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00:22Noble prince, your secret love note
00:26You have conquered my heart; the castle of my body is yours by right of conquest.
00:33Come, come now, let your tongue sink into my pit
00:38And let your hands take possession of the walls of my breasts
00:42Because I am yours, only yours.
00:48And I am yours.
00:50Oh, Edmund! I thought you were your brother!
01:01The black viper
01:31The beard of the Spanish Infanta
01:37In 1492, after the death of Randolph XII of Saxony
01:42And the breakdown of the Insect Treaty
01:44Confusion reigned in Europe
01:47Borders, even languages, changed
01:49The men were dying at the hands of those on their own side.
01:52And the women were raped by soldiers of up to seven different nationalities every week
01:59The courts of Europe were buzzing with activity
02:02And none other than England's
02:04Without letting them take
02:06Yes, milord
02:07The Swiss are cowards
02:09We lure them to the castle and crush them all without mercy.
02:11Milord, news
02:13The Swiss have invaded France
02:15Excellent!
02:17Wissex, while they are away, takes ten thousand men and sacks Geneva
02:22But they are our allies
02:24Oh, yes!
02:26Okay, then you can dress them up as Germans, okay?
02:29Chiswick, remind me to send flowers to the King of France on the death of his son
02:34The one you murdered, milord?
02:36Yes, yes, that's the one, Father?
02:38Milord
02:39Do you want to get out of the way?
02:43Harry or the Gentle Art of Diplomacy
02:46You know where the real secret of diplomacy lies, don't you?
02:50The truth is, no, Father, but I would like to know.
02:52There
02:55Sure?
02:56Because down there I can't find anything, nothing interesting.
02:59So explain to me, what's that for?
03:01Well, for a couple of things
03:04That's right, and one of them is...
03:05It's best not to mention her.
03:07Exact!
03:08And the other is fornication.
03:10And without fornication there are no marriages
03:13And without marriages there is no diplomacy
03:15I think I understand now.
03:17Perfect, I'll explain it to you in more detail.
03:19You'll see, son
03:20I have decided to ally myself with a nation that poses a high threat to France.
03:24And the answer is...
03:25Chiswick
03:26Spain
03:27And the best way to cement an alliance is with marriage.
03:31So I've decided that you should marry the young Spanish princess
03:37Congratulations, my
03:38Thank you, thank you
03:40Honestly, I don't think I can
03:45That?
03:47Why not?
03:49Because I'm already engaged
03:51As?
03:52And with whom?
03:53With Princess Leia of Hungary
03:55And Grand Duchess Ursula of Brandenburg
03:57And with Queen Bogulla of Iceland
04:00And Countess Caroline of Luxembourg
04:02Berta of Flanders
04:03Berta of Brussels
04:04Bernarda of Saxe-Coburg
04:06And Jezebel of Estonia
04:09No
04:09No, no, no, no
04:11I was referring to Berta of Saxe-Coburg
04:14And Jeremiah of Estonia
04:16Damned, damned, damned, damned
04:19But if I don't have a son to marry her off to
04:22The whole plan falls apart
04:24Majesty
04:25That?
04:28You have another son, Milord
04:31That?
04:34My God, of course, he's right.
04:37The creep, what's its name?
04:40Edmund, Milord
04:41Yes, Osmund
04:43Osmund can marry the Infanta
04:45Wonderful
04:46Then with the alliance of Spain
04:48We will be able to massacre the Swiss
04:50And to the French
04:52Hurrah!
04:53Perceiving them completely in half
04:55Hurrah!
04:56Preferably separating the top half
04:58From the bottom
04:59Hurrah!
05:10Good morning
05:11Good morning
05:12Good morning
05:16My God, what has happened to you?
05:21Yes, well, well, well, yes
05:24They are bites of love
05:26They look like dog parts.
05:30Okay, yes, yes
05:32She was a little wild.
05:34Seriously, Milord?
05:36Yeah
05:36It would be a fight or death, wouldn't it?
05:38Yes, yes
05:38As my bubble-faced tutor used to say
05:41Make love and be happy
05:43Because tomorrow you could catch some contagious and disgusting disease
05:49Well, I could swear they're dog bites.
