- 10 hours ago
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00:00No, Kel. I'm looking for the dress today.
00:04No way, Jose. It's bad luck.
00:07No, Kim's coming with me. Yes, she's still here, Kel.
00:13Oh, I don't know why she won't go back.
00:15There's more going on than we realise, though.
00:19Yeah, she's driving me mad, eating me out of house and home. I'm going to have to say something.
00:24Yes, I'll be nice. No, I will.
00:27Okay. Ta-da, doll. Bye.
00:30Kimmy. Kimmy. Kimmy. Look at me, please. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me.
00:35Now, I've got one word to say to you, Kim. Go back to Brett Toots Week.
00:39Get real. You'll never do any better. Hi, Mrs Dee. Hi, Kimmy.
00:43Hi, Sharon. I can't believe what I'm hearing, Mum. Where has this come from?
00:48Kim, you've been sitting on my fatigue for nine or three weeks now.
00:51Oh, Kimmy, you've done your teeth hair, is this? Well, she is my best friend, Sharon.
00:55Oh, it's Kel, isn't it? I knew he didn't like me.
00:58No. Now, you know that's not true. You know Kel thinks you are the bee's knees, Kim.
01:02When is it, Kim? This Saturday night. I'm not doing anything this Saturday night.
01:06Well, I've told Brett I can't go back at the moment. I've told him I am not living with that
01:09bloody dog.
01:10Oh, poor little Cujo. She's a 75 kilo rotting mum. You don't know what it's like over there. It's like
01:17that movie Single Light Femur.
01:19Oh, I love that film. Cujo thinks she's me. She sits on my side of the bed. She growls at
01:24bread. She drinks out of the toilet bowl.
01:26Oh, Kim. Next thing you know, she'll be smoking pine lights and shopping at Fountain Gate.
01:30I think you'd better cut down on those diet pills. Those laxatives are messing with your head.
01:36Kim, I'll tell you something for nothing. You may eat like a pig, but you're certainly not a dog.
01:42Well, if I'm not a dog, how come I've got a bitch for a mother?
01:46I heard that.
01:48Brett took me so for granted. I was just a boring old housewife, wasn't I?
01:52I mean, maybe if he had treated me half as nice as he treats Cujo, I would have stayed.
01:56Have you ready?
01:57He treats that dog like a bloody princess. Cujo, what do you want for tea?
02:01Cujo, do you want to go for a walk? Cujo, do you want to have a bath now?
02:05I mean, did Brett ever stop to think that maybe I would like to have been given a bath?
02:15Come in if you're good looking.
02:17Oh, I like what I see.
02:19That was my foxy fiancé today. Gorgeous still.
02:23Listen, I'm going to hightail it down to the supermarket. Do you want anything?
02:26Yeah, sit here and we'll make a lift. G'day, Kim.
02:28Mum, where's the Disney fix?
02:30Hidden. Cal and I like to have one after two of the night time and the packet's always empty.
02:35Anyway, Brett wouldn't want you eating, no? No, it saves us a bloody Cujo.
02:39Do you need any more of that canned tuna switch?
02:41Yeah, I do.
02:43Kim, what is going to get you back with Brett?
02:46Because from where Cal and I are sitting, you are clutching at spanners at the moment.
02:51One minute Brett's the spanner. The next Cujo's the spanner. Who's going to be the next spanner?
02:55I don't know, Mum. I'm confused.
02:58How are you off the took paper?
02:59I don't know, actually. I've got to go, so I'll check.
03:05You're not your normal cheery self, are you, Kim?
03:08Is there anything I can do to help?
03:09No.
03:12Actually, if you know where the gift you fix, I could get me one, please.
03:16Alright, but don't tell your mum. Just turn around for a second.
03:30Okay.
03:32Look at the time, Kim. I've got my bridal fitting down at Fountain Gate. You go and get ready.
03:39I hate my hair. Maybe I'll get Tina to cut it all off at her hair instead, but yeah, you
03:44could get it layered and nice feathering on the end.
