- 2 days ago
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00:01The thing you need to know is, it's all about sex.
00:05It's true.
00:06In fact, they say men think about sex every 28 seconds.
00:09Of course, that's straight men with gay men, it's every 9.
00:13You can be at the supermarket or the laundromat or buying a fabulous shirt when suddenly you
00:18find yourself checking out some hot guy.
00:20It's hotter than the one you saw last weekend or went home with the night before, which
00:23explains why we're all at Babylon at 1 in the morning instead of at home in bed.
00:28But who wants to be at home in bed?
00:30Especially alone.
00:31You can be here knowing that at any moment you might see him.
00:35The most beautiful man who ever lived.
00:39That isn't until tomorrow night.
00:49By the way, that's me.
00:516'1", 46 inch chest, 16 inch biceps, 28 inch waist, a veritable god.
00:57I wish.
00:59Okay, that's me.
01:01Michael Novotny, the semi-cute boy-next-door type, 29, 5'10", 140, 9 and a half, cut.
01:07Alright, so I exaggerate.
01:09But like, who's told the truth since they invented cyber sex?
01:11But nobody knew, for many of you.
01:14When did 70's night become 80's night?
01:17I remember this song from high school.
01:19Talk about feeling ancient.
01:20Speak for yourself, honey.
01:21I was a mere child.
01:23And those are my two buddies, Ted and Emmett.
01:25Give me those divas at disco any day.
01:28Gloria Gaynor.
01:29Donna Summer.
01:30And Miss Alicia Bridges.
01:31I love the man now.
01:33I like the boogie.
01:35We're on a disco club.
01:37Yeah!
01:38Huh?
01:39My god.
01:40Have you ever seen anything more beautiful?
01:42Venice.
01:43It's sunset.
01:44Fine.
01:45You go down the Grand Canal.
01:46I'll go down on him.
01:47Ooh!
01:50Emmett can be a little campy.
01:51Okay, a lot campy.
01:53But you gotta admit, these days it takes real guts to be a queen in a world full of commoners.
01:57The problem with perfection is its inability to recognize anything less perfect than itself.
02:02In other words, you hit on him and he turns you down.
02:07Ted's this really smart guy.
02:08And he's got a really big heart.
02:10Only nobody here is interested in the size of that organ.
02:13Why am I wasting my time staring at a bunch of overpumped princesses with IQs smaller than their waist?
02:19Jesus, look at him.
02:20Like I said, it's all about sex.
02:22Except when you're having it.
02:24And then it's all about, will he stay?
02:25Will he go?
02:26How am I doing?
02:27What am I doing?
02:29Unless, of course, you're Brian Kinney.
02:33And then it's, who gives a fuck what you think?
02:36You're lucky to have me.
02:46I'll get Brian.
03:01What are you doing?
03:05You're lucky to have to abide by.
03:05Look.
03:15Hey, Todd, how's it going?
03:16Fine.
03:21we need to go we want to eat I'm just gonna give him my number would you write
03:27it on your dick how long is this gonna take ten minutes tops
03:46hmm Bruno love your outfit not everyone can wear tangerine how long are we gonna wait you're not
03:54gonna work in the morning who doesn't he said he'd be right out yeah we've all heard that before this
03:59is some great system he's got he gets to party all night and you drive him home it's no big
04:03deal
04:03okay hmm don't look now but uh somebody's watching oh him he has been cruising me all night playing
04:14hard to get I love that in a man I'm playing is not interesting check out that bubble button
04:21that basket nothing there for the big bad wolf quit staring there's more to a guy than his cock size
04:32or his perfectly shaped ass which is why you read all those comic books with those superheroes in
04:38their little tights for the plot I told you I am NOT interested maybe just for once you should be
04:43show a certain someone he's not the only one who can score
04:54where is the country where is the we dude where is the one guy where is the one
05:07oh
05:11im going that wide
05:20Excuse me, uh, could you tell me, like, where's a good place to go?
05:26Depends what you're looking for.
05:29You want Twinkies, got a boy toy.
05:31You want leather, go to the meat home.
05:33You want snotty, conceited assholes who think they're better than everybody else, try pistol.
05:37It's kind of late to be out, though, isn't it?
05:39Especially on a school night.
05:41Why don't you come home with me, huh?
05:43No, thanks.
