- 21 hours ago
Refinery29's new comedy platform, RIOT hosts two of the funniest women in comedy, Jessi Klein (Peabody and Emmy Award winning Executive Producer of Inside Amy Schumer) and Vanessa Bayer (Trainwreck, SNL) as they talk about Jessi's new collection of essays, You'll Grow Out Of It.
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LifestyleTranscript
00:00:00Okay, and we're live! Hi, everybody! Hi, Facebook Live!
00:00:06Thank you guys all for coming. My name's Julie Miller. I'm the creative director of Riot.
00:00:10Riot is Refinery29's digital comedy platform, so we're all really excited. It just launched
00:00:16in May, and so this is our first Riot Live event, and we couldn't be more excited, thrilled,
00:00:21humbled than to have, like, two of the funniest women in comedy, basically, in our presence
00:00:26tonight, Jesse Klein and Vanessa Bayer. It is an incredible honor, and we're launching
00:00:36You'll Grow Out of It, which is Jesse Klein's first book of essays. Yay!
00:00:43So in this room full of fans of Jesse, I don't need to tell you guys that she is a
00:00:48Peabody
00:00:48and Emmy Award-winning executive producer of Inside Amy Schumer. She is helping to transform
00:00:54the third season of Transparent as a writer. She has been, I would say, behind most of the
00:01:02funniest things of the 21st century, whether it be, because she works like a hundred jobs,
00:01:09whether it be as an SNL writer, as a Comedy Central executive, as a stand-up comedian, and
00:01:15as a friend to basically everybody in the comedy world. So thank you, Jesse, for being a huge
00:01:21part. And now she's going to be a best-selling author as well, so we're all really excited
00:01:28about that. And Vanessa, thank you so much. When we were thinking of who could host the Q&A
00:01:36for this event tonight, the first name on the list was Vanessa Bayer, and we were just so
00:01:41excited that she agreed to do it, although it's hard to pass up an invitation from Jesse Klein.
00:01:48But we love Vanessa in Trainwreck on SNL, when she plays Miley Cyrus, or if she plays Rachel
00:01:55from Friends. I am personally obsessed with Sound Advice, which I know some people who've
00:02:02worked on Sound Advice are here, where she plays Janessa Slater, the media coach, and I
00:02:08hope that some of Janessa comes out tonight when they're doing their interview. So yeah, we're
00:02:13really excited. You know, Riot, I think, is an interesting channel because it really celebrates
00:02:21women's voices that are both radical and relatable, and I think that there's no better person than
00:02:26Jesse Klein to sort of exhibit that combination. So in this book of essays, which you all, either
00:02:33if you haven't read it already, you'll read and you'll fall in love with every essay in the book,
00:02:40and just probably see yourself in a lot of the work that she's written. So thank you so much. I'm
00:02:46like going to get choked up. I'm getting emotional. But just a little housekeeping. We are on Facebook
00:02:53Live, so people at home, write in your comments and questions. We're going to be taking questions
00:02:57from you guys at the end, after Vanessa and Jesse do their little chat. And also, books are for sale.
00:03:05If you click the link here or here or somewhere, the Amazon link, you can buy her book right now.
00:03:12Also, for the people in the room, you can buy the book in the back. Jesse's going to be signing
00:03:15them at the end, and on with the show. So here's a reading from Jesse Klein.
00:03:29Hi. Oh, is that way too loud? Or is that right? This feels okay? Because for me, it feels real
00:03:37bad.
00:03:38And a pen fell. And also, I have already sweat pitted through here. But like, I'm sure you can't see
00:03:46it
00:03:46on the internet. So forget I said that. Thanks all for coming. I'm going to just read a little bit
00:03:54of a chapter called Poodle vs. Wolf. And quickly, just thank you so much, Julie. And thank you so much,
00:04:03Vanessa. And everybody at Refinery29. Okay. A little Poodle vs. Wolf. One late night when I was working
00:04:10at SNL, I wandered out of my office for a break and saw that some random TV in the hallway
00:04:14was tuned
00:04:15to an interview with Angelina Jolie. I think it was with Charlie Rose who was shamelessly hitting on her.
00:04:20This is great. This is totally comfortable. Thank you. Great. Even better. That's what it needed.
00:04:31Hitting on her as is his want when he interviews a pretty lady. I wandered over to watch, as did
00:04:36Emily,
00:04:36one of the senior writers there at the time, and an all-around hilarious and fabulous lady.
00:04:41We both stared at Angelina in awe. Isn't it amazing, Emily asked, that we're the same species she is.
00:04:48It doesn't even feel like we are the same species. I know, I said, and I continued the riff.
00:04:54It's like with dogs. A poodle and a wolf are both technically dogs. But based on appearances, it doesn't
00:05:01make any conceivable sense that they share a common ancestor. We decided that some women are poodles,
00:05:08and some women are wolves. And no matter what a wolf does, like put on makeup or a thong,
00:05:12it will still be a wolf. And no matter what a poodle does, like put on sweatpants, it will always
00:05:16be a poodle.
00:05:18Classic poodle-wolf moment. I'm on my way to meet my friend Tracy for breakfast and decide to wear my
00:05:23new dress,
00:05:24which I love, a black dress with white butterflies and pockets from Agnes B, which is a pricey French retail
00:05:29chain
00:05:29that represented the highest echelons of fanciness to me as a kid. I had never gone in, ever.
00:05:34But a couple of months earlier, I was drawn in by the butterfly dress, and looking in the mirror,
00:05:38I thought I looked really pretty and girly, like Zooey Deschanel, but from Europe.
00:05:42And decided to spend an ungodly amount of cash on this poodle feeling I had.
00:05:46So I enter the subway in my butterfly dress and start to walk slowly to the end of the platform,
00:05:51waiting for men's heads to turn, while I practice saying in my head,
00:05:54take a picture, it'll last longer, even though no one is looking.
00:05:58And then this other woman walks in right behind me, and everything changes.
00:06:02She is clearly a dancer, or a former dancer, but who cares, look at her.
00:06:06She has long, perfect legs that are all one tawny color, not a speckled mixture of winter greens
00:06:11and veiny blues like mine are. And she's wearing short jean shorts and a plain denim shirt,
00:06:15and her hair is sloppily piled on top of her head with a cheap clip.
00:06:19She is stunning. You can feel everyone's energy shift as all men on the platform cycle through
00:06:24their quick glance up, glance away thing that they think will keep them from being caught looking.
00:06:28We catch you looking. We always catch you looking.
00:06:31I then do the secret embarrassing thing of purposely getting on the same subway car as her,
00:06:35so I can keep looking at a pretty person.
00:06:38I am not a lesbian, but looking at her gives me a feeling of pleasure.
00:06:42She is wearing red lipstick and looks basically like Meena Suvari at the exact moment in American Beauty
00:06:47that Kevin Spacey fantasizes about fucking her on a bed of rose petals.
00:06:52Hope it's okay to say that. Should have asked earlier.
00:06:55This woman is a classic poodle, by which I mean she is effortless.
00:06:59It doesn't matter what she is wearing, as this woman isn't especially stylish.
00:07:03But because she's a poodle, she looks good in anything.
00:07:06She will always look like an ocean breeze, short of donning a Nazi uniform on Halloween.
00:07:10And even then you'd forgive her just that one time because it's Halloween and she's so pretty,
00:07:14and that means she's a good person who didn't mean it.
00:07:17When someone is a poodle, you just want to be near her.
00:07:20My own attempt at poodleness suddenly seems like a silly farce,
00:07:23as it is obvious I am just a wolf in poodle's clothing.
00:07:28My butterfly Agnes B dress with pockets may as well be a Ziploc bag filled with old shrimp.
00:07:35Does this all sound too self-deprecating? Because I don't mean it to be.
00:07:39It's just that I am in awe of poodles, these magical lovely women
00:07:42who inherently radiate femininity.
00:07:44They are not necessarily the most beautiful women or even the prettiest.
00:07:48They just seem, without trying at all, to always be in sync with their yin quality.
00:07:52That's the girl one, right?
00:07:53Like an iPhone in constant communication with its cloud.
00:07:57If you're still confused about what a poodle is, just think about this.
00:08:00The girl from Ipanema was obviously written about a poodle.
00:08:04No one would ever write that song about a wolf.
00:08:07Famous poodle women, Angelina Jolie, Karen Knightley, Charlize Theron.
00:08:12She's not French.
00:08:16Famous wolf women, Helena Bonham Carter, Tina Fey, Jennifer Aniston.
00:08:22Jennifer Aniston is actually a very interesting example here.
00:08:25I have friends who think she is a poodle and argue that the reason she is a poodle
00:08:29is that she's beautiful. And she is very beautiful.
00:08:32But being beautiful is not what makes you a poodle or a wolf.
00:08:36There are millions of beautiful wolf women out there.
00:08:38It's how much of the beauty feels like work and like maintenance.
00:08:42Aniston is stunning, but I always have the impression that her beauty comes with an enormous price tag.
00:08:48Getting your hair to be the color of a sunbeam passing through a lion's mane doesn't come cheap.
00:08:54And yes, in Hollywood, everyone's beauty is expensive.
00:08:56But there are a few ladies who seem like they're keeping very high tabs permanently open at every groomer in
00:09:02town.
00:09:03And yes, Jennifer would be stunningly beautiful even if she did nothing.
