- 2 days ago
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00:00Yes, a marquee for 500 guests.
00:04Actually, you'd better make it 1,000.
00:06Look at all.
00:07Oh, it is. Good girl.
00:09Kim, can you tell us the phone's leave? I need to call her a bit.
00:12I'm on help with the party planners.
00:14I'm just getting some prices for Epony's birthday party.
00:16Party planners? You're not a bit O.P.T.
00:19Yes, Mum. She's turning the big O.1.
00:22Oh, Kim, she'd be happy with a little bit of sauce on her saddle all four, little bugger.
00:26Was that all you did for me, was it?
00:27Oh, no, we couldn't have a party for you, Kim.
00:29You're a biter.
00:30We all lived in fear.
00:31Well, Epony's a popular at creche, so she's having a party.
00:35Listen to what P. Diddley did with the twins.
00:37He had a gangster rap scene and all the babies packed pieces in their diapers.
00:42We say diapers, Kim. We're not American.
00:45I wish we were. We had so much fun there.
00:47Oh, she's a gal.
00:49One idea I had was taking them to gold class and then to Intensity to play video games,
00:53but I don't think that's going to work because most of them can't use their disposable funds yet.
00:59Well, would you have a scene party, Kim?
01:01Like, you know, what's Ep's favourite TV show at the moment?
01:04Stunfold Squarepants or High Five?
01:06Oh, no, no, no. She's into Desperate Housewives now.
01:08Oh, snap. Good girl, Ep.
01:10Well, we could do something here.
01:12I could come as Terriacher because I am a bit like the Terriacher of Lagoon Court.
01:15Yes, but I could be Marsha Cross.
01:17We've got the Cross bit, right?
01:19Yeah.
01:19And Sharon can be Felicity Halfman.
01:21Ebony, do you want to be Eva Longoria for your birthday party?
01:26No, doesn't like the idea.
01:28No.
01:28But what about just a celebrity party?
01:30You know, the babies could choose which celebrities they want to go at.
01:33Oh, yes, and we could all go as couples.
01:36You know, like, I could go as...
01:37Who could I go as?
01:38Oh, no, see you're over to New Jessica Road.
01:40They're everywhere at the moment.
01:41Who?
01:42Oh, found my company off.
01:44Oh, look.
01:45I need...
01:45Thank you, Kim.
01:51Hello.
01:51Yes, Osnitz.
01:52Yes, it's Cat Day Night here.
01:53I'm listening up about a pumpkin shrug that I had on order.
02:04Oh, you look nice, Kel.
02:06Where are you off to?
02:06Oh, thanks, Sharon.
02:07It's the Fountain Gate Retailers Award site, yeah.
02:11Oh, that's right.
02:12And you're up for the big one, aren't you?
02:13Retailer of the Year Award.
02:15Yes.
02:15I reckon you'll win, Kel.
02:17Oh, no, Sharon.
02:18I won't win, gee.
02:19I'm up against the tie rack.
02:20Petra Hair Care.
02:21Not a hope in hell.
02:23It's time to go, though.
02:23But you can't take these things too seriously.
02:26Come on, Kel.
02:26I don't want to be late.
02:27Yeah, come here.
02:28Oh, well.
02:30You look stunning, Kel.
02:31Not too much?
02:32How's my make-up?
02:33Lose a shrug?
02:33What do you think?
02:34Stop your fucking look fine.
02:35Come on.
02:35Well, I don't know, do I, Kel.
02:37If you win, there'll be photographers and paparazzi.
02:39I might get pets.
02:40Oh, what do you like?
02:41Well, you don't know.
02:47Oh, God.
02:48The thousand gay retailers, there wasn't me.
02:50Could it get any more credit?
02:52Well, I know, Trude, but it's work.
02:53We've got to do it.
02:54I know.
02:55It's just I'm tired.
02:56I've been up too many nights this week.
02:59I don't know how you do it, Trude.
03:00Well, I can't say no.
03:02It's tomorrow.
03:03Friday night was dinner with the girls from Curve.
03:05Saturday was year five trivia night at school.
03:07And last night was the Timber Top Reunion, which was, you know, great.
03:11But, like...
03:12Yeah, I know.
