- 10 hours ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:05I'll get back to the office and I'll check that, okay?
00:08I'll call you back.
00:13Oi!
00:21Oi!
00:22But you take offense to someone painting the sun
00:24because it romanticizes climate change.
00:26We can't censor all art.
00:41But if that art causes psychological harm, it's not art.
00:46It's cruelty masked as art.
00:49Someone come in here.
00:56Don't be shy.
00:57Slop a pic for your collection, girl.
01:05But who decides what causes harm?
01:07You!
01:08The woke witch of the West!
01:10Wokey-kokey!
01:11Art is meant to provoke!
01:13And I should have done you just to see
01:18But I need to be more than you
01:21Am I going to bleed
01:23Any time you keep me with it
01:27With it, with it
01:35Provoking thought isn't the same as provoking hate.
01:38Do you want to praise somebody for painting a swastika just because it's edgy?
01:51I've got to make you with it
01:52I've got to learn with it
01:52I've got to learn with it
01:52Okay, but for most people like this, how will we ever make to learn if we're never pushed out of
01:57our comfort zone?
01:58Do you realise that if you're willing to be able to dismiss, it's safety
02:01I've got to learn with it
02:03If the artist wants people to respect their work as legitimate, then the artist must also
02:08recognise that when a fence has been caused not to run away from the repercussions.
02:15I'm sorry, sir, but you're looking for someone.
02:30You're late.
02:33You look great.
02:36I hope you're all inspired.
02:38Because what you just witnessed was the power of words.
02:41The power of debate.
02:42So I'm going to run a debating competition.
02:44And for the first time in this school's history, the winning duo will represent us at the National
02:50Debating Championships.
02:52Let's show the world the power of Allsbrook's voices.
02:55Who wants it?
02:56You're mine.
02:58You're mine.
02:59I said, who wants it?
03:00You're mine.
03:00I said, Connor wants it.
03:04Not to embarrass the lad, but he's into debating.
03:06He does it loads.
03:09Really, Connor?
03:10Yes, sir.
03:10He's a master-bater.
03:15I'll see you later.
03:17I'll see you later.
03:18I'll see you later.
03:18Sit down.
03:19No!
03:24Nice.
03:24How are you doing?
03:25Yeah, good.
03:26Thanks.
03:26You're ever put that thing down?
03:28No.
03:29I need to be ready to log any offensive behaviour at all times.
03:31I mean, my last entry, 2.10pm.
03:33Mail crosses playground, gulping at sixth formers' cleavage.
03:36Filed under misogyny and predatory behaviour.
03:38Was that me about since seconds ago?
03:40Yes.
03:41But don't worry about it.
03:42I also filed it under Fantastic Tits.
03:48Right, ladies.
03:49Media training is how we make sure the club's values come across clearly and positively.
03:55Now, you ladies represent this club every time you speak.
03:59Now, tomorrow we have a club...
04:00It's easy.
04:00It's so unprofessional.
04:02Sorry, Mail.
04:02Tomorrow we have a club fundraiser event and it's important that you embody the values
04:06that define our club.
04:08So, let's dive straight in.
04:11What would be an on-brand, values-driven caption to post with this image?
04:16Yeah.
04:18Putting everything on the line for the team.
04:20Dirt washes off, but passion doesn't.
04:23Hashtag, all weather warrior.
04:25That's great, Daisy.
04:27Sorry, what about when he wants to try anal, but it doesn't go according to plan?
04:33Hashtag, anal regret.
04:40It depends if we're talking authentic agency or consumer-driven illusion.
04:44And you cannot ignore structural determinism.
04:46But let's not turn this into neo-liberalism versus post-modernism, because that's a different debate.
04:51Yes, boys. Love it.
04:52It's got this debate a lot, isn't it?
04:54Do you think?
04:54I used to debate in my old school.
04:56Me and my mate, Roderick, we made it to the semi-finals of the national debating championships.
05:00Oh, my God, really?
05:01Yeah.
05:02No-one's asked.
05:05You little muppet.
05:06Yeah, Pat told us you loved it, so we thought we'd wind you up.
05:09Don't you think it's interesting?
05:10What?
05:11A bunch of posh helmets chatting nonsense and nothing actually changing?
05:14Nah, lad.
05:15Lad, you won't catch us wasting our time debating.
05:18Sorry.
05:20I've said it once.
05:22Say it again.
05:23Grandma Pat's arse has hallmarks of being one of the greatest arses back in the day.
05:28Nah, lad.
05:29I'm not saying it wasn't a good arse, but I don't think it was elite.
05:32No, no, no.
05:33I'm with cum.
05:34That was a top-tier arse.
05:37You've got to remember she was a dancer.
05:38Well, I'm a race.
05:39A good arse, maybe.
05:40But not a great arse.
05:41You do realise you lot are debating right now?
05:42No, wouldn't I?
05:43We're talking.
05:44Well, both sides were trying to make a point.
05:45Lad, we're chatting about hypothetical historical arses.
05:48It's basically a debate.
05:49There is no debate.
05:50She defo had a crack of arse.
05:51Now you're debating whether you're debating or not.
05:53Let's put this to bed.
05:54Elite.
05:54One word.
05:55Elite.
05:57What?
05:59Did you see that?
06:00What?
06:00Oh.
06:01My.
06:02God.
06:03Wow.
06:03Get the fuck on her.
06:05Is she like a Kardashian?
06:06I knew it.
06:07I knew it.
06:07What are you doing?
06:09Bunch of perverts.
06:10What?
06:11Don't hug it!
06:13You embarrassed Miles, and you embarrassed yourself.
06:17I want to take full accountability for my actions.
06:20And I deeply respect the opportunity to grow both personally and professionally.
06:26Today, I learned something in media training.
06:29You know, now it's your age.
06:31The closest we got to media attention was a blurry photo in the Echo if we won a cup.