00:09:06But it's the fact that she chooses to do everything that tells me she is a wolf.
00:09:13If you look at her high school yearbook picture where she has thick eyebrows and an ever so slightly bigger
00:09:17nose,
00:09:18you can see she felt like a wolf.
00:09:20I'm certain she still feels like one.
00:09:22She'd probably feel like a wolf no matter what happened in her life.
00:09:25Because once a wolf, always a wolf.
00:09:26But nothing will really make you feel like a wolf.
00:09:29Like your husband leaving you for a poodle.
00:09:34I have always clearly been a wolf.
00:09:36I grew up knowing nothing about manicures or pedicures or embellished bras.
00:09:40When I got my period at age 13 on Yom Kippur.
00:09:46My mother gave me that crazy elastic belt thingy that women used in the 50s with a weird pad that
00:09:52had extra fabric at both ends
00:09:54so you could tie it onto plastic clips that dangled from the belt.
00:09:57Most of the readers who would know what I'm talking about here are probably dead.
00:10:02My mom is here. I love my mom.
00:10:04But when I think back on it, really, it was unavoidable.
00:10:07We were a wolf family.
00:10:09Poodle characteristics.
00:10:11Poodles are confident.
00:10:12Poodles are always late.
00:10:13Poodles laugh a lot.
00:10:18Wolf characteristics.
00:10:19Wolves need to eat more than poodles do.
00:10:22Both larger amounts and more frequently.
00:10:27I often wonder if I could wave a wand and magically transform myself from a wolf to a poodle.
00:10:32Would I?
00:10:33Most of me says no.
00:10:34I'm proud of being a wolf.
00:10:35My wolf upbringing is responsible for my personality, for my compassion for the rest of the pack.
00:10:41As a wolf, I am a diamond in the rough.
00:10:43I crack jokes.
00:10:45My whole life is about trying, about speaking up in order to be seen, about howling with laughter or howling
00:10:51out how I see the world.
00:10:53But there is another part of me that immediately yells, yes, I would give anything to feel that poodle confidence.
00:10:59To feel comfortable as a woman, like my body is my perfect home.
00:11:03To be the girl from Ipanema and sway down the street emitting an intoxicating hormone like a female deer spritzing
00:11:09the air from under my perky white tail.
00:11:12I'd love to be one of those women who sleeps naked, who never has to buy her own drink, who
00:11:17wears makeup only when she feels like it, who took ballet for years and still carries that motion in her
00:11:22bones, dancing down the street, never a bad angle, completely unselfconscious.
00:11:27Poodle versus wolf, you guys.
00:11:33And as a wolf, I am already dripping in sweat.
00:11:37So, but it's perfect.
00:11:38It illustrates the point.
00:11:39Okay, cool.
00:11:41What do we do now?
00:11:45Oh, thank you.
00:11:47We're going to just move this podium out of the way and then invite up Vanessa.
00:11:52Which side?
00:11:53Which side?
00:11:53My side?
00:11:54This is your side.
00:11:54This is the stage, right?
00:11:55Okay, cool.
00:11:58Vanessa!
00:12:04Okay.
00:12:04Okay.
00:12:05Well.
00:12:06Well.
00:12:06So, everyone got a taste.
00:12:09Little niblet.
00:12:12So, poodle versus wolf.
00:12:13Poodle versus wolf.
00:12:14What would you say I was?
00:12:15I think I'm probably, I think any girl that does comedy is a wolf.
00:12:22I feel like comedy ladies are mostly wolves.
00:12:26Yes.
00:12:27My, one thing that I found that doesn't line up for me with being a wolf is that I'm always
00:12:33late to things.
00:12:34Are you always late?
00:12:35Yes.
00:12:35Maybe you're more of a poodle than you know.
00:12:37So, maybe I'm more of, are you guys having fun?
00:12:38Is this cool?
00:12:40Guys, are you hanging out of every word yet?
00:12:42Cool, cool.
00:12:43Is this cool?
00:12:43Okay, cool.
00:12:45So, your book made me laugh a lot.
00:12:47Thanks, Vanessa.
00:12:48And so, let's talk about other things that make me laugh.
00:12:52Oh, my God.
00:12:53Oh, my God.
00:12:53Have you read David Sedaris?
00:12:56Hilarious.
00:12:57So funny.
00:12:58When people fall but don't get hurt.
00:13:00Oh, my God.
00:13:01Oh, just like a real accident with no stakes.
00:13:06So, the book is great.
00:13:09Can you guys tell I'm very good at this?
00:13:11Yeah.
00:13:11This is perfect.
00:13:12So, I earmarked a few parts of the book, actually.
00:13:16Oh, I saw that it was earmarked.
00:13:17That I thought were really interesting.
00:13:18There's one part of the book where you talk about The Bachelor.
00:13:21Yes.
00:13:22And you're very into The Bachelor.
00:13:24That is a big understatement.
00:13:27Is anyone here watching The Bachelorette right now?
00:13:30If you're not clapping, you're lying.
00:13:31Everyone is watching.
00:13:33What's JoJo going to do?
00:13:34Do you watch?
00:13:35You're watching.
00:13:35I kind of, I don't really watch it.
00:13:38But it's because I watch so much TV that I feel like I'd become a full hermit if I watched.
00:13:43It is a lot of hours of the day.
00:13:45Yes.
00:13:46Sadly, I wish I could pretend, yeah, I watch a lot of quality TV and The Bachelor.
00:13:50But it's really just The Bachelor that I watch mainly on TV.
00:13:54That and your show.
00:13:55Oh, thank you.
00:13:57Yes.
00:13:57So, you were talking about how, you were saying if a bunch of comedy girls did The Bachelor.
00:14:04Yeah.
00:14:05Yeah.
00:14:06So, I do love The Bachelor.
00:14:08This really made me laugh.
00:14:08And it snuck up on me because, like, many people might have this feeling.
00:14:12Oh, why is she kidding?
00:14:13I, I used to be like the person who's like, oh, that's like such a dumb, a dumb show for
00:14:17dummies, for dumb, dumb dummies.
00:14:19And then I watched it and I was like, oh, this is the happiest I think I've ever been.
00:14:25And I watched the Juan Pablo season and that was what got me hooked in, if anyone's familiar
00:14:29with that, with that creepazoid.
00:14:32But anyway, I, I started watching it and I, I was like, I feel like I would be amazing
00:14:39on this show.
00:14:41Like, cause no one's ever funny on it, ever.
00:14:44Um, and then I was like, what if there was just like a version of The Bachelor one season
00:14:48where instead of the women all being like same kind of woman that it always is, which
00:14:52is poodles.
00:14:53If there was a season of The Bachelor where all, like The Bachelor is just a regular
00:14:58bachelor, like the usual guy, like just like a dumb, dummy, hot guy.
00:15:01But then he is surprised to find that every bachelorette is just like a Jewish girl who
00:15:07went to a liberal arts college.
00:15:09And we're all like, we all arrive in like, you know, like a Volvo and we get out of the
00:15:14car and like our clogs and we're like, this is nuts, right?
00:15:18I'm so nervous.
00:15:20Um, yeah.
00:15:21I feel like that would be a genuinely good show.
00:15:24It would be so good.
00:15:25Let's do the show.
00:15:26And I feel like by the end of it, you wouldn't even care about The Bachelor.
00:15:30Everyone would just be like supporting each other and being like, he's garbage.
00:15:33Yeah.
00:15:34No, he's a full garbage bag.
00:15:36Should we just like make a frittata and like hang for a while?
00:15:40Yeah.
00:15:41It would be the best.
00:15:41We'd be so much more concerned that like the snacks were around.
00:15:45Yeah.
00:15:45Should we do like a Costco run?
00:15:48We did one yesterday.
00:15:49We should do another one right now.
00:15:50Yeah.
00:15:51Now we were talking a little bit before this about how we're both very into free things.
00:15:55Oh, I love, oh, but like if I can get a thing without paying.
00:16:00It's amazing.
00:16:00Free snacks to me.
00:16:03There's nothing more important.
00:16:05Um, literally nothing.
00:16:05We were just upstairs and there were chips and it did go through my mind.
00:16:08I was like, should I take these chips?
00:16:11Put them in your bag?
00:16:12Yeah.
00:16:13You should totally take those chips.
00:16:15I will.
00:16:15Anytime I'm on set, I usually have, this is not a joke.
00:16:18It's, I'm going to kind of play it off like it's a joke, even though I already told
00:16:21you it's not.
00:16:21But I usually take a bag with me and I'm like, well, I guess I can put snacks in this
00:16:27bag.
00:16:27Yeah.
00:16:28And I, like I, when I was in Chicago doing, um, touring with second city, I got a reputation.
00:16:34It was like, oh, don't leave, you know, as being loose with snacks.
00:16:39As being like, oh, if you leave those waters, if you leave those waters there, Vanessa will
00:16:43take them.
00:16:44Well, the cutest thing also that happened, it was beyond just a free, it's a free thing,
00:16:50but no expectations.
00:16:51There was a bottle of, of rose wine and like someone had poured like several glasses just
00:16:58to have them ready for someone.
00:17:00And Vanessa was like, ooh, is, ooh, is anybody drinking wine?
00:17:05And, and I was like, yeah, these are for everyone.
00:17:06And then she reached one and she was like, oh, did someone already drink from this one?
