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00:00:06oh come on what's keeping her you know the queen sire never on time for anything well
00:00:11this is the last time she'll keep me waiting i promise you yes indeed sire unless she's late
00:00:16for her own funeral oh blimey what a time to have one of her throats well she always was a
00:00:25weekly
00:00:26woman sire you're telling me once weekly every time i felt like it was oh not tonight dear i got
00:00:31a
00:00:31headache i got a bellyache no wonder your majesty did not consummate the marriage yeah marvelous in
00:00:36it after six months of married life the only thing i'm having off is her head
00:00:43nice day for it your majesty our lady wind good crowd too thank you my lord cardinal but i feel
00:00:51we can dispense with the commentary
00:01:07i can manage thank you cardinal don't want you to trip and hurt yourself ma'am
00:01:40do you henry take this woman too i do and so does she right now that's it through that
00:01:51the figure's all right what about her face oh i am assured sire to the fairest in all normandy
00:01:57what about her uh fullest in all normandy has she been chased all over normandy
00:02:03ah but i am assured never caught call me right o'clock very well next thursday
00:02:16oh hello oh who are you permit me to introduce myself madam sir roger de lodgely oh how do you
00:02:27do
00:02:28the king's personal equity madam and already your most devoted admirer how nice may i thank you
00:02:37other one spend it and one more for luck splendid splendid but if i might suggest just a little more
00:02:50oh perfect perfect i can be a one when i want yes i thought you might be one now madam
00:02:57as regards your
00:02:58actual duties sir roger you seem to forget i was brought up at the french court in fact i had
00:03:04an
00:03:04excellent position there oh i know and i hear the french position is very good
00:03:13still here i see sir roger i was instructing her majesty in procedure your grace thank you very
00:03:19much sir roger that'd be fine thank you i uh trust everything is to your satisfaction your grace i'll let
00:03:24you know later well uh you won't want that will you what that hey oh no of course not no
00:03:28thank you
00:03:29i suppose you're anxious to bed your queen naturally well if you should want anything
00:03:34i'm only next door i don't think we'll trouble you further tonight sir roger
00:03:44now's my beautiful queen then well and eager to please my lord good
00:03:50well here we go oh just one moment me lord there is something i must do first
00:03:55hey oh yes right well i'll just go and wash my hands
00:04:25well all done then yes my lord i have waited for this moment for so long
00:04:33oh blimey well what is it what else my lord that smell what have you been eating smell oh it
00:04:39is merely
00:04:40garlic garlic yes it is an old custom in normandy i adore it and taken regularly no germs will come
00:04:48near one i don't blame them not only that it is said to greatly increase one's sexual appetite
00:04:54i got news for you come in the morning you're going to be starving why what means my lord nothing
00:05:00just don't bother to make any more hairdressing appointments roger roger sir roger
00:05:07come come my lord cardinal a glass of wine to celebrate
00:05:14he ran my lord ah yes mistress scrub wine for myself and my lord cardinal oh yes my lord
00:05:34will that be all my lord
00:05:36will that be all my lord before the norms oh oh your eminence
00:05:42come let us drink to the king's marriage and an early issue you will not drink after you my lord
00:05:50my dear cardinal you surely don't suspect that i your friend would have poisoned your wine
00:05:57many in our position have enemies everywhere one cannot be too careful there satisfied
00:06:09to issue issue oh fall down oh my god
00:06:14well well waltzy where are you you laggards oh methinks the issue is already in doubt
00:06:22i'll have your bleeding heads for this why sire what is wrong is not this mating successful successful as
00:06:29far as the queen is concerned i've had it oh well it's all right then will you shut up and
00:06:34listen
00:06:34she has got to go go but but why why because it turns out that her most gracious majesty marie
00:06:41queen of england wife of the defender of the faith is also a butcher of the garlic garlic what is
00:06:46garlic a small bulb bearing plant of the onion family used extensively by the french i don't give a
00:06:52damn what it is all i know is i have one fun of it and my ambition wilted but this
00:06:56need not be a
00:06:57serious problem sire i'm sure if the cardinal here were to have a word with her majesty oh yes yes
00:07:03of
00:07:04course i'll go immediately i am confident he will be able to persuade her to give up this odious habit
00:07:08sire probably but i doubt i'll ever fancy it again uh pardon this intrusion madam but i i come on
00:07:20a
00:07:20matter of some urgency oh not at all my lord we are pleased to receive you it was all going
00:07:29marvellously
00:07:30there she was lying in bed waiting for it i said to myself at last this is it harry boy
00:07:34i'm just about
00:07:35to grab her and poof right in the kiffer oh but don't upset yourself sire pray be seated have a
00:07:43goblet of wine i can tell you it will make your spirits rise i need more than wine to make
00:07:48anything
00:07:48rise now i can tell nonsense sire come drink and it is rather a special one
00:07:59what did she say no no she refuses to give it up refuses that settles it get her an old
00:08:05an old what
00:08:06sire annull the marriage you fool oh i'm afraid that would be out of the question your majesty when
00:08:13the pope will be livid what's he got to do with him when this match was announced he publicly declared
00:08:18that it would be very bad for a man to have six wives how would he know he's never tried
00:08:23it uh if i may
00:08:25be permitted to make a suggestion your grace this is no time to start getting suggestive sir roger
00:08:29i was merely going to say if she refuses to give it up you could easily take preventative measures
00:08:34against the unpleasant odor yourself are you suggesting that i the greatest monarch that
00:08:39england has ever known should stoop to stuffing cotton wool at meuta nothing so drastic sire but
00:08:45i happen to know that if one also eats the garlic the smell is unnoticeable do you mean me give
00:08:51in to
00:08:52her never never not on your nelly no i've met up my mind annull the marriage but sire the only
00:08:59way
00:08:59a marriage can be a null is if they haven't you know if you do yes come on spit it
00:09:03out to put it
00:09:05bluntly sire did you consume it did i what consume it has the marriage been consumed i fancy he means
00:09:19consummated sire the verb consume means to eat that's all you know in my dictionaries is to eat
00:09:25or to have a nibble not that kind of nibble you're great fat head but don't call me a fat
00:09:29head you're
00:09:29steamy reindeer the two of you the answer is no i have neither eaten consumed or had a nibble so
00:09:35just
00:09:35you make absolutely sure that you get rid of her by the time i get back but wait wait your
00:09:40majesty your
00:09:41majesty's going somewhere yes hunting oh nice what for something to eat i'm starving this is terrible
00:09:51terrible i cannot risk disfavor with the vatican again nor i with france marie is their king's
00:09:57favorite cousin it would seem we must unite my lord to keep this marriage alive of course but how by
00:10:04procrastination what if he has that he'll never be able to have an issue oh dear you really must get
00:10:10another dictionary card alone
00:10:41it's only me oh i thought it might be the king alas madam he's been called out on state business
00:10:49i just popped in to see if there was anything you wanted oh yes there is sir roger
00:10:56but i doubt if you could supply it oh no oh what a delightful odor can it be garlic
00:11:07why yes do you like it then sir roger everyone should have it oh well here help yourself thank you
00:11:22ah that's better so now to work why sir roger what are you about i'm undressing madam but to what
00:11:31end
00:11:31oh didn't you know as the king's taster i have to try everything before he does
00:11:37oh
00:11:52oh
00:11:53oh
00:11:53Come on.
00:12:33He thinks we have found well today, Your Majesty.
00:12:35Will you stop calling me Your Majesty?
00:12:36Remember, at this sport, I'm always incognito.
00:12:38Of course. Will we wait for you, sire?
00:12:40No, I'll find my own way back. This may take time.
00:12:43Oh, good hunting, sire.
00:12:45Thank you. I'll save the brush for you.
00:12:46Walk on.
00:13:12Well, well, well, me pretty.
00:13:16Don't be frightened.
00:13:17Who are you?
00:13:18And what do you want?
00:13:19Just a hunter looking for some sport.
00:13:21You look like a gentleman to me.
00:13:23Don't let the clothes fool you. Come here. Come here. Come here.
00:13:27Hey, not so far, sire. I don't even know your name.
00:13:30Oh, call me Henry.
00:13:32Henry, eh? Same as that miserable sot who rules us.
