- 2 days ago
Allo Allo S01E04 - The Execution
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00:24You are probably wondering what I am doing behind a tree.
00:29Well, I will tell you, but listen very carefully, because I shall say this only once.
00:34You will remember that I own a café which is being used by the resistance for hiding escaping British airmen.
00:42Well, everybody seems to know about this except my wife's mother and the Gestapo,
00:47and up to now I've had a better relationship with the Gestapo.
00:50Now, those two men disguised as scarecrows are in fact British airmen.
00:56Those two onion sellers are none other than the German town commandant, Colonel von Strom, and his assistant, Captain Leary.
01:05Now, they look unhappy for two reasons.
01:10First, their new uniforms, which are being made to replace the old ones which they lent the British airmen,
01:15who, when they thought they were going to be captured by other Germans and interrogated as conspirators,
01:19set fire to them and burned them to a crisp.
01:21You are with me so far?
01:22Did not fit, and are now on their way back to London by tiger moth.
01:28The second reason?
01:30The uniforms are being made in London by a Jewish tailor, which is against the rules in the German.
01:37Oh, and the Gestapo are also looking for a painting of the fallen Madonna with the big, um, German clump.
01:45This is also winging its way across the channel,
01:48in order that a copy can be made so that the original can become the personal property of the colonel,
01:54who is as bent as a cockscrew.
01:57What happens next?
01:59First, your guess is as good as mine.
02:01Why me?
02:04What?
02:06We have much to do.
02:08The Germans may have heard the plan.
02:10We did.
02:12It's the other German troops under my command.
02:15Who will shoot us if they catch us with this lot?
02:18These are the orders for our next move.
02:20From here, we go north.
02:23But if you don't mind my saying so, my cafe is south.
02:27The railway is north.
02:28But we could walk home.
02:30Why take a train?
02:31Of course, we have to blow up the railway.
02:33What?
02:34What are we going to do with these German swine?
02:38We shall have to take them with us.
02:40What use are they?
02:41If anyone is interested, I took a course in explosives.
02:45Once, we are German officers.
02:48Part of the great army that is winning the war.
02:51We do not help the resistance to blow up our supply lines.
02:56On the other hand, if General von Klinkerhofen finds out that we have lent our uniforms to the British airmen
03:02to help them escape,
03:03we will be in dead schtuck.
03:06What are you trying to say?
03:08Oh.
03:09Well, if we help them blow up the railway, von Klinkerhofen's train will not arrive, so we won't have to
03:15meet it, so we won't have to wear our uniforms, so he won't know that we haven't got them.
03:20And if you don't cooperate, we will shoot you and add your corpses in the cups.
03:27Oh, well, and you're winning the law?
03:31What's one railway?
03:34Follow me.
03:53I am here in obedience to your orders, Herr Flick.
03:57You are quite punctual.
03:59Only twelve seconds late.
04:01Come in.
04:02Stand over there.
04:04Yes, Herr Flick.
04:15We do not wish to be disturbed, do we?
04:18You don't take any chances, Herr Flick.
04:25That all depends.
04:27Go into the next chamber.
04:40We are trembling.
04:42Are you afraid of me?
04:44The streets are cold.
04:46But you are also perspiring.
04:48Your room is hot.
04:49The room is 62.5 degrees.
04:53This is not hot.
04:54I can hide nothing from you, Herr Flick.
04:57I'm trembling with uncertainty and perspiring with anticipation.
05:02This is not unusual.
05:04Take off your jacket.
05:06Yes, Herr Flick.
05:14On the bed.
05:17In your jacket.
05:24Let down your hair.
05:26Yes, Herr Flick.
05:34Anything else?
05:36Not yet.
05:39Sit down.
05:53The colonel is behaving strangely.
05:56Do you think he will find the painting of the fallen Madonna with the big boobies?
06:02It's hard to say.
06:04The whole thing is in the air at the moment.
06:08Are you telling me the truth?
06:09I promise.
06:10I swear on my honor, you can do what you like to me.
06:13We shall come to that later.
06:31Come with me.
06:32Bring the Germans.
06:32Yvette, you come too.
06:42Stand by for a quick getaway.
06:53The railway line runs in that cutting.
06:56Look, do you really need me?
06:58I have had no experience in this sort of thing.
07:02All I have ever blown up is a balloon.
07:05You will take these speds.
07:07What are these speds for?
07:09To take an hole under the slipper for the explosives.
07:12What?
07:12Follow me.
07:15What's going on, Fairfax?
07:17Can't be gardening at this time of night.
07:20Speaking for myself, I'm jolly frightened.
07:22Me too.
07:26Dig an hole under the slipper.
07:28Here.
07:29Yvette, you have the explosives I have in struck to my thigh.
