- 6 months ago
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00:00The Lucy Show
00:10Starring Lucille Ball
00:16Co-starring Gail Gordon
00:30Well, a fine sailor used me.
01:00Mr. Mooney.
01:01Lieutenant Commander Mooney, USNR.
01:04You joined the Navy?
01:07No, no, but I've been in the reserve for years.
01:11Oh.
01:11Yes, I'm in this uniform because I report for duty today.
01:15You mean you're leaving the bank?
01:17Oh, don't get your hopes up.
01:21No, I'm just going on a two-week training crew.
01:24Oh.
01:24But I shall return.
01:27Oh, good.
01:28Meanwhile, when I'm gone, I want this office shipped ship-shape.
01:32You understand that, Salem?
01:33Yes, sir.
01:34All right, let's start with a clean sweep down fore and aft.
01:38How's that?
01:39Pick up the letters.
01:40Oh.
01:40May I remind you that you are using my drift?
01:54May I remind you that you are using my drift sword?
02:11Yes, sir.
02:11I'm sorry, sir.
02:12I'm sorry.
02:13You know, Mr. Mooney, you look very handsome and very distinguished in that uniform.
02:24So manly.
02:26What a change.
02:27I know what you mean.
02:35My wife said the same thing.
02:37Well, you do look very military.
02:40What did you get that ribbon for?
02:42Uh, that's the victory medal.
02:46Oh.
02:47You know, you're so modest.
02:48You never even told me you were in the war.
02:51Mrs. Carmichael, there are some things a man doesn't like to talk about.
02:56Oh, I understand.
02:58Don't you say another word.
03:01But!
03:03There were times when things got pretty rough out there.
03:08They sent us to do a job and we did it.
03:10Fighting men and fighting ships.
03:13Oh, yes, I remember once on the sub.
03:15On the sub?
03:16The submarine.
03:18You were on a submarine?
03:19Oh, yes, yes.
03:21The, uh, SS, um, uh, porpoise.
03:25Yes.
03:26Once in the South Pacific, I had the con on the dog watch.
03:29Suddenly, my sharp eyes got a glimpse of the enemy fleet.
03:32Did I panic?
03:33No!
03:34I sounded the alarm for a crash dive.
03:36I gave the order for periscope depth and we closed for battle.
03:39I zeroed in on an enemy ship.
03:42Fire one!
03:45I ordered calmly.
03:47Torpedo away, came the answer.
03:50A moment later, we heard her hit home.
03:52We surfaced.
03:53I rushed to the bridge, manned the machine gun, and began firing at the enemy aircraft.
04:01Got him!
04:02You got it?
04:08Well, boy.
04:11Oh, are you going to command the same ship this time?
04:14Command?
04:15Oh, well, you know how the Navy is.
04:18Experience doesn't really count for anything.
04:21No, I'm just going to be another fighting man assigned to a dreary desk.
04:27Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, Mr. Mooney.
04:31That doesn't seem fair.
04:32Well, that's the way it goes.
04:35Well, I'd better get things squared away around here before I shove off.
04:38Yes, Mr. Cheever called and said to be sure and sign the Wilson Trust Papers before you go.
04:42They're very important.
04:43Oh, yes.
04:44Well, you get them for me, please.
04:45Yes, sir.
04:45They're right here in the safe.
04:46Good.
04:47Miss Mooney, couldn't you apply for a transfer to a fighting ship?
04:51Well, that would take too much time.
04:54Oh.
04:55But if they need me, I'm ready.
04:58I'm going to run that desk like a taut ship.
05:01There'll be no gold-bricking in my office.
05:03When I give an order, those sailors are going to hop through it
05:06and stand at attention when you're being addressed by a superior officer.
05:09Yes, sir.
05:10All right, now get those papers.
05:12Yes, sir.
05:12There.
05:12There they are, sir.
05:17Mrs. Carmichael.
05:18Yes, sir.
05:19Were you raised in a barn?
05:20No, sir.
05:21I was raised in James.
05:22They closed that safe!
05:24Oh, no!