00:13:36Miserable what?
00:13:38Sot.
00:13:38Oh, sot. Oh, he's quite a nice fellow, really.
00:13:41Oh? You want to hear my dad go on about him?
00:13:43The way he keeps screwing us on taxes.
00:13:46Whatever else he does, I can assure you it's not screwing.
00:13:49My dad says hanging's too good for him.
00:13:51He'd like to see him fry in his own fat.
00:13:54Really? I must meet your dad sometime.
00:13:56I'd like to swap recipes with him.
00:13:58My dad says him and old Cromwell are a right pretty pair.
00:14:02Not half as pretty as the one I'm looking at.
00:14:04Oh, no, you don't.
00:14:05Oh, come on. We're not in the age just to look for needles, are we?
00:14:08That's all very well.
00:14:09But what am I going to get?
00:14:12What are you going to get?
00:14:13What do you normally get?
00:14:14You know what I mean.
00:14:16People are prepared to pay handsomely for my favours.
00:14:20Oh, blimey.
00:14:21Here, I've only got a two-shellip piece.
00:14:25Oh, I haven't got any change.
00:14:28Don't worry, darling.
00:14:30You can owe it to me.
00:14:40Aren't your hands rough?
00:14:42Eh?
00:14:43Oh, hang on.
00:14:43I'll take off my gauntlets.
00:14:45Oh, you don't waste much time, do you?
00:14:51Oh, blimey.
00:14:51Why should I?
00:14:52How many petticoats have you got?
00:14:54Blimey, it's like peeling an antichoke.
00:14:57Ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:15:00Ha, ha, ha.
00:15:03Ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:15:06So that's the way of it.
00:15:08You varmint.
00:15:09I'll kill you.
00:15:11Hang on, just a minute.
00:15:11It's me dad.
00:15:13Idiot.
00:15:13Blimey, blimey.
00:15:14Now, just a minute.
00:15:15Before you do anything that you're going to regret, let me tell you who you're talking
00:15:18to.
00:15:18I happen to be your dad, did you, son?
00:15:21Yes.
00:15:21Go on.
00:15:23You're what?
00:15:23I'm off.
00:15:24Give me my money back!
00:15:31Oh, glimey, in it again.
00:15:40You may be seated.
00:15:47Are their Majesties not coming to dinner?
00:15:50I doubt it. The King is still away hunting
00:15:52and the Queen has vowed to remain in her room
00:15:56until she's no longer a virgin.
00:15:58Poor dear woman.
00:15:59Perhaps I could do something to get her down.
00:16:02By way of verbal persuasion, I mean.
00:16:04Any kind of persuasion from you would get anybody down.
00:16:08No, let us stay there and stew in our own juice.
00:16:10Her most gracious Majesty, Queen Marie.
00:16:14Good Lord.
00:16:22Good evening, my Lord Chancellor.
00:16:24Your Majesty, this is an unexpected surprise.
00:16:26We've not had the pleasure of your company for a meal as yet.
00:16:30No, I've been having it in my room with Sir Roger.
00:16:32He persuaded me to come down.
00:16:34Oh, well, Your Majesty, all I can say is your loss is our gain.
00:16:39Thank you. The King is not home yet?
00:16:41Still away, ma'am, on urgent business.
00:16:44State affairs, you understand.
00:16:46Excellent.
00:16:47Then, Sir Roger, it is my wish that you be seated here beside me.
00:16:51Oh, la, madam.
00:16:52No, that is the King's place.
00:16:54Merci, Sir Roger.
00:16:55You did not show the same reluctance to take his place earlier.
00:17:01Her Majesty, jest, of course.
00:17:03With your permission, I will take my usual seat.
00:17:05Oh, do as I say and shut up.
00:17:07Are you seated, ladies and gentlemen?
00:17:18Hmm.
00:17:20Magnus.
00:17:22A drink, ma'am.
00:17:24I can heartily recommend the porter here.
00:17:28Really?
00:17:29Then do send him up to my room later.
00:17:33You're not eating?
00:17:34With your permission, ma'am.
00:17:49you do not find it appetizing oh yes madam but it has a somewhat unusual flavor oh that'll be
00:17:56the garlic i sent orders to the kitchen to have it put in everything
00:18:04i felt it might be a step toward converting the king
00:18:09his majesty the king
00:18:12ah my dear devoted husband has returned
00:18:30she stunk the whole place out with it
00:18:33haven't you got rid of her yet a slight technical hitch your majesty i shall explain later that'll be good
00:18:47all right carry on
00:18:51i'm starving what's good grummel oh i wouldn't recommend anything tonight sire if i were you i'd just have a
00:18:58cup of tea and a bun in your room
00:18:59don't be ridiculous looks very tasty especially the roast peacock definitely not up to standard sire it's all
00:19:06that's exactly how i like it
00:19:16so roger has tasted it i suppose oh yes as a matter of fact he's tried everything
00:19:33i want her out of here now do not worry i am leaving good but to go to my bed
00:19:38chamber where in due course i shall expect you to join me
00:19:41me join you you'll be lucky if i am not lucky me lord you may be sure my cousin king
00:19:46francis will learn
00:19:46of it she threatened me did you hear that get the executioner i beg you sire do nothing now that
00:19:51you may regret later we can ill afford to fight france are you trying to tell me that they will
00:19:56declare war on me if i don't better wars have been fought over less sire
00:20:12the thing to do sire is to play for time act the part of a loving husband impossible you don't
00:20:18have
00:20:19to enjoy it sire simply go through the motions how can i go through the motions without doing anything
00:20:24yes that's true it would seem the queen has got you by the well-known chandeliers exactly
00:20:31and if i do better will she won't be able to get the annulment will he yes well that is
00:20:34liable to
00:20:35take time your majesty i haven't got time i need another wife yes well perhaps in the meantime you
00:20:41could make some other arrangements sire what other arrangements like taking a mistress i am the king
00:20:48with a proud family motto to uphold non crapito sum genuine never spit on your own doorstep but my lord
00:20:56cardinal is right sire we must step cautiously don't tell me how do you think we got the motto
00:21:03no i mean a hasty divorce would be disastrous sire besides there is no immediate hurry for you to marry
00:21:09again is there no tomorrow will do i suppose tomorrow has your majesty already got a new
00:21:14queen in mind well i haven't had time to look around yet have i if you could keep the queen
00:21:19amused for a while just keep her mind off it she's a french woman their minds are never off it
00:21:25there
00:21:26must be something else you could do together i have it yes what there's that new game that's all
00:21:31the rage in the court at the moment yes what do they call it now oh yes tiddlywinks tiddlywinks it's
00:21:40just an idea well it was a lousy one cannot you understand that i want something to keep me away
00:21:45from her until you get the annulment ah that gives me an idea sire there is one sure way by
00:21:53which she
00:21:53would never suspect that you were trying to avoid you know yes yes yes what suppose there were to be
00:21:58a plot against you suppose you would be abducted from her bedchamber before her very eyes that's
00:22:05it that's it but who do we get to do the abducting it has to be somebody discreet and trustworthy
00:22:09i have
00:22:10the very man in mind sire one of your majesty's most loyal supporters lord hampton of wick that's it
00:22:16go to it cromwell ah sire but you must go to the queen's bedchamber now yes yes i suppose i
00:22:23must
00:22:31the things i do for england
00:22:35right gentlemen we are agreed that for the good of england henry must go but how
00:22:44how is it to be accomplished i've had one idea lord hampton you see i have these barrels of gunpowder
00:22:52and if we could smuggle them into parliament when he opens the next session and blow the lot up an
00:22:58excellent notion folks but you overlook one small detail we all sit in parliament
00:23:06who is that i thomas cromwell cromwell quickly
00:23:19my lord chancellor this is indeed an honor yes having a meeting hampton just the usual friday night sewing
00:23:38circle my lord
00:23:40interesting you like the designs yes but not as much as those that you have on the king's life
00:23:46what my lord i know not what you talk about really then you won't be interested to learn the king
00:23:51has
00:23:52expressed a wish to be forcibly abducted tonight he's what purely to suit his own ends of course
00:24:01i thought you might like the job well of course i would be honored but what about the palace guards
00:24:07he has already removed them i see and after he has been abducted well that's up to you of course
00:24:13accidents
00:24:14will happen no no no you're not doing it properly i know how to do it well look like like
00:24:23this look see
00:24:25now you have a go into that bowl are you sure this is really an old english pre-mating ritual
00:24:31of course
00:24:32it is it's traditional before you can mate properly you have to get one in i thought everybody knew that
00:24:38oh very well then
00:24:42i've done it you cheated i didn't you saw
