- 2 days ago
Allo Allo S01E03 - Savile Row to the Rescue
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00:20We loved, we parted, as fate held a ring Now where you stand and nothing has been
00:32I have it for you here, honey
00:34You are my love, my only love, once more
00:41In me, you see a man who has problems
00:44At that table over there are two German officers dressed as onion sellers
00:49Because I gave their uniforms to some British airmen to help them to escape
00:54However, the British airmen burned the uniforms
00:57Don't ask me why
00:58And they are now hiding upstairs in the wardrobe of my wife's mother
01:02Who is in bed in the attic
01:06Playing the piano is Monsieur Leclerc
01:09Jailbird and forger
01:10Who, in his youth, was the lover
01:13God help him, of my wife's mother
01:17And who, for all I know, might well be my wife's father
01:22Herr Fleek, the Gestapo officer, is also dressed as an onion seller in order to trace the missing painting by
01:28Van Klomp of the fallen Madonna with the big boobies
01:33Which I just happen to have upon my person
01:39But even worse than all this, my wife Edith
01:45Who you will have noticed cannot carry a tune in a bucket
01:50He's about to sing another chorus
01:52The German lieutenant at that table there fancies me
01:57And these two rings on my fingers contain two suicide pills
02:04But I could go on forever
02:06René, come into the back room quickly
02:10My little chicken, Maria
02:11I have not time for that sort of thing now
02:15The restaurant is full
02:16Meet me tonight at 11 o'clock
02:18In the cold room by the icebox
02:20No, René
02:21Michel wants you in the back room
02:24Michel, France, the resistance
02:25Shh, do not mention that word in here
02:28Oh, that Michel will get me shot
02:30Look after the bar
02:33Can we still meet at 11 o'clock?
02:35Of course
02:36Can we meet somewhere else?
02:38Waiting for you by the icebox
02:41It's so unromantic
02:42But you don't have to sit on it
02:45All right, then, meet me in the cold cellar
02:47But I get so dirty in there
02:49Yes, I know
02:54Michel?
02:57Michel!
02:59I'm here
03:01Why can't you wait in the room like an ordinary person?
03:04Because I'm not an ordinary person
03:07To avoid being discovered by the Germans
03:09I have to move with great cunning and secrecy
03:11Otherwise I will be shot
03:12I understand
03:13I have the same trouble with my wife
03:20Now listen very carefully
03:22I shall say this only once
03:25You are to take this container
03:26I see
03:27And what does this container contain?
03:31Balls
03:34Michel, up until now
03:36Our relationship has been on a very civilized and friendly basis
03:39If I have ever said anything to offend you
03:41Balls jean
03:42Oh
03:44This type of jean is colored a very pale blue
03:47I run a bar, I do know that
03:49Natural glycerin is also colored a very pale blue
03:53Oh, I didn't know that
03:54But what is the connection?
03:56This is natural glycerin
03:58Ah
03:58Very gentle is it
04:00Do not drop it
04:01Do not let anyone see it
04:04Add it in your cellar
04:05At eleven o'clock, there is going to be a big bang
04:12That was not definite
04:14It was only a missing match
04:18What are you talking about?
04:20What are you talking about?
04:23I am asking you to add this bottle in your cellar
04:25It is to blow up the railway line
04:27But the railway line does not run over my cellar
04:31My straw runs over my cellar
04:33I know that
04:36I will be back to collect it quite soon
04:38Well in that case, why don't you just keep it?
04:40Because if the Germans find it, they will shoot me
04:43Well if they find it here, won't they shoot me?
04:45You have a cafe
04:46You have a bar
04:47Why should you not have a bottle of bowls, Gene?
04:51If I could think of a reason, I would give you one
04:58So here we go
04:59The same refrain
05:00The final encore
05:03You are my love
05:04My only love
05:06Once more
05:08You are my love
05:09My only love
05:12Once more
05:16Oh, thank you for your kind of clothes
05:20Now, are there any requests?
05:23Two beers and some more cheese
05:34Ah, what would you like, Lieutenant?
05:36Well, I have a fancy for something a little different
05:38What do you suggest?
05:40Maybe a small pot and lemon?
05:43Definitely, very nicely
05:46There is Monsieur René
05:48I have been trying to catch his eye all night
05:50But I think he is avoiding me
05:52He has a lot on his mind at the moment
05:54But I'm sure he is not trying to avoid you
05:57He's too busy trying to avoid his wife
06:01That is very interesting
06:08Ah, Monsieur René
06:11Ah, Lieutenant
06:13Have you got a drink?
06:15I was asking for something a little different
06:16What is that you have there?
06:18Oh, it's just a very exotic gin
06:21Ah, it is new to me
06:23What is it?