05:38You bent my sword.
05:42I'm sorry.
05:43I'll fix it here.
05:44Never mind!
05:45You've done enough damage or risk.
05:47I can string it out for you, Mr. Norman.
05:49I can string it out for you, Mr. Norman.
05:49I can string it out for you, Mr. Norman.
05:49Oh, hello.
05:51Bill, you ready to go?
05:53Yeah, just about.
05:53Yes, sir.
05:54Oh, that's my secretary, Mrs. Carmichael.
05:56Mrs. Carmichael, Commander Moore.
05:57How do you do, Mrs. Carmichael?
05:59I just stopped by to take Ted down to the base.
06:01Oh, how nice.
06:02Did you get assigned to a dreary desk job, too?
06:05Oh, not exactly.
06:07Mrs. Carmichael, he is the commander of a submarine.
06:10Oh, wonderful, wonderful.
06:13Don't you think it's terrible what they did to Mr. Mooney
06:15after all of his years of experience?
06:18What's this?
06:19Never mind, Mrs. Carmichael.
06:21Now, don't be modest.
06:24Didn't he tell you what he did on his ship during the war?
06:28Ship?
06:29I thought you were the housing officer in Wichita.
06:37Well, yes, for a while.
06:39I was just outside of Wichita.
06:41I wasn't right at all.
06:43But he was also a real fighting man on a fighting ship.
06:48On a submarine.
06:49Oh.
06:51You never told me any of this, Ted.
06:53I know, I know I didn't.
06:55Commander, there are certain things that a man doesn't like to talk about.
07:02Well, a man with your experience shouldn't be tied down to a desk.
07:05That's what I say.
07:07You keep out of this.
07:10I may be able to pull some strings and get you down in my submarine.
07:14Down in a...
07:16Oh.
07:16Well, no, I wouldn't want to put you to any trouble.
07:20Well, I mean to say, they may be shorthanded down at the housing office.
07:24They may need me.
07:25Oh, nonsense.
07:26Any oddball can handle that job.
07:29That's right, Mr. Mooney.
07:31Let him get another oddball for that job.
07:35You deserve to be on active service.
07:38Now, you go with the commander and do what's best for the United States Navy.
07:41I'll take care of everything here.
07:43You already have.
07:47Well, Ted, let's shuttle off and get some water over our heads.
07:51Bye, Mr. Carmichael.
07:52Bye, Commander. Nice knowing you.
07:54Good luck, sir.
07:58Goodbye, Mr. Mooney.
08:00I'll see you when I get back.
08:03If I get back.
08:16Mr. Mooney's office.
08:42Oh, yes, Mr. Keever.
08:45No, sir.
08:45He just left, sir.
08:47The Wilson P...
08:48The Wilson Papers?
08:50Uh, oh, yes.
08:52Uh, yes.
08:53Yes, sir.
08:53I know how important they are, sir.
08:56Yes, sir.
08:56You'll have them right away, sir.
08:58Yes, sir.
08:59He forgot to sign the papers.
09:02Put them in here.
09:03What's that combination?
09:0532.
09:0632.
09:07Sorry, ma'am.
09:15Nobody's allowed on the base without a pass.
09:17But my boss is in there, and I have some very important papers that he has to sign.
09:21Sorry, ma'am.
09:22But if I don't get these papers to my boss, I'll be in a lot of trouble.
09:26I may even get fired.
09:28Look, lady, if I let you in, I may be fired.
09:31By a firing squad.
09:35Jones, William, no cape.
09:43Mr., please.
09:44Look, I'm not a spy.
09:46Cross my heart.
09:47Well, if I was a spy, I'd have on some sort of a disguise.
09:52Maybe even dye my hair.
09:57I mean, a real crazy color.
10:00Now, look, I just got to get these papers signed.
10:02I'll only be in there for a few minutes, Captain.
10:05Seaman, ma'am.
10:07Not without a pass.
10:10Anthony.
10:10Larry.
10:11Okay.
10:11Rush.
10:12Jerry.
10:13Okay.