03:13Well, Adrian and I had the Beyond Blue, too.
03:15Oh, the depressed organiser.
03:17Yeah.
03:18Well, it was for the depressed.
03:19But, God, it was fun.
03:21You know, Ziggy Tong, yeah, he was there.
03:23Oh, the beautiful violin.
03:24Oh, such a person.
03:25Yes, and, you know, I had a very cakey, I must admit.
03:29I just thought, look, hello.
03:30I'm going to go and talk to you.
03:32Yeah?
03:32But he was on his own.
03:33Oh, God, you're gorgeous.
03:34Yeah.
03:34Was he gorgeous?
03:35No, it was frosty as hell.
03:36But, you know, I don't know anyone here.
03:39Well, it's Daryl.
03:40Daryl, come here, guys.
03:42Hello.
03:43Hello, girl.
03:44Hey, Daryl.
03:45You look funny.
03:46I've been thinking with this young before.
03:47You look just like Jane Crawford and Mildred Pierce.
03:49Oh, who do I look like?
03:51Who do I look like?
03:52I'll go back to you.
03:53You girls up for anything?
03:55No.
03:55What about you?
03:56That shop window, again.
03:59Oh, excuse me.
04:01Hi, over here.
04:02Oh, what have you got?
04:03Oh, me, you've got two feet.
04:05I'm so overloaded.
04:06Me, too.
04:07No, thanks, anyway.
04:09Oh, my God, true.
04:10Don't look now, don't look now.
04:11But over there is 80s.
04:12Oh, she's dressed for the man.
04:15Oh, she's funny.
04:16What's he going on?
04:17Oh, my God, what's he going on?
04:18Oh, my God.
04:18I didn't know she was with Kel's neck.
04:21My giddy gator.
04:22The one with the man bag.
04:23Oh, poor the fever eyes for the one.
04:24Oh, John, she's dreadful, you're dreadful.
04:27What includes in the meal, Kel?
04:29I say so.
04:32I feel a bit overdressed, actually.
04:34Oh, Kat, no one holds a candle to you, sweet.
04:37Oh, they better not.
04:38This has got a high-fire danger label on it.
04:42Oh, look, this is a new thing, Kel.
04:44Goat's cheese.
04:46Thank you, Soberhand.
05:06What's wrong with the man, Kitty?
05:08I just got wind.
05:09Oh, me too.
05:10No, I just got wind that Mona is having a party for Whiny Briny on the same day at the
05:15same time as Eppony.
05:17Oh, really, Kim?
05:18I just bumped into one of the Kreshmans at 7-Eleven.
05:21And get this, Mona is getting a petting zoo for Whiny Briny and jet ski rides for all the
05:26mum and dad.
05:26Oh, she's such a bi-art.
05:28I like Mona.
05:29Not Mona, Whiny Briny.
05:31So manipulative.
05:32She just gets whatever she wants.
05:34That's familiar.
05:36Hello?
05:38Yes?
05:39Oh, we'll get stuck then.
05:42Who is that?
05:43Bree's not coming.
05:45Her mother thinks it's inappropriate for a one-year-old to have a celebrity party, and
05:49she doesn't even know who Misha Barton is.
05:51I mean, does the woman not read?
05:53It's going to be a bloody disaster.
05:55What other celebrities have we already got coming to here?
05:58Well, we've got Nicole Ritchie, Natalie Basing-Swade, Bono and Bob Geldof.
06:05Well, they're all fun.
06:06Sounds like quite a good crowd.
06:08Quite good is crap, Brett.
06:11If Eppony's party doesn't blow everyone out of the water, she's going to grow up like
06:15me, with no self-esteem.
06:18Poor Kimmy.
06:20Can't you just change the date?
06:21No way.
06:22We're going to fight this.
06:25And win.
06:27Sharon, get balloon blowing.
06:30Now!
06:36I have to come as through City Huffman.
06:45Finn, Mona, Mum, Crystal, all you kids at the Peel, you're beautiful.
06:49Congratulations.
06:50No, I haven't finished yet.
06:51No, thanks, Lee.
06:51And to all the naysayers who said that an apricot wester would not fly out the door.
06:57And finally, Barbara, my schnoodle.
07:00I love you.