06:24Balls
06:27Monsieur René
06:29So far, our relationship has been on a serialized
06:31We've been in the basis of what I believe in anyway
06:33No, no, no
06:35B-O-L-S
06:37Balls
06:38Oh, so sorry
06:41It is most intriguing
06:43I will try some
06:44Oh, no, no, no
06:45I cannot open the bottle just for one gin
06:47Well, make it two balls
06:51We would have one also
06:53No, even for two I cannot open it
06:55Well, perhaps she would like one as well
06:58Oh, yes, I would love one
06:59You do not drink on duty
07:01Since now
07:02Perhaps you would like to give your wife one
07:07Out of the question
07:08Well, I will buy the whole bottle
07:10It's not for sale
07:11Are you trying to get rid of me?
07:16Not deliberately, no
07:29I say, would you mind making a little less noise?
07:32I'm trying to get some sleep in here
07:35Men in my wardrobe
07:37What's she saying?
07:39I have no idea
07:40French is all Greek to me
07:42I hope she's not calling for more onion soup
07:45Cheers
07:46Cheers, well, I have to stuff more chewing gum in the keyhole
07:51It is I, your daughter Edith
07:54I brought you your onion soup
07:56Oh, my Scott
08:00Why is it always onion soup?
08:04Because we are helping British airmen to escape disguised as onion sellers
08:08And we cannot waste the onions
08:10Could you not disguise the airmen as butchers, then I could have a good steak
08:16Yes, we did a good mama
08:19I am an invalid
08:22Invalides have poached eggs
08:26Why cannot I have poached eggs?
08:30Because the ends, they are not laying
08:32In my day, we mix the corn with gin
08:38Such is always making them lay
08:41Also, it would do me good
08:43When I have a new bottle
08:45I will bring you some
08:51What's the time, Hans?
08:56It's no good
08:57My eyes are running so much from these stamped onions
09:00I see
09:01Neither can I
09:03One whole day we've been away from the office
09:07What will they say in Berlin
09:08If they find out we're not there?
09:10I think they will be very cross
09:13That fool of a sentry
09:15Did not recognize me when I tried to get in
09:17But you had no papers
09:18He hit me with his rifle, butch
09:20It's a graceful way to treat an old peasant
09:24There's Helga
09:25She may have some news
09:27Here, sit down
09:30Colonel, I have bad news
09:32I have been to the cleaners for your spare uniforms
09:34And they are not ready
09:35You fool girl, you should have bought them as they were
09:38Yes, you should have bought them as they were
09:39Fool girl
09:41They have been sent away
09:43They have gone to Paris
09:44You ordered deluxe service
09:46I did not order deluxe service
09:48Who ordered deluxe service?
09:50I did
09:52You and your creases
09:54You try to be smart down here
09:56You should be smart up here
09:58I sent my hat also
10:01I have more news
10:02Is it good or bad?
10:05But I am your superior officer
10:07I asked the questions
10:08In these clothes we are equal
10:10On the contrary
10:11My onions are bigger than your onions
10:14And I have two rows
10:16Lucky you
10:18Tomorrow morning at ten o'clock
10:20General von Klinkerhofen is coming to inspect
10:22Von Klinkerhofen?
10:23Not the von Klinkerhofen
10:25Hans, you fool
10:26How many von Klinkerhofen
10:28Stated there are?
10:29The telegram in your office
10:30Says you are to meet him at the station
10:32This is disaster
10:34Can you imagine the stink in Berlin?
10:38Von Klinkerhofen
10:39Met by two onion sellers
10:42Hitler will do his nut
10:45What are we going to do?
10:47We could borrow a revolver
10:48To shoot ourselves
10:50I suppose that's the honourable thing to do
10:53After all we are
10:54Officers and soldiers
10:56I just thought that we could shoot our little toes off
11:00Then we could go to hospital
11:02Where they wear pyjamas
11:03No
11:04Perhaps René has news
11:06Ah, René
11:08Yes, Herr Onion Cellar
11:10One moment
11:11Monsieur Leclerc
11:17Take this gin to my mother
11:20Oh, gin
11:23I have forgotten how it smells
11:26So long have I been in the nick
11:30René
11:32Take this and mix it with the corn for the chickens
11:35It will help them to lay
11:38Yes, Colonel
11:39René, sit down
11:41Oh, thank you, Colonel
11:45Now, listen, René
11:46I will come straight to the point
11:47If you do not get these uniforms by tonight
11:50You will be shocked
11:52You don't beat about the bush, do you, Colonel?
11:54I do not
11:55Why don't you try it sometime?
11:58It's better for the nerves
11:59Especially my nerves
12:02Well, do we get them or not?
12:04Colonel, they are coming from London
12:06London?
12:07Helga
12:08The less you know, the better
12:09Put some cheese in your ears
12:12I'm afraid there was a slight delay, Colonel
12:14The tailor had to go to a bar mitzvah
12:16A Jewish tailor?