10:13James.
10:14Chuck.
10:14Okay.
10:17I'll see you next time.
11:17Okay, that's Gerald.
11:23Okay, Lambie, Alec.
11:25Okay.
11:26Club auto.
11:27Okay.
11:28Club auto.
11:31Auto club.
11:45And cut.
11:46As you were.
11:49Well, Bill, that was mighty fine job.
11:54However, I hope your boat is in better shape than your coffee.
11:58I hope so, sir.
11:59Oh, may I present my executive officer, Commander Mooney?
12:02Oh, how do you do, Commander?
12:04Mooney hasn't been aboard the sub in some time.
12:07Really?
12:07It ain't part of the Mothball Navy, huh?
12:10Well, Commander, you should have been at luncheon with us.
12:14We had some fried oysters.
12:16We had some pork chops.
12:21Banana cream pie.
12:25But I imagine you're very anxious to get underway.
12:29Aren't we underway yet?
12:30Well, I hope not.
12:34I have to get off first.
12:36Yes.
12:38Well, let's get on with the inspection.
12:40Yes, sir.
12:40Mooney?
12:41Yes, sir.
12:42Prepare to get underway.
12:43Me?
12:44Yes, sir.
12:46Aye, aye.
12:47Sir.
12:48Well, you heard what the man said.
12:49Prepare to get underway.
12:50Oh, Mrs. Carmichael, I owe this all to you.
12:58I hope I never see you again.
13:01Well, I didn't mean it quite like that.
13:15It's smooth.
13:19What are you doing here?
13:20You forgot to sign the Wilson Trust Papers.
13:22I did?
13:23Yes.
13:23Mr. Cheever was very upset.
13:25Have you got a pen?
13:26Yes, I have.
13:27Come on.
13:27That's fine.
13:28All right.
13:29My, he was so upset.
13:30Mooney.
13:31I'm going to get them right back.
13:33What?
13:33What are you doing in that uniform?
13:35I borrowed it to get through the gate.
13:36If they catch you, they'll shoot you.
13:38Yeah, all right.
13:38I'll just tell them I'm your secretary and you invited me aboard.
13:41Oh, in that uniform, that's fine.
13:43Then they'll shoot both of us.
13:44Get out of here.
13:45Get out.
13:45Hurry up.
13:46Come on.
13:46Go, go, go.
13:47Go.
13:50Go.
13:57Mr. Mooney.
13:58What?
13:59Bon voyage.
14:00Get out.
14:01Get out.
14:01Come on.
14:02Come on.
14:02As you were.
14:08Now, Bill, I'm expecting a bigger showing from you this time.
14:12Yes, sir.
14:13This is a very important training maneuver.
14:14Yes, sir.
14:15Anybody on this pig boat expect a promotion in the next ten years?
14:19They'd better snap two.
14:20Yes, sir.
14:21Mooney.
14:22You heard that?
14:23Snap two.
14:23Yes, sir.
14:24All right, then.
14:25Snap two.
14:26You, sailor.
14:27That means you.
14:28Snap two.
14:29Here.
14:29Snap two, sailor.
14:30Get busy.
14:30Get busy.
14:31Get busy.
14:31Believe me.
14:32We're going to find a plan.
14:54Come on.
14:55Come on.
14:56Home.
14:56Come on.
14:56Come on.
14:57Come on.
14:59Come on.
15:00This is the Admiral Secure for General Porter!
15:04This is the Admiral Secure for General Porter!
15:10Up scope!
15:20Oh, I'm gonna keep my eye on this fish.
15:24Admiral, Admiral, I can explain everything!
15:26See, there's a malfunction!
15:30All right.
15:31Well, you heard what the Admiral said.
15:32He's gonna be up there on his barge watching this whole show!
15:35And he's got eyes like a hawk!
15:36Yeah, but Commander...
15:37I don't want any excuses! I want results!
15:40Aye, aye, sir! Yes, sir!
15:42Oh, this is all your fault!
15:44I don't want excuses! I want results!
15:47Get out of here! Get out! Get out! Hurry up!
