- 5 days ago
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00:00Oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:09Oh, oh, oh.
00:14Be it, so good.
00:17Oh, I know Kel.
00:18I am so tired after all that boxercising, so sore.
00:23I know.
00:23Oh, oh.
00:25Ditto, it's all big time.
00:26Sleek, I don't know about this Get Fit campaign, I mean, why bother when it means I haven't got the
00:31energy to satisfy my lovely ladies?
00:33Well, Kel, I'm not exactly calm and suturing myself tonight.
00:38Alright.
00:40Night-night, doll.
00:46Evening Primrose, my ProMensal, V12, Omega-3.
00:54Yuck.
00:55Oh, well, no pain, no gain.
00:57Right.
00:58Brekkie, what day am I on?
01:00Day four, breakfast, comfort of yoghurt and nuts.
01:04Morning, fleets.
01:05Oh, speaking of nuts, hello you.
01:07Thank you for last night, I enjoyed that cuddle.
01:10Sorry, love, it was all I could muster.
01:12Oh, don't worry about it, doll.
01:13Now, what can I get you for brekkie?
01:15You're on day four, you can have an egg white, three prunes and a yackle.
01:19Thanks, fleets, I'd better get a wriggle on, I've got to go to Jim.
01:22Ooh, who's Jim when he's at home?
01:25You're getting a little bit jealous, aren't you?
01:27I might be.
01:28Well, there's no need.
01:31Oh, hello, revolting.
01:33Hello, Kim.
01:34Gee, caught it away.
01:35Why bother going home at all, Kim?
01:37I may have just set up the fold-out for you in the good room, you're so keen on the
01:40place.
01:40Oh, as if I want to hang around a couple of old gravens.
01:43I just don't have any food in the fridge.
01:45Oh, well, Kim, you'll get no joy in there.
01:47Cal and I are on the Dr. Cabot's no-carbohydrate diet.
01:50No, no, no, no, no.
01:52What's that supposed to mean?
01:53It'll take more than not eating bread to get rid of your crepey neck and your turkey, dobla.
01:56Oh, you're such a good girl.
01:58Ew, what's this?
02:00Oh, that's Macedopolis and Bippidopolis.
02:02Yes, can you keep it, Ophelis, please?
02:03Well, we forgot to leave me any food before he left.
02:06I'm about to go into key cases.
02:08Stop in your dreams.
02:09Oh, a spoon, please.
02:12Now, can you tell me, please, Kim, has Brett heard about his promotion yet?
02:16No, and he's such a wuss he won't ask.
02:18And I've had him working all weekend again.
02:20Oh, that's right.
02:21He's on his career trajectory, Kim, poor Brett.
02:24Poor Brett's been living La Vida Laca at the Grand Prix.
02:27I just don't see why he couldn't take me.
02:30He's entertaining in a corporate box, Kim.
02:32He's got to impress the client.
02:33Well, who wouldn't be impressed by me?
02:36He needs a corporate wife, Kim.
02:37Someone who's good with people.
02:39I'm not a people person.
02:40I'm corporate.
02:41I could entertain a dickhead any day.
02:44You, Kim, are a liability for poor Brett.
02:47You know, if you listen a little bit more with your presentation,
02:50you could actually help Brett claw his way up that computer city ladder.
02:53Oh, no.
02:54I just couldn't be arsed.
02:55Could not be arsed.
02:59I'll be in the shower, okay?
03:00It's all right, darling.
03:04Oh, yes.
03:05Very corporate.
03:07I mean, do you think that's the way Wendy Dean behaves
03:09to Mr Murdoch's important clients in their New York penthouse?
03:12I don't think so.
03:14Cal?
03:15Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
03:17Cal, you're not impressing anybody.
03:38Yes, holding back the years is a priority for me and Kel.
03:42What's so darn wrong with that?
03:44Kel isn't Adonis.
03:45But unlike the Greek statue, things aren't exactly turning to stone at prison.
03:50Which is ironic, because somehow I'm feeling totally shagged.
03:59It's hard being a wife.
04:00There's so many choices.
04:02Corporate.
04:03House.
04:04Fish.
04:05Which one's me?
04:08Hi, Kim.
04:09Hi.
04:10Where have you been?
04:12Oh, been at Mark's all night?
04:14Oh, yeah.
04:15What'd you do?
04:16Oh, you know.
04:16The usual.
04:18I had it outside of my car and then went through his rubbish.
04:21That looks nice.
04:22What's that?
04:23A billabong.