00:24:48so you can come to bed with me now can't you uh no you have to tittle first i have
00:24:52tiddled no no no
00:24:54that was winking look when we began you told me i had to tittle into the pot you have to
00:25:00wink
00:25:01in and tittle out oh well right then there satisfied very good very good indeed yes well
00:25:09that's one game to you right we'll start again first one to get 20 in right 20 we'll be at
00:25:15it all
00:25:15night not if i can help us well i've had enough oh what'd you do that for you can't fool
00:25:21me henry
00:25:22tudor you are deliberately trying to avoid getting into bed with me how could you possibly get an idea
00:25:28like that i'm just putting it off that's all the great moment i mean oh well while you are putting
00:25:36it off i will just write a note to my cousin francis the king of france yes well perhaps we
00:25:44have waited
00:25:55long enough we won't be needing that will we where are you going now empty the pack leave it to
00:26:02the servants
00:26:19well there we are then what shall we do now what shall we do yes any ideas what did you
00:26:28do with all
00:26:28your other wives in bed ah let me think now then uh with old jane we used to play naughts
00:26:33and crosses
00:26:35naughts and crosses yes i kept giving her naught and she got cross
00:26:39here that reminds me have i told you about me otherwise oh yes i can't wait to hear about them
00:26:49you see all guards removed i'll leave you now but remember i know nothing of tonight's venture
00:26:56one moment my lord i would also like your word that if anything goes wrong you will not divulge our
00:27:03real
00:27:03intent you have my hand on it and may good fortune attend on you henry tudor i do not wish
00:27:13to hear
00:27:14about your past wives oh come now you're only saying that to make me feel better but it wouldn't be
00:27:19right for us to start our married life without you knowing about the others would it no now where was
00:27:24i
00:27:25number two
00:27:34now let's see that brings us to number four that's enough henry are you going to behave like a proper
00:27:40husband to me or not yes of course did well then you can save all that i call upon you
00:27:49to surrender
00:27:50without a struggle you'll be lucky that's what i've been trying to get him to do all night what
00:27:54reason is this it's a plot against me i'm about to be abducted how do you know well it's obvious
00:27:59isn't it they didn't come here to watch we mean you no harm ma'am all we want is the
00:28:03king's person
00:28:04they are what do i tell you
00:28:09oh hampton hampton hampton put that thing away how could you do this to tear me from the arms of
00:28:15my
00:28:15beloved at the very moment we're about to consummate our union oh well uh we could come back later of
00:28:22course be stupid no no no if it must be thus thus be it may i know what is to
00:28:26become of me you will be
00:28:27taken to a secret place and held prisoner oh wow terrible will i never see my dear wife again go
00:28:34on
00:28:34you're doing very well there you will be required to sign a confession of your wrongdoings alas i cannot
00:28:40help that i was born with the wrongdoings that done then you will be done to death as painfully as
00:28:46you have done others don't ever do it save him and not too ah so this is the end farewell
00:28:52dear wife
00:28:53it would seem that we are fated never to be one you mean you're going to let them take you
00:28:56without a
00:28:57fight alas i can do nothing else well i can
00:29:16and don't come back
00:29:28and they've gone you can
00:29:30and they
00:29:32and we
00:29:37and we where are you
00:29:43oh the wretch now what am i going to do for the rest of the night
00:29:54on my life your majesty if that isn't the best eunuch i ever made my name isn't moysha montmorency
00:29:59yes it's not bad not bad never mind the quality feel the cloth
00:30:03hmm we've had worse what is it this your majesty's the finest goat's hair i thought it had a familiar
00:30:09smell ah your majesty look at the fit the bust line and the waistline your majesty i tell you without
00:30:15a
00:30:15word of a lie the goat it didn't fit as well yes it's quite nice up here but i think
00:30:19the skirts have
00:30:19been on the long side skirt long we're proud of our royal legs moisture we like the ladies of the
00:30:24court to marvel at their length your majesty i make the skirt any higher and they won't be
00:30:29marveling at the length of the legs oh that reminds me i need a bit more length on my hose
00:30:32ah your majesty is much too modest
00:30:49his excellency the emittery of the vatican comte philippo de pisa you are welcome comte
00:30:57now please be seated comte you have come on the matter of the application for an annulment of
00:31:02his majesty's marriage i have my lord i'd hoped as much and your master has given permission for it
00:31:09he has requested me to say that he is most morally shocked and righteously outraged by this request
00:31:16oh dear but under certain conditions he might be prevailed upon to overlook his deep-seated and
00:31:25inviolate sense of duty all right how much this time five thousand pieces of gold five thousand
00:31:33come off it that's double last time he is doubly shocked this time five thousand and how much have
00:31:39you added on for your own pocket my dear comte my lord i must protest more strongly i'm sorry comte
00:31:46but as a churchman i cannot tolerate the thought of corruption in high office five thousand is the
00:31:53figure take it or leave it very well i shall go and consult with the chancellor
00:32:02well wolsey the word is good i think that if it's left to me i can arrange the divorce satisfactorily
00:32:07excellent there's just one thing to do so you'll have to let me have ten thousand pieces of gold
00:32:12ten thousand was only five last time well you know how it is inflation rising prices
00:32:19no isn't he the ever rising cost of loving index the sooner the better of course just a moment my
00:32:25dear cardinal can i be assured this ten thousand is all for rome are you suggesting that i how dare
00:32:32you
00:32:32how dare you know well that i'm an honorable man my dear wolsey i learned long ago there is only
00:32:38one man
00:32:39in all england who can be completely trusted and that's me so i protest strong with the implications
00:32:45like of life all right all right you'll get your ten thousand i'll go and see the king straight away
00:32:57pardon the intrusion your majesty but i thought you would like to know at once i have had word from
00:33:02rome the divorce it's on i am confident sire that left in my hands i can get approval marvelous of
00:33:10course
00:33:10it will entail a certain amount of expenditure if you would let me have twenty thousand twenty thousand
00:33:16well rather more than usual i know but little enough if you have it that's just the point i haven't
00:33:22had it
00:33:24the money i mean i shouldn't have to tell you that speaking royally my mint has a hole in it
00:33:29beautiful
00:33:30beautiful beautiful fit for a king twenty thousand it's ridiculous what love pleasure could be worth
00:33:34that much you should try it walking around the room a bit your majesty don't be filthy the coat
00:33:39of course we could raise a bit more by taxation taxation everything's taxed to the hill as it is
00:33:45even swords swords taxed to the hill very good your majesty shut up i've been thinking there is one
00:33:51thing you haven't touched yet now we're back to the wife again no a brand new form of taxation i've
00:33:56just
00:33:56thought up s-e-t s-e-t sex enjoyment tax sex enjoyment tax exactly your majesty like drinking
00:34:08or smoking every time they have one yes that could bring in quite a bit might be a bit difficult
00:34:15to
00:34:15apply though oh i don't think so no man wants to be thought lacking we give them a form and
00:34:20they submit
00:34:21some sort of weekly return do you think they stand for it no stand for it sit for it lie
00:34:27down for it
00:34:27what's it matter as long as we get the money
00:34:41i trust i am not disturbing you my lord chancellor no no your majesty i was just checking the weekly
00:34:48yield on my new sex enjoyment tax satisfactory one i hope not bad not bad the takings are a bit
00:34:55down since
00:34:56we started the on the spot collections but then this business is bound to have its uh ups and downs
00:35:02yes the precious few come my way me lord i will come direct to business i demand to see the
00:35:09king
00:35:09oh i'm afraid that's quite impossible today ma'am he is busy in his privy council i will not be
00:35:14put
00:35:15off any longer do you realize it is three months since our marriage and he still hasn't hasn't what still
00:35:22hasn't oh yes i quite understand of course ma'am but you must not be unduly alarmed these things take
