him?
08:00Afraid of him?
08:01Certainly not.
08:01I don't particularly like him.
08:05He reminds me of my wife.
08:08Is she efficient, too?
08:11No, she's bald.
08:15Well, let's get to work.
08:18Say, how many letters do I have to send out this morning?
08:20All right.
08:21Let's see.
08:21What have we got here?
08:22One office, one executive, one secretary.
08:25Good.
08:25Good, good, good, good, good.
08:27Good.
08:27You'll find nothing wrong in here, sir.
08:29Everything looks fine, except...
08:31What is this water-cooler doing over here?
08:36Thought I wouldn't notice it, huh?
08:37It should be over there.
08:39That's where it used to be.
08:40Who's the idiot who moved it?
08:42She is.
08:45Well, I had a perfectly good reason.
08:47She's a...
08:47Don't sputter.
08:49If the water-cooler is by the door,
08:51every time the door opens and closes,
08:52there will be an influx of air,
08:54the draft will change the temperature in the water,
08:55and you're not thinking, Mooney.
08:57No, you're not thinking, Mooney.
08:59Well, I'm doing the best I can.
09:02Oh, well, don't be...
09:02Gee whiz, I got a water...
09:04I know that, baby.
09:06Relax.
09:07As a matter of fact, at the main office,
09:09we all think you're very good.
09:10Good, good, good, good, good.
09:11Oh, oh.
09:12We even have a little reward for you.
09:14Oh, what's that, sir?
09:15The key to the executive washroom.
09:19Oh, thank you.
09:21I knew you'd like it.
09:22And one other thing, Mrs. Mooney,
09:23I'm going to take your secretary away from you.
09:25Oh, you don't have to do that, sir.
09:26No, sir, you have done enough for me already.
09:32Well, what time do you want her to report to your office?
09:36She's already in my office.
09:38No, no, sir.
09:39This is my office.
09:41Not is.
09:42Was.
09:44Well, if you use this,
09:45what am I going to use for an office?
09:48I just gave you the key.
09:49All right, man,
09:52I want you to keep a careful record
09:54of any messages I might get.
09:55Do you understand?
09:56Yes, sir.
09:56Now, I'm going to lunch.
09:57I'll be back in precisely seven minutes.
09:59Yes, sir.
10:01This water cooler,
10:02I wanted it moved.
10:03It's still here.
10:04But I give an order.
10:05I want it obeyed.
10:06I want it to move.
10:07I want it to move, move, move.
10:09Move, move, move, move, move.
10:11All the time, move.
10:12When I say it.
10:13Hold it.
10:14No free blotters.
10:15Stop that, ladies.
10:19He reminds me of a sergeant
10:23I once knew.
10:24Shh.
10:25I better move this thing, I suppose.
10:27I don't want to.
10:28Well, I'll help you.
10:30Haven't you helped me enough already,
10:32you Benedict Arnold, you?
10:34Oh, I didn't know what.
10:36I didn't mean anything by that.
10:37You don't have to do things like that.
10:37I'm glad to say
10:48I've only been here two days
10:49and already you're beginning to shape up.
10:51Beginning to shape up.
10:52But there's still plenty of room for improvement.
10:55Room for improvement.
10:56Mooney, there's a spot on your tie.
10:58May I say that's sloppy, sloppy, sloppy, sloppy, sloppy.
11:00Mooney, sloppy, sloppy, sloppy, sloppy, sloppy.
11:03I know that some of you resent
11:05my making you coming in earlier than usual,
11:06but remember,
11:08time is money.
11:09Yeah, the early bird catches the worm.
11:11A penny earned.
11:12Is a penny saved?
11:13A stitch in time saves nine.
11:15Never put off for tomorrow
11:16what you can do today.
11:17Birds of a feather gather no moss.
11:19He who hasn't...
11:20Birds of a feather gather no moss?
11:30I mean, what is that?
11:31That's efficiency.
11:33Oh.
11:33I put two proverbs together, sir.
11:35You see, birds use moss to build their nests.