04:24Yummy.
04:24Oh.
04:25Maybe I've drowned with sorrows in a billabong.
04:27None left.
04:34Nothing goes right.
04:46Hello.
04:47Boring.
04:48Places to meet.
04:50People to do.
04:57I ate a sexy.
05:02I had a sexy dream about you last night.
05:04Oh, things are looking up, Kel.
05:06Do tell.
05:06Mmm.
05:07I dreamt you a big loaf of Bornhoppen and I gobbled you all up.
05:10Oh.
05:11You are missing the carbs, aren't you?
05:13What do you think of the prostate smoothie?
05:15Oh, it's very nice.
05:16Mmm.
05:17Yes, I like it.
05:18And it's doing my prostate no end of good.
05:20Mmm.
05:22Oh, look at her.
05:24How she looks so young.
05:25Looks like a teenager.
05:26Oh, Kel.
05:28It's Nicky Webster.
05:29Of course she looks young.
05:30She's in show business.
05:31She's probably had work.
05:36So your boss, what'd you say?
05:38Not a heed for she.
05:39$29.95, thanks, mate.
05:41Says between me and Jared.
05:43Jared?
05:43You're kidding.
05:44He said he was a dick.
05:45Your voice junkie.
05:48Who's that?
05:49Jonah, Jared's wife.
05:50Well, his wife works here.
05:51That's weird.
05:52She manages software.
05:54She's really smart.
05:55Bloody ugly.
05:56So what time's lunch?
05:57I'm working through lunch, Kim.
06:01Excuse me, what's your name?
06:03Hi, Kelly.
06:04Well, Kelly, could you get me a drink of water?
06:06I'm pregnant and I'm very thirsty.
06:08Kim, that's my boss.
06:09Can I see you in my office, Brett?
06:12You'd better go, Kim.
06:13That's my interview.
06:19What are you staring at, Stare Bear?
06:22Look at Shana.
06:23She thinks she's God's gift strutting around serving customers, just so Jared can get his
06:27promotion.
06:28But she doesn't know about Brett's secret weapon.
06:30Me.
06:31See?
06:32I'm his biggest asset.
06:58I'm his biggest asset.
07:00I find him in my office.
07:05So you're not...
07:18Yeah...
07:19It's an herbal faceless kel.
07:21It gets rid of all your bags, your jowls.
07:26You look ten years younger.
07:27What's that?
07:29Oh, Jajoba.
07:30Hello, Vera.
07:32Now, go and lie in the good room, read your men's health,
07:35take note of the seal section.
07:36Very relevant.
07:38Yeah?
07:39What?
07:40Kelly said you're the favourite?
07:42Obviously, I impressed her.
07:43Oh, you're so close, Brett.
07:44I can smell it.
07:45All you have to do is novel Shona and software,
07:48and I can help you, White Aunt Jared.
07:49All right, get back to me.
07:50Bye.
07:51What's all this, Ken?
07:53I'm going to help Brett get his promotion.
07:54Mum?
07:55I'm going to be a corporate wife.
07:57Oh, good girl.
07:59But you do realise you're going to have to schmooze big wigs
08:01and work the room and such, Ken.
08:02Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.
08:04Oh, easy?
08:05I admire your trust part, Kim.
08:07I just hope you've got the wife of all to back it up.
08:09Mum, I've done the research.
08:11To be corporate, you've got a White Aunt,
08:13Backstab and B2 face.
08:15Hello?
08:15Oh, fine, take it.
08:16I've got to go shopping.
08:17If I'm going to do this properly, I'd better be a brand Nazi.
08:20It's not dotty or witchery.
08:21Don't talk to me.
08:22Oh, Kim, I've got a lot of power-dressing shoulder pads up in the logo.
08:26Shoulder pads?
08:26Mum, you say five minutes ago.
08:29No, I need to look at some magazines, get some fashion ideas.
08:32Oh, well, I've got a lot of old items in the toot.
08:34They're good.
08:34Oh, no, Mum, I'll find something else.
08:36If they still had it around.
08:37Very useful.
08:40Oh, hi, Sharon.
08:41Hi, Mrs. D.
08:43You look tired, love.
08:45What's been happening?
08:46Oh, I just came off a double shift at the Repat.
08:49And I happened to go past Morley Blooms on the other side of town.
08:53And I saw Mark.
08:54Oh, any hope?
08:56It was with the lovely, leggy Moira.
08:58Who?
08:59The lovely, leggy Moira.
09:01She's a river dancer.