00:17:11And someone from this delightful company was like, oh, can we pour you a fresh one?
00:17:15And she was like, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:17:16I just want this one, whether someone has started it or not.
00:17:20Like, no, I'm good.
00:17:22It's just like, I don't want to be a diva.
00:17:22It's just the one that's near me.
00:17:24Um, but yeah, the free, there was free wine just now.
00:17:27And I love that.
00:17:28Ah, a free, a grape, a little cube of a cheddar cheese.
00:17:33Yes.
00:17:34Any of it.
00:17:34Yeah.
00:17:35I was, I was just in France and I, and everyone was drinking.
00:17:38Oh.
00:17:38Excuse me.
00:17:39I'm sorry.
00:17:40I was just in France.
00:17:42Does that register with you guys?
00:17:43Did everyone clock where Vanessa just was?
00:17:45France.
00:17:45That's, but everyone was drinking rosé and there was rosé just now.
00:17:49And I feel like rosé is now like a woman's, like a, like a fancy, cute girl's drink.
00:17:53Yeah.
00:17:54Like a book club.
00:17:55It's like a, it is like a poodle drink.
00:17:56It's a little, well, I mean, I would agree with you except for how much of it I drink,
00:18:00which seems to confirm the wolfness.
00:18:03Um, I don't know.
00:18:05I just feel like, well, I think like, cause I drink white wine a lot and I always go for
00:18:10like, I, I always, I think I drink dorky wine.
00:18:16Like I'll like ask for a Chardonnay and everyone's like, get over yourself.
00:18:21Everyone's like, do you know what year it is?
00:18:23Do you have a brand?
00:18:25No, I, I don't know anything about wine.
00:18:28Me neither.
00:18:29There was, there was a wine last night that I was like, what kind of wine is this?
00:18:33And then you didn't even realize why you were asking.
00:18:34I know that is the thing of like looking at a wine list and just like, Oh, like what's
00:18:39good.
00:18:40And then in your head, you're like, literally any of it would be good for me.
00:18:43It all tastes the same to me.
00:18:44I have no preferences.
00:18:46When waiters are like, do you want to dry or fruity?
00:18:48I'm always like, yes.
00:18:50Yes.
00:18:52Correct.
00:18:52Does anyone really know?
00:18:54I mean, I think I say dry cause I feel like it's the right thing to say.
00:18:59But what is dry?
00:19:00Does it mean sweet?
00:19:01What does it mean?
00:19:02It doesn't make any sense because wine is wet.
00:19:06Yeah.
00:19:07Don't.
00:19:08So it does feel like a real reach.
00:19:09Whatever it means, don't use dry.
00:19:12Like why did dry become a term to describe wine?
00:19:14Because this world is broken, Vanessa.
00:19:18Because the world is so screwed up right now.
00:19:21Yeah.
00:19:21And don't talk about the wine's body.
00:19:24Yeah.
00:19:24Ew.
00:19:25Oh my God.
00:19:26Hashtag.
00:19:26Take it back.
00:19:28What?
00:19:30I don't know what I'm saying.
00:19:31I'm so punchy right now.
00:19:33I am too.
00:19:34I actually had a mix just now of iced coffee, rosé and water that truly is making me feel
00:19:40like...
00:19:40Oh, not in one cup.
00:19:42No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:19:42Oh, I thought you...
00:19:43I was about to be like...
00:19:44I did present it that way.
00:19:47Dude, it's a new thing I'm trying.
00:19:48It's iced coffee, rosé, a little Cheez Whiz, and two Splendas.
00:19:58It's purr for summer.
00:20:00Anyways.
00:20:01Anyways.
00:20:02Um...
00:20:02Well?
00:20:03Was that...
00:20:06I feel like, by the way, I just invented a really dope drink.
00:20:09Yes, you did.
00:20:10Let's try it after this.
00:20:12I'm...
00:20:13I bet do...
00:20:13Is there Cheez Whiz here?
00:20:14I'll go into a fury if that drink's not ready when we're done.
00:20:18Everything else I know is here.
00:20:20Yeah.
00:20:20Everything is totally here.
00:20:22Okay.
00:20:22There's a car filled with...
00:20:24There's a little mini car at the back of this room filled with soda.
00:20:28Also, can I say something about Refinery29?
00:20:30Please.
00:20:30I think we're on the same page about this.
00:20:31I think, like...
00:20:34We were saying how everyone here is so cute.
00:20:37So cute!
00:20:38And...
00:20:38So cute.
00:20:39And, like, how do you do it?
00:20:41You have to keep it up every day.
00:20:43Everyone here is so perfectly adorable.
00:20:46It's too much.
00:20:47I walked in and I was like, ooh, the cute receptionist.
00:20:50And then I was like, ooh, the other...
00:20:52Yes.
00:20:52Like, it's just cute and cute.
00:20:53Isn't it exhausting, you guys?
00:20:55Like, don't you ever want to just, like, be like, I'm...
00:20:58You know, I'm gonna have the wrong accessory.
00:20:59No accessory.
00:21:01Yeah.
00:21:02No.
00:21:03Not wearing my ear cuff today.
00:21:05Yeah.
00:21:05I don't care.
00:21:06Brown hair, I don't care.
00:21:08Also be...
00:21:09That's what you say, right?
00:21:12That's what I say.
00:21:13Right.
00:21:13We don't care.
00:21:15I couldn't care more.
00:21:16I care so much.
00:21:17Anyways, everyone looks great, but...
00:21:18So good.
00:21:19I feel like I could come here, like, on a surprise date, like an undercover boss.
00:21:24Ah!
00:21:24And everyone would look like...
00:21:25You know what I mean?
00:21:26Oh, yeah.
00:21:26Like, I guess this is an event day?
00:21:29No.
00:21:29No.
00:21:29I don't think that's what it is.
00:21:30I think everyone's this cute every day.
00:21:32Every day is an event day.
00:21:33I feel that very strong.
00:21:34I do, too.
00:21:35I feel that energy very strong.
00:21:36I was saying, I think...
00:21:37This is gonna make me sound like an old spinster, but I was saying that I think probably the
00:21:42common denominator is youth.
00:21:44Yes.
00:21:45There's, like, a lot of youth here.
00:21:46Yes.
00:21:47One thing that is really cute is being 23.
00:21:51It's, like, one of the cutest things you can have on is your 23-ness.
00:21:58Um...
00:21:59It's so cute.
00:22:00Yeah.
00:22:00It's really...
00:22:02Yeah.
00:22:02Although we were both talking about the fact that when we were 23...
00:22:06We were...
00:22:06Speaking purely just for myself, I was, like, a full garbage bag of...
00:22:10I didn't know how to...
00:22:12I mean, I can't...
00:22:15Will you fill in while I try to think of how to describe what I wore when I was 23?
00:22:18I have to say, like, that I had such tight curls, and...
00:22:24And just...
00:22:25The tightest.
00:22:26Like, if someone did my hair...
00:22:27Yeah.
00:22:28Ugh.
00:22:29Yeah.
00:22:30Cause, also, you don't know what you want, and I'll...
00:22:32By the way, that sounds so elitist.
00:22:34Like, when I would get my hair done, and I never did when I was in my early 20s, but...
00:22:38Well, you already dropped the France bomb.
00:22:40So...
00:22:41Whatever.
00:22:41I'm just saying, you just don't...
00:22:43You just...
00:22:44Whatever...
00:22:45I didn't have...
00:22:46I mean, God...
00:22:47Yeah.
00:22:47I was basically, like, a feral, like, a raccoon, like, tipping over garbage cans for,
00:22:54like, old capri pants, or whatever.
00:22:58Although, that's very much back on trend.
00:23:00Well, I also, like...
00:23:01I feel like, when I was in Chicago, if I, like, got a shirt from Anthropologie...
00:23:06There's a whole thing about Anthropologie in here.
00:23:07Oh, obsessed.
00:23:07But if I got a shirt from Anthropologie, I'd be like, well, I guess I'm kind of ruining
00:23:11the world when it comes to style.
00:23:13Like, I just would, like, wear the same Anthropologie shirt and be like,
00:23:16I'm like, hey, you guys can all go fuck yourselves.
00:23:20But really?
00:23:21A hundred...
00:23:21Oh, my God.
00:23:22If I had on an Anthropologie dress at that age, I would set up, like, a velvet rope line
00:23:29for men to get on to propose.
00:23:32Yes.
00:23:32Because I'm like, you clocked that I have on, like, an $88 Anthropologie dress.
00:23:36So I'm like, a pretty high status human being.
00:23:40Exactly.
00:23:41Exactly.
00:23:42I still feel that way.
00:23:43Very much.
00:23:44Like, that...
00:23:45Totally.
00:23:45This is not really in the past for me.
00:23:46And like a...
00:23:48Totally.
00:23:49And like a ballet flat.
00:23:51Because it's hard to walk if you have heels on.
00:23:53A ballet flat.
00:24:05Speaking of chunky necklaces...
00:24:07Yeah.
00:24:08Let's get to it.
00:24:09Not to go.
00:24:09Do you...
00:24:10Do you watch...
00:24:11Let's tackle it.
00:24:11Do you watch Real Housewives...
00:24:13Who was I just...
00:24:13Do you watch Real Housewives of New York?
00:24:15I go in and out.
00:24:16I go in and out.