07:01Daddy will be home soon, darling.
07:02And of course, my mum, Rhonda, who's watching at home in Broken Hill.
07:05I love you.
07:06What?
07:07It's not?
07:08Well, it should be.
07:10No.
07:10I love you all.
07:11Lovely cinema.
07:13Well done, Daryl.
07:15Now it's time for the biggie.
07:17And the nominees for the Fountain Gate Retailer of the Year are Petra Haircare, who I have to
07:23say have been supplying me with outstanding shampoos, conditioners and styling gels for over
07:2715 years.
07:30The Tyrac up on the mezzanine, last year's winner.
07:32Could it be back to back?
07:34Kuchiku Kidswear, first time nominee.
07:36Honour in itself.
07:37Well done.
07:38And finally, a familiar face.
07:40Kel Knight, purveyor of fine meat.
07:43And the award goes to...
07:47Worthy winner.
07:49Kel Knight.
07:49Kel Knight, purveyor of fine meat.
07:54Well done, Kel.
07:56Well done, Kel.
07:58Well done, Kel.
08:00Well done, Kel.
08:01With a little push to the arm.
08:04Oh.
08:05This is surreal.
08:07Unbelievable.
08:08I've been dreaming of this.
08:09Fountain Gate Retailer of the Year.
08:14Woo!
08:16Oh, I can't believe it.
08:17Thanks so much.
08:17Thanks.
08:18No, no.
08:19Good on you, Kel.
08:20Well done.
08:20And, um, Kel.
08:22This one's for you.
08:22You are the wings beneath my wing.
08:24Thanks very much.
08:25Lovely words.
08:26Well done.
08:27Kel Knight, everybody.
08:33Thank you, Kel.
08:34A little push to the arm up now.
08:36Okay, folks.
08:37That's it.
08:38Congratulations to all winners tonight.
08:40Absolutely tremendous.
08:40A little bit of housekeeping before we go.
08:42I've spoken to the car park.
08:44They will stay open for another half an hour.
08:46Enjoy your coffee.
08:49Come on, Karen.
08:50Help me with these goodie bags.
08:52Okay.
08:55Right.
08:56Each bag contains one Garnier-Frookal-Ferming-Beast-Sample-Saché, one TV-Week, one Napoleon-Perdis-Beast-Ting-Lip-Shine.
09:06Oh, well, look at that.
09:07Don't ask.
09:08Stop eating the referral ratio.
09:10Hello?
09:11Oh, yes, thanks for calling back.
09:13Yes, I was just inquiring about hiring a celebrity lookalike.
09:16Oh, yes.
09:22Oh, hello, doll.
09:23You're home early.
09:25Well, if retailer of the year can't come home and sit on his laurels with his wife for five minutes,
09:29what can he do?
09:32Oh, wow, we're on the cover of the gate.
09:35Oh, look at me.
09:35I'm like a hundred.
09:36Oh, you look nice.
09:37You look great.
09:38Yeah, I do.
09:39And we've got three more invitations to opening the night.
09:42Oh, Chris and Mary's Bear Rookic Roses sale opening.
09:46Oh, gee, Kel.
09:48It's not starting.
09:49I'm so there, Jackie O's.
09:51Right, so no Lindsay Lohan's left.
09:53What have you got?
09:55Two Larabingles and a Ralph Fiennes.
09:57No, I'll get back to you.
09:59Right.
10:26I'll get back to you.
10:34Who would you like me to make it out to?
10:36Phyllis.
10:37Phyllis.
10:38Please, I'm like chicken and a leg.
10:40Hope you enjoyed.
10:42I love you.
10:43I love you, darling.
10:44Thanks very much.
10:59Can I help you?
11:02Oh, hello you.
11:04Congratulations.
11:06I think mine's a little bit bigger.
11:09Good for you, my love.
11:10What can I do for?
11:11Oh, I've got all these openings.
11:12I think I need a new tuxedo.
11:14Have a look.
11:16By the way, are you interested in coming along to one of our regular little gatherings?
11:20It's a lot of an alternative retailers association.
11:23Chopped off, boys.
11:25It's called Fruits and Suits.
11:26It's a hoosh.
11:27That one's $699.
11:29I was thinking you'd do a deal.