09:03He seems really smitten, Mrs. D.
09:06Why doesn't he like me?
09:08How long, Smith?
09:09Oh, you can take that all off now, Kel.
09:11All off, eh?
09:12That and the seal section just might get me going, Poxy.
09:15Oh, yes, we'll see.
09:17You're so lucky, Mrs. D.
09:19Kel's all over you like a rash.
09:21What's your secret?
09:22Well, Sharon, it's all in your paranomes.
09:25I mean, it's chemistry.
09:27I'll give off an aroma that does things to kill.
09:29Sometimes.
09:30Gee, wonder what my aroma's doing to Mark.
09:34Nothing deodorant, wouldn't cure.
09:35Kitten?
09:37Fuck up, Sharon.
09:38What?
09:39I mean, get with the program.
09:41You know, read the signs.
09:42If Mark likes river dancing, he do river dancing.
09:45I mean, it's very popular these days.
09:47Is it?
09:48Oh, yes, and absolutely.
09:49And you should see the guys who do it.
09:51They are absolute pieces of Irish eye candy, a lot of them.
09:54I've heard those guys have to have sex the minute they come off stage.
09:58Oh, really?
09:58Have they?
09:59No, not after that sort of physical exertion.
10:01I mean, take it from someone who knows.
10:03Why don't you take up river dancing, Sharon?
10:05Get you out from under your own hairs?
10:07Yeah.
10:08Look, you're a good little loser.
10:09Give it a go.
10:11Ooh.
10:14Maybe I will, Mrs. D.
10:17You know, Kel, it's bad enough I'm going to be a grandmother,
10:19but I'm not going to be a wrinkly, fruity old one.
10:22That herbal facelift did nothing for me, Cap.
10:24No, no, you're right, Kel.
10:25You're still very jowly.
10:27I think I'm starvaceous.
10:28I'd kill for just one slice of bread.
10:31Oh, look at the time, Kel.
10:33You've got to get to jazzercise.
10:34Your blearo bike shorts are in the dryer.
10:36They should be dry by now.
10:39I'd better get a wriggle on, too.
10:40Sharon will be here in a minute.
10:44Come on, Sharon.
10:44Have you got it on?
10:45Come on.
10:46Come on.
10:48Come on.
10:48Come on.
10:48Come on.
10:51Come on.
10:51Come on.
10:51What do you think, Mrs. D?
10:53Hmm.
10:54My eyes look different somehow.
10:56It's a bit itchy, but I like it.
10:57Yeah.
10:58Uh, we can let it out a bit.
11:01I like the puffy sleeves.
11:02They cover your fidubitas.
11:03Good.
11:04Sit here.
11:05Oh, well, that's all right.
11:06You keep your arms down when you're doing Irish dancing.
11:08Okay.
11:08Yeah, go for a bit of a jig.
11:09All right.
11:16Yeah, we might get you into a sports practice, I think, like.
11:36It's times like this when you've got to think mentally.
11:38Brett needs me to get this promotion.
11:41You know, I've got the looks, but I've also got the smarts.
11:44Yep, like Rachel Hunter, I'm a foxy moron.
11:46Oh, my husband Brett is going to go off when he sees me in this.
11:50Yes, I think he will.
11:56And downhill.
12:01Telemark.
12:09Oh, I can't keep doing this.
12:12It's killing me.
12:14I know what you mean, Kel.
12:18I mean, we seem to be doing everything.
12:25I mean, the body's defying gravity.
12:27What about the face?
12:29Oh, you're all right.
12:31Oh, look at this.
12:32More chinges than a Chinese phone booking.
12:34I'm always knackered.
12:36There must be an easier way.
12:38Well, I think there is, Kel.
12:41I mean, how does this go and trouble
12:42on a couple of banana lounges sound?
12:44Oh, keep talking.
12:45Keep talking.
12:51When Brett gets his promotion,
12:53all this will be mine.
12:55Hi, Brett.
12:57Oh, Kim.
12:58What's up?
12:59What are you doing?
12:59I was just shopping.
13:00Thought I'd get a lift home.
13:01Oh, well, have an end-of-month drink.
13:03Oh, good.
13:04Hi, I'm Kimberly.
13:06And you are?
13:06I'm Jared.
13:07Ah, the famous Jared.
13:08I've heard all about you.
13:10Well, good, I hope.
13:11No.
13:11I'll have a card in there.
13:12Thanks, Jared.
13:15Don't drink wine, Kim.
13:16You know what you like.