11:38People deposit money in banks
11:39to feather their nests.
11:40So it's a good slogan for a bank.
11:42Birds of a feather gather no moss.
11:44Bank, George, I think she's got it.
11:47Thank you, sir.
11:48I hope you can all learn from her.
11:50In only two days,
11:51she's absorbed my methods of management.
11:53I'm going to my office to rewrite my report.
11:55Take over, Red.
11:56Yes, sir.
11:56I'll take that.
11:57Right, Keith.
11:57And watch everything.
11:58Keep it going right.
11:59Right.
11:59Hold that!
12:00No free blotters!
12:02Watch that!
12:05All right, now, hear this.
12:07Things are going to be different around here.
12:09There'll be no more goofing off.
12:10When I give an order,
12:12I expect you to jump.
12:13Jump, jump, jump!
12:14Do you hear me?
12:16We're going to work as a team.
12:17We're going to put our best foot forward.
12:18Our noses to the wheel
12:20and our shoulders to the grindstone.
12:22All right, everyone,
12:22sit to your post.
12:24Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
12:29May I speak to you, Mrs. Carmichael?
12:32All right.
12:33What is it, TM?
12:33Well, Mrs. Carmichael,
12:37in all the years of our association,
12:39I could never get you to do even your own work,
12:43let alone extra jobs,
12:44but in just two short days,
12:46Mr. Caston has turned you into a human dynamo.
12:50Why?
12:51Well, because, TM,
12:53Mr. Caston has taught me the meaning of efficiency.
12:56He gave me ambition.
12:57He gave me my get-up-and-go.
12:59Mr. Caston has taught me the power of positive thinking.
13:02I can be anything I want to be.
13:04Success goes to the worker,
13:06not the shirker.
13:07Do you remember the story
13:08of the grasshopper and the ant?
13:11The grasshopper and the ant?
13:13I've been so busy,
13:14I've forgotten about the birds and the bees.
13:18That's your job, TM.
13:19Go, go, go, go, go, go!
13:20Yes, sir.
13:23All right, open up.
13:25Open up.
13:26Here we go.
13:26On your toes, everybody.
13:29Good morning.
13:30Good morning.
13:30Glad to see you.
13:31Glad to see you.
13:31Glad to see you.
13:32Glad to see you.
13:33Good morning.
13:34Glad to see you.
13:35Glad to see you.
13:36Oh, hi, Mary Jane.
13:37Lucy, are you all right?
13:39Sure, why?
13:40Well, you were gone when I stopped by your apartment
13:42for breakfast this morning.
13:44That's right.
13:45I left at 6.30.
13:46You know, the early bird catches the worm.
13:49What worm?
13:50All I wanted was toast and coffee.
13:54Lucy, you know, something's happening.
13:56You're so different.
13:58I've turned over a new leaf, Mary Jane.
14:01I've learned in order to get anywhere today, you've got to move, move, move.
14:04By the way, I'm going to have to call off our bowling date tonight.
14:07I'm working late.
14:08Oh, well, can we go tomorrow night?
14:09Sorry, I'm working late tomorrow night, too.
14:11Gee, Lucy, I never get to see you anymore.
14:14How about lunch today?
14:15Okay.
14:16Oh, I'll pick you up at 12.
14:18But I have to be back by 12.14.
14:1914 minutes for lunch?
14:22That's right.
14:23I'm entitled to 16 minutes.
14:25But yesterday I took 18, so now I owe them to.
14:30Lucy, you better stop washing your hair with that soft water.
14:33It's seeping into your brain.
14:34Right?
14:35How's everything going?
14:36Oh, fine, sir.
14:37I'd like you to meet my friend, Mary Jane, Mr. Caston.
14:39Well, now, I'm glad to see you, glad to see you.
14:41I want to tell you, you're lucky to have a girlfriend like her.
14:44She knows a way around the business world.
14:45She has a bright future.
14:47She's going to get ahead.
14:48I hope so.
14:49She needs one.
14:54Friend?
14:56Mr. Caston?
14:56Mr. Caston, sir, I'm sure you'll be pleased to know that Mr. Grantland called.
