00:00Again, I thought if my partner would just tell me, she would just speak up for herself.
00:03She would just tell me, X, Y, and Z, don't make me guess.
00:06Just let me know exactly what you want.
00:08I'll do those things because I care about you.
00:10But if you really care about someone, they shouldn't have to spell it X, Y, and Z.
00:14We should already be paying attention.
00:15Here's the kicker, and I really hope that anyone has the bravery and the courage to
00:19hear this part.
00:20For my partner to get to the level of extreme, clear, concise language about exactly what
00:27she would need, she had to no longer care what my answer was.
00:31Because if she came to me and said, I need this from you, and I dismissed it like I often
00:36did as my default behavior, like that's nice, but we could talk about it later, or I don't
00:40agree with that, like here's the reasons why it doesn't count, or that doesn't make any
00:43sense, I'm not going to listen to it.
00:45All of that hurt her at a core level, soul-destroying, candle-blowing-out level.
00:51The first step in the destruction of a relationship is that the woman or whoever the offended party
00:56is starts to withdraw, they stop talking to you because to talk to you is too painful.
01:02On my part, and on many men's part, we don't even notice, we just think, oh, well at least
01:07we're not fighting as much right now, things must be getting better.
01:10In fact, some of the times I thought a relationship was doing the best is actually when my partner
01:13was doing the worst.
01:14And so after years had gone by, and she did get to a spot where she's like, this is exactly
01:19what I'm going to do, this is exactly who I am, this is exactly how I'm going to move
01:23forward, it also came with this other piece of, I actually no longer care whether you get
01:29on board or not.
01:30And that is the moment I woke up.
01:32I wish it was different.
01:34I wish I could say, a woman sent this to you, please listen up and just hear it.
01:37I'm trying to tell you that there are men who will listen.
01:40There are men who are listening right now.
01:42If you've made it this far, you can still be one of them.
01:45But here's what I've learned 40 years into life.
01:46What is coming for you is coming for you.
01:49And so you have an opportunity right now with somebody that you love to look at yourself
01:54in the mirror, get feedback, make change, maybe sign up for a therapist, like really
02:00start to address the trauma that you went through.
02:02It's not your fault.
02:02I need to tell you that it wasn't your fault.
02:04But if you refuse to do something now, it will be.
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