00:35:27time milord i may seem a simple person but could you as a man keep your bride waiting so long
00:35:34i am not
00:35:35married ma no but you are a man i have been aware of that fact yes ma oh come milord
00:35:43do you choose to
00:35:44forget that day at ampton court ampton when you rescued me from the maze oh when you couldn't find
00:35:50your way out and you couldn't find your way in yes well i uh i hadn't done it before you
00:35:56just think
00:35:57we might have been there yet had you not had the presence of mind to lay a thread to follow
00:36:02back
00:36:02out yes good old fred would you not like to try it again thomas without fred ma'am i beg
00:36:09of you
00:36:09please forget that afternoon i got carried away thousands of men have been carried away after
00:36:14only one hour with me milo yes but not feet first oh thomas tom take me in your arms no
00:36:23no no wait wait
00:36:24your majesty someone might come in i don't care oh thomas tom you don't know how unsatisfying my life is
00:36:33i feel like a a bottle of good wine that has been left to waste after only one sip well
00:36:39for heaven's
00:36:40sake put the cork back in oh you are a hard man thomas cromwell what you are asking of me
00:36:45ma'am is
00:36:45wrong i am the king's friend he trusts me and i am proud of that trust ah but what if
00:36:52there were
00:36:53no king what do you mean if some accident were to befall him what then why then as queen obviously
00:37:03you will reign in his stead precisely and you in his bedstead what what are you suggesting ma'am that
00:37:13i
00:37:13the king's most loyal and devoted servant should actually plot to should stoop to what kind of
00:37:19accident had you in mind ah no thomas before i divulge that i must first have pledge of your good
00:37:28will
00:37:28in the matter well what kind of pledge could i give just a taste of that good wine i spoke
00:37:34of
00:37:35well i don't usually drink before six o'clock
00:37:43cromwell i've just been thinking that if we
00:37:46what goes on here
00:37:51nothing sire nothing nothing i was just conversing with the queen when suddenly she came over faint
00:37:56her emotions overflowed and i just caulked her in time
00:37:59i've just caught her in time faint why should she feel faint or a lack of fresh air perhaps
00:38:05that's true she hasn't been getting any lately yes and that too well do something she's making
00:38:09the place look untidy yes mom mom you can come round now mom it's all right now
00:38:17good heavens what is it she really has fainted she's unconscious is she well go on then get the
00:38:23court physician dr finley dr finley all something terrible's happened the physician has nearly
00:38:36finished your grace he's taking his time isn't he well there is rather a lot to examine doesn't it
00:38:41make you sick just when i've made up my mind to cancel the divorce and have a red off this
00:38:45has to
00:38:45happen please sire you must not excite yourself you know it affects your metabolism and brings the
00:38:50poison to the surface and then you break out in all these poisonous excrescences boils i know what
00:38:57i'm talking about i only said boils oh boy oh boy oh yes well what's happening well your majesty
00:39:04i'm happy to report that i have bled her majesty bladder all this time yes but it did take a
00:39:10bit of
00:39:10time i know but one of my leeches is an absolute hob i am not interested in your bleeding leeches
00:39:17what about the queen oh there's no trouble there it often happens to a woman in her condition condition
00:39:22what condition why her majesty's going to have a baby
00:39:30you hear that everyone i'm going to have an issue congratulations congratulations
00:39:35sire congratulations thank you do you think it'll be a boy
00:39:40most assuredly sire at last the sun a sun and air i know i speak for all england when i
00:39:47say well
00:39:48done sire we are proud of you thank you i didn't really do anything
00:39:55that's quite right i didn't do anything
00:39:59are you sure she's going to have a baby how did that happen your majesty does not know no i
00:40:07do not know
00:40:08oh well let me see if i can explain it quite simply let's take the birds and the bees i
00:40:14do not
00:40:15want a sex lecture i know how it's who that's worrying me am i to understand your majesty has not
00:40:21not as much as a nibble if i may suggest your grace no one outside this room knows that and
00:40:28i know
00:40:28we can be trusted to keep silent but she's mucked it all up how can i get a divorce now
00:40:34on the grounds of
00:40:35non-consummation on the contrary sire i think the queen has played right into our hands she's played
00:40:42in someone's hands that's for sure if i might have a word with your majesty confidentially yes
00:40:48if we can obtain definite proof of unfaithfulness the divorce will be automatic and it will not cost
00:40:54you a penny that's right but where do we get the proof a confession from the man concerned
00:41:01which man any man preferably one who's been most constantly in the company of the queen
00:41:08yes someone who's had the job of keeping her amused well sir roger have you been
00:41:15dallying with the queen perhaps certainly not sir your hand on it not even a finger on it
00:41:21come come sir roger it will be less painful for you if you were to confess never in the tower
00:41:27we
00:41:27have ways of forcing a confession you know you won't get a thing out of me i'll wager those for
00:41:33the
00:41:34very words the queen used to you well no as a matter of fact she was ready and waiting for
00:41:38it oh
00:41:45my lord cardinal will you show the queen to my department gladly this way your majesty one moment
00:41:50what is to happen to sir roger nothing providing he signs a simple confession and if he doesn't he will
00:41:55we have many gadgets below for instance the thumb screw fear not ma'am i can stand any amount of
00:42:01screwing well spoken sir roger i will not confess and that's flat me thinks you'll change your mind sir
00:42:08roger when it is flat take him directly below thomas cromwell you are a cruel man me cruel man
00:42:14why i'm known as cromwell the considerate considerate you what about all those poor
00:42:20martyrs you had burned at the stake last week what about them you call that being considerate why
00:42:24of course didn't i go around every one of them personally and say how do you like your steak
00:42:30that's right he did you know
00:42:40so this is to be my home for the rest of my days and what pray is this place the
00:42:46bloody tower
00:42:46there's no need to be common no no that's what they call it my lady and this is the best
00:42:51you
00:42:51can provide for a queen of england and cousin of the king of france oh it's one of the pleasantest
00:42:57rooms in the tower my lady and there's a lovely view from the window
00:43:04on the foggy day oh wolsey what is to become of me will i ever look up to see the
00:43:11clear blue of
00:43:11the sky again will i ever again feel the blessed warmth of the sun on my tender skin i really
00:43:17couldn't
00:43:18say the weather report isn't too good may me lord do not try and spare my feelings
00:43:22you know well that as soon as henry has his signed confession it will be my head on the block
00:43:29and fit
00:43:30no no don't speak of it madam please i can i can't bear to think of it your lovely head
00:43:38for that filthy
00:43:38old basket namey lord you must not speak of the king thus no oh no no no no i meant
00:43:45the basket into which
00:43:46your head will fall madam oh that filthy old basket yes and to think this might have all been avoided
00:43:51if
00:43:52only you had renounced the garlic dear wolsey you have always loved me haven't you divertedly ma'am
00:43:58enough to do me a service oh certainly what would you like a matin or a quick vespers not that
00:44:05sort of
00:44:05service my lord i would simply have you deliver a letter for me to the french ambassador oh i wouldn't
00:44:11dare do that i must appreciate him of what has happened it is my only hope i know but they're
00:44:15so
00:44:15strict on security here i mean even i'm searched from top to bottom when i leave the tower top to
00:44:20bottom well almost there is in fact only one place i could put a letter where it might avoid detection
00:44:28and you could not bring yourself to do that for me yes yes i will i will oh thank you
00:44:36my lord here is
00:44:43the letter ah my dear sir roger i believe you know what this little toy is called the rack precisely
00:44:51an ingenious invention we simply tie you to it hand and foot and then each day a turn on the
00:44:58wheel at
00:44:58both ends yes i know what criminals call going for a stretch exactly would you care to try it have
00:45:06i an alternative oh yes to sign this without even reading it oh i'll read it to you it's just
00:45:11a
00:45:11simple little confession in as much as i roger de lodgely of bedside manner wilts here and after