05:45Go on, homie or mommy.
05:47Go on.
05:56That was quick.
06:02Not when you've had as much practice as he's had.
06:05I got bored.
06:07I know, getting your dick sucked can be so tedious.
06:09Well, you look pretty hot to me.
06:10Well, anybody would look hot to you.
06:28And that's when it happened.
06:30When he came along.
06:38How's it going?
06:40You had a busy night?
06:42Just, uh, checking out the bars, you know?
06:46Boy toy.
06:47Meat hook.
06:48Meat hook?
06:49Really?
06:50So you're into leather.
06:53Sure.
06:56Where are you headed?
06:58Where are you headed?
06:58No place special.
07:00I can change that.
07:02Hey!
07:04Hey!
07:04What about us?
07:05We can run with Ted.
07:07Thanks a lot, asshole!
07:11Well, if it isn't Miss Riding Hood and her big basket.
07:14Find someone else to stalk.
07:16I'm not interested.
07:18Go home!
07:27Coming in.
07:29Huh?
07:30Oh, yeah.
07:32Shut the door.
07:56This is a really nice place.
08:10I like your kitchen.
08:12Do you like special cake?
08:15Okay.
08:16I like Cheerios better.
08:18I don't mean the kind you eat with bananas.
08:22My disco pharmacologist cooks this up for me.
08:26I'm really allergic to a lot of drugs.
08:28The doctor gave me penicillin once.
08:30Nearly killed me.
08:31And Tylenol.
08:33Tylenol?
08:35No one's allergic to Tylenol.
08:36Tylenol's what they give you when you're allergic to everything else.
08:40Oh.
08:41Well, codeine.
08:42Codeine's the worst.
08:44Like, I get diarrhea and start vomiting uncontrollably at the same time.
08:48Well, we'll make sure and keep that one on the top shelf.
08:51Out of reach.
08:57Out of reach.
08:58So are you coming or going?
09:01Or coming and then going?
09:04Or coming and staying?
09:07Out of reach.
09:10Out of reach.
09:15Out of reach.
09:17Out of reach.
09:20We'll play, we'll play this game
09:30We'll play, we'll play
09:40Walk the way.
09:42If you know what's good for you.
09:47Leave today, what the hell I'll push you through
09:53What you say, I can't explain what it is to give me
10:00If I leave today, there'll be no more demons inside me
10:05I will take your heart, take it over the edge
10:18Thank you for the lift, see ya, bye
10:29Oh my god, look, you must have followed us
10:33Christ, it's just what I need
10:35Honey, it's what we all need
10:37Hey, when was the last time you got laid?
10:39My point, exactly
10:40If you can't remember, then it's time
10:44Now, where are your manners?
10:45Go, uh, go invite the gentleman in
10:47While I make sure none of my fine washables are hanging in the tub
10:59Ooh, don't mind me
11:00Just, uh, can't sleep without my milk and Oreos
11:04This is my friend Emmett, he's staying with me temporarily
11:06Since the hooker who lived down the hall from him
11:08Burned his apartment building down two years ago
11:11Two years is a long time to be temporary
11:14And yet, it hasn't interfered with my love life
11:16Which, I suppose, says a lot about my love life
11:19Do you mind if we skip the backstory and cut to the chase?
11:22It's almost two in the morning
11:28You have a great ass
11:31Oh, yeah
11:34So do you, it's really
11:43Firm
11:44It's called the butt
11:45I got it in the catalog
11:52Parts department
11:53Melanie called
11:54It's happened
11:55What? Oh my god, when?
11:56I don't know, I had my damn cell phone off
11:58I'm picking you up in two minutes
12:01Now I...
12:02Kind of got my hands full
12:05The bulge
12:06You order both, you get a discount
12:09Who's that?
12:10Uh, no one
12:10Mikey, you've got someone there with you
12:13I can't believe it
12:14You should only be here
12:15Forget about it, don't let me bother you
12:17Fuck the shit out of him
12:19No way, pick me up, I'm ready
12:21Now
12:23We're gonna do this or not?
12:25I am really, really sorry
12:27Um, a friend of mine needs me
12:28It's an emergency
12:29Shit, after all that?
12:31I know, I promise we'll reschedule though
12:33No ifs, ands, or...
12:38What's going on?