00:24:18There is a housewife who wears so many chunky necklaces.
00:24:22And I've...
00:24:24I don't wanna...
00:24:24I've met her at Barry's Bootcamp.
00:24:26Do you not wanna name names?
00:24:28By the way, I have...
00:24:28I have ten classes left to Barry's Bootcamp.
00:24:31If anyone wants them, I can never go back.
00:24:34Ooh.
00:24:35What happened?
00:24:36Well, I started going...
00:24:37And there was a teacher there that I did really like.
00:24:40But...
00:24:40But it...
00:24:41I would have nightmares about it.
00:24:43Like an hour before...
00:24:44I'd wake up.
00:24:45I'd see that I had an hour left to sleep.
00:24:47And just have nightmares about Barry's Bootcamp for an hour.
00:24:50And then go.
00:24:51And then like finally someone was like,
00:24:52You know you don't have to go, right?
00:24:54And I was like...
00:24:55You know this is an elective thing as a grown-up that you paid for to do.
00:24:59Yes.
00:24:59Yeah.
00:25:00But anyways.
00:25:01Yeah.
00:25:01There's like...
00:25:02You can...
00:25:03Chunky necklaces are not always...
00:25:05Well, we talked...
00:25:06I mean, you were...
00:25:07Anyways.
00:25:07I don't know what my point is, but...
00:25:09No.
00:25:10I'm hearing you loud and clear.
00:25:12And re Barry's Bootcamp.
00:25:14I've never done Barry's Bootcamp, but I did try...
00:25:17Oh, yes.
00:25:17To do bar method?
00:25:20Bar class.
00:25:21This is a chapter in the book that made me laugh so hard.
00:25:25Has anyone here done bar method or the other one?
00:25:29I've done...
00:25:30Physique 57.
00:25:31Physique 57.
00:25:32Or any of the ones.
00:25:33Yeah.
00:25:34There's a few of them.
00:25:35There's a few of them.
00:25:36And they're the ones where you are...
00:25:38The idea is that you're going to sculpt the perfect ass.
00:25:43And that you're going to do it by being...
00:25:45Pretending you're like in ballet training and holding onto a bar.
00:25:48And you just stand there.
00:25:49And you just go up, down, up, down, up, down.
00:25:52For like one billion times in 45 minutes.
00:25:55And I tried to do this and I honestly like saw my life flush before my eyes.
00:26:02But what was crazy is that every other woman there is nailing it.
00:26:06Not missing a beat.
00:26:07Women who are four times as old as I am are there...
00:26:10Pregnant women.
00:26:11Pregnant women.
00:26:12Pregnant women.
00:26:12Women in hospice.
00:26:14Who have just jumped out to like keep it tight in those final days on a drip.
00:26:21Well, and you make this point.
00:26:22There's an article.
00:26:23I mean, there's a chapter about this in the book.
00:26:25And you make this point that like you realize that all these women who look so amazing who
00:26:30live in New York and I'm sure elsewhere, the reason they're working so hard.
00:26:35So hard.
00:26:35And it makes you so sad because you're like...
00:26:38Yeah.
00:26:38It's just the whole thing.
00:26:39There's something very sad about it.
00:26:41Well, I will never do...
00:26:44Let me start a sentence with, I used to go to the gym.
00:26:47And yeah, I was like, whatever, in my thirties.
00:26:51And I was like, I have a gym membership.
00:26:52And I go twice a week, whether I need it or not.
00:26:56And I get on the elliptical and I crush it for 35 minutes.
00:27:00Why am I not seeing changes?
00:27:02Yes.
00:27:02By the way.
00:27:06And then I was like, but I'm on the elliptical 35 minutes twice a week.
00:27:10Like, why is anything loose?
00:27:13And then I went to bar method for the first time and I was like, oh, this is what it
00:27:19takes.
00:27:19And what did you say about the elliptical in this book?
00:27:22I can't remember what it was, but...
00:27:24Oh, for women who go to bar method, doing the elliptical is basically like their nap.
00:27:29Yeah.
00:27:30Like, if they're tired, it's like, I guess I'll go on the elliptical for a type 40.
00:27:32Yeah, I feel like a trainer said that to me or something, it was like, the elliptical,
00:27:36like, you might as well...
00:27:37It's nothing.
00:27:37Like, eat a cake.
00:27:38What a bummer, right?
00:27:40You burn more calories, digesting.
00:27:41If anyone goes on the elliptical, keep doing it, don't listen.
00:27:44But like, it just is such a bummer that you're like...
00:27:46It's such a bummer.
00:27:47That you can't, then you have to...
00:27:49Thank God I have the best personality.
00:27:56I just want to read magazines on the elliptical.
00:27:59Oh, reading a magazine on the elliptical is one of the great joys.
00:28:04I feel like you're getting stuck down.
00:28:05Who wore it best?
00:28:06Have you...
00:28:06Why am I not on this?
00:28:08Have you been on the machine where it goes like, your legs go like, kind of like that?
00:28:15Or like...
00:28:15Oh, I try the one where your legs go out.
00:28:18It's so hard to balance.
00:28:19I...
00:28:20It's a dangerous machine, I would say.
00:28:22It's a dangerous machine.
00:28:23It's not okay for common use.
00:28:25Yes.
00:28:26Yeah, it's your leg.
00:28:27You're doing...
00:28:27You get on it and you go...
00:28:28You're sort of wheeling out.
00:28:30Yeah.
00:28:31Yeah, you go like that.
00:28:32But I don't...
00:28:33Is anyone really using that?
00:28:34No, nobody uses it.
00:28:35When I use it...
00:28:36It should be...
00:28:37I think I'm using it for show, like at the gym, because it's...
00:28:40I actually don't even belong anymore, but it's in the front.
00:28:44And I feel like I'm just doing it to be like...
00:28:46See?
00:28:49Gotcha.
00:28:51It seems...
00:28:52But I remember when I saw that machine and I looked at the diet, the diagram on it,
00:28:57where I was like, oh, my legs do that.
00:28:59As someone who has a butt that is very much shaped like a quadrangle,
00:29:04or a trapezoid, I guess, is a quadrangle.
00:29:07That's a type of an angle.
00:29:09Yeah.
00:29:10Pull the plug.
00:29:13No, I just...
00:29:14It's very...
00:29:15Rom...
00:29:16Romzoidal.
00:29:17And I was like, this seems like it would hit...
00:29:19Yeah.
00:29:20This would shave the corners down.
00:29:21That I want to shave down.
00:29:23Yeah.
00:29:24I want to shave...
00:29:24You know, you want to shave the corners of your butt down.
00:29:27Yeah.
00:29:28Right?
00:29:33I need you so much right now.
00:29:36Don't you die on me, Vanessa.
00:29:39Don't you die on me, girl.
00:29:41Shave my butt down.
00:29:41Here's what I was going to...
00:29:43This is what I want to ask you, too, on the subject of gyms.
00:29:46Mm-hmm.
00:29:46I don't know if you belong to a gym that has...
00:29:48No.
00:29:49...a juice bar in it.
00:29:52No.
00:29:52No, I've never afforded that.
00:29:54Who buys juice at the gym?
00:29:55Because it's so intimidating.
00:29:57It is very intimidating.
00:29:59It's always very green and very expensive.
00:30:01No one...
00:30:01It feels like no one here is relating to that, because I didn't really get a reaction, but
00:30:04every time I've gone to buy a juice at an Equinox, it's like...
00:30:09Oh, what's that?
00:30:09Sorry, I named you.
00:30:11Yeah.
00:30:11No, you earned it.
00:30:12Every time I've gone to...
00:30:13But I don't belong...
00:30:14But they're always like, do you have cash?
00:30:19And I'm like, what?
00:30:20What?
00:30:24Wait, they ask if you have cash?
00:30:26I don't know.
00:30:26I just...
00:30:27At the juice bar?
00:30:27Just put it on the thing.
00:30:29Like...
00:30:29But they don't take a credit card?
00:30:31You know, it's always...
00:30:32They always, like, make me feel like I can't get juice there.
00:30:35I do...
00:30:38I...
00:30:39You know, I only...
00:30:41I've never fully belonged at UNS, but I...
00:30:44I had a guest membership at UNS once.
00:30:47I was, like, subletting somewhere, and I...
00:30:49So I...
00:30:49For three months, I went to that gym.
00:30:52And the person who served the juice, I just remember being...
00:30:55They were so beautiful.
00:30:57Yeah.
00:30:57And I was so intimidated.
00:30:59And I...
00:31:00I made the most, like, disgusting, shameless attempts to try to, like, be their cool friend.
00:31:09When I would go buy a juice.
00:31:11What would you do?
00:31:11I'd just be like, hey, what's up?
00:31:13Or, hi, what kind of juice do you have to...
00:31:18I don't know.
00:31:19I just...
00:31:19I just wanted to seem like I fit in there.
00:31:23Oh, my God.
00:31:24And it did not work.
00:31:25It's...
00:31:25That's how I always feel.
00:31:27It's like when you feel your personality being so big, and you just feel, like, around a cool, quiet person.
00:31:33Yeah.
00:31:33Where they're just like...
00:31:34Someone whose energy is just at rest.
00:31:37That's...
00:31:38Half of the interactions I have with people, I'm like, hey, I'm gonna...
00:31:43Hello!