00:45:17referred to as the party of the first part did unlawfully with matters of forethought and without
00:45:21taking due precaution on the night of october fourth last admire covet blandish cause it seduce and
00:45:25otherwise get at marie spouse to henry tudor here and after referred to as the party of the second part
00:45:30part i do now hereby solemnly declare any witness thereof i append to my signature below that the
00:45:35resulting issue here and after referred to as the party of the third part is the direct consequence of
00:45:41the join together of the part of the first part and the party of the second part's parts as you
00:45:46said
00:45:47it's very simple you'll sign me not on your bonaparte very well then carry on
00:46:03his excellency the french ambassador
00:46:07your majesty my dear duke de ponsigny i trust i do not include upon your majesty's time not at all
00:46:14we're
00:46:14happy to receive you a thousand thanks sire you're welcome cup of tea
00:46:19i have but lately partaken of elevenses excellent and what brings you to our court i am instructed
00:46:27by his majesty king francis to offer his most profound congratulations yes uh what on why but your union
00:46:36with his cousin queen marie is to be blessed with issue and uh how did he know that good news
00:46:43travels
00:46:44fast your majesty well this is not exactly good news you see i'm not really the king francis was so
00:46:49overjoyed that he proposed on the occasion of the birth to give you a personal presentation of 50 000
00:46:56gold crowns i dare say but the point is 150 000 gold crowns but your majesty was going to say
00:47:04something
00:47:04no no nothing boom and now perhaps i may convey our congratulations to your good queen yes well uh she's
00:47:12not here at the moment she's away visiting oh la la king francis did so desire an early confirmation of
00:47:17her
00:47:17good health and happiness i tell you what you join us for dinner tonight she'll be back by then
00:47:23that will be most delightful your majesty your father and sire and yours
00:47:33don't just stand there get to the tower and fetch her
00:47:39he's given him me lord he's ready to sign at last bring him in bring him in
00:47:53i my dear sir roger i'm very glad you decided to give me in before things went too far
00:48:11there we are my love take it easy that's it we don't anything to happen to our precious little bundle
00:48:24do it your majesty your cousin king francis wishes me to convey to you his most joyous felicitations
00:48:30what on being confined in the tower of london what uh nowadays don't get excited think of the baby
00:48:38don't pay any attention i always act a bit funny when they're in the issue way that's true but i
00:48:43did
00:48:43not understand what is this about being confined in the tower yes well that's just an old english
00:48:48tradition the queens always have their babies there they're true but i think you meant confined
00:48:52locked up no no confined knocked up it's very different your quaint english customs yes they are
00:49:01yes well let's drink to the successful delivery of my baby your baby naturally who else's you want a
00:49:07lift if you don't want to go straight back to the tower shut your drawbridge
00:49:12then if it is yours exactly what are you trying to make poor sir roger confess to me i'm not
00:49:18trying
00:49:19to make him confess to anything your majesty i have it the silent confession confession what confession
00:49:28sir roger's confession of fatherhood he's a liar i don't want it get a retraction a retraction you must
00:49:35be mad you know perfectly well that your confession was a deliberate lie what yes all that nonsense
00:49:41about the party of the first party you never even touched the queen i beg your jolly pardon but i
00:49:46most
00:49:46certainly did oh rubbish your affair with her was entirely a figment of your imagination oh yes did you
00:49:52ever hear of a figment that left teeth marks in your neck i don't wish to know that what i
00:49:55was is a signed
00:49:56a retraction a simple statement like the queen and i are just good friends oh no i am incapable of
00:50:05doing it oh even better impotency yes no no no i mean i could never sign such a statement my
00:50:11dear
00:50:12sir roger you don't want to go back on the rack do you not particularly then do i get my
00:50:18retraction
00:50:41you're a cunning old bastard i made a mistake my love
00:50:48you're the only woman for me i just can't wait to take your loveliness into my arms
00:50:55every stone of it i'll believe that when it happens wait till i get you upstairs i'll show you something
00:51:03like you did the last time
00:51:07playing all night with your tiddly wink
00:51:16more music more i say
00:51:19pardon your majesty but i should be greatly honored if i could cut in of course my dear duke
00:51:25no no your majesty i meant with her majesty oh yes help yourself
00:51:32well everybody to his own taste
00:51:39oh your grace it is indeed a joy to see you and the queen so happily reunited yeah she's not
00:51:45a bad old
00:51:45stick really i mean after all youth isn't everything is it indeed not sir it is well said that there's
00:51:51many a good tune played on an old fiddle true particularly when you haven't had your bow out
00:51:57for some time that's what do i want another wife for anyway i mean look at the shower in tonight
00:52:02not
00:52:03one of them worth a second look certainly not one of them worth giving up 50 000 crowns for
00:52:11i'll tell you what
00:52:15who's it yes my lord who's that with the two beauties that's your third wife sire no no not her
00:52:21the fellow that's just come in with the two beauties fellow with two beauties my lord
00:52:31i see what you mean oh that's old charles the earl of bristol and his daughters oh so those are
00:52:37charlie's why haven't i seen them at court before ah he's been our ambassador at the spanish court
00:52:44they've only just come back my lord looks like one of them hasn't had time to unpack yet
00:52:49so i think i can give her a hand with it
00:52:59oh my favorite measure mine too
00:53:07fancy that yes i'm afraid he does may i have the pleasure oh no i only came here to dance
00:53:15the king is asking you to dance patina oh well that's the king
00:53:24please excuse her your majesty tis her first time at court that's all right there has to be a first
00:53:29time for every girl may i then oh well of course your majesty if i'd known who you were i
00:53:36wouldn't have
00:53:36said no you keep on saying that and we'll be all right
00:53:45so they call you bettina yes but most people just call me bet your majesty
00:53:52if i'm going to call you bet you must call me madge all right madge
00:54:01you dance very well bett thank you madge
00:54:08i bet you got plenty of it in spain eh oh no they never let me be alone with anyone
00:54:13long enough
00:54:13no dancing i mean oh oh yes but it's very different there you know you see there's these two things
00:54:21yes i've noticed those they call them castanets oh that's a new name for them and all the time
00:54:28you're dancing they keep knocking together yes i noticed that too
00:54:36it's getting chilly in here should we go into the summer house and warm up a bit oh no i've
00:54:42heard
00:54:42what happens to girls who go into summer houses with men that should save a bit of time oh but
00:54:47i mustn't
00:54:48i promise my mother i'd be a good bet you're the best bet i've seen in years believe me
00:54:58why is he taking her out into the garden oh i expect just to get a little air mom how
00:55:03many more airs does
00:55:04he want that's it now you're getting the idea oh oh no more i'm not used to that much you
00:55:15know it won't
00:55:16it hurts just a bit more nearly finished no no no come on oh no my mother says i mustn't
00:55:27have too
00:55:27much drink it can lead to a girl's ruin oh i'm beginning to love your mother drink inflames the
00:55:33harder yes the more you have the harder it gets to stop drinking i mean oh i can hardly believe
00:55:43it
00:55:44little me in the king's arm well it's the best boozer in town with all those beautiful ladies in there
00:55:50why on earth did you pick on me well there's a couple of things i suppose oh mad you're only
00:55:56after one
00:55:57things why what's the matter with the other one oh i think you're one of those men with evil dimensions
00:56:03intentions on the contrary my dear i'm about to do you the greatest honor a benevolent monarch can do
00:56:09an obedient subject i know you're going to make me a lady well not quite what then what to start
00:56:17with
00:56:17i'm going to kiss you oh no my mother says i mustn't start kissing men you never know where it
00:56:21will end
00:56:22believe me i don't know where it will end no she says i must save myself until i have a
00:56:26husband