03:47And I want it all off. Really short. Short?
03:51Hey, Kim, not your crowning glory.
03:53Guys like long hair on a lady, especially when it's on her head.
03:57I don't care what guys like at this late stage.
04:08No.
04:15No.
04:16No.
04:18Pull it out more.
04:21Yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:25No.
04:29Oh, mum.
04:31That's it.
04:32Oh, that's so nice.
04:34Oh, mum, they're both people looking so cute.
04:37Yeah, I think Kel's going to cream his jeans when he sees me in there.
04:41We have to worry about what Kel wants.
04:42Why does it always have to be about what the guy wants?
04:45What do you want, mum?
04:46Geez, Jermaine, calm down.
04:48Now, what do you reckon?
04:49Kim, the hook?
04:50Or the crook?
04:51Mum, I just had an idea.
04:53You could have little sheep as attendants.
04:55Oh, Kim.
04:56Yes.
04:56A little boy and a little girl sheep dressed up in a bib and brace in a fairy costume with
05:00jiffies.
05:00Yeah, later at the reception we could put them both on the spit roast.
05:03Good thinking.
05:04That would save us the mula.
05:06And that could be the theme of your wedding.
05:07Mutton dressed as lamb.
05:13No, thank you, Kim, for today.
05:16Your ideas, Re-Michael Newville, is much appreciated.
05:19Especially if you're going through your own couple of times to threaten too, Joan.
05:22Not to threat them.
05:24What is it, Kim?
05:26Come on, you can tell me.
05:27I won't judge you.
05:28I think maybe now.
05:29I don't know.
05:30Maybe marriage isn't for me.
05:31Oh, don't be stupid, Kim.
05:33Of course marriage is for you.
05:34It's the normal thing to do.
05:35Maybe I want to be different.
05:37Explore things.
05:38Don't go all weird on me, Kim.
05:40That is classic mum.
05:41She thinks she's so open-minded and so out there.
05:45But she's so not.
05:47Whereas I am willing to try new things.
05:50I've even bloody dained to have a get-to-know session with Cujo.
05:53Brett's idea.
05:58She doesn't like me, Brett.
05:59I told you.
06:00She can smell your fear.
06:02Bah, bah.
06:02Down, Cujo.
06:04Down.
06:05Not down, bah.
06:06You've got to say bah.
06:07The command is bah.
06:08Bah, bloody bah.
06:09Stay, stay.
06:11Watch this.
06:12We've got to get the ball.
06:13Go.
06:14Are you clever?
06:16Yeah, I could do that.
06:19When are you coming home, Kim?
06:22I need you.
06:27Don't know how to use the washing machine.
06:29Oh, right.
06:30Oh, that's all I am for you, a slave, isn't it?
06:32Well, I don't know how to use the washing machine either, Brett.
06:35Keep it on going.
06:36Stay, Kim.
06:38Stay.
06:39Stay.
06:39Stay.
06:41Ow.
06:42What?
06:43Sorry, I meant Cujo.
06:45Kim.
06:53Oh, how's Brett?
06:55Still got one thing on his mind.
06:56Oh, that sounds promising.
06:58Cujo Mum, his dog.
07:00Bloody men, I'm over them.
07:02There you go, mate.
07:04Very butchier there, Kim.
07:06Hi, Mrs. D.
07:07Hi, Mrs. D.
07:08Hi, Sharon.
07:09You're nice.
07:10What's all this?
07:11Oh, I've taken up golf, Mrs. D.
07:13Oh, really?
07:14Yeah.
07:15Me and the girls are going to go down the peninsula next month playing a tournament.
07:18Which girls?
07:18Oh, you know, KD, Ellen, Martina, just the usual game.
07:21Maybe I could try a golf.
07:23Oh, yes, Kimmy, you'd be great.
07:25Oh, you'd be a natural.
07:27You could play with us.
07:28The girls would love it.
07:29You'd sit right in.
07:30No, I don't think so, Kim.
07:31Why not?