06:36We dreamed of someone sticking a microphone in our face and asking us what it felt like to score the
06:41winner.
06:41Yeah.
06:43Being interviewed.
06:45It was a privilege.
06:48Because it meant we were being seen.
06:51It is you being taught how to handle the press and treating it like it's a burden.
06:57It's progress.
07:00It's proof we've made it, and that makes you lucky because you're walking through doors other people have spent their
07:06whole lives banging on.
07:13Look, I get it.
07:15It's hard to play the game if it doesn't fit with who you are.
07:20But if you don't play it, you're only holding yourself back.
07:25So isn't it worth it if it gets you where you want to be?
07:31I get what you're saying.
07:34Thanks.
07:36Do you want me to speak to Miles and apologise?
07:41Nah.
07:43Firstly, your little anal regret joke brought back some very traumatic memories for him.
07:48And if I'm honest, I don't think either of us have fully recovered.
07:54You're not the only one with inappropriate jokes.
07:58Get out.
08:04Rhys!
08:04Rhys!
08:08It's the big debate competition today.
08:10How do you fancy being my partner?
08:11Debate me cock up your arse.
08:13How would we even debate that?
08:14I don't know. Like, should it be in there?
08:15Come on, I'm being serious. I think you should do it.
08:17What? Put me cock up your arse?
08:18Debate!
08:18Oh man, I'm alright me lad. Nice one though.
08:21Look, listen.
08:22Most of the people that debate have never lived any of the stuff they're debating about.
08:26But you have.
08:27That's what makes you dangerous.
08:29You'd see these issues first hand, you'd be speaking with truth and that could wake people up.
08:35Look, this means a lot to me.
08:37I wouldn't ask you if I didn't think you had something.
08:40If debating is ever going to be more than posh people chatting to each other, then it needs voices like
08:44yours.
08:46Alright, I'll give it a go.
08:47Yes!
08:48So, to conclude, I categorically maintain that Reese's penis has no rightful place within my rectum as I do not
08:55identify as a homosexual.
08:56Second it!
09:00This isn't just a competition.
09:02It's where you find out what you believe in.
09:04And if you've got the clarity, the courage and the craft to defend it.
09:11So, let's begin.
09:20Who's done that?
09:22That is not funny, who has done that?
09:24And we have to be honest, as a society, if someone can't afford to raise a child alone, then they
09:29shouldn't have had one in the first place.
09:31Sorry, what?
09:32People don't choose to struggle, do they? It's life.
09:35It's life, but maybe they should plan for life better.
09:39Yeah, wouldn't it be nice if life always went to plan?
09:42If people only got pregnant when it was convenient?
09:45Do you think mums choose to raise kids on their own?
09:49Do you think they choose judgements from people like you?
09:53Give it a rest!
09:54And there is no doubt in my mind that once he gets going, he folds Reese's Ma like a death
09:59chair.
10:00He does! Look at his face!
10:04Age shouldn't matter in a relationship.
10:07And all the bread brings honesty, experience, and a belt of three cheese toastie.
10:13Er, very passionate Connor, but the motion is age shouldn't matter in the workplace.
10:19And yeah, there are some scroungers out there who will waste their support.
10:23But I also know there's loads of single mums who work day and night, who pretend not to be hungry
10:29just so their little lad can eat.
10:31Who are fighting every single day to keep the family's heads above water.
10:34And that kind of strength deserves our help.
10:38That kind of courage deserves our praise.
10:41So maybe, instead of asking why they didn't plan better, ask yourself, how'd they still go?
10:50Cheers!
10:58You absolutely smoked them!
11:02Impressive, you hold it really well.
11:04But there's actually a brain in there.
11:06I mean, obviously it's not going to be enough to beat me, but...
11:11Still...
11:11Impressive.
11:13She's right, to be honest. The final's going to be a whole new level against her.
11:16We need to think like her to give ourselves a chance.
11:19Christopher, you need to unlearn your toxic masculinity and confront your white fragility and apologise for your ancestors for owning
11:26Arthur Jamaica.
11:27What?
11:28I'm thinking like it.
11:29Oh, well, don't do that for too long, you'll end up hugging a tree.
11:33Don't worry.
11:34I've got a way to think like her just long enough to get what we need.
11:37What?
11:39No.
11:41We need your support.
11:42We need your investment.
11:45That's what keeps this club moving forward and allows us to build for the future.
11:49A future that includes our incredible Academy Girls here today.
11:53So, let's get them up here and I'd love for any questions you have to be put to them.
11:58Okay.
11:58I'd love you.
12:00I'd love you.
12:01I'd love you.
12:01I'd love you.
12:04I'd love you.
12:05I'd love you.
12:07I'd love you.
12:08Nigel, Redfern Investments and Capital.
12:11I've always backed the women's game and it's great to see it finally getting the recognition that it deserves.
12:17And who do you support?
12:18Oh, my big blue.
12:20The Moisiah.
12:21I meant women's team.
12:22Oh, well, Everton ladies.
12:25And you guys, of course.
12:26Nice one.
12:27Did you see our match against Arsenal last week?
12:30Yes.
12:31Of course.
12:32Brilliant game.
12:33Yeah.
12:34It got colder.
12:37My point is, it's a fantastic product right now.
12:41Getting proper attention.
12:42Product?
12:43You know, we need people who actually enjoy the game.
12:45Not just people who think it'll look good in an investment brochure, but hey, yeah, you got your little badge,
12:50mate.
12:50Okay, thank you.
12:51Any more questions?
12:55My Louise.
12:57Ew, I'll see who thinks Nigel's a bit of a knob.
13:06It's 2026.
13:07It's time for head student, not head boy or head girl.
13:10It's time to lead with brains, not binaries.
13:13Would you like to say?
13:39Yeah, of course.
