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Comedian Jacqueline Novak is joined by her father in a discussion of her own experience with mental health.

ABOUT SERIES
How To Weep In Public is hosted by comedian Jacqueline Novak, author of How to Weep in Public, Feeble Offerings on Depression From One Who Knows, for a chat about being a depresso. These friends engage in a frank, non-precious, laugh out loud funny exploration of feelings.

ABOUT RIOT
RIOT is Refinery29's new comedy destination delivering fearlessly funny series. We cover taboo topics ranging from race to class, depression to anxiety, pop culture to social justice — we're laughing with you!

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Transcript
00:00Hi, Dad. Hi, Jacqueline. Thanks for coming. Great to be here.
00:20You know, I kind of see the journey as I was a sensitive, you know, child like many. And, you
00:27know,
00:27through all these like self-help and psychology kind of stuff, I mean, I was like a Tony Robbins
00:32like expert, trying to tell all my friends, you know, about like breaking the four legs out under
00:38the table of a limiting belief, literally. And like, just like, I was also really disgusted by how,
00:43like, or just like really thought it was shocking the way like people around me in like eighth grade,
00:47like, like just like thought that their mood was determined by their circumstances. You know what
00:52I mean? Like I was like, God, like what fools? You know, then I, then when I started experiencing,
00:56you know, the depression, I was very confused because I was like, I'm obviously doing something
01:02wrong. I'm thinking, you know, I'm not thinking the right way. You know, I tend to be optimistic
01:06about things. And I think you do too. I mean, that's the thing with depression. People always
01:10say, well, what could be wrong? Everything's good in your life. Well, it doesn't work that way.
01:14Everything can be good in your life and you're still depressed because it, it has, it's on its own
01:18level, on its own plane. And so I was always thinking, what's the next step? What, what do we do
01:25now given the situation? So I was always looking to the next move. Like a big thing
01:30when I was nervous was like, you would encourage me to like, go into like a wild,
01:34like skip and then jump up in the air and say, do you remember? Thank God my feet don't stink
01:39today.
01:39That comes straight out of Tony. And it's so hysterical. There's no way you can stand in
01:44bad mood and, and, and do that. Jump up in the air, kick your, you know, kick your heels
01:47together, pump your fist and say, thank God my feet don't stink today.
01:55Do you, um, see a difference in me from where I was?
02:04Yes. Um, absolutely.
02:06I mean, you must because I no longer live with you.
02:08Right.
02:08That's the step. I remember one time mom being like, I always feel embarrassed about this
02:11moment because it's so like dramatic, you know, like I remember one time mom coming in while I
02:18was doing one of my Kundalini yoga videos. And it's a point where you're doing these mantras
02:23and these breath and it's like, you know, something about like working out your deepest pain or like
02:29however horrible your situation is right now, whatever it is you're doing it. And then like mom
02:34said something like, what is, what is your suffering or something? Or like, you know, like, what is,
02:38what is your, what is your pain or something? And I was like, what isn't? I was like, what?
02:44And I was referring to literally like, I'm 26. Like, you know, like 26 and I'm in your debt.
02:52Like, like, and I'm a star. Okay.
02:57You know, it's funny. There's a, it's, it's a cultural thing when you're a parent and you have
03:01kids and you talk to the other parents and, and particularly when they're, that you, and you hear
03:07this, that I just want my kid to be happy. Oh my God. Okay. And that's one of the most
03:11lamest
03:11things anybody could say. I agree. And, and you hear it all the time. I don't care how much money,
03:17as long as they're happy, as long as they're happy. How dare they say that? No, no. And it's
03:21such a limiting concept. I mean, if you study psychology or study philosophy or something,
03:26um, you know that, you know, first there's this sort of abstract concept of happiness. Okay. I know what
03:33that means. But then in order to understand what even that means, you have to think of
03:37something that's unhappy. You have to go to, you have to negate that. Right. You have to think of
03:41sad things in your life or sad things that exist or whatever. Other people. Okay. And then to
03:46achieve true happiness, then concrete happiness, you have to surpass that. Triumph? Yeah. You have to
03:53triumph over that. Right. So there's no, there's no pure happiness without pure sadness. Right. I mean,
03:59you know, Jung talked about this. Yeah. Philosophers have talked about it. So to say, what do you,
04:05what do you want your children to do? You want them to be, to sit there and, and, and take
04:10drugs
04:11or something or drink and be fat dumb and happy? Yeah. I mean, no, it's not. Yeah. Yeah. So these
04:17parents are saying this, they don't know what they're talking about. It's a meaningless thing. Yeah. It's
04:21an annoying thing that they think they're, they think, you know, they think they're being generous. Okay. Okay.
04:26He doesn't need to be a doctor. He doesn't need to be a, right. As long as he's happy. And
04:32it's like,
04:33it's not, it's not a worthy goal to have for your children. You want them to, you want them to
04:37go
04:37beyond what they're, what they're, what's, what the given. And not to arrive at a, at a, at a then
04:43permanent bliss. It's not like, it's not like you want them to be, have struggles so that they can
04:48then arrive at, you know, pinched happiness. No, you don't want to create the struggles, but
04:52everybody, everybody in life has struggles. They just, I mean, if they, if they don't admit
04:57to that, at least to themselves, they probably should go to a shrink or something because
05:00that's everybody, you know, has got the cross to bear in some way or another, everybody. And
05:05to go, to go beyond that is, is that's where the, I think the true happiness is.
05:16Hi, I'm Greg Novak. I'm Jacqueline Novak's dad. And this is how to weep in public.
05:21Please watch the other episodes. They're there for you. Goodbye.
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