07:32Well, no offence, Sharon, but I'm not that mad on the gear.
07:35I'm not very feminine.
07:36It's sport, Mum.
07:37It's not meant to be feminine.
07:38I reckon I'll be good at this.
07:39Which way do you swing?
07:41Oh, either way's fine.
07:42Yeah?
07:42Can you show me?
07:43Yeah, sure.
07:44Alrighty.
07:45You just, alright?
07:46You kind of get your hips like that.
07:47Oh, that feels good.
07:48I like that, Sharon.
07:49Oh, why don't you come down the driving range in there tomorrow?
07:52We could back a few more.
07:53Hey, Sharon, there are no guys, though.
07:55Oh, no, no, no, no.
07:56Guy for his own.
07:57Tell me again.
07:58Yep, yep.
07:59Just you, me, KD, Ellen, Martina.
08:02That's the way we like it.
08:04Oh, why don't we tell?
08:06Yeah, I need to get out of the house.
08:08That'd be nice.
08:09I'll be ready.
08:10Bye.
08:17Well, if I am so attractive, Kim, how come I can't get a guy?
08:21I don't know.
08:23Well, I'm going to do something about it.
08:25Did you see current affairs the other night?
08:27They had a thing on speed dating.
08:28It looks fantastic.
08:29No?
08:30Sounds stupid.
08:31No, Kim, it's great.
08:32Don't forget the boot.
08:33You have six girls and six guys, and you talk for six minutes,
08:37and then the guys decide which ones they want to marry.
08:39I reckon I'm definitely going to give it a go.
08:41What, you're going to talk to six guys?
08:43Maybe I'll come.
08:44Kim, you can't.
08:45You're already married.
08:46Well, maybe that's my problem, Sharon.
08:48Maybe I got married too young.
08:50Maybe I didn't have enough chance to sow my rolled oats enough.
08:52I don't think that's true, Kim.
08:54No.
08:55No, it'll be fun having guys swarming all over me again.
08:58Brett takes me for granted.
08:59He's got to realise just exactly what he married.
09:02I think he already does, Kim.
09:03God, I'm starving.
09:05Hippity-bitch.
09:07It's weird, do you?
09:08I love the idea.
09:10Quick, come here.
09:11What?
09:11I need you.
09:12What are you doing?
09:14Help me get this off quick before mum comes.
09:26This pino is excellent.
09:28Hmm?
09:30You're very quiet today, lovely lady.
09:31Plenty for your thoughts.
09:33Oh, no, I'm just enjoying my curly.
09:34No, there's something going on in that pretty little hair of yours that you're not telling me.
09:39Oh, Kel, you're right.
09:41You can read me like a book.
09:42Good afternoon.
09:44I can't keep it in.
09:46What is it?
09:46What's happened?
09:48It's Kim.
09:49All is revealed, Kel.
09:51We now know why she won't go back to Brett.
09:55Kel, Kim is a homosexual.
09:58Is that all?
09:59I thought it was something serious.
10:01Don't worry about it, say she's the gate of Orsi.
10:03Don't make a joke of it, Kel.
10:05Come on, we've all been there, done that.
10:08Well, I certainly haven't, and you haven't.
10:11Kath, I was in the Navy for six years.
10:13So it's probably just a stage she's going through.
10:15Come on, finish the meal and we'll order some dessert.
10:17Looks very nice.
10:19No.
10:20I think I need to be alone, Kel.
10:22I'll take a day with that if you don't mind.
10:24Yeah.
10:24You can get a lift back on the bus with those Rotarians.
10:27Kath, what are you doing?
10:28Kath?
10:30Kath?
10:33Kimmy, can I read these?
10:36Yeah.
10:37Does Brittany know you're going speed dating?
10:40Yep.
10:40Tell them all about it.
10:42Are you jealous?
10:43Green.
10:44It's grapeable.
10:45It's fantastic.
10:48Don't tell Mum, though.
10:49She wouldn't understand.
10:53Here, can you strap this on?