13:47Wow.
13:48That really works.
13:50I'm going to try it with everyone.
14:01The potential of the women's game is huge and I see Mersey Vale playing a major role in that, which
14:07is why I am happy to announce my commitment to invest in this club.
14:17One minute, love.
14:17We've all seen the way the Premier League exploded.
14:21Global audiences, massive commercial success.
14:23It's a powerhouse.
14:25That's what I see here.
14:26The next Premier League.
14:28With the right investment, we can take women's football on the same journey.
14:37Yeah, but, like, do we even want to go on the same journey?
14:42Look, no offence, Nigel, but everyone keeps banging on about emulating the Premier League, but is it really even all
14:48that?
14:52What are you doing?
14:53It's all right, girl.
14:59Look, if you ask any proper fan, they'll tell you it's far from perfect.
15:03Fans can't afford tickets, clubs turning into global brands instead of belonging to the community.
15:09It makes you question whether they love the game like we do.
15:13Look, we're at this mad, exciting point in the women's game, right, where it's taken off, but you can still
15:18afford to go.
15:19You can still relate to the players. It's still about football and not Muppets like Nigel.
15:24Sorry, no offence again, Nigel.
15:26So, yeah, let's bring the good stuff of the Premier League, like the exposure, the opportunities, the proper facilities.
15:34Let's not forget why we all fell in love with it in the first place.
15:38This is our chance to not make the same mistakes.
15:42So let's build something even better than the men's game.
15:46Can you imagine how boss that would be?
15:47The Premier League looking over us and thinking...
15:51We messed up.
15:53And we should have done it that way.
16:02And...
16:05And...
16:06We need to be a bit careful of old Nigel, yeah?
16:08Because earlier, I pretended to do a natty salute to wind Tracy up, and I swear, he gave me a
16:13little approval nod.
16:15Just saying.
16:17What's she like?
16:19Don't lie, don't lie, don't lie, don't lie.
16:23It's amazing, isn't it?
16:25Hey, look at this. Pedals on the steering wheel.
16:28What's next? Gear stick in the glove box.
16:32So this show is going round the North West, yeah?
16:35Yep.
16:36I'll be there, front row, every time.
16:38I haven't got it yet, Dad. It's just an audition.
16:41Ah, you will.
16:42Just remember, Priscilla had a very composed and elegant way of expressing herself.
16:48Hey, Elvis.
16:49Go to Chippy for us, will you get your fat balance?
16:55Nailed it, love you.
16:56Right, let's go.
17:23Every time you see her, you feel it.
17:27What the fuck?
17:30You must be meant to do it.
17:41You will snap.
17:47Sorry, lad.
17:49How are you? Hi.
17:50Yeah, fine.
17:52I'm sorry, I didn't mean it.
17:53No.
17:54Three, four quid.
17:55There's not many left, let's get on here.
17:57I've got to go, lad, I'm sorry.
17:59What? What do you mean?
18:00You will lose control.
18:05Dad, are you okay?
18:08Dad?
18:08You will flash her throat.
18:16One second to kill her.
18:18One quick move.
18:20And it's done.
18:22Dad!
18:26Dad, what's up?
18:30Dad!
18:31Dad!
18:35What is that?
18:37My AirPod case.
18:39Look, I went through your notebook, right?
18:43Let me guess, you went through my book because you know you don't stand a chance in the final without
18:47cheating.
18:48You realise that you flunked a few rounds and that you are still reasonable for your stupid little shit playing
18:53at being clever.
18:54A little shit who no one will take seriously.
18:57A little shit who will amount to nothing.
18:58A little shit.
19:00A little shit.
19:03A little shit.
19:04Seriously, lad.
19:04There's not many left.
19:06Hmm?
19:08Yes!
19:38Yes!
19:38Ha-ha!
19:38About a nice seven hour drive to Cornwall now.
19:42Come on.
19:42Good luck.
19:43You go and show them what this family is bloody made of, okay?
19:47I love you.
19:48Thanks, Dad.
19:50I love you too.
19:58Be careful.
19:59Love ya.
20:09I think people underestimate how much we change.
20:12We're always learning and evolving.
20:15Saying people never change is an excuse to write somebody off without giving them a chance.
20:20No, but you're shaped by your childhood, your family, your environment.
20:25You're like a cake that's been baked.
20:27You can't then just unbake it.
20:30He's lost his head, you know.
20:31A cake?
20:32Lads, he's in trouble here.
20:34I agree.
20:35I mean, yeah, your past does shape you, but it doesn't define you.
20:39If anything, it shows us how much people can change when they grow and make better choices.
20:46It shows us real change.
20:51You can't bring both.
20:53Well, if people make better choices, the older they get.
20:56How come my ma's going out with Mr Dunn?
21:00I think she's just gone a bit desperate, to be honest, mate.
21:08OK, fine.
21:10People can change.
21:12Er, Rhys, you need to argue for the motion.
21:15And that's my point.
21:16You just believed what I said.
21:18So what if we think people change because they act like it?
21:21But really, they just get better at hiding who they really are.
21:24Now, people can be really good at that, can't they?
21:27What are you doing?
21:27Sometimes the ones who act the hardest, they seem so good, are really trying to hide something very, very dark.
21:34Proof that no matter how caring or woke they act, deep down there's a darkness that won't leave.
21:38Stop it, Rhys.
21:39Maybe it's because they're desperate to convince themselves that they're not a monster.
21:43Seriously, just stop.
21:44But a monster can wear any mask it wants.
21:47But at the end of the day, it's still a monster.
21:49No matter what it says or what it does, a monster stays a monster.
21:54And the scariest thing is, eventually, the mask will slip and the evil will spill out.
22:05Ella Grace?
22:05Where are you going?
22:06Ella Grace?