00:31:46Yeah.
00:31:47Very much that.
00:31:48I can't...
00:31:48And also, I'm a Scorpio, so I guess I'm supposed to be mysterious.
00:31:55Like...
00:31:56Yes.
00:31:56I remember being a kid and reading, like, about Scorpios being mysterious and being like, I guess I'm mysterious.
00:32:03Being like, should I not be telling everyone everything?
00:32:07I...
00:32:07What is your sign, Jessie?
00:32:09I...
00:32:10Wow.
00:32:11I thought you'd never ask.
00:32:13I am a Leo, and when...
00:32:18Yes!
00:32:19There you are.
00:32:20I...
00:32:20Always cool.
00:32:22I...
00:32:23Yeah.
00:32:24When you, like...
00:32:25Growing up, I was like, what am I?
00:32:27I'm a Leo.
00:32:27What's that?
00:32:28And the description of Leo's is always like, you're a narcissistic asshole.
00:32:34You only care about yourself.
00:32:37And pretty much, um, you need to, like, learn to care about others.
00:32:41And I was like, oh, I feel pretty shy and unwanted.
00:32:44But anyway, um, yeah, like, some, some of the signs seem to get, like, more of a bad rap.
00:32:49Yeah.
00:32:49But mysterious seems like a good descriptor.
00:32:52Yeah, that's me.
00:32:52I feel like you are pretty mysterious.
00:32:53Yeah, I'm always like...
00:32:54Like, what's going on in there?
00:32:57Yeah, I'm a closed book.
00:32:59Yeah.
00:33:00Like...
00:33:00Is that a thing?
00:33:02Is that a thing?
00:33:02Like a murky water...
00:33:03Yeah.
00:33:04...that runs very deep.
00:33:06Yeah.
00:33:06Is that a...
00:33:06Not a murky water.
00:33:08A murky...
00:33:08That sounds bad.
00:33:10I don't know.
00:33:11What else?
00:33:12What else?
00:33:15Um, where are we?
00:33:16Oh, are we going too long?
00:33:18You're like, no, you have seven hours left.
00:33:20Believe it or not, you've...
00:33:22That's been one minute.
00:33:23Wait, is there...
00:33:25Okay, okay.
00:33:27So, let's talk...
00:33:28Let's go back.
00:33:28Let's revisit the book, right?
00:33:30Yeah, let's get into the book.
00:33:32Okay, um...
00:33:33It's important.
00:33:33Okay, the book...
00:33:34Yeah, I know.
00:33:36Do you want me to hold your microphone while you flip?
00:33:37Or you can do it.
00:33:38Oh, um...
00:33:40Oh, gosh.
00:33:41Well, there's so much funny stuff in here.
00:33:44Um, the bath was interesting to me.
00:33:47You make a very interesting point with the bath.
00:33:50Um...
00:33:50Yeah.
00:33:51Please, please...
00:33:52I don't like them.
00:33:53I don't...
00:33:53I don't...
00:33:54I don't like taking a bath.
00:33:56Um, I...
00:33:57Um, I've never liked taking baths.
00:33:59It feels like, um, you're sort of making, like, the world's saddest soup out of yourself.
00:34:05Um, and like...
00:34:07I don't know.
00:34:07It just...
00:34:08Like, when you take a bath...
00:34:10I don't...
00:34:10I think...
00:34:11I think this is what it is for everyone.
00:34:12But you take a bath, and that was like your get clean time.
00:34:15But then after the bath, you have to shower.
00:34:17Yeah.
00:34:17Right?
00:34:18Yeah.
00:34:20Oh, God.
00:34:20I was really about to be like, am I dangling here?
00:34:22Um, and so it's like, why did I just waste all that time?
00:34:25That clean-up time.
00:34:27Yeah.
00:34:27Doing that.
00:34:28But it feels like with...
00:34:29And I, like, love Oprah.
00:34:32But Oprah, the obsession...
00:34:35She, I mean, I've read...
00:34:36Like, Oprah's like...
00:34:37She refers to bathing as her hobby.
00:34:41Like, that's her hobby.
00:34:43Um, and she loves it.
00:34:45And it's like, your lady time to, like, do you in the bath.
00:34:50And it just...
00:34:51I don't know.
00:34:51It always feels gross to me.
00:34:52And I...
00:34:53My theory is just that, like...
00:34:55I don't know.
00:34:55It feels like women are trained to love the bath because, in fact, like, we don't really
00:35:01have another room to go to.
00:35:03Yeah.
00:35:03In the house, usually.
00:35:04Because, like, at some point, whatever, you're married and you have kids and everyone else
00:35:08is taking up that space and you're supposed to just, like, love being in the water.
00:35:13Um, I don't know.
00:35:14But, I mean, I get it.
00:35:15If people like them, I guess.
00:35:16And you said...
00:35:16And you make a point in the book, which is true, which is, like, men don't...
00:35:19It's not really a thing that men...
00:35:21No.
00:35:22...do.
00:35:22Like, they don't escape to the bath.
00:35:24No.
00:35:24It, like, feels like...
00:35:25They have a man cave.
00:35:26Yeah.
00:35:27Yeah, with their tools.
00:35:28Yeah.
00:35:29And cars?
00:35:31I don't know what's in a man cave.
00:35:32I feel like if you are really rich, you can put cars in...
00:35:35The man cave's probably in a big garage.
00:35:39Agreed.
00:35:40Fully agree.
00:35:41Yeah.
00:35:41Yeah.
00:35:41I don't know.
00:35:42I don't want to judge...
00:35:43I mean, no judgements.
00:35:44But that was an interesting...
00:35:46That was very interesting to me and made me laugh a lot.
00:35:49Thank you, Vanessa.
00:35:51What else made me laugh?
00:35:51I really feel like I want to hold your microphone because...
00:35:53No.
00:35:54This looks natural.
00:35:56No, no, no.
00:35:57Very poodle.
00:35:58I feel like I look really good doing this.
00:36:01What...
00:36:02So, okay.
00:36:02So, anyways.
00:36:04I just...
00:36:04I truly...
00:36:05This...
00:36:05I know I said this at the beginning.
00:36:06This book really did make me laugh out loud in a way that...
00:36:09Thank you so much, Vanessa.
00:36:09I think, like, if someone was, like, you know, saw it, they'd be like, oh, something's
00:36:16wrong.
00:36:20That compliment from Vanessa means everything because I am very obsessed with her.
00:36:25I'm going to go with talking about you like you're not here.
00:36:27Oh.
00:36:27And I feel like Vanessa is kind of the funniest woman in the world.
00:36:30Am I right?
00:36:31Give it up.
00:36:32It's nice.
00:36:33No, I really...
00:36:33It's so crazy to me.
00:36:35I just, like, when I wrote this book, there's...
00:36:36It took a really long time because I'm a very slow writer and I spend a lot of time on
00:36:40the internet not writing.
00:36:42And, um...
00:36:43That's funny.
00:36:43But there was a certain point in which while I was writing it, I forgot that anyone would
00:36:46ever read it.
00:36:48I was just like, oh, this is something I'm writing.
00:36:50I forgot the other half.
00:36:52And so it's very...
00:36:53It's very rewarding to hear that.
00:36:55Oh.
00:36:55Oh, thank you.
00:36:56That's, you know...
00:37:00You're welcome.
00:37:00Sorry, you guys.
00:37:01Get out of here.
00:37:02Yeah.
00:37:02No, no, no.
00:37:03This is good.
00:37:03This is good content.
00:37:05Oh.
00:37:06Okay.
00:37:07We're going to take...
00:37:08I've got the...
00:37:10No, thank you.
00:37:13Well, okay.
00:37:14So now we're going to take some questions...
00:37:16Yes.
00:37:17We will.
00:37:20From...
00:37:20Uh...
00:37:21Whose question is burning them up?
00:37:23Okay.
00:37:24Oh, so we're going to take them from...
00:37:25Oh.
00:37:26Oh, nice.
00:37:27From Facebook Live.
00:37:28Wonderful.
00:37:28Let's see how I...
00:37:29Ooh, look, an iPad.
00:37:30Okay.
00:37:31Okay.
00:37:32So here...
00:37:34Okay.
00:37:35Um...
00:37:36So this is...
00:37:37These are some questions.
00:37:38I'm going to take questions from...
00:37:40Good.
00:37:42Uh...
00:37:42Facebook Live.
00:37:43Facebook Live.
00:37:43The thing we're on.
00:37:45Facebook Live.
00:37:47Okay.
00:37:49Um...
00:37:49Okay.
00:37:50Here's...
00:37:50Okay.
00:37:50Okay.
00:37:51Uh...
00:37:52Jessica Mann wants to know...
00:37:54Yes.
00:37:55How long did it take you to write your girl out of it?
00:37:58Great question, Jessica.
00:38:01Um...
00:38:01It took about three years from typing word one to typing the last word.
00:38:09But of that three years, I think two years were internet time.
00:38:15Googling.
00:38:15That's going to be funny.
00:38:16Just...
00:38:16Yeah.
00:38:17So really a year, but it should...
00:38:20But it stretched out.
00:38:21Because I wasted a lot of time.
00:38:23But that's...
00:38:24Like, not to go off topic, but like...
00:38:26Please.
00:38:26And this is going to make me sound like an old lady again, but like...