10:56Ow!
10:59Oh, that is great.
11:01That is great.
11:02Let's do it.
11:05Call me old-fashioned, but what they're doing up there is illegal, isn't it?
11:09Well, I'm sure the bill's before Parliament.
11:12If it isn't, it bloody well should be.
11:16Oh, hi Mum.
11:18Bye Mum.
11:19Oh, are you two going out?
11:21Yeah, yeah.
11:22We're just going out.
11:22Just the two of us.
11:23To have a quiet drink.
11:25Yeah, just the two of us.
11:26All right.
11:26Well, hope you enjoy yourselves doing whatever it is you do.
11:30Don't mind me.
11:31I'll just be here on my own being normal, having a nice normal type of night.
11:35Whatever.
11:37Where's Kel?
11:38I wouldn't know, Sharon.
11:40Kel and I have some issues at the moment.
11:42Nuff said.
11:43You know what I reckon?
11:45I reckon you should come out.
11:47I don't think so, Sharon.
11:50Okay, a bit of juice, please.
11:52A bit of juice, please.
11:53That's right.
11:54I know.
11:54It's very exciting.
11:56Okay, girls.
11:56How are you all going tonight?
11:59A bit of juice, please.
12:01Come on, girls.
12:02Come on, girls.
12:02Come on.
12:03Now, ladies.
12:04You've got six minutes.
12:05All right?
12:06Your time starts now.
12:11Hi.
12:12My name's Lynn.
12:13My name's Sharon.
12:14I love sport of every kind, especially netball and indoor cricket.
12:16I hate guys for up.
12:18Where are you guys?
12:18I'm a bit injury prone, having fractured my fibula five times.
12:22I hate girls for up themselves.
12:23I've also had a shoulder reconstruction and I've got to survive.
12:26I hate anyone getting up my dope.
12:27I've got to be a motivational speaker.
12:29I'm a bit desperately lonely.
12:31I'm a bit desperately lonely.
12:35There we go.
12:38Thanks for that.
12:40Okay.
12:40There we are.
12:41See you later.
12:51Hi, Cap.
12:53You see this guy?
12:54This guy is so into you.
12:58Well, that might be as such, Kel, but you see this lady?
13:02Well, this lady is one confused tramp at the moment.
13:05What is it, Cap?
13:06What's wrong?
13:07Oh, I don't know.
13:09I've shocked you with my semen's revelations, haven't I?
13:11Oh, I'm sorry.
13:12I just think I'm going mad.
13:14I mean, what you did in your past is your business, I suppose.
13:18Let me prove to you that I'm a real man.
13:20Right here, right now, on the shag.
13:22Just let me put these arm-willies in some water.
13:25They're very thirsty.
13:26Oh.
13:37Stunning.
13:38Right.
13:39Where was I, Foxy Mama?
13:41No, Kel.
13:43I can't do this right now.
13:44I just...
13:45I need time to think.
13:47I shouldn't have told you.
13:48I've sown the seeds of doubt, haven't I?
13:51I don't know, but something's changed.
13:53No.
13:53Nothing has changed.
13:54Keep Saturday night free,
13:56because after that there will be no doubt that I,
13:59Kel Graham Knight, am all the man you need.
14:03Now, what do I do with my man bag?
14:05I don't know.
14:05Oh, there it is.
14:13A hard guess because to the batsman,
14:16as the ball spins towards him,
14:18you can see the seam of the ball.
14:19It looks exactly like it's going to be a leaf break,
14:22but in fact, it is a flipper.
14:24Now, the secret that...
14:25Thanks, David.
14:26Thanks, mate.
14:27The secret to wanting flipper
14:28is the way that it, like,
14:31comes out of his hand like that.
14:33Flips it.
14:34Yeah.
14:34How do you know all this stuff?
14:36Oh, anything you want to know about cricket,
14:38I'm the woman.
14:39I can tell you, because I...
14:40I love that game.
14:41Okay, fellas.
14:43Check this out.
14:44Oh!