00:56:26well that's all right i'm a husband that's right you are aren't you
00:56:44there oh that was a little one yes now show me a big one oh no not now i'm too
00:56:51hot
00:56:52no wonder you're too hot you're laced up too tight let me undo it oh no don't you undo those
00:56:56i've
00:56:57nothing underneath you must be joking go on i won't look oh well all right then but i'll undo them
00:57:03if you promise to keep your eyes shut all the time yes yes of course yes
00:57:11i won't be a minute
00:57:16there that's better oh come on where are you
00:57:23oh bet my darling bet you are beautiful
00:57:28oh what have i done
00:57:37there must be an easier way to earn a loving come here
00:57:45ah good day my love good day indeed
00:57:50and where might i ask have you been for the past two weeks me i had to go down to
00:57:54bristol to lay a
00:57:55foundation stone yes i rather thought you might be laying something how good it is to see my dear
00:58:01wife so happily intent on her embroidery and why should i not be happy my lord when it is something
00:58:06to
00:58:07remind me of you me really let's have a look
00:58:13it is not quite finished yet no now don't tell me ah henry is a shining example to one and
00:58:21all
00:58:22oh oh oh now you have spoiled my little surprise and talking of surprises my love
00:58:28i have one for you yes something that you've needed for some time
00:58:32isn't it a little late for that you'll never guess a new lady in waiting come in my dear
00:58:42yeah now don't say i never get you anything
00:58:47go on say your piece your majesty it is a great honor the king has done me
00:58:56no no no no no full stop a great honor the king has done me oh that's right sorry
00:59:04it is a great honor the king has done me by making me
00:59:08me by making me your lady in waiting dear oh dear oh dear by making me your lady in waiting
00:59:15oh dear oh
00:59:31a whole month gone and nothing but an occasional wave do i get from her to still the fever in
00:59:37my blood
00:59:38you may think sir it is high time we went hunting again no i'm in no mood for that oh
00:59:44i have such a
00:59:45passion for this wench it rots my very socks then make her yours don't you think i've tried but every
00:59:52time my eager hand lights upon her flesh you can hear the wedding march oh then you must marry her
00:59:57and lose 50 000 crowns perhaps for nothing oh no i've been tricked by women before too often have
01:00:04i split open a likely looking pod to find nothing but shriveled peas within you have not seen her
01:00:10without no worse luck if i could only be sure that they were all they promised i would indeed risk
01:00:19all
01:00:20well sir there are more ways than one to peel a banana over here we have the petunias a little
01:00:28further down is the rose garden oh they're beautiful yes oh yes the gardeners are kept very
01:00:32visible there are quite a lot of them really well they would need to be wouldn't there yeah this one
01:00:37should be coming up fairly shortly over there you see oh where oh yes you see i've really got the
01:00:45biggest swan in the country come over here i'll show it yes now just over here you get a beautiful
01:00:50view
01:00:51just uh run about there i would say there you are oh you poor thing you're all wet through oh
01:01:05here let
01:01:06me help you off with your clothes no no no it's the wrong way around i was supposed to help
01:01:24see that is the window of the room where she daily bathes at this hour right no mistakes this time
01:01:30oh don't worry sire nothing can go wrong
01:01:39all right let's go well come on come on it won't move sire get up you lazy lump
01:01:49oh
01:02:02my lord sir roger's given in he'll sign the retraction statement thank heavens after all
01:02:08these weeks of waiting well bring him in
01:02:22cromwell you win again i warned you sir roger we'll go to we'll go to any lengths to get what
01:02:30we want
01:02:40you sent for me my lord yes mistress bett we're so well pleased with your services towards the queen
01:02:46that we wish to honor you oh oh how lovely carry on my lord cardinal it is our most gracious
01:02:53majesty's
01:02:54desire that you be given this oh oh isn't it lovely shall i put it on no not yet there's
01:03:00a ceremonial gown
01:03:01that goes with it that you must put on first oh now of course but surely your grace would not
01:03:07be
01:03:07so cool as to ask me to take this one off before your eyes of course not that's what the
01:03:12screen is
01:03:12for oh i'm sorry i misjudged you my lord
01:03:32oh
01:03:33do you like
01:03:35well i beg your pardon your majesty but i have never seen one so beautifully endowed those dimpled
01:03:43shoulders that slender neck those shell-like ears later i'm going the other way
01:03:53oh
01:03:56i have it i have it quiet
01:04:03there is it all right absolutely perfect my dear cromwell you couldn't have come at a better
01:04:09time meet your future queen how do you do ma'am here it is at last sire duly signed
01:04:15future queen that's right as from as soon as possible but i have sir roger's retraction here look
01:04:22Retraction, you fool, what use is that? I want a divorce.
01:04:25A divorce? But what of Queen Marie? Your issue, the 50,000 gold crowns.
01:04:31You charlatan, would you put mere gold before the well-being of all England?
01:04:36Well-being of England?
01:04:38Certainly. If I'm happy, everybody's happy.
01:04:41Well, what are you waiting for? Go and get that confession.
01:04:52Well, there you are then. As you see, I've managed to get your whole room back for you.
01:04:56It's really quite...
01:04:57Please, my lord Cardinal, spare me the bit about the view from the window. I've seen it.
01:05:02Well, it won't be for long, just until they get Sir Roger's confession of paternity.
01:05:06My lord, you are still my friend, art thou not?
01:05:09Oh, I most definitely art, yes.
01:05:11Then help me get word of my imprisonment to my cousin, King Francis.
01:05:15Oh, not another letter, please.
01:05:17Oh, tis only a short one.
01:05:23Oh, don't worry, old. I'll tell him.
01:05:28What do you mean, he won't fit into it any more?
01:05:31But the rat won't go any further, my lord. He's outgrown it.
01:05:34Oh, that's ridiculous. There must be some way.
01:05:37Here, wait a minute. What about the Iron Maiden? I've never tried that.
01:05:41Well, I suppose we could give it a try.
01:05:45Hello? Anyone in there?
01:05:47Oh, no. It says vacant. Look.
01:05:50Oh, that's a bit of luck.
01:05:53Oh, that's a bit of luck.
01:05:58Would you mind?
01:06:00Thanks. My hat. There.
01:06:03I think I can manage it.
01:06:05Oh.
01:06:06Mind you, don't prick yourself.
01:06:08Bye-bye.
01:06:10Don't stay in there too long. Others may want to use it.
01:06:15Move the spikes in one inch daily.
01:06:27Your Majesty.
01:06:29You get the confession?
01:06:30I fear not, sire.
01:06:31It's been a whole week.
01:06:32I know. His stamina's amazing.
01:06:34But I don't think he can keep it up.
01:06:37I don't think I can either.
01:06:38Well, how much longer have we got to stand here waiting?
01:06:41All right, love. Take a break. Back in an hour.
01:06:43Then that is the plan, gentlemen.
01:06:45We rescue Queen Marie from the tower,
01:06:47confront Henry with her,
01:06:49and force his abdication in her favour.
01:06:51Agreed.
01:06:52But how will we gain access to the main gate?
01:06:54It's heavily bolted.
01:06:56Yes.
01:06:56That is the main problem.
01:06:58Well, I still have those barrels of gunpowder.
01:07:01Thank you, Fawkes.
01:07:04Well, well, I see you're keeping busy, ma'am.
01:07:08Yes.
01:07:09It is a present for my cousin Francis.
01:07:11When it is finished,
01:07:12I would like you to smuggle it out to him.
01:07:14Oh.
01:07:15Oh.
01:07:16Oh, I do hope that won't be necessary, ma'am.
01:07:18Sir Roger has not confessed yet, then?
01:07:20No, no.
01:07:21No, ma'am.
01:07:22It's quite extraordinary.
01:07:23Two weeks now.
01:07:27Is it true, then, he is ready to sign?
01:07:29I think so, my lord.
01:07:30At the last turn of the spikes he cried out,
01:07:33Enough!
01:07:33Oh, good.
01:07:34Open up, then, quickly.
01:07:35Open up.
01:07:36Well, well, Sir Roger.
01:07:38You've had enough, then.
01:07:40I'll say.
01:07:42There was a shocking draught in the most extraordinary places.
01:07:46Well, help him out quickly.
01:07:47Quickly.
01:07:51Sign here.
01:07:53Hold you mine first, please.
01:07:55Can I have a drink?
01:07:56Yes, water.
01:07:56Quickly.
01:07:57Quickly.
01:07:57And you go to the king immediately and tell him the good news.
01:07:59Here.
01:08:00Sign.
01:08:01Sign here.
01:08:16Sir Roger is to sign the confession.
01:08:17That's it.
01:08:18I'm divorced.
01:08:19Here we go.
01:08:24Come on, love.
01:08:24Wake up.
01:08:25This is it.
01:08:26Where's Woolsey?
01:08:27Where is he?
01:08:28Oh, he said he had to go to Canterbury to try a witch.
01:08:30Try a witch?
01:08:31Why?