22:11Okay, everyone, whilst Ella Grace collects herself from that verbal knockout,
22:16split into small groups and discuss if you were for or against the motion.
22:19Rhys, where are you going?
22:21Rhys, come back here!
22:22Donny's changed since he's starting to give some recess, ma'am.
22:25On with the discussion, please.
22:27He's shaved his chest now.
22:28I can see it glistening.
22:29Mofasi, can you just focus on the task, please, thank you.
22:32Okay, shiny chest.
22:39Look, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done that, but to be honest, you're scaring me.
22:43Do we need to warm it, Aloys?
22:45I don't know.
22:46He's got his mic on it.
22:47I'm just looking for you.
22:49My Louise, please stretch the overreact, I'm sure he doesn't mean this is bad.
22:52I'm going to do something bad, I'm going to do something really bad.
22:54E, why are you shaming me?
22:56What's going on?
22:57I'm sorry, I mean, I've tried really hard, but I can't fight them anymore.
23:00Fight what?
23:01I just want him to leave me alone.
23:03Who?
23:04I just want him to fuck off!
23:07I can't live like this.
23:11I have to do something.
23:17I have to do something.
23:19Hey, do what?
23:22I'm going to kill you.
23:25No!
23:26No!
23:27No!
23:29Everyone, just leave me alone!
23:31No!
23:40Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
23:44Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, I can't...
23:47No, I can't...
23:48I can't stop the thought.
23:50I won't thought.
23:51The thoughts are trying to kill you.
23:53You what?
23:55Is everything okay in there?
23:56The doctor's told me it's OCD, but what if it's not?
24:00Because I don't get it. I've done everything that they've said.
24:02I've written the thoughts down. I've recorded them. I've listened to them.
24:05I've even tried to be around you. Exposure therapy, but the thoughts, they're still there.
24:09So that's why you've been following her?
24:11You've been following me?
24:12I know that thoughts aren't actions, but if they keep on coming back, doesn't that mean something?
24:20Look, I'm aware that this is the girls' toilets, but I may need to come in.
24:24No, I don't want to live if this is what I am.
24:40How's this for exposure therapy, girl?
24:44No, that's deadmeister.
24:46Maybe one of you should slip a finger in just to advance the exposure therapy.
24:52Oh my God, she's laughing.
24:53Maybe she is psycho. She thinks killing me is funny.
24:57Okay, I'm coming in.
25:02Okay.
25:04It's okay.
25:06Eee, seeing the Brimble's fragile emotional state, so decide to pounce like a predator, have you, sir?
25:11My Louise, now is not the time.
25:14Are the Grace, you okay?
25:16Okay, good.
25:18Oh, um, I do need to let you know.
25:21As you did leave the stage mid-debate, the winners are.
25:24Reese and Christopher.
25:25Oh, that is right, sir.
25:27Oh, yeah!
25:29Woo-hoo!
25:30I'm going to kill you, sir.
25:32Oh, no!
25:33No, no, no, no, no!
25:37I've got it!
25:38Your first SDD?
25:40I'm so rousy, a girl.
25:42Which one?
25:43I've only read them.
25:44That's an amazing girl.
25:46And he's called my dad.
25:53What's going on, now?
25:54I thought Reese.
25:56Hey, look, don't take this the wrong way.
25:58But this little brimble mans we've got going on, this can't be a thing in public.
26:02No, I mean, I agree. Social suicide for me.
26:06But good luck in the National Debating Championships.
26:09You're way too smart to keep on playing dumb, you know, Rhys.
26:12Cheers.
26:14And you know, if you ever need to talk to anyone, I'm always here.
26:18And I really hope you get better.
26:21Thanks.
26:25Hey, everyone. The brimble's just started to come on to me there.
26:29She said she wanted me to put my big white privilege inside a tight safe space.
26:34Wow. Rhys Duffy in the National Debating Championships.
26:36I can't wait to hear his argument on global geopolitics through the lens of an extra small condom.
26:43What's going on?
26:43What's going on then, too?
26:57Dad!
27:00Dad!
27:14Dad!
27:14Dad!
27:15You didn't know what it was like figuring her up on you!
27:16You've got no idea you didn't sacrifice that, me!
27:18Hang on! You didn't sacrifice a bloody thing! You just didn't want to be here!
27:21Dad!
27:26What?
27:28Aye, I don't know.
27:30This is an injustice!
27:31Believe the Scouts 4!
27:35I've never been arrested before! What an incredible experience!
27:38What, do I tip at the end, or...?
27:40I'm claustrophobic!
27:42You just slapped me in the ass!
27:45Seriously, though, I didn't do anything!
27:46Just to clarify, was the knee in the back a livable thing, or just a personal touch?
27:49You're fine! I've cracked!
27:51Connor's got loads of cocaine up his arse!
27:52You need to go full cavity, lads!
27:54Full cavity!
27:55At least that's not funny, lads!
27:56What are you doing?
28:00I'll call you right there, lads!
28:03You're the only one that saw what happened!
28:05So, come on...
28:06Who did it?
28:14With your hands!
28:16With your hands!
28:18Busies!
28:19Busies!
28:20Busies!
28:21Deez! Deez!
28:22Busies!
28:22Busies!
28:23Busies!
28:25Busies!
28:33Busies!
28:38Busies!
28:41Busies!
28:43Busies!
28:43Busies!
28:44Busies!
28:45Busies!
28:45Busies!
28:46Busies!
28:47Busies!
28:48Busies!
28:49Busies!
28:50Busies!
28:51Busies!
28:51Busies!
28:52Busies!
28:52and hide behind the anonymity of their online profiles.
28:54That's not a useful, definitely!
28:56Don't beat yourself to death with a dictionary,
28:58you thick as pig shit illiterate fuck!
29:01And be an absolute twat on social media.
29:14What the hell are we gonna do?
29:16Don't worry, lads. I've got this.