00:38:29If the internet was around when I was like in high school, like I wouldn't have graduated.
00:38:34Oh, no.
00:38:35I...
00:38:35No, I would have...
00:38:36I think I would...
00:38:36I'd have bed sores.
00:38:38Yeah.
00:38:39I would just have not moved.
00:38:40Yeah.
00:38:41Yeah.
00:38:41I don't know how many...
00:38:42I don't know how these girls are putting themselves together and leaving the house.
00:38:45Yes.
00:38:46With all this content.
00:38:47It's too much.
00:38:48Okay.
00:38:49Sydney Cobill...
00:38:50Sydney.
00:38:51...writes, I'm a huge fan of all of your work.
00:38:54You do so much.
00:38:56It sounds like I'm mocking her.
00:38:59Sorry, I'm doing like these little like...
00:39:04biting impressions.
00:39:06Okay.
00:39:07You do so much.
00:39:08Can it be difficult to balance all of your separate projects?
00:39:13No.
00:39:14It's not really that difficult because there actually are not as many as there would appear.
00:39:21No.
00:39:22I...
00:39:23I...
00:39:23Is it hard?
00:39:25Occasionally.
00:39:26There were moments...
00:39:26There are times where it feels like somehow...
00:39:29But again, it's mostly because of my own procrastination that things get into a bit of a clump.
00:39:35Yeah.
00:39:35Sometimes.
00:39:36I let things clump up.
00:39:37But if I just did the...
00:39:38You know, like the thing you're supposed to do where you write every day and, you know,
00:39:42make a time and sit and have discipline, it wouldn't clump up so much.
00:39:50Yeah.
00:39:50But yeah.
00:39:51Occasionally.
00:39:51But I like to have more than one thing to work on at a time because you work on one
00:39:56and
00:39:56then you're like, ugh, I hate this.
00:39:58This sucks.
00:39:59And then you go to the other one.
00:40:00Yeah.
00:40:00And then you get to, ugh, this sucks.
00:40:02And then you go to the other one and I'm like, oh, this one wasn't so bad.
00:40:04Yeah.
00:40:05Great.
00:40:05Yeah.
00:40:07What was that?
00:40:07Sydney?
00:40:07Sydney.
00:40:08Great question.
00:40:09And Sydney, I'm sorry if it sounded like I was doing an impression of you.
00:40:11I think you owe Sydney a real policy.
00:40:14Okay.
00:40:15Here, Courtney Paulistina.
00:40:19Why are you...
00:40:20I just feel like I am not making fun of your last name.
00:40:23I just was saying...
00:40:24It's a lot of syllables.
00:40:25I was trying to enunciate.
00:40:27Yeah.
00:40:27Wants to know, is there anything in your career that you still want to tackle?
00:40:31What is your next passion project?
00:40:33Ooh.
00:40:34Is there anything I still want to tackle?
00:40:36I think you've done it all.
00:40:38I'm sorry.
00:40:39Sorry.
00:40:39Sorry.
00:40:40You got so much vocal fry.
00:40:42You're like, you've done it all.
00:40:44As...
00:40:44Um...
00:40:45Um...
00:40:46Yeah, I, um...
00:40:48I...
00:40:49There are other things I think I would like to do, but I, um...
00:40:52It has been so all-encompassing doing the book and then occasionally doing, like, things
00:40:57where I'd go to an office and work on someone else's thing that, um...
00:41:00I haven't thought about the next thing very much, but I'm hoping to think about that thing
00:41:05very soon.
00:41:07Great.
00:41:07Do I seem like a Scorpio right now?
00:41:09You seem like...
00:41:09I was just gonna say...
00:41:10I was just gonna say you're acting like such a Scorpio.
00:41:14Um...
00:41:15I wish I was hiding anything, but there's literally nothing in there.
00:41:19Right.
00:41:20That's how I always feel.
00:41:23Um...
00:41:23Uh...
00:41:24Ab...
00:41:26Abby Nathan asks, who are your favorite comedians?
00:41:30Heroes?
00:41:31Okay.
00:41:31I'm just kidding.
00:41:34Ha!
00:41:36Um...
00:41:37Comedians and heroes.
00:41:39Vanessa Pear.
00:41:40Um...
00:41:41That's so sweet.
00:41:42Yeah.
00:41:43Thank you!
00:41:45Um...
00:41:45I...
00:41:46I love Aidy Bryant on the show as well.
00:41:48She's a dream.
00:41:49Um...
00:41:50A lot of the yuge.
00:41:51Tina Fey.
00:41:52Yeah.
00:41:53Amy Poehler.
00:41:54Amy Chumer.
00:41:56Um...
00:41:57Janine Garofalo was, like, a big hero of mine.
00:42:00When I was, um, growing up and watching stand-up on TV, I just was obsessed with her.
00:42:05Yeah.
00:42:05She had this one HBO special where she basically was in, like, pajama shorts and, like, a flannel.
00:42:11And I was like, that's for me.
00:42:16Um...
00:42:16And, yeah.
00:42:17I don't know.
00:42:17Chris Rock and Louis C.K.
00:42:18Yeah.
00:42:19And, like, a lot of...
00:42:20Yeah.
00:42:20A lot of those people.
00:42:22Does that answer that question?
00:42:24That's enough.
00:42:26That'll do, pig.
00:42:28That'll do.
00:42:29Um...
00:42:30Okay.
00:42:31Ashley Tremble writes, what's harder?
00:42:37Writing a book or doing stand-up?
00:42:41Ooh.
00:42:43Um...
00:42:44They are both hard.
00:42:47Um...
00:42:47I feel like they would come easier to someone else.
00:42:51Um...
00:42:52I think, um, they're, they're hard and enjoyable in different ways.
00:42:57Writing a book, again, for me, with the internet time, takes a long time.
00:43:02Stand-up, there's the immediate gratification, and you get kind of constant feedback as we're getting now.
00:43:08Right.
00:43:08Where there's moments where we're like, it's hitting.
00:43:10Yeah.
00:43:10And then moments where we're like, are we out of time?
00:43:13Um...
00:43:13And you kind of constantly are like, this is working.
00:43:16And then with the book, you're just kind of in it alone.
00:43:18And you are just like, this could just be a real pile of paper cups that no one will ever
00:43:24care about.
00:43:25Um...
00:43:26So, yeah, you're just a little more unsure.
00:43:28And that can be very frightening.
00:43:30Yeah.
00:43:30Not having the...
00:43:39Not having...
00:43:40Time life.
00:43:41Yeah.
00:43:41Is there anything else that you want to say, you know, about the book, about...
00:43:49Uh...
00:43:50Um...
00:43:50Career.
00:43:51The future project.
00:43:53What would you do?
00:43:53And then...
00:43:54Um...
00:43:55Literally, no.
00:43:56And, um...
00:43:58No.
00:43:58Oh, we're gonna take questions from here.
00:43:59Oh.
00:44:00From the audience.
00:44:01From the real people.
00:44:01I said, from the real people.
00:44:02Those were real also, I hope.
00:44:04Oh, so there are people here.
00:44:06Well, if they're not real, they did...
00:44:07Those robots made up great names.
00:44:12Sorry for calling you guys robots.
00:44:14So angry at the names.
00:44:14First I impersonate you, and then I call you robots.
00:44:16Okay.
00:44:17Okay.
00:44:17So now we're gonna take some questions from the audience.
00:44:19From the people here.
00:44:20Okay.
00:44:22Chi-okay.
00:44:23Chi-okay.
00:44:25Um...
00:44:26Yes.
00:44:26Yes.
00:44:29What was the first comedy project you ever did?
00:44:32What was the first comedy project I ever did?
00:44:36Um...
00:44:36My first...
00:44:38Um...
00:44:39Well, I...
00:44:40So I worked at Comedy Central in development for a long time.
00:44:43That was like my first job.
00:44:45My first real job out of college.
00:44:47I also worked at a video store.
00:44:48And I temped.
00:44:50Um...
00:44:51You're welcome.
00:44:52Uh...
00:44:53But then my...
00:44:53My first comedy writing job was I worked on, um...
00:44:57A show called The Showbiz Show with David Spade.
00:45:00Also, you're welcome.
00:45:02Um...
00:45:03That was on Comedy Central.
00:45:04And, um...
00:45:04It was great.
00:45:05It was like this perfect first job.
00:45:07David Spade was super lovely and funny.
00:45:09I adored him.
00:45:11Yeah.
00:45:11He's awesome.
00:45:12He's so great.
00:45:12He's so great.
00:45:13And, like, genuinely a delightful...
00:45:15He was one of my...
00:45:16I met him at the SNL 40th.
00:45:17I was like, he's one of my favorite people that I've met, like, as...
00:45:21He's the best.
00:45:21He's so great.
00:45:23Yeah.
00:45:23He...
00:45:23We had a moment...
00:45:25Truly.
00:45:25I know.
00:45:26I know.
00:45:26Now it's getting back to sounding like sarcasm.
00:45:29Being sarcastic.
00:45:29But he...
00:45:30I just loved him.
00:45:31We had a quick...
00:45:32I don't know why.
00:45:33I would not have predicted we'd get into David Spade stories.
00:45:35But I was...
00:45:37We...
00:45:37He took the writers to dinner.
00:45:38And, um...
00:45:39I was wearing...
00:45:40Because it was many years ago.