12:39Everything
12:40Come on, get up
12:41You gotta go
12:41Where?
12:42Home
12:43I can't go home now
12:44My parents think I'm staying at a friend's
12:46You live with your parents?
12:47Well, I'm still in school
12:48I mean, college
12:50What year are you in?
12:52Junior
12:53Sophomore
12:53Between my junior and sophomore year
12:55How old are you?
12:5721
13:00What year were you born?
13:021979
13:04Bullshit
13:04You had to think before you answered that
13:06How old are you really?
13:0820
13:1119
13:1319
13:1518
13:16What is this, a missile launch?
13:1917
13:21What is with kids today?
13:23I just want to get laid like everybody else
13:26Have you ever been with anyone before?
13:29Sure
13:31Well, not exactly
13:33This is sort of my first
13:36I figured
13:38Kind of young, aren't you?
13:42Well, I was 14, my first time
13:44That's really young
13:45With my gym teacher
13:46I bet he was some old perv
13:47That old perv was probably the same age that I am now
13:52It was after school in the locker rooms
13:55He was taking a shower
13:57I went back for something
13:58A book
14:00My jockstrap
14:01I don't remember
14:04Anyway
14:04There he was
14:05All naked
14:06Soaping himself
14:07He saw me there
14:09A big boner under my chinos
14:13Shit
14:14I walked right into the showers
14:15With all my clothes on
14:17No
14:17Got down on my knees
14:19And sucked him off right there
14:21He let you?
14:22Let me
14:24He loved it
14:26I bet you were scared
14:28Well, I guess we're all a little scared
14:29Our first time
14:36But I don't remember anymore
14:52You brought him?
14:54He's got nowhere to go
14:55Get in
15:22Oh, my God
15:24Say hello to your son
15:29Well, go on
15:37When did it start?
15:39Around seven
15:40Six hours later
15:41There he was
15:42I wish I could have been here
15:45How often do I get to see Snatch?
15:48Looks just like you
15:50I guess he must be mine then
15:53Want to hold him?
15:57Careful, don't drop him
15:59That's just what I was planning on doing
16:03We've been thinking of names
16:05Mel wants to call him Abraham after her grandfather
16:07But I like Gus
16:13What do you think?
16:16You wouldn't survive a day at school being named Abraham
16:19But I guess Gus is okay
16:21Thank you very much
16:22And who the hell are you?
16:24His name is...
16:27Justin
16:27You were on the phone when he shot his load all over me
16:30Oh
16:33Brian
16:33He can't help it
16:36He's only 17
16:37So you and Lindsay each had an infant tonight
16:40Mine doesn't suck on my tits
16:42Unless I want him to
16:46Gus
16:47It's a good butch name
16:49Come on, Gus
16:51Give your daddy a smile
17:04It's disgusting all those lesbians fawning over him and making goo goo talk
17:10That's what women do over babies
17:13I was talking about the baby, I mean Justin
17:21It's kind of weird you having a kid
17:25Still, it's exciting, isn't it?
17:27What?
17:27Having some wrinkled little time clock ticking away?
17:30Reminding you that you're getting older by the minute?
17:33By the second?
17:34I keep thinking like that
17:35You're going to end up prematurely gray
17:37Well, I think I see one
17:40Ow!
17:45Why didn't somebody try and stop you?
17:47Hello? Somebody did
17:48But you wouldn't listen
17:50You had to let Lindsay fill your head with all her bullshit flattery
17:53Oh, Brian, you're so good looking
17:54Oh, Brian, you're so smart
17:57Oh, you've got such great genes, Brian
18:00And I don't mean your 501s
18:03And now you're stuck with the kid
18:06For life
18:13There is always one solution
18:22I could end it all right now
18:24Oh, that'd be dramatic
18:26It's like ER, birth and death in the same episode
18:29Now get down
18:31No, you have to come get me
18:33I'm serious, stop clowning
18:35Or I'll jump
18:57Come on, Mikey
18:59Let's fly
19:00Look at all those comic books
19:06I'm Superman
19:09I'll show you the world
19:10Why am I always Lois Lane?
19:13Go to who you really are
19:18Oh, you're so smart
19:28Every time I think
19:30There's no hope
19:32Congratulations
19:35Dad
19:37Every time I wonder
19:39How I'll go
19:45Can't wait for the sun to shine
19:49Whatever light I hope to find
19:54Sorry
19:58Honestly
19:59Fucked him
20:00You did not
20:01You looked at him
20:02That may appear to be what happened
20:03But we did it all
20:04Oh, yeah
20:04And how was he?