29:17You can shove your violins op your arse,
29:22they don't speak to us… Just the middle class!
29:26They pull a stupid face, spend years having lessons,
29:29and knock it out these bangers in ten seconds.
29:32You can shove your violins up your arse,
29:35they don't speak to us… Just the middle class!
29:38People pull a stupid face, spend years having lessons,
29:41and knock it out these bangers in ten seconds!
29:47Yes, I want it too!
29:51So, thanks to Rhys and Christopher, this Friday,
29:55Allsbrook will be both hosting and competing
29:57in the Grand Final of the UK National Debating Championships!
30:05I can now announce your opponents, and they are...
30:11Roderick White and Nathan Williams of Queenswood House Surrey!
30:17I'd like to tell you a little story, 20 years ago.
30:20What's wrong with your fat man's own Norrishet?
30:23Queenswood House is my old school.
30:25So you know them lads?
30:26Yeah, they're my mates.
30:27So what's the problem?
30:29Nothing, it's just...
30:30you lot meeting them, it's a bit weird, isn't it?
30:35You're weird, lads.
30:36Which is why I would encourage you to give them a big Allsbrook welcome
30:40when they arrive.
30:41Thank you, sir.
30:43Now onto the main announcement.
30:45That was the main announcement.
30:47Yeah.
30:51I respect you.
30:53Oh, okay.
30:54Okay, sir.
31:00I know how you all see me.
31:03Lewis the Psycho.
31:05Lewis the Bully.
31:08Lewis the Wanker.
31:12Today is the day that all changes.
31:16Today I become a new man.
31:17Today, I launch.
31:22To guide me through these 12 steps is a man close to my heart.
31:27An inspiration.
31:28A successfully recovered tugger and Scrabber.
31:31who just last week convinced me to join him on this beautiful path that is recovery.
31:38Ladies and gentlemen.
31:40Give it up for...
31:42Toby!
31:46Hang on.
31:47That's the lad who kicked my head in at that house party.
31:50And made me watch.
31:51The first step on my path towards recovery is to apologise to all those I've wronged.
31:58Well, sir.
32:02All right, Lewis.
32:03Tell us what you see.
32:05What?
32:05Wrong video.
32:07Dad, what's that?
32:09Tits.
32:13Dad, this part of recovery is not for bubble consumption.
32:16Turn it off!
32:17It's not letting me.
32:18Tell us what you see.
32:21More tits.
32:23This is so familiar, lad.
32:24Turn it off!
32:26Turn it off!
32:26I'm trying!
32:28And this one.
32:30Me dad.
32:32I see me dad.
32:35My tits!
32:39I can't do this, lad.
32:41Yeah, I guess the...
32:46Hey!
32:46Hey, Lewis!
32:47What do you see here, lad?
32:50Your answer we called.
32:52Told us about your dad's MS.
32:54And how it's been getting worse.
32:56And now you're having to look after him all by yourself.
32:58Something just hit me.
32:59How family is family.
33:00And how the past doesn't really matter when something like this happens.
33:04Look.
33:06I can't go back and change what's happened between us.
33:08But I can be here now.
33:10To help.
33:12If you'll let me.
33:18What a performance, eh, love?
33:20Family is family.
33:22Did you get that one done?
33:23Yeah.
33:23I'm just waiting on life's too short.
33:25And then I've got a full house.
33:26You don't have to forgive me.
33:27But at least let me help.
33:28I've already done a shopping.
33:30I'll sort them overdue bills of seeing.
33:31Hang on.
33:32Who says we need your help?
33:34You're clearly struggling.
33:36Come on, Wayne.
33:37This is no life for the girl her age.
33:39Do you know what?
33:39I can't take any more of this shit from you.
33:42Do you know what?
33:42There's no life for her, Anna, eh?
33:44A life without her mum.
33:45And that's something that you took from her.
33:47So don't you dare come into this house
33:50and pretend to feel sorry for us.
33:52Acting like the past doesn't matter.
33:54Well, I tell you what, girl.
33:55It matters to me.
33:56And it matters to her.
33:57So get your stuff and get out.
34:02I'm staying in a hotel in town if you change your mind.
34:05We won't.
34:10Ta-da!
34:13What a weird way, lads.
34:16She genuinely thought a Tesco shop and a few fake tears were going to win us over.
34:21Unbelievable, eh?
34:21That's what I'm telling you about.
34:25I'll tell you what, though.
34:27She has got some decent scran in them bags.
34:29Has she?
34:30Yeah.
34:31I saw some of them Danish pasties we like.
34:34But we're not eating them.
34:36Of course not.
34:39Yeah.
34:41Last time we did this,
34:43it was for Klopp's leaving announcement.
34:46Got through that.
34:47Gonna get through this.
34:49Jesus, boys.
34:50Who died?
34:51We did, lads.
34:52We did.
34:53What?
34:54Lads?
34:54You're not gonna wanna hang with all savages anymore.
34:56What are you all about?
34:58You're old mates.
34:59We're not gonna get a look in once they get here.
35:01I see.
35:02I know how this goes, lads.
35:03We're the chocolate rice from Aldi.
35:05And they're the real thing.
35:07Kellogg's Kuchu Palms.
35:08Do you want us to bow down to these mates?
35:10I would prefer you kiss the family ring.
35:12Or ring peace.
35:14Hey!
35:15All right, boys!
35:18Bring it in, come on.
35:20Long start, Chrissy.
35:22What, no signal up here?
35:24Um, yeah.
35:25Sorry, I meant to reply.
35:27I've just...
35:27I've been busy.
35:28Yeah.
35:29Um...
35:30Roderick, Nathan,
35:31this is Ted,
35:32Mo,
35:33Connor,
35:34and Rhys.
35:35Well, so,
35:36this is why you've been busy?
35:38I mean, you've joined the shittest Scouse boy band that's ever lit.