14:45Oh!
14:47Oh!
14:48Oh!
14:50Oh!
14:51Oh!
14:55Oh!
15:10Hey!
15:11Sheriff!
15:12Coming!
15:20Oh, hello!
15:24Another 10-Booker, please.
15:28Has the world gone mad?
15:30Or have I?
15:31I need to get out and go inside myself
15:33To search my chasms for meanings
16:07No, don't tell me I know this
16:09AB, Adam Gilchrist, Poppy Taylor
16:15They're all left-handed
16:16That's it
16:18That's incredible
16:19Oh, yeah
16:20Gee, Sharon
16:21You know, I'd really like to see a bit more of you sometime
16:25You mean, like, because it's a friend
16:27Well, I was thinking maybe something more than that
16:32Oh, rightio
16:33I mean, I'd have to check the netball fix
16:36What about tomorrow night?
16:37Tell me, do you like bush bands?
16:40Can't get enough of them, really
16:41I'm fiddling down at Molly Bloom's
16:43So, yeah, maybe we can get together afterwards
16:45And go for a scrumpy something
16:47Oh, a scrumpy? I love that
17:01Brent
17:02Mate
17:04I need you to pick me up
17:06Now
17:34I need you to pick me up
17:37Now
17:50Oh, you are so beautiful
17:54So pretty
17:57You love your Breddy, don't you?
17:59Breddy
18:00It's all right, Cujo
18:01It's all right
18:02Cujo, get down
18:04Get down
18:05Let's command his bar, remember?
18:06Oh, bar, ugger off, Cujo
18:09Bred
18:10Don't talk to her like that, Kim
18:11Well, don't talk to me like that
18:13I'm telling you, Brett
18:14Either that dog goes or our marriage is over
18:16Get it straight from the horse's arse
18:18Over
18:20Ow, Cujo
18:21You're just playing, Kim
18:22Relax
18:26What have you done?
18:28Look at her ear
18:30Poor Cujo
18:31You bloody bully, Kim
18:33It was self-defence
18:35She was going to kill me
18:36Just go
18:37I've seen a sidekick that I've never seen before
18:39Mean and selfish
18:41That's not the Kim I know
18:42Brett, I said I was sorry
18:44No, you didn't
18:46Just go, please
18:52Oh, is that right?
18:53Well, maybe if I didn't wax for six months
18:55And got down on all fours
18:56Would you like that?
19:00So you're giving up waxing, Kim?
19:03Oh, good
19:04No, a bit of unsightly body here
19:07Nothing wrong with that
19:08Your people don't worry about those sort of things, do they?
19:11What are you talking about my people?
19:13Come on, Kim
19:13I didn't come down in the last shower
19:16I just want to make a speech here
19:19I now know that you've thrown your handbag in the river
19:22And I want to say I'm okay with that
19:27No, Kim
19:28I know you're a friend of Gertrude
19:30What are you talking about, Mum?
19:33I've done the research, Kim
19:34You do the math
19:36You're a homosexual
19:38No, I'm not
19:39It's all right, you're in denial
19:41That's perfectly understandable
19:42You know, we all have the potential
19:44Face backs, Kim
19:47You're a Dutch seawall
19:49What?
19:50A dyke
19:51On a bike
19:53If you like
19:54Mum, I'm not gay
19:58You're not gay?
19:59I'm not gay
20:00You sure?
20:02I'm sure
20:06I was rather looking forward to being on the supportive peer
20:08And so to Mardi Gras
20:10Looks like a hoot
20:12Oh, well, if you weren't being gay last night, where were you?
20:15I was with Brett, if you must know
20:17Oh, really?
20:19What, you're back together?
20:20You're back to normal?
20:21No
20:21I may as well be gay for all the attention Brett gives me
20:24When that bloody dog's around
20:26I'll tell you something for nothing, Mum
20:27Brett and Kujo
20:28That's not normal
20:30Hi, Mrs. D
20:32Kim
20:33Oh, is that your hive flaring up again, Sharon?