05:52They're not dog bites
05:54And she was very attractive.
05:57Yes, with a wet nose and fur
05:59No, Baldrick
06:00She was a woman
06:03Okay, Milord
06:04Good
06:05Now it's clear
06:11Persi?
06:12What do we have planned for today?
06:17Well, Milord
06:18At first I had thought that we could
06:23Take out a couple of prisoners
06:25And the truth is, I think Baldrick is right.
06:27They look like dog bites
06:28Yes, okay, okay
06:29They're dog bites
06:30They're dog bites
06:31I've been bitten by a dog
06:32A woman pushed me off the wall.
06:34Because he thought he was horribly ugly
06:36And a rabid dog attacked me
06:38Does that satisfy you?
06:38Yes, Milord, yes
06:39Perfect
06:40Excellent
06:41Well
06:42Okay
06:44Okay, Percy, you were saying
06:45Yes, Milord
06:47I had thought we could
06:48Wasn't she a woman?
06:49No, it was a dog
06:50It was a dog
06:51It was a huge dog
06:52Wow, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof!
06:53Yes, of course, Milord
06:54Clear!
06:55It's Harry who gets all the women.
06:57It's true
06:58Enough!
06:58Never mention women in my presence again
07:01And to the dogs
07:02No, and shut up
07:04I never want to see a woman again
07:06If anyone wants to talk to me, you can let them know.
07:09The black viper is a venomous reptile
07:12And women are their prey.
07:17Forward!
07:19Unless you're a woman, in which case you'll climb out the window.
07:22With your dog
07:23Milord, I bring you a message
07:25Yes, you're obviously a messenger.
07:28You are engaged to marry Infanta Maria of Spain
07:33That?
07:34Milord, I bring you a message
07:36You are engaged...
07:37Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
07:40Come on, come on, get out!
07:42Out!
07:44Out!
07:46Out!
07:47Out!
07:48Out!
07:51Okay, guys
07:52Have you heard it?
07:55I'm getting married
07:56With the Spanish Infanta
07:59Yes, milord
08:00Do you want me to warn her?
08:01About what?
08:02The black viper is a venomous reptile
08:05No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
08:08This woman is not like the other Persians
08:10She is a young and beautiful royal princess.
08:16I can imagine
08:17What should that Spanish princess be like?
08:31Welcome to the castle
08:33And I hope you find the trains to your satisfaction.
08:42In Spanish it means
08:44Welcome to our castle
08:46I hope you find the drains to your liking
08:48Here you go
08:49I've written it to you
08:50To help you break the ice with the princess
08:52By the way, I don't think you know
08:54Princess Caroline of Luxembourg
08:58No, how are you, young lady?
09:01Good luck
09:02Welcome to Notre Chateau, Caroline
09:06Luxembourg
09:07Have you ever seen
09:09Someone who's seething with jealousy?
09:11No never
09:12Boil, boil
09:13If it continues to boil like this, much longer
09:15It will turn into a boil
09:18Valdry
09:18What are you saying?
09:20My Lord
09:20Yes, what's wrong?
09:21Did you know that they say the Infanta's eyes
09:24Are they more beautiful than the famous Galveston Stone?
09:29As?
09:30The famous Galveston Stone, my Lord
09:34And what is that?
09:37Okay, it's a famous blue stone.
09:40And here it comes...
09:42From Galveston
09:46I understand now
09:47So what happens?
09:49Well, the princess's eyes are much bluer.
09:53I understand
09:54And have you seen that stone?
09:57No, no, not in person, my Lord.
09:59But I know a couple of guys who have seen it
10:01And they say it's very, very, very blue.
10:03And have those guys seen the Infanta's eyes?
10:06Well, I don't think so, my Lord.
10:07And neither do you, I suppose.
10:09No, my Lord.
10:10What you're telling me, Percy
10:12It's a stone you've never seen before.
10:14It's slightly less blue than eyes
10:17That you haven't seen either
10:22Yes, my Lord.
10:23Percy, I find you about as useful as a hole in the head
10:27A feeling I think you're familiar with.
10:31Why don't you have a brain?
10:33Hello
10:35Hello
10:35I am waiting for the arrival of a very beautiful princess
10:39Captivating and...