11:31Give it to me pro bono.
11:32Pro what?
11:34Tell.
11:34Give it to me for free.
11:36Good publicity, me being retailer of the year.
11:39I'm pretty well known around here now.
11:41Well, that may be as such, but you're not exactly Grant Denier yet.
11:44The suit is $699.
11:48Well, I might go and see Barry on the measurement and see what he can do for me.
11:51Well, you just do that.
11:57So, Kim, how much is this all going to cost?
11:59I don't know.
12:01Not much.
12:02Party rides, shopping, camping, catering.
12:04We're ridiculous.
12:05We're trying to save for our own house.
12:07Grant, do you think you could cut me some slack and just let me run with some of my ideas?
12:11Well, just a bit over the top.
12:12You know, catering.
12:14Everyone outsources their party pies and sausage rolls these days.
12:17Well, all right.
12:18Kim, at least let's have a budget.
12:21A budget?
12:21Those dirty kids.
12:22Those dirty kids.
12:23Do you think my walker had a budget to the opening ceremony of the Commonwealth Games?
12:27By the looks?
12:28I don't think so.
12:29I'm going to go.
12:30Trust me, Brett.
12:31I know what I'm doing.
12:35Where do you come in?
12:37Oh, Cal and I are going to the opening of the new Gloria Jeans on Bob Beach Station.
12:41So I'm just teaming with the theme.
12:43But no, I need you to look after Ebony because I've got to go to Fountain Gate.
12:47I've got so much to do.
12:48No, Kim, I can't.
12:49I mean, you know, now Kel's a pillar of the community and I'm a virtual pillar myself.
12:55I mean, you know, that like First Lady, tickets.
12:58Yeah, well, tickets is the operative word, Kim.
13:00I mean, if Kel and I aren't at every local opening, we make or break shows.
13:04I mean, we're bums on seats, literally.
13:09Gee, no big names here, Kel.
13:12What are you talking about?
13:13You're looking at him.
13:16Ah, sorry, this is a VIP section.
13:18No, Kel, it's Eric Banner.
13:20Hello, Eric.
13:21G'day.
13:22I'm Kat, Kat's Day 9.
13:23This is my husband, Kel.
13:24Yeah, I think he knows who I am.
13:26Yeah.
13:26When did we last catch up?
13:27I think it was in Munich.
13:29What do you do, Kel?
13:30Yeah.
13:31Oh, don't be funny.
13:32Ah, another skinny latte, thanks.
13:34Make it a double.
13:35Yep.
13:36Kel, don't you think it's had enough?
13:37It's sincere double-experience.
13:38Oh, that's fine.
13:39Why it?
13:40Can you get your cameras out of my face?
13:42Oh, yeah, that's all right.
13:43That's what we're here for.
13:44Hey, look, seriously, no more photos, please.
13:46Kel, don't help.
13:47Back up.
13:48Sorry, Eric.
13:50So, how long are you back here in Australia for this time?
13:53Oh, I actually live here.
13:54Oh, that's right.
13:55Yes.
13:55I read that in the magazines, yeah.
13:58And yourself?
13:59Haven't you seen an actress being such a looker?
14:01Oh, thank you, Eric.
14:02Yes, I am.
14:03I've actually just finished a run of Head of Gobbler at the Fountain Lake Players.
14:07Oh, really?
14:07Who'd you play, the Gobbler?
14:09Yes, my big action.
14:11Are you okay?
14:12Got a quick cut, is it, mate?
14:13Yeah, sure, mate.
14:13Oh, me too.
14:15Jump in.
14:15Oh, very expensive.
14:20Hey!
14:24Back off, mate.
14:25You're getting a bit too close to my wife.
14:27Now, Kel, look at me.
14:28Don't poke me, mate, okay?
14:29No.
14:30Put your manners back in your pocket or this interview is over.
14:33Kel.
14:34Okay, mate.
14:36What's he doing?
14:36Hey!
14:37Don't walk away from me, little turd.
14:39What?
14:40Hey, you're welcome.
14:42Kel, come on!
14:43Come on!
14:44Kel, come on!
14:45Kel!
14:45He's making fun of a hole!
14:47Oh, my God!