00:45:42I was wearing a very treasured swatch of mine.
00:45:46Like a swatch watch.
00:45:47And, um...
00:45:48He was like, oh, where did...
00:45:51He was like, what's with the...
00:45:52What's with your watch?
00:45:53I think it had a frog on it.
00:45:55It was, like, blue.
00:45:56And I was, like, over 30 with a green frog on my watch.
00:45:59And I was, my...
00:46:00I was like, oh, my boyfriend at the time.
00:46:02I was like, my boyfriend gave it to me.
00:46:04Uh...
00:46:04And he just, like...
00:46:06He just, like, looked at it and he just went, get rid.
00:46:12And it was very much needed advice.
00:46:14He was not wrong.
00:46:16Amazing.
00:46:16By the way, my first phone was a swatch phone.
00:46:19Remember the swatch phones where you could see through them?
00:46:21Oh, not only do you remember it, I thought of it.
00:46:22I think of it every morning.
00:46:25Yeah, the see-through where you can see what's going on in your phone.
00:46:29Which is, like, it's all fake wires, right?
00:46:30Yeah, it's...
00:46:30Like, it's all colorful, like, fake wires that don't do anything.
00:46:34But you're like, whoa!
00:46:35It's so cool!
00:46:36And the bottom and the top...
00:46:37I thought this was gonna fall.
00:46:38No, no, no.
00:46:39The bottom of the phone and the top of the phone both work like phones.
00:46:41It's basically two phones.
00:46:44Well, there's your love of free stuff.
00:46:46Two phones for the price of one phone.
00:46:49Great.
00:46:50Awesome.
00:46:51Nobody knows what we're talking about.
00:46:53Everyone's too young.
00:46:53No, no, no.
00:46:54Who else has a question?
00:46:57Okay, kind of a quiet...
00:46:58Chica, do you have another one?
00:47:01Does anyone...
00:47:02Oh, my cousin Brooke.
00:47:03We're only gonna call people that we know.
00:47:08Of course.
00:47:10When did you know you were funny?
00:47:12Great question.
00:47:15Um...
00:47:16I...
00:47:17Uh...
00:47:18I...
00:47:18I...
00:47:18I do...
00:47:19There was not, like, a, um, aha moment of I'm funny, but I...
00:47:24I was noticing in high school that I wasn't becoming particularly attracted.
00:47:31And...
00:47:32And...
00:47:32But I was, like, time to lean on something else.
00:47:35And so I...
00:47:36I tried being funny, and I...
00:47:38And that seemed to go better than, um, relying on the other parts.
00:47:44Um, so...
00:47:45Yeah, I think, like, in college I...
00:47:48I auditioned for, um, a sketch group.
00:47:51Um...
00:47:52Yeah, oh, Rishi from college.
00:47:54Um, we went to...
00:47:55The only people that we know are here.
00:47:57And everyone's, like, are they in their house?
00:48:01Um...
00:48:01We went to Vassar College.
00:48:03And there was a sketch group called Laughing Stock.
00:48:05And I auditioned for it.
00:48:06And I got in, and I was, like, well, that feels like a...
00:48:08A big, um...
00:48:11A big vote of confidence.
00:48:13How many more questions?
00:48:17Unless there's...
00:48:17Oh, here's a question.
00:48:19How's a great, uh...
00:48:20How becoming a mom...
00:48:24What a great...
00:48:25Sorry.
00:48:26That's a great question.
00:48:26Yeah, how becoming a mom...
00:48:27I just...
00:48:28For Facebook.
00:48:29Can I say something so humiliating?
00:48:32Which was, as she was asking that question, I honestly thought she said,
00:48:35How becoming a model?
00:48:36And I was like, oh, but I'm not a model!
00:48:41She asked how becoming a mom affected your writing.
00:48:45Not a model.
00:48:46Not a model.
00:48:46Yeah, you didn't ask about me becoming a model, because I'm not one.
00:48:50How did, um, that is a...
00:48:51By the way, you look gorgeous tonight.
00:48:53Thank you so much.
00:48:54Yeah.
00:48:54So many people helped, but thank you.
00:48:56As do you.
00:48:57I love your red lips.
00:48:58Thank you very much.
00:48:58Also, thank you.
00:48:59It feels like it's really spreading all over my face, but...
00:49:03It's not.
00:49:04It's perfectly where it is.
00:49:05Okay, okay.
00:49:06Um, no, that is a really, um, genuinely good question.
00:49:10Um, I think I'm still figuring it out.
00:49:12Um, I have a son who's, uh, just turned one, and he is the bomb.
00:49:17And, uh, and, uh, I, you know, I think, um, you learn a lot about patience, um, when you have
00:49:24a baby.
00:49:24Because it's, uh, it's just very nonstop.
00:49:28And, um, it also doesn't leave a lot of time.
00:49:30So, like, all that time I used to spend on the internet, um, suddenly that is not there as much.
00:49:35And I, I want to spend time with my kid, and that leaves a shorter amount of time, in a
00:49:39good way, sometimes, to write.
00:49:41And it just, it kind of, it focuses the attention on, like, getting it done.
00:49:46Um, but, yeah, I'm kind of, it's still kind of new.
00:49:49Check back in.
00:49:51Yeah.
00:49:53Um, oh, we've got one over here, yes.
00:49:58Are you gonna go back to, I'm saying it for Facebook.
00:50:01Are you gonna go back to stand-up at some point?
00:50:03Um, I would very much like to.
00:50:05There was a moment, um, I was trying to do stand-up when I was pregnant.
00:50:09And then there was a moment when I was about seven months pregnant, where, um, I, I was a very
00:50:15large pregnant person.
00:50:16And I, I'm not, I mean, I, you're supposed to be big when you're pregnant.
00:50:19It's not self-deprecating.
00:50:21Objectively, I was enormous.
00:50:23Like, if you, there's, like, pictures of me and Amy Schumer at, um, our premiere party for Thursdays.
00:50:28And you were like, oh, that person's gonna give birth any day.
00:50:31And it was, like, month six.
00:50:32Um, but, uh, anyway, I tried to go up on stage.
00:50:36And I was, like, trying to talk.
00:50:38And I was like, oh, I can't very much breathe.
00:50:40So I decided to take a break.
00:50:42Uh, but I really miss it.
00:50:44And I'm going, I think I'm gonna try and do a little more soon.
00:50:47This feels like a nice soft landing.
00:50:48Yeah.
00:50:49Into it in some ways.
00:50:51Yes.
00:50:52Yes.
00:50:53Yeah.
00:50:53Yes.
00:50:54Oh, over here.
00:50:55Yes.
00:50:55Um, did getting an Emmy change your writing style or the way you feel about yourself?
00:51:08I, like, I've never gotten an Emmy, but I would think, like, it doesn't matter.
00:51:13But...
00:51:16You're correct.
00:51:17Vanessa, you're so right.
00:51:18I think it wouldn't affect me.
00:51:19It's, like, about you.
00:51:20It's, like, it doesn't matter what other people think.
00:51:22No.
00:51:22And, in fact, great question.
00:51:24And, um, there is a chapter in the book entitled Dog Shit, um, in which I describe
00:51:30how that, um, feeling remained both before and after the Emmy.
00:51:35Um, it was very awesome to win one, um, and was really exciting and unbelievable.
00:51:42But, um, no, writing style, um, definitely no.
00:51:46Um, and how I feel about myself, um, sadly, no.
00:51:51All the same anxiety and sweating disorders.
00:51:57Um, yeah.
00:51:58I don't know.
00:51:58It's awesome in that moment and then you just kind of keep on dealing with yourself,
00:52:02I think.
00:52:03Ooh.
00:52:04Right, Vanessa?
00:52:05I mean, I don't know, but, like, I would think that.
00:52:08Do you...
00:52:09No, but, like, you will, but, like...
00:52:11Well, and it doesn't matter.
00:52:12No.
00:52:12No, no, no.
00:52:13It's not a measure of anything.
00:52:14That's what, like, kind of, like, resonates with me is that it doesn't matter.
00:52:20Oh, my God.
00:52:22Oh.
00:52:24Anybody else?
00:52:24You'll get one.
00:52:25Well, I don't, I don't care.
00:52:28How do you look at one, though?
00:52:29Well, I don't know.
00:52:30I feel pretty confident about it.
00:52:32Oh.
00:52:32Well, well, I don't know.
00:52:35Any other questions?
00:52:37We're, um, we're sweating a lot.
00:52:42Yes.
00:52:43This one's kind of a little bit more curious.
00:52:45It's like, people keep saying that it's such a great time for, like, female comedians.
00:52:49Like, how does that make you feel to hear it?
00:52:52People keep saying it's such a great time for female comedians.
00:52:56That's a great question.
00:52:57How does it make you feel?
00:52:58How does it make you feel?
00:52:59Do you want to answer first?
00:53:00I'm going to think while you talk.
00:53:01I always...
00:53:02I want to know what you think.
00:53:04It's interesting because I think if you are a female comedian, you're like, I guess,
00:53:11right?
00:53:11Right.
00:53:12Like, you don't feel like, yeah, we're really...
00:53:15Because there's still is like, it feels like there's still a thing of like, if this
00:53:18female comedy goes well, that's good for...
00:53:20Right.
00:53:21And you're like, really?
00:53:22Yeah.
00:53:23Like, it feels like every time a female comedy comes out, people are like...