20:06Fabulous
20:07Want one?
20:09More for me
20:12Listen, you're gonna go
20:13Say goodnight to Lindsay
20:14You're gonna go home
20:15Go to bed
20:16And get up
20:16And go to work
20:17For the next 20 years
20:18To support your kid
20:20Sarah, see this line
20:21How deep it is
20:22That means you're very creative
20:23That's true
20:24I want to be a cartoonist
20:25Or a computer animator
20:26It's far too lesbianic
20:27Out here for a young boy
20:28Out
20:30I'll meet you out front
20:35I'm sorry, sir
20:36You'll have to come back tomorrow
20:37The mother needs her rest
20:39So does the father
20:40It's okay, nurse
20:45Sweet dreams, sonny boy
20:48First night on earth
20:50Hon, could you get me some ice
20:52And maybe something fizzy?
20:54How about some ginger ale?
21:01Anything for you?
21:03Have you seen any amyl nitrate
21:04Laying around?
21:12Alone at last
21:14Careful
21:17Well
21:18Here we are
21:21Ma and pa
21:25Hey
21:29Don't mind me
21:31Just feeling a little
21:33Vulnerable
21:40I promise not to tell
21:43Who would have thought
21:45You and me
21:46Parents
21:49It's pretty scary
21:50Boys and girls
21:53Think it's too late
21:54To return it?
21:55We could try
22:00I guess this means
22:02We're finally grown-ups
22:03Don't say that, Wendy
22:04We'll never grow up
22:06Don't be scared
22:08Hell, if our parents
22:09Could fuck up
22:09So can we
22:15I don't want you to worry
22:16About money, I mean
22:18If you need anything
22:20We'll be alright
22:21But thanks
22:28I would have fucked you
22:30You know
22:32I wasn't afraid
22:33Your lover beat the shit out of me
22:34Stop
22:35I mean it
22:36She could take out Oscar de la Renta
22:38You mean La Jolla
22:41Whatever
22:43We had plenty of chances
22:47I took advantage of a few
22:48If I recall
22:49It wasn't half bad
22:52Now you tell me
22:54You mean I could have been straight
22:55This whole time
22:57I wouldn't say that
23:00I guess it's just as well
23:11Ice
23:14Tick, tick, tick
23:16Tick
23:18Tick
23:18Tick
23:19Tick
23:20Tick
23:21Tick
23:22What are you doing?
23:24I'm just repeating the first words
23:26My sonny voice said to me
23:27It wasn't
23:28Dada
23:29It was
23:30Tick, tick, tick, tick
23:33Smart little fucker
23:36You can tell time already
23:38Brian, what did you take?
23:41A, B, C, D, E, E, E
23:46I'm just teaching my kid the alphabet
23:51I'm gonna fuck you
23:52I'm gonna fuck you
24:11I'm gonna fuck you all
24:13Fuck the doggy
24:15Okay, boy wonder
24:16I'm taking you home
24:17Where do I turn?
24:18He's going with me
24:19Oh, no he's not
24:20Pop quiz
24:21No talking
24:22Here's your question
24:23Multiple choice
24:24You wanna come home with me?
24:26A, yes
24:27B, yes
24:29Or C, yes
24:31Tick, tick, tick
24:32Time's up
24:33Pencil's down
24:34What do you say?
24:35None of the above
24:37He's going home
24:38I'm going with him
24:42Good boy
24:44You get an A plus
24:49He calls me
24:50Practically begs me to go with him
24:52Knowing full well I'm with someone
24:53For the first time in
24:54I don't know how long
24:55Seven months, two weeks, and three days
24:58Thank you
24:59And even though the guy wasn't all he was cracked up to be
25:01Well, let that remark pass
25:02At least he wanted me
25:05Me
25:09God, I am so horny
25:12Poor baby
25:14Well, I have just a thing
25:15A new porn video
25:17It all takes place in a prisoner of war camp
25:21Hot, horny men starved for action
25:23I can relate to that
25:26Guaranteed to make your private stand up and salute
25:28Schindler's fist
25:30I hear?