12:18Oh, I do not
12:21Whatever that means
12:24I will speak to someone who will make contact
12:28They will try to get them delivered to us tonight
12:30Your life depends on it
12:32So do our little toes
12:39Come on, little chickens
12:41Come on
12:44It's dinner time
12:52It is time I am singing again
12:55I need something to steady my nerves
12:59You know, singing to a crowded room takes a special kind of courage
13:03It's lucky you are so brave
13:06What are you doing with that bottle?
13:08I am just going to whet my whistle
13:11You fool!
13:12This could blow your whistle through the top of your head
13:15So what are you saying?
13:17I am saying it is to blow up a train
13:19I am saying it is nitroglycerine
13:25I have given some to my mother and the chickens
13:28Oh, no, this is disaster
13:30Those are the only chickens we are
13:33What about my mother?
13:37That drink
13:39It make your mama very frisky
13:42What happened?
13:44She got out of bed
13:45Went to pick up her slippers
13:47And blew the door off the wardrobe
13:51Quick, the chickens
13:52Oh, what's the matter?
14:03Stop throwing this corn so hard
14:04It's still gone
14:05Where?
14:06Inside the chickens
14:07What?
14:09Well, where are the chickens?
14:10Where they always go to Lazy X
14:12Behind the edge
14:21Well, that was only five
14:22Where is the other?
14:23The cockle hole chased her into the hen house
14:30Mmm, so big
14:42You are looking at a walking legend
14:48How would you like to be pom-pom
14:53Why should she be pom-pom
14:58I say, Cartez
15:00The old girl's a bit of a goer, isn't she?
15:03That's how they don't give her anything else
15:04Between the onion soup and that drink
15:07She's more dangerous than the flak of a Berlin
15:11Mama
15:13Are you alright?
15:15I'm in the middle of my performance
15:18Shut up
15:20Oh, there's an old piece
15:22All you do like to be
15:32I've got casters
15:33This is a terrible war
15:39Shut up, both of you
15:40Shut up
15:43Listen to her
15:45For once, she's ecky
15:47You know it is from her
15:48Get my talent
15:50It has travelled very badly
15:52Now, listen
15:53I have to lift the bed
15:54To get to the radio
15:55To talk to London
15:56Shut up, you old bat
15:59Oh, I think they want the wireless
16:13Hello, hello
16:14This is Nighthawk
16:16Can you hear me?
16:17Over
16:17Of course I can hear you
16:20Not you
16:21Shut up
16:22Hello, Nighthawk
16:24Hello, Nighthawk
16:26This is London
16:28Listen carefully
16:30I shall say this only once
16:34Here
16:34Take this to table three
16:38Oh, heck
16:39Here comes trouble
16:40It's not a flick of the Gestapo
16:42Gestapo?
16:44For God's sake, act normally
16:45Oh, I'm acting normally
16:49Always I'm like this with the Gestapo
16:53Welcome, Herr Flick
16:54May I find you a table?
16:56I know where I want to sit
16:58Of course, Herr Flick
17:00Why is it
17:01That when I'm in the room
17:02Everyone stops talking?
17:05It is in case you wish to say anything, Herr Flick
17:08I do
17:09Heil Hitler
17:10Heil Hitler
17:12Well, you can't follow that
17:17Have you found out anything about the missing painting?
17:20No, Herr Flick
17:21Not the smell of it
17:22It is possible the peasants have penetrated your disguise
17:25You must change back into your uniforms
17:28At once, Herr Flick
17:29At once, Herr Flick?
17:29Well, very near
17:31You have heard of the arrival of General von Klinkerhofen?
17:34Yes, Herr Flick
17:35You will meet him tomorrow at the station?
17:38Yes, Herr Flick
17:39He will be inspecting our defences and all the main buildings
17:43Does that include the hospital?
17:45Why do you ask?
17:46Well, in case we have an accident
17:49We wouldn't want to miss him, Herr Flick
17:52He is a ruthless man
17:54The slightest sign of inefficiency
17:57And you will be posted
17:58To the Russian front
18:00If you are lucky
18:02I will go and tidy the office and ensure everything is in order
18:06No!
18:07You will report to my room in one hour
18:10Yes, Herr Flick
18:11May I ask why?
18:12There are perhaps certain things you have not revealed to me
18:18How could I hide anything from those stern, penetrating eyes?
18:23We shall see
18:25Heil Hitler!
18:28Do not be late
18:29No, Herr Flick
18:30What if I am early?
18:31Do not be early, either
18:32Be punctual
18:37Heil Hitler!
18:39Heil Hitler!
18:43Schiller, Claire, clean up that mess
18:47They are good news, Colonel
18:48The uniforms?
18:49They are on their way
18:50And we are going to send back the painting to London
18:53To be copied
18:54I thought they were coming by parachute
18:56No, no
18:56Tonight, a plane will land somewhere in France
19:01What's the use of somewhere in France?
