00:00A lot of dismissive avoidance light up with people who barely even know them.
00:04Coworkers, neighbors, social media followers, even the checker at the grocery store.
00:10With them, they're charming and funny and easy to talk to.
00:13And that's because surface level attention gives them quick hits of being liked without being known.
00:19And nobody's asking for more.
00:21Nobody sees the whole person like you do.
00:24Meanwhile, you, the person who actually knows and loves them, gets kept at an arm's length.
00:29And it can feel like everybody gets the best version of them except for you.
00:34Being known is what feels risky to them.
00:37Their nervous system often learned early on that being seen leads to disappointment.
00:41So the closer someone gets, the more guarded they naturally become.
00:46So in the beginning, when things were light, you probably fit just fine.
00:49And then you started going deeper and you wanted to know them, not just spend time with them.
00:55And that's typically when they start to deactivate.
00:58They'll pull back to a depth that they can manage.
01:01And you're left wondering what changed when nothing happened.
01:05And this is why it can go on for so long without ever going anywhere.
01:10Every time it deepens, they shrink it back.
01:13And you kept mistaking the shallow end for a starting point.
01:16But for them, it's the whole pool.
01:19And this is why it's the whole pool.
01:19And this is why it's the whole pool.
01:20And this is why it's the whole pool.
01:20And this is why it's the whole pool.