07:35You are very brave, Yvette.
07:37I know.
07:38If you had tripped, that cork could have put an end to everything.
07:43I have been thinking of nothing else.
07:47There is a lot missing.
07:48Ah, yes.
07:49Well, you see, my wife gave some to my mother-in-law and quite a lot to the chickens.
07:54You fool.
07:56Can I trust you with nothing?
07:57There might not be enough to blow up the train.
07:59Oh, well, in that case, do not let us waste time.
08:02Let's go home.
08:04Wait here with the Germans.
08:05I will crash the lorry onto the line.
08:08That and the explosives will stop the train.
08:11Once you get an idea into your head, you don't let go, do you?
08:15Let's go home.
08:19I am sorry for the delay, Colonel.
08:21A little technical matter, you understand?
08:23Well, at least we can have a drink while we're waiting.
08:26No.
08:27That is not gin.
08:29What is it?
08:30It's nitroglycerine.
08:33Nitro...
08:44Hans, you fool.
08:46You've blown up the railway.
08:49Isn't that what we're here for?
08:51Get down.
08:52They're shooting at the...
08:57No, it's the guards.
08:59They're shooting at the lorry.
09:12I say, it's all good, isn't it?
09:22We surrender.
09:24We surrender.
09:25Don't shoot.
09:27You think this would be a good time to tell them we are German officers?
09:30It would have been if you hadn't just blown up the railway.
09:37Good evening.
09:40You're probably wondering what I am doing here.
09:45It is, René, Yvette.
09:49Oh, will nobody attend to me?
09:54Coming, Mama.
09:57What is Monsieur Leclerc doing in your bed?
10:01Well, he was sleeping in the cellar.
10:05It is very windy down there.
10:08It's not much better up here.
10:13Why have I been left alone so long?
10:17Well, I had a headache.
10:22I was talking to my daughter.
10:26The Germans have arrested René.
10:28He's in the nick.
10:30He will be shot.
10:31Oh, I always knew it.
10:33His eyes are too close together.
10:36You should have married the butcher.
10:40He'll like you.
10:42Every time you pass his shop, he wave at you with his chopper.
10:49I have to think of a plan to rescue him.
10:53Monsieur Leclerc.
10:54Huh?
10:54You have been in prison many times.
10:57Can you help me?
10:58Of course, madame.
11:00I can help you.
11:01I have been in many French nicks.
11:08Always gigolo.
11:11I am ready, madame.
11:13Lead on.
11:13I will follow.
11:22Look at it how you feel.
11:24This is a very serious situation.
11:28Colonel, surely you know somebody who could order our release.
11:31There is only one person who could order our release.
11:35Who?
11:36Me.
11:43René.
11:43Huh?
11:44If they shoot us, at least I will die by your side.
11:47If you died in front of me, I'd have a better chance.
11:52René.
11:52You do love me, don't you?
11:54Of course I love you, Yvette.
11:56Of course.
11:57Oh, René.
11:59What do you think it will be like in Everton?
12:02Well, I don't suppose they'll let us do this for a star.
12:06Only the French would have boys and girls in the same cell.
12:15Helga, how did you get up there?
12:17I am standing on a peasant.
12:21Have you come to get us out?
12:22No, but I have your uniforms back from the cleaners.
12:26Where are they?
12:27In the office, ready for you when you get out.
12:29But how do we get out?
12:32Here is a hexal for the bars.
12:34Ah!
12:36Even without bars, I can't get through this little window.
12:39I could.
12:40Yes, but you can't sign the orders.
12:42You're not senior enough.
12:43I could forge your signature.
12:45I have done it before.
12:46Oh!
12:47Now it's all coming out.
12:50General von...
12:52Stand still!
12:56General von Klinkhofen is arriving by car.
12:59He's most displeased.
13:01Somebody's blown up the railway.
13:02It was him.
13:04Telltale.
13:06I must go.
13:07Somebody's coming.
13:09Ah!
13:10Don't be round!
13:15As you are no doubt all going to be shot,
13:18you will no doubt wish to see a priest.
13:20Come this way.
13:22If I have a boy
13:23When the helmet of highway went down
13:28He took a nun of woo-woo-wee
13:33And when the horse were pinting down
13:37He was and glazing
13:41It is I, LeClaire.
13:44Well, I never would have guessed.
13:47What do you want?
13:48I bring you good news.
13:50Shh!
13:51Your mother-in-law and your wife
13:53Are coming to see you.
13:55This is good news?
13:57Also,
13:58I have for you
14:01Concealed on my purse.
14:04The axe-o.
14:06We already have an axe-o,
14:08You silly old fool.
14:09In that case, my son,
14:12Up yours.
14:18I have given them my blessing.
14:20Let me out.