35:41Coming from the Maid in Chelsea, Vietjecht.
35:43Sorry, could you...
35:44Could you repeat that in English, please?
35:46Whoa, careful now.
35:47They don't like even being called English, never mind being asked to speak it.
35:50Don't worry about that.
35:50I can translate for you.
35:52He's calling you.
35:53Bunch of posh...
35:54Wow!
35:54Isn't this fun?
35:55Eh?
35:55All of us being together.
35:56Hey Rhys,
35:57we've been hearing a lot about you in the debating circles.
36:01What can I say, lads?
36:02I'm a natural.
36:03You really are.
36:04If you're debating sitting on your ass claiming benefits...
36:06Nathan!
36:06I'm not shitting on your ass debating claiming daddy's money.
36:09How about you put your hand up if you know who your daddy is?
36:11Oh, I do.
36:12Go on!
36:13Go on!
36:14Go on!
36:14Go on!
36:19Good to see you're still an easy wind up, mate.
36:22Nice to meet you all in person.
36:23What's going on?
36:24Well, I've seen your buddy in a bar's meeting, so I thought I'd reach out.
36:27Offer a little Scouse welcome.
36:29Yeah, come up with a few ways to take the piss out of you.
36:31Oh, boys, I'm sorry if the dad joke was a little bit too far.
36:35Oh, no, it was spot on.
36:36Connor still doesn't believe me that some dad actually live at home.
36:38Bad, I've told you.
36:39I'm not falling for that one.
36:45Three years after ditching you, she comes back, apologises,
36:49and then offers to help look after your sick dad?
36:51Yeah.
36:51Pay all your bills and do all your shopping, cooking and cleaning.
36:54Yeah.
36:55She sounds like a right witch.
36:57I know!
36:57And if you look to the right, you'll see the 08 Osbrook basketball team,
37:01or as enthusiasts like myself like to call it,
37:04the unfortunate case of Jamie Nugent wearing baggy shorts.
37:07Look carefully, lad.
37:08Wow.
37:10His left nut is really hanging out of those shorts, isn't it?
37:12Don't get too excited.
37:13Oh, fuck.
37:14You lad's tour guards now.
37:16And if you cast your eyes to the left,
37:18I know this might be a cultural experience for some of you,
37:20we have our next exhibit.
37:22Hmm.
37:22Working class girls, relatively fit,
37:24but very loud and painfully opinionated.
37:28Shut up, you little dickheads.
37:30Wow.
37:31An interactive piece.
37:32You know, if you boys would like a more private, exclusive tour,
37:36then just let us know.
37:37I'll take a private.
37:38Amy!
37:41What do you want?
37:43To apologise for the way I treated you when we were together,
37:48and when we broke up.
37:50That's actually quite big of you.
37:52I did things no man of a respectable character should do.
37:57And I'm sorry for the times I begged you to shove things up your arse.
38:03And the times I begged you to shove things up my arse.
38:06Oh, my God.
38:07You don't need to apologise, mate.
38:09It was never going to happen.
38:10Ooh.
38:11Sorry for the time I cheated on you.
38:13Wow, this is wild.
38:15With your cousin.
38:16Wow.
38:17At your nan's wee.
38:19Oh.
38:21In your nan's bed.
38:22Oh, he's a ratten.
38:23And wipe me cum with your nan's dressing gown.
38:28That is wild.
38:30What? No, no, no.
38:31I'm apologising.
38:32You seriously did that?
38:34Well, yeah.
38:35But I'm sorry about it.
38:36Oh, my God.
38:38You're not well, you.
38:40Nah, that's a bastard.
38:41No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
38:44Oh, here we go.
38:46I need to apologise for turning your dead man's stair lift into a sex swing.
38:49Oh.
38:50You're beyond recovery.
38:52You're sick in the head.
38:54You're sick in the head.
38:54You're sick in the head.
38:56Oh, lad.
38:56Oh, lad.
39:00Oh, lad.
39:01Oh, lad.
39:02Oh, lad.
39:10Well, I don't know if I can do this.
39:15I believe in you.
39:18Thank you, lad.
39:19I really needed to hear that.
39:21You said the same thing I said.
39:22Oh, I haven't got time for it, lad.
39:23Oh, lad.
39:24Oh, lad.
39:28Oh, lad.
39:31Oh, lad.
39:32Oh, lad.
39:32So, what was he like when he first got here?
39:34Oh.
39:34So, as part of his initiation to the group, yeah, we made him go round every ounce of the
39:38estate and introduce himself with...
39:40I'm not doing it.
39:40Of course, it was funny!
39:42Hello! My name's Christopher.
39:43I've just taken up residence nearby
39:45and I like to regularly pleasure myself
39:47to Princess Anne's equestrian highlights.
39:48Carry on!
39:51Lads, next question.
39:53Who came number one in Christopher's Spotify rap?
39:56I don't know. Coldplay?
39:58No.
39:58You do like them, do you?
39:59Of course not.
40:00This?
40:01Whale noises and ocean sounds?
40:02Correct.
40:03Hey!
40:04Helps him get to sleep, lad.
40:06All right, the final question in the inaugural.
40:08Who knows Christopher better?
40:10Who was Chrissie's first celebrity crush?
40:12Oh, Kate Middleton.
40:13Wrong.
40:13The rabbit of Zootopia with the fat ass?
40:15Correct!
40:16Yay!
40:17He's the man!
40:19Chris! Chris! Chris! Chris! Chris!
40:23He's a lucky lad.
40:25You smashed that door, lucky lad.
40:30What's that?
40:31That's your body scrapyard.
40:33Why?
40:34Hey, where you going?
40:36We're in Liverpool, Nathan.
40:38It's a bit of a shame not to see all the sights.
40:40You can't just walk in.
40:41Yeah, we'll find a way, come on.