25:32I will leave you two alone
25:33I'm sure you're going to have a deep, meaningful relationship
25:37Good night
25:43Okay, private
25:43Drop the trow and bend over
25:45For my physical, sir?
25:47No
25:47Target practice
25:49Yes, sir
26:22What the fuck are you doing here?
26:25You said I could stay
26:29Right
26:30Your parents
26:31You think you had our friends
26:40Jesus Christ
26:41What the hell happened?
26:46Don't tell me
26:48I was doing handstands
26:49And juggling
26:50You're not very good
26:53Shit
26:54Why do I do these things?
26:57I'll tell you why
26:58It was that fucking pig, Anita
27:02She told me that was E
27:03That wasn't me
27:04That was some shit they cooked up in a bathtub in D1
27:07That's why you should never take drugs that aren't prescribed by a physician
27:10Or recommended by a reliable pharmacist
27:17What are you?
27:18A public service announcement?
27:22Get dressed
27:22I'll drive you home
27:23You can't
27:26Michael has the car
27:27Why has he got it?
27:29You were too high
27:30I know what happened
27:31I was there
27:32I remember everything
27:36Perfectly
27:39What was your name again?
27:41Justin
27:44Yeah
27:45Right
27:49Can I take a shower?
27:50Yeah
27:51But hurry up
27:52It's through there
27:55I think
27:59Fuck
27:59I have a baby
28:05Two babies
28:06Two babies
28:19Holy shit
28:22You little bastards
28:23Get the fuck away from this
28:24Faggot
28:25We're
28:26Faggot
28:27Faggot
28:28Who are you calling a faggot?
28:29We've seen you
28:29We're
28:49We're
28:51Motherfuckers
28:52Motherfuckers
28:52I'm calling the cops
28:53Brian is gonna have a fit
28:55You know how he feels about his Jeep
28:57Well if he cared so much about it then he shouldn't have lent it to me
29:00He knows what a terrible neighborhood this is
29:03Well I uh
29:04I was gonna ask for a lift to work
29:05But on second thought I think I'll walk
29:08Have a nice day
29:11Shit!
29:35Besides
29:37You couldn't send them off without a nourishing high protein breakfast
29:42It's
29:43GRRRREAT
29:43Yeah
29:48Will you come on?
29:49I'm not gonna be late because of you
30:02He said, hurry up.
30:10Yeah, what'd she say?
30:11He said, don't be late.
30:15Oh, that's beautiful, Mikey.
30:18Just beautiful.
30:19It's not my fault.
30:21I told you about those two psychopaths down the street.
30:23What, a couple of 12-year-olds?
30:24They start early these days.
30:26What are you laughing at?
30:28Nothing.
30:29You.
30:31I sound like my parents fighting.
30:36It doesn't matter anyway.
30:37It's a company car.
30:41Well, come on.
30:42We have to take the child to school.
30:44In this?
30:46You care?
30:48Fuck no.
30:50Fuck no.
31:14Here we are, sonny boy.
31:15And be sure to come home right after school.
31:17No lingering on the playground or in the locker room with the gym teacher.
31:21Oh, you did not tell him about that.
31:24It's the most famous shower scene since Psycho.
31:26Hey, Justin.
31:28You want to suck me off?
31:31No, but I'll kick your tight little virgin ass so hard you won't sit down for a week.
31:38Can we get out of here?
31:42When can I see you again?
31:44You can see me right now.
31:45I mean later, tonight.
31:47Who knows where I'll be later tonight.
31:50Better go.
31:53Please.
31:56I'll see you in your dreams.
32:18Where have you been?
32:20Your mom called.
32:21I didn't know what to tell her.
32:23I said you were still asleep.
32:24I just saw the face of God.
32:27Huh?
32:28His name is Brian Kinney.
32:32Thank God he's finally gone.
32:34He almost wore me out.
32:36Somebody wore you out?
32:38I said almost.
32:42I'll drop you by the store.
32:44The hell you will.
32:45You better get this thing repainted before you go into the office.
32:48I'm not having it repainted.
32:49What?
32:50I like it this way.
32:52Are you crazy?
32:56No, they are.
32:58Well, I say, fuck them.
33:00They can ride a neon across the sky.
33:04Stray it!
33:10Stray it!
33:20Ha ha!
33:21I'll see you next time.