19:03We want it here
19:04Well, this is somewhere in France
19:07But if I told you too much
19:08The resistance would shoot me
19:10We will meet the plane with you
19:12Oh, no, no, no
19:13Dear Colonel, I don't think the resistance would like that
19:16How would you like your cafe blown up
19:19And you and your wife put up against the wall and shut?
19:22You would not do that
19:24No
19:25But Herr Flick would
19:26We might be with you
19:28We will see what can be done
19:29Excuse me, Colonel
19:31You're not going to sing again?
19:33I have a message for Rene
19:36A man has arrived to read the gas meter
19:42Edith, we have no meter because we have no gas
19:46Why do you not stop wasting my time, woman?
19:48Why do you not just say what you mean?
19:51The girl, Michelle, is here from the resistance
19:56A clue at last
19:59I always knew you were helping the resistance
20:02We will arrest this girl
20:03We will make a talk
20:04And we will be heroes with medals
20:07Without uniforms to pin them on
20:10Colonel, that girl is the only person who knows where the plane will land
20:16I see we're in it up to here
20:20That makes it well over my head
20:30Renée
20:30Renée
20:33Renée
20:33Carl
20:40It's all clear, Renée
20:41What's the matter?
20:43Are you frightened?
20:44Well, of course I'm frightened
20:46The countryside is full of hidden dangers
20:49I've just trodden in one
20:52Similar for the other
20:56Do you want to call or something similar?
20:58It's the only small I know
21:00Where did you land a whistle like that?
21:02When she was working in Paris
21:04She had to do something to attract attention
21:11Renée, you did not tell us we would be helping two British officers to escape as well
21:15We are not supposed to do this
21:16They will go back on the plane that brings your uniforms
21:19Then we can all live happily ever after
21:22Fairfax?
21:23What's going on?
21:24I've no idea
21:25Anything's better than that damn wardrobe
21:28Don't move
21:31Michelle, why are you wearing sunglasses?
21:34So these Germans don't recognize me again
21:37Listen, cover carefully, we have a problem
21:39Up the road is a bridge
21:41On the bridge is a German sentry
21:43What?
21:44There's only one thing to do
21:45Go home?
21:47No
21:47These German officers must give the sentry orders to let us post
21:51But we are dressed as onion sellers
21:53You must convince them
21:55Otherwise you do not get your uniforms
22:00Hans, hold my onions
22:27Halt!
22:28I am Colonel von Sturm, Town Commandant
22:33Stand to the edge when I speak to you
22:35Why are you dressed as a smelly peasant?
22:38In business
22:39Where are your papers?
22:47She has killed him
22:48No
22:49He's just unconscious
22:51Renée, we are German officers
22:54We cannot be a party to knocking out our own troops
22:57But Colonel, he was the one who hit you with his rifle butt
23:02So he did
23:04Thug
23:05That is the plan
23:08It will land in the next field
23:11This way
23:27Here it is
23:28I'll give you a signal
23:39Have you given the signal?
23:40He is coming in now
23:41Stand by
24:06Come on
24:07Don't waste time
24:22Hello
24:22Is this the right place?
24:24The Englishman
24:25Thank God
24:27Where are the uniforms?
24:28I will ask him
24:29I say, old chap
24:31Do you have the uniforms?
24:33Better than that
24:34I bought the tailor
24:35Good evening, everyone
24:37My name is Clyde
24:38From Solomon and Clyde
24:40I have the customer suits right here
24:41Perhaps the Colonel would like to try his jacket first
24:44I say, Castellers
24:51This kite's only got two seats
24:53I expect the tailor staying behind
24:56And we can sit on each other's lap on his seat
24:59Perhaps I on top
25:03Oh dear
25:03Sir has put on a bit of weight, hasn't he?
25:06Where do you wear your holster?
25:08On the right or on the left?
25:10These shoulders are very wide
25:11Yes
25:12The shoulders seem awfully wide
25:14Don't worry
25:15Don't worry
25:15They're coming back
25:19You should have kept your mouth shut
25:20What are you doing?
25:23Don't worry
25:23It's only a fitting
25:24Now
25:25What time can Sir Manager
25:26Next week?
25:28I think we go back
25:29And you stay behind
25:30And finish the suits
25:31Are you mad?
25:33It's Ascot week
25:34The workroom's chock-a-block
25:36Right
25:37Off we go then, chaps
25:39Quick
25:39Give him the painting
25:43Don't forget
25:44We want a copy of this
25:45Right-o
25:51No touch
26:06Well
26:07It looks to me that we have to meet
26:09General von Klinkerhofen in our pajamas
26:22The workroom's chock-a-block
27:20The workroom's chock-a-block
27:50The workroom's chock-a-block
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