01:08:32Oh, don't ask me.
01:08:33I should have thought they'd be the same as any other girl.
01:08:36He doesn't mean try in that sense.
01:08:38He means...
01:08:38Never mind.
01:08:38We'll do it without him.
01:08:39We weren't going to do it with him, were we?
01:08:41I mean get married.
01:08:42But how?
01:08:43Nothing to it.
01:08:44Just stand there.
01:08:44That's it.
01:08:45I'll show you.
01:08:46She does.
01:08:47I do.
01:08:48I now declare it.
01:08:48That's it.
01:08:49There you go.
01:08:49Through there.
01:08:51Is that all?
01:08:52What do you want?
01:08:53Organ music?
01:08:53But I don't feel married.
01:08:55You will in half an hour.
01:09:03Beautiful, beautiful.
01:09:05Every inch a queen and every inch accounted for.
01:09:09Shhh.
01:09:09What's she reading?
01:09:11Ball's Book of English Law.
01:09:12Pardon?
01:09:13It says here that no marriage is legal unless it is performed by a member of the church.
01:09:18Oh, that's just balls.
01:09:20Out, look.
01:09:21But it says it.
01:09:22I know that.
01:09:24But what you don't know is that I made myself head of the English church.
01:09:28Really? When?
01:09:29Right now.
01:09:30Oh, so it's all right then.
01:09:32I really am queen.
01:09:34That's it.
01:09:35But queen of England.
01:09:37You'll have to tell me what my duties are.
01:09:39I'll do better.
01:09:39I'll show you.
01:09:43Go.
01:09:44Now.
01:09:45How many times do I have to tell them about that?
01:09:47Could it ruin me prospects?
01:09:49Oh.
01:09:50Poor Henry.
01:09:52Can I do something?
01:09:53If you can't, I'll be wasting my time.
01:09:56Hang on.
01:09:59Oh, Bette.
01:10:01Sweet Bette.
01:10:04Oh, no.
01:10:14Go away.
01:10:15I'm busy.
01:10:16Pardon, your majesty, but it's King Francis.
01:10:18He's just riding into the courtyard.
01:10:19Francis.
01:10:31It is Francis.
01:10:33Oh, sorry, love.
01:10:34I'll have to go.
01:10:34Keep it warm.
01:10:35I'll be back as soon as I can.
01:10:42I'll be back as soon as I can.
01:10:44I'm busy.
01:10:45You'll be back as soon as I can.
01:10:45Oh, pardon, lipstick.
01:10:46How overjoyed I am to see you again, my dear friend.
01:10:49And I, you.
01:10:50I hope you did not mind my coming unheralded.
01:10:52Not at all.
01:10:53I am honored to see my noble, well-loved ally at any time.
01:10:57Oh, merci. Up the glorious Lion of England.
01:10:59And up yours.
01:11:00Well, I won't keep you. I expect you're wanting to get back home.
01:11:03True, true.
01:11:04But I could not bear to leave without first paying respects to my dear cousin, Queen Marie.
01:11:10Yes.
01:11:10Well, now, that's not quite possible at the moment.
01:11:13No?
01:11:14Well, she's getting very near her time.
01:11:16How you so quaintly put it, in the club of the pudding?
01:11:20That's it. Queen's pudding.
01:11:24And know that she will be resting up in her bedshamber now, eh?
01:11:27Naturally. Where else?
01:11:29You know, this will make you laugh very much.
01:11:33But an absurd rumor has reached me that she is being confined in the tower.
01:11:40The tower?
01:11:42Absurd, I know.
01:11:43Something about the pudding not being yours.
01:11:49I've never heard anything so ridiculous in my life.
01:11:52Absurd, I know.
01:11:53That is what I tell my advisors.
01:11:55You see, B-Day, I told you, there was no need to bring the army.
01:11:59Army?
01:12:01Just 20,000 men.
01:12:03They are in camp at Dover.
01:12:05Fancy.
01:12:06Well, I hope they're enjoying themselves.
01:12:07Dover can be very nice at this time of the year.
01:12:09Yes, I thought the change would do them good.
01:12:11They're very restless, you know.
01:12:13They have not fought for some time.
01:12:15Yes, I've just had a thought.
01:12:17I'll pop upstairs and see if Marie can see you for a little while, all right?
01:12:20Oh, that would be most kind.
01:12:22I thought it might be.
01:12:24Meanwhile, I'll have some food and wine brought in for you.
01:12:27Oh, that would be delightful.
01:12:29Yes.
01:12:35Get wine and food.
01:12:36Keep them occupied as long as you can.
01:12:38Yes, sir.
01:12:40Woolsey, come here.
01:12:41Oh, I'm so sorry.
01:12:42I had to leave you, Grace.
01:12:43Go to the tower as fast as you can and bring Marie back here.
01:12:45What?
01:12:45Go on, go on.
01:12:46Yes, go on.
01:13:14Go on.
01:13:26Oh, folks.
01:13:29You and your bloody gunpowder.
01:13:32Just a minute.
01:14:05Well, well, well, looking after you, all right, old gentlemen?
01:14:09Plenty of wine?
01:14:12Where's King Francis?
01:14:13I fairly grew impatient, my lord, and decided to go up and surprise the queen.
01:14:18Oh, now.
01:14:21Now it's war.
01:14:36Surprise.
01:14:38Oh, pardon, madame.
01:14:41Oh, that's all right.
01:14:43I thought this was the queen's bedchamber.
01:14:46Oh, it is?
01:14:47Who are you, then?
01:14:49Francis.
01:14:50King of France.
01:14:53At your service.
01:14:55Oh, say, two kings in my room in one night.
01:14:59That's going it.
01:15:00Oh, Dieu, you are ravishing.
01:15:02What, me?
01:15:03What we call in France, un petit raver.
01:15:06Oh, but tell me, I must know, who are you?
01:15:10Oh, I'm the queen, silly.
01:15:14The queen?
01:15:18Oh, you've met.
01:15:20Who is this?
01:15:21And what does she mean by she is the queen?
01:15:25Oh, did she tell you that?
01:15:26She's just having you on.
01:15:27Don't take any notice.
01:15:28And you're a naughty girl, Bettina.
01:15:30What are you doing in the queen's bed?
01:15:31Waiting for you.
01:15:32Oh, I understand.
01:15:35She is your mistress.
01:15:37She is not.
01:15:38She's a queen's lady in waiting.
01:15:39Mistress Bettina.
01:15:40What are you talking about?
01:15:42You married me?
01:15:45Married her.
01:15:46That's a laugh.
01:15:48She's a nice everything, but she hasn't got much up here.
01:15:50But she makes up for it elsewhere.
01:15:54Don't you think we ought to go back downstairs?
01:15:56No, no, no, no, no.
01:15:56I wish I have a few words with mistress Bettina.
01:15:59My dear, are you hiding something from me?
01:16:03In this nightgown, you must be joking.
01:16:06Then there is something I want you to tell me very truthfully.
01:16:10Yes, what?
01:16:11I wish to know where Marie is.
01:16:15Marie?
01:16:16Oui, oui.
01:16:20Oh, oh, she's up the spout.
01:16:22No, no, I don't think you quite understand.
01:16:25Where is she?
01:16:29Oh, oh, she's upstairs.
01:16:32Uh, upstairs?
01:16:33That's right, in the tower.
01:16:37So, it is true.
01:16:39Now, wait a minute, Franning, I can explain.
01:16:40Don't bother.
01:16:44I shall return.
01:16:46This, my army.
01:16:49Big mouth.
01:16:53Gentlemen, we will rejoin the army.
01:16:57It is war.
01:16:59Franning, Franning.
01:17:00Franning.
01:17:02Now, let me explain.
01:17:03You are a liar.
01:17:04You told me the Queen was not in the tower.
01:17:06Well, yes, only because I didn't want to worry you.
01:17:08Worry me?
01:17:09Yes, you see, I had news of a plot on the Queen's life.
01:17:13They were going to abduct her from the palace here.
01:17:15And?
01:17:15And, well, to fool them, we put the lady-in-waiting in her room, and Woolsey took the Queen to
01:17:19the tower for safekeeping.
01:17:21See?