15:56I can't get it open!
16:06I can't get it open!
16:09Well, I open it!
16:11I've gotta get you out here before we shove off!
16:13Yes, sir!
16:14Hey!
16:15Hey!
16:16I think we already shoved off!
16:33Now I've got to hide you somewhere!
16:37If they find you, I will be shot for smuggling a woman aboard!
16:42Oh!
16:43Yes, I'll be shot! Not only shot, but I'll lose my pension!
16:46Well, where will I hide?
16:48I don't... Here! In here! Come through here! Come on! Now hurry up!
16:51Ouch! Watch your feet!
16:53Watch!
16:54Oh!
16:55And your head!
16:56Oh!
16:57Where am I hiding here?
16:59I don't know.
17:00Commander Mooney, report to the chart room!
17:02Chart room?
17:03Where's that?
17:04I don't know where it is!
17:05Here! Over here!
17:06Look!
17:07Wonderful place to hide!
17:08Right in there!
17:09In there!
17:10Yes! Come on! Get in there!
17:11Grab some!
17:12Yes! That'll be fine!
17:13That's good!
17:14Get in there!
17:15Fine! Good!
17:16You won't forget me, will ya?
17:17Well, of course not!
17:22Mr. Mooney!
17:25Now what?
17:26What is this? I'm hiding in a garbage chute?
17:29No!
17:30It's just a torpedo tube!
17:32Torpedoes!
17:33One!
17:34Yes!
17:35Get in there!
17:36Get in there!
17:37Get in there!
17:38Please!
17:39Please!
17:40Get over here!
17:41Get in the bunk!
17:42And pretend you're a sailor!
17:43Is that a torpedo?
17:44Yes!
17:45But don't pay any attention to it!
17:46Get in there!
17:47Please!
17:48That's it!
17:49Get in there!
17:50Now you stay!
17:51Shh!
17:52Are you in trouble, son?
17:53Oh, uh...
17:54No!
17:55No!
17:56Just one of our new men's little shy of the torpedoes!
17:59Oh!
18:00Don't worry about a thing, mate!
18:01Them are practice torpedoes!
18:03They ain't even loaded!
18:04They ain't even loaded!
18:09Uh...
18:10Uh...
18:11Uh...
18:12Uh...
18:13You, uh...
18:14You be quiet and remain right there, sailor!
18:16Uh...
18:20Well, I'm gonna get me some sack time while the getting is good!
18:23Yes, sir!
18:24Don't get a chance to get much sack time around here!
18:29I'll tell you one thing, Pally!
18:31I sure can't wait till we get a leave!
18:34That's the one thing I need, is a nice, long leave!
18:38I met a blondie the other night that is really gorgeous!
18:43What do you think?
18:44That's right!
18:48That's right!
18:50Stay in touch with me, pal!
18:52Because the next time I see her, I'll ask her if she's got a good-looking chick for you!
18:56Would you like a date like that?
19:00Oh, boy!
19:02Talking about good-looking chicks!
19:04You should've seen the redhead I spotted down at the gate this morning!
19:07A real sharp chick!
19:08Big blue eyes!
19:09Nice little nose!
19:11Nice long legs!
19:13Boy, a swinging chick!
19:15Hey, how would you like a date with something like that?
19:20That's exactly the way I feel!
19:25Hey, you know something?
19:27I like you!
19:29You and I are gonna get along just great!
19:32You're my kind of guy!
19:33You know what you're talking about!
19:39I found a blondie-
19:40Sailor, report to the radar officer!
19:44Me, sir?
19:45Yeah?
19:46I'm the cook!
19:47Well, he's hungry!
19:48Come on!
19:49On the double!
19:50On the double!
19:51Go on!
19:52That's right!
19:53Now, take your gear and get out of here!
19:54That's it!
19:55Hurry up!
19:56Hurry up!
19:57He's very hungry!
19:58Go!
19:59That's it!
20:00Go!
20:01I found a great place for you to hide!
20:02Come on!
20:03Never mind!