10:40Leave me alone, I'm trying to talk
10:42While you're clucking like...
10:45Like a lame hen
10:47I'm trying
10:48You are the true love of my life
10:50My love, my love
10:51That?
10:52What is this about you?
10:53You must be one of the beautiful ones
10:55You are my only love
10:56I want to kiss you, kiss you and hug you
10:58Oh!
10:59Oh!
10:59I am the Infanta!
11:01I am the princess!
11:02That?
11:03Does he have a beard now?
11:04Hahaha!
11:05Jeremiah must have a history
11:07Let's see how we can get rid of feeling
11:09I am the Infanta!
11:09Yes of course
11:11That?
11:13Wow!
11:13I have waited for this moment all my life
11:17I've waited for this moment my whole life.
11:21Your nose is smaller than expected
11:24Your nose is smaller than I expected
11:27I have already suffered the same disappointment
11:30Equal dessumption
11:31Oh, my love
11:33My love
11:34My love, my love
11:43I like your lips
11:45I like your lips
11:48Are you going to give me this "your body" thing that interests me?
11:51But it's the rest of your body that interests me
12:00I want you to tear him to pieces and destroy his weapons
12:03Milord, news
12:04That?
12:04The Infanta of Spain has arrived
12:06Oh!
12:06Good news
12:07We will soon have Spain in our power
12:09Milord, news
12:10That?
12:11The King of France greets you
12:12Oh!
12:12Good news
12:13My diplomacy triumphs
12:15Milord, news
12:16That?
12:17Lord Wissex is dead
12:18Oh!
12:20That's not good news
12:22What did Milord say?
12:23I don't like
12:24Bring me another story
12:26Pardon me, Milord
12:27I don't like that news.
12:28Bring me another story
12:30Yes, Milord
12:36Milord, news
12:37That?
12:38Lord Wissex is not dead
12:39Ah!
12:40Good news
12:41Let there be joy and celebrations
12:43Let joy reign
12:44Yes, Milord
12:45Ah, yes
12:46And tell Osmond
12:47In order to strengthen ties with Spain
12:49She's getting married tomorrow.
12:51Yes, Milord
12:54Chiswick
12:55Bring fresh horses
13:02My God
13:03Within 24 hours
13:04I'll be married to a little bit.
13:06But you can't lock her out.
13:08You're absolutely right.
13:13That will at least stop him for a few minutes
13:16One second, Milord
13:18I think I have a plan
13:20To save you from this marriage
13:22Yes, a ridiculous plan.
13:24Admit it, Percy
13:26Well, yes, yes
13:27You are right.
13:28Persi!
13:29Tell me anyway
13:30Oh, there's no need to bother me, Milord
13:33Percy, please
13:34Tell me your plan
13:35Tell me about it
13:36Tell me about it
13:37OK
13:38Well
13:39I'm going to the princess's room
13:42And I tell him you've gone crazy
13:45He approaches the door
13:47And you go out to meet him.
13:50Disguised
13:51Pork
13:53So
13:55And this is important.
13:57Instead of saying
13:59Oink, oink
14:00You say
14:03Moo
14:06And then what?
14:09After
14:10He'll know you're crazy.
14:11And he will leave
14:14Oh
14:15You didn't have to bother
14:17Milord
14:18That?
14:20I have a plan too.
14:22Yeah?
14:23Make him believe that you prefer the company of men
14:27Valdrick, that's true.
14:28No, no, Milord
14:29I mean
14:29TO
14:32Intimacy
14:33The company of men
14:38Are you referring to
14:41What the Count of Don Caster prefers
14:45Exactly like the Count of Don Caster
14:48That great ostrich
14:50That peacock with feathers
14:53The Count of Don Caster
14:55Ride a horse like a woman
14:56Since I was 17 years old
14:58But who would marry the count?
15:01True, nobody
15:02Clear
15:04Nobody
15:05Nobody would marry the Count of Don Caster
15:08Except maybe
15:09The Duke of Beaufort
15:12Hurry
15:13What are we going to do?
