00:00Summer is coming, and it's my favorite time of the year, except last summer I was diagnosed with herpes.
00:18See, one day I was chilling at the beach when I noticed my vagina wasn't acting like herself.
00:24I mean, we are tight. We've been together since day one, so I know when she's not acting right.
00:29I went downtown, checked it all out myself, but I couldn't really figure out what was up, so I decided
00:34I had to go to a doctor.
00:35Oh yeah, that's herpes. No, I totally looked at it.
00:38Herpes? Herpes. Herpes. Herpes. Herpes. Genital herpes. Herpes. Herpes. Herpe derpes.
00:45Your vagina already looked not as good as those cool porn star vaginas, and now it's gonna look jacked.
00:51Your parents don't even want to hang out with you anymore, and they really want to hang out.
00:55Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
00:59Your pussy's probably, like, really unattractive now.
01:02And then she holds up this big-ass mirror, and she's like,
01:04Have you seen one of these? It's like a really big mirror.
01:07Yeah, you can, like, totally get a good look down there.
01:08I say every girl should buy one.
01:11Yeah, it's a mirror. You can hold it.
01:12It's, like, not on a wall.
01:15Herpes is serious. Serious.
01:19At this point, obviously, I'm pretty sad. So she tries to cheer me up, like,
01:23Don't worry about it. Everybody has herpes. Do you?
01:26Oh, no. No, no, no. Not me.
01:28Just me. You're like, am I ever gonna have sex again?
01:31You know, usually I'm just looking in a mirror anyway, so I could probably hook up with you and not
01:35notice your herpes.
01:36But, uh, I don't know. I don't really like taking care of my dick, so I'm not gonna try it
01:42out.
01:42Mom! Mom, the kids are making fun of me again. They're calling me herpes face because he gave me herpes.
01:45Now I'm like this. I spent a whole week feeling like caca before I got a call from the doctor
01:51when she was all like,
01:52You don't have herpes? It was just an ugly vagina.
01:55I felt kind of relieved, but also I felt kind of annoyed because I went through all that trauma for
02:01nothing.
02:03Later.
02:06Hi, other person. You also don't have herpes.
02:09Turns out herpes misdiagnosis is actually pretty common, which I think is lame. I mean, what's up with that?
02:14Dr. Zubuda, tell me more.
02:21Thanks for being here, Dr. Zubuda.
02:23I'm happy to be here.
02:24People are always saying things like, everyone has herpes.
02:28When we talk about everybody having herpes, they're usually referring to type 1.
02:33Yeah, we're talking about about 15% of the population has herpes type 2.
02:37That's a lot of herpes. But you can't catch it from, like, the subway.
02:42No, no. It has to be direct skin contact in the genital region. That's why it's only an STD.
02:47You can't get it from a toilet seat. You can't get it from the subway. You can't get it from
02:51shaking hands.
02:52So why do you think herpes is misdiagnosed?
02:54It can be confused for other things. So syphilis rashes can look a little similar, or a yeast infection.
03:00The really classic test is the swab of the actual sore. You have to break it open. You have to
03:04get a little fluid from it.
03:05And then you send that to the lab.
03:07But I read it's way worse for women, like, more often.
03:11It's very true, actually. Basically because there's more of a mucosal membrane.
03:14Unfortunately, women have more of that exposed and have more severe symptoms because of that.
03:19When someone walks in and they have a penis, are you like, ah, this is going to be easy?
03:23And when someone walks in and they have a vagina, you're like, oh, God, trouble town.
03:27No, no, no, no.
03:28Is that what doctors call vaginas behind closed doors amongst each other?
03:33Trouble town.
03:33Trouble town.
03:35I get really frustrated because I feel like vaginas are just like, you know what, they're high-maintenance.
03:40And penises, they're just like, it doesn't matter what you do to them.
03:44Like, you can drag them out on the streets bare naked.
03:47Or you can put them in a microwave and they just like, survive.
03:50I feel like vaginas are just like, way too complicated.
03:54Like, no offense to whoever designed them.
03:56They're just poorly designed.
03:59Here on Report Card, we like to grade our topics.
04:04So we're not going to use regular A, B, C, D, F.
04:07We came up with our own grading system for herpes.
04:09A is, I'd go ham on that ass.
04:12B is, I can dig.
04:15C is, maybe cyber.
04:18D is, friend zone.
04:20And F is, I, D, F, W, U.
04:23I don't fuck with you.
04:24So I'm going to give you your own chalkboard.
04:27And you have this amount of time to make your decision.
04:38Herpes, herpes, herpes.
04:47And, I'm really sorry.
04:49I know you thought you were only going to be here for four hours, but it's turned into eight.
04:53Oh, man, it's going to get...
04:55Just don't get a yeast infection from sitting here too long.
04:56I already got it.
05:01You're not busy, right?
05:02It's okay, we all got long days tomorrow too, right?
05:04Yeah.
05:04I never all suffer with everybody else.
05:05What are you going to do tomorrow?
05:06Like, save a life?
05:10It's time.
05:11All right.
05:11Okay, cool.
05:13Well, I'd give it an A.
05:15Whoa!
05:15You chose an A?
05:16I did.
05:17You'd go ham on that ass.
05:18Well, I think it's important to remember most of the issues with herpes is a social stigma
05:23and lack of understanding.
05:26I 100% agree with you.
05:28And I want to change my answer because I chose I can dig.
05:32I chose B only because I didn't want to be like, I only want to do you if you got
05:36the sores.
05:38I think we had to go with A.
05:43A.
05:44A.
05:45A.
05:46A.
05:46This has been the best ever.
05:48Seriously.
05:49It does.
05:49It's like a therapy session about my vag.
05:51I think we've cured herpes.
05:53At least the stigma of it.
05:55And we're going to come back in the future as two happy dicks.
05:58With or without herpes.
06:00Well.
06:01We can break through.
06:12For more topics, check it out.
06:14We have a bunch more about witches, about daddy issues, about dating and social media.
06:21I mean, we're covering everything.
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