00:53:26You better go.
00:53:26This is it for women.
00:53:27If it works, women works.
00:53:28If it doesn't work, women don't work.
00:53:29Buy 20 tickets, throw them in the garbage, whether you see it or not, but buy them.
00:53:33Or it'll never happen again.
00:53:35And meanwhile, like, you know, like, male comedy people or whatever, directors are like,
00:53:42pooping out another turd.
00:53:44And everyone's like, this will be amazing.
00:53:47Um, no worries.
00:53:49Um, yeah, I, I do.
00:53:50I, yes.
00:53:51Yes.
00:53:52Like you said.
00:53:53Yeah.
00:53:53It feels a little, it feels like I, I think in some ways that is true.
00:53:58But I think in other ways, it's like, the fact that people keep being like, it's great
00:54:02for women now, right?
00:54:04Right.
00:54:04You're like, I guess.
00:54:06Yeah.
00:54:06It's like...
00:54:08I've sweated through my underwear.
00:54:10So how great is it?
00:54:12Um, I...
00:54:15That's actually kind of the perfect...
00:54:17Yeah.
00:54:18Yeah.
00:54:19Um, I, I do, I mean, yeah, it does.
00:54:21I, I mean, definitely now more than ever.
00:54:26There are, I mean, it is great that there are so many, I think the fact that there are
00:54:29so many women writing and creating shows, um, that is something that was not happening,
00:54:34I don't know, 10 years ago in terms of the numbers.
00:54:37Uh, that's a big deal.
00:54:39Women kind of, I think, feeling like, um, there's space to, to write stuff.
00:54:44And that story is about women are not in any way trivial.
00:54:49Yeah.
00:54:49They're just, they're, they're your story.
00:54:52They don't, they're not, can I say less than?
00:54:55Right.
00:54:56Yeah.
00:54:56Well, and I just hope that like, I feel like when we really, when it's really a good time
00:55:00for women in comedy, it won't even be like a thing.
00:55:03Like women in comedy won't be like a...
00:55:05Yeah.
00:55:05It will just be like people.
00:55:07Yeah.
00:55:07Comedy.
00:55:08Comedy.
00:55:08But like, you're right.
00:55:09It is like so talked about of like women in comedy and you're like, if you have to say,
00:55:14you know what I mean?
00:55:14Yeah.
00:55:14The fact that it's still a topic probably means it's not as awesome as it could be.
00:55:20Yeah.
00:55:21Yeah.
00:55:21We have to make everyone laugh again.
00:55:26Uh...
00:55:26Oh.
00:55:30How do you balance like marketing yourself and putting yourself out there and doing the
00:55:35business side of things while being funny and making the level of necessary like self-deprecation?
00:55:44I'm going to repeat it.
00:55:45Great.
00:55:46So it's something, I'm not going to say it as eloquently as you, but it's something like,
00:55:49how do you like brand yourself and like kind of market yourself while still like being a comedian
00:55:55and like being self-deprecating and is that generally...
00:55:59And now I like took you away from the real original question.
00:56:02No, no, no, no.
00:56:02It was good because then I got to think while it was repeated.
00:56:05Um, I, uh, luckily, I have, um, probably not as much as I should have.
00:56:11Uh, I mean, I am a pretty late bloomer.
00:56:14I'm old and, um, I, uh, I've never really thought about the marketing of myself.
00:56:21Um, and I, that's probably a good thing for people to do.
00:56:25I, I don't think that's a positive.
00:56:27I think it's important to kind of own your space and kind of announce yourself.
00:56:33I was never very good at that.
00:56:34Um, and just really focused more on the self-deprecation.
00:56:39Um, and I feel super lucky that I've, I've just, uh, like sitting here,
00:56:44thanks to everybody who's a part of this.
00:56:47Um, I, I really, I, more than I should probably just kind of hope
00:56:51that the kindness of strangers will kick in to that part of it.
00:56:55So, yeah.
00:56:56I would say too.
00:56:57I bet you would agree with this though.
00:56:59I think that there is a real thing with saying you like,
00:57:01also have to learn to say no to things is like the biggest way you sort of.
00:57:06Right?
00:57:06Yeah.
00:57:07Don't you think that's a big thing for like...
00:57:08That is a big thing.
00:57:09And it, that is like a moment that did feel like a big milestone.
00:57:13Although I still, I don't know, in the last like year or two and I've said no to a job,
00:57:18I'll like be on the phone with my agent doing like a final no.
00:57:22First I wring my hands about it for weeks.
00:57:24Yeah.
00:57:24Even if it's something real, like could pass.
00:57:26That's how I am about like tiny things.
00:57:28Yeah.
00:57:29And then I hang up and like, I'll just like retch into like a garbage belly.
00:57:35What did I just do?
00:57:36And it really, it's like not a big deal, but it's a very hard to say no.
00:57:41Yes.
00:57:41Cause I'm very, I don't know.
00:57:42I worry about money and stuff.
00:57:44Totally.
00:57:44Totally.
00:57:45Yeah.
00:57:45Like, and what if this is a thing that I need?
00:57:47But not even jobs, like everything.
00:57:48Like there's so much stuff I feel like once you're like successful or whatever,
00:57:54I'm not saying I am.
00:57:55But I just feel like there's like a lot of things you have to say no to to sort of
00:57:58like
00:57:59protect yourself.
00:58:00Yeah.
00:58:00While you still want to like be having fun and yeah, you know, stealing food and stuff.
00:58:07Yeah.
00:58:07That's yeah.
00:58:07You don't want to miss up, miss up on any free food.
00:58:11Don't want to miss up on any free food.
00:58:14Don't say no.
00:58:15Yeah.
00:58:15I think that's the real takeaway.
00:58:21Okay.
00:58:21One more.
00:58:25Ooh.
00:58:27Um, don't give spoilers.
00:58:28I can't.
00:58:29Yeah.
00:58:30You probably shouldn't.
00:58:31Um, yeah.
00:58:32I, uh, I have known, um, Jill Soloway, who's the very brilliant creator of that show, uh,
00:58:38for a long time.
00:58:39And, um, she was super sweet to have me come on board that show as, um, what's known as
00:58:45a consulting producer.
00:58:46And so I came in like three days a week and I worked on, uh, part of.
00:58:50What does a consulting producer do?
00:58:52Um, a lot of free food, a lot of free food.
00:58:56Um, in my mind you just stand and you go like, mm-hmm, I like a little more of that.
00:59:00That seems good.
00:59:02Jeffrey Tambor, you're figuring it out.
00:59:05You seem to have a handle on this.
00:59:07More of that.
00:59:11Um, yeah, but I think I, I would be like, um, I, yeah, I can't, I can't reveal any details.
00:59:16But really, but that, what, what, what is, consulting producer?
00:59:21Yeah.
00:59:21Um, uh, this is so boring.
00:59:23That's my biggest question.
00:59:24But in the, the Writers Guild Union, it's just, yeah, I used to wonder the same thing.
00:59:28I was like, who's that genius?
00:59:31Um, it's just like, uh, there are all of these, like, um, tiers of credits, um, that are part
00:59:39of like the Writers Guild system that are fairly meaningless in terms of how they sound.
00:59:43But it just has to do with how much free food you get.
00:59:46Because to me, it's like, yeah.
00:59:48I mean, literally.
00:59:48It's like the person at a fashion magazine who's like, in, out.
00:59:52Yeah.
00:59:52In, out.
00:59:54Swipe left.
00:59:55Yeah.
00:59:55Swipe right.
00:59:56But, okay, so it's a.
00:59:57It's just writing.
00:59:58It's writing.
00:59:58It's writing.
00:59:59Yeah.
00:59:59Great.
00:59:59Nibbling writing.
01:00:02A little snack, a little writing.
01:00:04Nosh.
01:00:04That is, I guess, my dream.
01:00:07Yeah.
01:00:07So, tambour, keep going.
01:00:09Is there more cheese?
01:00:11Yeah.
01:00:11Yeah.
01:00:12Um, well, great.
01:00:14Great.
01:00:15I think we all know what a consulting producer is.
01:00:16And thank you so much.
01:00:18You're a Scorpio.
01:00:20Very mysterious.
01:00:23Um, yeah.
01:00:25Thank you, Vanessa.
01:00:26Thank you, Jessie.
01:00:27Thank you, Julie.
01:00:29Thank you, Refinery29.
01:00:32And the internet.
01:00:34Yeah.
01:00:34And face.
01:00:35Yeah.
01:00:35Facebook.
01:00:38Facebook.
01:00:39Yeah.
01:00:39Right?
01:00:40Facebook.
01:00:40Yeah.
01:00:42So, I'll just say.
01:00:42You take it.
01:00:43Thank you so much.
01:00:44Um, that was awesome.
01:00:45Another round for Vanessa and Jessie.
01:00:48Yay!
01:00:48Yay!
01:00:49Um, so I just wanna say, Facebook Live, buy the book, and you can click the link, and then
01:00:55everybody here, it's for sale in the back, and Jessie will be signing, and we should all
01:00:59have some drinks and some music, and that's it.
01:01:02Thanks for coming.
01:01:03Yay!
01:01:04Get your free drinks and free food.
01:01:07Yay!
01:01:08Yay!
01:01:09That was fun.
01:01:10Yay.
01:01:12Yay!
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