20:04We'll just hurry before they take her down!
20:05Come on!
20:06Take her down?
20:07Yes!
20:08We're going to dive!
20:09Dive!
20:10Dive!
20:11Dive!
20:12Dive!
20:13Dive!
20:14Dive!
20:16I'm right to zero seven three!
20:18I'm right to 0-7-3.
20:42Right, 0-7-3.
20:44Remember, Mooney, the Admiral's going to be up there on his barge watching this whole show.
20:47Yes, sir, yes, sir.
20:49All right.
20:49Snap to it, you men.
20:50Snap to it.
20:51Look alive.
20:53There.
21:07What are you doing here?
21:08I'm hungry.
21:09Hungry?
21:11It's my lunchtime.
21:12Mooney!
21:14You check the forward compartment?
21:15Yeah, aye, aye, sir.
21:16Everything secure?
21:17Aye, aye, sir.
21:17All right.
21:18Keep your men busy.
21:19Aye, aye.
21:19And that means you, sailor.
21:21Keep busy, sailor.
21:22Do something.
21:23Do something.
21:23Do something.
21:24No!
21:27What do I do?
21:28What do I...
21:28Here.
21:30Take this.
21:31Pretend you know how to use it.
21:32You know, Mooney, this is the most important torpedo exercise of the year.
21:41We've got to make a good showing.
21:43Yes, sir.
21:44Sonar contact bearing, 0-9-7 relative.
21:48It's going pretty fast.
21:49Must be a destroyer.
21:50Oh, yes.
21:53Right.
21:54Two destroyers on the port beam.
22:07Range, 2,500 yards.
22:10Range, 2,500 yards.
22:12Bearing, 2, 2, 4.
22:15Bearing, 2, 2, 4.
22:16Destroyer is closing.
22:21There it is, Mooney.
22:22Our target ship.
22:23This is what we've been waiting for.
22:27What are you doing there?
22:29Nothing, sir.
22:30Well, get mopping.
22:31This is a torpedo exercise.
22:32We're about to fire one.
22:33Fire one?
22:34Fire one.
22:38Run away.
22:39We fired one.
22:58We hit something.
23:03The admiral's fired.
23:08Prepare to serve.
23:09All ballast tanks.
23:12Stop all engines.
23:14Fire one.
23:15Fire one.
23:16Fire one.
23:16Fire one.
23:17Fire one.
23:37Commander Moore.
23:40Yes, sir.
23:41Who gave the order to fire that torpedo?
23:43Well, sir?
23:46I did, sir.
23:49Good show.
23:52What's that?
23:53Your crew was more on the ball than I thought, sir.
23:56It is?
23:57It certainly is.
24:00Of all the members of the fleet,
24:01your boat was the only one who saw that I was not flying the proper recognition signals.
24:06And you took action.
24:08Kind of drastic action, but...
24:11I'm going to see that you get a citation.
24:16An extra liberty for all hands.
24:18Well, let's hear it for the admiral.
24:20Hip, hip, hooray!
24:22Hip, hip, hooray!
24:26Hip, hip, hooray!
24:29Hip, hip, hooray!
24:32Hip, hip, hooray!
24:36Hip, hip, hooray!
24:39Hip, hip, hooray!
24:40Hip, hip, hooray!
24:41Hip, hip, hooray!
24:42Hip, hip, hooray!
24:43Hip, hooray!
24:44Hip, hooray!
24:45Hip, hooray!
24:46Hip, hooray!
24:47Hip, hooray!
24:48Hip, hooray!
24:49Hip, hooray!
24:50Hip, hooray!
24:51Hip, hooray!
24:52Hip, hooray!
24:53Hip, hooray!
24:54Hip, hooray!
24:55Hip, hooray!
24:56Hip, hooray!
24:57Hip, hooray!
24:58Hip, hooray!
24:59Hip, hooray!
25:00Hip, hooray!
25:01Hip, hooray!
25:02Hip, hooray!
25:03Hip, hooray!
25:04Hip, hooray!
25:05Hip, hooray!
25:06¶¶
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