13:17Shut up, Brett.
13:17The doctor said I could have one.
13:18Now I'm going to work the room.
13:20Watch and learn.
13:24Kelly!
13:25Empty glasses here.
13:27Not a good look.
13:28Sorry.
13:29I could have any facts for that.
13:32Oh, look, Brett.
13:33Kelly's coming over.
13:33Look at her body English.
13:34She likes you.
13:35Let me do the talking.
13:37So, Kelly.
13:39There's my husband you have to root
13:40to get a promotion around here.
13:41Not you, I hope.
13:45Yeah, I've already packed
13:46your massage sandals, Kel.
13:48And your happy coat's still on the line.
13:50Can you put these in your bag?
13:52Oh, you won't need both, Kel.
13:53Just take that one.
13:54That's nice.
13:55This is what's pretty ricksy by the looks.
13:57All the celebrities go there, do they?
13:58Yeah, apparently.
13:59And not just B-list, C-list as well.
14:01Oh.
14:02Yeah, I can't help feeling
14:04we're a bit tragic back there,
14:05you know, a bit desperate
14:06with all our diets and exercise.
14:08I know.
14:08I mean, who do we think we are?
14:10I mean, reality check, people.
14:12I mean, here's one out of the box.
14:14Why not age gracefully?
14:16No, I think I'm right on that.
14:18I'm still waiting for my cub, mate.
14:22I think you mean chardonnay.
14:24No, Kelly, it's French.
14:26The H is silence.
14:28No, it's chardonnay, Kel.
14:30It is chardonnay, Kel.
14:31Yeah, no, chardonnay.
14:32All right.
14:33Chardonnay, chardonnay,
14:34you pack of suns.
14:35You're just kidding.
14:36Ah!
14:44It's very nice, isn't it?
14:46Mm.
14:47It's quite ripsy.
14:49Anyway, cheers.
14:50Cheers, Kel.
14:51This mock pile's going down very nice.
14:54I'll tell you what.
14:55Once these bandages come off,
14:57you'll be in real trouble.
14:58I'll be straight back on the horse,
14:59don't you worry.
15:00Who are you calling a horse?
15:02I have to say, I'm champing at the bit.
15:06Hello.
15:07Where are you from?
15:09Oh, Sydney.
15:11Oh, well, I'm from Melbourne
15:13and Kel's an Adelaidean originally.
15:15Oh, Rundle Mall.
15:19Are you going to town for tea tonight?
15:21Oh, no.
15:22We're dining in.
15:24Yeah, we're dining in tonight.
15:27Town can get a bit much, can't it?
15:29Would you like to join us for tea?
15:30We're having the pureed smorgasbord.
15:33Yes.
15:33All right, you can join us for our table
15:36until about seven.
15:37This is the life, isn't it?
15:39Ow.
15:42What happened?
15:44Well, I was entertaining the whole of software.
15:47I had them eating putty out of my hands.
15:50It was going so well
15:52when stupid Brett made me fall off my clacky meals.
15:55I sat on a $7,000 plasma screen TV.
15:59Oh, so he didn't get his information then?
16:01No, but I'm wrapped to the back teeth.
16:04I'll tell you what, Sharon.
16:05Being a corporate wife is such a thankless task.
16:08I'm not just some man's crutch.
16:10No, I'm going to concentrate on my own career.
16:13Well, that's great, Kim.
16:15Yeah.
16:15What are you going to be?
16:17A trophy wife.
16:18Oh.
16:19What do they do?
16:21Nothing.
16:22And that's my specific skill base.
16:24They just sit around looking beautiful.
16:26Oh.
16:28Thereby making their husbands look more powerful.
16:31That's right.
16:32Yeah.
16:32Yep.
16:33Fergie.
16:34Anna Nicole Smith.
16:35Big shoes to fill.
16:39Here we are.
16:41Home, sweetheart.
16:45Oh, I feel like a new woman, Kel.
16:51So do I, but where are we going to find one this time of night?
16:54Oh, Kel.
16:56You know, if you did your hair Chewbacca style,
16:59you could make a very respectable John Lord.
17:01Thank you very much.
17:03No, I feel sensational.
17:05Oh, you certainly do.
17:07Come here, you.
17:07Oh, no, no, no.
17:08Stop, Kel.
17:09We've got to get to Sharon's River Dancing.
17:11I think it starts about eight our first time.
17:13Come on, house to ourselves.
17:14Oh, no, Kel.
17:15No.
17:16Oh.