14:48Are you kidding, mate?
14:48Kel!
14:49Kel, come on!
14:49Eric, look out!
14:51I'm kidding!
14:52There's nothing in the life!
14:53Look out, Eric!
14:54Oh, my God!
14:55He's going green!
14:57Oh, my God!
14:58Oh, my God!
14:59Oh, my God!
14:59Oh, my God!
15:24This is me, I've got the latest copy of the gate, you and Kel are all over it
15:28Oh, dang Sharon, Kel lost it last night, took on Eric Banner
15:32And you can imagine who came off worse, Eric's still in hospital
15:35Mum, have you worked out your costume for the party today?
15:39I mean, do you even know which celebrity you're coming at?
15:41Yes, I'm coming as Kate Moss, because I look like her
15:44And Kel's coming as her boyfriend, Peter O'Doherty, which fits, because he's out of control
15:48Oh God, is that the time? 9.30, Kel's still in bed
15:51Kel! Has Kel given up work, Mrs. D?
15:54No, but the fame has gone to his head, I tell you, Sharon, he's living the rock and roll lifestyle
15:58Getting up at 9.30, going to bed well after 10
16:04Oh no! What's that?
16:07Oh no! Now he's throwing televisions out the window
16:12Sorry, I was trying to get reception
16:15Kel, I think you'd better pop in the shower and go to work too sweet, please
16:19Oh, don't touch it, Sharon, it's still floating
16:24Right, this is the VIP section
16:28Wow!
16:29What were we doing now?
16:31You won't be allowed in there, Sharon
16:40Hi, Kel
16:41Hi, Katya
16:42My first customer all day
16:44Oh, really?
16:45Yeah
16:45Oh, where were you gone? My sausage has gone
16:48Yeah, I didn't get time to make any
16:50Oh, that's a shame
16:51Well, I've got just here to pick up the little boy for a party
16:54Oh, it's his party
16:55Oh, sweet, so I don't think you could close the shop earlier again today
16:58Oh, I think you are right, Kat
17:00I have taken my eye off the ball a bit
17:02And business is starting to suffer
17:04Yeah, well, I think you have been a bit seduced, Kel
17:06You know, by your newfound celebrity
17:09Albie at C-List
17:10I've seen it happen before
17:12Grated people, they get their pictures in the magazines too much
17:15And they stop trying with their work
17:17Yeah
17:18And ultimately what they start creating becomes banal
17:22Well, it's not going to happen to me
17:23I'm staying here till 5.30
17:25Oh, well, good boy
17:26And I'm coming up with ideas for five new sausages
17:29Oh, how does veal and the vietnamese mint sound?
17:32Oh, that sounds sort of a little dull
17:33Alright, well, if you're going to do that
17:35I'd better rethink my Kate Moscosy
17:36Because, you know, I don't want to have flat hair all night
17:38Oh, no way
17:40This is a mess, you know
17:51This is a mess, you know
17:53Sorry
17:57Pulsity, Pulsity
17:58Nice move, thanks Pulsity
18:00Thank you very much
18:01Again Pulsity, thank you
18:03It's really me, Sharon
18:04Yeah, yeah
18:06Pulsity, oh, oh, Mrs. B, that's great
18:08Who are you?
18:10Oh, Brett, I'm Nicole
18:11In her early years, you know
18:121989 Logie frock
18:14Yeah, Nicole, Nicole, how do you feel that time cap?
18:17Oh, no comment, Brett
18:18Nicole, where's Keith, where's Keith?
18:19No comment
18:22Oh, posh, posh
18:23I'm not posh, I'm Beck Hewitt
18:25And if it's me or Hewitt
18:26Anyway, it doesn't matter
18:27The party's all over
18:28Everyone's going to main it
18:30After all my efforts
18:32Oh, don't worry, Kim
18:34Look at her little lips
18:34She's loving the red car
18:37Thousand bucks down the drain
18:38Thousand bucks?
18:40You kidding, Kim?
18:41Shut up, Brett, I hate you
18:42Kim?
18:43Oh, I'm posh
18:44I'm not posh
18:48You've been sick, hell
18:50You could say that, Mrs. Summers
18:51Okay, bye-bye
18:53Hi
18:53G'day, Daryl, what can I do you for?