15:00The Grantland Toy Company is transferring all of its business to our bank.
15:04Well, good, good, good.
15:06Yes, furthermore, they are going to borrow $1 million.
15:10Bad, bad, bad.
15:11What do you mean, bad?
15:12How do we know they'll be able to repay their loan?
15:13Oh, they're in very good financial condition.
15:16Then how come they have to borrow money?
15:19Good.
15:20How come they have to borrow money?
15:22Good thinking, Grant.
15:23How about that?
15:23But they're a very good risk.
15:25I've seen their financial statement.
15:27But did you see their factory?
15:28Yeah.
15:29How do we know they're running their company efficiently?
15:31Yeah, how do you know that?
15:32If you didn't see the factory, how do you know that they are running anything efficiently?
15:36Will you hold it?
15:37Will you hold it?
15:38I say a few things once in a while, too.
15:41Well, before we lend them money, we're going to run an efficiency check on their factory.
15:46Come with me, Rad.
15:47Come, come.
15:47Right, right, right, right.
15:49Try not to make any more mistakes while I'm gone.
15:51And this is the department that we're very, very proud of.
16:06We've combined our shipping department with our hobby horse assembly line.
16:09Hobby horses are a big profit item with us.
16:12Got that, Rad?
16:13Hobby horses, big profit.
16:14Now, you might say this is the only business in the world that you can make money horsing around.
16:21Ordering one dump truck.
16:23What was that voice?
16:24In addition to assembling the hobby horses, we send the other toys into the shipping department when they're ordered.
16:29Aha.
16:32What's this?
16:33Where?
16:33Where?
16:34Where are they going?
16:34Where?
16:35Where, where, where?
16:36They're taking a 15-minute coffee break, and they deserve it.
16:39What a way to run a business.
16:41Mr. Grantland, you must be off your rocker.
16:43Grantland, off his rocker.
16:44What do you mean?
16:45Coffee breaks, four girls to handle a line like that.
16:47Two of them can handle it, but even one.
16:50Even one.
16:50Well, Mr. Casson, if you can show me a way to run this operation more efficiently, I'd appreciate it.
16:55Your worries are over, baby.
16:57Get behind that assembly line, Red.
16:58Get behind me?
17:00Now, just get into this and get in there.
17:03Well, uh...
17:03Do as I say.
17:04Get in there.
17:05We'll show them how efficiency is run.
17:07Yes, sir.
17:07I am, sir.
17:08You have no fear.
17:09Mr. Grantland, you're wanted in your office.
17:10Oh, will you excuse me?
17:11I'm needed in my office.
17:12Have no fear.
17:13Casting is here.
17:14Just a minute.
17:15Mr. Grantland, will you have him turn on that conveyor belt?
17:17Turn it on again, will you?
17:19By the time you get back, we'll be running this thing smoothly.
17:22Show you what efficiency really is.
17:23Yes, sir.
17:24Thank you, Grantland.
17:25Go ahead, Red.
17:25You're on your own.
17:26Make me look good.
17:27Yes, sir.
17:29You can handle it, baby.
17:30Yes, sir.
17:30Just don't panic.
17:31No, sir.
17:32They make a big deal of it, but they put four broads on here and they need one.
17:35Yes, sir.
17:36Good work.
17:37Good.
17:37Look at this.
17:39Perfect, baby.
17:40You're going to make me look good.
17:41You're doing fine.
17:42It's not hard, sir.
17:43No, you're not imperfect.
17:46They went that-a-way.
17:49Fun.
17:50Fun with the work.
17:51That's the way to do it.
17:52Look how efficient you move it.
17:53Oh, here comes another one.
17:54And you'll handle it beautifully.
17:56Atta, girl.
17:57You're doing fine.
17:57I could teach you brain surgery in a week.
18:00Oh, beautiful, baby.
18:01Thank you, sir.
18:02I think this will make a good investment for the bank.
18:05Good.
18:05I hope so, sir.
18:06Doing very well, baby.
18:08You certainly have bright ideas, sir.