01:17:21Well, I hope this time you are telling me the truth.
01:17:24Why should I lie?
01:17:26Your Majesty.
01:17:27Here, it is Woolsey.
01:17:27He'll tell you.
01:17:29Your Majesty, I have dire news.
01:17:31We're not interested in your personal complaints.
01:17:33But, sir, I...
01:17:33Never mind that.
01:17:34King Francis here would like to know whether the Queen is safely in the tower.
01:17:38No.
01:17:38No, she isn't.
01:17:39Don't miss about.
01:17:40You can tell him.
01:17:40It's all right.
01:17:41But she isn't there.
01:17:41I've been trying to tell you.
01:17:42She's been abducted.
01:17:43Well, Henri, what game is this, huh?
01:17:46I cannot believe it.
01:17:48My dear, beautiful wife, to lose her at such a time.
01:17:50And it's all your fault, you cardinal.
01:17:53Me?
01:17:53What have I done?
01:17:54What haven't you done?
01:17:55I entrusted her to your safekeeping, and you betrayed my trust.
01:17:57Me?
01:17:58I've been trying to get rid of her for the last year.
01:17:59Enough!
01:18:00There's only one cure for treasures.
01:18:01To the tower with him.
01:18:02Oh, no.
01:18:03Ah, get your hand.
01:18:04But, no.
01:18:05Sire, my, look.
01:18:06Mind me at.
01:18:07Listen, can I explain?
01:18:09My Lord.
01:18:09Mind me.
01:18:18Oh, my beloved Marie, my only true love.
01:18:22Oh, Vera, all is not lost.
01:18:24She may yet be found alive.
01:18:26I hope not.
01:18:27Oh, all is not lost.
01:18:29I cannot bear the thought of never holding that lissom form in my arms again.
01:18:34Oh, the enormity of it.
01:18:35She was a bit on the large side, Gracie.
01:18:37And I loved her, Fanny, every little ache or other.
01:18:40I know how you feel.
01:18:42I only recently lost my last queen, you know.
01:18:45No, no, I didn't know.
01:18:47How?
01:18:47There was quite so done.
01:18:49She, uh, got her neck in the guillotine.
01:18:52Her Majesty Queen Marie.
01:18:55What?
01:19:01Marie!
01:19:02Oh, dear cousin.
01:19:07Welcome, Francis.
01:19:08Oh, what a joy to see you safe and well.
01:19:12Thanks only to Lord Anthony.
01:19:13My love, my own true love, I cannot tell you how delighted I am.
01:19:18You may not be so delighted once you have heard what Lord Ampton has to say.
01:19:21Sire, it is my painful duty.
01:19:23No, no, no apologies, my dear Ampton.
01:19:25It is enough that you have delivered my dear queen safely back to me.
01:19:28Eh?
01:19:29I do not think you can understand.
01:19:30I do not think your grateful king will not reward you suitably.
01:19:33I know that you are a poor man.
01:19:34Yes.
01:19:35But actually, I came here...
01:19:36No, no, no, no, no modesty, my dear Ampton.
01:19:38Give me your sword.
01:19:41Kneel.
01:19:44Ampton of Wick.
01:19:46We do here with W.
01:19:48Lord of the Duchy of Berkshire.
01:19:51Arise, Ampton, Prince of Berks.
01:19:58Sire, I am sensible to the honour, but...
01:20:01And the 10,000 crowns a year that go with you.
01:20:05I am your most loyal servant, Your Majesty.
01:20:07You'd better be.
01:20:08You now have our permission to withdraw.
01:20:12Lord Ampton, have you so soon forgotten the purpose of your coming?
01:20:16I am sorry, ma'am, but I must live up to my family motto.
01:20:20Non fatum contra to a nightrum, which unhappily means...
01:20:24Fight not against thunder.
01:20:31Well, my love, I'm glad that's all settled.
01:20:33Now, I think I really must take you up to bye-bye.
01:20:34Oh, no, you don't, Henry Tudor.
01:20:36I am not yet finished with you or that puny little Ampton.
01:20:40Now, now, steady, love.
01:20:42Not in front of the visitor.
01:20:43You may have been able to silence him,
01:20:45but not me.
01:20:47Cousin Francis, I must tell you.
01:20:48Sire! Sire!
01:20:51Sire, I have it.
01:20:52Look, the confession, all signed.
01:20:55What confession? What are you talking about?
01:20:57Why, Sir Roger's confession of paternity to the Queen's...
01:21:00Oh, yes, well, perhaps some other time.
01:21:04Just a minute.
01:21:05Let me see.
01:21:06So it's you that's been fomenting this daftly lie?
01:21:09Yes.
01:21:10What?
01:21:10Do you think I would ever have believed it possible
01:21:12as such a loving, virtuous wife as she?
01:21:14But I thought I...
01:21:15This is what I think of your base treachery.
01:21:17Oh, no!
01:21:18And as for you, you will go the way of all traitors.
01:21:20Guards!
01:21:21But I have done your bidding, sire.
01:21:23Quiet!
01:21:24In the tower.
01:21:24The tower?
01:21:25Not the tower.
01:21:26Anything but the tower.
01:21:27Oh, I received you from my bowels.
01:21:30Oh, here, here.
01:21:32Would you credit it?
01:21:33My own Lord Chancellor.
01:21:35I tell you, you cannot trust anyone these days.
01:21:37Oh, very true.
01:21:39And now, Marie, what were you about to tell me, huh?
01:21:42Only that Henry has been a most loving and devoted husband
01:21:49and will, I am certain, continue to be so for the rest of our days.
01:21:53Right, dear?
01:21:54Yes, dear.
01:21:55Of course, dear.
01:21:55And will renounce all other seasoning and convert to the garlic?
01:22:00Right?
01:22:01Naturally.
01:22:02In that case, I can return to France, reassured.
01:22:05Good.
01:22:05Please don't think that I'm not grateful for the concern you showed my dear wife.
01:22:09If there's anything I can do in return.
01:22:10Oh, no, no, no.
01:22:12Oui, there is something.
01:22:13Naomi, she'll be yours.
01:22:15Marie has a lady-in-waiting, mistress Bettina, who has held my fancy.
01:22:21No, no.
01:22:22But of course you may have her.
01:22:24She would make an excellent queen.
01:22:27Do you not think so, Henry?
01:22:28Oh, no, not her.
01:22:30Not for a great king like Francis.
01:22:32Do you not think so, Henry?
01:22:34Yes, dear.
01:22:35Wonderful.
01:22:49Well, goodbye, Bettina.
01:22:51Bye, Henry.
01:22:52Oh, isn't it exciting?
01:22:53Me, queen of France.
01:22:55Yes, isn't it?
01:22:57And what a good job you found out we weren't really married before we did anything.
01:23:02Yes, wasn't it?
01:23:05On aboard.
01:23:16What do I do for England?
01:23:17Your Majesty, the queen is in labour.
01:23:20Don't worry.
01:23:20They'll never get back in.
01:23:22No, no, no.
01:23:23In child labour, sire.
01:23:24Eh?
01:23:26Blimey!
01:23:33Where is he?
01:23:34I must see the little bar, the fellow.
01:23:47My son.
01:23:49The image of you, dear.
01:23:51Dear wife.
01:23:52I am eternally grateful to you.
01:23:54And to show my gratitude, I shall devote the rest of my life to you and you alone.
01:24:13Who's that?
01:24:14The new lady in waiting, sire.
01:24:16Her name is Catherine Howard.
01:24:20What do you mean, it's all my fault?
01:24:22Well, you arranged a match with Mari.
01:24:24Rubbish.
01:24:25That was all your idea.
01:24:26It wasn't.
01:24:27It was.
01:24:28Why?
01:24:29Hypocrite.
01:24:30Stop.
01:24:31Lay the execution.
01:24:33What?
01:24:34Are we pardoned, sire?
01:24:36Yes, I have urgent need of your services.
01:24:38Oh.
01:24:39Well, of course, I should be only too happy to serve your majesty again.
01:24:41Me too, sire.
01:24:42You've only to command.
01:24:44I want an immediate divorce.
01:24:47Yes?
01:24:48What?
01:24:49Carry on, executioner.
01:24:51Carry on.
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