15:14First, we need to dress you appropriately
15:16And for that, all you need to do is put something effeminate around your neck
15:20Either Beaufort would get married
15:28Good
15:29Perfect
15:31Now
15:32You just have to practice with Percy
15:35Practice?
15:37That?
15:38The presentation, Milord
15:40You stand here
15:41And you, Milord, here
15:44Okay, now
15:45Percy
15:46Lord Edmund will try to let himself be seduced by you
15:53Seduce?
15:54You know, like the Count of Don Caster
15:57My God
15:58Okay, okay
15:59OK
16:02You have to act normal.
16:03I am the Count of Don Caster
16:05Yes, it's me.
16:08Forward
16:09Forward
16:10Now
16:39My God!
16:40It's impossible.
16:41I can't do it
16:42I have a couple of things that might help
16:44Oh, Percy!
16:46Persy!
16:47What can we do?
16:48Why don't we try to start a conversation?
16:51Oh!
16:52OK
16:56Hello, Count
16:59Hello
17:00How are you?
17:02Well then
17:04You already know.
17:05Prince Edmund is going to marry the Spanish Infanta
17:08The horn will get married!
17:09Anyone who suggests it again will be ridiculous.
17:10I'll rip his head off
17:11Can you hear me?
17:14Yes, that's better.
17:22Attention
17:23It's coming
17:27Good morning, Don Caster
17:30Shiswick
17:30Take this to the Queen of Naples
17:33What is it, my lord?
17:34The King of Naples
17:36Immediately
17:38Hurry, hurry!
17:40Hurry!
17:42Oh my God!
17:43Ah, a bachelor party!
17:47Isn't that right?
17:49Yes, yes, that's it.
17:51I don't think you know Grand Duchess Ursula of Brandenburg.
17:54No
17:55Pleased to meet you, Ursula
17:57Hey, I wanted to talk to you about my speech for the wedding reception.
18:01I had thought of adding fruit motifs.
18:03Yeah
18:05Something like
18:06It is a great pleasure to Membrillado
18:10Welcome, apple of your husband's eye
18:13Because you are the linchpin of their life
18:18Do you get it, Edwin?
18:20Clear!
18:21The pine nut, even if it's an orange marriage
18:24What do you think, huh?
18:29Excellent
18:29Very, very excellent
18:31Yes, it's pretty good.
18:33I hope I can put the banana somewhere.
18:35Will eat nachos and the slush
18:40And what about this one?
18:47Oh no, mother!
18:48For God's sake!
18:49What do you want?
18:50Oh, nothing, nothing!
19:06I work, I work
19:08I love you, I love you totally
19:12Ah, I hug you and I love you completely
19:15That?
19:16What love is it that you disguise yourself as a Spaniard
19:21To please me
19:22What kind of love is this that makes you disguise yourself as a Spaniard to please me?
19:27Valtric!
19:28Valtric!
19:28Valtric!
19:29Valtric!
19:30Valtric!
19:30How lovely!
19:31How lovely!
19:33Valtric!
19:33How lovely!
19:35Look at the two lovebirds
19:37A lovebird and a big elephant!
19:40It's as if they were already truly married.
19:43What did you say?
19:45What is it?
19:45As if you were already really married?
19:48That's what I had heard
19:52Boys
19:53Yes, my Lord
19:55I think I have another plan
19:57Oh, oh, oh, oh
19:59Oh, oh
20:05Hiya
20:06Come on!
20:21Let's see if we could find anything better. I'm going to marry her.
20:38Yes, but it will only last a couple of days, right?
20:41Yes, that's right. Get revenge on us!
20:44Yes, yes, very good, very good. We are all gathered here to celebrate with the utmost urgency the marriage of these two.
20:56true Christians, Edmund, the Duke of Edinburgh and Tiuli, fat ass.
21:02Is that right?
21:04Yes, that's right. Who would have believed it? The Duke of Edinburgh, consumed by passion. Kidnapped little Tiuli!
21:17Get out of here! Come on, keep going, Father!
21:19Yes, yes, right away. Let's see, are you the Duke of Edinburgh?
21:24No, I'm a soy dish.
21:28For God's sake, let's hurry! Let's go!
21:30And are you Miss Tiuli, fat ass?
21:33Lady!
21:34Lady!