14:24Bless you.
14:25And you.
14:26And you.
14:32Here.
14:33Highness.
14:34Oh, and mother.
14:39You have more visitors.
14:47Why are you putting me in here
14:50With these smelly peasants?
14:53To say goodbye to your son-in-law.
14:56Goodbye.
14:57Let us get out.
15:03Oh, René.
15:04Not now, Edith.
15:06Yes.
15:07We have a plan.
15:09Good.
15:09What is it?
15:14We are up to here with axe-o.
15:17I am down to there with axe-o.
15:22But Michelle's plan.
15:24Now listen carefully.
15:25She said this only once.
15:29There are more.
15:31Isn't it, Fairfax?
15:33I was just thinking.
15:35If the Jerry's find us dressed in civvies,
15:38It'll take quite a lot of explaining.
15:41If they found us in bed with each other,
15:44It would take even more explaining.
15:49Castez.
15:50Oh?
15:51Are you a grammar school boy?
15:53How do you know?
15:57Wearing your socks in bed.
16:05Come along.
16:07Time is up.
16:09Time to go home, Mama.
16:25Edith, I do not wish to nitpick,
16:27But why could not Yvette and I have escaped?
16:29I mean, what kind of a plan is it
16:31That leaves me still in the cooler?
16:33It was Michelle's plan.
16:35The Colonel, once he's back in his office,
16:38Will sign the papers for your release.
16:40And what if he doesn't?
16:42Then Michelle will tell the Gestapo
16:44That it was the Colonel
16:45Who nicked the painting of the Fall of Madonna
16:47With the big boobies.
16:49What do you think, René?
16:51I once heard a proverb
16:53About the best laid plans of mice and men.
16:57This plan was definitely laid by a mouse.
17:01You can say that again.
17:04If it should go wrong, René,
17:06I shall be by your side.
17:09And as it is a game,
17:10I shall sing the Matthias.
17:13Then I hope they are quick on the trigger.
17:19Well, Hans, it's good to be back in the uniform.
17:23We are very lucky to get out of that jail.
17:26You were very convincing as René's 85-year-old mother-in-law.
17:30You were very good as my daughter.
17:32I have good legs.
17:35The prisoner is outside.
17:37Good.
17:38Bring him in.
17:40Bring him inside!
17:53Right.
17:54You're dismissed.
17:55Oh.
18:00René, my old friend,
18:02Take a chair.
18:09Make yourself comfortable.
18:11You are most kind, Colonel.
18:14After all, we are all in this together.
18:16Well, I think some of us are in a little deeper.
18:20Colonel, not get rid of these things now.
18:22Not until I've signed the release form.
18:24I have a pen in my pocket here.
18:27Really, we must proceed cautiously.
18:29This morning already I have signed
18:31for the release of your wife and mother-in-law.
18:34And Yvette.
18:35And Yvette.
18:35He signed hers first.
18:39Shut up, Hans.
18:40We have to show someone to General von Klinkerhofen.
18:43Well, what happens when he has seen me?
18:45We will tell him you are a very small potato.
18:48And that they're going to shoot you or something.
18:51I'll hand you over to the Gestapo.
18:53And then he will go away.
18:55And all will be well.
18:57I expect you feel very relieved.
18:59Well, up to a point.
19:02General von Klinkerhofen is here.
19:04Von Klinkerhofen is here.
19:06What?
19:07That's loose.
19:10Really, my friend.
19:11We may have to insult you a little.
19:14Go, you pig and dog and that sort of thing.
19:16Dear Colonel, feel free.
19:21General von Klinkerhofen.
19:29Herr Hitler.
19:30Herr Hitler.
19:31Klopp.
19:34So, this is the ringleader.
19:37No, the ringleader escaped.
19:40This is just a poor, unfortunate peasant
19:42who was dragged in against his will.
19:45What he says is perfectly true.
19:47I am a small potato.
19:50Silence, you dog.
19:52Pig.
19:56Can you talk with him?
20:11What are the names of the other men in the court?
20:14Oh, let me think.
20:16He doesn't know.
20:17We've been through all that.
20:18Pig.
20:21He knows nothing.
20:23I think we should release him.
20:25I do not agree.
20:27I think he should be executed as an example.
20:33Don't you think that's a little drastic, Colonel?
20:36Quiet, hyena.
20:38I must remember that.
20:41You'll be shot at dawn.
20:43Of course.
20:44Yes, I will supervise it personally.
20:46Good.
20:47How does seven o'clock suit you?
20:49Later would be better for me.
20:52Quiet, ding, dog.
20:54Hyena.
20:56Frog face.
21:01I shall be there to see it done.
21:06Heil Hitler.
21:07Heil Hitler.
21:08Klopp.