18:10Well, I got a bright girl.
18:12I get a bright idea.
18:13You're doing fine.
18:14Oh, here comes another one.
18:16Good girl.
18:19Right the first time.
18:20How do you like it?
18:21One fire truck.
18:22Fire truck.
18:23You want the fire truck?
18:24Where's the fire truck?
18:25Oh, here's one right here.
18:26Good girl.
18:27Put it on the assembly line.
18:28Beautiful fire truck.
18:31Doing great.
18:32That's it.
18:34Ordering two mama dolls.
18:36What's a mama doll, honey?
18:37Well, it's a doll that says mama.
18:39Well, find it.
18:40Where's the mama doll?
18:40Here they are.
18:41Good girl.
18:42Doing fine.
18:43Mama dolls.
18:44Mama dolls.
18:44We got four girls.
18:45You're doing it all by yourself.
18:46Wait a minute.
18:47Wait a minute.
18:47Tail.
18:47Tail.
18:48Tail.
18:48Tail.
18:49Tail.
18:49Tail.
18:50Tail.
18:50Tail.
18:51Head, head, head.
18:52I'm head.
18:52Head, head, head.
18:53Ordering one jack-in-the-box.
18:55Yes.
18:56What did he order?
18:57Yes, sir.
18:58He ordered something.
18:59What did he say?
19:00He ordered something.
19:01What?
19:02What did he want?
19:03What did he say?
19:03Ordering one jack-in-the-box.
19:05A jack-in-the-box.
19:06A jack-in-the-box?
19:08There it is.
19:10Oh.
19:11You got a jack-in-the-box?
19:13Don't open it.
19:14Some stink.
19:14Don't.
19:17Yes, sir.
19:18Ordering two teddy bears.
19:19You two teddy bears.
19:21There's the teddy bears.
19:22Good girl.
19:23Yes, sir.
19:24Doing fine, Red.
19:25They got one red teddy bear, one yellow.
19:28Now you're on your own, kid.
19:32Figure this one out by yourself.
19:33That's too much for me.
19:35Good girl.
19:35Good girl.
19:39Good girl.
19:41Put the tail in.
19:50Don't forget the tail.
19:52That's very good.
19:52You're doing...
19:53Ordering six yellow hound dogs.
19:55Six yellow hound dogs.
19:56Where are the hound dogs, honey?
19:57Hound dogs.
19:59They're ordering six...
20:00They're hound dogs.
20:01Where are the hound dogs?
20:02Well, get them if you can get them.
20:05Good morning, Mr. Carmichael.
20:26Good morning, Mr. Mooney.
20:29Any messages?
20:31No, sir, but I have the morning mail.
20:33Oh.
20:34Here you are.
20:34Thank you very much.
20:35Uh, oh, Mr. Mooney, uh...
20:39Is there something else?
20:41Well, yes, sir.
20:42I just want to tell you how happy I am to be working with you again.
20:47Well, thank you.
20:49It is nice to have the bank back to normal.
20:52Yes.
20:53Mr. Caston may have been efficient, but he certainly made everybody a nervous wreck.
20:57Oh, he did indeed.
21:00Oh, by the way, sir.
21:01Yes?
21:02This top letter is from Mr. Cheever.
21:04You have to initial it and send it to the main office as soon as possible.
21:07Thank you very much.
21:08I'll do that.
21:09There we are.
21:10Would you like me to deliver it for you, sir?
21:12No, no, no.
21:13No need for you to bother.
21:15I'll have the messenger take it over.
21:18Boy?
21:18Boy?
21:18Yes, sir.
21:21Yes.
21:23Yes, sir.
21:23What is it, sir?
21:27Uh, take this to Mr. Cheever's office.
21:30They want it as quickly as possible.
21:32Don't you worry, sir.
21:32I'll hurry.
21:33I'll go as fast as I can.
21:34I'll just run, run, run.
21:35Go, go, go, go, go, go!
21:36Run, run, run, quick!
21:37Out, out, out, out, out, quick!
21:40That's all right.
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