20:35Oh, no, Mrs. D
20:36It's not the hive
20:37No, that's not hive
20:38I'll tell you what that is
20:40That's pash rash
20:41So
20:42Finally cracked onto some desperado, didn't he?
20:45Oh, Sharon, that's great
20:47Who is he?
20:48What does he do?
20:49What's the bod like, more importantly?
20:51Well, his name's Mark
20:52And he plays in a bush band
20:53And he's really into indoor cricket
20:54Oh, he sounds lovely
20:56So you going to see him again?
20:57Yeah, yeah, tonight
20:58Yeah, I'm getting a new dress
20:59And my hair blow away
21:00Yes, bit of makeup
21:01Yeah, I really like him
21:03What about Tina's hair is different?
21:05You're my date
21:06No, Kim, you never asked me
21:08That can't be the point, Sharon
21:09Well, why isn't Brett taking you to Tina's hair is different?
21:12Oh, because he's worried Kujo's ears are going to go septic
21:14He won't go out
21:15I'm not going to go on my own
21:17What would that look like?
21:18Well, Kim, you can't stay here
21:21Kel's coming over tonight
21:22We've got a tour
21:23We have issues
21:26Mum's got Kel
21:28You're going out
21:30It's not fair
21:31Oh, jeez, Kim, are you alright?
21:34No, but you please
21:34That's not true, Kim
21:36I care
21:39Do you, Sharon?
21:50Much appreciated
21:51You're coming tonight, Brett
21:54I don't think we're going back together
21:55Don't push it
21:56I'm not going back to Brett at this stage
21:59I'm really discovering who I am
22:01And I like what I'm finding
22:03I'm finding I'm a very strong person
22:05Very independent
22:07And as such
22:08I'll be staying at my mum's for the moment
22:17Should have left her at home
22:18She'll be stressing out
22:19She's a bloody dog, Brett
22:20She'll be fine
22:23Oh, unbelievable
22:24Unbelievable
22:26Do you mind if we just watch it again
22:28Just because the semi-final
22:29Between Australia and New Zealand
22:30Is considered to be a classic
22:31In netball history
22:33Alrighty, well, while it's rewinding
22:34How's that
22:35Some footy friends
22:36That's a tea maria, eh?
22:39No matter how many times
22:40I see that game
22:40It gets me every time
22:42Weee
22:48Weee
22:51Oh, my God
22:53Kel, you look gorgeous
22:56The perm, the leather pants
22:59The gold medallion
23:00You look just like Chris Christopherson
23:02In A Star Is Born
23:04And this
23:05Is for you
23:11Oh, Kel
23:13Barbara Streisand
23:14Yep
23:15I'm a big Streisand fan
23:16Really?
23:17Oh, what a nong I am
23:19To think that you were gay
23:20When you were a big Barbara Streisand fan
23:23Oh, Kel
23:25I can hear you
23:27Something special
23:31There is
23:32I realise now
23:34That the time my fiancé had in the Navy
23:36Has made him the wonderful lover he is
23:40Kel has helped me to find the nooks
23:42And the unexplored crannies
23:43I never knew I had
23:44And I have to say
23:45I don't think I've ever seen you look so damn attractive
23:50Bottom is up
23:57No, it's interesting, Tim
23:59Because I find sexuality is a fluid thing
24:00Well, put your fluids to yourself, please
24:02I have found this week
24:04That I've had more than just my eyes opened
24:06My mind as well
24:08You know, I could be bi
24:09I think you'd know if you were bi by now
24:11Kel has been tapping into something that's lurking in me
24:14Oh, too much information, Mum
24:16She's gay
24:18She's gay
24:18Yeah
24:19He's gay
24:20Oh, he's not gay
24:22He's married
24:22Oh, I think that means diddly these days, Tim
24:25Kel and John
24:26He is gay
24:27Oh, no way, Jose
24:29He's not gay
24:30I don't want to act
24:31Really?
24:32Oh, yes, absolutely
24:32Play, play, play