21:42Oh well, it doesn't matter. Keep going, Dad! Let's go!
21:45But if she's there...
21:46Good heavens! The church won't get anywhere if it doesn't adapt a little.
21:50Yes, but this is not usual.
21:52But since when does the church not accept the unusual?
21:56The miracle of the fish, for example.
21:59Let's continue!
21:59Okay, does anyone know of any reason or impediment that would prevent these two people from getting married?
22:05No!
22:06No!
22:07No!
22:07No!
22:07No!
22:08Yeah!
22:10And you must be...
22:12Mr. Fat Ass.
22:14Are you the bride's father?
22:16No, I'm the bride's husband.
22:19Yeah!
22:20This is my husband, Tomás.
22:22Tomás, I'd like to introduce you to my boyfriend, the Duke of Edinburgh.
22:25Prince Edmund, this is Thomas.
22:28Thomas, this is the father...
22:30...Smith, from the Torture Without Pain association.
22:34Mr. Fat Ass, I was wondering if I could make a temporary arrangement with...
22:39...with...
22:39...with his wife.
22:41I just need it for a few...
22:42...a few days.
22:44Out!
22:44Listen to me, listen to me, you stupid peasant!
22:47All I want is to marry your wife.
22:52That was the Duke of Edinburgh, you know?
22:55No, he looked like the Count of Don Caster.
23:01This is good.
23:03OK that's fine.
23:06Yeah.
23:07That's all the women say.
23:09Let's talk a little about women's things.
23:12Yes, by yourself.
23:14Just the two of them.
23:16Yes, yes.
23:17Yes, well.
23:17Ma'am, speak to me in English.
23:21Well, tell me, madam, about English men.
23:26Well, they spend almost all their time with the animals, you know?
23:30And with other men, but...
23:32Oh, when they approach women, they only want one thing.
23:37What? What?
23:39What? What?
23:40Well, it's a kind of cake made with bread, butter, and raisins.
23:45Oh, I almost forgot!
23:46Oh, the other thing!
23:50What is the other? What is the other one?
23:52So what? What else is there?
23:55Oh, well, the cream.
23:57The cream.
24:03Edmundo, what is el?
24:05No, Edmund, how is it?
24:08I already told you, this cake...
24:10I already told you, this cake...
24:12No, no, no, no, in the bed.
24:14Oh no, no, what's he like in bed?
24:18Oh, yes, yes, I understand, I understand.
24:20Well, in bed he likes a glass of warm milk with just a small piece of cake.
24:25No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
24:26What's he like in bed?
24:32Yes!
24:35Sure, it's like a little bunny, you know?
24:38Like a rabbit.
24:39A rabbit!
24:42Mom, mom, let's dance.
24:46Mom, mom, how much I love you.
24:51I never thought my bachelor party would be like this.
24:57The most depressing night of my entire life.
25:03Well, my friends, at least you can console yourselves with something.
25:07With what?
25:08I'm sure your wife will be a virgin.
25:11There are no living witnesses to confirm otherwise.
25:16If it weren't, there would still be a possibility.
25:20Officially, she has to be a virgin.
25:22Yeah.
25:25Yes, my friend.
25:28Ah!
25:31Oh, no.
25:33No.
25:35No!
25:37Yeah!
25:38Yeah!
25:40Yeah!
25:42Please, I beg you to think it over carefully.
25:46Valdrick, if there were another way, would follow it.
25:48But I am going to die.
25:50Don't worry.
25:51You'll have a hero's funeral.
25:53We will bury you at sea and say that you died in combat against the enemy.
25:58Okay, that's it.
26:00And now enter...
26:01...a small man with a big mission.
26:05Come on, Percy, let's get the king!
26:07Yes, my friend!
26:08Yes, my friend!
26:23Infanta.
26:28Infanta.
26:33Edmund, my love.
26:36Oh, Edmund, my love.
26:42Milor, majesty.
26:43That?
26:49Have they defeated our troops on the Rhine and poured melted cheese on their noses in the traditional Swiss style?
26:58No, milor.
27:02Oh, don't stop, please, my little worm.
27:06Can you bring me news of the Russian royal family?
27:09Have they been mistaken for bears because they're wearing so many coats?