18:55Yeah, Summers from Pro Bono
18:57Sure we can work something out?
18:58Just more ones, actually
18:59They're for Barbara
19:00For Snoodle
19:01No worries
19:02Many of you like
19:04Yeah, I tell you
19:05You seem a little bit strict
19:06Meant to be the celebrity party
19:08But no costume
19:09Oh, I can help you there
19:11Just hop down to the shop
19:12After you close
19:13Did you say celebrity?
19:15This is what goes as well
19:17No way
19:17I'm just Kel
19:18Plain old Kel
19:21Purveyor of damn fine meats
19:23I can't use him
19:26That's great
19:26That's great
19:27Sign a little higher
19:27Surge me
19:28Shoulder it, thanks
19:28That's great
19:29That's all that
19:30Great, yeah, thanks
19:31Thanks, Felicity
19:31Felicity, get out of the VIP section
19:33Now
19:34Oh, Kim
19:35Why can't you be a very important person?
19:38Someone's here
19:39Who is it?
19:41I don't know
19:42It looks like
19:43Oh my god
19:45It is
19:46Mrs. Day
19:47It is
19:48It's Kate Durbin
19:51It is Kate Durbin
20:01I'm a bad boy
20:04A bad boy for love
20:14Keith, I mean Kel
20:18You look gorgeous
20:20The hair, the chaps
20:21The cub and eels
20:24Come here, Nicole
20:25Oh, Kel
20:27The pool of fame
20:28Too strong for you?
20:29No, I love a red carpet opportunity
20:30Oh, ditto
20:31Two-fold you great hunk of spunk
20:33I'd go to the opening of a fridge
20:35If someone invited me
20:36Hey, Nicole
20:38That's enough, Brett
20:39Respect our privacy, please
20:42No!
20:54Oh, that was good in the end
20:56Well, what are you reading?
20:57Spotless
20:58You know, it's all about stain removal
21:00Oh, it's really sad
21:01Oh, speaking of stain
21:03Sharon spilt Gatorade on my skinny leg
21:05Oh, actually, that's in here
21:06Let me look
21:07Hang on, where did I see that?
21:08Yes, here it is
21:11Gatorade on skinny legs
21:12Make a paste
21:13Two parts bicarb
21:14One part pneumonia
21:14Leave own night
21:17Oh, I'm reading the secret
21:18Oh, yeah, what's that about?
21:20Well, it's just about
21:21If you want something
21:22You can wish for it
21:23And you'll get it 100%
21:25I didn't know that
21:27Go to sleep, Eppany, please
21:30Poor lips
21:31Yeah, you and Brett
21:32Should think about having
21:33Another baby, Kim
21:34Well, actually
21:36We've been trying
21:36Really?
21:38Yep, nothing's happening, though
21:40Well, maybe you should think
21:41About getting into
21:42Some futility treatment
21:43What's the point?
21:45Well, I wouldn't mind
21:46Having a designer baby
21:47You know those ones
21:48You can choose from a catalogue?
21:50Oh, yes
21:50Where you can, like,
21:51Choose your jeans
21:52You can choose, like,
21:52A professor's jeans
21:53And mix it with
21:54The model's jeans
21:56So I've got a face
21:57A risk is
21:57That might look like
21:58The professor
21:59And think like the model
22:00Yeah, that's a risk
22:01No, it'd be good
22:02It'd be good
22:02And you could carry it for me
22:04You could be my surrogate
22:05And then I'd have
22:06No downtime
22:06No way, Jose
22:08I'm not going there again
22:10Why don't you just do
22:10What it says in the secret
22:11And wish for a baby
22:13Yeah, that's a good idea, actually
22:15Does it say how long
22:16It takes before it arrives?
22:17Yep, hold on
22:18It does
22:18It does, just here
22:19Yep, three working days
22:21Really?
22:22That's quicker than any day
22:23Yeah
22:23See, I want to wish for something
22:25What can I wish for?
22:26Oh, I know what I need
22:27A new video iPod
22:28Because my nano's far too small
22:29To hold all Anthony Collier's
22:31Huge back catalogue
22:32Yes
22:32Bye
22:32Bye
22:32Be
22:32Bye