21:14He has departed.
21:16Colonel.
21:17If you don't get me out of this,
21:18well, I shall be forced to reveal
21:20how you stole the painting,
21:22how you lent your uniforms to the British Airmen
21:24to help them escape,
21:25and how you blew up the railway.
21:26I did not blow up the railway.
21:28He blew up the railway.
21:29How will we get in this mess?
21:32I have an idea.
21:34We will give to the firing party
21:37wooden bullets.
21:39How is this an improvement?
21:42Wooden bullets disintegrate
21:44ten foot from the muzzles of the rifles.
21:47I see.
21:48How close do they stand?
21:50Not as close as that.
21:52Providing it is not foggy.
21:56Well, tell me,
21:57what happens when they fire?
21:59You fall down.
22:01Do you really think it is safe?
22:04Well, we won't know for sure
22:06until you get up again.
22:13I've come to see the prisoner
22:15to say my last farewell.
22:17So many goodbyes.
22:18You are number six.
22:20This way.
22:24Yet another visitor for you.
22:26Maria!
22:28Oh, Rene!
22:30Five minutes only.
22:31Maria.
22:35Oh, my little cabbage.
22:39Oh, Rene, my big pass nip.
22:43Oh, it is so comforting
22:44to hold you in my arms again.
22:46Rene, Rene.
22:47I have something for you.
22:49I have something for you, too,
22:50but you go first.
22:53I will never let
22:54the firing squad shoot you.
22:57Take this ring.
22:59You think I can bribe them?
23:01He said there is a pin.
23:04Take it between
23:05those strong white teeth
23:06and crush it
23:08and you will be gone.
23:10This is not the kind of escape
23:11I had in mind.
23:13Oh, but you must use it
23:15of all their spells.
23:16I promise.
23:17There is only one more thing
23:19I can give you.
23:21Oh, Maria.
23:23No, there's no time for that.
23:26What is there time for, then?
23:27What is it?
23:29A axon.
23:32Oh, it is still warm.
23:59Oh, it is still warm.
24:22I don't want to be difficult, but could you boost that just a little more slowly, please?
24:29Did you get the dummy bullets?
24:30Yes, here they are.
24:32They look exactly like the real bullets.
24:34Yes, I brought the real ones to show you.
24:36Morning, Colonel.
24:37Morning.
24:38Morning, Captain.
24:39Morning.
24:40Sad occasion.
24:41Yes, but the dog deserves it.
24:44Pig!
24:45Ah, the bullets.
24:50Fants.
24:51He's taken both boxes.
24:53What if he loads the real bullets into the rifles?
24:56Oh, dear.
24:57Do you think we should warn Rene?
25:00There's no point in worrying him.
25:02He has a lot on his mind.
25:08Sergeant, here are the bullets.
25:10Loads are rifles.
25:13Board!
25:20All prepared?
25:22Everything is going according to plan.
25:24Very nearly.
25:26You can't waste time.
25:27I have to leave.
25:28Oh.
25:28It is cold.
25:32Why have you brought me here?
25:36The angels are going to take my husband away.
25:40The last time it was believed.
25:51This is a very sad occasion for me, Rene.
25:54Yes, I feel the same way, Lefton.
25:57Oh, you're French.
25:58You are so brave.
26:00Your mother-in-law has not shed one single tear.
26:03This, I believe.
26:05What about my wife?
26:07She is like a rock.
26:09She says she is going to sing the Marseillaise.
26:12You wish a blindfold?
26:14Ear plugs would be better.
26:17May I shake your hand?
26:19Of course.
26:21You'll find it around the back.
26:28Can we get on with this, please?
26:31Oh, I nearly forgot.
26:40So they have something to aim at.
26:43You Germans, such sticklers for accuracy.
26:50Why?
27:00Now?
27:01No.
27:03I will give you the signal.
27:09Is that it?
27:11No.
27:12I am composing myself.
27:16Frontreich.
27:17Neal!
27:20Present your rifles.
27:26Now.
27:28One, two, three, four.
27:38Ready?
27:46Pick him!
27:50Next time...
27:54an amlet half to float around all the vile.
28:00Our blood shall not be shed in...
28:03Why have we stopped?
28:06It is over.
28:09Good.
28:11Let that be a lesson to you.
28:14The relatives may remove the body.
28:16Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler!
28:19They may have scottled to my car.
28:28Do you think he is all right?
28:30If he is, it will be Greeks on the house.
28:34If not, we find another cafe.
28:45My poor poor brother.
28:51He is still alive. He is trying to speak.
28:57Irene, are you in pain?
29:00Keep quiet. These may be his last brave words.
29:04Listen carefully. I shall say this only once.
29:11My bum is on a thistle.
29:15laughter
29:20applause
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