27:12Have they been caught?
27:13Were they cut into pieces and eaten by an army of Mongol bandits?
27:18No, milor.
27:20Relief!
27:21Relief!
27:23Well then!
27:25Milor, the Spanish princess is not a virgin.
27:31Oh!
27:32I already knew that!
27:34Further!
27:35His uncle told me.
27:36More, please!
27:37That's why they didn't lower the dowry.
27:41But I believed...
27:43Here, being a virgin is enough.
27:47Do you want anything else?
27:54Come on!
27:56Come on!
28:00Let's continue!
28:02We will sing for you and we will carry on!
28:18Dear brothers,
28:21we are gathered here
28:23before the Lord
28:25to witness the union
28:27of two God-fearing Christians.
28:32Are you the Duke of Edinburgh?
28:36Yes, I am.
28:37And you, Infanta María Escalosa Fiona?
28:40Yes! Let's go, you idiot!
28:42Let me try it on my voluminous teeth.
28:46Yes, yes, stupid, hurry up.
28:48I long to embrace him again with my voluminous thighs.
28:51Marriage is a sacrament established by God.
28:56My God, help me now.
28:58To prevent this link from being created,
29:01Let him speak now or forever hold his peace.
29:05Is this your chance?
29:07So be it.
29:10Thank you so much!
29:11Come on, hurry up!
29:13You, Edmund Plantagenet,
29:15You take Maria Escalosa as your wife...
29:16You, Edmund Plantagenet,
29:17you take it for the...
29:18Silence!
29:19...in sickness and in health.
29:21Better in wealth than in poverty.
29:23To love and respect her
29:25until death do you part...
29:27Did you understand?
29:31Shout louder!
29:32You can't hear a thing back here!
29:34Oh, yes!
29:35I still can't hear it!
29:37Yes, yes, yes, yes!
29:39And you, Infanta María Escalosa!
29:42Do you take Edmund Plantagenet as your legitimate husband?
29:46Oh no!
29:48Then I declare you!
29:51Christ!
29:52My Lord, I bring incredible news
29:54that could stop the wedding.
29:56That?
29:58The Swiss and the French
30:00They have joined forces in a meeting
30:01in a mountain pass
30:03and then they performed
30:04a clandestine alliance with Spain
30:06thus leaving them without friends in Europe
30:08unless we make an immediate pact with Hungary.
30:16Yeah!
30:17I was afraid of that!
30:20Is there a Hungarian princess in the castle?
30:23Yes, father, I think I have one.
30:25Ah, yes, Princess Leia of Hungary.
30:29And what is it like?
30:30Leia is young and beautiful,
30:34her eyes are like opals
30:35and her hair looks like a perfect waterfall.
30:38It doesn't seem to be bad.
30:39What's happening?
30:41But, excuse me, what's wrong, please?
30:43Credla before the court!
30:45And as for this ugly Spanish cow,
30:50Get her out of my sight immediately.
30:52Or I'll eat it!
30:55Oh my God!
30:56Save me, save me!
30:58I'm sorry, I can do politics.
31:00Come on, come on, come on.
31:01Let's see.
31:02Where is?
31:03Where is?
31:04Where is Princess Leia?
31:12Oh, very good, very good!
31:16Osmond, I'd like you to meet your wife.
31:19Hello, Edmund.
31:21Hello.
31:22Are we going to get married now?
31:24Yes, yes, I think so.
31:26Let's begin.
31:39My dear brothers,
31:41We are all gathered here today
31:45to unite the holy matrimony.
31:56And so it happened that the big bear
32:00He had to leave his little friends in the forest
32:03and go live in a very distant land
32:07where dwarves and fairies
32:09They took care of him until he died.
32:14Oh!
32:15It's been very nice, Edmund.
32:17A story with a happy ending.
32:21Isn't it time to turn off the light?
32:24Yes, dear, I think so.
32:26They must be...
32:28six o'clock.
32:29The light of the light
32:33The light of the light
32:59The light of the light
33:00It's very bad.
33:03The light of the light
33:09The light of the light
33:37Could you bring me a glass of water, please?
33:40Yes, yes, right now.
33:44Yes, right now.