40:42Wait!
40:42No, no, no, I don't know about that, you know.
40:45Wait, you Scousers, yeah.
40:47Always going on about us having sticks up our arses,
40:49when here you are, too scared to break a few rules.
40:54Not scared, lad.
40:57I'll rob a car.
40:58Barney's gonna kill him.
41:00You really didn't see who did it?
41:02No.
41:04Okay.
41:05All right.
41:06Go on.
41:07You can go.
41:10But that's not what your mate Roderick said.
41:12He says you'd back him up.
41:16Back him up on what?
41:18That Reese did it.
41:24I think really carefully before lying, lad.
41:27Especially with that caution of yours.
41:29Because this, on top of your previous,
41:33means you're going straight to the detention centre.
41:35So,
41:38we can either back his statements,
41:41or you can tell us what happened.
41:45Anyone need a lift at home?
41:47Come on, mate.
41:47It's bad enough we're even in here.
41:49Yeah, you're going to break it, lads.
41:50And I want to go first.
41:54I could hear Reese and Roderick arguing on the forklift.
42:00Suddenly I saw it flying down the mountain.
42:07It smashed into the owner's car.
42:23Roderick was driving him.
42:24Lad!
42:25I told you to stop messing about!
42:29Let's go!
42:37Come on, let's hurry up.
42:38Yeah, let's go, lad.
42:40The shoes, the shoes.
42:42Yeah, I'm done.
42:43What?
42:44Ha ha ha!
42:50Ah, not you.
42:51This way.
42:52The shoes.
42:53Come on.
43:10Hey.
43:13Rod.
43:14Wait.
43:15You want to fuck me over in person this time?
43:16I'm sorry.
43:17No, it's fine, actually.
43:18Now I know where we stand.
43:19Come on.
43:19What?
43:20Mates don't screw each other over.
43:21What?
43:22Like how you screwed over Reese?
43:23No, I didn't screw over Reese.
43:24But then I'd have to give a shit about him in the first place.
43:26What's going on, Rod?
43:28This isn't you.
43:29How would you know?
43:30How would you know?
43:31It's not that we talk anymore.
43:32Yeah, we do.
43:32No.
43:33No, we don't.
43:34You pissed off up here and that was that.
43:36I didn't piss off.
43:38My mum died.
43:38I know.
43:39I was there for you.
43:40I was there when you took it out on that guy.
43:43When you got charged.
43:45I was there for you, man.
43:46I had your back.
43:48And you used to have mine too.
43:51Yeah, yeah.
43:52I know we didn't say it, but we knew that if we wanted to stay best friends, then we'd have
43:55to try.
43:55Well, I tried, Chris.
44:00I tried, Chris.
44:01I did, but you got your new friend, so I guess you didn't have to, did you?
44:06That's not fair.
44:09I'll see you at the debate, man.
44:23Fix your posture.
44:25Sorry.
44:27How'd you get in here?
44:28Your dad let us in.
44:30He said he felt bad about the other day, so he invited us round for a quickie for old time's
44:33sake.
44:34You what?
44:35You left the back door open, soft girl.
44:38Oh.
44:38I was coming round to drop some takeaway off and I heard you singing.
44:42Come here.
44:44Breathe.
44:46Breathe.
44:49Try now.
44:52Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high.
44:59Bye.
45:00What?
45:01Did you think you got your voice off your dad?
45:03No.
45:04I can help you, you know.
45:06With your prep.
45:07If you wanted.
45:07Why did you leave?
45:09Sorry.
45:11It's just...
45:13My dad told me about your drinking.
45:15And how you weighing about.
45:19I got a very different side to weighing.
45:23When I was with him, it was like our whole lives had been decided.
45:28Same street, same job, same boring old pub every Saturday.
45:32And he was content with that, but...
45:34I wanted to feel like I was still becoming someone.
45:39But he'd get so angry with me.
45:41Like, oh dear, I want something different than him.
45:44I couldn't bring a name.
45:46And I tried reaching out, but...
45:49Every time I did, he...
45:51Just said you didn't want to know me.
45:53And he...
45:53He never told me you tried to reach out.
46:01I wasn't perfecty.
46:03But I was no piss head.
46:06I missed you every single day.
46:10And I never...
46:13Ever...
46:14Stopped loving you.
46:24Stopped loving you.
46:27Stopped loving you.
46:30Stopped loving you.
46:33Stopped loving you.
46:34Stopped loving you.
46:34Best of luck, boys.
46:35We won't need it.
46:36Why?
46:36We're just cooking up another biscuit tin analogy.
46:38Oh, I've got a new analogy, lads.
46:40Wanna buy cutting the head off a snake.
46:42Okay, teams.
46:45Today's topic, which Oldsburg will be arguing for and Queenswood House will be arguing against is...
46:54Private schools should be abolished.
46:56Prepare for drama.
46:58Let's get to it.
47:00Which leads me to say that private schools fuel elitism.
47:04Queenswood report.
47:05To generalize private schools as elitist is elitist in itself.
47:08They reward the best and brightest.
47:11Oldsburg reputal.
47:12Who decides the best and brightest?
47:14They benefit the economy.
47:16Reputal.
47:16By creating inequality.
47:18Helping to further fuel the UK class divide.
47:20Counterpoint.
47:21Why punish students for the faults of politicians?
47:23Overpriced.
47:24Overrated.
47:25Better.
47:25Prospects.
47:26Quality accommodation.
47:27Having to live in school.
47:28Purple.
47:28Rowing.
47:29Benedict Cumberbatch.
47:30Stevie Graham!
47:35I need to apologize for selling pics of your feet.
47:38Lewis, just piss off, will ya?
47:40Sorry, Amy.
47:41I was talking to my Louise.
47:44Yeah.
47:45Gimp.
47:54Hi, Dad.