17:17Oh.
17:18Back in business, eh?
17:19Oh, I reckon.
17:20Oh, that feels nice.
17:21What do you call that?
17:22It's my Botox.
17:23Oh.
17:25Oh.
17:43Oh, come on, Kel.
17:46It's all right.
17:46It doesn't matter.
17:47It'll come back.
17:49No.
17:50Now I'm worried.
17:51As the wise man once said, I think I've lost my mojo.
17:54Oh, Kel.
17:55Stop it.
17:56We can go to the doctor and get some Viagra or something.
17:59Have a piece of bread and enjoy the night.
18:01Give some look.
18:03Oh, my God.
18:04What?
18:05It looks really good.
18:07It looks really subtle.
18:08Well, you know, Tim, these days, frankly, I don't even get by that little bit of work.
18:12Really?
18:13No, it's very common.
18:14Yeah, it is common.
18:15It's common.
18:16It's nice.
18:17It's unusual.
18:17It's common.
18:18And, you know, Kim, everyone I know is doing it.
18:20Liz, Michael, Melanie Griffith.
18:22Well, she looks a hundred baht.
18:24She does.
18:25Where?
18:25Come on, Petrie.
18:27Hello.
18:28Tracey wife, Anita Bacardi.
18:29Hey.
18:30Sharon's on the next count.
18:35Contestant two.
18:38Sharon Strzlecki.
19:28Gee, Mrs. D, you look really different. Have you done something to your hair?
19:32No, Sharon, it's been on a nice relaxing holiday. What about you up there? And Mark?
19:40Oh, I don't care about him anymore, Mrs. D.
19:42No, I've discovered that developing an interest in a really sexy, sensual form of dance like Irish dancing is the
19:48perfect outlet for all my urges.
19:49So, I've practically done away with men altogether, actually.
19:54I really like your dancing.
19:56Did you really?
20:09Official duties.
20:15And now it's time for the 40's and over.
20:18Oh! Come on, Kel. Come and trip the white bandango with the lady of the dance. Come on!
20:23Go, Ken. Go, Kel.
20:25Go, Kel. Go, Kel. Go, Kel. Go. Go, Kel. Go, Kel. You Thank you.
20:41Oh! Come on, Kel. Go, Kel. Go, Kel. Go, Kel. Go. Go, Kel.
21:07No! What are you doing?
21:09No!
21:16No!
21:17No!
21:17No!
21:19No!
21:23No!
21:34The sun's trying to break through.
21:38Oh, are you having a sauvignon plonk?
21:40Yes.
21:40Yum.
21:41Do you know what I really miss, Mum?
21:43Going to the pub and getting literally legless.
21:47Gee, the other night was a nice night though, wasn't it, Kim?
21:49Yeah, it was. It was.
21:50Sharon really found her feet with the river dancing, didn't she?
21:53Kel found more than just his feet.
21:55Mum!
21:59I still think it was pretty unfair, darling.
22:02We should have won that comp.
22:03We didn't say in the rule book that horizontal river dancing isn't part of the code.
22:08I'll tell you what, the audience got more than they bargained for, that's for sure.
22:12Well, now Kel's back on the carbs.
22:13He wants me to go river dancing every five minutes if you get my drift.
22:16Yes, I get it loud and revoltingly clear.
22:22Mum, your face looks all normal again.
22:25What happened to the surgery?
22:26No, it wasn't surgery.
22:28It was non-invasive herbals.
22:30It was only designed to last a few days.
22:32Well, what a waste of money.
22:33Oh, no, it wasn't, Kim.
22:35Look, it was just an expensive learning curve.
22:39Nothing was worth it.
22:41Oh, Mum, you know when Rachel in Friends had her baby, she just had the cutest little bump.
22:48I think I'm going to be like that.
22:50Kim, that wasn't real.
22:51That was just Jennifer Aniston with a pillow stuffed up her jumper.
22:54Oh, really?
22:55Well, how come she's got a baby in the show now?
22:58God, you're stupid.
23:00I mean, for a girl who's done stop secretarial, you're very slow on the uptake, Kim.
23:08Actually, you didn't finish that course, did you?
23:10No.
23:10That's why.
23:11I finished my cake decorating course though, thank you.
23:13Just.
23:14With a little help from Sarah Lee.
23:17There you go.
23:24Come in, Kel.
23:26Rather you than me.
23:27Quick, hide the tag.
23:31Oh, it's nice.
23:32It's different.
23:33Yeah, it's unusual.