47:55Amy, where have you been, love?
47:56I've been worried sick.
47:57I think you're getting worried sick and confused with sleeping on the couch, Dad.
48:00Amy, I'm being serious.
48:01Where have you been?
48:02I stayed at my Louise's last night.
48:04Search party wouldn't have had to look far.
48:06Well, you need to tell me.
48:07I didn't realize I had to check in every five minutes.
48:10What time are you going to be back later?
48:12I don't know.
48:13Do what?
48:13Why, where are you going?
48:15I'm meeting Anna.
48:16Are you joking me?
48:18She's going to help me with me singing.
48:20Amy, after everything that we've talked about.
48:23I know, but she is me mum.
48:24And I'm your dad.
48:26And I'm telling you now, you are not going to see her.
48:29Do you hear me?
48:30Amy, she can't be...
48:33Fuck!
48:39Boys, I just overheat the adjudicators.
48:41It is neck and neck.
48:42Down to the wire.
48:43Sticky wickets.
48:44Squeaky bum time.
48:45Bulls to the wall.
48:46The big one.
48:46The haymaker.
48:47We're going in hard.
48:47How hard?
48:48Gerard.
48:48Cause this is our one night in this, that bull.
48:50I feel really hot.
48:51Is it just me?
48:52Is it really hot?
48:52Are you hot?
48:53Cause I feel really hot.
48:53Get it together, sir.
48:55Yeah.
48:56Yeah.
48:57Relax.
48:58Remember.
48:59You have to make them believe that this is the only possible truth.
49:03Say what you really believe, okay?
49:04Something only you could say.
49:07So.
49:10Who's closing?
49:13I'll do it.
49:15I'll close.
49:18Boys.
49:19Let's go give it to them.
49:23Okay, everyone.
49:24We've heard from Queenswood House with their closing arguments.
49:26Now Allsbrooks.
49:27Christopher.
49:36I know it's a bit ironic having me argue to get rid of the very thing I'm a product of.
49:40But as someone who's experienced both private and state schools, I'm probably the best one to argue it.
49:45Though, to be honest, despite all I've said today, I actually loved my old school.
49:51I love where I'm from.
49:54And believe it or not, I even love these two arseholes.
50:00Though I know to them, they may not have always seemed that way.
50:06When I lost my mum, I started to lose myself.
50:12I started to lash out.
50:15And cut myself off from the world.
50:18And without realising my friends.
50:23Then I moved to Liverpool.
50:27And the more time I spent here, the more I started to regain those parts of myself I'd lost, and
50:32discover who I really am.
50:34But the truth is, when it comes to private schools and state schools and the worlds they represent, I'm not
50:39for or against.
50:41I don't believe we should be picking sides.
50:43Why are we so obsessed with splitting everything into two piles?
50:46Good or bad?
50:48Posh or poor?
50:49Right or wrong?
50:50Because for me, the answer isn't one or the other.
50:53It's a bit in between.
50:55The combination.
50:57Let's stop trying to win the argument and try to understand what's good about the other side so we can
51:01use it to create something better.
51:05I'm a product of both worlds.
51:07Born in Surrey.
51:09Made in Liverpool.
51:12And I'm proud of both.
51:14So why should I choose between them?
51:17When bringing them together makes much more sense than keeping them apart.
51:32Well, thank you for that Christopher.
51:36Although, as this is a debate, you've sort of got to be for or against.
51:39And as the adjudicates the flag, not only have you failed to do that, but you've barely referenced the statements
51:44of the debate.
51:47Queenswood House wins.
51:48Yes.
52:01Now, the crowd.
52:09Well, I'm sorry.
52:13Now, the crowd.
52:16No.
52:17It's alright.
52:19Your mum would be really proud of the life you've made for yourself here, man.
52:23Although she'd be less proud when we annihilate you again at next year's debating chat.
52:32Oh no, you know what?
52:33I think I'm done trying to change people's minds.
52:35Not yet, you know.
52:37I need you boys.
52:39For one last hour.
52:50What's going on?
52:51An intervention, lad.
52:52For you.
52:53An intervention?
52:53What?
52:54We're not letting this team of you life coach lead you to the strain any longer.
52:56He's making you insufferable, Lewis.
52:58It's embarrassing.
52:59He's only trying to better himself.
53:00By erasing who he is?
53:03Guys, is that what you really think?
53:05No, it just came because he said he'd buy us a scram, lad.
53:08Yeah, and we don't actually know you.
53:09We just know you look about 42.
53:11He does, to be fair.
53:12Lewis, you need to pack it in, lad.
53:16Just look us in the eye and accept who you are.
53:19Whose eye am I supposed to look into?
53:21You know, most lads go around pretending that they've got it all together.
53:24But you've never pretended, lad.
53:27You were chaos.
53:28You were honest.
53:30You were alive.
53:33By God, you were alive, lad.
53:35You said mad things.
53:37You did mad things.
53:38You know, you felt everything.
53:41You'd cry watching porn, then your dead butt had been.
53:43Yeah.
53:44Yeah, it got you into trouble.
53:46But it was real.
53:47You were real.
53:50You don't fix a fire by putting it out, lad.
53:52That's exactly what you do.
53:52Shut the fuck up, you little scrub!
53:55Dancing it, lad.
53:59Back to us, lad.
54:02Suppose I do miss wanking meself, silly.
54:05I miss watching you, bro.
54:08I know.
54:13I'm flattening anyone who gets cheeky.
54:16I just, you know, grabbing someone and getting in their face like you little maggot.
54:23You little cheddar's axle.
54:25You little overnight hoot.
54:30Aye, Lewis.
54:32Accept it, lad.
54:34And always will be a proud,
54:38Preach it!
54:40Pervert it!
54:41Say it!
54:42Dickies!
54:44No!
54:45No!
54:47No!
54:48No!